- Now we know why University of Florida student Andrew Meyer was so adamant about not Tasing him, bro, at a John Kerry speech on the UF campus last year. Taser blasts can result in death, it seems. An unidentified New Brighton, Minn. Man is dead after police hit him with a Taser when he was “uncooperative” following a traffic accident early last week. A patrol spokesman declined to say what sort of behavior was involved in the incident that led to the Taser shot, but five Minnesota state troopers were placed on leave immediately following the man’s death. Also, the State Bureau of Criminal Apprehension is leading an investigation into the incident, which is probably common procedure when a person dies at the hands of the police, but even so, I really will be interested to hear what this guy did that was so over the line as to warrant a Taser blast. Even if he was drunk and disorderly, if there were five state troopers at the scene and he wasn’t armed, you’re telling me that a Taser isn’t excessive force? Was this guy going Incredible Hulk or something, that you needed a Taser tuned for that high a jolt to get him under control? Something tells me we haven’t heard the end of this one….
- You knew it was inevitable, what with the divorce rate for superheroes in this country skyrocketing in recent years, but still, news that Spiderman is single hits hard. After more than 20 years of marriage, albeit fictional, comic-book marriage, Peter Parker, a.k.a. Spiderman, has split with wife Mary Jane, as revealed by Spider-Man comic book No. 545, the comic’s most recent issue. It was just time for a change, says Joe Quesada, editor-in-chief at Marvel Comics. He reasons that the split will allow Spidey to shake things up, to experience new adventures and dilemmas. “When we first did it, the reaction was, ‘How could you do that? This is a terrible thing to do,’” Quesada said of the reaction from fans. “But when the first issue of Brand New Day (this week’s comic in which the divorce happens) our letters very quickly changed to people saying, ‘This is fantastic.’” He also didn’t rule out the possibility of Parker wooing back Mary Jane, but I’m sure many of you comic book dorks out there must be heartbroken right now, so I’ll leave you to your weeping and pondering.
- Great job, WLUK-TV in Green Bay. Really, you’re sooooo clever, deciding not to air your daily Seinfeld rerun in its usual time slot on Friday because it’s New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning’s favorite show. Ahhhhhhh…..hilarious. You’re really funny and I’m sure you’ll really rattle Eli by not showing Seinfeld in your town on that night. Great job, losers. Because I’m sure the first thing he does on evenings leading up to the biggest game in his life is to scan the local TV listings and find out what time that hsow is on. It’s not like dude could possibly have every episode of the show on DVD and have a portable DVD player or laptop to watch an episode on, either. This is just another example of what radio and TV stations end up with when they try to be clever or do creative, cutesy promotions. They end up looking like asses and doing the stupidest stuff you could possibly imagine times ten. I sincerely hope your team loses just for that, WLUK-TV. You’re idiots for doing this and the bad karma ought to be enough to hang a loss on your beloved Green Bay Packers.
- college basketball season is kicking it into gear, which means insomnia for me. I don’t write as much about college basketball as I do college football even though I enjoy hoops more, mostly because college football tends to be concentrated in one day per week during the regular season (mostly on Saturday), while college basketball spans nearly every night of the week. Still, Big Mondays are a blast, mostly because college hoops junkies like myself who lives on the East Coast can stay up for the West Coast Conference or Mountain West Conference game that always ends Big Monday with a midnight EST tip and a conclusion some time around 2 a.m. This week’s Big Monday game features the University of San Francisco at Gonzaga, with Gonzaga being a perennial favorite team for ESPN on Big Mondays. There are definitely a few teams starting to establish themselves as dominant even this early in the season. Kansas and Memphis are still unbeaten, although in my mind, Memphis still not a top team until it proves otherwise in March. They play in Conference USA, which remains a step below the ACC, SEC, Big Ten and Pac 10 in the college basketball world. North Carolina is also one of the best despite suffering their first loss of the season, 82-80 at home to Maryland on Saturday, and UNC will be well-refined by their tough ACC schedule. The Pac 10 has two of the best in Washington State and UCLA, even though UCLA lost a stunning 72-63 decision to intra-city rival USC Saturday in a match-up of super-frosh sensations Kevin Love of UCLA and O.J. Mayo of USC. Speaking of Mayo, I’m already tired of this guy’s act. He’s a gunner who bounced from school to school in high school with some shady characters guiding his career and looking to gravy train off his rising star. He’s a guy who is overrated as a player until he improves his shooting and learns how to make his team better, because right now he’s the proverbial star who’s out to get his first and foremost. All in all, it’s hard to make too much sense of the season at this point, although Kansas State, Indiana and Clemson seem to be shaping up as legit darkhorse teams that could push the previously mentioned top squads. Now is when the season really gets interesting, with conference play just underway, so lock in for a great ride.
