Greek's season premiere, the NFL continues to stamp out all vestiges of individuality and Bill Gates looking to control the weather

- I know this is no surprise and I know it’s NFL policy to police the most minute, innocuous details of anything that goes on before, during and after every game, but none of that makes this any less ridiculous. The league has fined Cincinnati Bengals receiver Chad Ochocinco $5,000 for….wait for it….wait for it….. wearing an orange chin strap during a preseason game - seriously. Of all the things Ochocinco has done on the field - the many entertaining/illegal touchdown celebrations and antics - and he gets touched up for wearing a tiny piece of plastic that’s the wrong color? Child, please. No, this isn't an issue because of the fine itself. Ochocinco and any NFL player can afford $5,000, especially since that money will be donated to a charity. Rather, it’s about the no-fun a-holes in the NFL office who feel that they must legislate every last ounce of individuality and fun out of the game. Ochocinco shared his thought on the fine on his Twitter page Saturday, saying, "WTF I got a damn fine already, it's the damn preseason, this is some b-------!!!!" Sure, NFL Rule 5, Section 4, Article 3(a) specifies that all players must wear a "Helmet with chin strap (white only) fastened and face mask attached.” So yes, the rule is there in the rulebook, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. The league can make all sorts of inane and pointless rules and write them down, but that only makes them look worse, not the players they are fining. As you’d expect from the enigma that is Ochocinco, he also Tweeted that he is going to sue the NFL for discrimination. "Im sueing [sic] the NFL," he wrote at about 1:45 p.m. ET, "I am color blind so this fine is discriminating because I'm disabled in a way, this is a sad day for me:(" Sure thing, Chad. He’s not going to sue the NFL and like most everything this guy does, that Tweet is all about drumming up more attention for himself. To that end, he also posted a photograph of the letter he received from the league informing him of the fine. However, this is one case where I’m going to have to side with Ochocinco and agree that the NFL is patently absurd and has crossed the line from maintaining professionalism and decorum in its games to becoming the anal retentive, overbearing fun police that are sucking the joy out of professional football………

- Rather than make a quantum leap forward in time from the end of last season, tonight’s season premiere of Greek was set the day after the Kappa Tau’s “End of the World” party capped Season 3 of the show. For Rusty Cartwright, that meant dealing with the consequences of his decision to blow off the remainder of his organic chemistry extra credit project designed to help him boost his grade after earning a D on his midterm. With 24 hours to go before he needs to show the results of his extra credit project to his advisor, Dr. Hastings, Rusty needs to find a way to get back into the chemistry building to finish the project. Doing so means he must say no to spending a day with girlfriend Jordan, who wants to drive up to Canyon Lake and hang out. Rusty’s plan to finish his project is thrown for a loop when the chemistry building is locked, leaving him scrambling, desperate and resigned to a) being able to get no better than a C in o-chem, b) seeing his GPA drop below 3.5 and thus c) being kicked out of the honors program. He wallows in his self-pity, especially after learning that his RA and friend Max, who he counted on to help him get back into the chemistry building, has left the university and the country after breaking up with Rusty’s sister Casey. Rusty visits the Zeta Beta Zeta house to chastise Casey for breaking up with Max and possibly getting back together with Cappie. After that, it’s back to his apartment for more wallowing…..until Jordan decides to help him out by going to Casey and asking for her assistance. Casey reluctantly decides to intervene, giving up her plans to attend a party being thrown that night by the Omega Chi’s to kick off their “Gotcha!” assassin game, wherein fraternity and sorority members are assigned “targets” from other frats and sororities to “kill” using rubber dart guns until only one person is left “alive.” With Casey’s help, Rusty is able to steal keys to the chemistry building from an unsuspecting security guard. From there, it’s a matter of finding the right key to the building, then finding the right key to the lab (which takes forever) and getting inside. In the meantime, Cappie has heard of Rusty’s situation from Rusty’s trusty roomie Dale and springs into action. Dressing in the ninja costume he’d planned to wear to the assassin party, Cappie sneaks into the chemistry lab through an open window and opens the door for Rusty and Casey from the inside. While Rusty completes his experiment, the awkwardness between Casey and Cappie is palpable. Finally, the truth comes out: Cappie didn’t break up Max and Casey by hitting on her, she came on to him. The group sharing session is cut short when a sensor in the room picks up on gas that has leaked during Rusty’s experiment and the three of them flee the room only to find that all the doors out of the building are locked. With campus security closing in, Cappie falls on a grenade for the team and gives himself up, pretending to be a lone protestor making a stand against animal usage in experiments even though there are no animals in the building. His distraction allows Casey and Rusty to get away, plus Rusty turns in his extra credit work the next day and raises his midterm grade from a D to a C. Grades are the least of the concerns for Rusty’s pals Calvin and Dale, both of whom had interesting encounters with their respective love interests at the “End of the World” party. Calvin and his crush Grant apparently got drunk and both woke up back at Rusty and Dale’s apartment (where Calvin is a frequent couch guest) the next morning. Calvin’s memories of the previous night are foggy, but after worrying that he’d had drunken sex and didn’t remember it, Grant admits that nothing happened. The same can't be said for Dale, who was last seen getting after it at the party with cougar landlady Sheila. After hedging and dragging his feet, Dale finally admits that he had sex with Sheila, going against his religious beliefs and “purity pledge” to wait for sex until marriage. This was a rare serious, emotional scene for the show, as Dale seemed on the verge of tears as he admitted to Calvin what had happened and that “sex changes everything.” When Dale decides that having sex with Sheila means he needs to marry her, she blows him off and it’s clear that for her, he’s nothing more than someone to fool around with. We’ll have to see how Dale rebounds from this and if he can overcome his crisis of conscience. The last bit of drama involves Rebecca Logan, who made out with a mystery guy at the party and won't give up the info on who the guy is. The next day, she has a chance encounter with a down-and-out Evan Chambers, who is trying to withdraw money from an ATM near campus and finds his account empty. He admits to Rebecca that he stood up to his parents, gave up his trust fund and is now basically broke. She offers to help him pay for supplies for the “Gotcha!” party - as long as he helps her out with something. That something turns out to be posing as the mystery guy she made out with at the party. So Evan sends her flowers at the ZBZ house and poses as her date at the “Gotcha!” party so that Ashleigh will believe her story. At the party, she stages a scene in which she slaps Evan and storms off, “ending” things between them. The truth about the “End of the World” party was then revealed in a flashback to the day before, when we see a) Rebecca making out with Ashleigh’s boyfriend Fisher and b) Cappie, sitting on the roof where he ended the Season 3 finale, mulling over the revelation from Ashleigh that Max and Casey had broken up. An epiphany strikes Cappie and he sprints downstairs, through the house on his way to find Casey and tell her that he does want to be with her. Along the way, he’s stopped by a slightly drunken Evan, who challenges him as to whether getting back together with Casey is the right thing. After all, he lost her once, does he want to go through the pain of losing her again? Evan challenges Cappie to think it over, sleep on it and if he still feels the same way in the morning, he can go after Casey. Based on the next day’s events, it would appear that Cappie ultimately decided that he didn’t want the potential heartbreak of losing his dream girl again, so he’s holding off…..for now. All in all, this episode was about tying up some loose ends, re-establishing storylines between seasons and setting up the new season. Not as many laughs as usual for Greek and a little more drama, but it’s good to have the show back………

- If I’m understanding this correctly, hurricane experts are saying that a man who is responsible for the creation of the perennial second-rate computer operating system that is the source of constant consternation by users worldwide cannot possibly create technology to control the weather. These experts are casting serious aspersions on an idea backed by billionaire Microsoft founder Bill Gates aimed at controlling the weather. Gates and a dozen other scientists have submitted patent applications for a technology to reduce the danger of approaching hurricanes by cooling ocean temperatures, an idea that is as interesting as it is unrealistic. With the southeastern corner of the United States buffeted by hurricanes on a regular basis and the nightmare of Hurricane Katrina still fresh in American minds, a device like the one Gates and his posse are fronting would be an amazing asset. However, the project would be so much larger and on such a ginormous scale compared to anything that we’ve ever seen that scientists are having a tough time believing that this project is possible. “The enormity of it, in order to do something effective, we'd have to do something at a scale that humans have never really done before," said Gabriel Vecchi, a research scientist with the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. The basic idea for the proposed technology is that because hurricanes are fueled by warm water, cooling the waters surrounding a storm would slow its momentum. According to the patents, several large barges would be placed directly in the path of an oncoming storm, with barge equipped with two conduits, each 500 feet long. One conduit would push the warm water from the ocean's surface down while the other would bring up cold water where it lies deep undersea. The primary issue with the idea’s functionality is that there simply would not be enough warning of a coming hurricane to put the barges in place and bring up enough cold water to make a difference. Even if the barges were put in place at the beginning of a hurricane season, experts doubt the degree to which the barges could weaken a massive storm. So far Gates and his spokesperson aren’t responding to requests for comment about the project, but we do know that the patents were filed in January by Searete LLC, a subsidiary of Intellectual Ventures, an invention firm run by Microsoft's former chief technology officer Nathan Myhrvold. In the end, this seems like it will end up as nothing more than an interesting idea and theory from a brilliant business mind that never becomes anything tangible or practical, so it’s back to selling subpar operating systems to the world for Gates……….

- The hits just keep on coming in Afghanistan, as long as by “hits” you mean claims of election fraud. On Sunday alone, the number of voter fraud complaints in the Afghan presidential vote more than doubled. Election officials now say that they have now deemed 567 of them serious enough to affect the outcome of last week's vote. All told, Afghan officials have received 2,493 complaints, 753 of them coming after Thursday. Of those 2,493 complaints, 567 are considered Priority A -- or ones that can alter the results. The grievances include allegations of polling irregularities, voter intimidation and ballot stuffing. For the Electoral Complaints Commission to certify the results of the August 20 vote, it must resolve the complaints it has received. Even taking these fraud complaints into account, there remains a wide margin between incumbent president Hamid Karzai and his nearest rival, Abdullah Abdullah, in voting tallies released Saturday. According to those results, Karzai has 940,558 votes, while Abdullah has 638,924 votes. Not an insurmountable deficit, depending on how severe and widespread the alleged voter fraud is, but it’s a tall mountain for Abdullah to climb. Out of the race at this point, it would seem, is Ramazan Bashardost, who currently stands in third with 277,404 votes. Only 35 percent of the votes have been counted and final election results are not expected until September, so this thing is a long way from over. It’s also important to remember that candidates must get 50 percent of the vote to avoid a run-off and the math-proficient among you can look at the aforementioned vote tallies and realize that neither Karzai (46 percent) nor Abdullah (31 percent) has half of the 2,032,734 votes. Should that figure hold up, there will be a run-off between the top two contenders, most likely in mid-October. That would be quite a scene, given that Abdullah has been the most vocal and outspoken critic of Karzai and the one leading the charge on the fraud allegations. I don’t know if these allegations are true, but I certainly hope they are. Nothing is better than the aspiring or incumbent leader of a nation looking to blow right by the will of his or her people and rigging the vote to ensure a rise to power whether the commoners like it or not………

- There’s a great line in the first “Matrix” movie where Agent Smith (Hugo Weaving) asks Neo (Keanu Reeves) the following: “Hear that, Mr. Anderson? That’s the sound of inevitability.” That sums up my feelings about a meth lab explosion in the small town of Mt. Orab, Ohio, an explosion that resulted in two meth heads, er, men being flown a local hospital with serious burns to nearly half of their bodies. Also, at least one of the victims was treated for "possible inhalation injuries," medics said. This all went down Sunday morning, when an explosion rocked the a neighborhood located on the 1900 block of Harker Waits Road. Around 7:15 a.m., rescue and fire crews responded to a call concerning a burn victim who had wandered to his relatives' home. When emergency crews arrived on the scene, they located the man and found that he had burns to over 40 percent of his body. Around the same time, other emergency workers responded to a call of a structure fire at a trailer home near the intersection of Greenbush West Road and Harker Waits Road. Using top-notch police work, the authorities were able to determine that their burn victim had wandered from the fire scene, a.k.a. the meth lab. Emergency workers then spent hours gathering evidence at the home, which was shocking to neighbors who had no clue of what the home was actually used for. “Having something right down the road -- with kids -- it's just scary," neighbor Donna Gullett said. Perhaps, but what’s equally scary is the possibility that none of the locals had a clue what was going on inside that home. Let’s put some puzzle pieces together and see if we can’t discover why I’m so disturbed. First, it’s a rural area. What is meth if not the low-class, low-rent drug of the rural population? You don’t see meth as the major drug causing problems in cities and wealthy areas - that’s what cocaine is for. Second, I haven’t seen pictures of the two men who were burned in this meth lab explosion and those pics wouldn’t do much good unless they were pre-inferno, but I’m guessing they fit one or more of the following characteristics: 1) scruffy facial hair, 2) some form of mullet, 3) no better than a high school education, 4) previous criminal history and 5) and IQ well below normal. That’s the profile of your average meth lab operator/cook, make no bones about it. Given the fact that these yahoos were living in an area where meth has become an increasingly large menace, how could no one put two and two together and figure out their deal? After all, it’s the second meth lab discovery for Brown County authorities in less than a week. Deputies discovered another lab in Hamersville on Wednesday night when they went to serve a search warrant in an unrelated case. Brown County, making a strong bid to be the meth capital of southwestern Ohio……….

A fitting outcome for the Oakland Raiders, I review "Taking Woodstock" and everbody's fleeing Myanmar....again

- In the course of the NFL preseason, the third exhibition game is considered the most important contest for teams. It’s when starters play the most they will play during any preseason game (typically into the third quarter), it’s what most teams refer to as a dress rehearsal game for the regular season and because many teams hold their star players out of the fourth and final preseason game, it’s the last time those top players will see the field in a game before the start of the regular season. Through that prism, let’s go ahead and examine Saturday’s preseason game between the New Orleans Saints and Oakland Raiders. For most teams, losing 45-7 at home in the third game of the preseason would be a catastrophically bad occurrence, a point of great concern with the start of the regular season a mere two weeks away. Sure, the loss doesn’t count in the standings and it should be easy to shake off, but that kind of beatdown still stings, exhibition game or not. But for the Raiders, I submit that it could not be a more fitting and appropriate result for the most important game of the preseason. After all, if that third exhibition game truly is a dress rehearsal for the regular season, what could be more apropos for the Raiders and their fans than getting accustomed to the sort of beatdown that they will suffer regularly throughout the season? What represents this franchise better than having six punts and three fumbles on their first six drives of the game? I’ll answer that for you: nothing. The Raiders are owned by a possibly dead, jumpsuit-wearing kook with old lady glasses, Al Davis, a guy who is either not alive or completely senile, but either way he’s running the franchise right into the ground. He drafted receiver Darius Heyward-Bey with the fifth pick in the 2009 draft, a full 20 picks higher than anyone with a functioning brain would have drafted him, all because Heyward-Bey excelled in the one skill test Davis seems to care about these days, the 40-yard dash. They are a team of draft busts, overrated veterans with bloated contracts and head coaches who sucker punch assistant coaches in the face during meetings and then lie about what happened. So while most people would look at that 45-7 score at the end of Saturday night’s game and see a whole lot of negatives, I look up and see a scoreboard that screams, “Raiders!” as loudly as possible…….

- Would the last person out of Myanmar please turn the lights off? With literally thousands of refugees from Myanmar pouring across the border into China in recent weeks, you’d think that sooner or later Myanmar is going to run out of citizens to oppress. Also, if you’re fleeing from anywhere and China looks like a better option to you, that’s not good. The mass exodus from Taiwan would seem to indicate that a 20-year cease-fire between ethnic minorities and Myanmar's military rulers might be falling apart. According to estimates by the U.N. High Commissioner for Refugees (a position I’d love to have simply because people would have to call me “High Commissioner”), as 30,000 people had fled Myanmar. The Chinese don’t appear to be overly thrilled with the influx of Burmese refugees (not much thrills the Chinese these days other than oppressing the basic human rights of their citizens and the possibility of world domination). Chinese Foreign Ministry spokeswoman Jiang Yu in a statement Friday urged the Myanmar government to "safeguard the regional stability of its bordering area with China." In other words, keep your filthy, unwashed masses out our country, fool. Still, the Chinese are grudgingly making accommodations for the glut of refugees now residing on their soil. In the border town of Nansan, the government has arranged emergency housing for refugees in an attempt to restore stability. China is also in a difficult spot because at this point, it is basically the only remaining ally of Myanmar’s brutal, repressive and totalitarian regime. Those flooding across its border are mostly are ethnic Chinese who had been living more or less autonomously in what is called the Kokang region. Now that Myanmar’s authoritarian regime is looking to break up that autonomy by dissolving its ethnic militia and incorporate their fighters into a national border police. "We are just like our own small kingdom on the Burmese border. . . . That is what we are trying to defend," said Aung Kyaw Zaw, a former rebel who lives in exile in Ruili on the Chinese side of the border. The resulting conflict has been raging since early last month, but the fears that it could spread into something larger appear to have substantial validity. Even though the peace in the area dates back to cease-fire agreements with various ethnic militias in 1989, those 20-plus years of tranquility don’t mean a damn thing to those who are now brawling. Nor does it matter to the poor refugees who are fleeing the fighting and holing up in places like the Hongping Hotel in Nansan, where the Chinese Ministry of Public Security is putting up about 40 refugees. Their lives are being turned upside down and there are no signs that the unrest will be quelled any time soon…….

- Let’s see if this government program to buy back useless crap from Americans can last longer than a couple of weeks. The state of Oklahoma can’t unleash its own “cash for clunkers” program like our esteemed federal government, but what the Okies can do is implement a federal program that will offer incentives for people to replace old household appliances with new, energy-efficient ones. Like everything newsworthy these days - federal programs, celebrity couples, etc. - this thing needs a cutesy nickname and so it will have one: "Dollars for Dishwashers.” With the help of $300 million federal dollars, states will be able to encourage their citizens to buy new refrigerators, washing machines and dishwashers and Oklahoma will put its $3.5 million for the program to good use. The program won't start just yet, as the money won't be distributed until Nov. 30 (of course, the government still hasn’t paid up many car dealerships for the “cash for clunkers” program, so take that promise with a healthy dose of skepticism). The whiny, complaining b*tches of the appliance industry are somehow managing to view this possible sales boon as a negative, saying that customers may put off buying appliances right now and wait until “Dollars for Dishwashers” begins. We worry about the lag time now that it's all over the Internet and when the states actually implement the program to manufacturers and us," said Guy Minnix of Metro Builders Supply in Oklahoma. You know what, guy? Shut it. Soon enough, the state Department of Commerce will unveil the guidelines for the rebate program and the appliance onslaught can begin. The final plans should be released by mid-October and consumers will learn exactly how much money they might get back. As someone who owns neither a dishwasher nor an out-of-date refrigerator, I can't say that I’m all that jacked up about this program, but I am excited about the potential for another government-run program that turns into an unmitigated disaster, so game on, “Dollars for Dishwashers,” game on……….

- The primary criticism of Ang Lee’s new movie, “Taking Woodstock,” has been that it’s a movie about the most transcendent, pertinent cultural event of the 20th century, a music festival showcasing tons of legendary artists, and there isn't that much of what happened on stage in the movie. People who went into the movie theater relatively blind voiced this criticism even more loudly, although I knew what to expect from watching Lee when he was a guest on “The Colbert Report” with Stephen Colbert on Comedy Central. And honestly, I had no issue with Lee focusing more on how the festival came together and the non-musical figures who made Woodstock possible than on the performances themselves. After all, even if you did devote substantial time to the music, how hard is it going to be to get believable, musically viable actors to play the likes of Jimi Hendrix, Jefferson Airplane, Janis Joplin and The Who? Not likely, as you could guess. So instead, Lee wove a modest, amiable movie that basically comes off as a coming-of-age, coming-out comedy. Despite the fact that Lee was still a teenager living in Taiwan when Woodstock took place, he felt compelled to create a cinematic homage to it and I think he did a solid job. “Taking Woodstock” stars Demetri Martin as Elliot Teichberg, a young man who quits Greenwich Village to help his parents keep open their failing Bethel (N.Y.) motel. He somehow manages to become Bethel's youngest director of the chamber of commerce, but the motel is a colossal failure. It appears doomed until a neighboring community tells Michael Lang, the founder and promoter of Woodstock (played by Jonathan Groff) that his festival isn't welcome in their town. Elliot invites Lang to check out his facilities and because he’s already in possession of permit for his own annual summer festival involving an experimental theatre troupe in the barn and playing records out in the meadow, so why not tweak things a little? From there, Woodstock unfolds and the characters who made it happen offstage take center stage. In the process, Elliot manages to shake many of his conservative ways and embrace two quintessential ‘60s/’70s staples: drugs and sexual liberation. The movie is great because it takes its time telling the story, never rushing things. We get to see the festival take shape and the crowd that eventually reached nearly half a million filter into Bethel. And while some have panned Martin’s performance as so-so or even uninspired, I give him a thumbs up for a solid-but-not-great effort. All in all, I’ll slap my seal of approval on “Taking Woodstock," which is rated R and runs 120 minutes. Give it a shot if you’ve ever had even the most remote interest in this landmark cultural event and I promise it’ll be worth your while………

- Finally……the space shuttle Discovery has come back……to outer space. After being pushed back and pushed back from its scheduled Tuesday launch, the shuttle finally launched just before midnight Friday on a mission to the international space station. The crew of seven astronauts features one crew member from Mexico and another of the seven, Nicole Stott, will remain on the station as a flight engineer. In her place, astronaut Timothy Kopra will return home aboard the shuttle. In addition to the crew, another key component of the flight will be the Leonardo logistics module, science experiments and the Combined Operational Load Bearing External Resistance Treadmill (COLBERT), named for my main man Stephen Colbert of Comedy Central's "The Colbert Report." After having a species of spider named after him by a researcher at East Carolina University earlier this year, I’m sure Colbert is pumped about having a piece of exercise equipment set to be shot into space named after him. So how does one receive the honor of having NASA name the newest space station compartment after them? Well, Colbert won an online poll conducted by NASA, but Colbert and the space agency compromised to give the moniker to the treadmill. Instead of being named after the best fake newsman in the business, the new compartment was given the name Tranquility (boooooooring). But hey, the treadmill is cool too. NASA astronaut Cady Coleman cites as an essential addition to the space station. “We have the treadmill now to keep them healthy, which is really part of being able to come home in one piece. So it is an essential part,” Coleman said. So after three postponements - first for bad weather, and twice more while mission managers checked out indications of a faulty valve - the Colbert treadmill, the space shuttle Discovery and its crew are finally on their way to outer space, wahoo……..

Riot Watch! in South Africa, a college football team without helmets and something I'm glad to see go away

- Ah, the excitement and optimism that come with the start of a new college football season. Of course, that optimism tends to dissipate if a team can’t actually start the season because it has neither helmets nor pads. Such is the plight of St. Paul's College, a Division II school in Virginia forced to cancel its 2009 season opener because it doesn't have the necessary equipment. The contest against West Virginia Wesleyan, scheduled for this afternoon, had the plug pulled and West Virginia Wesleyan will be invoking a clause in its contract with St. Paul’s that calls for an undisclosed financial penalty in the event of such a cancellation. St. Paul's AD Leroy Bacote called WVW athletic director Ken Tyler, who was "flabbergasted" over the decision. When he asked how the St. Paul’s team had been practicing without the equipment, he was told the players did calisthenics in shorts and T-shirts. But Bacote couldn’t guarantee that the pads and helmets would arrive in time for kickoff. Rather than have West Virginia Wesleyan make the 341-mile trip to play the game in South Hill, Va., Bacote called less than 24 hours before the scheduled start and dropped this knowledge on Tyler. Now this is just me, but if I’m running a college football team, regardless of division, I’m ordering the helmets and pads well before the start of the season. Yes, budgets are tight, especially at the D-II level, but you can’t tell me that you have money now that you didn’t have three months ago, when you should have ordered the helmets and pads. This is on the administration at St. Paul’s, which now not only suffers the embarrassment of having to cancel a game that was supposed to be its home opener, but also to pay a significant chunk of change to West Virginia Wesleyan for the mistake. I shouldn’t have to say this, but I’ll go ahead and remind the St. Paul’s athletic department to order the equipment for all winter and spring sports if they haven’t already done that. Bats, balls, sticks, hurdles and other needed equipment should be on its way to campus as soon as possible so as to avoid further canceled games and egg on your faces…….

- Here’s something I like to see. For once, the government is looking to bring the hammer down on a group that we all hate and wish would go away. And no, I’m not talking about those responsible for putting American Karaoke on TV each fall for Fox. No, I’m referring to those ubar-annoying businesses that try to push products on consumers with automated and unsolicited calls. How many times have you picked up the phone, waited through a few seconds of awkward silence and then heard an automated message begin playing, trying to sell you something you neither want nor need? Now, businesses that engage in this troubling practice will face fines of up to $16,000 per call, courtesy of the Federal Trade Commission. “American consumers have made it crystal clear that few things annoy them more than the billions of commercial telemarketing robocalls they receive every year," FTC Chairman Jon Leibowitz said. Agreed and agreed. There will be a few unfortunate exemptions to this new law - calls from politicians, public service announcements and "informational" calls - and we can work on those later, but for now I’ll take what I can get. However, the FCC is still depending on you and I to help them out by reporting questionable robocalls to its complaint Web site or by calling 1-877-FTC-HELP. "If consumers think they're being harassed by robocallers, they need to let us know, and we will go after them," Leibowitz said. Great, so we have to rely on a government bureaucracy to chase down offending parties and make them pay. Oh, and big ups to the government for finally getting around to dropping this ban on pre-recorded calls, consumers can always sign up for the federal "do not call" registry. Should you still want to receive these robocalls (and who doesn’t), you can always give permission for companies to still besiege you with these automated annoyances……….

- I don’t make a habit out of hanging out at art museums and with good reason. They’re eerily quiet, they tend to be filled with super-serious art types who take art far too seriously and they tend not to appreciate it when you bring in your own nachos and Mountain Dew big gulp while you browse the exhibits. However, I may have to reconsider my policy if more art museums have incidents take place like the one that went down at New York’s Metropolitan Museum of Art on Wednesday. Kathleen "K.C." Neill, a lesser-known model, was arrested for posing nude for a photographer in front of visitors inside the arms and armor department. As you might expect, I don’t have a beef with this. Admittedly, the arms and armor department tends to be BORING and in need of some excitement, so you have to applaud Neill and her photographer, Zach Hyman, for providing that excitement. The police don’t have enough of a sense of humor, adventure or fun to see it that way. They busted Neill and she now faces a charge of public lewdness. Her attorney, Donald Schechter, rightly says to call what the model and were doing obscenity "is ridiculous." It was art, it was entertainment, and more importantly, it was a model taking her clothes off for free in a public place. I am sure that everyone - especially parents visiting the museum with their children - appreciated the display and those kids will remember it for a long, long time. Besides, what kind of horrible parent subjects their child to a visit to the art museum? Booooooring. As for Hyman, this incident is hardly a surprise for him. Of late, he’s been drawing attention for taking snapshots of nude models on the New York subway system. His explanation is that says he's inspired by nude paintings (what guy isn't?), and his work is not pornographic. I do also have to rap the Met for cowering on this issue and not supporting the work of the very sort of artists whose works it allegedly endeavors to promote and showcase. But instead of supporting Neill and Hyman, the museum issued a statement which read: "As a nonprofit institution on city-owned land, the Met, like all other individual and institutional citizens, is subject to municipal laws, rules, and regulations." Thanks for nothing, Met and NYPD, you’ve ruined the fun once again………

- Rockers Oasis have long been one of music’s most combustible acts. Lead singer Liam Gallagher is notoriously arrogant, pompous and self-righteous, so being in a band with the guy has to be challenging at times, even for his brother. The band has had its rocky moments over the past 18 years, but perhaps none rockier than yesterday. On the band’s website, lead guitarist and songwriter Noel Gallagher announced that he has quit Oasis. "It's with some sadness and great relief to tell you that I quit Oasis tonight," Gallagher wrote. "People will write and say what they like, but I simply could not go on working with Liam a day longer.” Wow. Dude isn't even hiding behind the “creative differences” excuse that artists usually offer up for this type of decision. He’s coming right out and saying that his brother is such an a-hole that he can’t possibly go on working with him. The announcement is especially potent because it comes on the eve of several major festival performances for Oasis, meaning those gigs will have their plug pulled at the last moment. It’s a disappointing day for those of us who are Oasis fans and enjoyed their albums, including their most recent album, "Dig Out Your Soul," reached No. 5 on the Billboard 200 last October (and no, those Billboard lists still aren’t worth a crap). Liam Gallagher founded Oasis in 1991 with Paul Arthurs, Paul McGuigan and Tony McCaroll. Noel joined shortly thereafter and took over as Oasis' lead songwriter. Arthurs and McGuigan have since departed, making the Gallagher brothers the longest-standing members of the band. Other current band members include guitarist/keyboardist Colin Archer, bassist Andy Bell and drummer Chris Sharrock. "Apologies to all the people who bought tickets for the shows," Noel Gallagher wrote in reference to the band’s festival dates. No word has been given on the band’s future, although it’s hard to imagine Liam Gallagher’s massive ego allowing his band to crash and burn because his brother left and blamed it on him. I’m not sure how I would feel about Oasis without one of the brothers Gallagher, but hopefully I won't have to. Maybe there is some hope of a reconciliation, you just never know……..

- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! I love it when a simple protest over workers’ wages turns into a violent clash between the little guy and The Man. Such was the case in Cape Town, South Africa when thousands of angry soldiers showed up to protest what they feel are unfair wages. Things escalated quickly and got out of hand when police clashed with more than 1,000 soldiers who tried to enter the presidential grounds. The showdown took place at the Union Buildings — the official seat of the South African government that also houses the president’s offices — and was organized by the South African National Defense Union (SANDU). It was quite a scene, with an estimated 1,200 soldiers marching on the lawns of the Union Buildings. Hundreds of them scaled the gates of the compound, which is when police completely and totally overreacted by responding with tear gas and rubber bullets. They demanded that the soldiers vacate the premises, and when they wouldn’t, out came the tear gas and rubber bullets. What, no water canons and truncheons? But hey, those overreactions meant that an all-out brawl took place and in the melee, both sides sustained injuries. Sure, the soldiers eventually wussed out and left late in the afternoon after police warned they would use additional force, but not every protest can end in a bloody, cataclysmic mess. No thanks for this great riot will go out to Defense Minister Lindiwe Sisulu, who condemned the demonstration and said that soldiers took part in an illegal protest that had not been approved by South Africa’s military. Umm, hello? That’s the whole point of a riot/protest, to stick it to The Man and be disobedient. Big ups to all of the soldiers who spat in the face of authority and made their voice heard, you guys rock……..

Life gets worse for Billy Gillispie, Riot Watch! in Argentina and a two-sport criminal in Arkansas

- Life is not going well for former University of Kentucky basketball coach Billy Gillispie, who clearly isn't making good use of his free time now that he is without a coaching gig. I don’t know if he’ll ever get the severance pay he claims that the university owes him, but he was bum rushed out the door so John Calipari could come in and take his spot. In spite of that hasty exodus, Gillispie has remained in the state of Kentucky and was a fixture at Keeneland Race Course during its spring meet, standing in the paddock before races and talking to fans. What he was doing Thursday morning was decidedly less productive and much less legal than attending horse race. Gillispie was picked up by police along a highway in the town of Lawrenceburg and busted on a drunken driving charge. Police say they arrested Gillespie at 2:47 a.m. after dispatchers received complaints of an intoxicated driver. Officers responded to the call and spotted the offending vehicle, a white Mercedes with Texas plates. Lawrenceburg police officer Michael Corley clocked Gillispie doing 63 mph in a 45 mph zone and pulled up behind him at a red light. When that light turned green, Gillispie pulled a Frank Solich and sat there in the middle of the road with his car running. A couple minutes later, he snapped out of his drunken funk and continued on down the road. Corley eventually pulled Gillispie over in a school parking lot. "Billy had a strong fruity smell coming from his person [possibly wine] and had red, glassy eyes and slow, slurred speech," Corley wrote. As quick aside, since when do officers refer to people they bust for drunk driving by their first name in a police report? Is he your pal from the local Elks club or a drunken loser who got behind the wheel after four beers too many and endangered the lives of dozens of fellow motorists? But I digress……Gillispie was pulled over, Corley asked for his driver’s license and Gillispie responded that it was in the trunk. That might seem like an odd place to keep your driver’s license, but Gillispie also claimed that he had been golfing all day, so perhaps it was in his golf bag, I don’t know. What I do know is that when Gillispie exited his ride and went to retrieve his wallet from the trunk, he was wobbly and “unsteady on his feet.” At that point, Corley asked if he had been drinking and Gillispie lied, er, said no. That’s when he claimed he’d been golfing all day. Right, because no one ever knocks back any beer when they go golfing, good answer. After that, Gillispie made a bad play by refusing to submit to breath and blood tests for alcohol. That led to his arrest and a trip to the jail in neighboring Franklin County for the night. In the morning, Gillispie wore an orange prison jumpsuit at his video arraignment before Judge Linda Armstrong. She informed him that his right to drive in Kentucky was being suspended for up to 120 days and set the date for his next court appearance on Sept. 23. Gillispie entered a plea of not guilty, but his story of a day of golfing still has holes in it. Wild Turkey Trace, a golf course near the site of the arrest, had no record of Gillispie signing in as one of Wednesday’s golfers. Not that this isn't painfully obvious, but with his lawsuit against UK for the $6 million left on his contract that he claims he’s owed, Gillispie doesn’t need any other legal issues to cope with. That being said, he’s got one and this looks bad for him……….

- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! These guys (and gals) have shown on my occasions that they will absolutely go if you provoke them, so it should come as no surprise that Argentine farmers began a weeklong strike on grain and beef sales today in protest of a presidential veto that blocked tax exemption to farmers facing severe drought conditions. These same farmers have gone on strike before and blocked roads and highways over what they felt were unfairly high export taxes placed on their products by the government, so of course they’re going on strike when President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner vetoes a bill that would have given them a much-needed tax exemption. The tax exemption was part of an emergency agriculture bill that would have exempted some drought-hit farmers from those pesky export taxes. “This law would have given relief or breathing room to those producers who have been left so deep in debt after a long drought,” Carlos Garetto, spokesman for the farmers, said Thursday. “Unfortunately, this (veto) is the drop that overflowed the glass.” Whatever works for you, C. As I’ve said many times before and I’m sure I’ll say it again, social dissidence doesn’t need a grandiose, ironclad reason. If anyone wants to riot, protest, strike, etc., they need to meet only the most minimal of qualifications in my book to do so. Plus, the issue of export taxes is a big one in Argentina, which is one of the world’s leading exporters of soybeans and corn. Best of all, strike leaders said that their protest would not affect grain stocks and would not affect prices for consumers. In other words, this is the best of both worlds. The little guy gets to fight back against the tyranny of The Man and his fellow little guys don’t get hurt in the process by rising prices. So you have my full support in your strike, angry Argentine farmers, stick it to The Man………

- There are two-sport athletes, multi-platform entertainers who succeed in multiple industries (TV, music, etc.) and then there are dual-threat criminals. Pulling off the last of these three can be dicey, especially when you are also a volunteer fire department chief. People tend to trust you when you occupy that role and maybe you don’t want to betray their trust and let them down. Donald Lee Wilkins of Jacksonville, Ark. doesn’t appear to have any such issues. Wilkins, a volunteer fire department chief in Faulkner County, was arrested on forgery and fraud charges. And no, forgery and fraud are not the double threat of criminal activity to which I allude. No, that would be the nice criminal combo platter of forgery/fraud and suspicion of bigamy, which Wilkins is also charged with. He’s wanted in Carroll County on a misdemeanor bigamy warrant after allegedly marrying a woman in March in Eureka Springs but not being divorced from his estranged wife whom he married in 1991. See, that’s why you need to tie up those legal loose ends, because if you don’t, sooner or later that estranged wife you never got around to divorcing will come back to bite you in the ass. While it is rare to see this kind of bigamy outside of Utah (just kidding Utah and its Mormon community, you know I love tweaking you guys), every now and then a case will pop up and typically for the exact reason that Wilkins finds himself wanted on a misdemeanor bigamy warrant (one of my new favorite phrases in the English language). I’m sure that the good people of Faulkner County are oh, so proud to have an upstanding man like Donald Lee Wilkins as their volunteer fire chief, but something tells me that they might have to look for a replacement some time soon. A misdemeanor bigamy warrant can be cleared up much more easily than felony forgery and credit card fraud charges. Those tend to stick to you and they tend to send you to jail for a while. But hey, D.L. Wilkins can still boast about being a dual-threat criminal and at the end of the day, that’s something…..I think………

- While I’m a bit peeved at Jake Gyllenhaal for stealing my gig of interviewing the hot, smart Natalie Portman (okay, so I’ve never actually done it, but it’s still my gig because I say so), but I’ll give Gyllenhaal this round of the battle and allow his interview with her for Interview magazine to stand. After the two actors filmed this fall's war drama Brothers, the magazine asked them to sit down for an interview, but with a catch. Gyllenhaal would interview his co-star on all sorts of topics, mostly non-acting. Most of the questions ended up being fairly innocuous, such as what is Portman's favorite food (Carvel ice cream cake), what terrifies her (Smurfs, specifically evil Smurf Gargamel - although in my book, Smurfs are a distant second to those creepy Oompa-Loompas) and what she would be if she weren’t an actress (a bike messenger). "I'd basically have trouble with any job that doesn't require me to wear silly clothes and talk in funny voices,” Portman admitted. But what was actually interesting and unexpected was her answer to a question about her musical preferences. “I've mostly been listening to dirty rap lately. That's sort of my scene," she says. "Really, really obscene hip-hop. I love it so much. It makes me laugh and then it makes me want to dance.” I’m going to overlook the fact that she used the term “dirty rap,” because no one who is truly a hardcore hip-hopper would ever say they listen to dirty rap. But apparently Portman loves the Ying Yang Twins, from whom she quoted lyrics during the interview. Of course she love hip-hop, because what white chick from a middle or upper-class upbringing doesn’t think she’s gangsta and throw on hip-hop like it means she’s ghetto and has the first inkling about what the hip-hop culture is really like? That doesn’t mean she’s not one of my favorite actresses (and one of the hottest in my book), but it just goes to show that famous people are still just like the rest of us…….

