Greek's season premiere, the NFL continues to stamp out all vestiges of individuality and Bill Gates looking to control the weather

- I know this is no surprise and I know it’s NFL policy to police the most minute, innocuous details of anything that goes on before, during and after every game, but none of that makes this any less ridiculous. The league has fined Cincinnati Bengals receiver Chad Ochocinco $5,000 for….wait for it….wait for it….. wearing an orange chin strap during a preseason game - seriously. Of all the things Ochocinco has done on the field - the many entertaining/illegal touchdown celebrations and antics - and he gets touched up for wearing a tiny piece of plastic that’s the wrong color? Child, please. No, this isn't an issue because of the fine itself. Ochocinco and any NFL player can afford $5,000, especially since that money will be donated to a charity. Rather, it’s about the no-fun a-holes in the NFL office who feel that they must legislate every last ounce of individuality and fun out of the game. Ochocinco shared his thought on the fine on his Twitter page Saturday, saying, "WTF I got a damn fine already, it's the damn preseason, this is some b-------!!!!" Sure, NFL Rule 5, Section 4, Article 3(a) specifies that all players must wear a "Helmet with chin strap (white only) fastened and face mask attached.” So yes, the rule is there in the rulebook, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. The league can make all sorts of inane and pointless rules and write them down, but that only makes them look worse, not the players they are fining. As you’d expect from the enigma that is Ochocinco, he also Tweeted that he is going to sue the NFL for discrimination. "Im sueing [sic] the NFL," he wrote at about 1:45 p.m. ET, "I am color blind so this fine is discriminating because I'm disabled in a way, this is a sad day for me:(" Sure thing, Chad. He’s not going to sue the NFL and like most everything this guy does, that Tweet is all about drumming up more attention for himself. To that end, he also posted a photograph of the letter he received from the league informing him of the fine. However, this is one case where I’m going to have to side with Ochocinco and agree that the NFL is patently absurd and has crossed the line from maintaining professionalism and decorum in its games to becoming the anal retentive, overbearing fun police that are sucking the joy out of professional football………

- Rather than make a quantum leap forward in time from the end of last season, tonight’s season premiere of Greek was set the day after the Kappa Tau’s “End of the World” party capped Season 3 of the show. For Rusty Cartwright, that meant dealing with the consequences of his decision to blow off the remainder of his organic chemistry extra credit project designed to help him boost his grade after earning a D on his midterm. With 24 hours to go before he needs to show the results of his extra credit project to his advisor, Dr. Hastings, Rusty needs to find a way to get back into the chemistry building to finish the project. Doing so means he must say no to spending a day with girlfriend Jordan, who wants to drive up to Canyon Lake and hang out. Rusty’s plan to finish his project is thrown for a loop when the chemistry building is locked, leaving him scrambling, desperate and resigned to a) being able to get no better than a C in o-chem, b) seeing his GPA drop below 3.5 and thus c) being kicked out of the honors program. He wallows in his self-pity, especially after learning that his RA and friend Max, who he counted on to help him get back into the chemistry building, has left the university and the country after breaking up with Rusty’s sister Casey. Rusty visits the Zeta Beta Zeta house to chastise Casey for breaking up with Max and possibly getting back together with Cappie. After that, it’s back to his apartment for more wallowing…..until Jordan decides to help him out by going to Casey and asking for her assistance. Casey reluctantly decides to intervene, giving up her plans to attend a party being thrown that night by the Omega Chi’s to kick off their “Gotcha!” assassin game, wherein fraternity and sorority members are assigned “targets” from other frats and sororities to “kill” using rubber dart guns until only one person is left “alive.” With Casey’s help, Rusty is able to steal keys to the chemistry building from an unsuspecting security guard. From there, it’s a matter of finding the right key to the building, then finding the right key to the lab (which takes forever) and getting inside. In the meantime, Cappie has heard of Rusty’s situation from Rusty’s trusty roomie Dale and springs into action. Dressing in the ninja costume he’d planned to wear to the assassin party, Cappie sneaks into the chemistry lab through an open window and opens the door for Rusty and Casey from the inside. While Rusty completes his experiment, the awkwardness between Casey and Cappie is palpable. Finally, the truth comes out: Cappie didn’t break up Max and Casey by hitting on her, she came on to him. The group sharing session is cut short when a sensor in the room picks up on gas that has leaked during Rusty’s experiment and the three of them flee the room only to find that all the doors out of the building are locked. With campus security closing in, Cappie falls on a grenade for the team and gives himself up, pretending to be a lone protestor making a stand against animal usage in experiments even though there are no animals in the building. His distraction allows Casey and Rusty to get away, plus Rusty turns in his extra credit work the next day and raises his midterm grade from a D to a C. Grades are the least of the concerns for Rusty’s pals Calvin and Dale, both of whom had interesting encounters with their respective love interests at the “End of the World” party. Calvin and his crush Grant apparently got drunk and both woke up back at Rusty and Dale’s apartment (where Calvin is a frequent couch guest) the next morning. Calvin’s memories of the previous night are foggy, but after worrying that he’d had drunken sex and didn’t remember it, Grant admits that nothing happened. The same can't be said for Dale, who was last seen getting after it at the party with cougar landlady Sheila. After hedging and dragging his feet, Dale finally admits that he had sex with Sheila, going against his religious beliefs and “purity pledge” to wait for sex until marriage. This was a rare serious, emotional scene for the show, as Dale seemed on the verge of tears as he admitted to Calvin what had happened and that “sex changes everything.” When Dale decides that having sex with Sheila means he needs to marry her, she blows him off and it’s clear that for her, he’s nothing more than someone to fool around with. We’ll have to see how Dale rebounds from this and if he can overcome his crisis of conscience. The last bit of drama involves Rebecca Logan, who made out with a mystery guy at the party and won't give up the info on who the guy is. The next day, she has a chance encounter with a down-and-out Evan Chambers, who is trying to withdraw money from an ATM near campus and finds his account empty. He admits to Rebecca that he stood up to his parents, gave up his trust fund and is now basically broke. She offers to help him pay for supplies for the “Gotcha!” party - as long as he helps her out with something. That something turns out to be posing as the mystery guy she made out with at the party. So Evan sends her flowers at the ZBZ house and poses as her date at the “Gotcha!” party so that Ashleigh will believe her story. At the party, she stages a scene in which she slaps Evan and storms off, “ending” things between them. The truth about the “End of the World” party was then revealed in a flashback to the day before, when we see a) Rebecca making out with Ashleigh’s boyfriend Fisher and b) Cappie, sitting on the roof where he ended the Season 3 finale, mulling over the revelation from Ashleigh that Max and Casey had broken up. An epiphany strikes Cappie and he sprints downstairs, through the house on his way to find Casey and tell her that he does want to be with her. Along the way, he’s stopped by a slightly drunken Evan, who challenges him as to whether getting back together with Casey is the right thing. After all, he lost her once, does he want to go through the pain of losing her again? Evan challenges Cappie to think it over, sleep on it and if he still feels the same way in the morning, he can go after Casey. Based on the next day’s events, it would appear that Cappie ultimately decided that he didn’t want the potential heartbreak of losing his dream girl again, so he’s holding off…..for now. All in all, this episode was about tying up some loose ends, re-establishing storylines between seasons and setting up the new season. Not as many laughs as usual for Greek and a little more drama, but it’s good to have the show back………

- If I’m understanding this correctly, hurricane experts are saying that a man who is responsible for the creation of the perennial second-rate computer operating system that is the source of constant consternation by users worldwide cannot possibly create technology to control the weather. These experts are casting serious aspersions on an idea backed by billionaire Microsoft founder Bill Gates aimed at controlling the weather. Gates and a dozen other scientists have submitted patent applications for a technology to reduce the danger of approaching hurricanes by cooling ocean temperatures, an idea that is as interesting as it is unrealistic. With the southeastern corner of the United States buffeted by hurricanes on a regular basis and the nightmare of Hurricane Katrina still fresh in American minds, a device like the one Gates and his posse are fronting would be an amazing asset. However, the project would be so much larger and on such a ginormous scale compared to anything that we’ve ever seen that scientists are having a tough time believing that this project is possible. “The enormity of it, in order to do something effective, we'd have to do something at a scale that humans have never really done before," said Gabriel Vecchi, a research scientist with the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. The basic idea for the proposed technology is that because hurricanes are fueled by warm water, cooling the waters surrounding a storm would slow its momentum. According to the patents, several large barges would be placed directly in the path of an oncoming storm, with barge equipped with two conduits, each 500 feet long. One conduit would push the warm water from the ocean's surface down while the other would bring up cold water where it lies deep undersea. The primary issue with the idea’s functionality is that there simply would not be enough warning of a coming hurricane to put the barges in place and bring up enough cold water to make a difference. Even if the barges were put in place at the beginning of a hurricane season, experts doubt the degree to which the barges could weaken a massive storm. So far Gates and his spokesperson aren’t responding to requests for comment about the project, but we do know that the patents were filed in January by Searete LLC, a subsidiary of Intellectual Ventures, an invention firm run by Microsoft's former chief technology officer Nathan Myhrvold. In the end, this seems like it will end up as nothing more than an interesting idea and theory from a brilliant business mind that never becomes anything tangible or practical, so it’s back to selling subpar operating systems to the world for Gates……….