- Well, you did what you set out to do, Dave Seanor, people are really talking about Golfweek magazine now. Of course, the reason they’re talking is because you, a complete idiot and moron, have been fired as vice president and editor of the publication after inexplicably choosing to put a picture of a noose on the cover of your most recent issue as part of your coverage of Golf Channel analyst Kelly Tilghman’s comments about other PGA golfers ganging up to “lynch” Tiger Woods as a means of slowing down his dominant run. Seanor has been replaced by Jeff Babineau after the Jan. 19 issue, with a picture of a noose on the cover, drew widespread outrage from readers and activists. Good idea, loser. Yes, it’s an issue that a golf magazine should address, but choosing a noose was just a bad idea. You were trying to be controversial and generate interest so you could sell magazines, but it backfired. What exactly did you accomplish with a noose that you couldn’t have accomplished with something a lot less lowlife? Oh, that’s right. What you accomplished was getting yourself fired, although I doubt that was your goal….
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Saturday, January 19, 2008
The WGA does some studying, the Pussycat Skanks return to TV and it's Feds 2, Athletes 0
- I see your ongoing riots, protest marches, signs, banners and burning cars and I love it, Kenya. Kenyan opposition groups continue to insist that the country's recent presidential election was rigged and they are not sitting idly by. No, they are taking to the streets with bad intentions, burning, rioting, looting and clashing with police in spectacular fashion. The riots continued throughout the week, especially in Nairobi, where police fired tear gas and rubber bullets at protesters, killing two of them on Wednesday as they continued to demand the resignation of the country's president. Opposition leader Raila Odinga had called for three days of violence after violence that killed more than 600 opposition members last week. Police declared protests illegal on Wednesday, but that's the beauty of protests; they fly in the face of authority, so declaring them illegal doesn't shut them down, it just fuels the fire of the protesters. Some of the images show burning cars and protesters with massive signs and banners, marching in defiance of the police. "We will go the extra mile for democracy," said Philomen Bett, a rioting teacher in the western city of Eldoret. Well said, P., well said. Go that extra mile and go that mile waving a banner, chanting anti-government slogans and burning and overturning cars along the way. - Conservationists aren't happy with W., but how surprised can you really be by that? The latest spat between environmental activists and the president who has done more to destroy our environment than any president before him revolves around W.'s decision to exempt the Navy from an environmental law so it can continue to use high-power sonar in its training exercises off the coast of Southern California. The activists say the practice harms whales and other marine creatures, but does anyone really expect that ass hat W. to worry about that? He refuses to admit that global warming exists, he does everything possible to put the interests of industry ahead of the environment and he does it with a disdainful disregard for the environment not seen much this side of the Exxon Valdez. The 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco is set to make a decision soon on the overall fate of these Navy training exercises, but whatever they decide, you can count on W. to ignore it and do what he wants, to toe continued detriment of the environment. - Let this be a lesson to all you athletes out there: you can’t outsmart the feds. You’ve tried and it isn’t working. A few weeks ago, Marion Jones ended up getting sentenced to six months in jail for lying to federal agents investigating the Bay-Area Lab Co-Operative, a lab that supplied and engineered steroids for elite athletes looking to beat the system and get over by cheating. Jones lied and lied, but in the end she ended up pleading for mercy before a federal judge, who showed no compassion in hitting her with the maximum sentence allowable for her crime. Now comes news that former NFL-er Dana Stubblefield has admitted to lying to the feds about his own drug and steroid usage and will be sentenced next week. Stubblefield, 37, is now retired from football, but back in 2004 he spoke to federal agents in the BALCO probe and was less than truthful. Actually, he got an early jump on his lying by fibbing to investigators before meeting with the feds, so he really covered his bases. According to the charges against him, Stubblefield told agents that he had never seen or ingested the drug THG, a designer steroid known as “the clear,” even though it turns out he was suspended from the NFL in 2003 while playing for the Oakland Raiders because he used…..the clear. Damn, that’s unfortunate. He also lied when he told the feds he had never used the blood-booster EPO, designed to help blood increase its oxygen-carrying capacity, even though he has also tested positive in the past for….you guessed it, EPO. The NFL didn’t pop him for the EPO because that wasn’t part of NFL policy back then, but the feds asked him about it and my man D. Stubblefield should have told them the truth. Now, he faces up to five years in prison, although under the sentencing guidelines for his case, he is likely to receive six months or less of jail time. Memo to all you athletes out there whom the feds have questioned or will question about ‘roids: tell the truth. Fess up, come clean because if you don’t, you’re going down. The scoreboard currently reads Feds 2, Athletes 0. You may think you’re different, but you’re not. You may think you’re the one clever cat who can get over on the feds, but you’re wrong. Just be honest with them and they might show you a little mercy. Lie to them and you too could be headed to the pokey. - Thanks for nothing, Writers Guild of America. Now comes word that the WGA plans to begin informal talks with studio execs, possibly even by Monday, as part of their work to restart negotiations with the American Motion Picture and Television Producers. Of course, this news does little good for this current season, which the WGA and AMPTP, two acronyms I’ve come to despise, have trashed any chances that all our favorite shows will have a full season or even finish what they’ve started. An anonymous guild source has revealed that the widespread discontent that's developed since talks broke off Dec. 7 may be seeing a bit of reason for optimism. The news of the talks follows a deal made yesterday between the Directors Guild of America and the AMPTP, which, the source said, the WGA plans to "study. We're going to follow the same pattern as the DGA," the source was quoted as saying, "first meeting with the studio executives informally and then maybe following that up with actual negotiations." Actual negotiations? Ya think? Maybe that would work? Wow, you guys sure are smart. Wish you’d been smart enough to think of this a couple of months ago, but hey, maybe that’s just me being greedy. If you’re looking for a silver lining here, you could find it in the fact that if this strike ends soon, perhaps next season won’t be decimated in the same fashion as the current one has been. Then again, with ass hats like the WGA and AMPTP, there are no sure things….
