- Sunday was a big day for people who enjoy using public
transportation sans pants. Yes, Sunday was that magical day known worldwide as No Pants
Subway Ride Day. The annual event challenges public transportation riders
‘round the globe to board a bus, train or subway of their choosing sans
pantaloons. The event is organized by a collection of local groups and while
each has its own recommendations, most advise participants to wear something
that is tasteful rather than an über-revealing pair of underwear that could
lead to an indecent exposure charge. No Pants Subway Ride Day began in New York
12 years ago and has spread globally since. Commuters in cities large and small
took part this year and pants-free travelers were spotted in Berlin, Beijing,
Chicago, Hong Kong and Sydney, to name a few. The celebration of trouser-free
travel is the brainchild of the American performance outfit Improv Everywhere.
It began humbly, as so many great events do, with seven weird dudes going pants-less
in the Big Apple. Their brilliant vision has spread to dozens of cities around
the world. Rules for the events are relatively simple: Riders agree on a
meeting point using social media and show up at the designated location with
their pants on. The split into smaller groups, drop trou and board a metro car
at separate stops behaving the usual way – talking on their phone, reading a
book, etc. All that sets the No Pants riders apart from their fellow passengers
is their lack of low body garments, which is part of the event’s humor. On the
Facebook page for the Sydney version, organizers warned, “Don’t wear a thong or anything else that
might offend people. Our aim is to make people laugh, not piss them off.”
The final rule is that participants should pretend that they do not know each
other and not speak to one another. If they are asked by someone who does have
pants on what they’re doing, they are to reply that they forgot to wear pants.
Yes, the world is a wonderfully weird place………
- This is government at its finest. Wasting money and doing
it behind the iron curtain of bureaucratic immunity is an art form to be sure,
but blowing nine figures to ensure that every American who has a penis has the
right to a vacuum
erection systems (VES) is a beautiful and ridiculous thing. Give creditor for this
amazing feat to the federal government, which used taxpayer funds to purchase
$175 million worth of penis pumps…that it could have gotten for half of that
amount. Yes, the government not only blew copious amount of cash, but it paid
twice the market price for those Johnson juicers. An inspector general report
released on Monday by the Department of Health and Human Services Inspector
General’s office revealed that the federal government paid more than double the
retail price for VES. According to the report, Medicare prices for the systems “remain
grossly excessive compared with the amounts that non-Medicare payers pay.” Yet
over the course of five-plus years, Medicare paid 473,620 VES claims. Health
care analysts were quick to decry the revelations in the IG report as the
definition of what they describe as wasteful spending in federal health
programs. It’s easy to agree with them…provided you’re a fool who doesn’t
appreciate the government’s absurd attempts to make a technology so ridiculous
that it was lampooned in the first “Austin Powers” movie (in 1997). If a man
wants to use a vacuum pump to plump up his crank, then it is clearly his
government’s responsibility to fund that quest. At a minimum, penis pumps are
less annoying than those nonstop commercials from crank enhancer medicine that
run during every break in every televised sporting event……..
- The world cares and America is indifferent…yes, the topic
must be soccer. In an announcement that much of the world watched with rapt
attention, Portuguese soccer star won the Ballon d'Or award as the top player as
determined by FIFA, the sport’s governing body. He wrested the award from the
control of Argentinean standout Lionel Messi by netting an impressive 69 goals
in 59 games. The Real Madrid striker surpassed Hugo Sanchez in his club's
scoring charts and equal Portugal legend Pauleta at the top of his country's
list with 47 in 109 games and that was enough to push him past his two Ballon
d'Or rivals, Messi and Franck Ribery. Ronaldo netted 14 of his goals in the
Champions League as Madrid reached the semifinals before being beaten by
Borussia Dortmun, eclipsing the record of 13 achieved in the season before by
Messi. He ended 2013 as the top scorer in all of Europe's biggest leagues and
to accept the award in Zurich, Ronaldo flew with an impressive posse that
included current and former stars such as Florentino Perez, Zinedine Zidane,
Emilio Butragueno and Sergio Ramos. "Thank you to everyone, my teammates,
the national team and my family, to everyone here,” Ronaldo said before turning
his attention briefly to the late African leader Nelson Mandela, who passed
away last month. “Eusebio and Mandela were very important for me, I can't
speak.” Sadly, Messi did not celebrate his honor in the way a soccer diva
should, namely by running in circles around the stage with his teammates
trailing him, his arms outstretched like an airplane and his shirt removed,
twirling behind him as he ran and dove across the stage Maybe next year, eh
Cristiano………
- Hey ya. The musical curiosity that is the pop-R&B duo
OutKast is back, back again and the tandem of Andre 3000 and Big Boi are going
big now that they have reunited. After announcing last week that they would be
making their live comeback headlining Coachella Festival in California
alongside Muse and Arcade Fire in April, OutKast has revealed that they will
play some 40 festivals around the world this summer. Their busy slate will
include a headlining slot at New York's Governors Ball festival, which takes
place June 6-8 on Randall's Island. This 40-show festival tour is “to celebrate
the 20th anniversary of their unique and influential sound,” according to a
statement from the group. Beyond their two headlining spots, OutKast have not
revealed the remaining stops on their global jaunt. "It's truly an honor
to celebrate 20 years and still be free to do music the way we choose,"
Big Boi said in a statement. "Don't just think outside the box, know that
there is no box. I'm looking forward to rocking the stage with my Bro Ski and
to all the fans — stank you smelly much, this is for y'all!" The duo
(mercifully) went on hiatus in 2007 and have not performed together since 2004.
Both members have achieved limited success as solo acts in the interim, but the
chance to come together to mark the 20th anniversary of their 1994 debut album “Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik”
and make a lot of money touring without actually writing or releasing any new
music was simply too tempting. "And imagine, all we wanted to do was rap!
I am thankful to have been a part of a group that allowed me to explore
anything that came to mind and have fun doing it,” Andre 3000 added in the same
written statement………
- This is a new low, even for a low-end commercial airline
known for its no-frills approach to flying the friendly skies. Airlines have
lost all manner of luggage over the years, they have misplace pets and they
even mistakenly sell seats on flights when there are no seats available. Still,
their pilots typically do not lose track of where they are and misplace their
destination. Sadly, this reality changed late Sunday when a Southwest Airlines
passenger jet scheduled to land at Branson Airport on Sunday instead landed at
M. Graham Clark Downtown Airport, or Taney County Airport, which has a shorter
runway. The incident remains under investigation, but the flight’s pilots
have been removed from active duty and their flight – with new and almost
certainly more competent pilots at the controls – took off Monday to complete
its journey to Missouri from Chicago Midway. Flight 4013 was not the best place even
before its misplaced landing, as passenger Jodell Fitzwater said the plane
filled with the smell of burning rubber and no one on board realized they had
landed at the wrong airport until they were on the ground. Thankfully, no one
was injured and multiple agencies responded to the scene and worked to get
passengers off the plane and boarded on a shuttle to take them to Branson
Airport. Southwest did its best to publicly downplay the incident in a B.S.
business-speak statement that read: "The Southwest Airlines Pilot in command of flight #4013 safely landed
at (PLK) Taney County airport this evening. The Boeing 737-700 carried
124 Customers and a crew of five and was operating as a scheduled flight from
Chicago Midway to Branson. Our ground crew from the Branson airport has arrived
at the airport to take care of our Customers and their baggage. The
landing was uneventful, and all Customers and Crew are safe." Yes, if only
something had tipped off the pilots to their error, perhaps that the
runway at the Taney County Airport stretches only 3,738 feet and the Branson
Airport runway is nearly twice as long at 7,140 feet………..
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