- Count me among those who just don’t get the fascination with either bashing or mocking University of Florida all-everything quarterback Tim Tebow. As any college football fan knows, Tebow has led his team to two national championships in his first three years at UF, won a Heisman Trophy, is a devout Christian who practices abstinence, is the son of missionaries and regularly spends his summers doing mission work in Third World countries. For those efforts, he’s admired by some but despied by others. Maybe those haters assume it can’t all be real and genuine, maybe they don’t like Tebow’s open advocacy of his faith or more than likely, they hate this guy because he seems to be good at everything and makes them feel worse about their own lazy, unaccomplished existence. Rather than try harder and work to be more successful, it’s easier to tear a guy like Tebow down. Either that or there are people out there looking to have a laugh at the guy’s expense, people like the Fort Myers Miracle, a minor league baseball team in Fort Myers, Fla. that was prepared to host "What Would Tim Tebow Do?" night Wednesday. Fans received promise rings and watched a character called "T.T." try to walk on water, two pot shots at Tebow’s faith and values. The Miracle also considered including a mock circumcision among the activities but decided against it. Thanks for showing class, idiots. But before any of this could take place, the University of Florida stepped in and forced the Miracle to drastically alter the plans for "What Would Tim Tebow Do?" night. The university sent the team a cease and desist e-mail, explaining that NCAA rules prohibit the names or pictures of its athletes from being used in commercial promotions. That forced the Miracle to change the name of the promotion to "What Would T.T. Do?" Miracle director of media relations Gary Sharp tried to slap a smiley face on the whole mess, saying the team was a bit upset but also pumped by the attention from UF. “We kind of feel special," Sharp declared. "The University of Florida knows who we are now. [Athletic director] Jeremy Foley and [coach] Urban Meyer were copied on the e-mail. But we plan on following their request.” Now look, I realize that minor league baseball is the haven for quirky, kooky promotions and teams will try anything possible to stir up interest and bring fans to the stadium. I’m not ever averse to taking shots at public figures. That being said, joining in on the mock/hate-fest of Tebow I just don’t get. No doubt, the guy’s not perfect and if you spent any significant time with him, you’d find out he’s flawed just like the rest of us. However, I don’t see why we all can’t just back off, let the guy play football and stand for the things he believes in without clowning or despising him……..

An international throwdown over a dance, a lawsuit over in-law jokes and Brett Favre causing schisms

- If you’re going to have a major international brawl, it had better be over something good. And when I say something good, I of course mean a costume worn in an international beauty pageant. As Bolivia and Peru square off and kick up an international sh*t storm, they do so because of a costume worn at this year's Miss Universe pageant. The controversy began when Miss Peru, Karen Schwarz, wore an Andean-inspired outfit during the national costume part of the competition, featuring a headpiece with large horns based on the costume used in the traditional Diablada folk dance. I’m sure that when Schwarz put on that costume, she had no idea that Bolivia would be so pissed at her for wearing it. Things have gotten to out of hand that Bolivian culture minister Pablo Groux threatened to go to the International Court of Justice to claim that the Diablada belongs to Bolivia's culture and no one else. Additionally, Bolivia sent a letter to the Miss Universe organizers claiming they have evidence that the dance originated in their country and for that reason, it belongs exclusively to them. They point out that Bolivian dancers performed the Diablada at events in Washington and Panama and one of the country’s ambassadors summed up the country’s position on the issue thusly: “We ask that urgent, adequate, opportune and pertinent measures be taken to protect Bolivian cultural patrimony and the respect of the origin of our customs and ancient traditions.” For their part, Peruvian officials aren’t disputing that the dance has roots in Bolivia, but they contend that it also traces its history to their country as well. As such, they argue that Bolivia has no grounds to claim the dance in the international court. Peru's director of its National Institute of Culture, Cecilia Bakula, sounds like she’s had just about enough of this foolishness. “This issue should stop because we can't lose tolerance or respect between both countries over things like this," Schwarz said. "We have a dance that unites us because the Diablada is danced in Bolivia and Peru.” Personally it sounds to me like the Bolivians are a bunch of whiny, entho-centric babies who need to grow up and get over it. It’s a dance and nothing more, so quit making it into a major crisis. The world has enough of those without you adding to it……..

- So maybe Brett Favre isn't really the good ol’ boy who can hop off the John Deere tractor in Mississippi, throw on that dirty baseball cap and walk into an NFL training camp as the conquering hero. Although it wasn’t publicized as much during his stint with the New York Jets last year, Favre was notably distant from his teammates. He dressed in a separate locker room, didn’t bother to learn the names of many teammates and was generally anything but one of the fellas. This year, he did his annual waffling, vacillating act when it came to playing or staying retired and after dragging things out as long as possible, avoiding having to go to training camp and getting as much attention out of it as possible, then decided to come out of retirement to play for the Minnesota Vikings. There was instant speculation that many of his new teammates, who sweated and battled through two-a-days and training camp heat, wouldn’t be down with him waltzing in after missing most of the hard work and simply being installed as the team’s starting quarterback. Come to find out that it was more than speculation and that there are reportedly factions within the Vikings locker room that aren’t cool with the ol’ gunslinger’s act. Reports have surfaced that multiple sources with knowledge of the situation say there is an "issue" in the Minnesota Vikings locker room, an issue that was described Wednesday by a third informed person as a "schism." Favre is the cause of that schism, with some players supporting one of the quarterbacks Favre took a chance at the starting spot from, Tarvaris Jackson, and other supporting the second guy Favre stole that opportunity to start from, Sage Rosenfels. Jackson and Rosenfels were in camp, battling it out for the starting job, while Vikings coach Brad Childress openly courted and lusted for Favre. They were putting in the work to earn their chance to be the man and their head coach was zesting for his chance to sell them out and hand the keys to a reigning division winner to a soon-to-be 40-year-old quarterback with a bum shoulder and the world’s biggest ego. So when I hear that Favre has "little support" in the locker room as Minnesota prepares for its Monday night preseason game against the Houston Texans, I’m not surprised. Sure, if Favre goes out there and looks like an all-pro instead of the washed-up hack he appeared to be last week when he played in an exhibition game against Kansas City, he’ll get that locker room support. The problem is that he’s not that guy and he’s not going to be that guy ever again. He should accept that it’s time to hang it up, but he can’t. Also, an anonymous league sources said these locker-room issues stem back to long before the team signed Favre. Asked about these reports, Childress didn’t exactly throw down an iron fist and insist that his locker room is 100 percent behind Favre. “I've seen the same reports you've seen," Childress said. "Those are opinions. It's hard to shoot holes in an opinion. It's just that -- an opinion. I certainly don't see it.” As an avowed Favre hater (as a football player only, of course), you know where I’m rooting for this to go. Either Favre sucks on the field and creates further dissent in the locker room/loses his starting job or some heat-seeking missile of a linebacker bursts through the line of scrimmage in Week 1, blowing Favre up to the point that his arm literally falls off his body or his knee rips to shreds and he can never play again. Again, either outcome is fine with me, just as long as karma comes around to deliver the proverbial punch to the groin that this guy deserves…..

- I don’t know how you openly despise the Dalai Lama, but leave it to China to figure out a way to get it done. A few scant hours after Taiwan's president announced a planned visit by the Dalai Lama to Taiwan, the Chinese government stepped up to say that it "resolutely opposes" the trip. Beijing opposes the visit "in whatever form and capacity," a spokesman for the State Council Taiwan Affairs Office said. "Under the pretext of religion, (the Dalai Lama) has all along been engaged in separatist activities," he said. Oh, I get it. You think the Dalai Lama is looking to stir up a rebellion and topple your Communist regime. Yeah, because that makes a lot of sense. The holy leader for millions of people is looking to take down the world’s most brutal, repressive and totalitarian Communist regime. Of course, the Dalai Lama’s spokesman denied there was any political subtext to the visit. "His holiness has received an invitation from several mayors inviting him to Taiwan. He has accepted for the sole purpose (of expressing) his condolences and to share his sorrow for Taiwan's people," Tenzin Taklha said. He also labeled the visit "completely... non-political." So not only does the Chinese government hate the Dalai Lama, they’re also calling him a liar? Let me tell you, I watched Seven Years in Tibet and outside of a solid performance by Brad Pitt, what I took from the film was that the Dalai Lama is a) a small, quiet child who loves American movies and b) a straight shooter. Yet in the eyes of the Chinese government, dude is some sort of renegade looking to storm their borders and launch a revolution. It’s truly amazing, especially given the fact that Taiwan President Ma Ying-jeou approved the so the Dalai Lama could pray for the victims of the typhoon-battered island. For the world news-dumb among you, the typhoon in question would be Typhoon Morakot , which hit Taiwan on August 8 and caused floods, mudslides and chaos. More than 400 people died as a result of the storm and having a respected religious leader, especially in that part of the world, like the Dalai Lama visit to pray for the battered nation would probably lift some spirits. Just don’t tell that to the Chinese government, which accuses both the Tibetan spiritual leader and Taiwan of separatism. They contend that the Dalai Lama advocates for Tibetan independence from China, which would actually be a great idea (Uh-oh, now I can’t visit Taiwan either!). As for Taiwan, they have run afoul of mainland China by rejecting China's assertion that there is only "One China" and Taiwan is an inalienable part of it. So way to spread the hate, China, your Commie ancestors would be proud……..

- Muslims in Malaysia should consider themselves the most fortunate people on the face of the Earth right about now. Their government has barred them from a concert by the biggest musical menace facing the world today, the Hack Eyed Peas. If only other governments would follow suit - using religious reasons or anything else they want - we could eradicate the plague that is the HEP. But the ban in Malaysia is because the event is organized by beer giant Guinness, which is pertinent because there is an ongoing crackdown on alcohol consumption among Malaysia's Muslim majority. For example, a Muslim woman visiting Malaysia who drank beer in public was sentenced to caning by an Islamic court last month, though that penalty is currently under review. Laws have also been put in place to curb alcohol sales in one of the country’s central state. Those rulings aren’t what dings my radar; it’s the brilliant decision to spare people from the horror of having their ears assailed by the crap-tacular garbage the HEP try to pass off as music that I’m applauding as loudly as possible. These ass clowns will perform at a theme park near Kuala Lumpur on Sept. 25 as part of worldwide celebrations marking the 250th anniversary of Guinness' flagship brewery, although I am confused by that. After all, if you’re looking to celebrate an important milestone, wouldn’t you want someone who doesn’t totally suck as a performer? Anyhow, this show is one of five Guinness concerts worldwide and the Malaysian show's official Web site said "the party is only open to non-Muslims aged 18 years and above.” This is a welcome departure from an HEP show in Malaysia in 2007, which was open to Muslims.
"Muslims cannot attend. Non-Muslims can go and have fun," an official at the Ministry of Information, Communication and Culture explained. This official sent on to say that the concert would not have been permitted at all because government regulations forbid alcohol companies from organizing concerts., but authorities made an exception because they felt it might help boost tourism. Way to sell out your values and beliefs for the almighty dollar, Malaysian government. Nothing screams devotion to your values and morals quite like throwing them out the window when you think it will make you some extra cash. No immediate word was given on how the ban on Muslims will be enforced, but there are rules in place for Guinness’ involvement in the proceedings. Guinness must not use its logo in concert publicity material and they will obviously have the government looking over their shoulder at every turn. All in all, the people I am happiest for are Malaysian Muslims, who will now not have to attend the most terrible concert by the biggest abortion of a music act that will ever visit their country. Sure, it would be tough to top abominable acts that have visited the country previously, acts like Gwen Stefani and Avril Lavigne, but the HEP are worse by a wide margin and everyone who is banned from attending this show should be forever grateful……..

- Nearly everyone makes mother-in-law jokes, whether they’re a comedian or not. So it seems perfectly natural that veteran comedian Sunda Croonquist would use a few jokes about her in-laws in her act at some point. In fact, Croonquist has relied heavily on her mother-in-law jokes, but her mother-in-law appears to have a beef with that. Ruth Zafrin, her daughter, Shelley Edelman, and Shelley's husband Neil are suing the comedienne for her jokes, alleging that she is guilty of spreading false, defamatory and racist lies with her in-law jokes. She is a regular on the SoCal comedy club circuit and has appeared in specials on Comedy Central, so plenty of people have heard her jokes. The irony is that Croonquist is half-black, grew up Roman Catholic and married into a Jewish family, so she could just as well be the target of this type of humor. She has even joked about her first visit to her mother-in-law's house, saying: "I walk in, I say, 'Thank you so much for having me here, Ruthie.' She says, 'The pleasure's all mine, have a seat."' Then, in a loud aside, 'Harriet, put my pocketbook away.’” In responding to her in-laws’ accusations, Croonquist said there was a time when her in-laws would laugh with everyone else at the black-member-of-a-Jewish-family jokes. "They played my tape at Passover one year, and they loved it!" she said. The tipping point seems to be when Croonquist posted information on her Web site about upcoming gigs in New Jersey. For some reason, her in-laws believe that this information clues people in to their identities and does irreparable harm to their reputations. In response, they sued in April in U.S. District Court in New Jersey, where they live. Their lawsuit seeks unspecified damages and demands that Croonquist remove any offensive statements from her Web site, routines and recordings. To her credit, Croonquist is being fair about this whole matter and is willing to drop any language her family finds offensive. However, she rightly refuses to pay any settlement. Simply put, her in-laws are being a bunch of whiny b*tches who need to grow a sense of humor. Unless this woman is up their on stage assailing your character and calling you by name, get over it. Hopefully the motion to dismiss that Croonquist’s lawyer has filed will be granted once a judge is scheduled hears it on Sept. 8. Her argument makes sense, that her in-laws should know full well that she’s not anti-Semitic because she converted to Judaism before she met her husband and keeps a kosher house. I rarely take rooting interests in civil lawsuits, but I’ll make an exception here and land squarely on the side of a comedienne I’ve never heard of………

Tales of goats and Brett Favre, Pete Townshend ventures into the world of musicals and legalizing the chronic gains momentum in Latin America

- Wow. I hate Brett Favre, but even I’m not going all animal sacrifice on some poor goat as a means to protest or decry his latest selfish, me-only decision to un-retire and return to the NFL. That was apparently the M.O. for a Minnesota family who were on their way to sacrifice a goat in an unspecified location when their car broke down. This unidentified woman, with her husband and child in tow, pulled into Tires Plus, a car repair shop, in Winona, Minnesota last week. Her car had broken down and she needed a belt replaced, so she did what most of us would do, found the nearest repair shop and pulled in. The problem was that when she and her family vacated the car and allowed the shop’s employees to get to work, they noticed something unusual about the vehicle. More specifically, they heard some curious sounds coming from the trunk. The mechanic tasked to work on the car, James Prusci, the mechanic, opened the trunk and discovered the goat, painted in the gold and purple of Favre’s new team, the Minnesota Vikings and with the No. 4 (Favre’s number) shaved into its side. It wasn’t immediately clear if the woman was a Green Bay Packers fan who wanted to strike back at Favre for his traitorous act of joining the Packers’ biggest enemy or if she’s a Vikings fan who was looking to honor the team’s new quarterback, but either way is really creepy, really bizarre and really inappropriate. Prusci and the other mechanics rightly decided to call animal control, who met the woman at the shop when she returned for the car. She didn’t try to deny anything - her first smart move of this sad incident - and the goat was ripped from her custody and placed in foster care, where he has been given the name Brett. So far, police aren’t commenting on whether this kook has been charged with any crimes, but unless being a soul-less moron with an IQ of 45 is a crime, then I doubt any charges are coming her way, sadly………

- For the longest time I’ve been wondering when someone would make the logical connection and combine two segments of the business world that have long been a perfect match: comic books and meth. If you think about it……well, I don’t think I even need to explain to you why this pairing makes sense. If you don’t get it, then the problem is with you and not with the logic of this match. Some intrepid businessmen in the Denver area have brought these two endeavors together, creating a massive methamphetamine ring in the Denver area that distributed pounds of meth every week and laundered the profits using collectible comic books. Investigators in Colorado have unfortunately broken up this innovative business, so someone else is going to have to take up the torch if we’re going to keep this thing going. "To launder the money you have to use something that is quick and convenient," Colorado Attorney General John Suthers said. "And in this case, they used classic comic books." See, now that’s a bit dismissive, labeling this as merely quick and convenient. To say that is to overlook the brilliance of combining two things that a whole lot of people love. Allow me to explain, if you will. The alleged ringleaders, brothers Aaron and Alfonzo Castro, were running quite the meth ring if I do say so myself. Law enforcement officers seized about 100 boxes of first-edition collectible comic books, with one of the titles worth $3,500 and the total collection worth half a million dollars, including some first-edition Superman and Batman titles. "It appeared they were working on a startup company for high-end comic books," said Don Quick, the district attorney in Adams County near Denver. The brothers Castro went all out in regards to these comics, storing them in plastic bags for protection. At the same time, they struck a nice balance for their business by setting up weekly, multiple-pound shipments of the meth from Phoenix, Arizona. Once the meth rolled into Denver, they distributed the drugs to a network of runners that made deliveries to dealers around the Denver metro area. These runners…well, let’s just say many of them were ladies who hid drugs in places where neither drugs nor anything else you put into your body should be stored. These women would then deliver the meth to a series of houses, and then lower-level dealers would distribute the drug. The runners were also responsible for collecting money from dealers and delivering it to the Castro brothers. Authorities believe the drugs originally came from Mexico and that each month's shipments had a street value of about $2 million. Because of this, the Castro brothers are facing 145 drug possession and distribution charges from October 2008 to earlier this month, as are 39 other defendants. On top of that, the Castro brothers and their top runners are also charged with racketeering. So that’s the price you pay for being creative and innovative in business these days, you get touched up with triple-digit criminal charges. Nice country we live in………

- Peter Townshend has done it before, but not for a while. Yet the guitarist of the iconic, legendary rock band The Who is once again venturing into the world of musicals and rock operas. Having already written ubar-successful rock operas "Tommy" and "Quadrophenia," Townshend is now writing a new musical "Floss," about getting old.
It’s an admittedly ironic twist for Townshend, who penned the legendary song “My Generation” in 1965, railing against the elder generation of his time. “As a 19-year-old, with 'My Generation,' I wrote the most explicitly ageist song in rock," Townshend wrote on thewho.com. The song includes the line "I hope I die before I get old,” and is absolutely one of The Who’s best songs. Now, he’s flipping the script and taking on the other side of the issue. “At 64, I now want to take on ageing and mortality, using the powerfully angry context of rock'n'roll,” Townshend wrote. Don’t expect
"Floss" any time soon, as Townshend doesn’t expect it to be ready for a concert premiere until 2011. The musical will be designed for outdoor performance and arenas and willy likely debut in New York. However, fans can get a preview of what “Floss” will sound like when some of the more "conventional" songs from the musical appear on a The Who album set for release next year. "'Floss' is an ambitious new project for me, in the style of 'Tommy' and 'Quadrophenia,' " Townshend wrote. "In this case the songs are interspersed with surround-sound 'soundscapes' featuring complex sound-effects and musical montages.” The story of the musical centers on a married couple whose relationship runs into difficulties (somehow I think a lot of people can relate to that theme).
The protagonist, Walter, a rock musician, finds sudden wealth when one of his songs is picked up by a car company for its commercials. However, his return to music after a 15-year break has a decidedly negative impact on his life. Seeing the end result of this project and being able to compare and contrast Townshend’s voice and perspective now versus when he wrote "Tommy" and "Quadrophenia" should be interesting, no doubt, and new music from The Who is always great in my book………

- I am freaking moving to Argentina and I encourage all of you to join me. The Argentines are clearly innovators and they are willing to do what states across the United States of America are unwilling or unable to do: legalize the hippie lettuce. On Tuesday, Argentina's Supreme Court ruled it is unconstitutional to punish an adult for private use of marijuana as long as it doesn't harm anyone else. In other words, blaze away, Argentine stoners, blaze away. Nothing warms my heart quite like a country deciding that stoners can do their thing without being hassled by the government, so this decision gets a big thumbs-up from me. It makes Argentina the second Latin American country in the past four days to allow personal use of a formerly illegal drug. As with cases that go before the U.S. Supreme Court, this case was based on a specific case that had made its way through the Argentine legal system. The case involved five young men who were arrested for having a few joints in their pockets. Supreme Court Justice Carlos Fayt, who at one time supported laws that make personal use of marijuana illegal, admitted that "reality" changed his mind. I’m not sure what that means, but as long as this guy was part of a unanimous decision to legalize the chronic, it doesn’t really matter. Also, anyone who disagrees with this new law needs to realize that compared to the legal change made Friday in Mexico, Argentina’s new law is fairly tame. The Mexican law decriminalizes possessing low quantities of most drugs, including marijuana, heroin, cocaine and LSD. Brazil actually got the ball rolling on this trend earlier this year when one of its appeals court ruled that possession of drugs for personal use is not illegal. All I can say is that it’s about freaking time countries started legalizing mind-altering drugs that just plan make life more fun. For example, Mexico has been considering decriminalization for several years, particularly under the administration of former President Vicente Fox, who held office from 2000-2006, and doing a lot of dragging of their feet. Unfortunately, the W. administration opposed those measures and so Fox’s government held off. Now that Fox and W. are both long gone, Fox’s predecessor is taking up the fight. Also, the 17-nation Latin American Commission on Drugs and Democracy issued its recommendations in February after studying the issue of relaxing laws on drug possession and usage for a year. These Latin American leaders also seem to believe that because the U.S. is a leading consumer of the chronic, any reform on the issue needs to have American support. That’s a slippery slope, but if it can push our own government toward legalizing tree, then I’m all for it………

- I feel like anyone who needed this next warning really doesn’t deserve my help, but I will do it as a public service anyhow. For those who are out there doing Web searches for revealing pictures of celebrities like Jessica Biel, Brad Pitt or Miley Cyrus, be forewarned that there are computer deviants out there looking to jam you and your computer up with viruses for your troubles. Computer security company McAfee has released its list of the top 10 celebrity searches online that can lead to computer problems and leading the list was none other than my girl J. Biel. McAfee has officially named her the "most dangerous celebrity in cyberspace." What that means is that one in five Internet searches for terms related to "Jessica Biel" leads to a Web page, photo, video or piece of spam that contains a cyber-security threat. Clearly there is no link between good taste in music and being a Web threat, because Biel is the girlfriend of singer Justin Timberlake and if his toxic crap that passes as music isn't enough to taint Biel’s rep, then nothing is. Following Biel on the list are Beyonce, Jennifer Aniston, Tom Brady and the ever-expanding Jessica Simpson. Pitt actually topped last year's list, but this year he dropped all the way down to 10th. In explaining why Biel was at the top of the list, one McAfeee analyst did his best to break it down. "Biel is very, very popular right now, so it says to me that the cyber criminals really do know who's hot and who's not," said Shane Keats, a research analyst at McAfee. "They really are smart. They can spot a trend as well as anyone else can -- as well as Paris Hilton can." McAfee’s advice for avoiding these virsues and security threats are blatantly obvious and the sort of thing you should already know, but the gist of it is to avoid sites you don’t know and have never heard of. For the study, McAfee surveyed 900 Web sites and 150 ring tones and ranked celebrities based on the percentage of search results that were found to be damaging and on how harmful those sites turned out to be. As for stars who you might think would be at the top of the list but weren’t, Miley Cyrus and Lindsay Lohan both were in McAfee's top 15 but no higher and President Obama and first lady Michelle Obama ranked 34th and 39th, respectively. So now that I’ve forewarned those of you not smart enough to protect yourselves online, let’s move on………

Jay-Z on the comeback trail, sports betting in Delaware takes a hit and I laugh at something that makes one government official very angry

- Bad news for you, gambling degenerates of Delaware. A federal appeals court in Philadelphia ruled Monday that sports betting in Delaware would violate a 1992 federal ban on such wagering, meaning that your state will not be able to take the bets it was planning on taking starting next month. The court’s rulings effectively halts those plans and should be good news for Major League Baseball, the NBA, NFL, NHL and the NCAA, which all opposed the plan on the grounds that it violated the federal Professional and Amateur Sports Protection Act, would harm their reputations and expose kids to gambling. Lining up against those leagues was Delaware Gov. Jack Markell, who views sports betting as a means to rectify he’s state’s massive budget deficit thanks to an unprecedented shortfall in state tax revenues. In that sense, he’s not alone. States across the country are attempting to find ways to balance their budgets, with those attempts ranging from the logical (taxing cigarettes more) to the innovative (legalizing and taxing marijuana) and even the bizarre (a pole tax on strip clubs). However, the sports betting tact was definitely one of the most controversial measures and at least publicly, the attorneys who argued the case for the state appeared stunned by the ruling. “We're very disappointed with today's ruling," said Michael Barlow, the governor's legal counsel. I bet you are, Mike. The money a state could make off losers and degenerate gamblers who don’t realize that gambling is a tax on the stupid would be astounding. Laws on sports betting are confusing and convoluted, with four states – including Delaware - exempted from the federal ban on sports betting because it once ran an NFL sports lottery in 1976 that required parlay, or multiple bets, on at least three games. When the 1992 sports betting law was enacted, it restricted sports betting to the four states that met a deadline to sign up for it: Nevada, Delaware, Montana and Oregon. The sports leagues and organizations arguing against the sports betting plan in Delaware argued that the exemption does not allow Delaware to offer bets on single games, or on sports other than professional football. The court, led by Judge Theodore McKee, agreed with that argument. It ruled that the betting plan as currently structured violates the federal ban. Even with the ruling, the state could still go forward with parlay bets on NFL games, which the leagues concede are legal. Another option would be to appeal the ruling to the full appeals court, or to the U.S. Supreme Court. Key to this defeat seemed to be the court’s question to the state of what would happen if the state began sports betting in September, then had it declared illegal by the district court several months later. Individual bettors would have lost hundreds or thousands of dollars on what essentially was an illegal state scheme, McKee said. This is definitely a heated battle and one I don’t expect the state to give up on. However, it’s also not a battle I expect the state to win in the end……..

- I have to admit, I laughed and laughed and laughed when I first heard this story. In fact, I’m fairly certain that you’ll have the same reaction and yet there is at least one government official in Cairns, Australia who would be very, very upset with us for thinking it’s funny. Basically, some intrepid prankster decided that smearing glue on a toilet seat in a public restroom at a mall would be a great idea. From where I stand, this prankster was 100 percent correct, although I would never commit the prank simply because I am forever revolted by public restrooms and especially toilets in public restrooms, so touching one to put glue on it would be a no-go. But this individual was able to overcome his or her gag reflex, put the glue on the seat and make a clean getaway. Shortly thereafter, a 58-year-old man sat down on the toilet seat, had it adhere to his butt and was subsequently taken to a hospital to have it removed. At this point, I am torn. Sure, I could have sympathy for this poor guy with a toilet seat stuck to his ass. However, on the rare occasion when I have been forced to use a toilet in a public restroom, I have never, ever made contact with the actual toilet seat. This dude would have done well to remember one word: hover. But hover he did not and as such, an ambulance had to be called to remove man from toilet seat and break the bond of the fast-acting adhesive glue used by our heroic prankster. Even after the toilet seat was removed, paramedics still took the man to the hospital as a precautionary measure. The aforementioned government official desperately in need of a sense of humor would be Di Forsyth, who clearly is not a fan of a good prank. "I'm disgusted that a gentlemen has had to go through that because someone thinks it's funny," Forsyth said. "It's a sick joke." Forsyth added that while not injured by the incident, the victim was "extremely embarrassed" by his experience. One final note in this case is that police are urging possible witnesses to this “crime” to come forward, a plea I am strongly urging anyone who actually saw this happen to ignore. Don’t be a rat, don’t narc out someone who pulled a hilarious prank and don’t you dare help The Man find the responsible party…….

- Degenerate losers with no friends and no lives are doing it, kids are doing it, so why not firefighters? Of course, I am referring to the phenomenon that is video games in this country. Whether it’s Halo, Madden ’10 or any of the other litany of games and game consoles – Wii, Xbox, PlayStation – that are extremely popular, gaming is everywhere and video games are being used for purposes other than their normal one – providing some semblance of an actual social life for people without one. Now that cities across the nation are facing budget cuts that are forcing them to scale back programs and services, many communities are turning to computer simulations to ensure their firefighters are ready to take charge when they arrive at the next real fire. To heck with the old-fashioned, hands-on training sessions. Towns like Wheat Ridge, Colorado are moving onward and upward – assuming that by onward and upward, you mean they’re having their firefighters sit down in front of a TV screen and get their inner gamer on. “In our current economic crisis that we are facing we have to be prudent with our dollars," Wheat Ridge Fire Chief Steven Gillespie said. "The reality is that we just don't fight that many fires anymore, so a lot of our members don't have the exposure of making decisions under stressful situations.” Yes, and nothing is more stressful than controlling an animated character on your 27” flat screen, knowing that if you make one wrong move, that little artificial person will lose his or her non-existent life. So last week, the Wheat Ridge Fire Department became the first in Colorado to stage a training session that looked a whole lot like a bunch of no-friend-having dorks gathering in someone’s basement for a marathon World of Warcraft session. Several of the department’s firefighters gathered in front of a video screen, controllers in hand, and fought a virtual house fire. Instead of venturing out into the real world, where real fires and real simulations happen, they were able to accomplish this from the comfort of an air conditioned room at Wheat Ridge Fire Station 1. In spite of this slightly ridiculous image, Gillespie claims that the computer simulation, which also includes other firefighters placed in a separate room where they make decisions about how the firefighters next door should respond, is challenging. "Some of our members have equated that it is actually harder in the command box than it is commanding the fire in the streets," Gillespie said. The first round of virtual training included only Wheat Ridge’s fire commanders, but the department plans to expand it to include all firefighters, as well as continuing to offer the training to other Colorado fire departments. So if you live in the thriving metropolis of Wheat Ridge and your home or business catches on fire, rest assured that men and women who have in-depth training fighting virtual fires on a TV screen will be riding to the rescue……..

- Let’s face it, the appendix has long gotten a bum rap in the human body. It doesn’t provide vital filtering like the kidneys, it doesn’t pump blood like the heart or pull oxygen from inhaled air like the lungs. In fact, the commonly-held belief is that the appendix is little more than a waste of space that many people end up having removed anyhow. Thankfully, a group of researchers at Duke University Medical Center in Durham, N.C. are taking up for the appendix and showing that it just might have value after all. In fact, researcher William Parker and his team may have found evidence to suggest that the appendix a) possesses a critical function and b) appears in nature a lot more often than before thought. "Maybe it's time to correct the textbooks," said Parker, an immunologist at Duke University Medical Center. "Many biology texts today still refer to the appendix as a 'vestigial organ.'” The appendix, technically known as the vermiform appendix, is basically a slimy sac that hangs between the small and large intestines (prime internal organ real estate if you ask me). The first scientist to suggest that the appendix was nothing more than a vestigial organ was none other than old Chuck Darwin. "Everybody likely knows at least one person who had to get their appendix taken out - slightly more than 1 in 20 people do - and they see there are no ill effects, and this suggests that you don't need it," Parker said. Still, he and his research team conducted a study showing that the appendix still served as a vital safehouse where good bacteria could lie in wait until they were needed to repopulate the gut after a nasty case of diarrhea. Previous studies have also shown that the appendix can help make, direct and train white blood cells. Parker went on to contradict Darwin’s theories about the appendix, saying it has been around for a long time and wasn’t merely a lately evolutionary byproduct (if you’re someone who believes in evolution, which I do not). “The appendix has been around for at least 80 million years, much longer than we would estimate if Darwin's ideas about the appendix were correct," Parker said. "When species are divided into groups called 'families,' we find that more than 70 percent of all primate and rodent groups contain species with an appendix.” Aside from that 80 million-year figure, there are some extremely interesting and cogent points in Parker’s analysis. White blood cells are obviously important in the immune system when it comes to fighting diseases and infections, so if the appendix can aid in that battle, big ups to the appendix. Not that I needed any additional reasons to completely disagree with Darwin, but it’s always nice to have one. So now that we know the appendix has an actual function and purpose, the question being asked is whether anything can be done to prevent appendicitis. Parker suggests it might be possible to devise ways to incite our immune systems today in much the same manner that they were challenged back in the Stone Age. To read more on this study, I suggest you do what I do, namely subscribe to the Journal of Evolutionary Biology and get your hands on the publication’s August 12 issue, or simply browse its Web site for the story……..

- The comeback is picking up steam for Jay-Z, who announced Monday that he will give a benefit concert at New York's Madison Square Garden on September 11th, the same day his eleventh studio album, "The Blueprint 3," hits shelves. The first two singles from the new album -- "D.O.A." and "Run This Town" -- reached No. 24 and No. 3 respectively on the Billboard Hot 100 chart this week, although we’ve established before how meaningless those lists are in determining what’s good music and what is not. Besides, a hip-hop legend like H.O.V.A. doesn’t need a top ranking on some bogus rankings list to validate any of his music. In addition to those two songs, two other tracks from “Blueprint 3” leaked online Sunday, giving fans a chance to hear "Off That" featuring Drake and produced by Timbaland, and "Reminder," also produced by Timbaland, before the whole album drops. I’ve lost count of how many comebacks this makes for Jay-Z following his many retirements, but let’s just say that unlike that a-hole Brett Favre, I’m always glad to see Jay-Z make a comeback. The benefit concert at MSG will raise money for an awesome cause, the New York Police and Fire Widows' and Children's Benefit Fund. It’s a charity created to support the families of police officers and firefighters who have died in the line of duty. It will be the second time Jay-Z has performed in the New York area in the past few months after his appearance on July 31 at the All Points West festival when he stepped in at the last minute replace the Beastie Boys, who had to cancel due to rapper Adam Yauch's cancer diagnosis. Ticket information for the benefit concert information will be announced shortly, but if you can’t make it to the show, it will be broadcast by Fuse. Good to have you back, H.O.V.A., hip-hop isn't the same without you……..

A scary story for Michael Beasley, how Jack Bauer has apparently inspired the CIA and some selfish Boston Red Sox whine

- Maybe it’s just me, but if I’m a Major League Baseball player my team is slowly but surely pissing away its playoff chances and has been soundly thumped by its main rival in six of the last seven meetings between the two, I’d be all for any personnel move that could make my squad better. That’s how I would think, but Boston Red Sox closer Jonathan Papelbon is taking a different approach. With the Sox poised to acquire New York Mets reliever Billy Wagner, Papelbon is taking a less-than-enthusiastic point of view on the potential trade. After Wagner was placed on waivers by the Mets, the Red Sox put in a claim on the left-handed power pitcher and now one of three things can happen. The Mets could pull Wagner back off waivers and keep him for the rest of the season (not happening), the two teams could work out a trade or the Mets could simply let Wagner go without receiving anything in return. When news of Wagner’s possible acquisition reached Papelbon, he wanted none of it. "What has he done? Has he pitched this year?" Papelbon said an interview. "Is he ready to pitch or is he not? ... I think our bullpen is good where we're at right now. Don't get me wrong. But I guess you could always make it better. It's kind of like the [Eric] Gagne thing, I guess.” That last comment would be a reference to the Red Sox's 2007 deadline acquisition of Eric Gagne, a former all-star closer who bombed out in Boston, amassing a 6.75 ERA in 20 games with Boston. By linking him to Wagner, Papelbon isn't exactly giving a ringing endorsement to Wagner to say the least. To answer the question Papelbon posed, Wagner has pitched one scoreless inning this season after returning from Tommy John surgery, performed last September. Now that the Red Sox have claimed Wagner off waivers, the Mets have until early Tuesday afternoon to work out a deal. In a potential trade, the Red Sox would have to assume about $3.5 million still owed to Wagner for this season. If the two sides cannot agree on a trade, that’s when Wagner would likely be allowed to leave without compensation. However, if the Mets do pull him back off waivers and keep him, they would no longer be able to trade him this season. Papelbon isn't the only Red Sox player who has spoken out against this deal. Red Sox setup man Manny Delcarmen backed up his bullpen mate and he too drew parallels between Wagner and Eric Gagne. “We loved Gagne coming over here, just the stuff that he had, but it was an awkward situation this late in the season," Delcarmen explained. "I think our bullpen is fine right now.” Way to embrace a team-first mentality guys, putting the interests of the group ahead of your own egos. Hard to figure out why your season is going south so quickly…….