- One more TV note….why is it that the Pussycat Skanks can’t just find a group full of wannabe strippers with marginal singing ability and the willingness to dress like whores and stick with it? Why does the group have to come back every single TV season with a new show on the CW to select a new skank to add to their group? The PCS will return to the CW February 18 with Skanka-licious, er, Girlicious, the latest version of their reality slut auditions, to give 15 girls a shot at what the show’s promos call fame but I’ll call what it really is – the chance to make the most abominable music this side of Britney Spears, the Black Eyed Peas and American Karaoke, which is really saying something. I know the networks are desperate for programming because of the aforementioned strike, but that’s no excuse for the CW. Clearly they’ve put this crappy excuse for a show on the air when they still had working writers. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again – if your musical group has ever, EVER selected a member or launched a career via a reality TV show, you suck. No questions ask, you just suck. Go away, Pussycat Skanks, you’ve brought nothing of value to the musical or television mediums, so just get lost.
- One more TV note….why is it that the Pussycat Skanks can’t just find a group full of wannabe strippers with marginal singing ability and the willingness to dress like whores and stick with it? Why does the group have to come back every single TV season with a new show on the CW to select a new skank to add to their group? The PCS will return to the CW February 18 with Skanka-licious, er, Girlicious, the latest version of their reality slut auditions, to give 15 girls a shot at what the show’s promos call fame but I’ll call what it really is – the chance to make the most abominable music this side of Britney Spears, the Black Eyed Peas and American Karaoke, which is really saying something. I know the networks are desperate for programming because of the aforementioned strike, but that’s no excuse for the CW. Clearly they’ve put this crappy excuse for a show on the air when they still had working writers. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again – if your musical group has ever, EVER selected a member or launched a career via a reality TV show, you suck. No questions ask, you just suck. Go away, Pussycat Skanks, you’ve brought nothing of value to the musical or television mediums, so just get lost.
Friday, January 18, 2008
America is still not smart, Pakistan riots and JamesOn Curry takes a leak in a bad place
- Unlike every other player in the NBA's developmental league, the NBDL, JamesOn Curry doesn't seem like he's that focused on getting out of the D-League and back to the NBA. How do I know that? Well, if dude were really set on getting back to the big leagues, he wouldn't be getting arrested and charged with public urination and resisting arrest in Boise, Idaho. Curry was in Boise for the D-League showcase, an event designed to show off the league's top talents and boost interest in its teams and players. Instead, Curry ended up stealing the show by showing off a total lack of common decency and intelligence, getting picked up by the cops for urinating in an alley behind the Hampton Inn where he was staying. Taking a leak in public is bad enough; after all, doesn't your hotel room have a toilet, bro? Use it. But if you're going to go bonehead and urinate in public and the cops happen to catch you in the act, what you don't want to do is try to run. You're on foot, they're in a car. They have radios, you clearly have a partially deficient brain to guide you. You're not winning that battle, JamesOn. Curry was a second-round draft pick of the Chicago Bulls in the 2007 NBA Draft, but is currently playing with the NBDL's Iowa Energy. This isn't going to provide much incentive for the Bulls to call him up to their roster now, is it? JamesOn, you're a professional athlete, so start acting like one and stop acting like a hobo living on the street. Find a toilet and make use of it, otherwise you're going to literally piss away your chance to play in the NBA.
- Now I'm torn. I'm still pissed at the Writers Guild of America and the American Motion Picture and Theater Producers for the respective roles in the ongoing strike that has now officially killed this TV season. However, the news that the Grammy Awards show may be in danger of cancellation if the WGA doesn't relent and reach a temporary agreement with the Grammys to allow striking writers to work on the shoe puts me in a difficult position. I can't really support the writers now, not when they've dealt a death blow to this season for all of my favorite shows. Still, I loathe self-congratulatory, self-important, self-aggrandiizing awards shows in the entertainment industry, especially the Grammys. As a music lover, I can't stand seeing the same hack, mainstream artists get the same awards year after year while music's truly great acts get little or no recognition. I don't need to see a Grammy performance by Fergie or Kelly Clarkson any more than I need to suffer second-degree burns over two-thirds of my body and have my right arm chopped off. So where to come down on this issue? Thankfully it looks like it won't be a tough call, as WGA spokesman Greg Mitchell says that such a temporary deal is "unlikely to be approved." In other words, the Grammys are going to have to go the way of the Golden Globes, i.e. handing out the awards at a special luncheon where next to no one shows up. This strike still sucks and so does everyone involved in it, but at least when it comes to awards shows there are some positive things to come from this whole mess.
