- Take two giant steps back and count to 10, overzealous
animal rights activists. Actually, that statement is an oxymoron because all
animal rights activists are by their very definition overzealous, but that
doesn’t change the fact that they need to simmer down over their demands that Pope Francis end
the practice of releasing doves from a Vatican window overlooking St. Peter's
Square simply because those doves were recently bird-bombed by seagull and crow
while a crowd including thousands of children watched below. In a totally transparent
attempt to pass off fake concern for the fragile minds of children as the real
reason for their bleeding heart efforts, the kooks of the National Animal
Protection Agency (EPNA) published an open letter Monday informing the pope
that domesticated doves are easy prey for predators like gulls. Such gulls are
known residents atop the colonnade of St. Peter's Square, near the Tiber River,
and scavenge for garbage in Rome. According to the EPNA, freeing doves in Rome
is like "condemning them to certain death." "Animals born in
captivity, not being wild animals, aren't able to recognize predators as such
and are thus incapable of fleeing from possible dangerous situations,"
ENPA said, vowing to launch a signature petition to get the pope's attention.
Lost on the EPNA losers is the fact that sentencing individuals to death in the
arena is a Roman tradition and neither they nor their pals with the Italian
Federation of Animal and Environment Rights should expect to win this war against
the pontiff. The sight of two smiling children flanking the pope and letting
the doves go, only to have those doves dive-bombed by two hungry
gulls…priceless. The only thing better would have been the pope urging the
children to let the dove fly by screaming, “Pull!” and opening fire on the
doves like they were clay pigeons at the shooting range. Pope John Paul II
began the dove releases as a symbol of peace and as everyone knows, traditions
are important to keep……..
- Let it go, Argentinean soccer legend Diego
Maradona, let it go. And by “it,” we don’t mean the fork full of barbecue beef
you’re currently shoveling into your pudgy face or the credit card you’re about
to use to cut that premium Colombian nose candy you’re about to snort. Both are
logical suggestions for a man with a detailed history of coking up and/or going
on food benders so serious he had to be hospitalized, but in this case neither
is the pressing matter at hand. Instead, the object Maradona needs to
relinquish his grip on is his long-running feud with fellow soccer icon Pele.
The two have been at odds for years in the same way that many great athletes
are at odds with their peers because they each want to be the greatest of
all-time and only one can. Most soccer fans and experts ascribe G.O.A.T. status
to Pele, but Maradona disagrees and soccer’s governing body awarding the Ballon
d'Or Prix d'Honneur to the Brazilian icon at a ceremony in Switzerland last
week hasn’t swayed Maradona. Despite the honor, given because Pele was ineligible
to win the original Ballon d’Or during his playing days as it was then only for
those plying their trade in Europe, Maradona quickly piled on by insisting his Brazilian
rival will always remain inferior. “How can you say that Pele received the
Ballon d’Or before me? I received the award in Paris [in 1996]. So to make Pele
the first one to receive the award before me is a huge mistake,” Maradona said.
