- Former NBA player Jason Caffey has a big problem on his hands. He clearly loves sex, but he has an equally strong hate for any and all forms of birth control. Further compounding his woes is a loathing for making child support payments, meaning my man J. Caffey finds himself in quite a predicament. So far in life, he has cranked out 10 children with eight different women, with the only common threads across that time being his love of sex, his aversion to condoms and his refusal to help support the kids he has fathered. It would be a pickle for any current or former pro athlete to find themselves in, even if they are or were an elite, superstar talent with tens of millions of dollars in the bank. For a career journeyman like Caffey, it’s a freaking nightmare. How do you pay for all of those kids? I may not have a good answer for that, but neither does Jason Caffey. Caffey was hauled into court this week for failure to pay child support for at least one of his 10/8 (my abbreviation for 10 kids by eight women). He was already ordered to jail once, back in 2007, after falling behind $100,000 in child support payments to his son with Lorunda Brown, but the order was put on hold after he filed for bankruptcy. That bankruptcy filing is nearly as astonishing as the 10/8 because in his last NBA contract, Caffey managed to fleece the Chicago Bulls out of $35 million in guaranteed money, cementing his dual status as a bad guy and a bad investment. His lawyer is now seeking a detailed account of Caffey's finances and to be honest, I think that’s something we all want to see. Learning about how a guy blew through $35 million in a matter of a few years is always a good time, even if it does mean that his 10/8 aren't getting the financial support they need and deserve. Stay tuned on this one….
- Go ahead and keep trying to sell everyone on the idea that being able to carry a handgun is a good idea, gun rights honks. Those of you who advocate the right of average citizens to pack heat need to explain to me why a grandmother in Columbia, South Carolina was stashing a handgun in her purse while shopping at Sam’s Club and then you need to clue me in as to how her 4-year-old granddaughter snatching the gun from the purse and accidentally shooting herself in the chest is a positive development. This poor little girl was riding along in the shopping cart her grandma was pushing, found the gun and shot herself, causing serious injuries that necessitated immediate surgery. Thankfully she survived the surgery and at last check was in critical condition, but why don’t we take this as a universal sign that it’s time to consider stricter laws on gun control? Spare me the argument about how I can't disregard the many responsible gun owners out there because of the carelessness of one sloppy individual. Fact is, one of these incidents is one too many. Also, this isn't the only knucklehead out there who doesn’t do a good enough job of keeping her gun out of the way of kids. If we severely tightened up the rules on who can have a gun and under what circumstances, this woman wouldn’t have been allowed to possess a concealed weapon inside a Sam’s Club (what, did she think she might need it in case a crazed assassin jumped out from behind a giant 10-gallon vat of pickles to attack her?) and her granddaughter wouldn’t have been shot and rushed to the emergency room. Until you can guarantee me that none of these incidents will happen, ever, then I cannot and do not support your right to own a gun and will continue to insist that you have that right ripped from you.
- Sure Dennis Kucinich is a peculiar, odd-looking little gnome whom most of his constituents and fellow legislators in our nation’s capital would like to squash with a giant fly swatter. Yes, he’s made ill-fated, lame-duck runs at a presidential nomination and the sight of his freaky grill can scare children under the age of 5 to the point of a mental breakdown, but does that mean we shouldn’t at least listen to his ideas? I say no, and if you think it’s just because Kucinich took the floor in the House of Representatives late last week and implored his fellow representatives to impeach W…….well, you’d be right. There are a few accomplishments in life that, if you are able to attain them, basically cement your status as a great man or woman regardless of what else you do with your life. Find a cure for cancer, solve the world’s energy crisis or its food shortage, bring peace to the Middle East….or successfully impeach the worst president in the history of the United States. That’s what Rep. Kucinich is looking to do and I for one support him wholeheartedly. He read his sentiments in a floor speech and although Speaker Nancy Pelosi has previously stated that impeachment is “off the table,” I’m going to be bold and say that she’s wrong. Sure, W. will be booted from office at year’s end and you’d like to think that in six months-plus, there’s not that much damage he can do….but this is W. This ass clown could launch a whole ‘nother unjustified war in that time, maybe even two of them. Impeachment proceedings cost money and time, but in this case, they’re worth it. Get rid of this tool, do it now and do it with a unanimous vote, Congress.