- I'm not sure if Major League Baseball has a "lemon" law for players involved in trades, but the Houston Astros might want to look into it because of their big offseason acquisition, shortstop Miguel Tejada. Tejada is now under FBI scrutiny, officials said Thursday after opening a preliminary investigation into whether the former AL MVP lied when he told federal authorities he never took steroids and performance-enhancing drugs. The inquiry, in response to a congressional request, will examine facts around the case but doesn't mean that Tejada will definitely be charged with a crime. "The Justice Department has referred the Miguel Tejada matter to the FBI, and a preliminary inquiry will be conducted," FBI spokesman Richard Kolko said Thursday. Investigators with the FBI's field office in Washington will handle the inquiry, but at this point it's not clear how long the process will take. Stunningly, Miggy T. didn't have anything to say about it, issuing a no-comment response through his lawyer. "I don't have any comment," said Tejada's lawyer, Mark Tuohey, who said he was unaware of the FBI's involvement until contacted by The Associated Press. At the center of this whole mess are comments Tejada made to House committee investigators in August 2005 when he was with the Baltimore Orioles. He denied during the interview that he used illegal performance-enhancing drugs or knew of other players using or talking about steroids. However, he was then among a number of star athletes named in a lengthy report by former Senate Majority Leader George Mitchell, released last month, that looked at drug use in baseball. The Houston Astros, the team that acquired Tejada in a trade during the current off-season, also had no comment on news that the FBI is now investigating Tejada. Drayton McLane, the Astros owner, was attending the baseball owners' meeting in Scottsdale, Ariz., and was not immediately available for comment. Allow me to comment for the Astros and their owner. "Damn, we just traded for a guy who might be going to jail, a 'roider whose production is starting to seriously decline and a guy who is giving our franchise a huge black eye before he plays a single game for us." There, Mr. McLane, glad I could help you. Moving on, this couldn't come at a worse time for Tejada. He was in the Dominican Republic for the funeral of his brother, who died Tuesday in a motorcycle accident there, when he got the news. No jokes about this part of the story, because having that happen, no matter if you're a good guy or not, would be devastating. Thoughts and prayers to the Tejada family. But back to the steroids mess...."It's important we determine whether Mr. Tejada misled an investigative committee of the House of Representatives," said Rep. Tom Davis of Virginia, the top Republican on the House Oversight committee. "It's also important that those who come before the committee understand we are serious when we tell them they must tell the truth or face serious penalties." So the FBI will break down Tejada's interview with congressional aides, held Aug. 26, 2005, at a Baltimore hotel in connection with an inquiry over whether his then-teammate, Rafael Palmeiro, had used steroids. Palmeiro had denied during House testimony in March that year that he had used steroids, then tested positive later in 2005 and was suspended for 10 days. He tried to foist blame off of himself and onto the nearest target by saying the positive result may have resulted from a B-12 vitamin injection given to him by Tejada. The House Oversight and Government Committee this week asked Attorney General Michael Mukasey to investigate Tejada's statements, parts of which were included in a letter to the Justice Department. "Has there been discussion among other players about steroids?" a committee staffer asked, according to the letter. "No, I never heard," Tejada replied. "You never knew of any other player using steroids?" Tejada was asked. "No," he replied. "Have you ever taken a steroid before?" he was asked at another point. "No," he said. Tejada also answered "no" when asked if he had ever taken any illegal performance-enhancing drugs or any other steroid precursor. Oops. Looks like maybe by "no," Miggy meant "No, not unless you can prove it, and even then I might not admit to it." The damning evidence in the Mitchell report includes statements by Adam Piatt, Tejada's former teammate with the Oakland Athletics, who said he gave Tejada steroids and HGH in 2003. Mitchell also included copies of checks allegedly written by Tejada to Piatt in March 2003 for $3,100 and $3,200. Oops again. Those copies of checks will do you in every time, Miguel. That's why you always pay cash for illegal substances, my man. Your local crack dealer doesn't accept checks and you should not be writing them for your 'roids, er, B-12 shots. Making false statements to Congress is a felony, so this clearly could end very badly for Tejada. Houston, you have a problem....your new star player is a lying, Congress-misleading (possible) felon.....
- Nice try, Pakistani government. As the country prepares for next month's national elections, the current regime is urging opposition leaders to refrain from holding any protests because of what the administration claims is an escalating threat of terrorism in Pakistan. A likely story, especially coming from those already in power. Don't rally or protest, there's a major terrorist threat and we don't want to escalate things. Either that or we want to stay in power and keep opposition groups from rallying and generating support, enthusiasm and momentum for their battle to remove us from power. Thankfully, opposition leader Nawaz Sherif quickly rejected this ridiculous idea, accusing the administration of trying to block his party's campaign against President Pervez Musharraf. You can't be surprised that a leader would make such a thinly-veiled, lame attempt to quash opposition in the weeks leading up to an election, but you didn't really think anyone would buy your sorry plan, did you P.? Your people aren't happy with the direction you're taking their country and if they want to rally and protest to show their opposition to you, then it's going to happen whether you like it or not.