- The hits just keep on coming in Afghanistan, as long as by “hits” you mean claims of election fraud. On Sunday alone, the number of voter fraud complaints in the Afghan presidential vote more than doubled. Election officials now say that they have now deemed 567 of them serious enough to affect the outcome of last week's vote. All told, Afghan officials have received 2,493 complaints, 753 of them coming after Thursday. Of those 2,493 complaints, 567 are considered Priority A -- or ones that can alter the results. The grievances include allegations of polling irregularities, voter intimidation and ballot stuffing. For the Electoral Complaints Commission to certify the results of the August 20 vote, it must resolve the complaints it has received. Even taking these fraud complaints into account, there remains a wide margin between incumbent president Hamid Karzai and his nearest rival, Abdullah Abdullah, in voting tallies released Saturday. According to those results, Karzai has 940,558 votes, while Abdullah has 638,924 votes. Not an insurmountable deficit, depending on how severe and widespread the alleged voter fraud is, but it’s a tall mountain for Abdullah to climb. Out of the race at this point, it would seem, is Ramazan Bashardost, who currently stands in third with 277,404 votes. Only 35 percent of the votes have been counted and final election results are not expected until September, so this thing is a long way from over. It’s also important to remember that candidates must get 50 percent of the vote to avoid a run-off and the math-proficient among you can look at the aforementioned vote tallies and realize that neither Karzai (46 percent) nor Abdullah (31 percent) has half of the 2,032,734 votes. Should that figure hold up, there will be a run-off between the top two contenders, most likely in mid-October. That would be quite a scene, given that Abdullah has been the most vocal and outspoken critic of Karzai and the one leading the charge on the fraud allegations. I don’t know if these allegations are true, but I certainly hope they are. Nothing is better than the aspiring or incumbent leader of a nation looking to blow right by the will of his or her people and rigging the vote to ensure a rise to power whether the commoners like it or not………

- There’s a great line in the first “Matrix” movie where Agent Smith (Hugo Weaving) asks Neo (Keanu Reeves) the following: “Hear that, Mr. Anderson? That’s the sound of inevitability.” That sums up my feelings about a meth lab explosion in the small town of Mt. Orab, Ohio, an explosion that resulted in two meth heads, er, men being flown a local hospital with serious burns to nearly half of their bodies. Also, at least one of the victims was treated for "possible inhalation injuries," medics said. This all went down Sunday morning, when an explosion rocked the a neighborhood located on the 1900 block of Harker Waits Road. Around 7:15 a.m., rescue and fire crews responded to a call concerning a burn victim who had wandered to his relatives' home. When emergency crews arrived on the scene, they located the man and found that he had burns to over 40 percent of his body. Around the same time, other emergency workers responded to a call of a structure fire at a trailer home near the intersection of Greenbush West Road and Harker Waits Road. Using top-notch police work, the authorities were able to determine that their burn victim had wandered from the fire scene, a.k.a. the meth lab. Emergency workers then spent hours gathering evidence at the home, which was shocking to neighbors who had no clue of what the home was actually used for. “Having something right down the road -- with kids -- it's just scary," neighbor Donna Gullett said. Perhaps, but what’s equally scary is the possibility that none of the locals had a clue what was going on inside that home. Let’s put some puzzle pieces together and see if we can’t discover why I’m so disturbed. First, it’s a rural area. What is meth if not the low-class, low-rent drug of the rural population? You don’t see meth as the major drug causing problems in cities and wealthy areas - that’s what cocaine is for. Second, I haven’t seen pictures of the two men who were burned in this meth lab explosion and those pics wouldn’t do much good unless they were pre-inferno, but I’m guessing they fit one or more of the following characteristics: 1) scruffy facial hair, 2) some form of mullet, 3) no better than a high school education, 4) previous criminal history and 5) and IQ well below normal. That’s the profile of your average meth lab operator/cook, make no bones about it. Given the fact that these yahoos were living in an area where meth has become an increasingly large menace, how could no one put two and two together and figure out their deal? After all, it’s the second meth lab discovery for Brown County authorities in less than a week. Deputies discovered another lab in Hamersville on Wednesday night when they went to serve a search warrant in an unrelated case. Brown County, making a strong bid to be the meth capital of southwestern Ohio……….

A fitting outcome for the Oakland Raiders, I review "Taking Woodstock" and everbody's fleeing Myanmar....again

- In the course of the NFL preseason, the third exhibition game is considered the most important contest for teams. It’s when starters play the most they will play during any preseason game (typically into the third quarter), it’s what most teams refer to as a dress rehearsal game for the regular season and because many teams hold their star players out of the fourth and final preseason game, it’s the last time those top players will see the field in a game before the start of the regular season. Through that prism, let’s go ahead and examine Saturday’s preseason game between the New Orleans Saints and Oakland Raiders. For most teams, losing 45-7 at home in the third game of the preseason would be a catastrophically bad occurrence, a point of great concern with the start of the regular season a mere two weeks away. Sure, the loss doesn’t count in the standings and it should be easy to shake off, but that kind of beatdown still stings, exhibition game or not. But for the Raiders, I submit that it could not be a more fitting and appropriate result for the most important game of the preseason. After all, if that third exhibition game truly is a dress rehearsal for the regular season, what could be more apropos for the Raiders and their fans than getting accustomed to the sort of beatdown that they will suffer regularly throughout the season? What represents this franchise better than having six punts and three fumbles on their first six drives of the game? I’ll answer that for you: nothing. The Raiders are owned by a possibly dead, jumpsuit-wearing kook with old lady glasses, Al Davis, a guy who is either not alive or completely senile, but either way he’s running the franchise right into the ground. He drafted receiver Darius Heyward-Bey with the fifth pick in the 2009 draft, a full 20 picks higher than anyone with a functioning brain would have drafted him, all because Heyward-Bey excelled in the one skill test Davis seems to care about these days, the 40-yard dash. They are a team of draft busts, overrated veterans with bloated contracts and head coaches who sucker punch assistant coaches in the face during meetings and then lie about what happened. So while most people would look at that 45-7 score at the end of Saturday night’s game and see a whole lot of negatives, I look up and see a scoreboard that screams, “Raiders!” as loudly as possible…….

- Would the last person out of Myanmar please turn the lights off? With literally thousands of refugees from Myanmar pouring across the border into China in recent weeks, you’d think that sooner or later Myanmar is going to run out of citizens to oppress. Also, if you’re fleeing from anywhere and China looks like a better option to you, that’s not good. The mass exodus from Taiwan would seem to indicate that a 20-year cease-fire between ethnic minorities and Myanmar's military rulers might be falling apart. According to estimates by the U.N. High Commissioner for Refugees (a position I’d love to have simply because people would have to call me “High Commissioner”), as 30,000 people had fled Myanmar. The Chinese don’t appear to be overly thrilled with the influx of Burmese refugees (not much thrills the Chinese these days other than oppressing the basic human rights of their citizens and the possibility of world domination). Chinese Foreign Ministry spokeswoman Jiang Yu in a statement Friday urged the Myanmar government to "safeguard the regional stability of its bordering area with China." In other words, keep your filthy, unwashed masses out our country, fool. Still, the Chinese are grudgingly making accommodations for the glut of refugees now residing on their soil. In the border town of Nansan, the government has arranged emergency housing for refugees in an attempt to restore stability. China is also in a difficult spot because at this point, it is basically the only remaining ally of Myanmar’s brutal, repressive and totalitarian regime. Those flooding across its border are mostly are ethnic Chinese who had been living more or less autonomously in what is called the Kokang region. Now that Myanmar’s authoritarian regime is looking to break up that autonomy by dissolving its ethnic militia and incorporate their fighters into a national border police. "We are just like our own small kingdom on the Burmese border. . . . That is what we are trying to defend," said Aung Kyaw Zaw, a former rebel who lives in exile in Ruili on the Chinese side of the border. The resulting conflict has been raging since early last month, but the fears that it could spread into something larger appear to have substantial validity. Even though the peace in the area dates back to cease-fire agreements with various ethnic militias in 1989, those 20-plus years of tranquility don’t mean a damn thing to those who are now brawling. Nor does it matter to the poor refugees who are fleeing the fighting and holing up in places like the Hongping Hotel in Nansan, where the Chinese Ministry of Public Security is putting up about 40 refugees. Their lives are being turned upside down and there are no signs that the unrest will be quelled any time soon…….

- Let’s see if this government program to buy back useless crap from Americans can last longer than a couple of weeks. The state of Oklahoma can’t unleash its own “cash for clunkers” program like our esteemed federal government, but what the Okies can do is implement a federal program that will offer incentives for people to replace old household appliances with new, energy-efficient ones. Like everything newsworthy these days - federal programs, celebrity couples, etc. - this thing needs a cutesy nickname and so it will have one: "Dollars for Dishwashers.” With the help of $300 million federal dollars, states will be able to encourage their citizens to buy new refrigerators, washing machines and dishwashers and Oklahoma will put its $3.5 million for the program to good use. The program won't start just yet, as the money won't be distributed until Nov. 30 (of course, the government still hasn’t paid up many car dealerships for the “cash for clunkers” program, so take that promise with a healthy dose of skepticism). The whiny, complaining b*tches of the appliance industry are somehow managing to view this possible sales boon as a negative, saying that customers may put off buying appliances right now and wait until “Dollars for Dishwashers” begins. We worry about the lag time now that it's all over the Internet and when the states actually implement the program to manufacturers and us," said Guy Minnix of Metro Builders Supply in Oklahoma. You know what, guy? Shut it. Soon enough, the state Department of Commerce will unveil the guidelines for the rebate program and the appliance onslaught can begin. The final plans should be released by mid-October and consumers will learn exactly how much money they might get back. As someone who owns neither a dishwasher nor an out-of-date refrigerator, I can't say that I’m all that jacked up about this program, but I am excited about the potential for another government-run program that turns into an unmitigated disaster, so game on, “Dollars for Dishwashers,” game on……….

- The primary criticism of Ang Lee’s new movie, “Taking Woodstock,” has been that it’s a movie about the most transcendent, pertinent cultural event of the 20th century, a music festival showcasing tons of legendary artists, and there isn't that much of what happened on stage in the movie. People who went into the movie theater relatively blind voiced this criticism even more loudly, although I knew what to expect from watching Lee when he was a guest on “The Colbert Report” with Stephen Colbert on Comedy Central. And honestly, I had no issue with Lee focusing more on how the festival came together and the non-musical figures who made Woodstock possible than on the performances themselves. After all, even if you did devote substantial time to the music, how hard is it going to be to get believable, musically viable actors to play the likes of Jimi Hendrix, Jefferson Airplane, Janis Joplin and The Who? Not likely, as you could guess. So instead, Lee wove a modest, amiable movie that basically comes off as a coming-of-age, coming-out comedy. Despite the fact that Lee was still a teenager living in Taiwan when Woodstock took place, he felt compelled to create a cinematic homage to it and I think he did a solid job. “Taking Woodstock” stars Demetri Martin as Elliot Teichberg, a young man who quits Greenwich Village to help his parents keep open their failing Bethel (N.Y.) motel. He somehow manages to become Bethel's youngest director of the chamber of commerce, but the motel is a colossal failure. It appears doomed until a neighboring community tells Michael Lang, the founder and promoter of Woodstock (played by Jonathan Groff) that his festival isn't welcome in their town. Elliot invites Lang to check out his facilities and because he’s already in possession of permit for his own annual summer festival involving an experimental theatre troupe in the barn and playing records out in the meadow, so why not tweak things a little? From there, Woodstock unfolds and the characters who made it happen offstage take center stage. In the process, Elliot manages to shake many of his conservative ways and embrace two quintessential ‘60s/’70s staples: drugs and sexual liberation. The movie is great because it takes its time telling the story, never rushing things. We get to see the festival take shape and the crowd that eventually reached nearly half a million filter into Bethel. And while some have panned Martin’s performance as so-so or even uninspired, I give him a thumbs up for a solid-but-not-great effort. All in all, I’ll slap my seal of approval on “Taking Woodstock," which is rated R and runs 120 minutes. Give it a shot if you’ve ever had even the most remote interest in this landmark cultural event and I promise it’ll be worth your while………

