Monday, November 19, 2012

China helps the world, San Francisco v. naked people and bad statues of the pope


- San Francisco is a freak show and for the most part, extremely proud of that fact. Well, maybe not ALL San Franciscans. A few city lawmakers want to censor one of the more, um, colorful parts of the city’s liberal culture by banning nudity in public places, in an escalating fight against a group of nudists. Yes, lawmakers vs. nudists is a fun headline every day of the week, by city officials see nothing fun about naked people in public places and have put forth a proposal that would make it illegal for anyone over five to "expose his or her genitals, perineum or anal region" in most public locations. Yes, the out-of-shape naked people who are almost always the ones willing to take off their clothes in public places will still be able to take it all off for certain street fairs and events, but for the most part they would be legally required to keep their clothes on. There is more to the matter than a simple city ordinance, as a federal lawsuit has already been filed arguing the proposal infringes on free speech rights. All of this stems from a growing number of complaints about an increasingly large group of naked men who have been gathering in a public plaza in the city's Castro district, a hub for the gay community. The city council previously passed a law requiring a piece of cloth between a nude resident and a public seating place, but the law only seemed to spur more naked kooks to flock to the plaza and hang around wearing no clothes. "I don't think having some guys taking their clothes off and hanging out seven days a week at Castro and Market Street is really what San Francisco is about," district supervisor Scott Wiener said. "I think it's a caricature of what San Francisco is about." Yes, the man arguing against a group of naked men in a public place has the last name Wiener, so feel free to laugh about that one. The new ordinance would fine offensive offenders $100, but repeat violations could lead to fines of up to $500 and one (fully clothed) year in jail. A naked-in protest outside city hall against the proposed new law took place last week, but attempts to keep this element of weird alive and well in San Francisco appear to be (thankfully) a losing battle……….


- Left ostracized by his 50-game suspension by Major League Baseball for using a performance-enhancing substance and unable to find work in the United States, free-agent outfielder Melky Cabrera has been forced to flee the country and pursue his baseball career abroad….in Canada. Cabrera has agreed to a two-year contract worth $16 million with the Toronto Blue Jays, meaning his cheating ways have netted the very sort of profitable result that cheaters like him are after when they shoot up or ingest a PED. Cabrera must pass a physical, but once he does, he will have a job patrolling the outfield north of the border. The past year has been chaotic for Cabrera, who was suspended for 50 games without pay in August after testing positive for testosterone while playing for the San Francisco Giants. He was suspended only after being named the All-Star Game MVP and helping the National League secure the home-field advantage in the World Series that the Giants later used to sweep the Detroit Tigers and win their second championship in the past three seasons. They made the playoff thanks in part to Cabrera’s strong play prior to his suspension, as he led the National League in hits and was second in batting average before the ban. He joins a Toronto team in the midst of a roster overhaul. Last week, the Blue Jays agreed to a blockbuster trade with the Miami Marlins that will bring them shortstop Jose Reyes and pitchers Josh Johnson and Mark Buehrle. Along with sluggers Edwin Encarnacion (42 homers) and two-time home run champ Jose Bautista (27 homers), Cabrera will be counted on to a) not take any PEDs and b) bolster Toronto’s lineup as the team attempts to return to the postseason for the first time in 20 years……….


- Natural disasters are sweeping the globe, from superstorms ravaging the East Coast of the United States to tsunamis sweeping across Japan and earthquakes rocking India. In a troubled time like this, who will step up and save humanity from future environmental hazards? How about China? The Communist hell hole that owns much of America’s national debt is trying to become a warning siren for the globe by launching a radar-equipped environmental satellite to monitor the globe for natural disasters. China launched a Long March 2C rocket Sunday with the environmental satellite Monday morning, according to state media. The Huanjing 1C satellite, mounted on top of a Long March 2C rocket, reportedly lifted off from the Taiyuan space center in northern China's Shanxi province. On board the 138-foot-tall rocket were three payloads, including the Huanjing craft and two secondary passengers. The government declared the launch a success after the launcher reached a polar orbit about 300 miles high. How will this enviro-satellite benefit the world? The Huanjing 1C satellite is fitted with a synthetic aperture radar instrument designed to look through clouds and snap images of Earth's surface 24 hours a day, regardless of weather conditions. China already has Huanjing satellites with optical imagers in orbit since 2008 and this disaster-monitoring fleet will accumulate data on floods, typhoons wildfires, drought and landslides. In an attempt to curry favor with nations it may later attempt a hostile takeover of, China shares images from the Huanjing satellites with other countries as part of an international framework for disaster response. Monday’s launch was China’s 16th space launch of 2012………


- In a shocking piece of news, reality karaoke show contestants may actually have standards. Specifically, “X-Factor Karaoke” contestant Jahmene Douglas has standards and although he is willing to whore out any musical integrity he may have once possessed to audition for a reality karaoke show on which he would then sing bastardized versions of other people’s songs, he refuses to sing the Katy Perry song “Last Friday Night.” Perry’s music would seem to be the perfect sort for a hack karaoke-er like Douglas to sing, but when “X-Factor Karaoke” contestants were due to perform Perry's single as a group during Sunday's results show, Douglas reportedly refused because he feels the tune glorifies drinking alcohol to excess. No one is sure where he got that idea from a song with lyrics such as: "I smell like a minibar, DJ's passed out in the yard" and "Yeah we danced on tabletops, and we took too many shots, think we kissed but I forgot," but that is the conclusion Douglas reached. According to multiple sources within the reality karaoke show world, Douglas is a teetotaler and his decision left producers scrambling to find an alternative song. In the music video for the “song,” which is taken from Perry's 2010 album “Teenage Dream,” Perry hosts a massive house party and passes out drunk at the end. Hanson, Kenny G, Corey Feldman, Debbie Gibson and Rebecca Black all guest star and given the latter two individuals’ propensity for terrible music and publicity-seeking stunts, their participation makes sense. Douglas’ sudden growth of a musical conscience does not……..


- In Italy of all places, one must be careful of how he or she describes, depicts or otherwise addresses the pope. F*cking up the name or likeness of the Catholic Church’s highest-ranking leader is a reason to go for Italians and for the faithful around the world. That’s why a badly botched statue of Pope John Paul II that was erected in Rome in 2011 was such an ugly incident for the city and its leaders. Artist Oliviero Rainaldi created the statue and although he insisted he was pleased with the final product, the statue was ridiculed as an offensive approximation of the pope by many. Rainaldi blamed workers for a bad assemblage of the larger-than-life statue the first time around. His work was slammed by the public and critics alike as looking more like Fascist dictator Benito Mussolini than the beloved Polish pope. A tribute to a Fascist and ally of Adolf Hitler wasn’t what the Vatican had in mind and its own art critic wrote that it looked like a "bomb" had landed. Haters even argued that if a passerby didn’t know who the statue depicted, most would not recognize it as honoring John Paul. Realizing a catastrophe of art was unfolding, Mayor Gianni Alemanno quickly assembled a committee of art experts, culture officials and scholars to work with Rainaldi to rework the sculpture so it matched what had been approved in his sketches. Rainaldi continued to downplay concerns over its appearance and said the revisions involved "small corrections" to the "errors" made during the initial assembly. Most of the changes focused on the pope's face: he now smiles and has more defined chin on his Charlie Brown-esque head. The city of Rome unveiled the revamped statue on Monday and initial reactions have been, at a minimum, more positive than those after the initial unveiling. Anyone wanting to judge the statue for themselves need only take a train to Rome’s main train station and step outside……..

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