- Could it be, America? Are you really getting smarter? I'm going with no, even though I am encouraged that the audience for this week's season premier of TV's biggest abomination, American Karaoke, was the show's smallest in four years. The fact that 4 million fewer people tuned in to see this glorified karaoke contest with a bunch of losers with no musical ability is good, but there are still far too many people out there watching this crap for me to be too encouraged, Last I checked, Clay Flake-en was still a waifish, effeminate loser who sang gawd-awful teenie-bopper pop, that fat dude Ruben was still a musical joke and Kelly Clarkson was still a lip-syncing Christina Aguilera wannabe. Unless those things have changed (and they haven't) and unless the show is no longer run by three attention-hungry judges whose really interest in appearing on the show is furthering their own careers (it isn't), then it's still the worst show on TV and the biggest abortion in the history of music. It is often difficult to say where you would have been in life had a certain event not taken place, but I can say with absolute certainty that if American Karaoke had never come into being, we would all be infinitely better off.
- Now I'm torn. I'm still pissed at the Writers Guild of America and the American Motion Picture and Theater Producers for the respective roles in the ongoing strike that has now officially killed this TV season. However, the news that the Grammy Awards show may be in danger of cancellation if the WGA doesn't relent and reach a temporary agreement with the Grammys to allow striking writers to work on the shoe puts me in a difficult position. I can't really support the writers now, not when they've dealt a death blow to this season for all of my favorite shows. Still, I loathe self-congratulatory, self-important, self-aggrandiizing awards shows in the entertainment industry, especially the Grammys. As a music lover, I can't stand seeing the same hack, mainstream artists get the same awards year after year while music's truly great acts get little or no recognition. I don't need to see a Grammy performance by Fergie or Kelly Clarkson any more than I need to suffer second-degree burns over two-thirds of my body and have my right arm chopped off. So where to come down on this issue? Thankfully it looks like it won't be a tough call, as WGA spokesman Greg Mitchell says that such a temporary deal is "unlikely to be approved." In other words, the Grammys are going to have to go the way of the Golden Globes, i.e. handing out the awards at a special luncheon where next to no one shows up. This strike still sucks and so does everyone involved in it, but at least when it comes to awards shows there are some positive things to come from this whole mess.
- I'm not sure if Major League Baseball has a "lemon" law for players involved in trades, but the Houston Astros might want to look into it because of their big offseason acquisition, shortstop Miguel Tejada. Tejada is now under FBI scrutiny, officials said Thursday after opening a preliminary investigation into whether the former AL MVP lied when he told federal authorities he never took steroids and performance-enhancing drugs. The inquiry, in response to a congressional request, will examine facts around the case but doesn't mean that Tejada will definitely be charged with a crime. "The Justice Department has referred the Miguel Tejada matter to the FBI, and a preliminary inquiry will be conducted," FBI spokesman Richard Kolko said Thursday. Investigators with the FBI's field office in Washington will handle the inquiry, but at this point it's not clear how long the process will take. Stunningly, Miggy T. didn't have anything to say about it, issuing a no-comment response through his lawyer. "I don't have any comment," said Tejada's lawyer, Mark Tuohey, who said he was unaware of the FBI's involvement until contacted by The Associated Press. At the center of this whole mess are comments Tejada made to House committee investigators in August 2005 when he was with the Baltimore Orioles. He denied during the interview that he used illegal performance-enhancing drugs or knew of other players using or talking about steroids. However, he was then among a number of star athletes named in a lengthy report by former Senate Majority Leader George Mitchell, released last month, that looked at drug use in baseball. The Houston Astros, the team that acquired Tejada in a trade during the current off-season, also had no comment on news that the FBI is now investigating Tejada. Drayton McLane, the Astros owner, was attending the baseball owners' meeting in Scottsdale, Ariz., and was not immediately available for comment. Allow me to comment for the Astros and their owner. "Damn, we just traded for a guy who might be going to jail, a 'roider whose production is starting to seriously decline and a guy who is giving our franchise a huge black eye before he plays a single game for us." There, Mr. McLane, glad I could help you. Moving on, this couldn't come at a worse time for Tejada. He was in the Dominican Republic for the funeral of his brother, who died Tuesday in a motorcycle accident there, when he got the news. No jokes about this part of the story, because having that happen, no matter if you're a good guy or not, would be devastating. Thoughts and prayers to the Tejada family. But back to the steroids mess...."It's important we determine whether Mr. Tejada misled an investigative committee of the House of Representatives," said Rep. Tom Davis of Virginia, the top Republican on the House Oversight committee. "It's also important that those who come before the committee understand we are serious when we tell them they must tell the truth or face serious penalties." So the FBI will break down Tejada's interview with congressional aides, held Aug. 26, 2005, at a Baltimore hotel in connection with an inquiry over whether his then-teammate, Rafael Palmeiro, had used steroids. Palmeiro had denied during House testimony in March that year that he had used steroids, then tested positive later in 2005 and was suspended for 10 days. He tried to foist blame off of himself and onto the nearest target by saying the positive result may have resulted from a B-12 vitamin injection given to him by Tejada. The House Oversight and Government Committee this week asked Attorney General Michael Mukasey to investigate Tejada's statements, parts of which were included in a letter to the Justice Department. "Has there been discussion among other players about steroids?" a committee staffer asked, according to the letter. "No, I never heard," Tejada replied. "You never knew of any other player using steroids?" Tejada was asked. "No," he replied. "Have you ever taken a steroid before?" he was asked at another point. "No," he said. Tejada also answered "no" when asked if he had ever taken any illegal performance-enhancing drugs or any other steroid precursor. Oops. Looks like maybe by "no," Miggy meant "No, not unless you can prove it, and even then I might not admit to it." The damning evidence in the Mitchell report includes statements by Adam Piatt, Tejada's former teammate with the Oakland Athletics, who said he gave Tejada steroids and HGH in 2003. Mitchell also included copies of checks allegedly written by Tejada to Piatt in March 2003 for $3,100 and $3,200. Oops again. Those copies of checks will do you in every time, Miguel. That's why you always pay cash for illegal substances, my man. Your local crack dealer doesn't accept checks and you should not be writing them for your 'roids, er, B-12 shots. Making false statements to Congress is a felony, so this clearly could end very badly for Tejada. Houston, you have a problem....your new star player is a lying, Congress-misleading (possible) felon.....
