- Bad news for you, gambling degenerates of Delaware. A federal appeals court in Philadelphia ruled Monday that sports betting in Delaware would violate a 1992 federal ban on such wagering, meaning that your state will not be able to take the bets it was planning on taking starting next month. The court’s rulings effectively halts those plans and should be good news for Major League Baseball, the NBA, NFL, NHL and the NCAA, which all opposed the plan on the grounds that it violated the federal Professional and Amateur Sports Protection Act, would harm their reputations and expose kids to gambling. Lining up against those leagues was Delaware Gov. Jack Markell, who views sports betting as a means to rectify he’s state’s massive budget deficit thanks to an unprecedented shortfall in state tax revenues. In that sense, he’s not alone. States across the country are attempting to find ways to balance their budgets, with those attempts ranging from the logical (taxing cigarettes more) to the innovative (legalizing and taxing marijuana) and even the bizarre (a pole tax on strip clubs). However, the sports betting tact was definitely one of the most controversial measures and at least publicly, the attorneys who argued the case for the state appeared stunned by the ruling. “We're very disappointed with today's ruling," said Michael Barlow, the governor's legal counsel. I bet you are, Mike. The money a state could make off losers and degenerate gamblers who don’t realize that gambling is a tax on the stupid would be astounding. Laws on sports betting are confusing and convoluted, with four states – including Delaware - exempted from the federal ban on sports betting because it once ran an NFL sports lottery in 1976 that required parlay, or multiple bets, on at least three games. When the 1992 sports betting law was enacted, it restricted sports betting to the four states that met a deadline to sign up for it: Nevada, Delaware, Montana and Oregon. The sports leagues and organizations arguing against the sports betting plan in Delaware argued that the exemption does not allow Delaware to offer bets on single games, or on sports other than professional football. The court, led by Judge Theodore McKee, agreed with that argument. It ruled that the betting plan as currently structured violates the federal ban. Even with the ruling, the state could still go forward with parlay bets on NFL games, which the leagues concede are legal. Another option would be to appeal the ruling to the full appeals court, or to the U.S. Supreme Court. Key to this defeat seemed to be the court’s question to the state of what would happen if the state began sports betting in September, then had it declared illegal by the district court several months later. Individual bettors would have lost hundreds or thousands of dollars on what essentially was an illegal state scheme, McKee said. This is definitely a heated battle and one I don’t expect the state to give up on. However, it’s also not a battle I expect the state to win in the end……..
- I have to admit, I laughed and laughed and laughed when I first heard this story. In fact, I’m fairly certain that you’ll have the same reaction and yet there is at least one government official in Cairns, Australia who would be very, very upset with us for thinking it’s funny. Basically, some intrepid prankster decided that smearing glue on a toilet seat in a public restroom at a mall would be a great idea. From where I stand, this prankster was 100 percent correct, although I would never commit the prank simply because I am forever revolted by public restrooms and especially toilets in public restrooms, so touching one to put glue on it would be a no-go. But this individual was able to overcome his or her gag reflex, put the glue on the seat and make a clean getaway. Shortly thereafter, a 58-year-old man sat down on the toilet seat, had it adhere to his butt and was subsequently taken to a hospital to have it removed. At this point, I am torn. Sure, I could have sympathy for this poor guy with a toilet seat stuck to his ass. However, on the rare occasion when I have been forced to use a toilet in a public restroom, I have never, ever made contact with the actual toilet seat. This dude would have done well to remember one word: hover. But hover he did not and as such, an ambulance had to be called to remove man from toilet seat and break the bond of the fast-acting adhesive glue used by our heroic prankster. Even after the toilet seat was removed, paramedics still took the man to the hospital as a precautionary measure. The aforementioned government official desperately in need of a sense of humor would be Di Forsyth, who clearly is not a fan of a good prank. "I'm disgusted that a gentlemen has had to go through that because someone thinks it's funny," Forsyth said. "It's a sick joke." Forsyth added that while not injured by the incident, the victim was "extremely embarrassed" by his experience. One final note in this case is that police are urging possible witnesses to this “crime” to come forward, a plea I am strongly urging anyone who actually saw this happen to ignore. Don’t be a rat, don’t narc out someone who pulled a hilarious prank and don’t you dare help The Man find the responsible party…….
