- Have years of paid beatings at the hands of superior
opponents taught the Southern Jaguars nothing? The Jaguars, who routinely go on
the road and represent Southern University in lopsided basketball games that
end with them losing big but getting paid tens of thousands of dollars, were in
the other chair Monday night and the position was clearly unfamiliar to them. Coach Roman Banks’ team jumped to an
NCAA-record 44-0 lead and coasted to a 116-12 victory over Champion Baptist
College. In spite of scoring the game’s first 44 points and winning by 104
points, Banks insisted he did not realize his team was ahead by so much. He
claimed after the game that the Jaguars - heading into SWAC play after a 3-9
start to the season that included losses to Arizona, Florida, Baylor and
Marquette – was merely preparing for league play. Banks added that his team’s confidence
had been shaken by back-to-back losses by a combined 51 points to Arizona and
Baylor. Curb-stomping a hapless opponent that didn’t belong on the same court
will definitely restore that lost mojo, especially after Southern broke the all-divisions
record held by Seton Hall, which scored the first 34 points against Kean
College on Nov. 19, 1998. Before Monday night, no one who isn’t a student at Champion
Baptist had any idea Champion Baptist even existed. Now, the world knows that
the school is an independent member of the Association of Christian College
Athletics and that they suck at basketball. That much is certain for a team
that finished 3-for-44 from the field and did not get in the scoring column
until Kris Connor made two free throws with 5:10 left in the first
half. "I didn't even realize they hadn't scored until then," Banks
said………
- Welcome 2001, Chinese Communist Party. Yes, you
read that correctly. The rest of the world just high-stepped into 2014, but the
communist hell hole’s ruling party is a baker’s dozen years behind – at least
when it comes to smoking. While countries around the world have been hammering
away at smokers’ rights for years, the Communist Party has just come to the
realization that it is a bad idea for party officials to smoke in public places
or buy cigarettes using public funds. Party officials made that bold
declaration earlier this week and said high-ranking party members should
encourage their colleagues to quit smoking. That’s a noteworth statement
because China is the world's largest tobacco consumer and the über-filthy habit
is deeply entrenched in Chinese social life. Luxury cigarettes are frequently
given as gifts and this love of death darts is probably why a pledged smoking
ban enacted in 2008 is still not enforced in most public places. "The
phenomenon of smoking in public places remains prevalent, especially for a
small number of leading cadres, who not only endanger the public health and
environment, but also harm the image of the Communist Party and the
government," a government statement said, adding that party cadres must
not buy tobacco using public funds. In the delusional minds of the government,
party leaders kicking their smoking habits would set an example the rest of the
country would follow. In addition to ditching the cancer sticks, it will now be
o forbidden for government and party organs to provide tobacco or advertise
cigarettes internally. According to the Chinese Center for Disease Control and
Prevention, lawmakers will weigh a nationwide ban on smoking in public places
later this year……..