- Nice try, Pakistani government. As the country prepares for next month's national elections, the current regime is urging opposition leaders to refrain from holding any protests because of what the administration claims is an escalating threat of terrorism in Pakistan. A likely story, especially coming from those already in power. Don't rally or protest, there's a major terrorist threat and we don't want to escalate things. Either that or we want to stay in power and keep opposition groups from rallying and generating support, enthusiasm and momentum for their battle to remove us from power. Thankfully, opposition leader Nawaz Sherif quickly rejected this ridiculous idea, accusing the administration of trying to block his party's campaign against President Pervez Musharraf. You can't be surprised that a leader would make such a thinly-veiled, lame attempt to quash opposition in the weeks leading up to an election, but you didn't really think anyone would buy your sorry plan, did you P.? Your people aren't happy with the direction you're taking their country and if they want to rally and protest to show their opposition to you, then it's going to happen whether you like it or not.
- Could it be, America? Are you really getting smarter? I'm going with no, even though I am encouraged that the audience for this week's season premier of TV's biggest abomination, American Karaoke, was the show's smallest in four years. The fact that 4 million fewer people tuned in to see this glorified karaoke contest with a bunch of losers with no musical ability is good, but there are still far too many people out there watching this crap for me to be too encouraged, Last I checked, Clay Flake-en was still a waifish, effeminate loser who sang gawd-awful teenie-bopper pop, that fat dude Ruben was still a musical joke and Kelly Clarkson was still a lip-syncing Christina Aguilera wannabe. Unless those things have changed (and they haven't) and unless the show is no longer run by three attention-hungry judges whose really interest in appearing on the show is furthering their own careers (it isn't), then it's still the worst show on TV and the biggest abortion in the history of music. It is often difficult to say where you would have been in life had a certain event not taken place, but I can say with absolute certainty that if American Karaoke had never come into being, we would all be infinitely better off.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Crazy packer fans, a good government official and trouble for Randy Moss
- When in doubt, blame it on the police, eh Kenya? In the country-wide riots that followed the country's recent elections, the results of which were sketchy and suspicious at best, hundreds of civilians were killed in riots and clashes with the police. Now, opposition groups are throwing the blame squarely on the police. The accusations center on the fact that police opened fire on looters and protesters under an unofficial "shoot to kill" policy. Those claims are being seconded by a human-rights group working in Kenya. Human Rights Watch called on the Kenyan government to lift its ban on demonstrations and also to stop firing at protesters. I second those ideas, because the right to riot, protest and demonstrate is a vital right to any country, anywhere in the world. That shoot-to-kill policy was verified by several unidentified police officers, and it sounds like exactly the kind of move an oppressive, overzealous government would make when its authority is questioned. Even if no one puts it in writing and it's unspoken, that doesn't make it ok, Kenyan government. Stop shooting your citizens and stop depriving them of their right to riot. They're going to do it anyhow, so just let them.
- Now here's a dedicated San Diego Chargers fan. What says fan of a team more than waiting until the week of the AFC championship game to spring assault charges on New England Patriots wide receiver Randy Moss. The Chargers play the Pats in Foxboro this Sunday, but before he can play that game, Moss had to face allegations that he committed battery against a woman are false and that she made the claim to get money from him. "I want to make something clear," the New England Patriots wide receiver said while standing at his locker. "In my whole entire life of living 30 years, I've never put my hand on one woman, physically or in an angry manner." The woman, identified in court records as Rachelle Washington, 35, of Fort Lauderdale, filed for and was granted a restraining order against Moss, claiming he committed battery against her. The temporary injunction, issued in Broward County (Fla.) court, bars Moss from coming within 500 feet of the woman and from using or possessing firearms. No criminal charges have been filed against Moss at this point, but a hearing has been scheduled for Jan. 28, which is the Monday before the Super Bowl, which the Pats hopefully will not be playing in. Moss didn't specifically comment on the alleged incident, saying he was restricted by the legal case. He said the Washington had been a personal friend of 11 years and that she asked for "six figures" for what Moss said was an accident in which she was hurt. He did not provide details about the accident. Well, nothing says "longtime personal friend" like trying to squeeze six-figures from an alleged friend for something that friend claims was an accident. "They're false allegations, something I've been battling for like the last couple of days of threats going public if I didn't pay X amount of dollars," Moss said. "So before people rush quick to judgment I think you need to find out the facts about, really, what's going on." Fair enough, Randy. I'm not going to convict him at this point, but clearly something happened here, accidental or not. Moss was having a great season up to this point, having set an NFL record with 23 touchdown catches. He had also been able to avoid the type off-field problems this season that have plagued him in the past and has been praised by other Patriots players as an excellent teammate and leader. At his previous NFL stops, Minnesota and Oakland, he was involved in several incidents. With Minnesota, he was criticized by quarterback Daunte Culpepper and others for leaving the field with 2 seconds left in a regular-season loss to Washington. He bumped a traffic control officer with his car in 2002, verbally abused corporate sponsors on a team bus in 2001 and squirted an official with a water bottle in 1999. Regarding this latest incident, Moss was adamant that he's done nothign wrong. "It's very unfair to athletes if a person makes a false claim. You know, there's nothing that we can do," Moss said. "The only thing that we can do is either pay up or sit back and listen to what's being said or what's being written. For someone to make a false claim about me, I'm kind of furious," he said. "It kind of hurts me deep inside for someone to do something like that because, you know, I've always said time and time again, I'm going to stand up for what's right. If I'm right, I'm right. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong." It'll be interesting to see how this plays out, but for now, Moss looks like he's being stabbed in the back by a person he considered a friend who is now looking to take advantage of his wealth and status for a big payday.