- Finally……the space shuttle Discovery has come back……to outer space. After being pushed back and pushed back from its scheduled Tuesday launch, the shuttle finally launched just before midnight Friday on a mission to the international space station. The crew of seven astronauts features one crew member from Mexico and another of the seven, Nicole Stott, will remain on the station as a flight engineer. In her place, astronaut Timothy Kopra will return home aboard the shuttle. In addition to the crew, another key component of the flight will be the Leonardo logistics module, science experiments and the Combined Operational Load Bearing External Resistance Treadmill (COLBERT), named for my main man Stephen Colbert of Comedy Central's "The Colbert Report." After having a species of spider named after him by a researcher at East Carolina University earlier this year, I’m sure Colbert is pumped about having a piece of exercise equipment set to be shot into space named after him. So how does one receive the honor of having NASA name the newest space station compartment after them? Well, Colbert won an online poll conducted by NASA, but Colbert and the space agency compromised to give the moniker to the treadmill. Instead of being named after the best fake newsman in the business, the new compartment was given the name Tranquility (boooooooring). But hey, the treadmill is cool too. NASA astronaut Cady Coleman cites as an essential addition to the space station. “We have the treadmill now to keep them healthy, which is really part of being able to come home in one piece. So it is an essential part,” Coleman said. So after three postponements - first for bad weather, and twice more while mission managers checked out indications of a faulty valve - the Colbert treadmill, the space shuttle Discovery and its crew are finally on their way to outer space, wahoo……..

Riot Watch! in South Africa, a college football team without helmets and something I'm glad to see go away

- Ah, the excitement and optimism that come with the start of a new college football season. Of course, that optimism tends to dissipate if a team can’t actually start the season because it has neither helmets nor pads. Such is the plight of St. Paul's College, a Division II school in Virginia forced to cancel its 2009 season opener because it doesn't have the necessary equipment. The contest against West Virginia Wesleyan, scheduled for this afternoon, had the plug pulled and West Virginia Wesleyan will be invoking a clause in its contract with St. Paul’s that calls for an undisclosed financial penalty in the event of such a cancellation. St. Paul's AD Leroy Bacote called WVW athletic director Ken Tyler, who was "flabbergasted" over the decision. When he asked how the St. Paul’s team had been practicing without the equipment, he was told the players did calisthenics in shorts and T-shirts. But Bacote couldn’t guarantee that the pads and helmets would arrive in time for kickoff. Rather than have West Virginia Wesleyan make the 341-mile trip to play the game in South Hill, Va., Bacote called less than 24 hours before the scheduled start and dropped this knowledge on Tyler. Now this is just me, but if I’m running a college football team, regardless of division, I’m ordering the helmets and pads well before the start of the season. Yes, budgets are tight, especially at the D-II level, but you can’t tell me that you have money now that you didn’t have three months ago, when you should have ordered the helmets and pads. This is on the administration at St. Paul’s, which now not only suffers the embarrassment of having to cancel a game that was supposed to be its home opener, but also to pay a significant chunk of change to West Virginia Wesleyan for the mistake. I shouldn’t have to say this, but I’ll go ahead and remind the St. Paul’s athletic department to order the equipment for all winter and spring sports if they haven’t already done that. Bats, balls, sticks, hurdles and other needed equipment should be on its way to campus as soon as possible so as to avoid further canceled games and egg on your faces…….

- Here’s something I like to see. For once, the government is looking to bring the hammer down on a group that we all hate and wish would go away. And no, I’m not talking about those responsible for putting American Karaoke on TV each fall for Fox. No, I’m referring to those ubar-annoying businesses that try to push products on consumers with automated and unsolicited calls. How many times have you picked up the phone, waited through a few seconds of awkward silence and then heard an automated message begin playing, trying to sell you something you neither want nor need? Now, businesses that engage in this troubling practice will face fines of up to $16,000 per call, courtesy of the Federal Trade Commission. “American consumers have made it crystal clear that few things annoy them more than the billions of commercial telemarketing robocalls they receive every year," FTC Chairman Jon Leibowitz said. Agreed and agreed. There will be a few unfortunate exemptions to this new law - calls from politicians, public service announcements and "informational" calls - and we can work on those later, but for now I’ll take what I can get. However, the FCC is still depending on you and I to help them out by reporting questionable robocalls to its complaint Web site or by calling 1-877-FTC-HELP. "If consumers think they're being harassed by robocallers, they need to let us know, and we will go after them," Leibowitz said. Great, so we have to rely on a government bureaucracy to chase down offending parties and make them pay. Oh, and big ups to the government for finally getting around to dropping this ban on pre-recorded calls, consumers can always sign up for the federal "do not call" registry. Should you still want to receive these robocalls (and who doesn’t), you can always give permission for companies to still besiege you with these automated annoyances……….

- I don’t make a habit out of hanging out at art museums and with good reason. They’re eerily quiet, they tend to be filled with super-serious art types who take art far too seriously and they tend not to appreciate it when you bring in your own nachos and Mountain Dew big gulp while you browse the exhibits. However, I may have to reconsider my policy if more art museums have incidents take place like the one that went down at New York’s Metropolitan Museum of Art on Wednesday. Kathleen "K.C." Neill, a lesser-known model, was arrested for posing nude for a photographer in front of visitors inside the arms and armor department. As you might expect, I don’t have a beef with this. Admittedly, the arms and armor department tends to be BORING and in need of some excitement, so you have to applaud Neill and her photographer, Zach Hyman, for providing that excitement. The police don’t have enough of a sense of humor, adventure or fun to see it that way. They busted Neill and she now faces a charge of public lewdness. Her attorney, Donald Schechter, rightly says to call what the model and were doing obscenity "is ridiculous." It was art, it was entertainment, and more importantly, it was a model taking her clothes off for free in a public place. I am sure that everyone - especially parents visiting the museum with their children - appreciated the display and those kids will remember it for a long, long time. Besides, what kind of horrible parent subjects their child to a visit to the art museum? Booooooring. As for Hyman, this incident is hardly a surprise for him. Of late, he’s been drawing attention for taking snapshots of nude models on the New York subway system. His explanation is that says he's inspired by nude paintings (what guy isn't?), and his work is not pornographic. I do also have to rap the Met for cowering on this issue and not supporting the work of the very sort of artists whose works it allegedly endeavors to promote and showcase. But instead of supporting Neill and Hyman, the museum issued a statement which read: "As a nonprofit institution on city-owned land, the Met, like all other individual and institutional citizens, is subject to municipal laws, rules, and regulations." Thanks for nothing, Met and NYPD, you’ve ruined the fun once again………

- Rockers Oasis have long been one of music’s most combustible acts. Lead singer Liam Gallagher is notoriously arrogant, pompous and self-righteous, so being in a band with the guy has to be challenging at times, even for his brother. The band has had its rocky moments over the past 18 years, but perhaps none rockier than yesterday. On the band’s website, lead guitarist and songwriter Noel Gallagher announced that he has quit Oasis. "It's with some sadness and great relief to tell you that I quit Oasis tonight," Gallagher wrote. "People will write and say what they like, but I simply could not go on working with Liam a day longer.” Wow. Dude isn't even hiding behind the “creative differences” excuse that artists usually offer up for this type of decision. He’s coming right out and saying that his brother is such an a-hole that he can’t possibly go on working with him. The announcement is especially potent because it comes on the eve of several major festival performances for Oasis, meaning those gigs will have their plug pulled at the last moment. It’s a disappointing day for those of us who are Oasis fans and enjoyed their albums, including their most recent album, "Dig Out Your Soul," reached No. 5 on the Billboard 200 last October (and no, those Billboard lists still aren’t worth a crap). Liam Gallagher founded Oasis in 1991 with Paul Arthurs, Paul McGuigan and Tony McCaroll. Noel joined shortly thereafter and took over as Oasis' lead songwriter. Arthurs and McGuigan have since departed, making the Gallagher brothers the longest-standing members of the band. Other current band members include guitarist/keyboardist Colin Archer, bassist Andy Bell and drummer Chris Sharrock. "Apologies to all the people who bought tickets for the shows," Noel Gallagher wrote in reference to the band’s festival dates. No word has been given on the band’s future, although it’s hard to imagine Liam Gallagher’s massive ego allowing his band to crash and burn because his brother left and blamed it on him. I’m not sure how I would feel about Oasis without one of the brothers Gallagher, but hopefully I won't have to. Maybe there is some hope of a reconciliation, you just never know……..

- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! I love it when a simple protest over workers’ wages turns into a violent clash between the little guy and The Man. Such was the case in Cape Town, South Africa when thousands of angry soldiers showed up to protest what they feel are unfair wages. Things escalated quickly and got out of hand when police clashed with more than 1,000 soldiers who tried to enter the presidential grounds. The showdown took place at the Union Buildings — the official seat of the South African government that also houses the president’s offices — and was organized by the South African National Defense Union (SANDU). It was quite a scene, with an estimated 1,200 soldiers marching on the lawns of the Union Buildings. Hundreds of them scaled the gates of the compound, which is when police completely and totally overreacted by responding with tear gas and rubber bullets. They demanded that the soldiers vacate the premises, and when they wouldn’t, out came the tear gas and rubber bullets. What, no water canons and truncheons? But hey, those overreactions meant that an all-out brawl took place and in the melee, both sides sustained injuries. Sure, the soldiers eventually wussed out and left late in the afternoon after police warned they would use additional force, but not every protest can end in a bloody, cataclysmic mess. No thanks for this great riot will go out to Defense Minister Lindiwe Sisulu, who condemned the demonstration and said that soldiers took part in an illegal protest that had not been approved by South Africa’s military. Umm, hello? That’s the whole point of a riot/protest, to stick it to The Man and be disobedient. Big ups to all of the soldiers who spat in the face of authority and made their voice heard, you guys rock……..

