- Who isn't the gas crisis hitting hard? Food prices are going up, airline prices are skyrocketing and delivery services are charging more to transport your goods. But dammit, this time it has gone too far because those bloated fuel costs are hitting America where it hurts - the adult entertainment industry. The strip club is a valued institution in every American community worth its salt - and by “valued institution” I mean it’s a place where desperate losers go to see drug-addled skanks take off their clothes and rub on brass poles because those desperate losers can't get any girl to take off her clothes and have sex with them of her own free will and without being paid for it. But with gas prices soaring and Americans forced to more closely examine their spending, strip clubs are taking a hit. Men no longer have those extra $1 bills to shove down the G-string of Cinnamon, Ginger and Bambi. They can’t afford the two-drink minimum at their local strip joint and those high gas prices make it tough to drive two towns over to the strip club so their wife or girlfriend doesn’t see their car in the parking lot of the strip joint in their hometown. Nowhere is the problem more evident than Florida’s First Coast. In Jacksonville. the typical lunch crowd at Sinsations has dwindled to just two guys and a couple of sandwiches. That’s just disgusting - and I don’t just mean the sandwiches in a strip joint. The reality of the situation is spelled out by Joe Serafini, manager of the Emperor's Gentlemen's Club in Jacksonville. “People just don't have the money to go out, they don't have the money to buy a drink, they certainly don't have the money to spend on an entertainer,” said the manager of Joe Serafini. Nice use of the word “entertainer” as opposed to stripper or skank, by the way. Serafini also says he has been forced to lay off staff, reduce prices and limit hours to turn a profit and managers at Sinsations say their income has dropped by roughly 35 percent in recent months. “I have to go to other places to try to make the money,” said an exotic dancer known as Storm. Other places like the nearest corner in a leather miniskirt, I wonder…but cutting down on your coke usage might also help. “[I've gone from] about a grand a week, down to a couple hundred,” Storm added. Yeah, you really can’t sustain a good drug habit on that income. Oddly enough, although many strip club patrons are likely among those who have received an economic stimulus refund from the federal government, Serafini says that money is not being spent in his club. It’s a sad story and just another illustration of how the W. administration is choking out America’s economy.
- Did we or did we not abolish slavery about a century and a half ago in these here United States? I was under the impression that we did and most of your probably were as well. Someone forgot to send the memo to millionaire perfume maker Mahhender Sabhnani, 51, of Central Islip, N.Y. Mr. Sabhnani and his wife Varsha apparently kept two Indonesian housekeepers as virtual slaves. The couple exploited these two poor women just as so many rich people do with those who immigrate to the U.S. in search of a better life. Varsha Sabhnani was the mastermind of this exploitation scheme, so she received 11 years in prison. Her husband was only a small part of the operation, so he got off with 40 months in prison and a $12,500 fine. Ironically, that’s probably hundreds of times more money than the Sabhnanis ever paid to their two slave maids. Why is it that the richest, most prosperous people are so often the most despicable, classless a-holes when it comes to how they treat those under them? Hope saving a few bucks on paying your help was worth spending several years behind bars, idiots….
- God bless you, tree huggers. On the totem pole of rioters, protestors and social dissidents, you rank at or near the bottom. You choose non-violent, peaceful methods of dissent such as climbing up in trees and living there as opposed to setting cars and buildings on fire, throwing rocks and Molotov cocktails and clashing with police. Yet you have your purpose and place in the world of dissidents, so I still salute your efforts. The University of California, Berkeley has long been home to pot-smoking liberal activists, especially during the ‘70s. But that spirit lives on in the new millennium thanks to an intrepid group of tree huggers looking to save an oak tree grove that is being threatened by the university’s plans for a massive new athletic training center. In December 2006, dozens of protestors climbed into trees in the endangered grove and proceeded to live there in protest of the new construction. Since then, university administrators have won a court order allowing them to evict the protestors and put that order into action by cutting supply lines and yanking many of the activists out of their arboreal homes. The remaining half dozen protestors were driven into a single redwood tree and there they remain to this day, some 18 months later. These hearty souls refused the administration’s demands to move and also to ration water, so the aggravated administrators finally gave in and offered them sustenance. A court case challenging the construction of the training facility is nearing its end, so this matter could come to a head very soon. Still, the remaining tree huggers are in it for as long as it takes. One of their ground-based supporters, a woman identifying herself only as Citizyn (what is it with tree-dwellers and bizarre single names?), says those still in the tree are well-trained climbers who will not give up. Best of success to you, peaceful protestors, I hope you win your battle or at the minimum finally get to take a shower…..
- Driving his opponent out of the race with a campaign of violence, murder and terror just wasn’t enough for Zimbabwean President Bob Mugabe. As the nation’s runoff election approached, he and his forces of machete-wielding youth militia members continued to terrorize voters even though Mugabe was the only candidate that was still in the election. That fact didn’t stop the weapon-laden youths from running around, assaulting people and threatening them to go to the polls and vote Friday. Voters was threatened with violence and death if they didn’t have red ink on their fingers - the sign that a person had voted in the election. Mugabe went ahead with the election that the rest of the world recognized as a total sham and proudly declared his victory, pointing at the results like an excited toddler pointing to a turd in the toilet bowl when he’s being potty trained. Ironically, Mugabe’s win smells just as foully as a pile of crap and is equally as pleasant. So he’s “won” (i.e. forcefully ripped with guns, knives, beatings, murders and intimidation) another five-year term in office. Sorry about that, Zimbabwe, words can’t express how terribly you all must feel at this point.
- Soccer fan is one of those constants you can count on in life. When all else fails and nothing goes according to plan, there’s soccer fan, acting like a freaking hooligan and doing what soccer fan does - cause chaos. Whether it’s bagging up urine to make urine bombs to lob at opposing fans, throwing lit flares at the other team’s goalie, rioting in the streets because their team lost or starting brawls in the stands, soccer fan is guaranteed fun every day of the week. So of course soccer fan would be in all his glory at the 2008 Euro championships, which just wrapped up yesterday with the championship match between Germany and Spain. However, soccer fan’s finest moment came in a semifinal game between Croatia and Germany in which Croatian fans are alleged to have displayed signs with Nazi-themed messages on them and shouted Nazi-themed chants. Great move, soccer fan. Nothing says supporting your team and showing spirit like chanting and representing for a group responsible for the largest genocide in the history of the world. But hey, I’m sure no descendents of the 6 million-plus Jews who were killed by the Nazis would take offense to your act, not when it’s for a good cause like a freaking soccer game. It wasn’t even the title match, it was a quarterfinal game. Good thing Croatia was eliminated in the quarterfinal round, because I don’t want to imagine what their fans would have broken out if they had advanced. What’s next, some Darfur smack? Wanna fly the Zimbabwean flag and chant about Robert Mugabe brutalizing and killing his own people to win an election? Class it up, soccer fan. Even for you, running Nazi smack is low class.
No comments:
Post a Comment