- Thank God someone is finally looking out for the beautiful people. While immigration reform regarding border security and other larger issues may have proven to be well beyond the capabilities of the 110th Congress, House Democrats are still trying to zero in on what really matters: bringing more foreign models to the U.S. Under current immigration policy, models coming to the United States for a photo shoot or an event for any length of time must compete with high-tech workers for precious H-1B visas. Now if I’m making the choice and it’s between a hot, foreign (preferable female) model, it’s a no-contest. Visa granted for the model, tech worker get back in line. However, in a ruthless, distant bureaucracy like our government, decisions unfortunately aren't made that way. But that could all change under a bill that cleared the Judiciary Committee last week, which would have models would be moved into a separate immigration category, freeing up more H-1B slots for tech dorks. For some idiotic reason, these two groups have been lumped together since 1991, when an immigration package set this ill-advised precedent. At the time, it seemed like a moot point because the number of available H-1B visas was greater than the number of qualified applicants seeking them. Things have swung the other direction in recent years, with as many as 165,000 applicants annually for the category’s 85,000 possible spots. Wanna guess who’s been getting the short end of this immigration stick? The hot, foreign models, that’s right. The numbers are just appalling: according to the committee report accompanying the bill, the government issued between 614 and 790 visas to models in each year between 2000 and 2005. Yes, less than a thousand of these hotties were allowed access to our country in those years. From there, things only worsened. The number of model visas issued was all the way down to 349 in fiscal year 2007. Enter the hero of our story, Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-N.Y.). By the way, who wouldn’t be proud to have Rep. Wiener representing them in Congress? I know I would. Rep. Wiener (Wiener, Wiener, Wiener, Wiener, Wiener, Wiener, Wiener, Wiener, Wiener) has introduced a bill that would create 1,000 new visa slots for these deserving models, and his reasoning (as if he needs any, it’s Congress after all) is that the visa shortage is a problem in Manhattan but also in his Brooklyn district, which feels the impact in terms of the loss of “ancillary benefits” such as jobs in the industry or increased business. His bill would move models into a new P-4 visa category, one associated with entertainers and athletes and its language requires that the visiting model be “of distinguished merit and ability” and that the event or photo shoot have a “distinguished reputation.” If by “distinguished merit or ability” you mean that they should be really, really hot, then I agree. We don’t want ugly or marginally attractive models crashing our borders. I’m just happy that we won't be limited to bland, boring, American models in overwhelming quantities while high-quality foreign talent goes elsewhere. So thanks to Rep. Wiener (Wiener, Wiener, Wiener, Wiener, Wiener, Wiener) for sponsoring this valuable bill to Senate Judiciary Committee members Orrin G. Hatch (R-Utah) and Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.) for saying this week that they could get behind Weiner’s model bill. You all are true patriots and our country will be a better place because of your efforts.
- The New York Mets are lacking a lot of commodities right now - wins, defense, hitting, solid relief pitching - but perhaps the most glaring deficiency in their organization is class on the part of the front office and ownership. There’s really no other way to characterize a team waiting until 3:15 in the morning during a west-coast trip to fire its manager via press release, as the Mets did with Willie Randolph. That he was fired was no surprise; rumors of Randolph’s demise have been circulating ever since the Mets finished off one of the biggest collapses in the history of professional sports last fall in coming from ahead to lose the National League East to the Philadelphia Phillies after holding a double-digit lead late into the summer. The team continued its uninspired, erratic play this season despite adding the biggest acquisition of the offseason in ace starting pitcher Johan Santana and came out of the gate with a 34-35 record, seven games back of first-place Philly. There have been meetings between Randolph and Mets GM Omar Minaya, meetings between Minaya and ownership and meetings between just about anyone involved with this whole debacle. Numerous times, the word has been that the team needed to have a good week or it would cost Willie his job. In other words, he was going to be fired this season, one way or another. That’s fine, because if he’s not doing a good enough job and you think someone else can do better, go for it. But do it with some class and show Randolph some respect, respect you didn’t show him by canning him in the wee hours of the morning after his team flew across the country and beat the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim in Orange County North of San Diego Monday night. Executing your plan under those circumstances is a chicken sh*t move, one designed to shield those responsible for the decision from having to face anyone and explain it. Instead, you send out your press release and head off to bed, leaving the crap storm to rage outside while you rest comfortably. I’m sure Randolph appreciated being treated with such callous disdain as well. Who doesn’t enjoy having their employer fire them via press release and do so in the middle of the night? The Baltimore Colts packing up and leaving town in the middle of the night to move to Indianapolis welcome you to the club of gutless wonders, Mets. Your franchise had better hope that karma isn't real, because if it is, the total lack of decency and professionalism you’ve just shown will boomerang back and further ruin what has already been a terrible season for you.
