- Dammit. Don’t you just hate it when this happens? An elite
talent is chasing their life’s passion, doing whatever it takes to improve and
pushing the limits when something terrible befalls them. It happens to all
manner of elite athletes, top musicians and artists of all kinds, and it also
happens to reality TV actors who try to improve their world-class ass with
another round of plastic surgery. Meet Brazilian reality TV actress Andressa
Urach, who is in serious condition with an infection in her thighs after receiving
under-skin injections of a substance to increase volume in the upper legs. In
other words, her above-average bottom simply wasn’t enough donk for her liking
and keeping the words of the immortal Sir Mix-A-Lot in mind, Urach tried to
make her butt bigger and better. She was already the runner-up in a
best-buttocks competition but seems to have taken the loss really hard and
responded by going under the knife of some hack plastic surgeon. Things went
horribly wrong, Urach was has been hospitalized with complications from the
procedure and has already undergone two procedures at the hospital to drain a
substance called aquagel that is used in Brazil as an alternative to cosmetic
implants. The Conceicao Hospital Group in the southern city of Porto Alegre s
treating her and initially had to sedate Urach for a while before she later
woke up and was taken off a respirator. No matter what happens here and how her
botched butt looks, no one can ever take away the fact that she was runner up
in Brazil's 2012 "Miss Bumbum" contest, even if she’s going to have a
tough time sitting down and enjoying her success any time soon……….
- Speaking of eff-ed up body parts, no one belongs in the
same category as Otto Schimmelpenninck, bassist for the Dutch metal band Delain. Schimmelpenninck
may be part of an unknown Dutch metal band that formed 12 years ago, derive
their name from the Stephen King book “The
Eyes Of The Dragon” and have release four innocuous albums, but he’s also a
freaking rock legend based on what happened during a recent gig in Birmingham,
England. There is no non-cringe-inducing way to say this, so brace yourself and
read on to find out that Schimmelpenninck ruptured his left testicle on
stage when was hit in the groin by a streamer cannon and yet, he kept playing
and finished the show. Schimmelpenninck has now shared the intimate details of
the incident and it’s every bit as painful and awkward as you would imagine. “In
my enthusiasm I did not pay attention, and happened to be VERY close when the
streamer fired. It hit me from the back, in my genitals,” Schimmelpenninck
wrote in a post on the band’s Facebook page “Although pain was pretty bad right
away, I was merely pissed off at myself for not paying attention. During the
next song, pain got worse though, and I had the feeling I was bleeding. Pretty
soon pain got to the point where I could barely stay conscious anymore, but for
some reason I did manage to finish the show.” He blamed the accident on being
out of position because an extra musician playing with the band caused his
usual stage placement to be out of line, leading to the painful incident. After
nearly having his manhood obliterated, Schimmelpenninck finished the show and
was then take to the hospital, where he found that his “scrotum was the size of
a grapefruit.” Blood was drained, he was stitched up and stayed in the hospital
overnight before being released the following afternoon with plans to join the
band’s forthcoming European tour with Sabaton……..
- Great. This is not going to help rid the world of the
chronic embarrassment that is tools willing to spend a couple hundred dollars
for a metal detector and waste their free time and remaining personal dignity
walking up and down the beach in ridiculous attire while searching for buried
treasure. Long
Island resident John Farrelly is one of those tools we’re all ashamed to know
and the North Babylon dweller is single-handedly giving hope to his fellow
metal detector-owning ass hats with what he found buried on the beach a couple
months back. Farrelly unearthed a diamond engagement ring and after finding
what should have sent him scurrying to the nearest pawn shop or reaching for a
Cash 4 Gold mailing envelope, he did neither. Instead, he set out on a campaign
to find the rightful owner of the ring. “The stone is gorgeous,” Farrelly said.
“The sparkle that comes off of it in the sunshine is spectacular.” The ring was
a few small piles of sand away from being totally buried, but Farrelly was able
to track it down before that happened. “I just saw that little sparkle, and I
brushed around the sand, and there it was,” Farrelly said. His find happened in
late August at Robert Moses Park Field. The retired father of five initially
thought the ring was a fake, but still called in his find to police. He then
took the ring to a jeweler and found that it was real. It also has special
attributes that only the rightful owner would know and to help find that owner,
Farrelly posted a Facebook note that has been shared nearly 50,000 times. “I
couldn’t see anything different than trying to return it to the rightful
owner,” he said. Here’s hoping your bank account forgives you, loser………
- Cleveland Browns fans have no reason to be alarmed about
Sunday’s game. A heavily muscled, dreadlocked man wearing the jersey of their
opposition, the Indianapolis Colts, will not be invading their beloved Dawg
Pound. That man is Colts running
back Trent Richardson, who played for the Browns for less than two seasons and
was a colossal disappointment who could barely crack 3.0 yards per carry on his
best days. The Browns wisely dumped the No. 3 overall pick in the 2012 draft on
the Colts and he’s been even worse there, posting a whopping zero yards on six
carries in a Nov. 16 game and doing scarcely better in every other game this season.
So why the hell does a man with more children by more women than he has
touchdowns this season think he’s going to reach the end zone Sunday at
FirstEnergy Stadium? "I get in the end zone, get a touchdown, I'm going to
jump in the Dawg Pound. I know I have some true fans out there, and I know they
still love me," Richard said of his plans to jump into the Dawg Pound at
FirstEnergy Stadium if he scores a touchdown against his former team. The
perennially disappointing Richardson said he is "looking forward to going
back to Cleveland" to play his former team. "I don't want to say it's
a revenge game, but it's going to be a lot of emotion put in this game,"
he added. Emotion might be the only valuable asset Richardson has left after
the Colts gave up a first-round draft pick to acquire him last September and
it’s now reached the point where Colts coach Chuck Pagano is being interrogated
about why he continues to stick with Richardson as the starter. "Cause
he's our starting running back," Pagano said twice in a 10-second span.
With that sort of circular logic, it’s tough to argue…………
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