- It may not be “Pulp Fiction,” but Quentin Tarantino’s latest film was good enough to top the box office this weekend. "Inglourious Basterds," Tarantino’s revisionist take on WWII starring Brad Pitt, grossed an estimated $37.6 million for the top spot. That was more than good enough to dethrone reigning box office champ "District 9.” It also marked the best opening weekend for a Tarantino film, besting "Kill Bill Vol. 2," which brought in $25 million in April 2004. As for “District,” it held fairly strong in its second week of release with $18.9 million to push its total ten-day gross to $73 million. “G.I. Joe” had another solid, unspectacular week with $12.5 million and its three-week cumulative total now stands at $120 million. Rounding out the top five were chick flicks "The Time Traveler's Wife" ($10 million in its second week) and "Julie & Julia" ($9 million for a $59 million tally thus far). Among newcomers to the local multiplex, Warner Bros.’ PG-rated kid flick "Shorts" fell well short of expectations with a mere $6.6 million to finish in sixth place. That was still good enough to make it the top new film for the weekend, as it beat out Fox Searchlight's post-college flick "Post Grad" starring Alexis Bledel, which grossed only $2.8 million despite opening in 1,959 locations. Overall, the box office was up 26 percent compared to the same time last year. That actually marks three straight weeks of that happening after four weekends of extremely underwhelming box office weekends. Next weekend should be christened “Horror Sequel Weekend,” with "Halloween II" and "The Final Destination 3-D” on the way and expected to scare up some big box office dollars for their respective studios, good times……..

- This is a play straight out of the “Ailing Dictators 101” handbook. With former Cuban President Fidel Castro in hiding since he had abdominal surgery in 2006 and having ceded power to his brother Raul when he stepped down as president in February 2008, there has been rampant speculation as to the elder Castro’s health and even if he’s actually still alive (the same thing often asked of Penn State football coach Joe Paterno). And even though he’s no longer in power (supposedly), ensuring that the world believes that Fidel Castro is alive and well remains something of a priority for Cuba’s Communist government. To that end, Cuban state television has broadcast what it called recent footage of Fidel Castro, looking surprisingly healthy and well-rested. Then on Sunday, a new photo of Castro surfaced, marking the second time in 10 days that such a picture has been made public. The image, published in Cuba's state-run youth newspaper, Juventud Rebelde, shows the 83-year-old Castro, meeting with Ecuadorian President Rafael Correa. These Castro sightings are a marked change from the past three years, during which Castro has rarely been shown on Cuban TV. As for the video, it shows him speaking with a group of visiting Venezuelan students at an undisclosed location. These commie sycophants are shown presenting Castro with a T-shirt and sing, "We love you, Fidel. We love you." Now I suppose if your options are give a gift and sing or be thrown into prison for the rest of your natural life, then option A becomes admittedly better than it might initially appear. I would also be remiss if I didn’t give big ups to the makeup artists who got Castro ready for his staged photo op, er, candid moment when a camera just happened to be present. You have to see this guy, rocking a well-groomed appearance, a white short-sleeve shirt and looking every bit like he could pull a Brett Favre, unretire and be back to his Communist dictator ways today. So I guess if you’re a member of the Communist Party in Cuba (and with only one legal political party there, I suppose that would include everyone), it would be good to see your leader upright and breathing, even if that means you’re still every bit as repressed and having all of your individual freedoms stripped from you on a daily basis……….

- Maybe Jack Bauer is more of a realistic role model than we all thought. Having an interrogator break out a gun or an electric drill to convince a prisoner to cooperate certainly seems like something you would see Kiefer Sutherland do on the set of “24,” but apparently that sort of thing also happens in real life. That’s according to a long-concealed inspector-general's report due made public today, revealing that CIA interrogators threatened an al Qaeda prisoner with a gun and an electric drill to try to scare him into giving up information. Now lest you think these interrogators were totally overboard psychopaths, know that they did show restraint in using gun and drill in two separate interrogation sessions against Abd al-Rahim al-Nashiri. If that name sounds familiar, it’s because Al-Nashiri is accused of plotting the 2000 attack on the USS Cole, which left 17 U.S. sailors dead. This report is being released, albeit in redacted form, as part of a lawsuit filed by the ACLU. These Black and Decker interrogations took place in the CIA's infamous secret prisons before 2006, when then-President W. moved all detainees from such facilities to Gitmo. On top of their hardware-laden torture sessions, the inspector-general's report alleges that interrogators staged mock executions to try to frighten detainees into talking. Of course, the CIA is hiding behind the usual bureaucratic bullsh*t and double-talk in addressing the report. “The CIA in no way endorsed behavior -- no matter how infrequent -- that went beyond formal guidance. This has all been looked at; professionals in the Department of Justice decided if and when to pursue prosecution. That's how the system was supposed to work, and that's how it did work," CIA spokesman Paul Gimigliano said. Thanks for saying a lot of words and telling us nothing, Paulie. Other sources disagree with Gimigliano’s assessment and say that the report shows that some torturers, er, interrogators did indeed violate protocol. One of these unidentified sources said about a dozen cases of potential misconduct by interrogators were referred to the Justice Department. Based on this report and other factors, Attorney General Eric Holder is considering whether to appoint a prosecutor to investigate the CIA interrogation program, begun by the W. administration after the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks. Something tells me that legal eagles will be lining up and foaming at the mouth for a shot at that opportunity if it becomes available……..

- I definitely feel for forward Michael Beasley of the Miami Heat, who is being treated for depression-related issues at a Houston rehabilitation facility. He reportedly checked into the facility last week and at this point, it’s not known how long he will remain at the facility. Not that basketball is of the utmost importance when dealing with a serious mental health issue like depression, but the Heat do open training camp on Sept. 28 and obviously no one knows if Beasley, the No. 2 pick in the 2008 NBA draft, will be available by that point. A new photo was posted Friday to his Twitter account, in which Beasley displays a new tattoo across his shoulders and there is a small plastic bag on a nearby table. its contents unknown. Also unknown is whether Beasley was already in rehab at the time the picture was taken. Included with the picture were several comments, including "Feelin like it's not worth livin!!!!!!! I'm done" and "I feel like the whole world is against me I can't win for losin." That account has since been shut down, as was another Beasley used earlier this year. It’s an odd and disconcerting situation for a guy who definitely has his share of inner demons despite finishing his rookie season as Miami's second-leading scorer, averaging 13.9 points and 5.4 rebounds. But even with Heat coach Erik Spoelstra and team president Pat Riley talking often this summer about utilizing Beasley more this coming season, if a person is dealing with serious depression then that wouldn’t be enough to drag them out of their depressed state. Beasley was also known amongst his Heat teammates as a slightly immature, goofy guy who often acted like a teenager. He was also fined $50,000 last September after security officers at the NBA's rookie symposium caught he and fellow rookies , Mario Chalmers, Darrell Arthur and two women sparking up, er, detected the scent of the hippie lettuce in Beasley’s hotel room. Beasley also stated in January that there were times during his first six months as a professional that he felt "everyone was against me" and that many things "get blown out of proportion" -- referring specifically to the rookie symposium incident. All in all, this is clearly a guy who is having a difficult time dealing with the NBA lifestyle and its demands, so here’s hoping that his stint in rehab and the treatment he receives there help him to overcome his depression and find a way to lead a happy, productive life……..

Jim Cameron's new 3D extravaganza, more diva drama in Denver and Riot Watch! goes back to prison

- New Denver Broncos coach Josh McDaniels has shown a definite ability to connect with his star players, I have to give him that. Of course, those connections tend to be of the bitter, hostile and distrustful variety, so maybe McDaniels’ act is working all that well. First he came to Denver and managed to alienate franchise quarterback Jay Cutler by openly attempting to trade for his former protégé, Matt Cassel, who was on the trading block for McDaniels’ former team, New England. McDaniels allegedly pursued Cassel and wasn’t forthright with Cutler about it, leading to distrust and resentment on the quarterback’s part. From there, unreturned phone calls and text messages, angry statements in the media and a flurry of outrage flew from both sides, ultimately leading to Cutler’s exodus from the Mile High city. He landed in Denver and no sooner than his plane hit the tarmac, McDaniels was seemingly in a tiff with the biggest remaining star on his roster, receiver Brandon Marshall. Marshall wasn’t pissed about the Broncos trying to trade for his replacement, but rather about that which vexes all NFLers at some point in their career: the desire for a better contract. After fully recovering from offseason hip surgery, Marshall clearly felt that his current deal doesn’t match up with his on-field performance and the work he’s put in. To communicate that message to the team, he boycotted the Broncos' offseason workouts. Contributing to his ire was Marshall’s belief that the team misdiagnosed his hip injury. As he held out, Marshall insisted that the either redo his contract or trade him. On top of all of this, Marshall was also facing battery charges stemming from a domestic incident last year. When he was acquitted on those charges last week, Marshall then was unhappy with how the team handled the situation. Allegedly a team public relations staffer told players that if they were asked about Marshall’s acquittal, they should say only that it was good for the team to have it behind them and not that they were happy for Marshall. Mix all of these grievances together and you can see where things might start to get a bit contentious. So even though Marshall showed up for training camp, there has never been any doubt that he’s still extremely angry with his team. He admitted that he was nowhere near learning the new offensive playbook installed by McDaniels and was demoted to practicing with the scout team. Then, the Broncos left Marshall behind when they traveled to Seattle for last night’s exhibition game against the Seahawks. McDaniels said after practice Thursday that he hadn't decided on playing plans for Marshall, but clearly he made a decision and that choice isn't going to soothe the simmering tensions between team and player. This is going to get worse before it gets better, if it ever gets better……..

- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! If it seems like there have been a lot of editions of everyone favorite overview of social dissidence worldwide that have been set behind bars…..well, it’s because there have been. Fact is, there have just been an inordinate number of prison riots of late. Honestly, can you blame these inmates? Their lives suck. Their days are monotonous, controlled, regimented and lacking in freedom. They eat bland food, sleep in poorly decorated cells with terrible aesthetics and are constantly having their freedoms restricted by guards and prison administrators. In other words, they’re going to riot sooner or later. That you and I get to enjoy the spectacle when they do is just a nice fringe benefit. This edition of Riot Watch! takes us to the medium-security Northpoint Training Center in Burgin, Kentucky, where inmates torched buildings, shattered windows and threw rocks at guards in their attempt to stick it to the Man. Oddly enough, the uprising came shortly AFTER the warden announced he'd ease restrictions on a lockdown. Typically you’d think that easing restrictions would put prisoners in a better mood, but inmates can be extremely unpredictable. The lockdown began Tuesday after about 10 to 15 inmates assaulted two others in a fight over stolen property. A little inmate infighting and the warden overreacts, how typical. That clearly put everyone on edge, so warden Steve Haney told prisoners about 6 p.m. Friday of his plan to ease the lockdown. After that announcement, it took all of 30 minutes for the riot to get started. Fires were set and quickly began to spread through the dorm-styled institution. Inmates were evacuated to the prison yard and authorities began lobbing tear gas canisters over the fence in an attempt to quell the rioting prisoners. What sets this riot apart is that not only did thee inspired rioters set multiple blazes, those fires were large and destructive enough that the facility was damaged to the point that all the prison's 1,200 inmates had to be kept outside in the yard. "There are several buildings in the front that will be a total loss," said Lt. David Jude of Kentucky State Police. There could even be criminal charges filed against the inmates who set the fires, assuming that authorities can figure out who was responsible. I’d also like to know who is responsible, but only so I can applaud and congratulate them for their part in one heck of a prison riot…….

- Finally, something is going to change for the Chicago Cubs. No, their 100-plus year World Series championship drought isn't going to end this year. The Cubbies are free falling right out of the playoff race and are barely above the .500 mark, so there is zero chance of them winning a championship this season. In lieu of that, the loveable losers from the north side of Chicago will finally get a new owner. After months and months of negotiations, bids and speculation, the Tribune Co. has signed an agreement to sell the franchise to the Ricketts family. The family will pony up about $800 million to acquire a 95 percent interest in a package of assets that includes: the team, Wrigley Field and Tribune Co.'s 25 percent stake in Comcast SportsNet Chicago, which broadcasts many Cubs games. The remaining 5 percent ownership stake in those entities will remain with Tribune Co., the franchise’s longtime owner. The Ricketts family initially bid $900 million in January, but in the negotiations that have taken place since then, the two sides have haggled back and forth and ultimately, the Ricketts clan will acquire assets valued at $845 million. “Our family is thrilled to have reached an agreement to acquire a controlling interest in the Chicago Cubs, one of the most storied franchises in sports," Joe Ricketts, a billionaire who founded the Omaha-based online brokerage TD Ameritrade Holding Corp., said in a statement. "The Cubs have the greatest fans in the world, and we count our family among them. We look forward to closing the transaction so that we can begin leading the Cubs to a World Series title.” For both sides, the agreement was a long time coming. The sale of the franchise and its associated assets featured ten different bidders and two months ago, Tribune Co. executives became so frustrated with the process that they went looking for another bidder to come in and challenge the Ricketts family. New York investor and former Chicagoan Marc Utay accepted that offer and re-entered the bidding process, but ultimately the Tribune Co. was able to seal the deal with the buyer that had been the frontrunner all along. The marriage of buyer and seller seems appropriate given that three of Joe Ricketts’ four children live in the Chicago area. One of his sons, Tom Ricketts, spearheaded the team’s quest to by the Cubs. The sale marks a return to family ownership for the Cubs, who were owned by the Wrigley family, founders of the chewing-gum company, for 65 years. The Wrigleys sold the team to Tribune Co. in 1981 for $20 million, although characterizing this sale as a 4,100 percent return on investment for the Tribube Co. would be inaccurate. Even though the sale price is $825 million more than the 1981 purchase price, inflation and other economic factors mitigate things a bit. Regardless of the asking price, Cubs fans will likely be happy to see a change at the top after the outgoing owners failed to put a championship team on the field. Never mind that Tribune Co. spent liberally and brought in many high-priced free agents, Cubs fans are superstitious and enigmatic to the core and even something as irrelevant as who signs the paychecks for the current roster of underachievers wearing Cubs uniforms matters to them. And regardless of who owns the team, Cubs fans will undoubtedly remain among the most loyal in all of professional sports. The Cubs attract more than 3 million fans a year whether they are mediocre or making a much-hyped playoff run that inevitably ends with a first-round sweep by an inferior opponent. Ultimately, it’s just good to see this process come to an end. Apparently one consistent point of contention during negotiations was media rights, specifically the fact that Tribune Co.'s WGN cable superstation has long enjoyed primary rights to air Cubs games. WGN will retain long-term broadcast rights to the team under the deal, so that much will remain the same for the Cubbies. The Ricketts family won’t actually take control of the team until after the season ends at the end of September. Between now and then, there are still a few issues to resolve, namely the fact that Tribune Co. has been in Chapter 11 bankruptcy since December and a major disposition of assets requires the court's blessing. That is expected to happen without incident and by the time next season rolls around, there will be a new captain for the Cubs’ perennially sinking ship……..

- I loves me some good election fraud. Nothing is better than groups, politicians and parties looking to corrupt the democratic process and steer things in their favor in direct opposition to the will of the people. Sure, the United States is feverishly working to help Afghanistan create a viable democracy, but any time I can have reports of rampant election fraud in a presidential election, I’ll take it. These allegations mostly include tales of with anecdotal but widespread accounts of ballot-box stuffing, a lack of impartiality among election workers and voters casting ballots for others – in other words, the same sort of corrupt practices that once helped Chicago earn its reputation as America’s most dishonest city in terms of politics and voting. Yes, I would love to see a better turnout for women voters, something that was severely lacking in the Afghan presidential election, but don’t let that overshadow the awesome shadiness of election fraud. As with the recent bogus, illegitimate presidential election/sham in Iran, allegations of improprieties were flying around even as officials were still counting. With some 30 candidates for president, you can imagine what sort of chaos might occur. Preliminary results aren’t expected until Tuesday, but already it’s being predicted that there will need to be a runoff election to settle things. The chief contenders are expected to be incumbent president, Hamid Karzai and his former foreign minister, Abdullah Abdullah (rumored middle name: Hank). But back to my favorite part of the story, the alleged fraud. It not only includes possible misdeeds inside polling places, but also voter intimidation by the Taliban and by some powerful candidates, especially local candidates running for provincial council seats. There was also the issue of segregating male and female voters to keep men and women from publicly mingling, which might have worked - had hundreds of polling stations for women actually opened, which they didn't. At least 650 women’s polling centers planned did not open on the day, according to Free and Fair Elections in Afghanistan, the largest Afghan observer organization. Female candidates were also subjected to harassment and intimidation, but as I said at the top, what will stick with me from this whole election saga is the rampant corruption and vote rigging, because I always have and always will love me some election fraud.......

- James Cameron owes us all. As the man responsible for the four-hour travesty/train wreck/biggest waste of time in cinematic history, Titanic, Cameron could make the best movie in the history of cinema and top it ten times before he could even put a dent in the debt he owes us. Now I have no idea if his highly-anticipated 3D sci-fi blockbuster "Avatar" will be that sort of great movie, but there are clearly many out there who believe it will be all that and more. This past week, Cameron unveiled a 15-minute preview of “Avatar” to sold-out audiences in selected cinemas across the world. The buzz was so strong leading up to the preview that many dubbed it "Avatar Day.” What makes the hype for this movie different is that the claims of its importance aren’t based solely on how good of a movie it is, but rather on the belief that it may revolutionize the way we watch movies. Cameron has long been a leading advocate for 3D technology (along with being a proponent of crappy romantic dramas set on sinking cruise ships), so it makes sense for him to be the one in this position. “The 3D is going to be mind-boggling," said David Cohen of film industry trade magazine Variety. "He may indeed be pushing 3D to another level.” Cameron also has a strong background in the world of sci-fi as the series director for the "Aliens" and "Terminator" franchises. As for “Avatar” itself, the film is set on the magical jungle planet of Pandora as a war between the invading humans and Pandora's native species, the Na'vi, breaks out. The film’s protagonist is Sam Worthington as a former Marine paralyzed from the waist down. He’s offered the chance to regain his ability to walk by becoming an "avatar" -- a 10-foot-tall, blue-skinned creature genetically engineered to resemble the planet's humanoid life forms. Cameron has also snagged an A-list cast for the movie, with Sigourney Weaver, Michelle Rodriguez and Zoe Saldana all on board. It’s not exclusively animated, either; the movie combines live action and photo-realistic CGI. It’s a long time in the making, as Cameron first came up with the concept 14 years ago but decided not to make the film until technology was advanced enough to match up with his vision. In making the film, Cameron worked with old pal Vincent Pace to develop the most advanced camera rig using stereoscopic (3D) cameras yet. The camera features lenses that closely mirror the workings of the human eye, positioned close together that can move a little to capture objects that are near or far away. Comic book dorks, er, Comi-Con attendees actually got an advanced look at the film in July, which only seemed to heighten the anticipation for its release. One issue with the film that will need to be addressed is that not all theaters will be equipped to handle the movie’s 3D technology. Other than that, it seems like Cameron and Co. are due for a big payday and plenty of self-congratulating awards at the Oscars and like events…….

Colorful ways to get your drink on, Weezer's new album nears completion and a dad who just doesn't care much about his daughter

- Because I’ve never been a daughter, I can’t imagine how this next story would make me feel, but something tells me I wouldn’t feel too good. Kendall Gryzb, a University of Alabama student, was involved in a little domestic squabble with her boyfriend, Alabama linebacker Courtney Upshaw. Upshaw and Gryzb were arrested in what police say was a domestic violence dispute in the parking lot of the Student Recreation Center. As a quick aside, if you’re going to brawl with your significant other, have the common decency to beat the crap out of each other in private. As it happened, these two got into it, the police were called and both parties were hauled off in the paddy wagon. Yet it was Upshaw who ended up sitting in jail and finding support from an unlikely source: Dave Gryzb, father of the girl he’d just traded punches with. ! “I hate to see this guy get in too much trouble because I honestly think it was probably initiated by my daughter,” Dave Grzyb said. “I don’t think he laid a hand on her. He just tried to restrain her to keep from getting hit again.” Are you freaking kidding me? Even if you think your kid is a troublemaker and a bad seed, don’t come out and publicly side with a guy who was just arrested for fighting with them. I know Crimson Tide football is huge in the state of Alabama and for some of you down there, it’s pretty much your religion. That being said, I don’t think it’s too much to ask that fathers side with their daughters in cases of alleged physical abuse. Rather than feeling bad for Courtney Upshaw as he sits in the Tuscaloosa County Jail, how’s about bailing your daughter out and making sure she’s okay? Sure, witnesses to the fight say that Kendall Gryzb dished out just as many punches and slaps as she took, but she still deserves the support of her father. Just imagine what sort of treatment this girl is going to receive from her dad if Upshaw is suspended, the Alabama defense falters because of it and they lose a couple of key SEC games. Papa Gryzb may disown his daughter, cut her off financially and come to campus to rip her car from her. Always good to see people who truly have their priorities straight in life……..

- Rural Kenya isn't exactly a corner of the world you’d expect to be a leader in the world of cell phone technology, but maybe that perception should change. With the scarcity of landlines and the inefficacy of most other forms of communication, Kenyans are like millions of others in emerging nations who rely on mobile phones in order to communicate. However, unreliable power grids in rural towns and villages often make charging the phones a huge headache. Finding a solution for that problem is both a challenge and an opportunity, one that Kenya's biggest mobile phone company, Safaricom Ltd., is looking to solve by launching the nation's first solar-charged phone this month. The phone does come with a regular electrical charger, but its standout feature is a solar panel that charges the phone using the sun's rays. And unlike the iPhone, which invariably comes at a price of several hundred dollars every time Apple tries to jam up users with a new version of its smart phone, this solar-powered phone sells for about $35. They’re also manufactured by Chinese telecommunications company ZTE Corp, so it shows that it isn't only here in the United States that nearly every consumer product you use on a daily basis was made in China. Safaricom plans to make an initial supply of 100,000 phones available, but that number could expand quickly if demand warrants it. Kenya isn't the only country turning to solar cell phones, as Samsung introduced its first sun-powered phone in India in mid-June. It too has high expectations for its new phone, the Solar Guru, in India, another country where electrical supply can be erratic. To understand just how much of an asset this phone could be for Kenyans, you need only to realize that about 1.3 million of Kenya's 37 million people are connected to the national electrical grid. That’s just about 3.5 percent of the population, meaning that the other 35.7 million people in Kenya would have no way to charge a phone if they could afford one to begin with. On top of that, the country has been undergoing power rationing after a three-year drought. Still, some 17 million Kenyans use cell phones and until now, they’ve been forced to use either bike-powered generators to charge their phones or pay businesses in major cities to charge their phones. Now, Kenyans have an alternative and it will come from above………

- Every time it appears that the furor over Michael Vick’s return to the NFL is beginning to subside, a new story pops up of some yahoo who is making it their life’s mission to take a stand against the worst crime ever in the history of the world, a guy operating a dogfighting ring. Yes, I love dogs and find Vick’s actions heinous and offensive. However, the people who are acting like this guy is a serial killer who raped and slaughtered dozens of women and children need to gain some perspective. These are people like Steve Coffman, owner of Slate's Prime Time Grill in Sandpoint, Idaho. Coffman thinks he’s making a huge social stand by refusing to show Philadelphia Eagles games from his bar’s televisions and refusing to serve beers from brewers who continue to be sponsors of the team for as long as Vick plays for the Eagles. Yes, this tool is boycotting the Philadelphia Eagles and their corporate sponsors. He has joined the national "Sack Vick" movement, filled with people who are either ignorant of or don’t care about the fact that in no way, ever, is their little crusade going to force the Eagles to release Vick or otherwise impact his football career. Coffman’s contention is that athletes should be held accountable and NFL teams should have better judgment, although he doesn’t do a good job of explaining what he means by that. "We just seem to say 'okay' and we continue to spend $40 to $50 and go to a game and buy the products. I think it's time we stopped and said, 'Hey, you know its enough.', " said Coffman. Whatever you want to do, go for it, you kook. And while I’m certain that Coffman would say that he’s fine with this, the reality is that if he pulls Coors and Miller Lite and refuses to show Eagles games, he’s going to lose customers. If the Eagles and Giants are playing in a big Monday night game and Slate’s Prime Time Grill won’t show the game, people will go elsewhere, likely to a bar not run by a complete tool……..

- The enigmatic Rivers Cuomo and his pals from Weezer are set to release their latest album, "Raditude," on October 27. Following up on yet another self-titled album (also dubbed “The Red Album”), Cuomo says the band is currently choosing from fifteen different songs for possible inclusion. Among that number will be songs such as "The Girl Got Hot" and "I'm Your Daddy" that the group recently debuted live. The album’s first single will be "(If You're Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To." In the interim since the release of “The Red Album,” Cuomo released a solo project, 2008's "Alone II: The Home Recordings of Rivers Cuomo.” Now, he and his band of admitted misfits are back with a new project. “The sound of "Raditude" is fun, high energy rock," Cuomo explained. "Which is exemplified in a song like '(If You're Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To.' 'I'm Your Daddy,' has an up vibe with the same, heavy Weezer guitar riff but with a little electro influence. And 'The Girl Got Hot' - that's kind of a witty, party jam.” Yes, you just read a quote from a rock star that used the word exemplified. Only the Harvard-educated Cuomo and a few select artists would venture that deep into the English language at any point. I have to admit that even as a Weezer fan, one thing that concerns me is that one of the confirmed tracks for the album, “Can't Stop Partying," was co-written with Jermaine Dupri. If Chris Cornell’s regrettable, overproduced collaboration with uber-producer Timbaland taught us anything, it’s that rockers and hip-hop-backgrounded producers don’t always work well together. But history has proved that Weezer’s devoted legions of fans tend to support their albums extremely well. According to Nielsen SoundScan, 2008's "Weezer" has sold 443,000; the group's debut, 1994's "Weezer" (a.k.a. "The Blue Album") has sold 3.3 million copies, followed by 2001's "Weezer" (a.k.a. "The Green Album") at 1.6 million copies and even 1996's "Pinkerton," once considered a commercial failue, has sold an impressive 852,000 units. Early buzz for the new album is strong, but Cuomo cautions that the process of writing and recording it has been challenging. “I think making a rock record is rarely easy or smooth," he says. "It requires a lot of work and sometimes you have to write more songs that end up on the record; sometimes you have to go back and re-record a song more than once. Sometimes you have to switch studios or producers, you have to go on a bit of an exploration about what it is you're trying to make. And in those regards, I think 'Raditude' is pretty much normal.” If you’re wondering where the peculiar album titled came from, look no further than Cuomo’s good friend , Rainn Wilson from NBC’s “The Office.” Apparently Wilson and Cuomo were talking about the project and Cuomo solicited his pal’s assistance in naming it. “He has a super-rock persona," Cuomo explains. "When it came time to find a title for the Weezer album, I asked him what he thought the ultimate album title would be and he said 'Raditude.'” Come October 27, we’ll get to see if the album’s attitude can match its name……..



- How dare Anheuser-Busch have the audacity to make its beer more enjoyable for college sports fans to drink! The brewer has launched a new marketing campaign that features Bud Light beer cans decorated with local schools' team colors. Dozens of colleges, led by their idiotic and provincial administrators, have decried the campaign on the grounds that the promotions near their campuses will contribute to underage and binge drinking and give the impression that the colleges are endorsing the brew. First…no one has to encourage or promote underage and binge drinking on and around college campuses – it’s going to happen whether the beer is in cans, bottles, kegs or cups and regardless of the coloring on those containers. Second, no one is going to think that a school is endorsing these beers…but what will give them that impression are the banners, signs and other commercial partnerships between colleges and beer companies. Yes, I feel safe in saying that if you go to a college sporting event, especially a football or basketball game, you’ll see signage for a beer company and if that doesn’t imply the school’s endorsement of those beers, then I just don’t know what the meaning of endorsement is. The degree of opposition to this marketing campaign has varied from school to school, with some merely speaking out against it while others are demanding that the sales be stopped. What absolutely infuriates me about these dissenters is that you just know their supposed concerns about promoting underage drinking are a total falsehood. They are concerned about one thing and one thing only, that being their bottom line. If they believe that someone is making money by doing anything remotely connected to their institution, they want a piece. Opposing "Fan Cans" has nothing to do with any concern for underage and binge drinking, period. Besides, Anheuser-Busch maintains that the campaign is aimed only at fans who can drink legally and honestly, no one can definitively prove otherwise. These cans don’t promote underage drinking any more than any other can of beer. Besides, the deciding factor in beer purchases on college campuses isn't the appearance of that can, that much I can guarantee you. No, the focus is on how cheap the beer is, plain and simple. So as of right now, the Bud Light promotion involves 27 different color combinations and the only way any color scheme will be dropped is if the school whose colors mirror that of the can registers a formal complaint. Some schools have announced their intention to do so, showing once again their true, hypocritical colors…….

More athletes assaulting cabbies, Dick Hatch back to prison and seeing green in Mexico City

- Green isn't only a color on the flag for our neighbors to the south. On Wednesday, Mexico City proved it cares about the environment by amending ordinances on solid waste to ban businesses from giving out thin plastic bags that are not biodegradable. The new law went into effect this week and thousands of stores in and around Mexico City went green to comply. The law affects all stores, production facilities and service providers within the Federal District, which encompasses the city limits. Nearly 9 million people live inside the district and another 10 million reside in surrounding communities that make up greater Mexico City. Surprisingly, Mexico City becomes just the second major city in the Western Hemisphere to outlaw the bags, following the example set by San Francisco in March 2007. That maneuver threw down an ultimatum on supermarkets and large chain pharmacies to phase out the enviro-harming plastic bags within six months. The plastic people of Los Angeles also plan to follow suit and banish plastic bags if the state of California does not enact a statewide 25-cent fee per bag by July. This is a huge issue because nearly 90 percent of the bags used in the United States are not recycled and as you might be expect, these plastic bags are incredibly bad for the environment. They are the second-most-common form of litter, behind cigarette butts, the greatest form of litter on the globe's oceans and a major threat to ocean wildlife, causing the deaths of 100,000 sea turtles and other marine animals that mistake them for food (even with a little salt, they’re still not that tasty). Countries all over the world have recognized the menace that is plastic bags and imposed all manner of bans and limits on their use. China has adopted a strict limit, eliminating the use of 40 billion bags. Environmental advocates say that enforcement of the law has been spotty (shocking, since I figured the Chinese government would relish the opportunity to punish and beat down its citizenry), although the violation of the law carries a possible fine of 10,000 yuan ($1,463). Things are just as strict in Tanzania, where selling the bags carries a maximum six-month jail sentence and a fine of 1.5 million shilling ($1,137). Mumbai, India, outlawed the bags in 2000 and cities in Australia, South Africa and Taiwan have imposed bans or surcharges. Outlawing plastic bags seems to be the least Mexico City could do given the fact that it has quite possibly the worst air pollution in the world. To that end, the municipal government has also announced plans to place more than 1,100 bicycles at 84 stations throughout the city for residents to use. Now if the citizens of Mexico City can manage to ride those bikes without choking, coughing and wheezing because of the polluted air they must breathe……..

- Every sporting events needs one bizarre tale to spice things up and for the ongoing world track and field championships, South African runner Caster Semenya is that story. To put it bluntly, officials at the meet have asked South Africa's track and field federation to conduct a gender test on Semenya because of concerns she does not meet the requirements to compete as a woman. While it would seem to be a rather simple anatomical question to answer, determining this sort of thing in the world of international athletics is slightly complicated. IAAF spokesman Nick Davies called the process an "extremely complex, difficult" test which has already been set into motion. In the meantime, Semenya was allowed to compete in Wednesday's 800 final at the world championships, a race in which she was one of the favorites. And why was there a question about this individual’s gender in the first place? Well, the world track and field federation requested the gender test about three weeks ago, after Semenya drastically improved her personal bests in the 800 and 1,500. Specifically, she posted the world's best time this year of 1:56.72 three weeks ago at the African junior championships in Bambous, Mauritius. Davies was quick to emphasize that "it's a medical issue, not an issue of cheating." As for the process of testing one’s gender, the verification requires a physical medical evaluation, and includes reports from a gynecologist, endocrinologist, psychologist, an internal medicine specialist and an expert on gender. South Africa team manager Phiwe Mlangeni-Tsholetsane maintains that his team made no mistake in entering Semenya as a woman and they believe the test will ultimately bear that out. “We entered Caster as a woman and we want to keep it that way," Mlangeni-Tsholetsane said. "Our conscience is clear in terms of Caster. We have no reservations at all about that.” So what happens if Semenya is ultimately found to be ineligible to compete as a woman? “I can't say that if 'X' happens in the future that we will, for example, retroactively strip results. It's legally very complex," Davies said. "If there's a problem and it turns out that there's been a fraud ... that someone has changed sex, then obviously it would be much easier to strip results," Davies added. "However, if it's a natural thing and the athlete has always thought she's a woman or been a woman, it's not exactly cheating.” Well that was unclear and ambiguous at best, thanks for that. Basically, these decision are made on a case-by-case basis, so legal experts will have to figure this out if it’s ultimately determined that Caster Semenya should be competing as a dude……..

- Freaking Dick Hatch is at it again and that should surprise exactly no one. You likely remember him (if you remember him at all) as former Survivor winner Richard Hatch. Hatch spent more than three years in jail after being convicted in 2006 of failing to pay taxes on the $1 million he won on the first season of Survivor. After being released from prison, House was then transferred to house arrest at his sister Kristin's Newport, R.I., home. But even in home confinement, D. Hatch couldn’t stay down. He consented to do an interview with NBC’s Matt Lauer for the Today show and assured Lauer that he had proper approval from the Federal Bureau of Prisons to do the interview. In the course of the interview, the ever-outspoken Hatch theorized that he was imprisoned in his tax evasion case because he's gay. Right, because the IRS gives a damn about your sexual orientation. Heck, they’re the one organization that doesn’t give a crap who you are, how old you are, if you’re straight or gay or most anything else. The bottom line with them is that if you don’t pay your taxes, you’re going down. Ask Wesley Snipes about that if you don’t believe me, because even his celebrity wasn’t enough to get him out of the $12 million in back taxes he owed the IRS. But it wasn’t Hatch’s bogus allegation that was the real story; no, that happened when he was taken into custody Tuesday and transferred to Barnstable County Correctional Facility in Bourne, Mass. His sister and attorney then implied that Hatch was jailed for doing the interview with Lauer. The arrest took place just hours after the interview aired and Hatch’s sister seems certain that it was the interview that led to her brother’s return to the clink. 
"I heard [the sheriff] tell Rich that he did an interview, and that's why he was going back to prison," Kristin Hatch said on Wednesday's Today. Richard Hatch’s attorney, Cynthia Ribas, also appeared on Today and said that she had secured clearance from the BOP for the interview and still had not been given a reason for the arrest. There was no word on what, if any, impact this latest development would have on Hatch’s scheduled release from house arrest Oct. 7. Regardless, this just goes to show once again that when these irrelevant tools appear on reality TV shows and receive their undeserved 15 minutes of fame, a monster is created with a sense of entitlement that you just can’t kill…………

- Oooh, ooh! Could it be? Could we have another caning on the horizon in Malaysia? I think so and the person set to receive the punishment is Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno a Malaysian model, who is set to make history as the first woman in the country to be caned for drinking alcohol in public. Yes, cracking down on a chick for downing a beer in public seems harsh, but Malaysia is a moderate Muslim country that forbids alcohol consumption by Muslims -- even those who are visiting. Kartika, a part-time model, was visiting Malaysia from Singapore when she had the gall to enjoy a beer at a hotel bar two years ago. She was fined $1,400 (5,000 Malaysian ringgit) and sentenced to six strokes with a rattan cane by a An Islamic court in the eastern state of Pahang. Surprisingly, Kartika isn't fighting the punishment and she’s actually turning the fight on the court. She has demanded that her punishment carried out in public, saying that if the intent of the Islamic, or Shariah, court that sentenced her was to set an example for other Muslims, then the flogging should take place in the open. "Let's be transparent about it," she said. She has already pleaded guilty and paid the fine, so the caning would be the last step in the judicial process. The Malaysian judicial system is a curious one, with which Islamic courts operating alongside civil ones in what is known as a dual-track justice system. The no-booze law only applies to Muslims, who make up about 60 percent of the population. Everyone else can get as drunk as they want whenever they want. Many critics see Kartika's as a prime example of the issues caused by growing fundamentalism in the country. The backwards-thinking school of fundamentalist thought manifests itself in other places, including northern Malaysia's Kelantan state, where The Man has forbidden Muslim women from wearing bright lipstick and high-heeled shoes in order to “safeguard the morals and dignity” of the women and decrease the likelihood of rape. But back to the issue at hand, the caning. Basically, the punishee it whapped with a thin stick that doesn’t actually break the skin and he or she keeps their clothes on so the blows don’t come into direct contact with the skin. Kartika isn't the first person to be sentenced to caning for public consumption of alcohol, but she is unusual in that two other Malaysians sentenced to the same fate have filed appeals. “I'm not really afraid. I feel relief," she said. "I want to move on. This case has been hanging over me for a long time.” So within a week she will be caned, this whole mess will be over and Malaysia will succeed in keeping its legal system in the dark ages……..