- Nice of you to finally address the problem, MySpace. The popular social networking site has long been a haven for sexual predators, to the point that it's become the butt of jokes from many directions, including right here. But now, MySpace has decided to take action against sexual predators on its site, mostly because of intense pressure from parents, activists and law enforcement, the operators of the site will create a task force of industry professionals to keep watch over their site's operations. However, there were few specifics given out as to what this task force will do and how they will root out the many pedophiles and freaks currently roaming MySpace. Age verification software is notoriously difficult to implement and child molesters and pedophiles tend to be kind of determined sorts, so you're going to have to do more than ask kids what their birthday is to keep abuse from happening. Chris Hansen can't do it all with his To Catch a Predator shows, so MySpace needs to start figuring out some details here. Maybe run everyone on the site through a sexual offender database or ask questions like, "Are you using this site to pick up on 12-year-old boys and girls?" and checking the profiles of users for perverted content. Whatever you do, do it soon because there are far too many freaks out there and not enough is being done to stop them.
- There has always been a thin line between fandom and child abuse. Walking that thin line is a huge challenge, because how do you determine whether you're just being an overzealous fan or committing a violent act of child abuse that could send you to jail? Mathew Kowald, a particualrly, um, enthusiastic Green Bay Packers fan, had some trouble walking that line recently when looking to celebrate his team's big playoff win over the Seattle Seahawks.Fueled by a beer or eight, as are most Packer fans, Kowald was in a mood to celebrate and wanted his 7-year-old son to join in one the party. He ordered his son to slam on his Packers gear, specifically a Packers sweatshirt. For some reason, the kid wasn't down and refused to put the shirt on. No surprise, right? Kids disagree with parents all the time, often about soemthing mom or dad wants them to wear that they don't like. It usually plays out with a compromise or maybe even with the parent pulling the "because I said so" card. However, this is the first time it's ended with a father duct taping his son. Yes, you read that right, dear old dad broke out the duct tape, bound his son and taped the sweatshirt to his body. Great call, pops. If your kid won't represent for your favorite team, he needs to be bound up and restrained. But why not go the extra mile, shove a gag in his mouth and tie him to a chair with some rope, then force him to watch Packers highlights for 24 hours straight until he learns to love the team like you do? Junior had it coming, clearly. Either that or dad is a raging lunatic who needs to get a grip on reality, one of the other. I can't believe I even need to say this, but to all you parents out there, restraining your kid with duct tape is NOT, I repeat NOT a viable parenting option.
- Government officials, judges and politicians don't always do the job they're elected or hired to do. They get in office and they forget about promises they made and the job description they agreed to. Not the Los Angeles court commissioner handling Britney Spears' custody case with K-Dirt Federline, though. This guy's job is to make determinations as to what is in the best interest of those who come into his court room, especially the children, and this guy clearly takes his job seriously. How do I know that? Because for a second consecutive time, he's made the absolute right call by upholding a suspension of Brit's visitation rights with her two young sons, Sean Preston and Jayden James. Her regular benders, bizarre aversion to wearing underwear in public and standoff with police last month when she refused to give up her kids at the end of a court-supervised visit are evidence that she's not fit to raise kids, and at a hearing this week, her visitation rights, which have been under suspension, remained that way.Another hearing was set for Feb. 19, but in between not and then Brit will be allowed to have zero contact with her kids. It's sad, but the fact is that this is the absolute right call. No mom who asks her 2-year-old to fetch her cigarettes for her and attacks paparazzi's cars with umbrellas is a good mother, period. She's not sane, she's not a functional person and the fact that her knocked-up 16-year-old sister is the responsible, mature kid in the family is all you need to know about the Spears clan. Thanks for nothing, y'all.