“According to me, Pele will always remain second best in football when compared
to Maradona. Look at it this way, in his own country, Brazil, Pele is the
second best sportsman after Ayrton Senna [the former F1 driver].” A) Way to go
with the “according to me” reference, which should go without saying because
you’re the one making the statement and B) Props for slamming Pele by saying a
non-athlete in a bogus sport is a better athlete than the person you’re talking
junk about. “Pele will always be second, be it in international football or in
Brazilian sports. The sad thing is that he is second best and he will continue
to stay in that position,” Maradona said, possibly before going face-first in a
giant plate of fajitas and/or a nice, thick rail of coke………
- This never should have happened. If there is any place
in the world that should never, ever have an insufficient stockpile of flu
vaccine, it is the Sunshine State. Florida is a place overrun with the elderly
as they flock south so avoid the scourges of winter in their home states and
many of them arrive never to leave. Knowing this, how is any vaccine-distributing
agency, business or entity in the state with a median age of 87 (give or take a
few years) not sufficiently stocked up on flu vaccine the instant winter
arrives? This question is directed at the multiple Centra Care centers in central Florida, including
Orange, Lake and Seminole counties, that ran out of the flu shot after a busy weekend. As of Monday morning, centers in Winter Park, Sanford, Waterford Lakes,
Winter Garden, and Mount Dora were drained of their flu vaccine
as the company worked to restock their shelves. As the new week dawned, doctors
said they had a mere 500 shots left for Centra Care's 21 centers around
Central Florida. "These people that should have gotten their shots earlier
in the season are now rushing in at the last minute," said Centra Care physician
Dr. Tim Hendrix. Wait…you didn’t have enough vaccine and you’re blaming the
alarmist fools who are bum-rushing your clinics to get a shot that won't even
help them anyhow and are doing so simply because they are fearful old people who
worry that anything and everything in the world will kill them unless they take
enough pills and shots to stock a pharmacy for a month? Other flu shot centers
reported a similar rush for those seeking flu shots and urged those seeking
vaccination to come in as soon as possible. The Orange County Health Department
said it still has about 2,000 doses left, while Seminole County’s stockpile is
lower. "We've seen more people since we've been hearing about more of the
flu cases, and those deaths, unfortunately," said Dain Weister of the
Orange and Seminole County Health Departments. "It's good people are
getting the vaccine, trying to protect themselves the best they can." Yes,
it’s good…..for drug companies making the flu vaccine………
- It was bound to happen sooner or later and slackers
wasting time playing an avian-themed smartphone game rather than doing
something productive probably deserved it. Yes, both American and British spy
agencies have been exploiting "Angry Birds" and other leak-prone smartphone
apps to collect users' personal information and spy on such personal details as
private citizens’ sexual orientation and preferences. That is the latest
not-so-shocking revelation from documents taken by former intelligence analyst
and current gulag linen cleaner Edward Snowden. Snowden’s leaked documents
showed that intelligence agencies lifted address books, buddy lists and phone
logs and thieved location information from Google Maps when photos are posted
to social media sites. These interesting and previously secret files published
Monday revealed that the National Security Agency and Britain's Government
Communications Headquarters have been hijacking personal details provided by
users or transmitted by their phones since 2007 and depending on how clueless a
person was and how naïve they were about who is out there seeking to pirate
their personal information, these agencies could collect such juicy nuggets as:
home country, current location (through geolocation), age, gender, zip code,
martial status (including swinger or non-swinger), ethnicity, sexual
orientation, education level and number of children. Now, one could argue that
governments would bogart that data by some means no matter how they had to go
about it, but giving it away for free so you could play “Angry Birds” just
seems cheap………
- Central City is filling up quickly. The next superhero
show from the CW and a spin-off of its current drama “Arrow” is casting the
good-looking people who will populate its fictional city and the names are – as
per the CW playbook – lesser-known actors trying to make a name for themselves.
“The Flash” is the show in question and its newest additions are Rick
Cosnett, who played Dr. Wes Maxfield on The “Vampire Diaries,” and “Necessary
Roughness” alum Danielle Panabaker. The duo have joined the cast of the
upcoming “Flash” pilot, which stars Grant Gustin, who made his debut as Barry
Allen on “Arrow” late last year. Cosnett will play Eddie Thawne, a recent
transfer to Central City's detective squad with a dark past, while Panabaker
has been cast as Caitlin Snow, a bioengineer who lost her fiancé during an
explosion at S.T.A.R. labs, the same explosion on a stormy night that led to a
lightning strike giving Allen his speedy powers. In a coincidence sure to send
fanboys’ hearts a-flutterin’, Caitlin Snow also happens to be the name of DC's
latest incarnation of the villain Killer Frost. Oh, and Eddie Thawne sounds
very similar to Eobard Thawne, the man who becomes Professor Zoom/Reverse
Flash. Nerds with pasty complexions and addresses in their stepmother’s
basement will undoubtedly go to town on those thinly veiled hints. Jesse L.
Martin also joined the cast earlier this week, so “The Flash” is zooming toward
its debut in a hurry……..
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