- Is it too much to ask that coaches and athletes stop (allegedly) assaulting cab drivers? First University of Cincinnati basketball coach Andy Kennedy allegedly beat up a cabbie last year, then Chicago Blackhawks star Patrick Kane cold-cocked a Buffalo cab driver last month and now Tampa Bay Buccaneers cornerback Aqib Talib has apparently decided to get in on the fisticuff fun. Talib was arrested early Thursday and charged with simple battery and resisting arrest, both misdemeanors, in connection with an alleged assault on a cab driver in Tampa. According to a Florida Highway Patrol arrest report, Talib went upside the cabbie’s head with punch to the right ear and neck shortly after 11 p.m. on Wednesday night. When police arrived on the scene, Talib and two other men were passengers in the cab. Officers claim they asked Talib to get out of the car three times and he did not cooperate. Normally this is where you would read about said athlete getting hit with a Taser blast, but these cops showed nice restraint. The driver, David Duggan of St. Petersburg, told the officers that Talib clocked him so hard that it felt like being hit with a hammer. “It was like someone hit me upside the head with a hammer," he said. "He hit me so hard he knocked my hat off my head.” The trouble allegedly began after Duggan said he had picked up Talib and his friends outside Nova 535, a St. Petersburg venue that hosts private parties, and charged the men $50 to take them to a hotel in Tampa. There was no immediate word on what caused Talib to attack Duggan, but something tells me that alcohol may have been involved and that Talib and his boys might have been a bit drunk. Of course, Talib’s history would indicate that he doesn’t really need much of a reason to decide to go. In a brawl during practice in May, Talib swung his helmet at a teammate and hit bystander Torrie Cox instead. Heck, he had the lack of foresight and restraint to get into a fight with then-teammate Cory Boyd during the league's rookie symposium. Yes, at the event where the league brings in all incoming rookies to hammer them with the league’s rules, laws and policies and to “encourage” them to be good citizens, this idiot is fighting not only with another rookie, but a guy who was going to be his teammate. Well done, A. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say Aqib Talib is “likes to fight” guy and he needs some serious anger management counseling. Buccaneers general manager Mark Dominick didn’t exactly sound surprised when asked about Talib’s alleged crime, saying, “Aqib is a very outgoing, outspoken young man. He certainly needs to mature a lot more. That's what I'll say.” In other words, this guy is an idiot and a hothead and we’ve had just about enough of his act, even if he had four interceptions in 15 games as a rookie last season. With commissioner/sheriff Roger Goodell cracking down on any and all player misconduct (see Stallworth, Dante or Vick, Michael), this kind of garbage isn't going to fly on any team. So for the love of God, would all coaches and athletes out there simply pay their cab fare, get out of the cab and walk away without feeling the need to assault their driver? I know it’s a lot to ask, but I think it can be done…….

Punishment for attending a Kenny Chesney concert, more celebrities buy into the Miami Dolphins and new places to hide your meth

- When New York real estate billionaire Stephen Ross bought the Miami Dolphins from longtime owner Wayne Huizenga in January, no one was quite sure what to make of it. Here was a New York real estate magnate purchasing a team in South Florida, which theoretically makes sense because so many former New Yorkers move to the Sunshine State when they retire. Plus, NFL ownership is an exclusive club and when an opportunity to buy a team comes up, you take it regardless of geographic location. But clearly Ross had an idea of how he wanted to run things and that idea includes an obvious focus on incorporating as many celebrities as possible into his franchise. It all began when Ross and music legend/mellow dude Jimmy Buffett partnered up to slam the name of Buffett’s brand of beer, Land Shark, on the Dolphins’ stadium. Additionally, Buffett penned a Dolphins anthem that will be played at the newly christened Land Shark Stadium. After Buffett was on board, Ross proceeded to add (and I use this term liberally) singers Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez, who are married, as minority owners in the team. For some people, that would be enough crappy pop singers as part of their team, but Stephen Ross wasn’t finished - far from it. He then managed to turn musicians Gloria and Emilio Estefan around and line them up as minority owners as well, increasing his franchise’s cash flow but also drastically upping the risk of a takeover via elevator music within the organization. Bearing those developments in mind, I guess the prevailing emotion I feel when hearing about the Dolphins’ newest minority owners is relief. These two individuals are very successful in their field, they understand the demands of being an elite athlete and most importantly, they don’t sing garbage pop music. They are none other than Serena and Venus Williams, two of the best players in women’s tennis. The Williams sisters have become the latest celebrities to own a stake in the Dolphins. Both sisters live in Palm Beach Gardens, Fla., about an hour's drive from the Dolphins' stadium, so the deal makes sense from that standpoint. Wishful thinkers out there will undoubtedly view this as a hopeful sign because at present, the NFL has no African-American majority team owner. Between them, the Williams sisters have combined to win 18 Grand Slam titles and much to my chagrin, they have successfully shoved the über-hot Maria Sharapova out of the women’s tennis spotlight of late. Now if you believe Ross, these celebrity ownership additions aren’t necessarily out of financial need, but more to reflect the diversity of South Florida and show that the franchise is connected with the community. There is also an minority ownership offer out there for Buffett, but he’s apparently been too busy with his Parrotheads to take Ross up on it. No word yet on whether Enrique Iglesias or Shakira will soon be buying into the Dolphins as well, but here’s hoping……..

- It’s the age-old question: Where do I hide my meth when I a) don’t want to lose it and b) don’t want to get busted for possession. Cars are out because the chances of a cop discovering your stash during a routine traffic stop are simply too great. You could try hiding it in a simple household item like a coffee can, but you could very easily forget about that and throw out the coffee can and your meth along with it. As you can see, it’s quite a conundrum, but leave it to great minds like Lorri Campo of Montcalm, Mich. to find a solution to this vexing problem. Seems that my girl L. Campo decided that the best place to hide her meth was in the diaper of her infant grandson. Yes, she and her boyfriend are among five adults charged in connection with a meth bust last Wednesday and during the bust, officers found the infant. In addition to the tot with meth in his underpants, members of the Central Michigan Enforcement Team also found large quantities of non-diaper meth, a meth lab inside the house and additional equipment and in a van parked in the driveway. In what should be a truly fortuitous break, Compo's grandson, Steven Rish Jr., who is almost age 1, was removed from the home and placed in custody of Child Protective Services. This kid clearly has a better chance in the care of non-meth addicts and away from his degenerate grandma. She now sits in the Montcalm County Jail facing use of cocaine, methamphetamine, ecstacy charges and maintaining a drug house. It was actually Rish’s non-methhead grandmother who discovered the drugs in his diaper after picking him up from protective custody. She was changing Steven and discovered a plastic bag of meth in his diaper, which she then turned over to police. At this point, no one knows for sure why the drugs were placed inside the diaper, although I have a pretty good idea. The boy’s mother Katrina, who left her son at the house earlier in the day before the raid took place, doesn’t seem too enthused about her mother’s actions. “It's so hard. The fact that my parents would do something like that, that's so selfish - that could have killed my son. Something that could have put us out on the street with nowhere to go, that's just wrong,” she fumed. Wrong? Showing ingenuity and creativity in finding new places for druggies to hide their stash when the cops raid their home is wrong? If it is, I’m not sure I want to be right……….

- Monday was a huge day for Washington Nationals fans - both of them. Not that I blame people in and around the D.C. area for not being in a rush to support a team that has annually ranked as the worst in baseball since arriving in town just under a decade ago. Even with a new stadium, the Nats still suck and they’re still going to finish in the basement of the NL East year after year. Still, the team signing No. 1 draft pick Stephen Strasburg to a contract literally less than one minute before the deadline for picks to sign is a huge boost for the struggling franchise. The Nationals failed to sign their top pick last year and with Strasburg being hailed as quite possibly the best pitching prospect ever - literally ever - and a possible savior for the franchise, inking him to a deal was paramount. Had the Nats and Strasburg’s maniacal, greed bag of an agent, the legendarily loathsome Scott Boras, not agreed to a contract before midnight, the 102-mph-throwing righty would have gone back into the draft next season and would have had the choice to sit out the coming year, pitch in an independent league or pitch abroad in a place such as Japan. The problem was Boras, who was looking to not just exceed the record for richest contract ever given to a draft pick, he was looking to “change the way the system works.” In other words, he didn’t want to better the $10 million in guaranteed money that Mark Prior signed for out of USC in 2001; he was throwing out numbers like $50 million. Yes, I said $50 million. Now that may have been nothing more than posturing and looking to drive the actual asking price up, but even the $25 to $30 million Boras was reportedly asking the Nats for was absurd. Sure, Strasburg has amazing stuff and was dominating on the mound for San Diego State, but Boras claiming that he’s an other-worldly pitching marvel worth more guaranteed money that most established, top-end free agent pitchers sign for was a joke at best. And so the two sides dug in their heels and the deadline approached with fans helplessly watching to see if their franchise would swing and miss yet again. In the end, the deal was reached and Strasburg will receive $15.1 million over the next four years to help resuscitate the lifeless Nats. Strasburg gets a $7.5 million signing bonus payable over three years and his actual salary breaks down to: the prorated portion of the $400,000 minimum for 2009 which comes to$102,732, $2 million in 2010, $2.5 million in 2011 and $3 million in 2012. However, the Nationals are already saying that despite speculation that Strasburg might be major league-ready now, he likely won't pitch in the big leagues this season. Instead, they imply that he will pitch for the team’s Single-A rookie league affiliate to start and has next to no chance to make it to the majors until 2010. I’m sure Nats fans would love to see this guy on the mound this year - heck, probably tomorrow - and while it would be cool to see him become one of a select few players to jump straight from college to the majors, there’s not much to gain from bringing him up right away. The Nationals will still suck no matter when he comes up…………

- Enviro-nuts, we may have finally found the individuals responsible for starting the trend of global warming and you can have your chance to berate these people…..if you can find a way to go back in time several thousand years. One of you must have your own eco-friendly, green time travel machine, so it shouldn’t be that difficult. According to a new study by researchers at the University of Virginia and the University of Maryland-Baltimore County, the blame game starts with ancient man, who may have started global warming through massive deforestation and burning that could have permanently altered the Earth's climate. If you’re like me, you picked up your copy of the scientific journal Quaternary Science Reviews as soon as it came out and read all about these interesting allegations. As the theory goes, early farmers spent thousands of years burning down mass quantities of forests to the point that that huge amounts of carbon dioxide were pumped into the atmosphere. In so doing, they may have caused the Earth to warm up and forever altered the climate. The chief accuser of these ancient farmers is lead study author William Ruddiman, a professor emeritus of environmental sciences at the University of Virginia and a climate scientist. “It seems like a common-sense idea that there weren't enough people around 5, 6, 7,000 years ago to have any significant impact on climate. But if you allow for the fact that those people, person by person, had something like 10 times as much of an effect or cleared 10 times as much land as people do today on average, that bumps up the effect of those earlier farmers considerably, and it does make them a factor in contributing to the rise of greenhouse gasses,” Ruddiman said. The so-called “slash and burn” tactics these farmers employed involved burning down a forest, digging holes between the smoldering stumps and planting seeds in those holes. Crops were planted until the nutrients were tapped out of the soil and the farmers would then move on to the next plot of land. For some odd reason, none of these guys stopped to consider all of the greenhouse gases they may have been releasing into the earth’s atmosphere (not even Al Gore’s ancestors). Thankfully there are brave souls out there willing to defend ancient Joe Caveman/Farmer from Ruddiman’s heinous accusations. Ken Caldeira, a climate scientist at the Carnegie Institution's Department of Global Ecology in Stanford, California, is among those who disagree with Ruddiman, saying Ruddiman is "exaggerating the importance of early man.” It’s a bit of a backhanded compliment, so to speak, but ancient man needs all the help he can get here. The dispute between the two camps seems to be at what point the phenomenon of global warming really got rolling, with most scholars arguing that it’s a much more recent trend. The belief is that global warming has only began building over the past 150 years, while Ruddiman's research argues that the Earth was on its way to another ice age 10,000 years ago and that ice sheets were already forming in northern latitudes when ancient man started his slashing and burning method of farming. Personally I say we give a break to ancient man and focus all of our blame where it belongs…..on the now-defunct W. administration……..

- This would be one of those situations where a person got exactly what they deserved and yet I still despise the person who administered the justice. Those of you who read this space regularly know exactly how I feel about the menace to our society that is country music - hate, loathing, despisal, desire to eradicate from the face of the Earth. As such, a person making the fatal error in judgment of attending a Kenny Chesney concert is deserving of many things - ridicule, flogging, a lobotomy, a brain transplant so they can have a shot at actual good taste in music. Oh, and that person would also deserve to have his or her camera ripped from them and the camera’s memory card removed if they attempted to film, er, take pictures of the concert. Susan Mazar is the music misfit in question, having attended a recent Kenny Chesney concert at Gillette Stadium in Foxboro, Massachusetts. She was in the front row, brandishing her Sony camera and allegedly taking pictures of the concert when Chesney walked down the stage to where Mazar was standing, grabbed her camera and tossed it on the stage. "(Chesney) was like a person in front of me and he reached down, grabs the camera, shuts it, goes down the walkway and throws it on the stage," Mazar said. She later got her camera back, but without the memory card. Mazar was extremely upset about the missing memory card, which she says was full of pictures of her family vacation. Normally I’d have major issues with some a-hole musician yanking someone’s camera from them under any circumstances, but my loathing of country music supercedes that tendency. Also, video cameras are on the list of banned items at Gillette Stadium. That’s right, Mazar’s camera was a digital video camera, not a still camera. Yes, video cameras can take still pictures, but how many people do you know who use digital video cameras for that purpose? Furthermore, I’ve seen a picture of the camera Mazar has and I have the same model of camera. It takes sh**ty still pictures, mostly because IT’S A VIDEO CAMERA! In other words, Mazar is lying through her teeth and so she basically deserved to lose her memory card. Next time, know the rules and if you’re going to illegally film a concert, er, take still pictures of a concert, be smart and a) don’t do it in the front row and b) hide your camera under a jacket, oversized shirt, etc. Either that or don’t abuse your ears and brain by taking them to a country music concert…….

- Some might consider the closure of 32 privately owned radio stations that dared to speak out against a government and a proposed law to punish "media crimes" as indicators that a regime is looking to silence dissent and rip freedom of speech from its people. The United States government and the Obama administration would seem to be among those people after voicing their fears Venezuelan Dictator/President Hugo Chavez is slowly repressing the rights of opposition groups and media, that according to a recent U.S. intelligence report. The report postulates that Chavez's government is "moving forcefully to silence critics" based on the decision to close down those stations, all of which have repeatedly voiced anti-Hugo sentiments. His history with the national media is sketchy at best, as my boy Hugo sparred with private television stations in 2002, accusing them of being complicit in his brief ouster. That hostility resurfaced in 2007, when Chavez was a driving force behind denying a license renewal in 2007 to one broadcaster he said cooperated with the opposition. However, those indiscretions pale in comparison to this newest act of oppression, which has drawn rapt international interest. Closing down 32 radio stations and two television broadcasters and pushing legislation that would create prison sentences for people who commit "media crimes" has the international community rightly concerned. "The media crimes bill is the most blatant example of the government's steady encroachment on media freedom in an effort to establish a media monopoly and stifle freedom of expression," said an unclassified U.S. intelligence report, dated August 3. As usual, Chavez government is trying to convince everyone that they are simply mistaken and misinformed in their criticisms and that there is nothing to worry about. Of course, those denials would be easier to accept if Chavez supporters weren’t busy attacking the studios of the Globovision television station, one of few remaining networks that gives a voice to the opposition. Normally I appreciate people lobbing tear gas and destroying property, but not in this case. Even the country’s legislature is lining up against the latest round of Chavez crimes. The National Assembly opposed the media crimes law so strongly that it was tabled for the time being. I don’t think the legislature buys the excuse that the law is needed or that the radio stations Chavez shut down were violating the law by operating with expired broadcasting concessions, failing to renew such licenses or illegally holding a concession. The National Assembly and I aren’t alone, either; the United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization this month released a statement expressing concern about the closure of the radio stations. We’re on to your act, Hugo, so step your game up and try to rein in your dictatorial ways………

- How to describe my reaction to the 47th retirement/unretirement of the egotistical, self-centered, narcissistic blowhard that is Brett Favre…..hmm. Well, maybe I could go with outrage, since Favre has spent yet another season yo-yoing back and forth between retiring or returning, hijacking the NFL news cycle, jerking around yet another team - the Minnesota Vikings - and showing his true, selfish colors and massive ego one more time. But Favre has done several times too many and so I can’t really muster genuine outrage here, not for an over-the-hill, delusional has-been who is nowhere near the elite player he used to be. How about excitement for the prospect of a future hall of famer coming back to play for a team that has a legitimate shot to contend for Super Bowl berth? No, I hate this piece of sh*t too much for that. So what am I left with? The simple answer is complete, total and utter indifference and numbness. I don’t care if Favre plays or if he doesn’t play because that’s the only way I can tolerate his infuriating football existence. He waffles annually on whether he will return the following season or not. He is too lazy to go through a full training camp like his teammates and doesn’t seem the least bit bothered by not doing even 50 percent of the preseason work they do. He doesn’t give a damn if the fans hate him for his selfish act and has the arrogance to say that true fans will understand. Dude allegedly didn’t even bother to learn his receivers’ names with the New York Jets last season and didn’t even dress in the same locker room as everyone else because he’s just that special. See, if I ponder these things too long I become irate and want to go find Favre and punch him in the face - repeatedly. Plus, the Vikings aren’t winning the Super Bow this season anyhow, so why spend any more time thinking about them and their over-the-hill, egomaniacal new quarterback……….

 

- Right about now, I wish I lived in Durham, N.C. No, I’m not a big fan of coach Mike Krzyzewski and his Duke basketball team - in fact, I hate Duke. The reason I wish I lived in Durham is so I could go mano a mano with a group of idiot locals who think that they are going to shut down people who would speed in their neighborhood by posting moronic signs threatening those speeders with the possibility of being shot by a paintball gun. This group of tools, which calls itself Angry Neighbors With Paintball Guns, posted signs at locations throughout the city, warning motorists to slow down or risk being shot at with a paintball gun. "We received top story coverage on local television news, more than half a dozen requests for interviews from local media outlets, and generated hundreds of comments on blogs, media Web sites and Facebook," said one group member, who declined to give his or her name. "We clearly touched a nerve in the city of Durham.” No, ass hat, you didn’t. People think you’re a bunch of freaking tools who are doing something so stupid that stopping and taking a moment to laugh and marvel at your act it apropos. Not only that, your group won't even say if the signs are meant to serve only as an attention-grabber or if it plans to shoot paintballs at vehicles. Perhaps that’s because you idiots know that actually following through on your threat would be a crime and make you no better than the traffic offenders you seem to hate so much. "The Durham Police Department enforces traffic laws, and we plan to continue to be responsive to traffic concerns from residents throughout the city," said Kammie Michael, a Durham police spokeswoman. Michael correctly points out that not only would shooting a vehicle with a paintball be a crime, it could also be a distraction for some drivers and make the problem worse - i.e. cause an accident. How great would that make you feel, Angry Neighbors With Paintball Guns, if someone was speeding through your neighborhood, you shot them with your paintball gun and that distraction caused them to lose control of their vehicle, drive up onto the sidewalk and kill someone? You people are Grade A a-holes and I’m sincerely considering a move to Durham simply so I can speed in your neighborhood every single day of the week…….

 

- If you’re like me and have been extremely worried of late about the financial well-being of Steven Spielberg, worry no longer. On Monday, Steven Spielberg and partner Stacey Snider struck a deal that will provide financing for DreamWorks Studios' partnership with one of India's richest men. The agreement between DreamWorks and Anil Ambani, chairman of India's Reliance BIG Entertainment will allow Spielberg’s studio to get back to making movies. Also in on the contract are Walt Disney Co. and loans made by a syndicate of banks, with the total cash infusion coming to $875 million. Under the terms of the deal, Disney will distribute and market about six DreamWorks Studios films around the world each year, with the exception of India, where Reliance will have rights. The reason Spielberg and Snider found themselves in this position is that last year, Spielberg severed ties with Paramount Pictures and began rebuilding DreamWorks into an independent studio. A ballsy move to be sure, but for someone with the industry credibility and legacy this guy has, not as a big of a risk as it would otherwise be. Observers have labeled the deal as "Hollywood meets Bollywood," but Spielberg and partner Stacey Snider will retain creative control over productions. “This will allow us to move ahead quickly into production with our first group of films," Snider and Spielberg said in a statement. In other words, it gives us money to make movies. Reliance BIG Entertainment should also benefit from the association with an established name like DreamWorks, so Ambani is getting a pretty sweet deal as well. “Our partnership with Stacey and Steven is the cornerstone of our Hollywood strategy as we grow our film interests across the globe," Ambani said. "Given our faith in the business plan that they presented to us and despite the current economic climate, we were always confident that this day would come.” This isn't Ambani’s first connection with Hollywood, as he’s also inked development deals with several other Hollywood production companies this year, including those owned by Nicolas Cage, Tom Hanks, George Clooney and Jim Carrey. His company’s ownership of hundreds of theater screens across South Asia should allow DreamWorks to extend its reach into new markets. And lastly, this deal would not have been complete without a freaking cornucopia of banking giants, including Bank of America, City National Bank, Wells Fargo, Comerica, Union Bank of California, SunTrust, California Bank & Trust and Israel Discount Bank. Yes, Israel Discount Bank. If nothing else, they’ll help keep this operation kosher…..just kidding. The first movie to go into production from this partnership will be "Harvey," an adaptation of a Pulitzer-winning play by playwright Mary Chase. It will actually be a remake of a movie, starring Jimmy Stewart, that was made in 1950. In other words, Steve Spielberg may be involved, but even he can’t escape the Hollywood trend of constantly recycling old ideas instead of coming up with new ones…….

 

- Great news everyone! We are now one giant step closer to developing a fully artificial tongue. For those of you who have been lagging behind in your scientific research in the area of tasting sweetness in food and drinks fantasy leagues, this could be your chance to catch up. Thanks to a handheld device the size of a business card that can be used to "taste" the sweetness in food and drinks, the artificial tongue could become a reality sooner rather than later. Thanks to scientists at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, this new device now exists. Researches explain that when the device is dipped into a food or drink, a series of color-coded dots reveals what type of sweetener is present. "It's very much the same process that's involved in litmus paper," lead researcher Kenneth Suslick stated. The sensor is sophisticated enough to distinguish among 14 kinds of sweeteners, from natural sugars to artificial products such as Splenda. Possible applications for the device, other than the aforementioned artificial tongue, could include use by the food-service industry in developing testing methods that are less expensive and time-consuming than taste-testing or laboratory work. With the expediency of the new sensors - they are able to produce a result in two minutes - the time needed to do testing will be cut by some 93 percent. “As far as real-world applications at this point, it would be more of a quality-control device," said researcher Christopher Musto, who presented the device this week to the national convention of the American Chemical Society. Now the challenge ahead of these researchers is to see if they can find a way to use this technology to measure the four other types of taste that can be detected by the human tongue - salty, sour, bitter and umami (richness or meatiness). So 20 percent of the way to a fully-functional artificial tongue, 80 percent to go………

The Raiders punching it out, Honduras in chaos and how to get high off your money

- They may suck, they may have made the single biggest reach in April’s NFL draft and they might be headed for last place once again, but don’t you dare call the Oakland Raiders boring. Even though the silver and black might be a talent-deprived bunch of misfits, head coach Tom Cable doesn’t exactly appear to have his eyes on the prize. If he did, he would not (allegedly) be punching one of his assistants in the face on Aug. 6 and breaking that assistant coach’s jaw. "It's an internal issue, I'm not going to comment on that," Cable said on Monday, reading right out of the PR 101 for coaches handbook. The incident in question took pace at the team's training camp headquarters in Napa, Calif., where Cable went upside defensive assistant Randy Hanson’s head and busted his face. Initially, reports were only that Hanson was punched in the jaw by another member of the Raiders staff. It wasn’t until later on that word surfaced that it was Cable who hit the third-year assistant. From the time the incident happened, it basically played out like a bad domestic abuse scene. You know, the ones in which some wife-beater-wearing loser with drug and alcohol addictions beats his woman, busts up her face and sends her to the hospital only to have her double back when pressed by the police and refuse to tell them what happened or press charges against her abusive significant other. It happens over and over, the cycle of domestic violence, but here it was intra-office violence. When he was taken to the hospital, Hanson was adamant about not wanting to pursue the matter, but staff at Queen of the Valley Hospital alerted authorities. "The victim didn't even want any police action taken," Napa Police Lt. Brian McGovern said, "but we were following hospital policy that authorities be contacted in cases where there may have been an assault.” So the alkie, drug-addled husband/boyfriend, Cable, sucker punches his woman, in this case played by Hanson, and no one wants to press charges. To that end, Cable and Hanson both got what they wanted. McGovern said that the Napa Police consider the matter closed "unless we are re-contacted by the victim, and the victim changes their mind that they want us to follow through and pursue an investigation. At this point we're not doing anything else with it.” However, the story doesn’t end there. No, just as no domestic abuse tale is complete without the abused party making up some bogus story about what really happened to them - fell down the stairs, ran into a door, dropped something heavy while moving it - this story has a similar twist. Cable and the Raiders are spinning the story by saying that what actually happened was that the head coach flipped Hanson out of his chair while Hanson was seated, causing the assistant to fall out of the chair and smack his jaw on a nearby metal cabinet. Uh-huh, sure. If that’s the best lie, er, explanation you can come up with, save it. That being said, I doubt that anything more comes out of this and I also expect that Hanson won't be with the Raiders past this season, if that long. Then, Cable will have to find someone else to punch, er, flip out of their chair during a meeting……..

- Good to know that some things never change, like 90 percent of paper money circulating in U.S. cities still containing traces of cocaine. It has been reported for years that there were traces of the Colombian nose candy on our money and I for one took heart in that. Simply put, it’s nice to know that if I can’t make it to my friendly local drug dealer for a dime bag or eight ball of blow, I can at least get a small taste simply by reaching into my wallet. Also, it’s fun trying to imagine who has used the bills you currently possess to roll and snort the Bolivian marching power and where they’ve done so. Sure, most of the places a given bill travels - ATMs, coffee shops, convenience stores, newsstands, etc. - aren’t that exciting, but the chance that some random guy used that $20 to snort blow off the stomach of a stripper at a club somewhere makes things much more interesting. Fact is, bills average 20 months in circulation and each has its chance to find its way into something tawdry and illicit. “When I was a young kid, my mom told me the dirtiest thing in the world is money," said researcher, Yuegang Zuo, a professor of chemistry and biochemistry at the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth who authored the study. "Mom is always right.” Sadly enough, the amount of cocaine found on bills is not enough to get a good buzz. Those tend to be the bills not directly involved in drug use, bills that can get contaminated inside currency-counting machines at the bank. “When the machine gets contaminated, it transfers the cocaine to the other bank notes," Zuo said. In keeping with the stipulation that all scientific research “reveal” something that was already blatantly obvious, Zuo and his team also found that $5, $10, $20 and $50 bills were more likely to be positive for cocaine than $1 bills. No way, $1 bills tend to have less contact with the yayo? Well, I suppose that with inflation and what not, $1 isn't going to buy you much blow. The basic science of the Colombian nose candy sticking to money is that the coke binds to the green dye in money. Typically not enough of the drug adheres to the bill to allow you to get a good buzz, although previous studies have suggested that contaminated bills could cause in a false positive drug test if a person, such as a law enforcement officer or banker, handles contaminated currency repeatedly. In other words, look for one of those jobs if you are seeking to get a cheap, regular high without the hassle of having to finance and conceal a cocaine habit…..

- Gene Simmons is nothing if not a shrewd marketer and businessman who has found every conceivable way to turn his rock n’ roll fame into as much money as possible. The Kiss bassist and band leader has led his band into action figures, entertainment projects, clothing and anything else you can think of, so of course he and the self-proclaimed "hottest band in the land" want their part of the recent trend of old school rockers looking to make an extra buck by re-releasing old material combined with a handful of new songs to entice fans who already have all of their previous albums to buy the new offering. Following in the footsteps of Journey ("Revelation") and Foreigner ("Can't Slow Down"), Kiss will release "Sonic Boom," a three-disc set that mixes new songs, old material and video content all for the low, low price $12. Oh, and it will be available exclusively at Walmart properties starting on Oct. 6. Included in the package will be a full new album, Kiss' first since "Psycho Circus" in 1999. Simmons is already in full promotional mode, describing the 11-track set as "the best new record we've done since 'Destroyer.' It is 'Rock And Roll Over' meets 'Love Gun'...If you're a fan of our stuff from about 1977, you'll feel right at home.” The album is noteworthy in that it’s Kiss' first studio album with guitarist Tommy Thayer, and drummer Eric Singer's first since 1997's "Carnival of Souls: The Final Sessions.” Buy this package and you’ll also get a disc of Kiss greatest hits re-recorded by the original lineup and previously available in Japan, as well as a DVD filmed at a concert earlier this year in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Kiss will also channel an old school feel for the album cover, which was designed by artist Michael Doret, whose previous Kiss credit is 1976's "Rock and Roll Over.” And of course there will be a tour to promote the album, although there are currently only two scheduled dates: Sept. 25 at Detroit's Cobo Hall and a Halloween show at the Voodoo Experience festival in New Orleans City Park. As for the track listing on the album, it includes: 
Sonic Boom (new album):
"Modern Day Delilah,"
"Russian Roulette,"
"Never Enough,"
"Yes I KNow (Nobody's Perfect),"
"Stand,"
"Hot and Cold,"
"All For The Glory,"
"Danger Us,"
"I'm An Animal,"
"When Lightning Strikes," and “Say Yeah.” On Kiss Klassics (remakes):

"Deuce,"
"Detroit Rock City,"
"Shout It Out Loud,"
"Hotter Than Hell,"
"Calling Dr. Love,"
"Love Gun,"
"I Was Made For Lovin' You,"
"Heaven's On Fire,"
"Lick It Up,"
"I Love It Loud,"
"Forever,"
"Christine Sixteen,"
"Do You Love Me,"
"Black Diamond,"
"Rock And Roll All Nite." For the
 Kiss: Live in Buenos Aires DVD: "Deuce,"
"Hotter Than Hell,"
"C'mon And Love Me,"
"Watchin' You,"
"100,000 Years,” and
"Rock And Roll All Nite.” Don’t count on me to buy this release, but I’m sure some of you will and so hopefully it’s halfway decent……..

- Way to lower the bar of expectations and try to diffuse the shame of your failure before it happens, coup-installed government of Honduras. With an international delegation arriving Monday to investigate allegations of human rights abuses, the bogus Honduran government went on the record as saying that it expects a biased assessment from the panel because it is a branch of the Organization of American States, which has condemned the June 28 coup and is demanding Zelaya's reinstatement. Never mind that the delegation from the Inter-American Commission of Human Rights isn't there to approve or condemn the current regime’s legitimacy, the government needs to be on its guard and looking to paint itself in as favorable a light as possible, the truth be damned. Interim Deputy Foreign Minister Martha Alvarado was the one chosen to get out in front of this and attempt to portray the visiting delegation as bad people with an agenda before they even set foot on Honduran soil. “We must be very careful not to have great expectation of their reports," Alvarado said. “We have great reservations.” Well done, Minister. I smell bitterness with a hint of resentment, mixed in with a bogus attempt to make your regime appear like innocent victims at the mercy of the big, mean foreign dignitaries. And just what will this delegation be doing while in Honduras that’s so terrible? Well, they’ve already met with members of the Supreme Court and will spend a week meeting with other officials and civic organizations. This is not to be confused with the much-debated delegation of foreign ministers from Western Hemisphere countries that the OAS also plans to send a later this week in a bid to revive negotiations to end the country’s political crisis. In the meantime, the interim government is busy doing its douche-baggish best, arresting more than 100 pro-Zelaya protesters and throwing down “intimidating” warnings that it will no longer tolerate street blockades and other public protests. Of those arrested so far, two dozen were charged with sedition and damage to public property after violent protests - or as I call it, good, quality rioting. So let’s see, what else is on the checklist of things to do as a brutal, repressive, heinous, illegitimate regime in power by military force? Oh, how’s about silencing the voices of those who oppose you? Well, the interim government has already done that by shutting down pro-Zelaya television and radio stations, so check that off the list. Thankfully the people aren’t lying down and taking the government’s abuses of power without a fight. More than 2,000 Zelaya supporters took to the streets Monday, marching through the capital with the ousted president's wife Xiomara Castro in the lead. "The people will keep demonstrating. Hondurans have woken up," Castro said. Interim President Roberto Micheletti continues to insist that Congress legally removed the president from office for defying court orders that he drop efforts to change Honduras' constitution. In a futile attempt to soothe tensions with the United States, a delegation from the Micheletti government traveled to Washington on Monday, the second such trip by Honduran officials in a week. Micheletti insists that his government wants to prove the legitimacy of its actions and rule over Honduras to OAS members who are currently opposing it. Lots of success with that, R. Something tells me you’ll be waiting a long time for that………

- Have you been looking for that one conversation piece to really complete your property, perhaps an antique, cast iron bridge with a 10-ton weight limit? If so, here’s a great deal for you. The town of Salisbury, N.H. is giving away its 116-year-old iron bridge, but only if the acquiring party agrees to two conditions. The first is that you have to show up and haul the bridge away yourself. The second condition is that you must agree not to cut it up and sell it for scrap. So what inspires a town to give away a significant landmark like this? Well, the Pingree Bridge was built in 1983 as a one-lane structure spanning the Blackwater River and its stands as the only passage to nearby farms. However, its 10-ton limit means that it can no longer bear the weight of certain vehicles, such as a fire truck. Because it can no longer meet the town’s needs, it must go. "The town is offering the bridge if someone will move it," said resident John Kepper, the town's unofficial historian. There were many in the town who would have liked to see the bridge renovated and brought up to date, but that became a pricey proposition. “We would have liked to have seen it repaired," said resident Dawn Platte. "Apparently, repairing it is going to be almost as costly as building a new one.” Taking the pragmatic, un-sentimental route, the town’s decision makers reluctantly agreed to replace the bridge with a new one. The state plans to start construction on the new bridge next year, and the town of Salisbury hopes to have the old one removed by spring. Just like the old Pingree Bridge when it was first built, this new structure will also be state-of-the-art. In between now and spring, the town must find someone willing to take the old bridge and give it a new home or else it will simply be torn out by the state to make way for the new bridge. The fact that the old bridge is one of only two of its type in New Hampshire could make it enticing, so if you have any interest, act quickly so as to not miss out on the chance of a lifetime. If you’re interested, contact the Salisbury Town Hall ASAP…......