- Hang on, global warming alarmists. According to Dr. Tim Johnson,
a member of the research team led by Professor Richard White of the Institute
of Geosciences at Johannes Gutenberg University Mainz, Earth used to be much
hotter than it is in 2014. Yes, White’s research focuses on temperatures in
Earth’s mantle that were significantly higher than temperatures recorded in
recent years, but let’s not get hung up on the details. White studied the
Archean eon – which began approximately 4 billion years ago – and discovered
that the Archean crust that emerged from these hotter conditions in such a
dense form that significant chunks were recycled back into the mantle. In
White’s theory, this solid primary crust would have descended vertically in
drip form. That is in stark contrast to the present activities of tectonic
plates, which involve largely crosswise movements with oceanic lithosphere
recycled in subduction zones. Because mantle temperatures were higher during
the Archean eon, Earth’s primary crust that formed at the time must have been
very thick and also very rich in magnesium. In spite of that, White and his
fellow researchers found that little of this original crust remains, indicating
that most must have been recycled into Earth’s mantle. The portions of the
crust that have survived are located in northwest Scotland and Greenland and
are composed of tonalite-trondhjemite-granodiorite complexes and these are
likely to have originated from a hydrated, low-magnesium basalt source. The
research team concluded that these pieces of crust cannot be the direct yields
of an initially magnesium-rich primary crust, the oldest and most stable cores
of the current continents. White, Johnson and their team used thermodynamic
calculations to compile their data and prove something that 99.971558 percent
of people neither understand nor care about………
- Smoke ‘em if you’ve got ‘em…and do it before you get to Denver
International Airport. As of today, pot is legal in Colorado, but that doesn’t
mean folks passing through the capital city’s airport can carry ganja and toke
up as they see fit. Stoner travelers visiting Denver to take advantage of
Colorado's new recreational marijuana law have been warned by airport officials
that it is against the rules to carry their kush through the facility’s
terminals. While there will be no searches specifically for the hippie lettuce
and no drug dogs will patrol the concourses, a person who is searched for any
reason and found to have tree on their person could lose their stash and face a
$999 administrative fine. Denver International Airport spokeswoman Stacey
Stegman confirmed the airport’s stance on the issue and said officials have
imposed a zero-tolerance marijuana policy to discourage would-be pot tourists.
It seems like a bad play, given the wealthy and extravagant lifestyle most
stoners are known to live with their knit beanies, hemp necklaces and Beavis
and Butthead-heavy attire. The new airport policy is so extensive that
officials are warning even people who are simply dropping off a traveler at the
airport to leave their chron at home, as visitors who get into trouble for
fighting, being drunk or another infraction could be searched. Of course, the
average stoner is looking for a place to chill and chow down on Pop Tarts as
opposed to fight, but whatever, bros. Stoners are among the world’s most
resourceful groups and if they can make a bong out of an apple core, they can
sneak their herb past Transportation Security Administration checkpoints that
won't even be checking for marijuana in carry-on bags or travelers' pockets. "Law
enforcement will determine how to proceed with the passenger who is attempting
to transport marijuana -- can include arrest, confiscation of the substance,
request to dispose of the substance or allowing passenger to proceed," the
TSA website says. All in all, it seems like a whole lot of hassle for people
just looking to get baked and relax………
- Go back to making sex tapes to get people to pay attention
to you, Paris Hilton. Hilton, who is in a long-running battle with the entire
Kardashian family to see who is more famous for nothing more than being an
unrepentant attention whore, has done even less than normal to merit her
celebrity status of late. Maybe sensing she was falling behind the pace, the former reality
TV actress decided to do what all desperate people do when their 15 minutes are
slipping away: Say outlandish sh*t. Hilton, taking inspiration from “Austin
Powers” villain Dr. Evil’s idea to make outrageous claims like being the
inventor of the question mark, recently informed the planet the she is "one
of the top five [DJs] in the world.” Hilton’s attempts at music are legendarily
awful, including her failed pop music career that began and ended with her
mega-bad 2006 self-titled album. When it became clear no one had any interest
in hearing her “sing,” Hilton moved on to the turntables in 2012 with a failure
of a set spinning tunes at the Pop Music Festival in Sao Paulo, Brazil. Instead
of actually doing DJ tasks like mixing tracks, Hilton spent her time in the
booth dancing and that didn’t play well with the crowd. In spite of that
failure, she continued to DJ - primarily with a residency at Ibiza nightclub
Amnesia this summer - and now brags that she is both one of the best and
highest-paid DJs on Earth. Asked about the profitable world in which she now
allegedly works, Hilton replied, “I love it… I’m one of the top five in the
world.” She went on to say that she will go back for a second season in Ibiza
next summer. Sadly, the facts dispute her story, as a recent Forbes piece
listed the world’s highest-earning DJs as Calvin Harris, Tiesto, David Guetta,
Swedish House Mafia and Deadmau5………
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