- And the sham continues in Iran. Even as hundreds of protesters gathered and stared down riot police out in force on the streets of Tehran, fraudulently elected Iranian president/dictator President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad took the oath of office Wednesday, beginning a second term in a country where the majority of the people probably voted for someone else. Whereas a presidential inauguration is generally a happy, proud event for a country, this one took place with a bevy of security forces guarding the building and nearby streets because protests were all but assured. A bitter Ahmadinejad took the chance to fire shots at countries that haven’t exactly rushed to recognize and respect his bogus re-election. He reserved much of his wrath for United States, which has not sent a formal letter of congratulations to him. “They said they would recognize the election, but will not congratulate," Ahmadinejad said in his inaugural speech. "This means they only want democracy at the service of their interests and don't respect the people's vote and rights. Nobody in Iran is waiting for anyone's congratulations.” Umm, sounds like you are, actually. And don’t confuse not recognizing someone who stole an election through vote rigging and intimidation with not respecting the wishes of the people, M. You may have deluded yourself into believing that you won the election with almost two-thirds of the vote, just don’t expect anyone else to do the same. The Obama administration isn’t exactly rushing to salute Ahmadinejad on his supposed re-election. When asked whether the White House recognizes Ahmadinejad as the rightful leader of Iran, press secretary Robert Gibbs grudgingly offered, "He's the elected leader. It's not for me or for us to denote his legitimacy, except to acknowledge the fact. Whether any election was fair, obviously the Iranian people still have questions about that, and we'll let them decide that.” Why Ahmadinejad was expecting a letter of congratulations from the U.S., I don’t know. After all, the United States and Iran have had no diplomatic relations since 1980. Besides, how can you have a beef with anyone else’s failure to recognize your alleged re-election if an inordinate number of empty seats were visible in the hall where the inauguration took place? Those seats were reserved for various government officials and if they’re not showing up for the ceremony, it’s not because they had a friend’s birthday party to go to or a family reunion. They’re still pissed about the issue that Ahmadinejad was looking to blow right by in his inauguration speech when he mistakenly declared, “Who has voted for whom -- this is not the question. Today we need a national resolve. Today we need to join forces.” It’s a nice rallying cry….until you use it to try and slip right past lingering questions about the legitimacy of your election victory. Lest my man Mahmoud forget, his chief rival, reformist Mir Hossein Moussavi, called the elections a "fraud.” There remains the matter of dealing with the rampant post-election, anti-Ahmadinejad protests that have resulted in hundreds of arrests and at least 30 deaths. So perhaps Dictator Ahmadinejad should worry less about who is sending him congratulatory notes and fruit baskets and more about keeping his country from ripping apart at the seams……
- I have to admit, this next story disturbs the hell out of me and I sincerely wish that it had never come to light. My all-time favorite infomercial pitch man, the iconic Billy Mays, was a coke head. It pains me to say that, but thankfully I’m just relaying the message from the autopsy report issued Friday by Dr. Leszek Chrostowski, the associate medical examiner who conducted the autopsy for Hillsborough County, Florida. The autopsy cites cocaine as a contributing factor in Mays’ death in June. “Mays died from a lethal arrhythmia of the heart caused by hypertensive and arteriosclerotic heart disease," the county said in a statement. “He (Chrostowski) further concluded that cocaine use caused or contributed to the development of his heart disease, and therefore contributed to his death.” Toxicology tests detected only breakdown products of cocaine, not the drug itself, so Chrostowski concluded that Mays had used cocaine "in the few days prior to death but not immediately prior to death.” Aside from the obvious and well-known effects of blow, it can also raise blood pressure and thicken the wall of the left ventricle of the heart. Honestly, I’m not sure how to react to this. Mays was a powerful, energetic and enthusiastic voice for the products he endorsed, items such as OxiClean, Orange Glo, Mighty Putty and that pen you can use to draw on your car and cover up scratches in the paint like they were never there. Learning that his act was fueled by the Bolivian marching powder….yikes. Not only that, the autopsy also found low concentrations of ethyl alcohol "consistent with social consumption of a few beverages" as well as the narcotic drugs hydrocodone, oxycodone and tramadol. Fortunately those were drugs for which Mays had prescriptions and which he used to ease hip pain, but the fact that he was taking those drugs, along with two tranquilizers -- alprazolam (Xanax) and diazepam (Valium) -- AND had a coke habit, that’s pretty scary. You mix that many drugs together, throw in booze and this guy appears to have been a ticking time bomb. It’s true with athletes, celebrities and entertainers that you never truly know these people and they often have dark, terrible secrets in their lives. I suppose I was just hoping that it wasn’t true with my man Billy Mays……..