Life gets worse for Billy Gillispie, Riot Watch! in Argentina and a two-sport criminal in Arkansas

- Life is not going well for former University of Kentucky basketball coach Billy Gillispie, who clearly isn't making good use of his free time now that he is without a coaching gig. I don’t know if he’ll ever get the severance pay he claims that the university owes him, but he was bum rushed out the door so John Calipari could come in and take his spot. In spite of that hasty exodus, Gillispie has remained in the state of Kentucky and was a fixture at Keeneland Race Course during its spring meet, standing in the paddock before races and talking to fans. What he was doing Thursday morning was decidedly less productive and much less legal than attending horse race. Gillispie was picked up by police along a highway in the town of Lawrenceburg and busted on a drunken driving charge. Police say they arrested Gillespie at 2:47 a.m. after dispatchers received complaints of an intoxicated driver. Officers responded to the call and spotted the offending vehicle, a white Mercedes with Texas plates. Lawrenceburg police officer Michael Corley clocked Gillispie doing 63 mph in a 45 mph zone and pulled up behind him at a red light. When that light turned green, Gillispie pulled a Frank Solich and sat there in the middle of the road with his car running. A couple minutes later, he snapped out of his drunken funk and continued on down the road. Corley eventually pulled Gillispie over in a school parking lot. "Billy had a strong fruity smell coming from his person [possibly wine] and had red, glassy eyes and slow, slurred speech," Corley wrote. As quick aside, since when do officers refer to people they bust for drunk driving by their first name in a police report? Is he your pal from the local Elks club or a drunken loser who got behind the wheel after four beers too many and endangered the lives of dozens of fellow motorists? But I digress……Gillispie was pulled over, Corley asked for his driver’s license and Gillispie responded that it was in the trunk. That might seem like an odd place to keep your driver’s license, but Gillispie also claimed that he had been golfing all day, so perhaps it was in his golf bag, I don’t know. What I do know is that when Gillispie exited his ride and went to retrieve his wallet from the trunk, he was wobbly and “unsteady on his feet.” At that point, Corley asked if he had been drinking and Gillispie lied, er, said no. That’s when he claimed he’d been golfing all day. Right, because no one ever knocks back any beer when they go golfing, good answer. After that, Gillispie made a bad play by refusing to submit to breath and blood tests for alcohol. That led to his arrest and a trip to the jail in neighboring Franklin County for the night. In the morning, Gillispie wore an orange prison jumpsuit at his video arraignment before Judge Linda Armstrong. She informed him that his right to drive in Kentucky was being suspended for up to 120 days and set the date for his next court appearance on Sept. 23. Gillispie entered a plea of not guilty, but his story of a day of golfing still has holes in it. Wild Turkey Trace, a golf course near the site of the arrest, had no record of Gillispie signing in as one of Wednesday’s golfers. Not that this isn't painfully obvious, but with his lawsuit against UK for the $6 million left on his contract that he claims he’s owed, Gillispie doesn’t need any other legal issues to cope with. That being said, he’s got one and this looks bad for him……….

- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! These guys (and gals) have shown on my occasions that they will absolutely go if you provoke them, so it should come as no surprise that Argentine farmers began a weeklong strike on grain and beef sales today in protest of a presidential veto that blocked tax exemption to farmers facing severe drought conditions. These same farmers have gone on strike before and blocked roads and highways over what they felt were unfairly high export taxes placed on their products by the government, so of course they’re going on strike when President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner vetoes a bill that would have given them a much-needed tax exemption. The tax exemption was part of an emergency agriculture bill that would have exempted some drought-hit farmers from those pesky export taxes. “This law would have given relief or breathing room to those producers who have been left so deep in debt after a long drought,” Carlos Garetto, spokesman for the farmers, said Thursday. “Unfortunately, this (veto) is the drop that overflowed the glass.” Whatever works for you, C. As I’ve said many times before and I’m sure I’ll say it again, social dissidence doesn’t need a grandiose, ironclad reason. If anyone wants to riot, protest, strike, etc., they need to meet only the most minimal of qualifications in my book to do so. Plus, the issue of export taxes is a big one in Argentina, which is one of the world’s leading exporters of soybeans and corn. Best of all, strike leaders said that their protest would not affect grain stocks and would not affect prices for consumers. In other words, this is the best of both worlds. The little guy gets to fight back against the tyranny of The Man and his fellow little guys don’t get hurt in the process by rising prices. So you have my full support in your strike, angry Argentine farmers, stick it to The Man………

- There are two-sport athletes, multi-platform entertainers who succeed in multiple industries (TV, music, etc.) and then there are dual-threat criminals. Pulling off the last of these three can be dicey, especially when you are also a volunteer fire department chief. People tend to trust you when you occupy that role and maybe you don’t want to betray their trust and let them down. Donald Lee Wilkins of Jacksonville, Ark. doesn’t appear to have any such issues. Wilkins, a volunteer fire department chief in Faulkner County, was arrested on forgery and fraud charges. And no, forgery and fraud are not the double threat of criminal activity to which I allude. No, that would be the nice criminal combo platter of forgery/fraud and suspicion of bigamy, which Wilkins is also charged with. He’s wanted in Carroll County on a misdemeanor bigamy warrant after allegedly marrying a woman in March in Eureka Springs but not being divorced from his estranged wife whom he married in 1991. See, that’s why you need to tie up those legal loose ends, because if you don’t, sooner or later that estranged wife you never got around to divorcing will come back to bite you in the ass. While it is rare to see this kind of bigamy outside of Utah (just kidding Utah and its Mormon community, you know I love tweaking you guys), every now and then a case will pop up and typically for the exact reason that Wilkins finds himself wanted on a misdemeanor bigamy warrant (one of my new favorite phrases in the English language). I’m sure that the good people of Faulkner County are oh, so proud to have an upstanding man like Donald Lee Wilkins as their volunteer fire chief, but something tells me that they might have to look for a replacement some time soon. A misdemeanor bigamy warrant can be cleared up much more easily than felony forgery and credit card fraud charges. Those tend to stick to you and they tend to send you to jail for a while. But hey, D.L. Wilkins can still boast about being a dual-threat criminal and at the end of the day, that’s something…..I think………

- While I’m a bit peeved at Jake Gyllenhaal for stealing my gig of interviewing the hot, smart Natalie Portman (okay, so I’ve never actually done it, but it’s still my gig because I say so), but I’ll give Gyllenhaal this round of the battle and allow his interview with her for Interview magazine to stand. After the two actors filmed this fall's war drama Brothers, the magazine asked them to sit down for an interview, but with a catch. Gyllenhaal would interview his co-star on all sorts of topics, mostly non-acting. Most of the questions ended up being fairly innocuous, such as what is Portman's favorite food (Carvel ice cream cake), what terrifies her (Smurfs, specifically evil Smurf Gargamel - although in my book, Smurfs are a distant second to those creepy Oompa-Loompas) and what she would be if she weren’t an actress (a bike messenger). "I'd basically have trouble with any job that doesn't require me to wear silly clothes and talk in funny voices,” Portman admitted. But what was actually interesting and unexpected was her answer to a question about her musical preferences. “I've mostly been listening to dirty rap lately. That's sort of my scene," she says. "Really, really obscene hip-hop. I love it so much. It makes me laugh and then it makes me want to dance.” I’m going to overlook the fact that she used the term “dirty rap,” because no one who is truly a hardcore hip-hopper would ever say they listen to dirty rap. But apparently Portman loves the Ying Yang Twins, from whom she quoted lyrics during the interview. Of course she love hip-hop, because what white chick from a middle or upper-class upbringing doesn’t think she’s gangsta and throw on hip-hop like it means she’s ghetto and has the first inkling about what the hip-hop culture is really like? That doesn’t mean she’s not one of my favorite actresses (and one of the hottest in my book), but it just goes to show that famous people are still just like the rest of us…….

- Count me among those who just don’t get the fascination with either bashing or mocking University of Florida all-everything quarterback Tim Tebow. As any college football fan knows, Tebow has led his team to two national championships in his first three years at UF, won a Heisman Trophy, is a devout Christian who practices abstinence, is the son of missionaries and regularly spends his summers doing mission work in Third World countries. For those efforts, he’s admired by some but despied by others. Maybe those haters assume it can’t all be real and genuine, maybe they don’t like Tebow’s open advocacy of his faith or more than likely, they hate this guy because he seems to be good at everything and makes them feel worse about their own lazy, unaccomplished existence. Rather than try harder and work to be more successful, it’s easier to tear a guy like Tebow down. Either that or there are people out there looking to have a laugh at the guy’s expense, people like the Fort Myers Miracle, a minor league baseball team in Fort Myers, Fla. that was prepared to host "What Would Tim Tebow Do?" night Wednesday. Fans received promise rings and watched a character called "T.T." try to walk on water, two pot shots at Tebow’s faith and values. The Miracle also considered including a mock circumcision among the activities but decided against it. Thanks for showing class, idiots. But before any of this could take place, the University of Florida stepped in and forced the Miracle to drastically alter the plans for "What Would Tim Tebow Do?" night. The university sent the team a cease and desist e-mail, explaining that NCAA rules prohibit the names or pictures of its athletes from being used in commercial promotions. That forced the Miracle to change the name of the promotion to "What Would T.T. Do?" Miracle director of media relations Gary Sharp tried to slap a smiley face on the whole mess, saying the team was a bit upset but also pumped by the attention from UF. “We kind of feel special," Sharp declared. "The University of Florida knows who we are now. [Athletic director] Jeremy Foley and [coach] Urban Meyer were copied on the e-mail. But we plan on following their request.” Now look, I realize that minor league baseball is the haven for quirky, kooky promotions and teams will try anything possible to stir up interest and bring fans to the stadium. I’m not ever averse to taking shots at public figures. That being said, joining in on the mock/hate-fest of Tebow I just don’t get. No doubt, the guy’s not perfect and if you spent any significant time with him, you’d find out he’s flawed just like the rest of us. However, I don’t see why we all can’t just back off, let the guy play football and stand for the things he believes in without clowning or despising him……..