- You can debate whether or no karma really exists, but one Florida man can offer conclusive proof that not only is karma real, it is swift and sure. The 50-year-old man decided that while his wife was out of town, he would have a little fun by hiring a nude maid from the Internet and having her clean that house while playing to his own freaky fetish. He booked the maid for last Friday, and the woman arrived at the home in a one-piece, light colored dress. She then took off the dress and cleaned the house for $100-per-hour, authorities said. Good way to spend the money there, ace. Your wife will never notice that your finances took a couple-hundred-dollar hit and wonder where the money went. What she will notice, however, is when she comes home from vacation and discovers $40,000 in jewelry missing from her bedroom. Also have to love the fact that the man told deputies he left the maid alone in the bedroom to clean, according to sheriff's office spokeswoman Debbie Carter. Maybe I’m just not getting this, but if you hire a nude maid to come to your house, aren’t you going to spend the time she’s there watching her? Isn't that the point of hiring a nude maid? If you’re just going to go about your business and allow them to clean, wouldn’t you just hire a normal maid for half that price? Furthermore, if you hire a maid and she’s coming to your house for the first time, aren’t you keeping a close eye on her just to be sure? This whole mess also begs the question of how the maid stole from this suburban Tampa home despite not wearing any clothes, but the whole thing is just hilarious. This guy is screwed in about a dozen different ways, but you can’t say he didn’t bring it upon himself.
- Who thinks to themselves, “Hey, know what we should do to really honor what we believe in and get people to recognize our cause? Fly a 1,500-square-foot flag that symbolizes racism, slavery, oppression and centuries of abuse near one of the busiest stretches of highway in the state of Florida,”? The freaking Sons of Confederate Veterans, that’s who. These tools have decided that bringing up old, bitter, hurtful feelings and memories that the Confederate flag inevitably stirs up is worth it in order to fly their ginormous flag atop a 139-foot flagpole, over one of the busiest highway interchanges in Florida. The flag, which the SCV claim is the world's largest Confederate flag, is located on a private triangle of land tucked near where Interstates 75 and 4 meet. The flag measures 50 feet by 30 feet, but what you can't measure is the absolute lack of class, sensitivity and respect these idiots are showing by flying it. John Adams, commander of the organization's Florida division, has spearheaded the project, which includes plans for an accompanying memorial park. Wonder if it will contain reenactments of rich white landowners beating, abusing an oppressing their black slaves? Adams anticipates outrage over the display but his reply is indifferent at best. “You're going to hear some complaints about it for sure,” Adams said. “But it's a free country as far as I know.” It is a free country, so feel free to not dredge up hateful, hurtful memories of one of the worst periods in the history of this nation, John. With values like the ones you’re espousing, I have to wonder if you’re the same John Adams who was one of this country’s founding fathers, which would go a long ways toward explaining why you’re flying a flag promoting values that are centuries out of touch. Yes, I understand that to many backwards, socially stunted people living across many Southern states, the rebel flag represents a heritage that includes fighting and dying for the Confederate cause during the Civil War. For those of us who have moved past 1863, it represents dark memories attached to slavery and racial inequality. So I have to side with Curtis Stokes, president of the NAACP in Hillsborough County, who hopes that a groundswell of opposition to raising the flag might convince the Sons of Confederate Veterans to reconsider. Sadly, a small-minded group like the Sons of Confederate Veterans isn't likely to reverse field on this one, so maybe we can put a bounty on that flag and give a reward for the first person to steal and destroy it….
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