-It’s been a tough summer for small-school football players and manual labor. You may recall that last month, Joe Windscheffel, a linebacker/safety for NCAA Division II power Pittsburg State, suffered a compound fracture of his left arm after being attacked, bitten and dragged by an angry zebra on the farm where he was working. Now comes word that Appalachian State starting quarterback Armanti Edwards will miss two to four weeks after injuring his right foot in a mowing accident. He was mowing the lawn at his off-campus residence Wednesday in Boone, N.C. when the mower rolled down a steep hill back at him and sliced up his foot pretty good. The three-time All-American was taken to Watauga Medical Center, where he was treated and released. Thankfully Edwards only needed stitches and didn’t suffer any injuries to bones or tendons. “First of all, we're all fortunate and grateful that Armanti wasn't more seriously injured in this accident," Appalachian State coach Jerry Moore said. "It's unfortunate for him because he has put a lot of energy into being a great leader on and off the field this summer ... But, as he's demonstrated many times, his toughness is second-to-none. So I'm confident that he'll be back on the field with his teammates as soon as possible.” Even so, the lawnmower incident could prevent Edwards from being on the field when the Mountaineers open their season Sept. 5 against East Carolina. With training camps now getting started and practices underway, there shouldn’t be much of a need for this warning, but I’m giving it anyhow: Attention all small-school football players. If you find yourself in a situation where you are called upon to perform manual labor, either at home or for a job, exercise extreme caution. No matter what the gig is, wear a helmet, your football pads, shin guards and bubble wrap all exposed parts of your body. Danger is lurking and you don’t want to be next. You’ve been forewarned…….
- Never has a more appropriate musical match been made than having hack jobs like Katy Perry and former Spice Girl Victoria Beckham as guest judges on "American Karaoke" this upcoming season to help replace the insane-and-departing Paula Abdul. Sure, replacing a drug-addled ditz/former Laker Girl with a bloated ego with two hack pop “singers” who badly warble crappy pop songs written for them by others isn’t an apples-for-apples trade, but it’s close enough. However, signing Perry and Beckham as guest judges hasn’t satisfied AK’s producers in terms of feeling they have an adequate judging panel to assess the sh*tty performances of their aspiring karaoke-ers. They are continuing to search for a permanent, fourth judge to sit in Abdul's seat when the ninth season of the show returns to TV in early 2010. And yes, the fact that AK is in its ninth season causes me so much shame as an American that moving to Kazakhstan seems like an upgrade by comparison. Now I’m certain that some of you no-taste-in-music losers out there are devastated that Abdul and his bizarre, pain-med fueled persona is gone from the show you like to bastardize your musical credibility by watching, but that’s your problem. Abdul announced her departure via Twitter after failing in her cash grab, er, to negotiate a fair contract with the company that produces AK. Fox was more than happy to slam to door on her as she left, barely blinking and shedding no tears. "We made an offer that we feel was very fair. It was a substantial raise. It was not our choice,” said Peter Rice, chairman of entertainment at Fox. Producer Nigel Lythgoe is apparently viewing this split as a chance to infuse his own TV contest show on Fox, "So You Think You Can Dance,” with a healthy dose of crazy. “I've been trying to get her since season one (of "So You Think You Can Dance),” Lythgoe said. As for AK and it’s two replacement jokes, er, judges….wow. What can I say about a former pop tart who took part in one of the most offensive, contrived and bogus musical acts of all time and a chick whose chief accomplishment thus far has been a sugary, sham-tastic pop song about kissing other chicks? Neither of these two have a shred of musical credibility, which ironically makes them perfect to judge AK. Both are train wrecks who wouldn’t know good music if they were drowned in a vat of it. Putting on skin-tight leather outfits and lip-syncing in cheesy, overproduced music videos for your processed pop songs doesn’t qualify you for much, but judging AK is one of those things and as such, Perry and Beckham are right where they belong……
- I have a beef with the nation's Drug Czar and Gil Kerlikowske has only been on the job three months. While many forward-thinking groups and individuals around the country are warming to the idea of legalizing marijuana, the former Seattle Police Chief is taking an ill-advised, idiotic stance on the legalization of the hippie lettuce. He….well, I’ll leave it to Kerlikowske to dig his own grave. He was quoted recently as saying "marijuana is dangerous and has no medicinal benefit." Those moronic comments were made in Seattle at a roundtable discussion on drug policy. "I certainly said that legalization is not in the president's vocabulary nor is it in mine," Kerlikowske said. "But the other question was in reference to smoked marijuana. And as we know, the FDA has not determined that smoked marijuana has a value, and this is clearly a medical question and that's where I've been leaving it." Are you freaking kidding me? Smoking the chronic has no value? How do you explain the immense boost to the snack food industry that comes from stoners looking to quell their case of the munchies after getting baked? That’s not value? Or what about the bevy of Planet Earth DVD’s bought by stoners to watch while they lay on the couch, stoned out of their mind? That too is value, my friend. Also, think of all the violent crime stoners don’t commit and all the havoc they don’t wreak because they’re mellowing out on their couch, downing Cheetos and taking bong rips. On top of all of this, governments around the country that are badly in need of additional revenue sources would make a killing on taxing the hippie lettuce. In spite of this reality, Kerlikowske idiotically insists on being a dumbass when it comes to making tree legal for the masses. “You know from the University of Washington, the number-one call from young people for treatment here, after alcohol, is marijuana. So I'm not seeing the benefit to society with legalization at all.” This dude’s short-sightedness is infuriating to me and I’m ready to fly to Washington to soundly kick his ass. Of course, Kerlikowske is ducking me by taking “business trips” to Mexico next month and Afghanistan in the fall, but rest assured, stoners of America, that I am committed to fighting on your behalf……..
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