- Same-sex marriages are a source of intense debate in the United States thanks to the new law in California permitting such unions, but I don’t think we’re going to see a case quite like the one now going on in Paraguay. As someone with a moral opposition to legalizing same-sex marriages, the images coming from California are definitely unsettling and not cool, but they’re not nearly as bizarre as the idea of two people being thrown into prison for taking part in a same-sex marriage ceremony and being released from jail because it’s revealed that the groom isn't actually a woman, but rather a hermaphrodite. Prosecutor Jose Planas order the couple jailed on Friday after their civil union took place on the basis that they were both women and thus violating the country’s law against same-sex marriages. Planas reversed field Monday when it came to light that the groom, Alejandro Martinez, was not a woman but rather a hermaphrodite. I’m not sure how that improves the situation, but for the happy couple, getting out of jail has to be nice. It’s not so nice for the rest of us who now have that bad mental image stuck in our heads, though. The story has actually become a hot topic in Paraguay, where people clearly have a much better stomach for this kind of story than I do. Moving on….
- Where is the Zohan when you really need him? Oh, that’s right, he’s starring in abysmal, clichéd comedy flops at your local multiplex. Truth is, the Middle East could use an infusion of the Zohan’s skills right now, what with him being both a world-class hair stylist and a badass soldier/anti-terror fighter. Police launched a major crackdown in neighborhoods around Tehran Saturday against men and women whose appearance and wardrobe don’t conform to strict Islamic standards. Hair salons and clothing stores where more modern, non-B.C. looks can be crafted were shut down and both motorists and pedestrians were stopped as the cops looked to stamp out any vestiges of Western culture or individuality. Women who were not wearing long, loose robes and covering their hair in public and men who did not look as if they were living in 400 B.C. were detained by police in an attempt to enforce the overzealous, backwards notion that everyone must follow the type of religion that the government wants and can’t in any way seek to be modern or free-thinking. If only the Zohan could go to Tehran, he could give fabulous, modern hairstyles to the people there AND fight against the police who would oppress them…..
- At the risk of having New York baseball overload, I’m going to rip a second Big Apple baseball team in a single day. Actually, I’m only ripping New York Yankees owner Hank “Ass Hat” Steinbrenner, but I have enough vitriol and venom for him to cover the entire freaking island of Manhattan, the Bronx, Brooklyn, Long Island, Staten Island and Coney Island. Hank has been at the helm of the team for less than a year, but already dude has proven that he is an utter and total moron. He’s loud, he’s unintelligent, he’s crass, he’s classless, he’s a thick-headed bore and he clearly is missing that part of the brain which filters out the truly idiotic things many people think but manage not to say. He rips opposing players, he rips his own team, he gives his opinions loudly and regularly on subjects he is completely unqualified to even have an opinion on and he needs to shut up. Hank’s latest rant came after the Yankees’ top starting pitcher, Chien Mien Wang, injured ligaments in his foot running the bases in an interleague game in Houston on Sunday. Wang is apparently going to be out until September, leading Hank to fume about how National League rules mandating that pitchers bat are arcane and need to be changed to conform with American League rules which provide for a designated hitter to take the pitcher’s spot in the lineup. “My only message is simple,” Steinbrenner said in Tampa, Fla. “The National League needs to join the 21st century. They need to grow up and join the 21st century.” Steinbrenner said he was angry and added: “I’ve got my pitchers running the bases, and one of them gets hurt. He’s going to be out. I don’t like that, and it’s about time they address it. That was a rule from the 1800s.” Good take, Hank. Any time you don’t like something a break goes against your team, just advocate changing the rules so your beloved Yankees don’t get hurt. If an opposing player slides into second bases, clips Derek Jeter with his spikes and knocks DJ out for three weeks with a hand injury, just ban sliding and wearing spikes. If the other team brings up a pinch hitter who gets a game-winning hit against you, change the rules to ban pinch hitters. Or, and this is a radical thought for you Hank, shut your freaking cake hole, stop crying like a little b*tch and accept that in sports, bad things happen. Players get injured, balls don’t bounce your way and sometimes, your freaking team loses and there is nothingyou can do about it. You can’t go changing rules just so your team gets its way, you clown. If your pitcher isn't athletic enough to run the bases in a non-pressure situation and not get hurt, then get a new freaking pitcher or don’t pitch the guy in games where he might have to run the bases. Now shut your mouth, make yourself comfortable in third place behind Boston and Tampa Bay and hope that by the time Wang returns, you’re not looking up at Toronto and Baltimore as well, you ignorant slug.
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