An international throwdown over a dance, a lawsuit over in-law jokes and Brett Favre causing schisms

- If you’re going to have a major international brawl, it had better be over something good. And when I say something good, I of course mean a costume worn in an international beauty pageant. As Bolivia and Peru square off and kick up an international sh*t storm, they do so because of a costume worn at this year's Miss Universe pageant. The controversy began when Miss Peru, Karen Schwarz, wore an Andean-inspired outfit during the national costume part of the competition, featuring a headpiece with large horns based on the costume used in the traditional Diablada folk dance. I’m sure that when Schwarz put on that costume, she had no idea that Bolivia would be so pissed at her for wearing it. Things have gotten to out of hand that Bolivian culture minister Pablo Groux threatened to go to the International Court of Justice to claim that the Diablada belongs to Bolivia's culture and no one else. Additionally, Bolivia sent a letter to the Miss Universe organizers claiming they have evidence that the dance originated in their country and for that reason, it belongs exclusively to them. They point out that Bolivian dancers performed the Diablada at events in Washington and Panama and one of the country’s ambassadors summed up the country’s position on the issue thusly: “We ask that urgent, adequate, opportune and pertinent measures be taken to protect Bolivian cultural patrimony and the respect of the origin of our customs and ancient traditions.” For their part, Peruvian officials aren’t disputing that the dance has roots in Bolivia, but they contend that it also traces its history to their country as well. As such, they argue that Bolivia has no grounds to claim the dance in the international court. Peru's director of its National Institute of Culture, Cecilia Bakula, sounds like she’s had just about enough of this foolishness. “This issue should stop because we can't lose tolerance or respect between both countries over things like this," Schwarz said. "We have a dance that unites us because the Diablada is danced in Bolivia and Peru.” Personally it sounds to me like the Bolivians are a bunch of whiny, entho-centric babies who need to grow up and get over it. It’s a dance and nothing more, so quit making it into a major crisis. The world has enough of those without you adding to it……..

- So maybe Brett Favre isn't really the good ol’ boy who can hop off the John Deere tractor in Mississippi, throw on that dirty baseball cap and walk into an NFL training camp as the conquering hero. Although it wasn’t publicized as much during his stint with the New York Jets last year, Favre was notably distant from his teammates. He dressed in a separate locker room, didn’t bother to learn the names of many teammates and was generally anything but one of the fellas. This year, he did his annual waffling, vacillating act when it came to playing or staying retired and after dragging things out as long as possible, avoiding having to go to training camp and getting as much attention out of it as possible, then decided to come out of retirement to play for the Minnesota Vikings. There was instant speculation that many of his new teammates, who sweated and battled through two-a-days and training camp heat, wouldn’t be down with him waltzing in after missing most of the hard work and simply being installed as the team’s starting quarterback. Come to find out that it was more than speculation and that there are reportedly factions within the Vikings locker room that aren’t cool with the ol’ gunslinger’s act. Reports have surfaced that multiple sources with knowledge of the situation say there is an "issue" in the Minnesota Vikings locker room, an issue that was described Wednesday by a third informed person as a "schism." Favre is the cause of that schism, with some players supporting one of the quarterbacks Favre took a chance at the starting spot from, Tarvaris Jackson, and other supporting the second guy Favre stole that opportunity to start from, Sage Rosenfels. Jackson and Rosenfels were in camp, battling it out for the starting job, while Vikings coach Brad Childress openly courted and lusted for Favre. They were putting in the work to earn their chance to be the man and their head coach was zesting for his chance to sell them out and hand the keys to a reigning division winner to a soon-to-be 40-year-old quarterback with a bum shoulder and the world’s biggest ego. So when I hear that Favre has "little support" in the locker room as Minnesota prepares for its Monday night preseason game against the Houston Texans, I’m not surprised. Sure, if Favre goes out there and looks like an all-pro instead of the washed-up hack he appeared to be last week when he played in an exhibition game against Kansas City, he’ll get that locker room support. The problem is that he’s not that guy and he’s not going to be that guy ever again. He should accept that it’s time to hang it up, but he can’t. Also, an anonymous league sources said these locker-room issues stem back to long before the team signed Favre. Asked about these reports, Childress didn’t exactly throw down an iron fist and insist that his locker room is 100 percent behind Favre. “I've seen the same reports you've seen," Childress said. "Those are opinions. It's hard to shoot holes in an opinion. It's just that -- an opinion. I certainly don't see it.” As an avowed Favre hater (as a football player only, of course), you know where I’m rooting for this to go. Either Favre sucks on the field and creates further dissent in the locker room/loses his starting job or some heat-seeking missile of a linebacker bursts through the line of scrimmage in Week 1, blowing Favre up to the point that his arm literally falls off his body or his knee rips to shreds and he can never play again. Again, either outcome is fine with me, just as long as karma comes around to deliver the proverbial punch to the groin that this guy deserves…..

- I don’t know how you openly despise the Dalai Lama, but leave it to China to figure out a way to get it done. A few scant hours after Taiwan's president announced a planned visit by the Dalai Lama to Taiwan, the Chinese government stepped up to say that it "resolutely opposes" the trip. Beijing opposes the visit "in whatever form and capacity," a spokesman for the State Council Taiwan Affairs Office said. "Under the pretext of religion, (the Dalai Lama) has all along been engaged in separatist activities," he said. Oh, I get it. You think the Dalai Lama is looking to stir up a rebellion and topple your Communist regime. Yeah, because that makes a lot of sense. The holy leader for millions of people is looking to take down the world’s most brutal, repressive and totalitarian Communist regime. Of course, the Dalai Lama’s spokesman denied there was any political subtext to the visit. "His holiness has received an invitation from several mayors inviting him to Taiwan. He has accepted for the sole purpose (of expressing) his condolences and to share his sorrow for Taiwan's people," Tenzin Taklha said. He also labeled the visit "completely... non-political." So not only does the Chinese government hate the Dalai Lama, they’re also calling him a liar? Let me tell you, I watched Seven Years in Tibet and outside of a solid performance by Brad Pitt, what I took from the film was that the Dalai Lama is a) a small, quiet child who loves American movies and b) a straight shooter. Yet in the eyes of the Chinese government, dude is some sort of renegade looking to storm their borders and launch a revolution. It’s truly amazing, especially given the fact that Taiwan President Ma Ying-jeou approved the so the Dalai Lama could pray for the victims of the typhoon-battered island. For the world news-dumb among you, the typhoon in question would be Typhoon Morakot , which hit Taiwan on August 8 and caused floods, mudslides and chaos. More than 400 people died as a result of the storm and having a respected religious leader, especially in that part of the world, like the Dalai Lama visit to pray for the battered nation would probably lift some spirits. Just don’t tell that to the Chinese government, which accuses both the Tibetan spiritual leader and Taiwan of separatism. They contend that the Dalai Lama advocates for Tibetan independence from China, which would actually be a great idea (Uh-oh, now I can’t visit Taiwan either!). As for Taiwan, they have run afoul of mainland China by rejecting China's assertion that there is only "One China" and Taiwan is an inalienable part of it. So way to spread the hate, China, your Commie ancestors would be proud……..

- Muslims in Malaysia should consider themselves the most fortunate people on the face of the Earth right about now. Their government has barred them from a concert by the biggest musical menace facing the world today, the Hack Eyed Peas. If only other governments would follow suit - using religious reasons or anything else they want - we could eradicate the plague that is the HEP. But the ban in Malaysia is because the event is organized by beer giant Guinness, which is pertinent because there is an ongoing crackdown on alcohol consumption among Malaysia's Muslim majority. For example, a Muslim woman visiting Malaysia who drank beer in public was sentenced to caning by an Islamic court last month, though that penalty is currently under review. Laws have also been put in place to curb alcohol sales in one of the country’s central state. Those rulings aren’t what dings my radar; it’s the brilliant decision to spare people from the horror of having their ears assailed by the crap-tacular garbage the HEP try to pass off as music that I’m applauding as loudly as possible. These ass clowns will perform at a theme park near Kuala Lumpur on Sept. 25 as part of worldwide celebrations marking the 250th anniversary of Guinness' flagship brewery, although I am confused by that. After all, if you’re looking to celebrate an important milestone, wouldn’t you want someone who doesn’t totally suck as a performer? Anyhow, this show is one of five Guinness concerts worldwide and the Malaysian show's official Web site said "the party is only open to non-Muslims aged 18 years and above.” This is a welcome departure from an HEP show in Malaysia in 2007, which was open to Muslims.
"Muslims cannot attend. Non-Muslims can go and have fun," an official at the Ministry of Information, Communication and Culture explained. This official sent on to say that the concert would not have been permitted at all because government regulations forbid alcohol companies from organizing concerts., but authorities made an exception because they felt it might help boost tourism. Way to sell out your values and beliefs for the almighty dollar, Malaysian government. Nothing screams devotion to your values and morals quite like throwing them out the window when you think it will make you some extra cash. No immediate word was given on how the ban on Muslims will be enforced, but there are rules in place for Guinness’ involvement in the proceedings. Guinness must not use its logo in concert publicity material and they will obviously have the government looking over their shoulder at every turn. All in all, the people I am happiest for are Malaysian Muslims, who will now not have to attend the most terrible concert by the biggest abortion of a music act that will ever visit their country. Sure, it would be tough to top abominable acts that have visited the country previously, acts like Gwen Stefani and Avril Lavigne, but the HEP are worse by a wide margin and everyone who is banned from attending this show should be forever grateful……..