"Dancing With the (D-List) Stars returns, Milwaukee's mayor takes a beating and a pro wrassler with HGH - shocker

- Here’s a true shocker: a current professional wrestler arrested on charges of possessing human growth hormone. You’d think that after former pro wrassler Chris Benoit had his life wrecked so completely by steroids that he suffered a terrible ‘roid rage bad enough to cause him to murder his wife and son and then kill himself that other wrestlers would think twice about putting any performance enhancers into their systems, but sadly and predictably that has not been the case. Not if current pro wrestler and 1996 Olympic gold medalist Kurt Angle is getting picked up on charges of possessing a human growth hormone in McKees Rocks, Pa. Police arrested Angle at about 7:50 a.m. Saturday in a Robinson Township strip mall parking lot, although the HGH wasn’t the reason they were called to the scene initially. No, that was because Angle’s girlfriend called after seeing him circling the parking lot staring at her as she sat in a coffee shop even though she had obtained a protection order about 1½ hours earlier after the two fought Friday night. When they did confront Angle, officers found the human growth hormone Hygetropin in his car and the wrestler told them he had a prescription for the drug. Angle was charged with violating the order of protection, harassment, possession of drugs and paraphernalia and driving with a suspended license. As a quick aside, why is it that every time some - especially celebrities and athletes - are picked up for doing something douche-baggish, they are almost always driving on a suspended license? Is a suspended license the gateway crime to more serious infractions in the same way that weed is a gateway drug to harder drugs? As for Angle’s excuse for driving around a strip mall parking lot early in the morning, he told officers he had not seen the woman and was looking for a hotel because he was barred from his home. Now I can't day for sure, but something tells me that this isn’t where Angle would have thought his life would be headed back when he was a two-time NCAA Division I wrestling champion at Clarion University or when he won the 220-pound championship at the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta. But in reality, you could have seen this coming. Last September, Angle faced a drunken driving charge in Moon Township outside Pittsburgh, a charge he ultimately was found not guilty of. Still, this guy looks to be on a downward spiral and I have my doubts as to whether he can pull out of it before disaster strikes……

- The only thing that could possibly be better than a raging wildfire destroying nearly 100,000 acres of prime southern California real estate is that raging wildfire being started by a bunch of potheads who allowed the cooking fire for their drug trafficking operation to get out of control. Yes, investigators say that the cause of a weeklong blaze that charred more than 85,000 acres in and around La Brea originated at an illegal marijuana camp believed to be run by a Mexican drug organization. After looking into the fire, the Santa Barbara County Sheriff's Narcotics Unit feels confident in those findings. Nothing better than a bunch of potheads stoking their cooking fire, looking to get their product ready for distribution and allowing things to spin out of control to the point that hundreds of people are forced out of their homes. Then again, you can’t be too hard on these stoners; for the past month, narcotics investigators have been scouring the area looking to stamp out hippie lettuce operations from the region’s remote and steep terrain. "It is also believed that the suspects are still within the San Rafael wilderness trying to leave the area on foot," officials said in a release. Meanwhile, they leave behind a massive inferno that some 2,000 firefighters are still fighting. As of Sunday afternoon, the blaze was 35 percent contained, but past SoCal wildfires would seem to indicate that wind and weather conditions could swing this thing back in the wrong direction quickly. So while I sincerely appreciate the work that weed-producing operations put in to bring their fantastic product to the world, I’m going to have to ask that all of the other pot businesses out there not follow the example of the guys responsible for this debacle………

- Call me cynical, but Milwaukee Mayor Tom Barrett either needs to learn how to fight or he needs to hire some better security (having security to begin with would be a good start). Barrett and his family attended the Wisconsin State Fair in West Allis on Saturday night and around 10:45 p.m. they decided to head home after a day of funnel cakes, elephant ears, Ferris wheels and visiting the livestock barn. As the Barrett family headed for their vehicle, the mayor heard a woman crying for help. Doing what most of us would like to think we’d do in a similar situation, Barrett responded by rushing to the woman’s aid. Of course, he didn’t exactly look to trade fisticuffs with the attacker. No, the mayor broke out his cell phone and began calling 911. When the attacker saw that, he turned his attention from the woman he had been beating on and charged at Barrett. Wielding a metal pipe, the man managed to inflict significant damage on the mayor and send him to the hospital for treatment. Thankfully Barrett was alert and speaking coherently when he arrived at the hospital and thanks to his efforts, the woman involved in the incident was not injured. Police were finally able to apprehend a suspect in the case late in the day on Sunday, so perhaps this story will have a semi-happy ending after all. Having said that, I’m going to have to advise Mayor Barrett to take a realistic view of his current state of proficiency when it comes to fighting and self-defense. I realize that doing battle when the other guy is rocking a lead pipe and all you have is a cell phone can be tough, but take a karate class or two, work on your self-defense tactics and at least you’ll be able to fend the guy off and disarm him before he sends you to the hospital. Other than that, props to coming to the aid of a damsel in distress, I’m sure that will be good for a tenth of a percentage point or two when the next mayoral election rolls around……

- Well this is certainly a welcome oddity at the box office. During the summer, when blockbusters tend to reign supreme regardless of how terrible they are based simply on the power of their marketing machine, having a low-budget and critically acclaimed movie with no stars and an unknown director snag the top spot in the earnings race is a sight for sore eyes. “District 9," the alien action fick directed by Neill Blomkamp, was shot in Johannesburg, South Africa, but managed to connect with American audiences in grossing $37 million. Perhaps some of those eyes were drawn to the movie because it was produced by Lord of the Rings director Peter Jackson and, but clearly there is some quality on the screen as well and I say that even as someone who is not a big fan of the sci-fi genre. Now we’ll have to see whether the initial buzz and the momentum from being the hot new film can carry through and keep “District 9” at or near the top for a few weeks. Finishing second was "G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra," which dropped 59 percent in its second weekend but still managed to come through with $22.5 million to put it on the verge of breaking the $100 million mark domestically by the end of the day today. Finishing third was a movie that everyone I have heard from seemed to hate, "The Time Traveler's Wife” Sure, Rachel McAdams is still hot and the ladies still love Eric Bana, but the movie’s oft-maligned premise was what seemed to turn a lot of people off. Nevertheless, “Time Traveler” snagged third place with $19.2 million in its debut weekend. Rounding out the top five were "Julie & Julia" (fourth $12.4 million) and "G-Force" (fifth with $6.9 million). Oh, and if you want proof that over-the-top, ubiquitous, smothering promotion of a bad movie can’t make it successful, look no further than "The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard," with Jeremy Piven and Co. earning a measly $5.4 million. It’s never a good sign when Japanese animation auteur Hayao Miyazaki is right on your heels with "Ponyo," a film that showed on only 927 screens, significantly less than “The Goods,” I’m guessing. One movie I had hoped to see fare better was the music comedy "Bandslam," which struggled in its opening weekend with only $2.3 million from more than 2,000 screens. One very interesting project that opened in only seven theaters was the Jimmy Page/The Edge/Jack White music documentary "It Might Get Loud" which grossed $101,000 from those seven theaters. It’s the one movie of the weekend that makes me wish I lived in a bigger media market so I could have seen it sooner……..

- Here we go again. Another round of D-list celebrities and has beens has been suckered into taking part in the newest edition of ABC’s Dancing With the (D-List) Stars. This group of misfits and attention whores includes former Dallas Cowboys receiver Michael Irvin, past-his-prime mixed martial artist Chuck Liddell, Olympic swimmer Natalie Coughlin, professional snowboarder Louie Vito, crappy singers like Mya, Macy Gray and Aaron Carter; irrelevant actresses Ashley Hamilton, Melissa Joan Hart and Debi Mazar; models Joanna Krupa and Kathy Ireland; reality stars Mark Dacascos and Kelly Osbourne; entertainer Donny Osmond; and former Republican Majority Leader Tom DeLay. Yes, that might be the single biggest collection of rejects, people who have outlived their 15 minutes of fame and no-talent hacks that reality television has ever seen, which is certainly saying something. This train wreck will officially leave the tracks on Sept. 21, so there is still time to write letters of protest, build a bomb shelter, sell your television or kidnap one or more of these losers so as to keep this nightmare from becoming a reality. Should we fail in our mission to keep it from happening, just know that Sept. 21 will be a day to forget in the history of this country and a day to avoid your television in prime time…….

The fulfillment of a reality TV nightmare, Riot Watch! in Mexico and setting yourself on fire at the mall

- When a woman sets herself on fire at a large shopping mall, you ask yourself several questions: What method did she use to torch herself, a lighter, a match or one of those irritating instant torch thingies that never, ever work right the first time? Did she think ahead to wear a flammable material so as to make the fire burn quickly and intensely? And oh yeah, why the f**k would anyone set themselves on fire anywhere, let alone in a crowded, public place? Those questions remain to be answered after Cecilia Casals of North Miami Beach set herself on fire at the Mall of the Americas in Miami on Thursday. To say this chick has a troubled past would be the ultimate understatement; according to documents released by the Miami-Dade State Attorney's Office show, Casals was charged in February 2004 with attempted murder after trying to kill her boyfriend when she learned he had a wife in Cuba. Casals and her boyfriend were riding in a car in Hialeah when she pulled a knife from her purse, placed it on her boyfriend's neck and slashed him. He tried to defend himself, suffered cuts on his hands for his troubles and ultimately leapt from the car to run for help. It was at that point Casals attempted to run him over with the car, missing but doing some serious landscape damage in the effort. In other words, she’s slightly volatile and has a bit of an anger problem. She also has quite the criminal background, having been placed on two years' probation in April 2008 after a conviction for felony drug trafficking. That conviction came after Casals signed for a shipment containing more than $250,000 in prescription drugs. Oh, and there are answers for some of those questions I asked earlier. It seems that Casals walked into Savage Boutique at about 3 p.m. drenched in gasoline, lit herself on fire, then walked around engulfed in flames as shocked shoppers watched. Casals’ husband admitted that he didn’t know why she lit herself on fire, but the couple’s oldest daughter worked at Savage Boutique. Also, not everyone simply stood around watching her burn; three people were injured trying to rescue her. John Torres was one of those good Samaritans and he actually injured his hand as he broke open a glass case to grab the fire extinguisher. “It looked like a big fireball," said Torres. "I know she lost all her clothing.” In the aftermath of this bizarre incident, fire and police officials forced the mall to shut down for the remainder of the day. After the fire was out, Casals walked out of the mall and into the parking lot where firefighters found her with third-degree burns on more than 75 percent of her body. Still, no one knows exactly what caused her to do what she did, although she clearly sounds like a person in need of major psychological help…….

- Philadelphia fans are angry. That’s nothing new; these are people who have booed Santa Claus, booed Hall of Fame third baseman and baseball legend Mike Schmidt and cheered when Hall of Fame wide receiver and opposing player Michael Irvin lay motionless on the field after a devastating neck injury. However, this is a new kind of outrage, even for Philly fan. The vitriol being poured out by football fan and non-football fan alike is amazing in spite of the fact that we all knew and accepted the fact that there would be a major backlash for any team signing Michael Vick. A guy operates a dogfighting ring, kills dogs, goes to jail for two years and lies about it all along the way until he’s caught and there are bound to be a lot of groups and individuals angry at him. Animal rights groups were a given to protest and speak out against Vick whenever and wherever he signed, so the Philadelphia Eagles inking Vick to a two-year contract on Thursday merely provided a setting for the chaos. That chaos has included those animal rights activists buying billboards along the road leading to the Eagles’ stadium, Lincoln Financial Field, standing along the sides of the road near the stadium and the team’s training camp holding signs and giving countless TV interviews filled with as much vitriol as they can stuff into every answer. Newspapers chipped in with overreactive, hateful headlines like, “Hide Your Dogs,” helping to fan the flames of outrage. For everyone who is angry…..I get it. Like most of you, I love dogs and couldn’t bear to watch even two seconds of footage from an actual dog fight. Anyone who participates in such an enterprise is a certifiable scumbag and should go to jail, which Vick did. However, he served his time in prison and I think it was reasonably close to the length of time he should have been there. Would I have liked to see him behind bars for a couple more years? Sure, but now that he’s out, if an NFL team wants to sign him and allow him to play for them, that’s their choice. People have every right to hire a convicted criminal to work for them if they choose. This isn’t a day car center hiring a convicted child molester to work for them, which would obviously be completely wrong. This is a football team hiring a former dogfighting ring operator to play football, period. If Philly fans want to stop supporting their team because of this one signing, that is their choice just as it’s the team’s choice to sign Vick. Everyone has the right to decide how to act here, but those who are speaking out loudest against this signing seem to think that the Eagles don’t have that right……

- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Of late, I’ve come to enjoy the prison editions of Riot Watch! the most. After all, it’s society’s outcasts turning their rage on one another and as long as prison authorities are smart and simply allow the convicts to riot in a sealed-off area until they’ve destroyed or burned everything in that area, no one but the cons gets hurt. For example, look at Friday’s two-hour prison riot in the northern Mexico state of Durango, where nineteen inmates were killed and dozens more were injured. Things got so out of hand that state and federal security forces were called in to quell the violence at the prison in Gomez Palacio town. If you have access to Mexican television (and who doesn’t?), you got to see footage of officers wearing bulletproof vests, storming the prison while crowds gathered outside. As any good inmate would do, some of the rioting cons threw sticks at the officers as they took a moment from burning things and beating on one another to shake their proverbial fists of rage at The Man. Of course, when it’s you throwing sticks versus officers armed with machine guns, the odds for the battle tend not to be in your favor. However, the bottom line here for riot lovers like me is that buildings and property were burned, things were destroyed and I got to see all the riot-y goodness. In the end, authorities regained control of the prison and the injured inmates were taken for treatment. Big ups to everyone who was a part of this great event, I hope to see you all rioting again very soon……..

- Very freaking magnanimous of you, China! Allowing individual computer users in China to choose whether to install a controversial content filtering system is very big of you. After threatening to force computer companies to install its Green Dam-Youth Escort software on every computer sold in China, the government is backpedaling by saying that while the system will be installed on computers in any public place, individual users can choose whether or not to voluntarily submit to censorship. Thanks to China's minister of Industry and Information Technology, Minister Li Yizhong, for that announcement. The government would have everyone believe that the software is solely to protect young online users from pornography. While I don’t doubt that taking an anti-porn stance is something the Chinese government is all for, don’t tell me that filtering out anything that might inspire even the slightest anti-government, anti-Communist sentiment in its citizens isn’t the primary aim. Minister Li Yizhong also said that his ministry was still working to upgrade the Green Dam software. "Installation is intended to block violent and pornographic content on the Internet to protect children," Li lied. "Any move to politicize the issue or to attack China's Internet management system is irresponsible and not in line with reality.” Perhaps the revised stance on this issue had something to do with the fact that businesses and computer users complained that the software left computers open to cyber attacks. Even if this is a relatively hollow and forced gesture, I would be remiss if I didn’t thank those who helped bring it about. That would include the multiple trade groups who sent a letter directly to Premier Wen Jiabao just over a month ago. It would not include Jinhui Computer System Engineering Co., which produced Green Dam and “coincidentally” happens to have ties to China's military and security ministry. What I love about that angle is that Jinhui officials allegedly received thousands of angry calls after the announcement that it’s software would be mandatory in China and among those calls were dozens of death threats. Nice work, China, phoning in death threats to resolve a problem is always cool in my book! Really, there are no losers in this situation. Everyone wins because at the very worst, you’ve gotten plenty of entertainment out of watching the Chinese government make an ass out of itself yet again, good times………

- We have a blight on our society, America, and her name is Megan Hauserman. If you’re sitting there asking yourself who the hell Megan Hauserman is, allow me to fill you in. She is the personification of a nightmare scenario that has been building for some time now, ever since the advent of reality television. In short, a bunch of no-talent attention whores who are also aspiring actors with no useful skills in the real word come a flockin’ any time a reality show holds auditions. You have enough of those shows, which America certainly has by this point, and you’re going to end up with someone like Megan Hauserman. Hauserman, a vapid, ditzy, empty-headed blond skank with no discernable soul, has appeared on not one, not two, but five freaking low-rent, low-class reality shows. She started out on the bottom tier as one of the hollow-headed tramps on the CW’s Beauty and the Geek. Building on the momentum of that major career achievement, she springboarded into not one, but two reality dating shows based on aging, has-been rocker Bret Michaels of Poison fame: Rock of Love and Rock of Love: Charm School. But just to prove the versatility of her vapidity, Hauserman ventured outside of the reality dating arena to take part in some network’s (don’t know, don’t care to look it up) reality soul-selling competition I Love Money. After stringing together those four shows, VH1 was clearly convinced that Megan Hauserman had what it took to front her own bottom-scraping, IQ-deprived reality series and so they handed her Megan Wants a Millionaire, a show currently running and in which this blond bimbo gets to pick from rich guys of various ages and professions in the alleged hopes of finding the love of her life. Right, because finding love on reality TV wasn’t enough of a farce as it was, let’s add that further bastardizing factor of making that love match based on money. Nothing screams true love quite like finding your soul mate on a reality show for which he was selected based solely on the size of his bank account. I don’t say this often, America, but if you watch this show for even a single second, I will hear about it, I will come and find you and I will beat you with a rusty garden hoe until you are dead, dead, dead………

Drama with Drake, unusual policies in India and one man's crusade against FAT

- Interesting strategy you’ve got going on to keep your population from growing too rapidly, India. When World Population Day rolled around this year, India's new health and welfare minister offered up a new idea on how to slow his country’s out-of-hand population growth: Bring electricity to every Indian village so people will spend their time and energy watching TV instead of having sex. The reaction to that concept was mixed and curious to say the least, with many people taking the same stance as 80-plus years old Omar Mohammed. "Now you see I have 24 children, 13 boys and 11 girls," Omar explained, adding that he believes only God can decide how many children you should have. “This is His command. It's not my doing, it's His doing.” Other Indians have a more open mind when it comes to population issues and finding ways to curb its growth in the world’s second-most populous country. The Indian government has been encouraging families to have only two children for years now, but family planning and free contraceptive programs haven’t made much of a difference. Basically, unless a country enacts and enforces militant population controls like the Communists in China, people are going to keep having as many kids as they want. Still, overall government statistics for India show the birth rate is coming down. At present, 40 percent (14 of 35) states have reached the two child per family target. States where the population growth rate has continued to soar are states filled with mostly poor and illiterate individuals who just can’t seem to do much else besides getting knocked up and having kids they can’t afford to support (just like America!). The government worries about the strain that burgeoning populations will place on already sparse supplies of natural resources in these areas. Those worries seem fairly rational given the fact that the United Nations’ statistics show that India is home to 50 percent of the world's poor and is projected to overtake China as the most populous country on earth sometime in the next 50 years. So can that trend be reversed simply by giving people access to television? I’m going with no, but maybe I’m just being cynical. You might seem people become fatter and lazier, perhaps even spawn your country’s own slate of crappy reality TV, but don’t expect access to television to help curb population growth…….

- Considering that I’ve never listed to an entire song from Drake, I have to admit that there appears to be such a heated battle to see who signs this guy to a record deal. Earlier this summer, it was reported that the Toronto-raised rapper was likely to sign with Universal Motown. Yet it was announced this week that Drake had signed with Aspire, a company co-run by his manager, Cortez Bryant, with distribution through another Universal label -- Universal Republic -- through Young Money/Cash Money. And if that sounds at all confusing, that’s because it is. Of course, there are more twists to the story. Motown seems to have changed its mind and reps at the label are requesting all Drake Billboard chart entries be credited to Motown and not Republic moving forward. “I went through Universal Republic because I don't fuck with Motown, at all," Drake said recently. He doesn’t seem to have much love for Motown, and by not much, I mean he hates them. He uses one of his faux hip-hop songs, "Say What's Real" off his "So Far Gone" mixtape, to rip Motown president Sylvia Rhone. “I've always been something that these labels can't buy / especially if they trying to take a piece of my soul / and Sylvia be telling 'Tez, 'Damn, Drake fly' / and he just be like, 'silly motherfucker, I know,” the oh, so cleverly crafted lyrics declare. His anger is going to be a curious piece of the puzzle now that he is signed to Republic and Motown will distribute his album. One explanation for this mess could be that Drake's deal with Republic was never finalized before he and his crew began publicizing it, which is what one source at Universal said. There is also speculation that Motown gets first dibs on any artist signed to Young Money and Cash Money regardless of the artist's preference. As for the animosity between Drake and Rhone, word is that the two had an extremely contentious encounter a couple of years ago in which Drake auditioned at Motown's New York headquarters for Rhone and she turned him down flat. Now, he’s linked up with Lil Wayne and is set to release his debut album, "Thank Me Later," later this year. All of this for an artist I absolutely can’t stand based on the limited samples of his work I’ve heard and think is basically the latest in a line of hip-pop, faux rappers trying to craft a rapper’s image despite being mainstream pop…………

- The aftermath of that ugly scene at Wrigley Field on Wednesday night is proving to be exactly what I thought it would be. Philadelphia Phillies center fielder Shane Victorino ranged back on a fly ball to center field, caught the ball and had a beer dumped on him by some idiot sitting in the outfield bleachers. Stadium security came onto the scene quickly searched for the offending party and once they thought they had their man, they tossed him out of the stadium. The past couple of days, more details have come out about the incident and as predicted, this was a thoroughly ridiculous and idiotic act by a moron. First, the fan who was ejected from the game turned out not to be the guy who threw the beer in the first place. Yet the real perpetrator was found out and finally decided to turn himself in. Believe it or not, he describes himself as a diehard, lifelong Cubs fan. Johnny Macchione is now being investigated for simply battery after Victorino and the Chicago Cubs both filed complaints with the Chicago Police Department over the beer-throwing incident. "That really ticked me off, to be honest with you," Cubs general manager Jim Hendry said Thursday. "There's no place for it. The Phillies are a good ballclub, and Shane's an outstanding player. It wouldn't matter who it is. "You're risking a very dangerous thing here, if the beer splatters in his face and he misjudges that ball and it hits him in the head and broke his nose.” As much as I hate agreeing with The Man, Hendry is right. Of all the things fans are entitled to do when they buy a ticket and go to a game, throwing beer on anyone - players or fellow fans - is not one of them. You can talk smack to that player all game long, try to get under his skin and be a totally obnoxious a-hole if you want (just don’t spray non-stop profanities), but do not throw things onto the field. No one thinks you’re cool or fresh if you do so and you’re not helping your team win or showing how much of a fan you are. What you’re showing is that you are a drunken idiot who either a) got so hammered that you thought throwing an $8 beer at a player was a good idea or b) have so little class that you elected to throw said beer without actually being inebriated. Either way, you are a piece of crap and no one - and I mean no one - likes you…….

- Dare to stand up for something worthwhile and expect to have the world come looking to attack you and tear you down. But while the world loads up on the tar, feathers and pitchforks to attack Dr. Jason Newsom of Pensacola, Fla., I’m rushing to stand by his side in a fight against some of the biggest menaces this country faces. Those menaces would be none other than burgers, French fries, fried chicken and doughnuts. Newsom, a former Army doctor who served in Iraq, returned home to Panama City a few years ago to run the Bay County Health Department and wasted no time in waging his war against the fatty foods turning America into the punchline of every FAT joke around the world. To drive his point home, Newsom used an electronic sign outside the health center to post sarcastic, anti-fatty food messages like, “Hamburger Spare Tire” and “French Fries Thunder Thighs.” He even singled out KFC in an effort to convince people to reconsider their choice to down fried chicken. His early efforts surely didn’t win him many fans, but it wasn’t until Newsom attacked doughnuts that he found himself in serious trouble. Working off of Dunkin’ Donuts slogan, “America Runs on Dunkin,” Newsom fired back with: "America Dies on Dunkin.” It was that message that sent him afoul of some of the power players in town, undoubtedly FAT people who enjoy making other people FAT with their FATty foods. Those people would include a county commissioner who owns a doughnut shop and two lawyers who own a new Dunkin' Donuts on Panama City Beach. Showing why people hate lawyers, these two legal eagles threatened to sue and were able to back down Newsom’s bosses at the Florida Health Department to the point that they made him remove the anti-doughnut messages and eventually forced him to resign, he says. "I picked on doughnuts because those things are ubiquitous in this county. Everywhere I went, there were two dozen doughnuts on the back table. At church, there were always doughnuts on the back table at Sunday school. It is social expectation thing," Newsom said. He could not be more right and doughnuts are absolutely an inescapable menace that churches and other gathering places put out far too often as a snack for people who would be much better served by a nice plate of veggies. Yet when Newsome had the kahones to ban doughnuts from department meetings at the health center and announcing he would throw them away if he saw them in the break room, employees lashed back. They became even more irate when Newsome removed candy bars from the vending machines and put in peanuts instead. There are a lot of problems in this case…..but none of them are Newsom’s fault. It’s not his fault that people can’t appreciate clever slogan parodies like "Doughnuts Diabetes," and "Dunkin' Donuts Death." It is also not his fault that people in America, specifically in his corner of the country, are too often FAT slobs (1 in 4 people in Newsom’s county are considered clinically obese and 39 percent are considered overweight). None of that stopped his bosses at the state Health Department from informing Newsom that he could be fired or resign. “I have never been known for my subtlety. I don't have a knack for it. I speak the truth to people and just assume that that my data and purpose are so real and true that everyone will see the value of what I'm doing," Newsom declared. Thank you for fighting the good fight against FAT, doctor, I for one support you……

- Cries of a government foisting socialism on its people ring out. Now where does this situation sound like it would be happening? Your first guess might be right here in the good ol’ U.S. of A, where conservatives around the country have been crying socialism at nearly every action or step taken by the Obama administration regardless of the issue. That would be your first guess, but it would also be a wrong guess. Here are a few hints: lots of oil, crazy dictator who hates the U.S., warm climate…..yes, it’s Venezuela! Critics (i.e. people with an IQ above 40 and who aren’t government sycophants) are decrying the passage of a bill by Venezuelan legislators that will enact major changes to the country's education system. Those critics say the bill’s central aim is to indoctrinate students with a socialist agenda. I see that criticism….and I like it. Crying socialism is always a good way to alarm people and provoke outrage and in this case, it could very well be on point. Under the law, teaching will be based on ideas advanced by Simon Bolivar, a 19th-century independence advocate who advocated self-determination and Latin American unity. In response to the claims of imposing socialism on its students, the government countered that the law will improve education standards throughout the country. “This law is needed for many reasons ... the curriculum, the functioning of schools, the incorporation of the community,” Hector Navarro, the education minister, said. Blah, blah, blah. I’ve got one word for you, H. - SOCIALISM! I’m automatically siding with anyone opposing Hugo Chavez on any issue, so if the people standing against him on this matter are saying that teaching Bolivarian ideals in schools is an attempt by President Hugo Chavez to increase long-term support for his policies and implant socialism in the minds of students, I wholeheartedly concur with them. "They don't use the word 'socialism,' but that's what they want to introduce in our schools," Ray Gonzalez, a 59-year-old engineer, said of the legislators who passed the law. The law is so offensive that national assembly members opposed to the bill exited the assembly hours before the final vote in protest. “We decided to withdraw because they did not accept our proposals or recommendations,'' said Juan Jose Molina, a politician opposed to the bill. This comes even as more than dozen legislators have dropped their support for the president and his ruling Fifth Republic party because of Chavez’s increasingly authoritarian tendencies. So feel free to join in the chorus of people crying socialism, Venezuelans, unlike your American counterparts, you have every right to do so……..

Sheriff Roger helps out the U.S. legal system, a melancholy happy trails to a music legend and beware of blow darts in Delaware

- Leave it to Sheriff Roger to rectify what the actual legal system could not get right. After Cleveland Browns wide receiver Donte' Stallworth got drunk in South Beach, smoked some weed, climbed behind the wheel of his luxury sled, then struck and killed a pedestrian, the legal system whiffed on punishing Stallworth because a) he’s a rich, famous athlete and b) he paid off the family to keep them from pressing too hard in the case against him. Okay, so that may be over-simplifying things a bit, but the bottom line is that hitting another person with your car while high/inebriated should earn you more than a month behind bars followed by a few months of home confinement. Yet that’s what my man D. Stallworth received in the way of punishment and he walked out of the hole after that month looking to get on with his life. Sure, dude made the requisite stops on ESPN and other outlets to issue his words of contrition and remorse and said all of the right things, but he should still be sitting in jail right now and slated to remain their for another couple of years minimum. Thankfully the last man with a hammer in his hand is NFL commissioner Roger Goodell and we all know that Sheriff Roger isn’t afraid to use that hammer. After meeting with Stallworth and deliberating, the sheriff has reached a decision. Stallworth has been suspended without pay for the 2009 season for violating the NFL's personal conduct policy and its substance abuse policy, meaning he won't be reinstated until after the Super Bowl in February 2010. No, it’s not exactly doing hard time in an orange jumpsuit, but it’ll have to do. If you’d told Stallworth when he was arrested for striking and killing construction worker Mario Reyes with his BMW on March 14 that he would get a mere month in jail and a one-year unpaid suspension from the NFL, he would have been ecstatic. Who knew that the NFL commissioner packed a harder judicial punch than the legal system? In a letter to Stallworth made public Thursday, commissioner Roger Goodell said, "I believe that further consequences are necessary. There is no question that your actions had tragic consequences to an innocent man and his family, and that you have violated both the Substances of Abuse and Personal Conduct Policies. In that respect, you are clearly guilty of conduct detrimental to the integrity of and public confidence in the NFL.” Simple, direct and on point. What you have to love about this whole situation is that Michael Vick, a criminal in his own right, spent two years in prison for killing dogs and running a gambling operation, yet Stallworth takes a human life and he gets a punishment that is 1/24 of what Vick received. Nice value you’re placing on human life, U.S. legal system! Go ahead and get drunk at a swank Miami hotel bar, post a blood-alcohol level of .126, smoke some hippie lettuce and drive your car into a guy, killing him on the spot and you can spend just one month in jail. However, dare to get your gamble on and harm animals in the process, you go away for two years. Oh wait, Stallworth will also lose the remaining $745,000 on his contract with the Browns for 2009, so I’m sure that will really sting him as well. Thanks for nothing, legal system, and thanks for at least trying to administer some justice, Sheriff Roger…….

- Now here’s a guy who really wants to get ahead in the television business. Wallace Souza is the former host of a Brazilian police TV show called "Canal Livre" and authorities claim that in order to eliminate his competition and drive up ratings, Souza would order that criminal rivals be killed and then would have his camera crews arrive first on the scene. "In truth, they went as far as creating acts," said Thomas Augusto Vasconcelos, intelligence secretary for Amazonas state. "It's been determined that the crimes were committed in order to generate news for the program." Wow….not sure what to say to that. What makes this even more amazing is that Souza is a state legislator and also a drug trafficker, making him a legit triple threat of drugs, legislation and entertainment. As you’d expect, my man W. Souza is denying the allegations and claiming that the investigation is fundamentally flawed. “In all the investigations carried out by the public minister and the police, up to now they have not presented any technical evidence of any type," Souza’s attorney Francisco Balieiro said on Brazilian TV. The charges against Souza - forming a criminal gang, corrupting testimony, drug trafficking and illegal possession of firearms - are based on testimony by former Souza associate Moacir Jorge da Costa. Basically, this guy was arrested and flipped on his boy Souza so he could receive leniency from the authorities. Whether he’s lying or not, I don’t know. What I do know is that da Costa is telling some pretty heinous, amazing stories about the gang's reputed activities, including slayings. The alleged corruption is widespread, as the legislator's son, Raphael, belonged to the criminal gang and fifteen people connected with Souza, among them police officers and a chief, have also been arrested. What Balieiro is arguing is that police and public ministry officials did not have standing to investigate the TV show host because he is a legislator. It is because of his legislative immunity that Souza remains free right now, but don’t expect that to last. The only thing that prosecutor Pedro Bezerra is conceding is that he could not bring murder charges against Souza for lack of concrete evidence. He still believes that the TV personality/legislator is linked to as many as six slayings, but Souza has not been directly charged in any of them. And I’m actually selling him short by calling him a triple threat, because dude is actually a quadruple threat. He is also a former police officer who left the force more than 20 years ago after being implicated in a fuel theft case. His gigs do have a curious habit of ending in controversy, though. The police job that ceased after a fuel theft case, his TV show going off the air because of this current investigation…..dude appears to be something of a scumbag. Yet he received the most votes in the Amazonas state in the most recent elections to win his legislative seat. Souza fittingly lives in the jungle city of Manaus, the capital of Amazonas state, a region of Brazil known for its prevalent lawlessness. Perhaps never has an elected official so well represented his constituency……..

- A very melancholy happy trails to music legend Les Paul, who passed away Thursday at the age of 94. Paul, whose innovations with the electric guitar and studio technology made him a pillar in the music world, died in White Plains, New York, from complications of severe pneumonia. Among his creations were multitrack recording, tape delay and the solid-body guitar that bears his name, the Gibson Les Paul, a guitar that has become one of the iconic instruments in rock. What was truly amazing about Paul is that he was an excellent guitar player himself who continued playing at clubs into his 90s despite being hampered by arthritis. “The world has lost a truly innovative and exceptional human being today. I cannot imagine life without Les Paul," said Henry Juszkiewicz, Chairman and CEO of Gibson Guitar. "He would walk into a room and put a smile on anyone's face. His musical charm was extraordinary and his techniques unmatched anywhere in the world.” As with many celebrities, Les Paul’s real name was actually something other than what the public knew him by. He was born Lester William Polfuss in Waukesha, Wisconsin, on June 9, 1915. He had a habit of taking things apart and figuring out what made them work, even as a kid. "I had to build it, make it and perfect it," Paul said in 2002. He began his musical career in decidedly un-rock n’ roll fashion, playing with bandleader Fred Waring and several big band singers, including Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra and the Andrews Sisters, in the 1930s and '40. He also had his own group, the Les Paul Trio. By the 1950s, he was married and produced some major hits with his then-wife, Mary Ford, including "How High the Moon" and "Vaya Con Dios." One interesting note about his career is that in 1948, after being involved in a severe car accident, he asked the doctor to set his arm permanently in a guitar-playing position. Maybe that helped make him the success that he was, which would be kinda cool. All along the way, Paul never stopped playing with electronics and Crosby helped fuel his habit by presenting him with an early audiotape recorder. Paul modified it and the process eventually led to multitrack recording, which is now the industry standard. Still, the Gibson Les Paul is what most people will remember him for and with good reason. The guitar was a descendent of a solid-body guitar he built in the early 1940s -- "The Log" -- and ironically enough, the company he worked with on the first guitar wanted nothing to do with the new guitar for a decade. It wasn’t until rival Fender got in on the action that Gibson finally agreed to use the new model and it was introduced in the public in 1952. Since then, nearly every big-name rocker worth a thing has used the Gibson Les Paul, including Jimmy Page and Jimi Hendrix. Of course, Paul l is enshrined in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, the Grammy Hall of Fame, the Inventors Hall of Fame and the Songwriters Hall of Fame. “I learned a long time ago that one note can go a long way if it's the right one," he said of his craft, "and it will probably whip the guy with 20 notes.” Well said, L.P., you’ll be missed………..

- Beware of blow darts in Delaware. More specifically, be aware of some idiot running around popping people with blow darts and sending them to hospitals for treatment. Two more victims have been reported in the "blow dart attacks" in Delaware, one of whom is a 17-year-old boy hit in the hand on Route 40 in the town Bear on Monday. The next day, a woman was hit as she was jogging on Route 7, just north of Route 72. These two attacks were actually the first in a series of them but were reported only after more recent victims came forward to report their incidents. "This has to be one of the strangest incidents of late and in the years I've been a state trooper I've never seen anything like this. It almost seems like a scene from an Indiana Jones movie," said Cpl. Jeffrey Whitmarsh of Delaware State Police said. In addition to the two attacks, I just mentioned, other victims have been blow-darted under equally bizarre circumstances. One man was out for a bike ride and headed northbound on Route 7 when he felt a burning sensation in his leg. He looked down and to his amazement, saw a blow dart sticking out of his leg. The man rode to a nearby store, stopped and pulled out the dart, which measured about four inches in length. After news of that incident came out, Katie Shannon called police to report that she was shot in the back with a blow dart Monday night as she rode her bike in Wilmington. “A truck passes and I get this sting in my back, and it hurt enough for me to be like, "Ow!" Shannon said. Still, she kept going because she figured it was simply a piece of debris from the road. It wasn’t until a friend riding with her spotted the dart that Shannon realized what had happened. Despite getting a dart in her leg, she didn’t fully realize what had happened until she saw reports of other victims on the news. Of course, she’s now busy getting tested for HIV and tetanus because who the heck knows what could have been in that needle. “Next week I'm going to go in and get blood work. But that's what I'm scared about, not knowing," Shannon explained. Hopefully by then the cops will at least have some leads on a possible suspect, because at this point they have nothing. The only lead at this point is that the first two reported victims both saw a pickup truck drive by shortly after being shot. Based on the strength of those reports, good ol’ Cpl. Whitmarsh issued the ultimate obvious, speak-first-think-later statement, "Not everybody in a pickup truck is a suspect.” Really genius? Just because two people shot with blow darts saw a pickup truck drive by shortly after being shot doesn’t mean that everyone in a pickup truck is a suspect? Awesome police work, bro. The state of Delaware is in good hands with Mensas like you on patrol and I am certain that whoever is responsible will be caught verrrrry soon……..

- Times are tough for people across the United States and the football program at New Mexico State is no different. After the school’s board of regents informed athletic director McKinley Boston that he needed to trim $1.5 million from the department's budget, Boston went about informing various coaches throughout the athletic department that they needed to do their part. No one was exempt, not even the football program, which is the prime money maker and biggest pub-getter at any school that has a football program (well, except for perhaps Duke). To help the athletic department reduce its overall operations figure to about $17 million for the current academic year, first-year coach DeWayne Walker and his staff scoured their own budget to determine what cuts could be made. Ultimately, they arrived at a conclusion that their players could not be happy to hear: snacks would be cut. Yes, even having snacks for college football players seems a bit childish and out of place (before or after recess or in place of nap time?), but the reality is that with players practicing twice a day now in the intense summer heat, their bodies need fuel. The Aggies eat dinner as a team at 6 p.m., then sit through meetings until 9:30 p.m. Practices are earlier in the day and between sessions, a snack provides needed calories to fuel their work. Also, by day’s end their stomachs can be running close to empty and a snack before bed does the trick. "We practice so hard. We've got to get some extra stuff in the belly after dinner," running back Tonny Glynn said. "It's been really hot every day. We're losing weight from all the workouts." Offensive lineman Mike Grady agreed, saying, “Definitely, it helps to go to bed with something in your stomach.” So when coaches had to cut snack money to get their budget in line, where would that food come from? Well, this week Walker and his staff sent an email out to fans and boosters asking them to donate after-practice or late-night snacks for hungry players “It's a decision we had to make with regard to our meals," Walker said. "There are a lot of other areas where we have to make tough choices with how we're going to spend our money.” Fortunately for the Aggies, their fans have already responded in fine fashion with some quality grub for the team. Six donors rolled up on campus within a day to give the players food to munch on. “It's good stuff like trail mix or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches," linebacker Jamar Cotton said. "We had a guy bring in a bunch of watermelons. That was great. The team was excited. It was like little kids getting lollipops.” Oh, and for idiots who might view the team's request for snacks as juvenile (Now who would bring up something like that?), Walker has a message: “Everyone's taking cuts," he said. "I don't want anybody to read into it that we're the poorest program in the country. We're not. And we're not the only mid-level school that has to go through these kinds of issues.” So lay off the Aggies and if you’re in the Las Cruces area, see if there is a sale on Funjuns or cereal bars at the local Sam’s Club……..