- Degenerate losers with no friends and no lives are doing it, kids are doing it, so why not firefighters? Of course, I am referring to the phenomenon that is video games in this country. Whether it’s Halo, Madden ’10 or any of the other litany of games and game consoles – Wii, Xbox, PlayStation – that are extremely popular, gaming is everywhere and video games are being used for purposes other than their normal one – providing some semblance of an actual social life for people without one. Now that cities across the nation are facing budget cuts that are forcing them to scale back programs and services, many communities are turning to computer simulations to ensure their firefighters are ready to take charge when they arrive at the next real fire. To heck with the old-fashioned, hands-on training sessions. Towns like Wheat Ridge, Colorado are moving onward and upward – assuming that by onward and upward, you mean they’re having their firefighters sit down in front of a TV screen and get their inner gamer on. “In our current economic crisis that we are facing we have to be prudent with our dollars," Wheat Ridge Fire Chief Steven Gillespie said. "The reality is that we just don't fight that many fires anymore, so a lot of our members don't have the exposure of making decisions under stressful situations.” Yes, and nothing is more stressful than controlling an animated character on your 27” flat screen, knowing that if you make one wrong move, that little artificial person will lose his or her non-existent life. So last week, the Wheat Ridge Fire Department became the first in Colorado to stage a training session that looked a whole lot like a bunch of no-friend-having dorks gathering in someone’s basement for a marathon World of Warcraft session. Several of the department’s firefighters gathered in front of a video screen, controllers in hand, and fought a virtual house fire. Instead of venturing out into the real world, where real fires and real simulations happen, they were able to accomplish this from the comfort of an air conditioned room at Wheat Ridge Fire Station 1. In spite of this slightly ridiculous image, Gillespie claims that the computer simulation, which also includes other firefighters placed in a separate room where they make decisions about how the firefighters next door should respond, is challenging. "Some of our members have equated that it is actually harder in the command box than it is commanding the fire in the streets," Gillespie said. The first round of virtual training included only Wheat Ridge’s fire commanders, but the department plans to expand it to include all firefighters, as well as continuing to offer the training to other Colorado fire departments. So if you live in the thriving metropolis of Wheat Ridge and your home or business catches on fire, rest assured that men and women who have in-depth training fighting virtual fires on a TV screen will be riding to the rescue……..
- Let’s face it, the appendix has long gotten a bum rap in the human body. It doesn’t provide vital filtering like the kidneys, it doesn’t pump blood like the heart or pull oxygen from inhaled air like the lungs. In fact, the commonly-held belief is that the appendix is little more than a waste of space that many people end up having removed anyhow. Thankfully, a group of researchers at Duke University Medical Center in Durham, N.C. are taking up for the appendix and showing that it just might have value after all. In fact, researcher William Parker and his team may have found evidence to suggest that the appendix a) possesses a critical function and b) appears in nature a lot more often than before thought. "Maybe it's time to correct the textbooks," said Parker, an immunologist at Duke University Medical Center. "Many biology texts today still refer to the appendix as a 'vestigial organ.'” The appendix, technically known as the vermiform appendix, is basically a slimy sac that hangs between the small and large intestines (prime internal organ real estate if you ask me). The first scientist to suggest that the appendix was nothing more than a vestigial organ was none other than old Chuck Darwin. "Everybody likely knows at least one person who had to get their appendix taken out - slightly more than 1 in 20 people do - and they see there are no ill effects, and this suggests that you don't need it," Parker said. Still, he and his research team conducted a study showing that the appendix still served as a vital safehouse where good bacteria could lie in wait until they were needed to repopulate the gut after a nasty case of diarrhea. Previous studies have also shown that the appendix can help make, direct and train white blood cells. Parker went on to contradict Darwin’s theories about the appendix, saying it has been around for a long time and wasn’t merely a lately evolutionary byproduct (if you’re someone who believes in evolution, which I do not). “The appendix has been around for at least 80 million years, much longer than we would estimate if Darwin's ideas about the appendix were correct," Parker said. "When species are divided into groups called 'families,' we find that more than 70 percent of all primate and rodent groups contain species with an appendix.” Aside from that 80 million-year figure, there are some extremely interesting and cogent points in Parker’s analysis. White blood cells are obviously important in the immune system when it comes to fighting diseases and infections, so if the appendix can aid in that battle, big ups to the appendix. Not that I needed any additional reasons to completely disagree with Darwin, but it’s always nice to have one. So now that we know the appendix has an actual function and purpose, the question being asked is whether anything can be done to prevent appendicitis. Parker suggests it might be possible to devise ways to incite our immune systems today in much the same manner that they were challenged back in the Stone Age. To read more on this study, I suggest you do what I do, namely subscribe to the Journal of Evolutionary Biology and get your hands on the publication’s August 12 issue, or simply browse its Web site for the story……..
- The comeback is picking up steam for Jay-Z, who announced Monday that he will give a benefit concert at New York's Madison Square Garden on September 11th, the same day his eleventh studio album, "The Blueprint 3," hits shelves. The first two singles from the new album -- "D.O.A." and "Run This Town" -- reached No. 24 and No. 3 respectively on the Billboard Hot 100 chart this week, although we’ve established before how meaningless those lists are in determining what’s good music and what is not. Besides, a hip-hop legend like H.O.V.A. doesn’t need a top ranking on some bogus rankings list to validate any of his music. In addition to those two songs, two other tracks from “Blueprint 3” leaked online Sunday, giving fans a chance to hear "Off That" featuring Drake and produced by Timbaland, and "Reminder," also produced by Timbaland, before the whole album drops. I’ve lost count of how many comebacks this makes for Jay-Z following his many retirements, but let’s just say that unlike that a-hole Brett Favre, I’m always glad to see Jay-Z make a comeback. The benefit concert at MSG will raise money for an awesome cause, the New York Police and Fire Widows' and Children's Benefit Fund. It’s a charity created to support the families of police officers and firefighters who have died in the line of duty. It will be the second time Jay-Z has performed in the New York area in the past few months after his appearance on July 31 at the All Points West festival when he stepped in at the last minute replace the Beastie Boys, who had to cancel due to rapper Adam Yauch's cancer diagnosis. Ticket information for the benefit concert information will be announced shortly, but if you can’t make it to the show, it will be broadcast by Fuse. Good to have you back, H.O.V.A., hip-hop isn't the same without you……..
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