- Nearly everyone makes mother-in-law jokes, whether they’re a comedian or not. So it seems perfectly natural that veteran comedian Sunda Croonquist would use a few jokes about her in-laws in her act at some point. In fact, Croonquist has relied heavily on her mother-in-law jokes, but her mother-in-law appears to have a beef with that. Ruth Zafrin, her daughter, Shelley Edelman, and Shelley's husband Neil are suing the comedienne for her jokes, alleging that she is guilty of spreading false, defamatory and racist lies with her in-law jokes. She is a regular on the SoCal comedy club circuit and has appeared in specials on Comedy Central, so plenty of people have heard her jokes. The irony is that Croonquist is half-black, grew up Roman Catholic and married into a Jewish family, so she could just as well be the target of this type of humor. She has even joked about her first visit to her mother-in-law's house, saying: "I walk in, I say, 'Thank you so much for having me here, Ruthie.' She says, 'The pleasure's all mine, have a seat."' Then, in a loud aside, 'Harriet, put my pocketbook away.’” In responding to her in-laws’ accusations, Croonquist said there was a time when her in-laws would laugh with everyone else at the black-member-of-a-Jewish-family jokes. "They played my tape at Passover one year, and they loved it!" she said. The tipping point seems to be when Croonquist posted information on her Web site about upcoming gigs in New Jersey. For some reason, her in-laws believe that this information clues people in to their identities and does irreparable harm to their reputations. In response, they sued in April in U.S. District Court in New Jersey, where they live. Their lawsuit seeks unspecified damages and demands that Croonquist remove any offensive statements from her Web site, routines and recordings. To her credit, Croonquist is being fair about this whole matter and is willing to drop any language her family finds offensive. However, she rightly refuses to pay any settlement. Simply put, her in-laws are being a bunch of whiny b*tches who need to grow a sense of humor. Unless this woman is up their on stage assailing your character and calling you by name, get over it. Hopefully the motion to dismiss that Croonquist’s lawyer has filed will be granted once a judge is scheduled hears it on Sept. 8. Her argument makes sense, that her in-laws should know full well that she’s not anti-Semitic because she converted to Judaism before she met her husband and keeps a kosher house. I rarely take rooting interests in civil lawsuits, but I’ll make an exception here and land squarely on the side of a comedienne I’ve never heard of………

Tales of goats and Brett Favre, Pete Townshend ventures into the world of musicals and legalizing the chronic gains momentum in Latin America

- Wow. I hate Brett Favre, but even I’m not going all animal sacrifice on some poor goat as a means to protest or decry his latest selfish, me-only decision to un-retire and return to the NFL. That was apparently the M.O. for a Minnesota family who were on their way to sacrifice a goat in an unspecified location when their car broke down. This unidentified woman, with her husband and child in tow, pulled into Tires Plus, a car repair shop, in Winona, Minnesota last week. Her car had broken down and she needed a belt replaced, so she did what most of us would do, found the nearest repair shop and pulled in. The problem was that when she and her family vacated the car and allowed the shop’s employees to get to work, they noticed something unusual about the vehicle. More specifically, they heard some curious sounds coming from the trunk. The mechanic tasked to work on the car, James Prusci, the mechanic, opened the trunk and discovered the goat, painted in the gold and purple of Favre’s new team, the Minnesota Vikings and with the No. 4 (Favre’s number) shaved into its side. It wasn’t immediately clear if the woman was a Green Bay Packers fan who wanted to strike back at Favre for his traitorous act of joining the Packers’ biggest enemy or if she’s a Vikings fan who was looking to honor the team’s new quarterback, but either way is really creepy, really bizarre and really inappropriate. Prusci and the other mechanics rightly decided to call animal control, who met the woman at the shop when she returned for the car. She didn’t try to deny anything - her first smart move of this sad incident - and the goat was ripped from her custody and placed in foster care, where he has been given the name Brett. So far, police aren’t commenting on whether this kook has been charged with any crimes, but unless being a soul-less moron with an IQ of 45 is a crime, then I doubt any charges are coming her way, sadly………

- For the longest time I’ve been wondering when someone would make the logical connection and combine two segments of the business world that have long been a perfect match: comic books and meth. If you think about it……well, I don’t think I even need to explain to you why this pairing makes sense. If you don’t get it, then the problem is with you and not with the logic of this match. Some intrepid businessmen in the Denver area have brought these two endeavors together, creating a massive methamphetamine ring in the Denver area that distributed pounds of meth every week and laundered the profits using collectible comic books. Investigators in Colorado have unfortunately broken up this innovative business, so someone else is going to have to take up the torch if we’re going to keep this thing going. "To launder the money you have to use something that is quick and convenient," Colorado Attorney General John Suthers said. "And in this case, they used classic comic books." See, now that’s a bit dismissive, labeling this as merely quick and convenient. To say that is to overlook the brilliance of combining two things that a whole lot of people love. Allow me to explain, if you will. The alleged ringleaders, brothers Aaron and Alfonzo Castro, were running quite the meth ring if I do say so myself. Law enforcement officers seized about 100 boxes of first-edition collectible comic books, with one of the titles worth $3,500 and the total collection worth half a million dollars, including some first-edition Superman and Batman titles. "It appeared they were working on a startup company for high-end comic books," said Don Quick, the district attorney in Adams County near Denver. The brothers Castro went all out in regards to these comics, storing them in plastic bags for protection. At the same time, they struck a nice balance for their business by setting up weekly, multiple-pound shipments of the meth from Phoenix, Arizona. Once the meth rolled into Denver, they distributed the drugs to a network of runners that made deliveries to dealers around the Denver metro area. These runners…well, let’s just say many of them were ladies who hid drugs in places where neither drugs nor anything else you put into your body should be stored. These women would then deliver the meth to a series of houses, and then lower-level dealers would distribute the drug. The runners were also responsible for collecting money from dealers and delivering it to the Castro brothers. Authorities believe the drugs originally came from Mexico and that each month's shipments had a street value of about $2 million. Because of this, the Castro brothers are facing 145 drug possession and distribution charges from October 2008 to earlier this month, as are 39 other defendants. On top of that, the Castro brothers and their top runners are also charged with racketeering. So that’s the price you pay for being creative and innovative in business these days, you get touched up with triple-digit criminal charges. Nice country we live in………

- Peter Townshend has done it before, but not for a while. Yet the guitarist of the iconic, legendary rock band The Who is once again venturing into the world of musicals and rock operas. Having already written ubar-successful rock operas "Tommy" and "Quadrophenia," Townshend is now writing a new musical "Floss," about getting old.
It’s an admittedly ironic twist for Townshend, who penned the legendary song “My Generation” in 1965, railing against the elder generation of his time. “As a 19-year-old, with 'My Generation,' I wrote the most explicitly ageist song in rock," Townshend wrote on thewho.com. The song includes the line "I hope I die before I get old,” and is absolutely one of The Who’s best songs. Now, he’s flipping the script and taking on the other side of the issue. “At 64, I now want to take on ageing and mortality, using the powerfully angry context of rock'n'roll,” Townshend wrote. Don’t expect
"Floss" any time soon, as Townshend doesn’t expect it to be ready for a concert premiere until 2011. The musical will be designed for outdoor performance and arenas and willy likely debut in New York. However, fans can get a preview of what “Floss” will sound like when some of the more "conventional" songs from the musical appear on a The Who album set for release next year. "'Floss' is an ambitious new project for me, in the style of 'Tommy' and 'Quadrophenia,' " Townshend wrote. "In this case the songs are interspersed with surround-sound 'soundscapes' featuring complex sound-effects and musical montages.” The story of the musical centers on a married couple whose relationship runs into difficulties (somehow I think a lot of people can relate to that theme).
The protagonist, Walter, a rock musician, finds sudden wealth when one of his songs is picked up by a car company for its commercials. However, his return to music after a 15-year break has a decidedly negative impact on his life. Seeing the end result of this project and being able to compare and contrast Townshend’s voice and perspective now versus when he wrote "Tommy" and "Quadrophenia" should be interesting, no doubt, and new music from The Who is always great in my book………

- I am freaking moving to Argentina and I encourage all of you to join me. The Argentines are clearly innovators and they are willing to do what states across the United States of America are unwilling or unable to do: legalize the hippie lettuce. On Tuesday, Argentina's Supreme Court ruled it is unconstitutional to punish an adult for private use of marijuana as long as it doesn't harm anyone else. In other words, blaze away, Argentine stoners, blaze away. Nothing warms my heart quite like a country deciding that stoners can do their thing without being hassled by the government, so this decision gets a big thumbs-up from me. It makes Argentina the second Latin American country in the past four days to allow personal use of a formerly illegal drug. As with cases that go before the U.S. Supreme Court, this case was based on a specific case that had made its way through the Argentine legal system. The case involved five young men who were arrested for having a few joints in their pockets. Supreme Court Justice Carlos Fayt, who at one time supported laws that make personal use of marijuana illegal, admitted that "reality" changed his mind. I’m not sure what that means, but as long as this guy was part of a unanimous decision to legalize the chronic, it doesn’t really matter. Also, anyone who disagrees with this new law needs to realize that compared to the legal change made Friday in Mexico, Argentina’s new law is fairly tame. The Mexican law decriminalizes possessing low quantities of most drugs, including marijuana, heroin, cocaine and LSD. Brazil actually got the ball rolling on this trend earlier this year when one of its appeals court ruled that possession of drugs for personal use is not illegal. All I can say is that it’s about freaking time countries started legalizing mind-altering drugs that just plan make life more fun. For example, Mexico has been considering decriminalization for several years, particularly under the administration of former President Vicente Fox, who held office from 2000-2006, and doing a lot of dragging of their feet. Unfortunately, the W. administration opposed those measures and so Fox’s government held off. Now that Fox and W. are both long gone, Fox’s predecessor is taking up the fight. Also, the 17-nation Latin American Commission on Drugs and Democracy issued its recommendations in February after studying the issue of relaxing laws on drug possession and usage for a year. These Latin American leaders also seem to believe that because the U.S. is a leading consumer of the chronic, any reform on the issue needs to have American support. That’s a slippery slope, but if it can push our own government toward legalizing tree, then I’m all for it………

- I feel like anyone who needed this next warning really doesn’t deserve my help, but I will do it as a public service anyhow. For those who are out there doing Web searches for revealing pictures of celebrities like Jessica Biel, Brad Pitt or Miley Cyrus, be forewarned that there are computer deviants out there looking to jam you and your computer up with viruses for your troubles. Computer security company McAfee has released its list of the top 10 celebrity searches online that can lead to computer problems and leading the list was none other than my girl J. Biel. McAfee has officially named her the "most dangerous celebrity in cyberspace." What that means is that one in five Internet searches for terms related to "Jessica Biel" leads to a Web page, photo, video or piece of spam that contains a cyber-security threat. Clearly there is no link between good taste in music and being a Web threat, because Biel is the girlfriend of singer Justin Timberlake and if his toxic crap that passes as music isn't enough to taint Biel’s rep, then nothing is. Following Biel on the list are Beyonce, Jennifer Aniston, Tom Brady and the ever-expanding Jessica Simpson. Pitt actually topped last year's list, but this year he dropped all the way down to 10th. In explaining why Biel was at the top of the list, one McAfeee analyst did his best to break it down. "Biel is very, very popular right now, so it says to me that the cyber criminals really do know who's hot and who's not," said Shane Keats, a research analyst at McAfee. "They really are smart. They can spot a trend as well as anyone else can -- as well as Paris Hilton can." McAfee’s advice for avoiding these virsues and security threats are blatantly obvious and the sort of thing you should already know, but the gist of it is to avoid sites you don’t know and have never heard of. For the study, McAfee surveyed 900 Web sites and 150 ring tones and ranked celebrities based on the percentage of search results that were found to be damaging and on how harmful those sites turned out to be. As for stars who you might think would be at the top of the list but weren’t, Miley Cyrus and Lindsay Lohan both were in McAfee's top 15 but no higher and President Obama and first lady Michelle Obama ranked 34th and 39th, respectively. So now that I’ve forewarned those of you not smart enough to protect yourselves online, let’s move on………