Wounding egos at the Emmys, a brilliant town bans smoking on its beaches and Rick Pitino's bizarra saga

- What a truly bizarre story involving University of Louisville men’s basketball coach Rick Pitino. The genesis of the story is six years ago, when Pitino and a woman named Karen Cunagin Sypher had a bizarre sexual encounter in a Louisville-area restaurant after closing time. I don’t know if they hid out somewhere, say in a restroom, or if Pitino knew the restaurant’s owner and they worked something out. What I do know is that these two got after it and an administrative assistant for Pitino allegedly heard (but didn’t see) the encounter. That assistant claimed that what she heard sounded like two people having consensual sex and enjoying themselves. Two weeks later, Sypher came to Pitino and told him that she was pregnant, needed an abortion and didn’t have health insurance. He gave her $3,000 and that appeared to be the end of things - until last year. That’s when Sypher allegedly began trying to extort Pitino. She began pressing him for payoffs and gifts for herself and her children before ultimately settling on asking for a $10 million payoff. In an ironic twist, she had ended up married to Tom Sypher, an assistant coach under Pitino at Louisville and a good friend of the coach. She had her husband deliver her list of extortion demands in an unmarked envelope to Pitino, adding another weird twist to the tale. Oddly enough, Pitino elected not to pay the outrageous extortion demands and instead went to the police. Sure, that meant he had to face up to the affair and admit his mistakes to his wife, five children, the administration at UL, his team and fans, but compared to what Karen Sypher stood to lose, it wasn’t so bad. This week, Pitino faced the music publicly by holding a press conference and admitting his mistake. The university’s athletic director, Tom Jurich, and its president both expressed disappointment in Pitino’s actions but don’t appear to have any plans to discipline the coach. His toughest battle will likely be repairing his relationship with his family, which is a battle that will take a lot of time. Ultimately both Pitino and Karen Sypher made multiple mistakes, big mistakes, and neither one comes out of this looking anything other than dishonest, lacking in integrity and short on character. However, Sypher is the only one facing a federal extortion case and the likelihood of prison time. There are definitely no winners here and this is nothing other than a sad, bizarre story of adultery, lies and extortion…….

- Seaside Heights, N.J., you are my new favorite city. And no, this has nothing to do with the town’s party image that is so well-known that Seaside Heights has been the backdrop for setting from MTV's True Life to the 2006 film Beer League. No one loves a good party more than me, but it’s something that the town is banning that has me pumped up. In attempting to clean up their town’s image, borough officials last week approved an ordinance that bans smoking from nearly all of Seaside Heights’ beaches. The ordinance requires smokers to remain within 20 feet of the boards if they want to choke down their cancer sticks, but the rest of the beach has been designated as smoke-free. Thankfully the town listened to the non-losers, a.k.a. nonsmokers, when they complained that smokers on the beach were making life miserable for everyone. This new law has me pumped in a way that other new laws, including the ones Seaside Heights has enacted of late involving noise, illegal parking, and trash disposal, could not. One concern I have about this new law is that borough officials don’t seem to have much intention to strongly enforce the law. Borough Administrator John Camera said that although the smoking ban took effect immediately, it was unlikely police would do more than warn violators as the season winds down. All the town has done so far is to throw up some poles and signs to delineate where the smoking area ends and set up large receptacles for collecting spent cigarette and cigar butts. "We'll use the remaining weeks of this summer to figure out how we should proceed next year. This year, we're just going to educate the public about the new rule," Camera said. Next year is when the law will really begin to have some teeth. At that point, judges e could fine violators if they ventured outside the designated area. The exact amount of the fine would be up to the judge, but current beach fines range up to $1,250. This is a very good story, but as with all stories, it needs a villain and we have a great one here. Believe it or not, there are actually groups out there that are looking to fight for the “rights” of smoker losers. . "There are so many other, bigger issues in places like Seaside that politicians and town officials should be concerned about - like drinking on the beach and lewdness," said Audrey Silk, founder of the group Citizens Lobbying Against Smoker Harassment, based in New York. "Smokers are an easy target." Wrong, Audrey. There is no bigger menace on the beach or anywhere else than smokers. For example, you referenced drinking on the beach. Last time I checked, the guy on the next blanket downing a beer or even a fifth of Jack Daniels isn’t going to up my chances for lung cancer, but inhaling secondhand smoke will. Get your facts straight for one, and secondly you need to stop defending an indefensible, heinous group like smokers. Hopefully other towns considering a similar smoking ban - including Beach Haven, Ocean City, and Cape May - will follow Seaside Heights’ example and we can slowly but surely stamp out any remaining public places where smoking is allowed…….

- No one is more deserving of respect than the men and women who serve in the military and defend a country against all manner of threats and danger. However, not every single soldier who dons a uniform represents the ideals of integrity, bravery and honor. I can say that with confidence because of men like Pfc. Michael Jackson Apodaca, a U.S. soldier arrested in connection with the killing of a Mexican drug cartel member in El Paso, Texas. Apodaca allegedly worked as a hit man, according to court records, and he was one of three men arrested Monday in connection with the shooting death of the mid-level drug cartel member who also worked as an informant for the United States. Along with cohorts Ruben Rodriguez Dorado and Christopher Andrew Duran, Apodaca faces one count of capital murder in the death of Jose Daniel Gonzalez Galeana, who was shot multiple times in front of his home on May 15. Unfortunately for Apodaca, Duran and Rodriguez have already rolled on him and told police that Apodaca was paid to be the shooter. From there, detectives were able to use cell phone records and witness statements to corroborate those allegations. Basically, orders came down the chain of command within the cartel Gonzalez worked for because the cartel believed he was leaking information to authorities. Apodaca himself is not believed to be a member of the cartel, but that seems secondary here. What does matter is that the victim and one of the suspects, Rodriguez, were in the Juarez cartel. The organization is based across the border from El Paso, close enough to taunt American law enforcement but also just out of their reach. A review of the three suspects’ phone records showed their approximate locations on the night of the killing. Working from that pattern, detectives found that the suspects were tracking Gonzalez and followed him to the scene of the crime. While being interrogated, Rodriguez admitted to ordering Gonzalez's execution and paying his two co-conspirators for their roles in the killing. As for Apodaca….I know he hadn’t been in the Army that long - only since September 2008 - but clearly none of the messages he was given by his superiors in the 11th Air Defense Artillery Brigade at Fort Bliss in El Paso sunk in. Not only did he allegedly pull the trigger and kill a man, but court records show that Apodaca was arrested 10 days after Gonzalez's killing and charged with attempted theft of property, a second-degree felony. I’ve never been in the military and so I can't say for sure what new enlistees and soldiers are told, but I feel confident in saying that multiple felonies and murder-for-hire are things that go against what the U.S. Army stands for…..

- How do I know that America is way, way too FAT? When an inmate is able to smuggle a gun into prison by hiding it under one of his many rolls of FAT, then this country needs to lose some weight. That prisoner would be George Veras, a 500 lbs. inmate at the Harris County correctional facility who was able to sneak a gun past guards after tucking it under his flab. Veras was able to carry the unloaded 9mm pistol past several frisks and searches by wedging the gun between his fat folds after being arrested on August 2 for selling bootleg CD's out of the trunk of his SUV. Officers frisked him at the scene when he was apprehended, when he arrived at jail and then again when he was transferred to a different jail. The only way police discovered the gun was when Veras had finally had enough of making a mockery of them and showed prison guards the gun during a shower break. If you’re like me, you’re probably asking why a metal detector or wand didn’t pick up the gun on Veras’ person at some point. That would be because inmates in Harris County are not required to pass through metal detectors or submit to wand searches. Why that is, I don’t know. Perhaps the county doesn’t have the money to purchase the technology to conduct such searches, but maybe this story should convince them to bite the bullet and make those purchases. Either that or you need to establish a FAT squad among officers wherein those officers put on those latex gloves and carefully sort through every single roll of FAT on obese prisoners to ensure that they’re not smuggling anything illegal - guns, knives, incendiary devices, drugs - into prison. It surely wouldn’t be a glamorous job, but at least it would ensure that men like Veras could not enter the joint packing heat. As for Veras, he is being charged with possession of unlabeled recordings and possession of a firearm in a correctional facility, both third degree felonies, punishable by up to 10 years in jail. Not sure what sort of jail time he was looking at for selling those bootleg CD’s, but adding two felony charges to the ledger can’t be helpful to his cause…….

- Thank God, a disaster has been averted. No, no lives were in danger and no nuclear weapons were involved. What was involved were the bloated egos of Hollywood celebrities who would have been livid if the Television Academy had followed through with its plan to time-shift several awards at next month's Emmy Awards. Had the plan remained in place, eight of the 28 awards at this year’s Emmys would have been pre-recorded in an effort to save time and then reinserted as edited versions throughout the actual live, prime-time Emmys ceremony. As you all know, I love nothing more than these pompous, self-aggrandizing, self-congratulatory, pat-ourselves-on-the-back awards shows and the celebrities who are a part of them - just as long as by love, you mean hate with a burning passion. But thanks to an outpouring of rage from numerous writers and showrunners against the TV Academy, the plan has been scrapped and now all 28 awards will air live in what should be an excruciatingly and interminably long broadcast. The eight categories that were going to be "cut" were miniseries, made for television movie, TV movie/miniseries supporting actor and actress, TV movie/miniseries directing, TV movie/miniseries writing, drama series writing, and variety directing. “This decision was made to mend relationships within the television community and to allow executive producer Don Mischer to focus his full attention on producing the creative elements in the telecast," Academy Chairman-CEO John Shaffner said in a statement. "Our goal is to celebrate the year in television, honor excellence and this year's great achievements with the support of our industry colleagues and our telecast partner, CBS.” Way to wuss out, TV Academy. Don’t want to inadvertently wound anyone’s ego in Hollywood, right? For those of you looking to flush away 3+ hours of your life watching this self-serving lovefest, the 61st Primetime Emmys, hosted by Neil Patrick Harris, airs Sunday, Sept. 20 at 8/7c on CBS……tune in and watch all 28 awards live, woo-hoo………

The cost of rapping about your favorite team, benefits for annoyingly optimistic women and whether the Chevy Volt is as good as it sounds

- Tyrone Banks of Raleigh, N.C. is a bit-time Carolina Hurricanes fan. That in and of itself makes him a rare person in these here United States because let’s face it, hockey fans aren’t exactly in great supply. If they were, hockey wouldn’t be perpetually sliding down the list of America’s favorite sports, falling behind not only the three majors (MLB, NFL, NBA) but also golf, X-Games and non-sports that people think are sports like auto racing. So one the one hand you could argue that the Hurricanes should be thrilled that Banks not only cheers for their team, but that he was willing to go above and beyond the call of fandom and do something that 99.999 percent of fans would never do: write a song for his team. Banks, a hip-hop artist, produced a song promoting the franchise. Yet the Hurricanes have a beef with him because a) he referred to the song "the official Carolina Hurricanes song" and b) wore a Hurricanes jersey in promotional material. They’ve sued Banks in a federal lawsuit accusing him of misusing trademarks in "Carolina Hurricanes,” released in 2007. Banks seems to have expedited the process of being sued by sending a copy of the song to the team and asking them to play the music during games. Oddly enough, things didn’t go sour right then and there. The Hurricanes actually did use the song during games and short segments of it appeared in a television ad and online video. Heck, Banks was even given tickets to a game and when the song was played during that game, he was shown on the arena’s video scoreboard with his name displayed. Where the Hurricanes appear to have issues is Banks’ promotion of the song, which they claim incorrectly suggests an affiliation between him and the team. Their first step was to send Banks a cease-and-desist notice in February, which led to him removing the term "official" or "anthem" from his Web site and adding disclaimers. That simply wasn’t enough for the Hurricanes because Banks’ promotional materials still show him in a team jersey, which they believed damages the franchise through the unauthorized use of trademarks. The lawsuit, filed on Friday, also alleges that Banks has demanded compensation for the song, claiming that he authorized use of the music only during games so long as the team displayed his name, song title, and name of his record company while the song was playing. So yes, he is legit enough to have a record company. It’s just a shame that something that started out with good intentions and a fan who truly cares about his team has turned into an ugly legal battle……….

- Attention residents of Montville, Connecticut: Clean the area around your docks and build improved boat ramps at your own risk - or at least get a permit to do so. Michael Liebig apparently felt he didn’t need no stinking permit to build a ramp or clear the sea grass along the river at his Montville home. "I didn't think I needed a permit to clean up down here," said Liebig. The Connecticut Department of Environmental Protection heartily disagreed and has levied a heavy fine against Liebig. For his indiscretions, he’s been touched up with a $100,000 penalty that just might be a tad excessive. "There was a launch here already and I made it better," Liebig reasoned. "I can't afford a $100,000 fine," he said. "I mean, it's gonna break me." The fine is indeed one of the state’s largest fines for violating tidal wetlands laws. At this point you’re probably asking just what sort of horrendous, gaudy boat ramp this guy built to incur such a harsh fine. Well, Liebig built an eleven-foot-wide concrete ramp without a permit, although he removed most of it after receiving a Cease and Desist Order from the DEP in October 2006. You’d think that would be enough to placate the DEP, but of course The Man wanted someone to bleed and so it pressed ahead in the case against Liebig. Because he didn’t remove all of the boat ramp or restore the wetlands, which would cost about $75,000, the $100,000 fine was levied. “I have to hire a scientist to make the mud," said Liebig. "I have to hire someone to grow the grass. I know I did wrong so it has to go back; there's no 'ifs, ands, or buts' about it.” Still, he is attempting to come up with a plan to repair the wetlands and hopes that doing so would convince the state to give him a break on the fine. Looking at this from afar, I have to say I agree with both sides. Liebig was an idiot to think he could undertake such a major project in a wetlands area without approval, but the state is being a big ass hat for imposing such a ginormous fine. I know, I know, it’s to prove a point and discourage anyone from following Liebig’s example. What do you say we knock that fine down to $50,000 and a call it a day? Thanks for nothing……..

- Not so fast, General Motors. Sure, the Chevrolet Volt is exciting because it’s your take on an electric car that could go a long ways towards addressing both the quest for alternative fuels and lessening the impact of driving on the environment. However, the absolute sunniest, best-slanted stats GM was spouting when it introduced the Volt to the world just aren’t that realistic and genuine. This car allegedly gets an estimated 230 miles per gallon, but there is a catch. You’ll be able to drive the Volt for about 40 miles using its lithium-ion batteries, but if your commute is longer than 40 miles at a time, the mileage drops significantly. After 40 miles, the Volt begins using gas just like any other car. GM’s optimistic prognostications have the Volt possibly getting as much as 50 mpg when running on gasoline, but don’t bet on that. "Having a car that gets triple-digit fuel economy can and will be a game changer for us," said GM CEO Fritz Henderson. That would be great, F. - if it were true. Quite a few people need to make drives of longer than 40 miles in their car, so even if the miles per gallon they get are better than the average car, it’s going to be closer to that figure than to the 230 mpg. Factor in that the Volt will cost $40,000 freaking dollars and I don’t think it’s the boon for business that GM is projecting it will be when the car goes on sale in late 2010. Oh, and the Environmental Protection Agency for years on the issue, the agency says it has not tested a Chevy Volt and therefore cannot confirm the fuel economy values claimed by GM. The company would also have you believe that 75 percent of American drivers actually drive less than 40 miles per day, a figure I highly doubt. Lastly, let’s take a look at how quickly fuel economy for the Volt drops if you exceed for miles per day - again, that’s per day, not per trip. If a driver goes 80 miles, total fuel economy would drop to about 100 mpg. Should you go on a road trip and or otherwise need to drive 300 miles in a day, the fuel economy would be just 62.5 mpg. Oh, and the Volt will need to be plugged in at night to recharge. So if you go on a road trip and are staying at a hotel, good luck on recharging it. If you think I’m simply being too cynical and small-minded about this, just listen to the good folks at Edmunds.com because they’ve got my back. "Even if the Volt's fuel savings could possibly be as dramatic as today's numbers suggest, the expected purchase price will be much higher than that of existing hybrids, and it will take years to pay off its price premium," notes Edmunds.com senior analyst Jessica Caldwell. Thanks for supporting the right side in this debate, J., we’ll come out on top in this, I have no doubt…….

- Convicted criminals having their cases overturned by DNA evidence is not a new phenomenon, but this case is still pretty freaking bizarre. Frank Hatley of Georgia spent a year in jail for nonpayment of child support -- despite the fact he has no children. Yes, dude was in the hole for 13 months for being a deadbeat dad because an idiot judge ordered him jailed in June 2008 for failing to support his "son" -- a child who DNA tests proved was not fathered by Hatley. Basically, the story begins with a relationship Hatley had in 1986 with Essie Lee Morrison, who gave birth to a son. Morrison told Hatley that the child was his, but that didn’t stop their relationship from ending shortly after the child was born (something tells me that revelation may have expedited it). The couple never lived together or married and ostensibly went their separate ways after the split. When the child turned 2, Morrison applied for public support for the child. State law in Georgia allows the government to recoup the cost of the assistance from a child's non-custodial parent. And so it was that for the next 13 years, Hatley made payments to the state. He ceased to do so in 2000 when he learned that the child might not be his. A DNA test that year confirmed the child was not fathered by Hatley, so he was able to return to court and be relieved of any future child support payments. However, he was ordered to pay more than $16,000 he owed the state before the ruling. Never damn mind that he couldn’t have owed the state any money because THE KID WAS NEVER HIS, let’s shake him down for that $16,000. So Hatley dutifully paid the debt and whittled it down to about $10,000. He was doing his best until 2006, when a period of unemployment resulted in him falling behind on his payments. As a result, he was jailed for six months. Yet again he bounced back and began making payments following his release and even continued to do so after he lost another job and became homeless in 2008. Bascially, arcane, asinine laws helped drive this guy into homelessness and he was periodically thrown in jail for something he didn’t do. The cycle continued in 2008, when Hatley was again unable to make payemtns and was again jailed. That led to his just-ended 13-month sentence which ended after Cook County Superior Court Judge Dane Perkins signed an order stating, "defendant is no longer responsible for paying any amount of child support." So what argument did the state use for repeatedly jailing a man who had committed no actual crime at all? Apparently they based their actions on the fact that Hatley signed a consent agreement with the Office of Child Support Services. The government argued that Hatley still needed to comply with the consent agreement for the period he believed the child was his son and the court stupidly agreed. The irony here is that not everyone - not even government officials - agreed that Hatley was being treated fairly. Cook County Sheriff Johnny Daughtrey felt that Hatley's incarceration was fair, given that the child was not his. "I knew the gentleman's plight and didn't know how to help him," Daughtrey recalled. It wasn’t until the Southern Center for Human Rights visited the jail earlier this year that Daughtrey found a way to help Hatley by telling the SCHR his story. The organization took up his case and was able to secure his release after Perkins ruled he was indigent and should not be jailed for failing to make the payments. "We're satisfied with the result for Mr. Hatley, but still troubled by the state's monumental lapse of judgment in this case,” declared attorney Sarah Geraghty with Southern Center for Human Rights. Oh, and in a nice case of too little, too late, Georgia Department of Human Services, which includes the Office of Child Support Services, recently announced plans to propose legislation in the next session of the state Legislature that would prevent similar situations in the future. What I want to know is whether Hatley will be reimbursed for the $6,000 in payments he made since 2000, which I tend to think is the least the state could do for the guy. Either way, this decision will finally allow the state's Office of Child Support Services to close its file on Hatley and it should allow Hatley to at least attempt to move forward with his life un-harassed by the state…..I think…….

- Perpetual optimists may be super annoying, but a new study suggests something that may make them even more so. As irritating as these a-holes and their constantly sunny demeanor may be, how much more would you hate them if you knew that they may actually live longer because of their optimistic approach to life. This study suggests that women 50 or older who are optimistic are less likely to get heart disease and die of any cause in a given time period compared to women their age who are more pessimistic. You can read all about it in the most recent edition of Circulation: Journal of the American Heart Association. "In the grand scheme of things, the real importance is recognizing and raising awareness of the link between attitude and health," said lead author Dr. Hilary Tindle, an assistant professor of medicine at the University of Pittsburgh She goes so far as to liken living with pessimism to living with high blood pressure. The study found that the most optimistic women had a 9 percent lower risk of developing heart disease and a 14 percent lower risk of dying from any cause compared to their most pessimistic counterparts over an eight-year period. Participants in the study included 97,253 women ages 50-79 who were enrolled in the government-funded Women's Health Initiative. To assess their level of optimism or pessimism, these women were asked to agree or disagree with statements such as "In unclear times, I usually expect the best" and "If something can go wrong for me, it will.” Using the results from those inquiries, Tindle reached the stunning conclusion that optimists tend to experience less stress than pessimists when faced with problems, and they tend to assess the situation, cope with the problem head-on, and mobilize support to solve. So optimists stress out less about problems? No way! You needed to conduct a study and use up tens of thousands of dollars in research grants to figure that out? In the end, the study paints another sunny picture for optimists, but only the most optimistic women. Such women had a 16 percent lower risk of stroke, a 30 percent lower risk of heart disease-related death, and a 24 percent lower risk of cardiovascular disease-related death than those who were pessimists. Other medical factors were considered as well, but the bad news for the rest of us is that the most insanely, annoyingly optimistic people we know are not only in a better mood than we are, chances are that they will also live longer…….

More family values erosion in Michigan football, spending quality time on a roller coaster and weekend movie news

- Quite the story involving Chicago Blackhawks forward Patrick Kane, his cousin and a cab driver in Kane’s hometown of Buffalo, N.Y. over the weekend. The short version, well, it depends on who you ask. The early reports were that Kane and his cousin, James Kane, were out late Saturday night/early Sunday morning, had too much to drink (allegedly) and decided to take a cab home. It’s a smart play, as driving drunk unquestionably makes you a moron. However, what Kane and his cousin allegedly did wasn’t much better. Their cab ride cost $13.80 and when they peeled off $15 bucks to pay the fare, these two decided that tipping their cabbie was a bad idea and asked for their change. When Jan Radecki, the 62-year-old driver, handed them a dollar and told them he didn’t have the 20 cents, the cousins Kane allegedly punched the man in the face AND took back their $15. That led to the pair being arrested and charged with theft of services, criminal mischief and robbery in the second degree. The driver said his glasses were broken as he was hit in the face and head and grabbed by the throat, although Kane has entered a plea of not guilty on his behalf in a city court. As the story began to make the rounds yesterday, additional details came to light. It was also reported that the cabbie initially locked Patrick and James Kane inside the car because, being young, drunk guys, he suspected they might try to stiff him on the fare. The cabbie later put it out there through his attorney that the incident was being overblown. Patrick Kane has adamantly denied any criminal wrongdoing and through his own attorney, he claimed that not only did the cab driver lock he and his cousin in the car, this guy wouldn’t even permit them to stand up or reach for their wallets. Furthermore, Kane’s attorney claims that Radecki makes a habit of locking young, college-age passengers inside the car until they pay and that his client isn’t the first to have a major problem with that practice. It remains to be seen if this case will actually make it to trial, but second-degree robbery is a Class C felony and the fourth-degree criminal mischief and theft-of-services charges are both Class A misdemeanors, so any sort of conviction would be a pretty bad thing for Kane. Fortunately I’m thinking this case never makes it to trial, one way or the other, and that either a plea deal or dismissal of charges will be coming soon…….

- Very big of you, Honduras, to reverse field and decide to allow a delegation from the Organization of American States to visit the country -- on the condition that the organization's head attends only as an observer. Only 24 hours prior, Honduras had rejected the planned visit because the organization's Secretary-General Jose Miguel Insulza, is “biased and unprofessional.” Insulza’s inclusion in the trip was initially a deal-breaker because he’s been outspoken in calling for the reinstatement of Honduran President Jose Manuel Zelaya, who was ousted in a military coup in June. The plan had been for a delegation of six foreign ministers to travel to Honduras to try to find a resolution to the political turmoil that has raged on since Zelaya got the boot, but the fate of that plan is now up in the air. It’s not yet known whether the OAS will agree to Honduras’ conditions for the trip, but hopefully they will simply to get a foot in the door. Nothing else has managed to break the stalemate in Honduras to this point, including two rounds of negotiations between the two sides mediated by Costa Rican President Oscar Arias in July. Arias proposed a peace accord that was soundly rejected by both sides, not a promising development but also not surprising. With the attitude that the regime currently running Honduras is espousing, any agreement is going to come only after a fierce battle. Just look at how hard these ass clowns are fighting to keep Insulza out of their country. The Honduran foreign ministry said the delegation originally did not include Insulza, because of "his lack of objectivity, impartiality and professionalism" and claimed that once he joined the group, everyone else became persona non grata. If the OAS delegation does go to Honduras, they probably shouldn’t expect a warm reception. After all, the organization did suspend Honduras from its organization shortly after the coup and Insulza has steadfastly maintained that Zelaya’s return to his elected post is an essential step for the country’s return to the international community. The elephant in the room that no one is talking about right now is that if and when Zelaya returns to power, there is still the issue of his desire to hold a referendum that would result in extending term limits by changing the constitution, despite the country's congress having outlawed the vote and the supreme court having ruled it illegal. Personally I’m thankful for all of this because there just aren’t enough military coups these days and a massive national pissing match always livens up the world……..

- What are you looking for when you visit an amusement park? Maybe you’re one of those people who likes the thrill of the roller coasters and will ride every one in the park. Others just enjoy the noise, fun and atmosphere and amusement park food. Or perhaps you just go to enjoy a day of relaxation with your family. However, I’m guessing that none of you go to spend a few hours trapped on a hill while riding your favorite roller coaster. Even if you love that roller coaster more than any other ride you’ve ever been on, nobody wants to sit in one of those too-small metal cars on an incline, looking down at the world below. But that’s exactly what happened to 24 people who got trapped on a roller coaster at the Great America theme park in Santa Clara, Calif. yesterday. Riders were stuck as high as 80 feet in the air while rescue crews spent several hours working to get them down safely. In the end, the rescuers ended up bringing the riders down one person at a time. Oddly enough, many other park visitors had no clue what was going on over at the "Invertigo," one of the most visible and popular rides at the park. Park staff shielded the area, shooed people away and even sent many visitors home while they lied and said that they were closing down for repairs. Good call, Great America management! Think that people may have been tipped off when fire rescue teams from Santa Clara County, the City of Santa Clara and San Jose came rushing onto the scene? Even if they didn’t see that 100-foot aerial ladder used to get the 24 stranded riders back to the ground, they knew something was wrong. One positive, aside from everyone getting to the ground safely, was that the park staff did a solid job of taking care of the riders while they were stranded on that hill. Staffers provided bottled water to keep everyone hydrated and were in constant communication with the riders. Plus, each passengers got the thrill of being strapped into a safety harness and lowered to the ground. Whether any of them will want to ride the 11-year-old Invertigo again, I don’t know. I do know that this isn’t the first time the ride has experienced such an incident, with the previous occurrence coming in April of 2000 when 25 riders were stuck halfway up the ride’s main hill for half an hour. Park officials have yet to say what made the ride malfunction, so stay tuned for the release of those thrilling details……..

- Color me unsurprised. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra emerging as the top film of the weekend box office race was a sure thing. A high-powered, big-budget summer action film with a tie-in to a legendary TV show and line of toys making a lot of money was a slam dunk. As expected, easily won the top spot with $56.2 million as well as $44.3 million overseas to give the movie $100.5 million worldwide. Coming in second was a film I was all too happy to not see, Meryl Streep and Amy Adams' JoeJulie & Julia, with $20.1 million. I found the real Julia Child uninteresting and not entertaining (plus that horrific voice of hers, grates on the ears), so I have no interest in seeing someone portray her on the big screen. Finishing third for the weekend was G-Force ($9.8 million), followed by Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince ($8.8 million) and reigning top film Funny People, which tumbled all the way to fifth place with $7.8 million. It was not a good weekend for one of the much-hyped new releases, the slasher flick A Perfect Getaway, which only managed to gross $5.8 million for a seventh-place finish. Completing the top 10 were: The Ugly Truth (No. 6, $7 million); Aliens in the Attic (No. 8, $4 million); (No. 9, $3.73 million); and (500) OrphanDays of Summer (No. 10, $3.72 million). There are actually some decent films in that top 10, so hit up your local multiplex if you have the chance and see a decent movie for once……..

- Some people may have laughed when a few disgruntled players left the University of Michigan football program citing a loss of the team’s “family atmosphere and values” under incoming coach Rich Fraud-riguez. There might be less laughter now in light of what has happened of late with now-former UM receiver Justin Feagin. Feagin was dismissed from the team three weeks ago for an unspecified violation of team rules, but details of his dismissal are now surfacing. It’s being reported that Feagin was involved in a failed cocaine deal with a fellow Michigan student that later resulted in the student setting a fire near Feagin's dorm room in March. Allow me to repeat that: Feagin is a coke dealer and one of his cohorts tried to burn his dorm room down. Maybe there aren’t many family values in UM football right now, not unless you consider a cartel to be a family. If you’ve got coke dealers on your team, chances are that the head coach is bringing in low-character guys who aren’t exactly the warm-and-fuzzy, love-and-support-your-teammate types. According to a police report, Feagin admitted in an interview that he helped set up the coke deal in question between Burke and one of his friends in Florida. According to Feagin, Burke then paid him $590, a partial payment for the drugs, which Feagin sent to Florida. Burke pleaded guilty Wednesday to felony arson and agreed to pay Michigan $14,213, but he still faces up to 10 years in jail. As for Feagin, Fraud-riguez dismissed him from the program the same day he was interviewed by the police. The kicker about Feagin is that dude also told police that he used to sell drugs in Florida and had been arrested for battery and trespass. In other words, he was a bad guy before he got to Michigan and I’m guessing Fraud-riguez had some idea about his character before inking him to that scholarship. That lack of character reportedly continued at Michigan, where Feagin denied ever selling drugs even though Burke told police it was "common knowledge" that Feagin sold marijuana. In a very predictable and well-written statement, Fraud-riguez said, "I dismissed Justin Feagin the moment that I was provided information contrary to our team policies.” Mmm hmm, and you didn’t know anything about what he was involved in before then. Well played, R. Fraud, well played…….

Riot Watch! in a SoCal prison, Ozzie Guillen is great for baseball and bad news on melting glaciers

- Ozzie Guillen is good for baseball. He’s won a World Series, so you know he can manage well enough. However, it’s not Ozzie’s X’s and O’s abilities or his proficiency at creating an effective lineup or managing a pitching staff that make him a truly awesome force in Major League Baseball. No, Ozzie is Ozzie because he’s an outspoken guy who has no filter and will say whatever comes to his mind when he’s pissed, profanities included. Oh, and he’s got his players’ backs in any fight and you know they respect him for that. The latest example of that came after the Cleveland Indians’ pitching staff hit three White Sox’s batters with pitches in Chicago's 8-5 win Saturday afternoon. In response to those plunkings, my man Ozzie issued a stern warning to the rest of the league: Hit our players and we’re coming for you. "Yesterday I get upset, they hit one guy and they throw in into another guy. I got upset. I know for a fact they're not throwing at nobody, but enough is enough," Guillen said. "I have Konerko bruised all over the place. Around the league, be careful because we're going to hit people. I don't care if I get suspended because I need to protect my players." What makes these comments even more awesome is that you know every manager in baseball thinks this way and even says what Guillen says in private, but he has the kahones to say it publicly. Perhaps he’s simply sensitive about the issue because the White Sox have been hit by pitches 45 times this season, fifth in the majors. Honestly, I don’t care what is irking Ozzie, just as long as it angers him enough that he’s threatening to have his pitchers drill opposing hitters multiple times for hitting just on White Sox batter. "If I see someone hit my player, and I know they hit him on purpose it's two guys going down. I don't care if I get suspended," Guillen said. "I rather have me suspended for two games than have my players on the DL for 30 days.” To put it bluntly, Ozzie Guillen is “likes to fight” guy, meaning he’ll go any time, anywhere and for any reason. The most slight act of disrespect can set him off and it’s that volatility that makes him such a welcome presence in MLB……..

- I’ve got a beef with the city of St. Louis and we’re going to tackle this right here, right now. No one likes the idea of forcing people to dress differently and conform to some corporate-style, formalized norm more than me. I understand that for some business and in some sectors of our economy, suits and ties are a necessity and that’s why I stay out of those segments and sectors. However, city employees are not a group that should fall into those categories. So when a city wants to implement a bullsh*t dress and appearance code for employees, you know I’m going to throw down. The new policy includes police officers and civilian employees, all of whom must comply with an idiotic set of rules that, among other things, bans sandals and flip-flops and most offensively of all, bans visible tattoos. Yes, The Man is attacking people with ink and as one such person, that’s a reason to go. Several officers have already been sent home because their ink was showing and the department seems pretty content with its new policy. The head of the St. Louis Police Officers' Association, Sergeant Gary Wiegert, believes that the new policy is unfair to officers who were hired on when it was okay to have ink but I’m concerned because I just don’t hear the sort of ire and rage in his voice that I need to hear. I’m really curious what ass hat came up with this new policy, but something tells me that this individual or individuals is/are a) over the age of 50, b) out of touch with our ever-changing society and c) has no tattoos. What, you think criminals are taking your officers and less seriously because they have ink? If nothing else, tats would make the officers blend in more and look like they actually represent the community they serve. Is some bank robber going to decide whether or not to shoot it out with the cops or surrender based on whether he can see ink on the arms of the responding officers? I know what the argument is going to be from The Man on this one, namely that having visible tats will make it harder for officers to get respect and look professional. Get over your freaking antiquated notions on personal appearance and join the rest of us in the year 2009………

- If this were still the W. administration in the United States, the White House would have already pressured, er, forced, er talked the scientists responsible for this report to “reconsider” their findings. But these are different times and as such, U.S. scientists monitoring shrinking glaciers in Washington and Alaska reported this week that things are not looking good for the world’s largest chunks of ice and snow. A 50-year government study found that the world's glaciers are melting at an extremely high rate and as the study is ongoing, further negative and frightening news could be on the way. Predictions on the melt rate for glaciers were already dire a few years ago, but this latest round of analysis has found that the situation has become even worse. Since 1959, the U.S. Geological Survey has been tracking the movements of the South Cascade glacier in Washington and the Wolverine and Gulcana glaciers in Alaska. Those three glaciers represents three different climate zones and three diverse elevations, so they are used to represent expected melt rates for thousands of other glaciers. “These changes are taking place in Washington State and Alaska in three different climate regimes," said Edward Josberger, the lead researcher on the study with the USGS Washington Water Science Center in Tacoma, Washington. "So we feel it's definitely something going on, probably on a global scale, and of course, if you look at other such measurements around the world and put it all together, yes, glaciers are retreating and retreating rapidly.” You may be asking just how these statistics are calculated and what is factored in. Well, the study records the amount of snow that falls on the glaciers each winter and on how much ice melts off each summer. It’s a simply formula to tell scientists whether the glacier is increasing in size or losing mass, which is obviously bad. Melting glaciers mean rising sea levels, which then result in water levels in lakes, rivers and other bodies of water rising and encroaching on land. Glacial melting depends on the thickness of the ice and also the temperature, with a change of only one to two degrees impacting on the environment significantly. Those factors have led to Washington's South Cascade glacier losing half its volume in the past half-century and being predicted to lose half its current volume in 100 years. Do with that data what you will, but clearly the whole global warming issue isn’t going away and its consequences are being felt more and more………

- The dust has settled, the smoke has cleared and the end result of Aerosmith lead singer Steven Tyler’s fall from a stage at a concert in Sturgis, South Dakota is now known. Tyler has broken his shoulder and also received stitches in his head and back, resulting in the indefinite postponement of the band’s summer tour with ZZ Top. Tyler accidentally stepped backward off a catwalk while performing "Love in an Elevator" for a crowd of thousands at Buffalo Chip Campground in Sturgis. The concert was approximately halfway done when the accident occurred and Tyler was airlifted to a hospital. For the time being, his bandmates have returned to their Boston base to ride out the latest setback in a series of touring snafus. Last month, the band was forced to postpone seven shows after Tyler pulled a muscle in his leg. Prior to that, guitarist Brad Whitford missed the first few shows of the tour while recovering from surgery after hitting his head while getting out of his Ferrari (one of the perils of being rich). Shortly thereafter, bass player Tom Hamilton left the tour to undergo what a spokeswoman described as "noninvasive surgery" from which he has yet to return. It’s a bad run for Aerosmith, but if the band could weather the non-stop drug usage and infighting that nearly killed the band forever in 19179, then I think they can withstand this downturn in fortune. Of course, they’re a lot older now and may not bounce back as quickly in a physical sense, but don’t count them out……

- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Let’s go penal for this one, visiting Chino, California for a prison riot that was quite the doozy. The riot broke out overnight (always love a night riot, they don’t happen often enough) at the California Institution for Men in Chino, about 35 miles east of Los Angeles, and more than 250 inmates were injured in the melee. Of those 250 injured, 55 inmates were taken to area hospitals with serious injuries, said Lt. Mark Hargrove, prison spokesman. Oddly enough, none of the facility's employees was hurt in the melee, which I suppose is a positive. Let the convicts brawl amongst themselves and beat the sh*t out of each other, no worries. Injuries from the riot included stab wounds, slashes and head trauma, or as I like to call it, a fun night in the clink. These inmates made use of what they had to create weapons and broken glass appears to have been one of the more popular tricks of the trade for this riot. The festivities kicked off at about 8:20 p.m. Saturday at the Reception Center West facility and raged on until just before 7 a.m. Sunday. Ground zero for the riot was a collection of seven units, each of which houses about 200 inmates at the medium-security housing facility. What I especially love about this riot is that there were multiple fires set and one housing unit was heavily damaged by fire. It took some 80 officers to quell the riot, using pepper spray, "less lethal force, and lethal force options" to regain control. As you might expect, the institution was placed on lockdown pending an investigation of the cause of the riot and visiting privileges were suspended. This isn’t the first riot for this prison, as you might expect from this impressive rioting effort. A similar riot broke out in December of 2006 and I’m guessing that a few of the inmates from that first riot were on hand to help make this one such a success…….