Jay-Z on the comeback trail, sports betting in Delaware takes a hit and I laugh at something that makes one government official very angry

- Bad news for you, gambling degenerates of Delaware. A federal appeals court in Philadelphia ruled Monday that sports betting in Delaware would violate a 1992 federal ban on such wagering, meaning that your state will not be able to take the bets it was planning on taking starting next month. The court’s rulings effectively halts those plans and should be good news for Major League Baseball, the NBA, NFL, NHL and the NCAA, which all opposed the plan on the grounds that it violated the federal Professional and Amateur Sports Protection Act, would harm their reputations and expose kids to gambling. Lining up against those leagues was Delaware Gov. Jack Markell, who views sports betting as a means to rectify he’s state’s massive budget deficit thanks to an unprecedented shortfall in state tax revenues. In that sense, he’s not alone. States across the country are attempting to find ways to balance their budgets, with those attempts ranging from the logical (taxing cigarettes more) to the innovative (legalizing and taxing marijuana) and even the bizarre (a pole tax on strip clubs). However, the sports betting tact was definitely one of the most controversial measures and at least publicly, the attorneys who argued the case for the state appeared stunned by the ruling. “We're very disappointed with today's ruling," said Michael Barlow, the governor's legal counsel. I bet you are, Mike. The money a state could make off losers and degenerate gamblers who don’t realize that gambling is a tax on the stupid would be astounding. Laws on sports betting are confusing and convoluted, with four states – including Delaware - exempted from the federal ban on sports betting because it once ran an NFL sports lottery in 1976 that required parlay, or multiple bets, on at least three games. When the 1992 sports betting law was enacted, it restricted sports betting to the four states that met a deadline to sign up for it: Nevada, Delaware, Montana and Oregon. The sports leagues and organizations arguing against the sports betting plan in Delaware argued that the exemption does not allow Delaware to offer bets on single games, or on sports other than professional football. The court, led by Judge Theodore McKee, agreed with that argument. It ruled that the betting plan as currently structured violates the federal ban. Even with the ruling, the state could still go forward with parlay bets on NFL games, which the leagues concede are legal. Another option would be to appeal the ruling to the full appeals court, or to the U.S. Supreme Court. Key to this defeat seemed to be the court’s question to the state of what would happen if the state began sports betting in September, then had it declared illegal by the district court several months later. Individual bettors would have lost hundreds or thousands of dollars on what essentially was an illegal state scheme, McKee said. This is definitely a heated battle and one I don’t expect the state to give up on. However, it’s also not a battle I expect the state to win in the end……..

- I have to admit, I laughed and laughed and laughed when I first heard this story. In fact, I’m fairly certain that you’ll have the same reaction and yet there is at least one government official in Cairns, Australia who would be very, very upset with us for thinking it’s funny. Basically, some intrepid prankster decided that smearing glue on a toilet seat in a public restroom at a mall would be a great idea. From where I stand, this prankster was 100 percent correct, although I would never commit the prank simply because I am forever revolted by public restrooms and especially toilets in public restrooms, so touching one to put glue on it would be a no-go. But this individual was able to overcome his or her gag reflex, put the glue on the seat and make a clean getaway. Shortly thereafter, a 58-year-old man sat down on the toilet seat, had it adhere to his butt and was subsequently taken to a hospital to have it removed. At this point, I am torn. Sure, I could have sympathy for this poor guy with a toilet seat stuck to his ass. However, on the rare occasion when I have been forced to use a toilet in a public restroom, I have never, ever made contact with the actual toilet seat. This dude would have done well to remember one word: hover. But hover he did not and as such, an ambulance had to be called to remove man from toilet seat and break the bond of the fast-acting adhesive glue used by our heroic prankster. Even after the toilet seat was removed, paramedics still took the man to the hospital as a precautionary measure. The aforementioned government official desperately in need of a sense of humor would be Di Forsyth, who clearly is not a fan of a good prank. "I'm disgusted that a gentlemen has had to go through that because someone thinks it's funny," Forsyth said. "It's a sick joke." Forsyth added that while not injured by the incident, the victim was "extremely embarrassed" by his experience. One final note in this case is that police are urging possible witnesses to this “crime” to come forward, a plea I am strongly urging anyone who actually saw this happen to ignore. Don’t be a rat, don’t narc out someone who pulled a hilarious prank and don’t you dare help The Man find the responsible party…….

- Degenerate losers with no friends and no lives are doing it, kids are doing it, so why not firefighters? Of course, I am referring to the phenomenon that is video games in this country. Whether it’s Halo, Madden ’10 or any of the other litany of games and game consoles – Wii, Xbox, PlayStation – that are extremely popular, gaming is everywhere and video games are being used for purposes other than their normal one – providing some semblance of an actual social life for people without one. Now that cities across the nation are facing budget cuts that are forcing them to scale back programs and services, many communities are turning to computer simulations to ensure their firefighters are ready to take charge when they arrive at the next real fire. To heck with the old-fashioned, hands-on training sessions. Towns like Wheat Ridge, Colorado are moving onward and upward – assuming that by onward and upward, you mean they’re having their firefighters sit down in front of a TV screen and get their inner gamer on. “In our current economic crisis that we are facing we have to be prudent with our dollars," Wheat Ridge Fire Chief Steven Gillespie said. "The reality is that we just don't fight that many fires anymore, so a lot of our members don't have the exposure of making decisions under stressful situations.” Yes, and nothing is more stressful than controlling an animated character on your 27” flat screen, knowing that if you make one wrong move, that little artificial person will lose his or her non-existent life. So last week, the Wheat Ridge Fire Department became the first in Colorado to stage a training session that looked a whole lot like a bunch of no-friend-having dorks gathering in someone’s basement for a marathon World of Warcraft session. Several of the department’s firefighters gathered in front of a video screen, controllers in hand, and fought a virtual house fire. Instead of venturing out into the real world, where real fires and real simulations happen, they were able to accomplish this from the comfort of an air conditioned room at Wheat Ridge Fire Station 1. In spite of this slightly ridiculous image, Gillespie claims that the computer simulation, which also includes other firefighters placed in a separate room where they make decisions about how the firefighters next door should respond, is challenging. "Some of our members have equated that it is actually harder in the command box than it is commanding the fire in the streets," Gillespie said. The first round of virtual training included only Wheat Ridge’s fire commanders, but the department plans to expand it to include all firefighters, as well as continuing to offer the training to other Colorado fire departments. So if you live in the thriving metropolis of Wheat Ridge and your home or business catches on fire, rest assured that men and women who have in-depth training fighting virtual fires on a TV screen will be riding to the rescue……..

- Let’s face it, the appendix has long gotten a bum rap in the human body. It doesn’t provide vital filtering like the kidneys, it doesn’t pump blood like the heart or pull oxygen from inhaled air like the lungs. In fact, the commonly-held belief is that the appendix is little more than a waste of space that many people end up having removed anyhow. Thankfully, a group of researchers at Duke University Medical Center in Durham, N.C. are taking up for the appendix and showing that it just might have value after all. In fact, researcher William Parker and his team may have found evidence to suggest that the appendix a) possesses a critical function and b) appears in nature a lot more often than before thought. "Maybe it's time to correct the textbooks," said Parker, an immunologist at Duke University Medical Center. "Many biology texts today still refer to the appendix as a 'vestigial organ.'” The appendix, technically known as the vermiform appendix, is basically a slimy sac that hangs between the small and large intestines (prime internal organ real estate if you ask me). The first scientist to suggest that the appendix was nothing more than a vestigial organ was none other than old Chuck Darwin. "Everybody likely knows at least one person who had to get their appendix taken out - slightly more than 1 in 20 people do - and they see there are no ill effects, and this suggests that you don't need it," Parker said. Still, he and his research team conducted a study showing that the appendix still served as a vital safehouse where good bacteria could lie in wait until they were needed to repopulate the gut after a nasty case of diarrhea. Previous studies have also shown that the appendix can help make, direct and train white blood cells. Parker went on to contradict Darwin’s theories about the appendix, saying it has been around for a long time and wasn’t merely a lately evolutionary byproduct (if you’re someone who believes in evolution, which I do not). “The appendix has been around for at least 80 million years, much longer than we would estimate if Darwin's ideas about the appendix were correct," Parker said. "When species are divided into groups called 'families,' we find that more than 70 percent of all primate and rodent groups contain species with an appendix.” Aside from that 80 million-year figure, there are some extremely interesting and cogent points in Parker’s analysis. White blood cells are obviously important in the immune system when it comes to fighting diseases and infections, so if the appendix can aid in that battle, big ups to the appendix. Not that I needed any additional reasons to completely disagree with Darwin, but it’s always nice to have one. So now that we know the appendix has an actual function and purpose, the question being asked is whether anything can be done to prevent appendicitis. Parker suggests it might be possible to devise ways to incite our immune systems today in much the same manner that they were challenged back in the Stone Age. To read more on this study, I suggest you do what I do, namely subscribe to the Journal of Evolutionary Biology and get your hands on the publication’s August 12 issue, or simply browse its Web site for the story……..

- The comeback is picking up steam for Jay-Z, who announced Monday that he will give a benefit concert at New York's Madison Square Garden on September 11th, the same day his eleventh studio album, "The Blueprint 3," hits shelves. The first two singles from the new album -- "D.O.A." and "Run This Town" -- reached No. 24 and No. 3 respectively on the Billboard Hot 100 chart this week, although we’ve established before how meaningless those lists are in determining what’s good music and what is not. Besides, a hip-hop legend like H.O.V.A. doesn’t need a top ranking on some bogus rankings list to validate any of his music. In addition to those two songs, two other tracks from “Blueprint 3” leaked online Sunday, giving fans a chance to hear "Off That" featuring Drake and produced by Timbaland, and "Reminder," also produced by Timbaland, before the whole album drops. I’ve lost count of how many comebacks this makes for Jay-Z following his many retirements, but let’s just say that unlike that a-hole Brett Favre, I’m always glad to see Jay-Z make a comeback. The benefit concert at MSG will raise money for an awesome cause, the New York Police and Fire Widows' and Children's Benefit Fund. It’s a charity created to support the families of police officers and firefighters who have died in the line of duty. It will be the second time Jay-Z has performed in the New York area in the past few months after his appearance on July 31 at the All Points West festival when he stepped in at the last minute replace the Beastie Boys, who had to cancel due to rapper Adam Yauch's cancer diagnosis. Ticket information for the benefit concert information will be announced shortly, but if you can’t make it to the show, it will be broadcast by Fuse. Good to have you back, H.O.V.A., hip-hop isn't the same without you……..

A scary story for Michael Beasley, how Jack Bauer has apparently inspired the CIA and some selfish Boston Red Sox whine

- Maybe it’s just me, but if I’m a Major League Baseball player my team is slowly but surely pissing away its playoff chances and has been soundly thumped by its main rival in six of the last seven meetings between the two, I’d be all for any personnel move that could make my squad better. That’s how I would think, but Boston Red Sox closer Jonathan Papelbon is taking a different approach. With the Sox poised to acquire New York Mets reliever Billy Wagner, Papelbon is taking a less-than-enthusiastic point of view on the potential trade. After Wagner was placed on waivers by the Mets, the Red Sox put in a claim on the left-handed power pitcher and now one of three things can happen. The Mets could pull Wagner back off waivers and keep him for the rest of the season (not happening), the two teams could work out a trade or the Mets could simply let Wagner go without receiving anything in return. When news of Wagner’s possible acquisition reached Papelbon, he wanted none of it. "What has he done? Has he pitched this year?" Papelbon said an interview. "Is he ready to pitch or is he not? ... I think our bullpen is good where we're at right now. Don't get me wrong. But I guess you could always make it better. It's kind of like the [Eric] Gagne thing, I guess.” That last comment would be a reference to the Red Sox's 2007 deadline acquisition of Eric Gagne, a former all-star closer who bombed out in Boston, amassing a 6.75 ERA in 20 games with Boston. By linking him to Wagner, Papelbon isn't exactly giving a ringing endorsement to Wagner to say the least. To answer the question Papelbon posed, Wagner has pitched one scoreless inning this season after returning from Tommy John surgery, performed last September. Now that the Red Sox have claimed Wagner off waivers, the Mets have until early Tuesday afternoon to work out a deal. In a potential trade, the Red Sox would have to assume about $3.5 million still owed to Wagner for this season. If the two sides cannot agree on a trade, that’s when Wagner would likely be allowed to leave without compensation. However, if the Mets do pull him back off waivers and keep him, they would no longer be able to trade him this season. Papelbon isn't the only Red Sox player who has spoken out against this deal. Red Sox setup man Manny Delcarmen backed up his bullpen mate and he too drew parallels between Wagner and Eric Gagne. “We loved Gagne coming over here, just the stuff that he had, but it was an awkward situation this late in the season," Delcarmen explained. "I think our bullpen is fine right now.” Way to embrace a team-first mentality guys, putting the interests of the group ahead of your own egos. Hard to figure out why your season is going south so quickly…….

- It may not be “Pulp Fiction,” but Quentin Tarantino’s latest film was good enough to top the box office this weekend. "Inglourious Basterds," Tarantino’s revisionist take on WWII starring Brad Pitt, grossed an estimated $37.6 million for the top spot. That was more than good enough to dethrone reigning box office champ "District 9.” It also marked the best opening weekend for a Tarantino film, besting "Kill Bill Vol. 2," which brought in $25 million in April 2004. As for “District,” it held fairly strong in its second week of release with $18.9 million to push its total ten-day gross to $73 million. “G.I. Joe” had another solid, unspectacular week with $12.5 million and its three-week cumulative total now stands at $120 million. Rounding out the top five were chick flicks "The Time Traveler's Wife" ($10 million in its second week) and "Julie & Julia" ($9 million for a $59 million tally thus far). Among newcomers to the local multiplex, Warner Bros.’ PG-rated kid flick "Shorts" fell well short of expectations with a mere $6.6 million to finish in sixth place. That was still good enough to make it the top new film for the weekend, as it beat out Fox Searchlight's post-college flick "Post Grad" starring Alexis Bledel, which grossed only $2.8 million despite opening in 1,959 locations. Overall, the box office was up 26 percent compared to the same time last year. That actually marks three straight weeks of that happening after four weekends of extremely underwhelming box office weekends. Next weekend should be christened “Horror Sequel Weekend,” with "Halloween II" and "The Final Destination 3-D” on the way and expected to scare up some big box office dollars for their respective studios, good times……..

- This is a play straight out of the “Ailing Dictators 101” handbook. With former Cuban President Fidel Castro in hiding since he had abdominal surgery in 2006 and having ceded power to his brother Raul when he stepped down as president in February 2008, there has been rampant speculation as to the elder Castro’s health and even if he’s actually still alive (the same thing often asked of Penn State football coach Joe Paterno). And even though he’s no longer in power (supposedly), ensuring that the world believes that Fidel Castro is alive and well remains something of a priority for Cuba’s Communist government. To that end, Cuban state television has broadcast what it called recent footage of Fidel Castro, looking surprisingly healthy and well-rested. Then on Sunday, a new photo of Castro surfaced, marking the second time in 10 days that such a picture has been made public. The image, published in Cuba's state-run youth newspaper, Juventud Rebelde, shows the 83-year-old Castro, meeting with Ecuadorian President Rafael Correa. These Castro sightings are a marked change from the past three years, during which Castro has rarely been shown on Cuban TV. As for the video, it shows him speaking with a group of visiting Venezuelan students at an undisclosed location. These commie sycophants are shown presenting Castro with a T-shirt and sing, "We love you, Fidel. We love you." Now I suppose if your options are give a gift and sing or be thrown into prison for the rest of your natural life, then option A becomes admittedly better than it might initially appear. I would also be remiss if I didn’t give big ups to the makeup artists who got Castro ready for his staged photo op, er, candid moment when a camera just happened to be present. You have to see this guy, rocking a well-groomed appearance, a white short-sleeve shirt and looking every bit like he could pull a Brett Favre, unretire and be back to his Communist dictator ways today. So I guess if you’re a member of the Communist Party in Cuba (and with only one legal political party there, I suppose that would include everyone), it would be good to see your leader upright and breathing, even if that means you’re still every bit as repressed and having all of your individual freedoms stripped from you on a daily basis……….

- Maybe Jack Bauer is more of a realistic role model than we all thought. Having an interrogator break out a gun or an electric drill to convince a prisoner to cooperate certainly seems like something you would see Kiefer Sutherland do on the set of “24,” but apparently that sort of thing also happens in real life. That’s according to a long-concealed inspector-general's report due made public today, revealing that CIA interrogators threatened an al Qaeda prisoner with a gun and an electric drill to try to scare him into giving up information. Now lest you think these interrogators were totally overboard psychopaths, know that they did show restraint in using gun and drill in two separate interrogation sessions against Abd al-Rahim al-Nashiri. If that name sounds familiar, it’s because Al-Nashiri is accused of plotting the 2000 attack on the USS Cole, which left 17 U.S. sailors dead. This report is being released, albeit in redacted form, as part of a lawsuit filed by the ACLU. These Black and Decker interrogations took place in the CIA's infamous secret prisons before 2006, when then-President W. moved all detainees from such facilities to Gitmo. On top of their hardware-laden torture sessions, the inspector-general's report alleges that interrogators staged mock executions to try to frighten detainees into talking. Of course, the CIA is hiding behind the usual bureaucratic bullsh*t and double-talk in addressing the report. “The CIA in no way endorsed behavior -- no matter how infrequent -- that went beyond formal guidance. This has all been looked at; professionals in the Department of Justice decided if and when to pursue prosecution. That's how the system was supposed to work, and that's how it did work," CIA spokesman Paul Gimigliano said. Thanks for saying a lot of words and telling us nothing, Paulie. Other sources disagree with Gimigliano’s assessment and say that the report shows that some torturers, er, interrogators did indeed violate protocol. One of these unidentified sources said about a dozen cases of potential misconduct by interrogators were referred to the Justice Department. Based on this report and other factors, Attorney General Eric Holder is considering whether to appoint a prosecutor to investigate the CIA interrogation program, begun by the W. administration after the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks. Something tells me that legal eagles will be lining up and foaming at the mouth for a shot at that opportunity if it becomes available……..

- I definitely feel for forward Michael Beasley of the Miami Heat, who is being treated for depression-related issues at a Houston rehabilitation facility. He reportedly checked into the facility last week and at this point, it’s not known how long he will remain at the facility. Not that basketball is of the utmost importance when dealing with a serious mental health issue like depression, but the Heat do open training camp on Sept. 28 and obviously no one knows if Beasley, the No. 2 pick in the 2008 NBA draft, will be available by that point. A new photo was posted Friday to his Twitter account, in which Beasley displays a new tattoo across his shoulders and there is a small plastic bag on a nearby table. its contents unknown. Also unknown is whether Beasley was already in rehab at the time the picture was taken. Included with the picture were several comments, including "Feelin like it's not worth livin!!!!!!! I'm done" and "I feel like the whole world is against me I can't win for losin." That account has since been shut down, as was another Beasley used earlier this year. It’s an odd and disconcerting situation for a guy who definitely has his share of inner demons despite finishing his rookie season as Miami's second-leading scorer, averaging 13.9 points and 5.4 rebounds. But even with Heat coach Erik Spoelstra and team president Pat Riley talking often this summer about utilizing Beasley more this coming season, if a person is dealing with serious depression then that wouldn’t be enough to drag them out of their depressed state. Beasley was also known amongst his Heat teammates as a slightly immature, goofy guy who often acted like a teenager. He was also fined $50,000 last September after security officers at the NBA's rookie symposium caught he and fellow rookies , Mario Chalmers, Darrell Arthur and two women sparking up, er, detected the scent of the hippie lettuce in Beasley’s hotel room. Beasley also stated in January that there were times during his first six months as a professional that he felt "everyone was against me" and that many things "get blown out of proportion" -- referring specifically to the rookie symposium incident. All in all, this is clearly a guy who is having a difficult time dealing with the NBA lifestyle and its demands, so here’s hoping that his stint in rehab and the treatment he receives there help him to overcome his depression and find a way to lead a happy, productive life……..