Our chief drug official doesn't get it, a dangerous summer for small-college football players and it's sham-on in Iran

- And the sham continues in Iran. Even as hundreds of protesters gathered and stared down riot police out in force on the streets of Tehran, fraudulently elected Iranian president/dictator President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad took the oath of office Wednesday, beginning a second term in a country where the majority of the people probably voted for someone else. Whereas a presidential inauguration is generally a happy, proud event for a country, this one took place with a bevy of security forces guarding the building and nearby streets because protests were all but assured. A bitter Ahmadinejad took the chance to fire shots at countries that haven’t exactly rushed to recognize and respect his bogus re-election. He reserved much of his wrath for United States, which has not sent a formal letter of congratulations to him. “They said they would recognize the election, but will not congratulate," Ahmadinejad said in his inaugural speech. "This means they only want democracy at the service of their interests and don't respect the people's vote and rights. Nobody in Iran is waiting for anyone's congratulations.” Umm, sounds like you are, actually. And don’t confuse not recognizing someone who stole an election through vote rigging and intimidation with not respecting the wishes of the people, M. You may have deluded yourself into believing that you won the election with almost two-thirds of the vote, just don’t expect anyone else to do the same. The Obama administration isn’t exactly rushing to salute Ahmadinejad on his supposed re-election. When asked whether the White House recognizes Ahmadinejad as the rightful leader of Iran, press secretary Robert Gibbs grudgingly offered, "He's the elected leader. It's not for me or for us to denote his legitimacy, except to acknowledge the fact. Whether any election was fair, obviously the Iranian people still have questions about that, and we'll let them decide that.” Why Ahmadinejad was expecting a letter of congratulations from the U.S., I don’t know. After all, the United States and Iran have had no diplomatic relations since 1980. Besides, how can you have a beef with anyone else’s failure to recognize your alleged re-election if an inordinate number of empty seats were visible in the hall where the inauguration took place? Those seats were reserved for various government officials and if they’re not showing up for the ceremony, it’s not because they had a friend’s birthday party to go to or a family reunion. They’re still pissed about the issue that Ahmadinejad was looking to blow right by in his inauguration speech when he mistakenly declared, “Who has voted for whom -- this is not the question. Today we need a national resolve. Today we need to join forces.” It’s a nice rallying cry….until you use it to try and slip right past lingering questions about the legitimacy of your election victory. Lest my man Mahmoud forget, his chief rival, reformist Mir Hossein Moussavi, called the elections a "fraud.” There remains the matter of dealing with the rampant post-election, anti-Ahmadinejad protests that have resulted in hundreds of arrests and at least 30 deaths. So perhaps Dictator Ahmadinejad should worry less about who is sending him congratulatory notes and fruit baskets and more about keeping his country from ripping apart at the seams……

- I have to admit, this next story disturbs the hell out of me and I sincerely wish that it had never come to light. My all-time favorite infomercial pitch man, the iconic Billy Mays, was a coke head. It pains me to say that, but thankfully I’m just relaying the message from the autopsy report issued Friday by Dr. Leszek Chrostowski, the associate medical examiner who conducted the autopsy for Hillsborough County, Florida. The autopsy cites cocaine as a contributing factor in Mays’ death in June. “Mays died from a lethal arrhythmia of the heart caused by hypertensive and arteriosclerotic heart disease," the county said in a statement. “He (Chrostowski) further concluded that cocaine use caused or contributed to the development of his heart disease, and therefore contributed to his death.” Toxicology tests detected only breakdown products of cocaine, not the drug itself, so Chrostowski concluded that Mays had used cocaine "in the few days prior to death but not immediately prior to death.” Aside from the obvious and well-known effects of blow, it can also raise blood pressure and thicken the wall of the left ventricle of the heart. Honestly, I’m not sure how to react to this. Mays was a powerful, energetic and enthusiastic voice for the products he endorsed, items such as OxiClean, Orange Glo, Mighty Putty and that pen you can use to draw on your car and cover up scratches in the paint like they were never there. Learning that his act was fueled by the Bolivian marching powder….yikes. Not only that, the autopsy also found low concentrations of ethyl alcohol "consistent with social consumption of a few beverages" as well as the narcotic drugs hydrocodone, oxycodone and tramadol. Fortunately those were drugs for which Mays had prescriptions and which he used to ease hip pain, but the fact that he was taking those drugs, along with two tranquilizers -- alprazolam (Xanax) and diazepam (Valium) -- AND had a coke habit, that’s pretty scary. You mix that many drugs together, throw in booze and this guy appears to have been a ticking time bomb. It’s true with athletes, celebrities and entertainers that you never truly know these people and they often have dark, terrible secrets in their lives. I suppose I was just hoping that it wasn’t true with my man Billy Mays……..

-It’s been a tough summer for small-school football players and manual labor. You may recall that last month, Joe Windscheffel, a linebacker/safety for NCAA Division II power Pittsburg State, suffered a compound fracture of his left arm after being attacked, bitten and dragged by an angry zebra on the farm where he was working. Now comes word that Appalachian State starting quarterback Armanti Edwards will miss two to four weeks after injuring his right foot in a mowing accident. He was mowing the lawn at his off-campus residence Wednesday in Boone, N.C. when the mower rolled down a steep hill back at him and sliced up his foot pretty good. The three-time All-American was taken to Watauga Medical Center, where he was treated and released. Thankfully Edwards only needed stitches and didn’t suffer any injuries to bones or tendons. “First of all, we're all fortunate and grateful that Armanti wasn't more seriously injured in this accident," Appalachian State coach Jerry Moore said. "It's unfortunate for him because he has put a lot of energy into being a great leader on and off the field this summer ... But, as he's demonstrated many times, his toughness is second-to-none. So I'm confident that he'll be back on the field with his teammates as soon as possible.” Even so, the lawnmower incident could prevent Edwards from being on the field when the Mountaineers open their season Sept. 5 against East Carolina. With training camps now getting started and practices underway, there shouldn’t be much of a need for this warning, but I’m giving it anyhow: Attention all small-school football players. If you find yourself in a situation where you are called upon to perform manual labor, either at home or for a job, exercise extreme caution. No matter what the gig is, wear a helmet, your football pads, shin guards and bubble wrap all exposed parts of your body. Danger is lurking and you don’t want to be next. You’ve been forewarned…….

- Never has a more appropriate musical match been made than having hack jobs like Katy Perry and former Spice Girl Victoria Beckham as guest judges on "American Karaoke" this upcoming season to help replace the insane-and-departing Paula Abdul. Sure, replacing a drug-addled ditz/former Laker Girl with a bloated ego with two hack pop “singers” who badly warble crappy pop songs written for them by others isn’t an apples-for-apples trade, but it’s close enough. However, signing Perry and Beckham as guest judges hasn’t satisfied AK’s producers in terms of feeling they have an adequate judging panel to assess the sh*tty performances of their aspiring karaoke-ers. They are continuing to search for a permanent, fourth judge to sit in Abdul's seat when the ninth season of the show returns to TV in early 2010. And yes, the fact that AK is in its ninth season causes me so much shame as an American that moving to Kazakhstan seems like an upgrade by comparison. Now I’m certain that some of you no-taste-in-music losers out there are devastated that Abdul and his bizarre, pain-med fueled persona is gone from the show you like to bastardize your musical credibility by watching, but that’s your problem. Abdul announced her departure via Twitter after failing in her cash grab, er, to negotiate a fair contract with the company that produces AK. Fox was more than happy to slam to door on her as she left, barely blinking and shedding no tears. "We made an offer that we feel was very fair. It was a substantial raise. It was not our choice,” said Peter Rice, chairman of entertainment at Fox. Producer Nigel Lythgoe is apparently viewing this split as a chance to infuse his own TV contest show on Fox, "So You Think You Can Dance,” with a healthy dose of crazy. “I've been trying to get her since season one (of "So You Think You Can Dance),” Lythgoe said. As for AK and it’s two replacement jokes, er, judges….wow. What can I say about a former pop tart who took part in one of the most offensive, contrived and bogus musical acts of all time and a chick whose chief accomplishment thus far has been a sugary, sham-tastic pop song about kissing other chicks? Neither of these two have a shred of musical credibility, which ironically makes them perfect to judge AK. Both are train wrecks who wouldn’t know good music if they were drowned in a vat of it. Putting on skin-tight leather outfits and lip-syncing in cheesy, overproduced music videos for your processed pop songs doesn’t qualify you for much, but judging AK is one of those things and as such, Perry and Beckham are right where they belong……

- I have a beef with the nation's Drug Czar and Gil Kerlikowske has only been on the job three months. While many forward-thinking groups and individuals around the country are warming to the idea of legalizing marijuana, the former Seattle Police Chief is taking an ill-advised, idiotic stance on the legalization of the hippie lettuce. He….well, I’ll leave it to Kerlikowske to dig his own grave. He was quoted recently as saying "marijuana is dangerous and has no medicinal benefit." Those moronic comments were made in Seattle at a roundtable discussion on drug policy. "I certainly said that legalization is not in the president's vocabulary nor is it in mine," Kerlikowske said. "But the other question was in reference to smoked marijuana. And as we know, the FDA has not determined that smoked marijuana has a value, and this is clearly a medical question and that's where I've been leaving it." Are you freaking kidding me? Smoking the chronic has no value? How do you explain the immense boost to the snack food industry that comes from stoners looking to quell their case of the munchies after getting baked? That’s not value? Or what about the bevy of Planet Earth DVD’s bought by stoners to watch while they lay on the couch, stoned out of their mind? That too is value, my friend. Also, think of all the violent crime stoners don’t commit and all the havoc they don’t wreak because they’re mellowing out on their couch, downing Cheetos and taking bong rips. On top of all of this, governments around the country that are badly in need of additional revenue sources would make a killing on taxing the hippie lettuce. In spite of this reality, Kerlikowske idiotically insists on being a dumbass when it comes to making tree legal for the masses. “You know from the University of Washington, the number-one call from young people for treatment here, after alcohol, is marijuana. So I'm not seeing the benefit to society with legalization at all.” This dude’s short-sightedness is infuriating to me and I’m ready to fly to Washington to soundly kick his ass. Of course, Kerlikowske is ducking me by taking “business trips” to Mexico next month and Afghanistan in the fall, but rest assured, stoners of America, that I am committed to fighting on your behalf……..

The University of Central Fla. is unfair to its drunks, an idle NFL contract threat and Steven Tyler crashes and burns in South Dakota

- Attention anyone who believes that San Francisco 49ers receiver Michael Crabtree is actually prepared to sit out this season and re-enter the NFL draft in 2010, I have three words: consider the source. That source would be David Wells, Crabtree's cousin and adviser. “We are prepared to do it," Wells said. "Michael just wants fair-market value. They took him with the 10th pick and you have Darrius Heyward-Bey [the seventh overall pick by the Oakland Raiders] getting $38 million? This week is crucial. Michael was one of the best players in the draft and he just wants to be paid like one of the best players. This week is very crucial.” Now I don’t speak crazy, but what I think D. Wells is trying to say is that Crabtree is a better player than Heyward-Bey and should be paid as such. After all, every single draft expert had it ranked that way and every mock draft had Crabtree going much higher than Heyward-Bey. Here’s the problem: contracts aren’t based on where YOU feel that you SHOULD have been drafted. The NFL would have a big problem on its hands if it allowed draft picks to dictate their salary based on where they felt they should have been selected because everyone thinks they should have gone much higher than they did. Todd McShay’s final mock draft is not the barometer by which your rookie contract will be determined. But the hilarious thing is that I’m pretty sure Crabtree knows this and his agent, Eugene Parker, also knows this. I’m also fairly sure that niehter Crabtree nor Parker have any intention of sitting out the year, but there’s Crabtree’s crazy cousin/adviser bumping his gums and making those idle threats. Parker went out of his way to deny Wells’ claim, saying, “You've known me a long time and I'm not a guy who makes threats. Nor am I a guy who negotiates in the public. I don't know where this came from but no such threat has been made.” Yeah, well you’d better tell crazy cousin David that, because he seems to believe otherwise. He may not actually be Crabtree’s agent, but he doesn’t seem to know or care. As such, he’s making Crabtree look bad and unless that’s something Mike doesn’t care about, he needs to tell his cousin to zip it……….

- It may have taken Charles Colburn 67 years, but dammit, he finally earned his high school diploma. But no, the Bangor, Maine resident isn’t just some brain-dead tool who was too lazy or stupid to finish high school the first time around; he has a good reason why he never graduated. Like most men of his generation, Colburn was swept up in the whirling dervish of World War II. He and many of his peers left school early to enlist in the armed services and didn’t give it a second thought. So in 1942, he left Bangor High School to enlist in the army even though he was just a few credits shy of earning his high school diploma. “When I go to bed at night there's a lot of things that come to my mind, but I've never forgotten that high school diploma," he said recently. Doing something noble and heroic to serve his country wasn’t enough to assuage his guilt over bailing on high school and that unsettled feeling in his stomach led him to visit current school superintendent Betsy Webb earlier this summer to see about getting his diploma. “I never thought I'd get it. I dreamed of it, but I never thought I'd get it,” Colburn admitted. Webb embraced the idea of making this veteran’s dream come true and on Wednesday afternoon, that dream became a reality. In the James Doughty School auditorium, Colburn received his high school diploma, was surrounded by his friends and family. “Charles Colburn, it is my honor as the superintendent of the Bangor schools to present you with this diploma from Bangor High School on your 87th birthday,” Webb proclaimed. So where does this honor rank for Colburn? He explained that he already has a whole wall filled with certificates and awards, but the diploma will be in a place of honor, right in the middle of all of them. “By God, it's a wonderful thing, really is good, thank you very much," Colburn said as he accepted his diploma. “When people say, 'Did you graduate?' I'll say yes I graduated. I'll be proud, you know, that I did and received that diploma.” Congrats to him for making a dream come true, here’s a guy who definitely deserved it……

- Falling on an arena floor is so hard on the knees…and head….and neck….and shoulder, for that matter. Sorry for the bad Aerosmith pun, but there were just so many to choose from after Aerosmith front man Steven Tyler fell from the stage during a concert at the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally in western South Dakota Thursday and was airlifted to a hospital. Tyler, 61, reportedly suffered minor head and neck injuries and a shoulder injury, though his injuries don’t appear to be nearly as serious as they could have been. According to witnesses, Tyler fell off the stage as the band was performing "Love In an Elevator" and was then assisted backstage before being rushed to the Rapid City regional Hospital. The show was one of the many stops on Aerosmith’s summer geezer-rock tour with ZZ Top, although make no mistake about it, Aerosmith can still rock despite their age. However, this is decidedly bad news for Tyler, who also did a stint in rehab last year to address a dependency on pain and sleep medication. It remains to be seen how much of the remainder of the tour can be salvaged in light of Tyler’s injuries, but I do want to wish him a full and speedy recovery because I am still looking forward to that new album from Aerosmith that will be finished once the band concludes this tour and gets back into the studio. Get some rest, get back on your feet and make sure you know where the edge of the stage is next time, Steven……..

- The map is shrinking for you, idiots who feel you need to text while driving. On Thursday, Illinois became the 17th state on Thursday to ban texting while driving. Gov. Pat Quinn signed an amendment to the Illinois Vehicle Code that prohibits writing, sending or receiving text messages while driving. Now I’m sure that his predecessor, Gov. Rod Blagojevich, would have done the same thing - if you’d bribed him enough to put pen to paper. However, Quinn put his signature on this bill and addressed an issue serious enough that it has also caught the attention of the federal government. There are exceptions under the new law for drivers who pull over to text or shift their car into park or neutral to message while stopped in traffic. I don’t have a beef with those, because if your car is stationary then you aren’t putting anyone in danger. Sure, you might be so wrapped up butchering the English language by texting your friends with BFF’s, LOL’s and l8r’s, but at least that’s not putting lives in danger. Trying to send a text while driving 70 mph in the left lane on the expressway, adjusting the radio and looking for an opening to get around the slow-moving idiot in front of you does put others in harm’s way. That’s probably why Illinois joined Oregon, New Hampshire, Alaska, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Louisiana, Maryland, Minnesota, New Jersey, North Carolina, Tennessee, Utah, Virginia, Washington and the District of Columbia in banning texting while driving. It’s also the likely reason why four U.S. senators announced their plan to push for a federal ban on July 29. There actually isn’t that much research to base any potential national law on, as very few studies have been done to examine the correlation between a) texting while driving and having an accident and b) the impact no-texting laws have on driving safety. A Virginia Tech Transportation Institute study found that truck drivers who texted while driving were 23 times more likely to crash or nearly get into wrecks. The study compared the accident risk among drivers texting, dialing, talking, listening or reaching for an electronic device and found that texting posed the greatest accident risk. But even with the dearth of studies, there are a few very public examples of people texting and causing horrific accidents to use as a means to inflame the public and create outrage. For example, there was that incident last September when a California commuter train engineer missed a stop signal while trading text messages with a friend, collided with a freight train and caused a crash that killed 25 people. Oh, and there was that time in May when the operator of a Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority trolley was charged with gross negligence after he admitted he had been texting seconds before the collision with another trolley. So one-third of our states have now outlawed texting while driving and the feds are looking to enact a national ban…..text behind the wheel while you can, America….just don’t do it anywhere near me…….

- Tailgating is a vital part of the fan experience in football, especially college football. Being from a college where tailgating has never been much of a factor, I can attest to how much not having it hurts the atmosphere at a game. At schools where tailgating exists, it’s a key part of game day and those who take part have a pretty strict routine for their tailgating. Depending on the school and its geographical location, that routine can vary. Certain places have certain foods as tailgating staples, some schools involve the band, cheerleaders and other spirit groups. But one constant in any tailgating setting is clearly alcohol. People like to drink before attending a football game, no doubt. While your idea of fun at a game might be a hot dog, a Coke and a foam finger, but getting hammered prior to kickoff is just as essential for other fans. That’s probably why fans of the University of Central Florida’s football team are extremely livid about a change the school’s administration has made to its rules and regulations for tailgating at UCF games. For years now, fans have been able to set up their tailgate and start the boozing at 7 a.m., giving them ample time to get their buzz on before even a noon kickoff. However, the school’s 20-member game-day committee, which includes representatives from the university, student government, community and athletics association, has made a recommendation that UCF open tailgate lots and waivers allowing fans to drink alcohol on campus at 8 a.m. for games starting before 6 p.m. and at noon if a home game starts at 6 p.m. or later. Yes, fans will either have to start their drinking somewhere else or wait an extra hour to start downing the Coors and Natural Light if they want to do so in the parking lot at the stadium. Needless to say, the hardcore UCF drunks, er, fans are infuriated. "For years and years, I was the first person at UCF football games," UCF fan John Warbington fumed. "I'm not exaggerating. ... I can't believe they're taking this game-day experience away from me.” Listen to this guy, he sounds legitimately hurt and wounded. And no, he’s not alone. “It's not a minor logistical change. It's a huge change," fan Dan Brosen said. " ... People can't do anything about it this year, but I promise they will stop giving to athletics next year.” Yes, you read that correctly. Dan Brosen is implying that people will stop financially supporting the athletic department because it cut an hour off their allotted drinking time at tailgate parties. Dude, you know you’re a hardcore alkie if you’ve been scratching checks to the school for years but will no longer do so because they make you wait an extra hour to get your drink on. But I’m guessing that anyone who is that upset by this new rule isn’t likely to also be an extremely wealthy benefactor writing huge checks to UCF, just a hunch on my part. Having said all of that, I do want to assist those looking to besiege those responsible for this new rule with truckloads of hate, vitriol and bile. In addition to the 20-member game day committee, you’re also going to want to tar and feather UCF President John Hitt, who approved the new rules. Vice Admiral Al Harms is chairman of the game-day rules committee, so he should also be a prime target for the angry, drunken segment of the UCF fan base. Harms said the group was concerned about fans tailgating and drinking alcohol for more than 10 hours on game days. "We felt it was excessive," he said. "It wasn't setting the appropriate atmosphere we wanted to have on campus." Umm, why not? What could possibly go wrong when a bunch of raging drunks go to a game featuring a violent, contact sport about which they are extremely passionate and do so with a BAC of somewhere around .16? This is what college athletics are all about: going nuts, getting drunk and enjoying the hell out of your experience. That’s how most student-athletes handle the experience anyhow, so why not the fans too? Who gives a rat’s ass about promoting public safety and serving a interests including the academic departments not participating in football games and neighborhoods surrounding UCF, which these new rules purport to do? What’s worse is that Harms freely admits that the rule changes were not in response to any tailgating problems during the past year.” I hate to go all cliché on you, Al, but if the system of fans getting obscenely drunk before the sun rises in the morning of a football game isn’t broke, don’t fix it. “It's mind-boggling and very frustrating," fan Amy Branon said. Well said Amy, well said. UCF Coach George O'Leary agrees with me and told fans at a season-ticket sales event, "I'm on your side," along with plans to protest the changes. If you’re looking to lend your support to this worthy cause, a Facebook group (what else?) protesting the changes has already garnered more than 1,000 members. Fight on, UCF drunks, fight on…….

Blazing your way through an NFL training camp, bad news for "Chuck" fans and why NOT to throw baseballs at fans

- Let this be a warning to all athletes who would consider throwing a ball or other piece of equipment into the stands out of anger: learn from Julio Castillo and don’t repeat his mistake. You may remember Castillo as a pitcher for the Peoria Chiefs, a Chicago Cubs Single-A affiliate, who threw a ball into the stands during a game against the Dayton Dragons when the bench-clearing brawl broke out. The ball struck a fan and gave the fan a concussion, leading prosecutors to charge Castillo with felonious assault causing serious physical injury and felonious assault with a deadly weapon. Castillo contended that he threw the ball downward toward a dugout to try to keep opposing players from rushing the field and was not aiming at anyone. Montgomery County Common Pleas Court Judge Connie Price didn’t buy that story and convicted Castillo on the charge of assault causing serious physical injury. Price did acquit the pitcher on the charge of felonious assault with a deadly weapon, so it could definitely have been worse for Castillo. He’s no longer a member of the Chiefs and now plays for the Boise Hawks, another Single-A affiliate of the Cubs. However, the Cubs have been holding him out of action until the charges against him were resolved. Sentencing is still ahead for Castillo, but don’t expect too much sympathy or leniency. Yes, he acted in the heat of the moment, but that’s no excuse for throwing a baseball into the stands, especially not for a professional baseball player who makes his living throwing balls in excess of 90 mph. A few inches in a different direction and Castillo’s errant throw could have done a lot more damage than simply giving a fan a concussion………

- I shouldn’t be impressed by Bill Clinton being able to fly to Pyongyang, North Korea, and secure the release of two journalists imprisoned by the North Korean government. Slick Willie appears to be able to talk just about anyone into doing just about anything, but I didn’t think that even he could convince a maniacal, irrational dictator like Kim Jong Il to let Laura Ling and Euna Lee go free. On top of that, my man Willie didn’t even have his patented means of persuasion available, namely getting the person in front of him to sex it up with him. Above all, that’s this guy’s most potent weapon, even if the women he (allegedly) scores with (Paula Jones, Ginnifer Flowers, Monica Lewinsky) aren’t exactly hall-of-famers, if you catch my drift. But using his pull on the opposite sex clearly wasn’t a weapon for Slick Willie in this situation and yet he walked in to Pyongyang, sat down with the North Korean leader and was able to convince K.J. Il to set Ling and Lee free. “We feared at any moment that we could be sent to a hard labor camp, and then suddenly we were told we were going to a meeting," Ling said at a news conference Wednesday morning in California shortly after arriving by plane with Lee and Clinton. Make no mistake about it, I’m glad that Clinton was able to negotiate a pardon for these two women, who had been held in a North Korean prison since March. Not as a glad as Lee and Ling had to be when they saw Clinton standing in front of them, telling them they were headed home, but still glad. "The past 140 days have been the most difficult, heart-wrenching time of our lives," Ling said. "We are very grateful that we were granted amnesty by the government of North Korea, and we are so happy to be home." Ironically both women are employed by Current TV, the California-based media company for Clinton’s former Vice President Al Gore. They were arrested in March while reporting from the border between North Korea and China and sentenced to 12 years of hard labor on charges of entering the country illegally to conduct a smear campaign. They were obviously trumped-up, bogus charges by a totalitarian regime, but that certainly didn’t make things any less scary for Lee and Ling. Big ups to both of these ladies and to Slick Willie for fighting the good fight and ultimately coming out on top…….

- Not that this is a surprise, but the state of Nebraska has at least two police officers who are FAT. Yes, I know, cops who are FAT, verrrrry surprising. It’s a problem because there are times cops need to a) pursue suspects on foot or b) fit into confined spaces. The latter is what caused problems for Sgt. Matt Jarvis, an officer in the town of Bellevue, Nebraska. Jarvis and his partner answered a break-in alarm at Scooter's Coffee Shop on May 5 and went about their normal operating procedure. Security footage from the café shows Jarvis' partner entering the building through the front door's broken glass. The partner has no problems squeezing through the opening, but when Jarvis attempts to enter through the same opening, he has issues. Because of his large girth, Jarvis cannot bend over to get through the entrance. He struggles and tries his best, but for more than a minute his partner is left alone in a potential dangerous situation inside the coffee shop. Jarvis eventually puts down his gun and struggles for the next 30 seconds to squeeze through the door. What happened from there is something that Bellevue Police Chief John Stacey has his own interpretation of, an interpretation I don’t exactly agree with. Stacey says the officer got through the door and did "what he was supposed to do. To have somebody armchair-quarterback them who's never done that, that's not my game.” That’s the chief’s take, but a look at the video shows that even after Jarvis managed to force his way through the door, it took him at least six seconds after entering to roll into a position where he was able to pull himself up with the help of store shelves. In spite of this evidence that Jarvis may not be physically fit enough to perform all of the duties of his job, Stacey insists that Jarvis, a defensive tactics instructor, has passed all state-mandated gun tests that require officers to kneel down, shoot and then stand back up. He went on to say that only one officer has failed the state gun test -- Chris Parent, the 350-pound officer who just won his job back after a long legal battle. “The only time we can get involved is if they cannot do the job," Stacey said. "It's like, are you too tall, too short, too fat, too homely-looking? Where do you draw the line?” Where do you draw the line? How about at the point where an officer is too FAT to perform a task that helps ensure the safety of himself, his partner and the community he’s supposed to serve? Feel free to mix in a physical fitness portion to the exam you give your officers, Nebraska……

- Despite buzz coming out of Dork Fest ‘09/Comi-Con in San Diego, myself and other fans of NBC’s awesome action-comedy Chuck won't be getting our beloved show back on the air any time soon. Reports of an early return for Chuck have been creating buzz, but Angela Bromstad, the network's president of primetime, says there is little truth to those reports. Speaking at an NBC executive panel discussion, Bromstad said that Season 3 will run for 13 episodes beginning in March. In other words, after NBC wraps its coverage of the 2010 Winter Olympics, it’ll get around to bringing Chuck back. One positive note to this is that the show won’t have a major interruption in its schedule both during the normal holiday break and during the Olympics, but the downside is that fans will be waiting a long time to see the show they love. Bromstad also floated the idea that NBC may consider extending Chuck's episode order to help launch a more high-profile summer 2010 slate. "Right now we're asking ourselves: Is this something we let run into the summer season?" she said. "But we haven't decided.” Not the most optimistic, hopeful words if you’re a Chuck fan, but at least it’s a better fate than Friday Night Lights, which NBC announced wouldn't return until summer 2010. Bromstad was up front about that decision, stating plainly that FNL’s ratings don't justify a slot in the fall lineup. Not exactly the news you want to hear if you’re trying to get pumped for the fall TV season, but at least NBC will still have Heroes leading the charge this fall……

- Training camp is a long, though grind for NFL players. Camp often means being crammed into a dorm at some small liberal arts college, practicing twice a day and being with your team 24/7 for a month. Practicing and scrimmaging in the heat, cracking heads with the same guys over and over and doing seemingly mundane drills dozens of times can wear on a guy’s psyche. To break up the monotony, players try a lot of different things - hazing rookies, playing cards, pulling pranks - but most of them don’t go the route that Philadelphia Eagles defensive end Juqua Parker apparently went. Parker has been arrested on a marijuana possession charge in Bethlehem, Pa., site of the Iggles’ training camp. Lower Saucon Township police said Parker was a passenger in a vehicle that was stopped for a traffic violation at 12:33 a.m. ET Wednesday near the Eagles' training camp at Lehigh University and the officer who made the stop smelled something not quite right. He searched the vehicle and found Parker to be in possession of "a small amount of marijuana." Hmm, a pro athlete in possession of weed. I wonder how long it took Parker to go to the old standby, “It’s not mine, I was just holding it for a friend.” That’s straight from the athlete/celebrity 101 handbook of how to deal with an arrest for possession of the herb - or any drug for that matter. It’s never yours, it’s always someone else’s. But like I said, training camp is hard and guys need a way to make it through. Of course, most guys don’t take Parker’s route. Don’t get me wrong - athletes, both pro and college - love to bake and do so often. However, most NFLers are smart enough to either a) leave the weed at home during training camp or b) not have it in their possession anywhere they might be arrested. So no, it’s not the end of the world that Parker is a stoner or that he was busted with a small amount of the hippie lettuce on him. Let’s just hope that this isn’t an omen for how this season is going to play out for the Eagles, because everyone knows stoners aren’t the most motivated people when it comes to winning Super Bowls…..or getting off the couch…..or doing anything else, for that matter………

A twist of fate at Florida State, the Marines ban social networking sites and one man fights The Man with spray paint

- Well this is certainly a nice change. For once, felony charges against a Florida State football player are being dropped instead of filed. This is such a rare occurrence that I need to pause for just a moment to truly appreciate it and understand its significance. Okay, I’m good to continue. Oddly enough, a prosecutor in Tallahassee has dropped a felony charge against Florida State receiver Richard Goodman, who had been charged with aggravated battery after allegedly hurling a chair at a woman during a brawl in the school's student union. The brawl broke out between members of the football team and a fraternity and the female student was merely an innocent bystander when the chair struck her. The problem for Assistant State Attorney Jon Fuchs is pursuing the case against Goodman is that witnesses to the fight couldn’t make up their minds or come up with consistent stories about what happened and who threw the chair. Witnesses named at least four other people as the chair-thrower, but no one identified Goodman. Now that he’s been cleared of throwing the chair, he’s been reinstated to the team after being suspended following his arrest in May. It marks the latest development in an interesting few months for the FSU athletic department, which has also been busy fighting the NCAA’s quest to strip wins from football coach Bobby Bowden and pull scholarships from 10 FSU athletic programs following a massive academic cheating scandal. So there’s a bit of good news for you, FSU fans, cherish it because I have a feeling it’s not something that you’re going to have a lot of in the days ahead……

- David Bowden of Cary, N.C. is a man who has had enough, dammit. When the town widened his road and altered the terrain at the edge of his yard, Bowden claims the work created a steep slope that funnels rain water into his home. The town doesn’t deny that a problem exists but where the two parties differ is how to best address the issue. Because he feels that the town has wronged him and ruined the home he’s lived in since 1992, Bowden wants the town to buy his home. The town contends that it has a plan to fix the drainage issue but Bowden won't listen. "We have gone to him and said we have a design that would help resolve (the drainage issue)," Assistant Town Manager Mike Bajorek said. "He said, 'No, stay off my property. I want you to buy my house.’” When the town balked at that demand, Bowden decided to take the always logical step of spray painting his gripe on the side of his house in ginormous, red lettering for all to see. “The town screwed me,” he painted on the side of his white house, a message Bowden says is actually more tame than he originally wanted. “It's been cleaned up a lot," Bowden said. "That's not what was planned to go up there.” He also claims that the town attempted to pin responsibility for the drainage problem on him, saying the issue is with his gutters. There is precedent for the town buying homes with drainage problems, according to Bajorek, but only when there was no possible solution. We have a fix in place. We’re just waiting for Mr. Bowden to give us the go ahead to install that,” Bajorek explained. In the meantime, the town is doing something that should further infuriate Bowden. It has cited Bowden for being in violation of the town sign ordinance for every day the message remains painted on his house – $100 for the first day, $250 for the second and $500 for each day afterward. Bowden is well aware of the mounting fines but refuses to remove his message until the town satisfies his demands to buy the house. The question now is who will blink first……..

- Ah, the wonderful world of technology. Some people use it to make their lives better, others (allegedly) use it to endanger other people's safety by interfering with Chicago Transit Authority radio transmissions. Marcel Carter of Chicago would seem to fall into the latter category after the CTA fingered him as the radio hacker responsible for posing a threat to trains, buses and riders. Carter denies that he made any illegal radio transmissions and insists that the radio he bought from a man in Wisconsin over a year ago was already programmed with CTA radio frequencies when he received it. In his words, he was "just playing around with it." Police would seem to disagree with those assertions based on the fact that on Monday, Carter was walked into a federal courtroom in leg irons to face serious charges against him. The CTA says Carter made some 300 unauthorized radio calls on CTA frequencies, most of them between early June and late July. The agency says that Carter began by making nuisance calls, but later gave orders to train operators, and sometimes attempting to countermand orders issued from CTA's control center. The CTA recorded Carter’s calls and was typically able to keep them from reaching train operators, so that evidence should prove helpful in the case against him. Dude’s own mother admitted that she's seen her son talking on a hand-held radio over the last couple years, although she didn’t know who he was talking to. The answer to that question appears to be a Green line train operator, whom Carter allegedly radioed telling him he didn't have to stand at the station as previously ordered, a train operator Carter allegedly gave rule numbers that would've permitted a to bypass a red light and countless others. That apparently pissed off the FBI, which is also involved in the case. “Getting the frequencies, purchasing the radio was not illegal. It's what he did with them after he got them," said FBI official Ross Rice. With the mounting evidence against him, how would Carter respond in court? “Basically, I was just...I don't know... playing around with a radio,” said Carter in court. If nothing else, his actions, intentional or accidental, could end up being beneficial to the CTA. Agency officials are now considering encrypting their radio transmissions to ensure that no one else can replicate Carter’s hijinks. Public transit and law enforcement agencies around the country have done so with an infusion of Homeland Security money. You may be asking yourself why Carter was finally arrested if he had been making these calls for two months and authorities knew who he was and what was going on. Well, his downfall came Friday night after he asked a CTA customer service rep if he could get a reward for turning in a stolen CTA radio. He was then put in contact with the CTA control center and because of his frequent radio intrusions of the past two months, an operator there recognized his voice. Carter was arrested and he now faces up to 20 years in prison and a fine of $250,000 if convicted. Unless, you know, it was an accident………

- Think Ryan O'Neal would like to have this one back? I know that losing a loved one, especially a loved one who dies far too young because of a tragic disease, is very difficult. I’m not looking to bust up a guy who just lost the love of his life and I wouldn’t have had a single negative word to say about O’Neal….if he hadn’t hit on his own daughter at Farrah Fawcett's funeral. O’Neal claims that he only hit on daughter Tatum because he didn’t recognize her, which I’m not sure is much better than the alternative. On the one hand, hitting on your own daughter if you recognize her is so repulsive that it’s enough to induce instant nausea and horror. Incest just isn’t something most people are down with, period. However, not recognizing your own kid doesn’t say anything good about you either. Who doesn’t recognize their own kid? On top of that, who’s hitting on someone at the funeral of the person they supposedly loved more than anything? Way to mourn, Ry. Then again, not recognizing his own daughter is something you might expect from a guy like O’Neal, who has admitted he would "take back" having some of his children. I’m sure that does wonders for their self-esteem, right? But O’Neal detailed the bizarre funeral scene in an interview he did for next month’s issue of Vanity Fair. "I had just put the casket in the hearse and was watching it drive away, when a beautiful blond woman comes up and embraces me," O'Neal said. "I said to her, 'You have a drink on you? You have a car?' She said, 'Daddy, it's me — Tatum! I was just trying to be funny with a strange woman, and it's my daughter. It's so sick.” Sick would be a kind way of describing it, you twisted freak. Just because you’re a bad father who believes that he should never have had kids doesn’t mean it’s cool for you to hit on them or treat them like crap. To his children - 
 Tatum, Griffin, Patrick and Redmond - I feel sincerely bad for all of you that your father is such a scumbag who regrets having you and can’t help but wonder if your lives would be much better if you had a dad who gave a crap about being your parent……..

- Add the U.S. Marine Corps to the group of people who aren’t down with social networking Web sites. Although the Marines may not object to the sites for the same reason as most critics - namely that they’re a waste of time because no one needs to know the every detail of the lives of regular people - they still aren’t down. Just because they aren’t balking at the idea of reading your intense internal debate over Cap’N Crunch v. Froot Loops for breakfast or how incensed you are that while waiting in line at Starbucks you realized that they jacked the price of their macchiato again doesn’t mean they don’t have a reason to hate Twitter. No, the U.S. Marine Corps has banned Twitter, Facebook, MySpace and other social media sites from its networks, effective immediately, because of the danger that classified, highly sensitive material might be leaked. “These internet sites in general are a proven haven for malicious actors and content and are particularly high risk due to information exposure, user generated content and targeting by adversaries," reads a Marine Corps order, issued Monday. "The very nature of SNS [social network sites] creates a larger attack and exploitation window, exposes unnecessary information to adversaries and provides an easy conduit for information leakage that puts OPSEC [operational security], COMSEC [communications security], [and] personnel... at an elevated risk of compromise." In other words, some low-level Marine might inadvertently slip up and post a Tweet something along the lines of, “Going on another top-secret bombing run, this is getting old. Be back l8r, peace out.” To prevent that from happening, the Marines will enact a one-year ban and see how things go. The decision comes in response to a late July warning from U.S. Strategic Command, which told the rest of the military it was considering a Defense Department-wide ban on the Web 2.0 sites due to network security concerns. I can see their point - sort of - because worms and viruses can definitely spread through social media sites and the way these sites are set up, security for those using them is neither a concern nor a priority. But fear not, Marines who enjoy getting your social network on. The Department of Defense is getting ready to unveil a new home page with its own social media tools and the Marines say they will issue waivers to the Web 2.0 blockade, if a "mission critical need" can be proven. If you can’t secure one of these waivers, then it looks like it’s back to plain old email home for you…….

When underachieving idiots can file lawsuits, the problem with an opium crackdown and life continues to worsen for Plaxico Burress

- See what happens when you senselessly crack down on the cultivation of opium in a Third World country like Afghanistan? Yes, I’m talking to you, U.S. military and allied forces who have been bombing the living sh*t out of the Afghan countryside looking to eradicate poppy fields because they supposedly help fund the Taliban’s regime. Because of your misguided, malicious efforts, places like Shahran, a remote village in the Hindu Kush region, are suffering. The people of this village have known one currency and one currency only for as long as they can remember: opium. It grew in everyone’s back yard and when they needed currency to pay for anything - food, clothing, supplies - they would simply pick a few grams of opium from their family’s field, tuck it inside a leaf and buy what they needed. But because the Afghani government began to fall in line with the crusade against opium fueled by outside forces looking to combat the Taliban, a ban on opium production was put in place and the government has been freaking militant about enforcing it. Those same villagers whose lives ran on the currency of opium are now forbidden from planting it and their towns are withering away because of it. Opium is all they’ve ever known and with good reason. Afghanistan supplies 93 percent of the world's opium and it makes sense that its economy would rely heavily on it. Besides, this ban is working erratically and unevenly by the sunniest, most optimistic evaluations. Villagers in places like Shahran are angry and they’re speaking out, but the government doesn’t appear to be listening. “Now we don't even have 10 Afghanis ($0.25) to give our children to buy bubble gum," says opium farmer Abdul Hay. "Before they would go into the field and collect the money themselves.” As recently as 2007, opium fields occupied nearly half a million acres in Afghanistan, with the harvest worth about $4 billion - equal to nearly half the country's GDP in 2007. That was before the government kowtowed to international pressure, intensified its efforts crack down on opium farmers and proceeded to ruin the lives of those farmers. Sure, the number of acres planted with poppy dropped by 20 percent last year, but at what cost? The main effect of the crackdown seems to be that 98 percent of Afghanistan's opium is now grown in just seven of the country's 34 provinces. Sadly, one of those places is not Shahran, where residents held a meeting two years ago and agreed to comply with the government ban. Their thanks from that government? Ruined lives and no means to support their village and families………

- Redheads have always been stereotyped as having more of a temper and more of a fiery side, but recent studies show that they may also have a unique characteristic that makes them, well, a little wimpier than the rest of us. These studies indicate that redheads may be more sensitive to pain and may need more anesthetics to numb them. In research published in this month's Journal of American Dental Association, researchers found that painful experiences at the dentist might cause more anxiety for men and women with red hair, which might explain why redheads are twice as likely to avoid dental care than people with dark hair. "Redheads are sensitive to pain," said Dr. Daniel Sessler, an Outcomes Research Department chair at The Cleveland Clinic, in Cleveland, Ohio, and one of the study’s authors. "They require more generalized anesthesia, localized anesthesia. The conventional doses fail. They have bad experiences at the dentist and because of the bad experiences, they could avoid dental care." Sessler, an anesthesiologist, heard consistent talk from colleagues that redheads were tougher to anesthetize and out of those conversations came two studies. The first one, conducted in 2004, found that redheads need 20 percent more general anesthesia than blonds and brunettes. A second study in 2005 revealed that redheads are more sensitive to thermal pain and are more resistant to the effects of local anesthesia. Why? Well, researchers believe variants of the melanocortin-1 receptor gene play a role. This gene produces melanin, which colors skin, hair and eyes. Non-redheads’ genes produce melanin, but those with red hair have a mutation of this receptor that produces a different coloring called pheomelanin, which results in freckles, fair skin and ginger hair. For the redheads reading this, hopefully that explains why you may be a little more sensitive to pain than your non-redhead friends and let you know that the next time you go to the doctor or dentist, you’d be wise to ask for an extra dose of painkillers…….

- One step further from playing in the NFL any time soon and one step closer to an 8 x 10 cell for former New York Giants star Plaxico Burress. I’m not a legal expert, but I’m going to say with confidence that being indicted by a grand jury on weapons charges is something that makes Burress less likely to find a team willing to sign him and put him on the field. That’ll happen when you a) shoot yourself in the thigh at a Manhattan nightclub with an unlicensed gun, b) try to cover the nature of the shooting and your identity up when going to the hospital for treatment and c) face a minimum prison sentence of 3½ years if convicted. Manhattan District Attorney Robert Morgenthau sounds pretty happy with himself and the work of the grand jury after Burress was indicted and charged with two counts of criminal possession of a weapon and one count of reckless endangerment. “The grand jury applied the law to the facts of this case," Morgenthau said. Burress’ attorney Benjamin Brafman tried to pass off the grand jury’s decision like it was completely expected and he has everything under control, but you know dude is pissed. He decided to have his client testify before the grand jury last week in a risky attempt to avert just what unfolded yesterday and that ploy failed miserably. Perhaps the only silver lining for Burress is that friend and former teammate Antonio Pierce, who was with Burress in the club and helped him attempt to cover up the shooting, er, drove him to the hospital, was not indicted. He certainly could have been indicted for taking Burress’ gun home with him the night of the shooting and not turning it over to police. Of course, things could also be much worse for Burress had the bullet that struck his leg hit the nightclub security guard who was standing inches away, according to Assistant District Attorney John Wolfstaetter. That being said, the punishment from these charges, because you know Burress is heading to jail, should be more than serious enough to ruin his life for the foreseeable future. He could have avoided all of this by simply making sure that his gun was licensed in New York and in New Jersey, where Burress lived, but he was negligent there and it’s going to cost him somewhere in the neighborhood of a mandatory minimum sentence of 3½ years in prison on the charges he now faces. Methinks that Morgenthau’s offer of two years in prison under a potential plea agreement sounds markedly better to Burress and his attorney right about now…….

- At long last, Nissan gave the world its first look at its much-awaited electric car. The "Leaf" is a hatchback that Nissan Motor Co. will begin selling in the United States and Japan towards the end of 2010. Nissan unveiled the car Sunday at the inauguration of its new global headquarters in Yokohama, south of Tokyo. With the goal of leading the auto industry in the zero-emissions field, Nissan will need the Leaf to be a big success. Mass marketing of the car won't be in full swing until 2012, but the response in the U.S. and other initial release markets should give a good indication of how the car will be received before then. Two more zero-emission models are to follow the Leaf and Nissan expects production to start with around 200,000 units a year at the global roll-out in 2012. "We celebrate today the start of a new chapter of our company's life," Chief Executive Carlos Ghosn said after driving a blue Leaf up to the stage. Allow me to translate that from business-speak to the language that the average person would use: Our sales are down the crapper, just like every other car company. We desperately need something to set us apart from the competition and we’re hoping to God that this will be it. Truth be told, it’s an idea that has as good a chance as any in the automobile industry right now. With oil prices topping $60 and the quest for alternative fuels and energy sources ramping up, an electric car that is both affordable and functional would be a huge seller. “We are seeing electric cars not as a niche car but as a mass-market car," Ghosn said after the inauguration. "The big problem is going to be (production) capacity.” He went on to describe the Leaf as a "powerful car, like having a turbo" charger except with no delay in response since there is no gear shift. Nissan won't be the only car company venturing into the electric car field, as Toyota and Volkswagen have also announced plans to launch electric cars in the next several years. What went unsaid was pricing for the Leaf and its expensive lithium-ion battery that Nissan is considering leasing. As for the car’s performance, the Leaf has a top speed of over 76 mph and a cruising range of at least 100 miles. While I’m sure all of that will be enough to draw in enviro-conscious celebrities like Leo DiCaprio, who can afford the car no matter what its cost, the question is going to remain whether the average consumer can afford it as well……..

- How long has it been since you’ve heard of a truly absurd, offensive lawsuit from someone with an unjustified sense of entitlement? Too long, I’d say. Welcome in Trina Thompson of the Bronx, New York, who oh, so wrongly believes that when a person attends a college or university and earns a degree, that school has a legal right to provide that person with a job immediately upon their graduation. Not a job at the school, mind you, just a job in general. After graduating from New York's Monroe College in April with a bachelor of business administration degree in information technology, Thompson was shocked to find that companies weren’t lining up to hand her a job. Thus, she did what anyone in her position would do - she sued her alma mater for $72,000 -- the full cost of her tuition and then some -- because she cannot find a job. On July 24, she filed suit against the college in Bronx Supreme Court, claiming that Monroe's "Office of Career Advancement did not help me with a full-time job placement. I am also suing them because of the stress I have been going through.” Are you freaking kidding me? The stress that YOU went through? Trina, that’s the same stress everyone goes through, it’s called college. You apply, you get accepted, you attend and fulfill the degree requirements and you earn your degree. Along the way, there are stresses in the form of tough classes, exams, difficult projects and program requirements. You’re not unique or special because you were stressed out by college. Like many colleges, Monroe College offers job-search support to all its students but that support does not guarantee a job and I’m fairly sure that no school would make such a promise because there’s no way they could ever keep it. Those realities didn’t keep Thompson from suing in search of $70,000 in reimbursement for her tuition and $2,000 to compensate for the stress of her three-month job search (Does she want more money for the stress if she continues to not find a job?). All of this is offensive enough, but when you consider Thompson’s academic credentials and performance at Monroe College, the Offensive-O-Meter goes through the roof. She wasn’t valedictorian, summa cum laude or even plain ol’ cum laude. No, she posted a thoroughly mediocre 2.7 grade-point average and a solid attendance record. Yes siree, she was a C+/B- student who showed up for class most of the time and for that reason feels that employers should be brawling with one another to hire her. Could that average GPA be the reason she’s not finding a job? Not according to Thompson, it’s not. She believes Monroe's career-services department has put forth insufficient effort to help her secure employment. “They're supposed to say, 'I got this student, her attendance is good, her GPA is all right -- can you interview this person?' They're not doing that," she said. Seriously? They’re supposed to tell companies who to interview? I don’t know if anyone told you this, but that’s not how the world works. Companies interview and hire who they want, college career-services departments be damned. You besieging companies listed on Monroe's e-recruiting site with cover letters, résumés and phone calls is not going to force them to have you in for an interview. Further insight into Thompson’s twisted point of view can be seen in her claim that that Monroe's Office of Career Advancement shows preferential treatment to students with excellent grades. "They favor more toward students that got a 4.0. They help them more out with the job placement," she said. Again T., it’s not them, it’s you. Companies want to hire those people with a 4.0 because they’re….well, they’re smarter and/or harder workers than you. That’s why they did better in college than you. For an additional lesson on how unfair the world is to mediocre achievers like you, just wait and see how this lawsuit plays out. See, Thompson has not hired an attorney to represent her because she cannot afford one and along with her complaint, she also filed a "poor person order," which exempts her from filing fees associated with the lawsuit. In other words, she’s pursuing this on her own, sans legal council. Chances of winning? I’d put the percentage at even less than her GPA, because 2.7 percent would be far too generous in this case……..

A rural sex ring with weed and booze in Oklahoma, more to the Red Sox's steroid troubles and the warmer, fuzzier Communist Cuba

- I could say that I’m surprised by the actions of Mindy Carder and Ashley Sprague of Beggs, Oklahoma - but I’d be lying. That two women living in a small town in rural Oklahoma have been arrested and charged with operating a sex ring involving underage boys is about as surprising as learning that someone in that same town also owns a John Deere hat. However, the details of this particular sex ring are disturbing because these two women appear to be such utter and complete scumbags. According to local police, the two women seduced the teenage boys using two things (other than sex) that are a given to hook teen boys: booze and the chronic. "In my 18 years of law enforcement this is one of the strangest cases that's unfolded,'" said Beggs Police Chief James Poulin. The case began when a father brought his 14-year-old son to the police station last week and the boy told police of his sexual relationship with Beggs. Acting on that information, police began investigating and found that this was much bigger than one woman committing statutory rape on one 14-year-old boy. "To me it's the same thing as prostitution. It was a big sex ring going on there and these kids knew, ‘Hey we can go have sex, get drugs, we can drink and smoke there without our parents even knowing,'" Poulin said. So Sprague and Beggs lured the boys to their house with the weed and beer, then proceeded to sleep with them and according to one report, possibly give the boys their very first STD. Poulin explains that one of the two scumbags/women, he didn’t say which one, is believed to have a sexually transmitted disease. Perhaps the one who has the STD can share it with the other now that both women are behind bars now in the Okmulgee County Jail. As many as 10 boys are believed to have been involved in the sex ring, although police are continuing to investigate and seek other potential victims to come forward. And why did Carder and Sprague commit these acts? “She said that it brought her back to her teenage years. And that she got 'that look,'" Poulin stated. “There's probably going to be more arrests. The more we learn, we're gonna come get ‘em. We are going to come get them.” So far, Carder has been charged with three counts of statutory rape and one count of contributing to the delinquency of a minor, while Sprague is facing a one count of each of the same two offenses. Wish I could say this was a truly shocking story that I never saw coming, but I think we all know better………

- So the whole rampant-steroid-use-in-the-clubhouse-of-the-Red-Sox story might have more to it than originally thought. Come to find out that Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz’s names appearing on that 2003 list of players who tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs when Major League Baseball was conducting survey testing to determine whether more widespread testing was needed wasn’t the whole story. We’ve since learned that ManRam, now with the L.A. Dodgers, and Ortiz, still with Boston, were under scrutiny by the Red Sox last year along with two former staffers the team believed may have supplied them with PEDs. It’s being reported that the team fired the two security staffers last summer after an investigation into steroid use. Jared Remy, the son of Red Sox television commentator Jerry Remy, and Nicholas Alex Cyr are the two former staffers in question and while both have admitted that they used steroids, both men denied any knowledge of drug use by players. The Red Sox admit to investigating Cyr and Remy but refuse to divulge any details of the investigation, labeling it confidential. Remy is speaking out about the matter and isn’t exactly painting the team in a glowing light. "They didn't ask much at all; they wanted to make it disappear," Jared Remy said. "I was never asked a question from anyone on the Red Sox -- not one. You would've thought they would've asked me something, you know?" The team may not have asked any questions of Remy, but maybe they felt they had all the information they needed after state police confiscated a vial of steroids from Cyr's car just before last year's All-Star break and Cyr told police he had bought the drug from Remy. However, MLB’s investigation of the matter failed to uncover where Remy had obtained the steroids, so I’m not sure how much weight that finding carries. Cyr’s mother said in an interview that in a meeting her son had with an MLB investigator, the official was interested only in whether high-profile members of the team had been using steroids. "That's all he wanted to know," Lindsey Cyr said. "He asked Alex if Alex had ever given any to Manny Ramirez, and he said absolutely not.'' So clearly the Red Sox weren’t surprised when ManRam and Big Papi’s names were revealed to be among the 104 players on that 2003 list and any actions indicating otherwise were an outright sham. Something tells me we haven’t heard the last of this story…….

- The Judd Apatow comedy train still has some steam left in it, just not as much as Apatow, his cast, crew and studio were probably hoping for. Apatow’s latest flick, “Funny People,” led the weekend box office race with an estimated $23.4 million take, better than Apatow's The 40 Year-Old Virgin ($21.4 million) but far lower than the debut for "Knocked Up" ($30.7 million). Winning the earnings race for a weekend is nice, but that accomplishment seems a little less super when you consider that the take for “Funny People” represents the worst opening for a comedy for star Adam Sander since his 2000 bomb "Little Nicky.” Perhaps moviegoers were less excited to see a more serious, thoughtful Apatow flick and thus the bad turnout, I don’t know. Given that the movie was made on a $75 million budget, I’m guessing the studio wasn’t thrilled with the figure from its debut weekend. One film that is having a strong run despite no longer being new and fresh is "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince,” which came in second with $17.7 million. With the boost of its debut on IMAX, every dork’s favorite teen wizard pushed his cumulative total to an impressive $255.5 million and counting. Finishing third for the weekend was "G-Force” with $17.1 million, providing further proof of America’s love affair with gun-toting guinea pigs. And proving that there are still plenty of women 18 to 49 out there who love dragging their unwilling significant others to the theater to see crappy romantic comedies, "The Ugly Truth" took in an additional $13 million for fourth place and a $54.5 million total thus far. The sci-fi family comedy "Aliens in the Attic" rounded out the top five with a modest $7.8 million haul.
One of the notable flops was the torture-centric flick "The Collector," which only managed to collect $3.6 million, good for 11th place. Some lesser-known films had successful weekends on a much smaller scale, as "Adam" ($16,566 per theater), vampire film "Thirst" ($13,793 per theater) and the documentary-esque "The Cove" ($13,600 per theater) all did well in the four theaters they played in. Overall, box office earnings were down a whopping 22 percent from last year, which tends to happen when you don’t have “The Dark Knight" to rely on. Apparently you have finally discovered that there are better things to do than spend time inside a theater watching a crappy summer movie, America, which gives me hope…….

- Is everyone else enjoy the new warmer, fuzzier, more embraceable Cuba as much as I am? Whereas in the old days Cuba was a totalitarian, Communist regime wherein citizens were routinely abused, deprived of their rights and strong-armed by a government that didn’t give a damn what they thought, these days Cuba is….well, a totalitarian, Communist regime wherein citizens were routinely abused, deprived of their rights and strong-armed by a government that didn’t give a damn what they think - but run by a different douche bag dictator. That new douche bag dictator is also known as Cuban President Raul Castro, brother of former douche bag dictator Fidel Castro (whose beard and debonair fashion sense I will always adore). With the United States and Cuba seemingly on the verge of taking significant steps forward in diplomatic relations, Raul Castro made a strong speech to his country’s parliament Saturday, warning that talks with the U.S. are one thing, but that political and regime change are not up for negotiation. "They didn't elect me president to restore capitalism in Cuba, nor to surrender the revolution," Castro declared. "I was elected to defend, maintain and continue perfecting socialism, not to destroy it.” Whoa there, Raul. I most definitely do not appreciate you associating my beloved “R” word - revolution - with that repressive regime of a Communist nation you’re running. Revolutions overthrow the type of government you run, they are not part of its operations. Then again, I didn’t hold out much hope for change when Fidel Castro ceded the presidency to Raul last year. After all, Fidel still has control of the Communist Party and it remains the only legal political party in Cuba. There just isn’t going to be any potential for change in your country when you have all of one legal political party. Thanks for the variety, Cuba! You couldn’t at least throw in an irrelevant, peripheral party like the Green Party or Libertarian Party just for the illusion of variety? And no, I also hold out no hope for change if the rumors are true that Fidel Castro will step down from his post as head of the Communist Party at the next Communist Party Congress (the single biggest party of the year in Cuba, Jaeger bombs all around!). The biggest upside if Fidel Castro does make an appearance to cede control of the party is that it will confirm that dude is in fact still alive. He has not appeared in public since abdominal surgery in 2006, so you never know. If he is alive, I wonder how he handled hearing his brother make a speech in which he actually called some of the measures taken by the Obama administration "positive.” Fidel Castro would rather tattoo the words “Capitalism Rules!” on his forehead than give a compliment to anything done by the U.S. Going forward, this stance of Cuba sticking to its old ways will be juxtaposed against the Obama administration’s insistence that it must see some policy changes from the island dictatorship before it makes further diplomatic concessions and the question becomes who will win the battle. Who knows, we could be headed for Cuban Missile Crisis 2: Castro’s Revenge………

- Could Skype be in danger of an early demise? A legal battle between the online communications system and Joltid, the company that created its technology, could shut Skype down for good. Joltid complains that Skype broke its licensing agreement to use the technology and is looking to terminate the existing licensing agreement. Online auction site eBay owns Skype now and according to the site, if Skype loses the right to use a key part of its software and can't create an adequate replacement, it could lose the ability to operate. "Skype's business as currently conducted would likely not be possible," eBay said in its quarterly filing with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission. Despite this gloom-and-doom talk, don’t think that Skype is going away any time soon. Its more than 480 million registered users can continue to have video or telephone conversations online through its technology can continue to do so for the foreseeable future while this showdown in court plays out. Skype has battled back by filing suit against Joltid and saying it could not terminate the license agreement. This battle won't go to trial until June 2010, so clearly no one is in a hurry to duke this out in court. “Although Skype is confident of its legal position, as with any litigation, there is the possibility of an adverse result if the matter is not resolved through negotiation," eBay writes. "Skype has begun to develop alternative software to that licensed through Joltid. However, such software development may not be successful, may result in loss of functionality or customers even if successful, and will in any event be expensive.” In order to be fair and give Joltid its say, the company claims that Skype "accessed Joltid's source code and modified it -- Joltid then claimed a breach of license. Joltid is enforcing its rights in the courts. Like any member of the creative industries, Joltid will defend its innovations with determination." Of course, Skype denies any breach and so on we go through the roller coast of litigation fun that surely lurks ahead……..

Afghans get their chance to join the porn downloading/Internet community, the Red Hot Chili Peppers reunite and bigotry in college football

- What is the price of insensitive, bigoted comments made by a football coach at a major Division I university in a public setting? Allow me to answer that by pointing you to the case of Hawaii coach Greg McMackin, who was suspended for 30 days without pay and has volunteered to take an additional 7 percent pay cut from his $1.1 million salary for making a derogatory comment while describing Notre Dame's chant before last year's Hawaii Bowl. Speaking at the Western Athletic Conference football preview in Salt Lake City, a bitter McMackin called the chant “gay,” then asked media members to let his comment go. Probably shouldn’t be making that comment at your conference media day, but that’s just me. The outcry once McMackin’s comments became publicly known was swift and severe. Gov. Linda Lingle has stepped up to rip the coach, as have gay and lesbian groups. On Friday, a tearful McMackin addressed the issue after meeting with school officials for several hours. “I just want to say I made a big mistake. I want to apologize to everyone and anyone that I offended with my remarks," he said. "I'm committed to do whatever I can to use this as a life lesson to learn from my mistake. When we make mistakes, we have to learn from it and make better people of ourselves.” McMackin’s lesson will lessen his 2009 salary by $169,000, but dude will remain with the team on a voluntary basis during the suspension. Yes, he’s basically just forfeiting a small chunk of his salary that he can more than afford to lose. I realize that he didn’t commit a crime and that his words were not hateful and malignant, but if you’re going to punish a guy for using a homosexual slur in a public setting and embarrassing your university in the process, at least make his suspension a real one. Keep him from the team for 30 days if you truly want to punish the guy. Zero props to Chancellor Virginia Hinshaw for not doing more than issue McMackin a small slap on the wrist. “We all recognize that Coach McMackin made a serious mistake that has hurt many people and brought negative attention to our state and university," Hinshaw said. Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis has also chimed in on McMackin’s comments and although Weis admitted he and his program were offended by them, he believes it’s time to move on. “Coach McMackin demonstrated poor judgment when, while making comments critical of our football program, he used a derogatory word," Weis said in a statement. "Speaking only for our football program, we were offended by the remarks.” I’m with Weis and I do think that these comments are not the end of the world or cause to crucify McMackin and end his career. Sure, these words will stick to him and he’ll have a stigma attached to his name for a while, but he deserves it. As for the University of Hawaii, hopefully the administration learns how to either a) hand out actual punishment/discipline when warranted or b) gives up the false pretense of doing so and just makes it official policy to let everything slide……

- Philadelphia, perhaps not the city of brotherly love? Or at least not the city of love for brothers, not if you believe the claims made in a civil complaint filed against the city by black employees at a city waste transfer plant. The workers claim they were harassed, humiliated and discriminated against by their supervisor for decades. Among the allegations in the complaint is that for decades, John Gill, the Northwest Transfer Station's superintendent, limited one restroom to whites only and called it the "supervisors' bathroom.”
Some time around 1996, black employees clued in to the fact that Gill was mistreating them. “If you tried to use the bathroom, you might get suspended," said Leslie Young, a former worker at the facility. She and former co-worker Gibson Trowery, who still works at the station, filed a complaint with the Pennsylvania Human Relations Commission in October 2007. They allege that Gill had a lock put on the bathroom door and only gave keys to white workers. The nearest restroom for black employees, the suit alleges, was down five flights of stairs and was "not in the greatest condition.” Gill isn’t exactly coming across as incredibly likeable or right in addressing the claims made in the suit, saying, "If you want to write a fair story, wait for after the trial to finish writing it.” Notice there’s no, “This is a bogus lawsuit, its claims are false and I will be vindicated.” He’s merely issuing a terse reply urging everyone to shut up and leave him alone until after the trial. But I guess that’ll happen to an (alleged) racist whose enemies are seeking his dismissal and monetary damages. At this point, perhaps you’re asking why all of this fuss is being made over a bathroom. I might agree with you except for the fact that this dispute extends far beyond a convenient commode. Black employees at the transfer station complained that they were stuck with the oldest garbage trucks while whites were often upgraded to newer vehicles. “Gill would hide the white drivers' keys and pretend that he didn't know where they were," Trowery said. "But I saw him keep the keys in his drawer." Another allegation made against Gill in the lawsuit is that in the especially hot summer of 2007, he would only allow whites access to a water cooler kept in his barricaded office while black employees were forced to use a water fountain elsewhere in the building. Yet another former employee at the facility, Walter Bingham, claims that Gill made a point of allowing white workers to schedule their vacation times for the coming year on December 31, leaving black employees with the leftover dates for their own vacation time. On one hand I hope these allegations aren’t true because they’re pretty freaking ugly and offensive. I just don’t want to believe that there is someone out there with such a bigoted, backwards attitude to people of a different race. Unfortunately I know better and something tells me there’s at least some truth to what is being alleged……..

- For all the bad music news that has come across the wire lately (thanks Hack Eyed Peas!), here’s some positive news. The Red Hot Chili Peppers are reuniting and despite numerous side projects including Chad Smith another Chickenfoot tour and the first release of his instrumental side band Chad Smith's Bombastic Meatbats, the drummer is ready to rejoin his RHCP bandmates and end a one-year break that turned into two after touring to support 2005's "Stadium Arcadium." The reunion is definite, but that’s the only thing that the band has decided on at this point. Smith says he and his bandmates also "haven't talked about" who will produce or when the album will be released, although Rick Rubin has been at the board to produce the group’s last five albums and in Smiths words, "always ends up being the guy.” Smith explains that bassist Flea and guitarist John Frusciante will likely come in with some ideas for how the album should sound, but for the most part the band will simply jam, brainstorm and allow the writing process to take them wherever it wants. There is also a question of how Smith will be able to balance his work with Chickenfoot and the new Chili Peppers album, but the other members of the all-star group have assured him they'll continue to work according to his schedule. Up ahead for Chickenfoot is a tour that commences Aug. 2 in Halifax and will film one or two more of its upcoming shows for a possible DVD release. As of all of that wasn’t enough, Smith seems determined to channel his inner Jack White and have as many projects going on simultaneously as possible. While White has the White Stripes, Raconteurs and Dead Weather, Smith has three projects of his own and seems pretty pumped to get Meatbats, a group that formed a few years back as an outgrowth of Smith, guitarist Jeff Kolman and keyboardist Ed Roth's work with Glenn Hughes, out there. The band formed in 2007 and have worked together sporadically since then, although their upcoming album will be their first as a band. The debut album, which comes out Sept. 15, will be followed by a second project that the Meatbats have already recorded and which will be out in early 2010, along with a live album at the Baked Potato in Los Angeles. Having said all of that, I have to imagine that the RHCP reunion is the one that will draw the most interest and excitement from music fans and I can’t really argue with that…….

- Think this bride would like a mulligan on her nuptials? I don’t know the woman’s name or anything about her, but I know plenty about her new husband and that’s what has me thinking that she might want to reconsider her choice of spouse. Sean Kelly said his “I do’s” with his new bride on July 26 and the ceremony itself apparently went well enough. It was at the reception where the day took a wrong turn for Kelly, who decided at some point between the best man’s speech and the Macarena that it was a good time to throw down with his roommate and new brother-in-law Jason Wiesk. Maybe there were words exchanged about who would get the 27” color TV from their living room when Kelly moved out, I don’t know. What I do know is that Kelly hit Wiesk with a haymaker and sparked off a brawl between his family and his new wife’s family. Things spun out of control and someone had the good sense to call the police, who rolled up on the wedding in Woodstock, Illinois, arrested the groom and charged him with domestic battery. Had the evening ended there, it would have been bad enough, but of course there’s more. With the cops on the scene, Kelly asked to go to his car to give some things to his brothers before heading off to spend his wedding night in the can. What did he want to give to his brothers? Maybe their groomsmen’s gifts or something else wedding-related? No, that would make too much sense. Kelly returned from his car with six unregistered guns and thirty-nine rounds of ammunition, making him the single dumbest man in the state of Illinois. Carrying unregistered guns and ammo right in front of cops you know are there is the textbook definition of moronic. In addition to that charge of domestic battery, Kelly was charged with seven counts of possession of firearms without a proper license. My condolences to his wife for a) the worst wedding day ever and b) marrying such a ginormous tool……..

- Big time for you, Afghans. It’s your chance to catch up to the rest of the civilized world when it comes to downloading porn, buying useless crap off of eBay and following the completely mundane details of ordinary people’s lives on Twitter. In case you hadn’t guessed by now what I’m referring to, it’s the rapid expansion of Afghanistan’s fiber-optic network that will drive down prices for Internet services dramatically, extending access to ordinary Afghans and giving them a chance to experience the same twisted online world that the rest of us have grown to love. With fiber-optic cables running to Tajikistan and Uzbekistan, Average Joe Afghan will finally be able to get reasonably priced Internet service. In the past, the only option had been through satellite links to other nations, a very expensive choice that limited Internet usage to just 3 percent of the Afghan population. Afghan officials believe that these new cables will substantially expand business and educational opportunities in a country where both are in short supply. What I think is that the Internet in Afghanistan is going to go the exact same way it has gone in every other country where the Internet has become available: chiefly as a means for the freaks, pervs and degenerates of society to get their freak on, mostly in the form of downloading as much porn as possible. Like it or not, that’s fact. But back to the theoretical positive benefits that Afghan officials would like to believe are what this project is all about. “The project of fiber was supposed to last 18 months, and it is [now] seven years," says Mohammad him Yousufi, managing director of a Kabul-based Internet service provider (ISP) called Afghan ICT Solution. Afghans can thank the World Bank for funding this project, which will loop the country's major cities along a giant ring with spurs heading off to neighboring nations. However, the country’s raging war(s) between various factions and foreign militaries occupying parts of Afghanistan have left huge, important chunks of the line incomplete. The new Tajik line completed last month delivered the critical first outside connection and it was followed by the connection to Uzbekistan. This project puts Afghanistan on the same level as nearby Nepal and Bangladesh in porn-downloading, er, Internet access capabilities. Officials in Afghanistan are hoping that the new fiber-optic network will entice companies to consider opening call centers in Afghanistan as well. If nothing else, the people of Afghanistan can now have the same chance as everyone else to infect their computers with a virus when they attempt to download that video of Erin Andrews undressing in her hotel room…….

The Cleveland Indians get f***ed over, The Man ruins the fun of UCLA's Undie Run and geese put on blast in Indiana

- Attention PETA freaks: you’re not going to like what’s going on at the Round Barn Golf Club in Rochester, Ind. You all won't like it, but trust me when I say that the rest of us will - a lot. Round Barn Golf Club has been fighting a losing battle with as many as 1,000 Canada geese that spend the winter on its property. The geese makes a mess of the course, leaving droppings everywhere and tearing up the fairways and greens. The geese can also be problematic if they hang around once the weather warms up, getting in the way of players and making a nuisance of themselves. Officials at the golf course say they’re tried everything imaginable to drive the geese away, including starter pistols and air horns. Nothing has worked and now management has had just about enough of their fowl visitors. So what do you do to ward off pesky, messy birds that have worn out their welcome? Obviously, the next step is going to your city council and asking for permission to break out the guns and blast the crap out of the birds, which is just what the club did. And sure enough, the Rochester City Council has approved a plan to allow geese hunting at the course, effectively immediately. No longer will the geese damage the turf and make a mess on the grounds. The club will seek about five off-duty police officers to do the hunting during off-season, which I guess is fine. Personally I’m handing out rifles and shotguns to every golfer who pays greens fees and tees off, but that’s just me. Why wait until off-season? If there is even one goose on the grounds, you arm every golfer with a gun and make sure that goose is dead, dead, dead. Send a message now and maybe you won't have 1,000 geese to contend with once the off-season rolls around. I’m just trying to think proactively here and offend as many PETA ass hats as possible in the process, I do what I can…….

- Cows are typically good for one of two things on a farm: beef or milk. Either a cow is on its way to becoming hamburger or it’s providing the starting materials for the cheese to top that burger. That’s not the case on Shawn Saylor’s farm, some 90 minutes from Pittsburgh. His family has owned the dairy farm for nearly a century, but for the past three years the cows there have been pulling double duty. To combat rising energy costs, Saylor used his love of science to come up with an alternative energy source: manure from about 600 cows. “It's a pretty simple process. There's not really a lot to it," Saylor said. "Manure comes from the cows, and there's energy left in the manure.” It’s actually a bit more complicated than that, but the basis of the idea is a process known as anaerobic digestion. Basically, manure is dropped into a 19,000-gallon tank, then moved into the digester, which is 16 feet deep and 70 feet in diameter. For 16 days, the manure is heated while the bacteria break down the organic matter in order to produce methane gas, which is burned in two engine generators to make electricity. The heat created by the generators keeps the digester hot, heats the buildings around the farm and helps provide hot water. There is enough electricity created by the process to power not only the farm but also a dozen neighboring homes and still have still left over, which Saylor sells back to the grid. So just how much does the poop power save Saylor? "In savings, there's $200,000 a year, in either extra income from sale of electricity or cost offsets," he said. “So you're talking about system project costs of over a million dollars to build the system but a payback of five years or less.” The system also has a nice side benefit of reducing the odor that would otherwise linger from the manure and choke the nostrils of anyone in the vicinity. "The farm used to get a lot of complaints from motorists, which is understandable. It used to stink a lot,” Saylor admitted. Now, the digesters reduce 98 percent of all odor. It seems like a story too good to be true, but the reality is that Saylor still has work to do. He intends to make his farm entirely self-sufficient by using waste vegetable oil to make biodiesel fuel. All of this has been made possible by a $600,000 grant from Pennsylvania's Department of Environmental Protection that helped Saylor get his project rolling in 2006 and now it’s turned into a truly amazing tale……

- Dammit, UCLA officials, you are a bunch of fun-hating tools and you’re ruining a good thing. For nearly a decade, UCLA students have staged the Undie Run three times a year as a way to relieve stress during finals week. As with all things good, goofy and innocent, The Man has to find a way to ruin the fun. Using the false pretense of safety concerns, UCLA administrators told student leaders Tuesday that the university will no longer allow the Undie Run. For those of you unfamiliar with this rollicking good time, the Undie Run involves students running through campus, many in their un