- Now here's a dedicated San Diego Chargers fan. What says fan of a team more than waiting until the week of the AFC championship game to spring assault charges on New England Patriots wide receiver Randy Moss. The Chargers play the Pats in Foxboro this Sunday, but before he can play that game, Moss had to face allegations that he committed battery against a woman are false and that she made the claim to get money from him. "I want to make something clear," the New England Patriots wide receiver said while standing at his locker. "In my whole entire life of living 30 years, I've never put my hand on one woman, physically or in an angry manner." The woman, identified in court records as Rachelle Washington, 35, of Fort Lauderdale, filed for and was granted a restraining order against Moss, claiming he committed battery against her. The temporary injunction, issued in Broward County (Fla.) court, bars Moss from coming within 500 feet of the woman and from using or possessing firearms. No criminal charges have been filed against Moss at this point, but a hearing has been scheduled for Jan. 28, which is the Monday before the Super Bowl, which the Pats hopefully will not be playing in. Moss didn't specifically comment on the alleged incident, saying he was restricted by the legal case. He said the Washington had been a personal friend of 11 years and that she asked for "six figures" for what Moss said was an accident in which she was hurt. He did not provide details about the accident. Well, nothing says "longtime personal friend" like trying to squeeze six-figures from an alleged friend for something that friend claims was an accident. "They're false allegations, something I've been battling for like the last couple of days of threats going public if I didn't pay X amount of dollars," Moss said. "So before people rush quick to judgment I think you need to find out the facts about, really, what's going on." Fair enough, Randy. I'm not going to convict him at this point, but clearly something happened here, accidental or not. Moss was having a great season up to this point, having set an NFL record with 23 touchdown catches. He had also been able to avoid the type off-field problems this season that have plagued him in the past and has been praised by other Patriots players as an excellent teammate and leader. At his previous NFL stops, Minnesota and Oakland, he was involved in several incidents. With Minnesota, he was criticized by quarterback Daunte Culpepper and others for leaving the field with 2 seconds left in a regular-season loss to Washington. He bumped a traffic control officer with his car in 2002, verbally abused corporate sponsors on a team bus in 2001 and squirted an official with a water bottle in 1999. Regarding this latest incident, Moss was adamant that he's done nothign wrong. "It's very unfair to athletes if a person makes a false claim. You know, there's nothing that we can do," Moss said. "The only thing that we can do is either pay up or sit back and listen to what's being said or what's being written. For someone to make a false claim about me, I'm kind of furious," he said. "It kind of hurts me deep inside for someone to do something like that because, you know, I've always said time and time again, I'm going to stand up for what's right. If I'm right, I'm right. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong." It'll be interesting to see how this plays out, but for now, Moss looks like he's being stabbed in the back by a person he considered a friend who is now looking to take advantage of his wealth and status for a big payday.
- Nice of you to finally address the problem, MySpace. The popular social networking site has long been a haven for sexual predators, to the point that it's become the butt of jokes from many directions, including right here. But now, MySpace has decided to take action against sexual predators on its site, mostly because of intense pressure from parents, activists and law enforcement, the operators of the site will create a task force of industry professionals to keep watch over their site's operations. However, there were few specifics given out as to what this task force will do and how they will root out the many pedophiles and freaks currently roaming MySpace. Age verification software is notoriously difficult to implement and child molesters and pedophiles tend to be kind of determined sorts, so you're going to have to do more than ask kids what their birthday is to keep abuse from happening. Chris Hansen can't do it all with his To Catch a Predator shows, so MySpace needs to start figuring out some details here. Maybe run everyone on the site through a sexual offender database or ask questions like, "Are you using this site to pick up on 12-year-old boys and girls?" and checking the profiles of users for perverted content. Whatever you do, do it soon because there are far too many freaks out there and not enough is being done to stop them.
- There has always been a thin line between fandom and child abuse. Walking that thin line is a huge challenge, because how do you determine whether you're just being an overzealous fan or committing a violent act of child abuse that could send you to jail? Mathew Kowald, a particualrly, um, enthusiastic Green Bay Packers fan, had some trouble walking that line recently when looking to celebrate his team's big playoff win over the Seattle Seahawks.Fueled by a beer or eight, as are most Packer fans, Kowald was in a mood to celebrate and wanted his 7-year-old son to join in one the party. He ordered his son to slam on his Packers gear, specifically a Packers sweatshirt. For some reason, the kid wasn't down and refused to put the shirt on. No surprise, right? Kids disagree with parents all the time, often about soemthing mom or dad wants them to wear that they don't like. It usually plays out with a compromise or maybe even with the parent pulling the "because I said so" card. However, this is the first time it's ended with a father duct taping his son. Yes, you read that right, dear old dad broke out the duct tape, bound his son and taped the sweatshirt to his body. Great call, pops. If your kid won't represent for your favorite team, he needs to be bound up and restrained. But why not go the extra mile, shove a gag in his mouth and tie him to a chair with some rope, then force him to watch Packers highlights for 24 hours straight until he learns to love the team like you do? Junior had it coming, clearly. Either that or dad is a raging lunatic who needs to get a grip on reality, one of the other. I can't believe I even need to say this, but to all you parents out there, restraining your kid with duct tape is NOT, I repeat NOT a viable parenting option.
- Government officials, judges and politicians don't always do the job they're elected or hired to do. They get in office and they forget about promises they made and the job description they agreed to. Not the Los Angeles court commissioner handling Britney Spears' custody case with K-Dirt Federline, though. This guy's job is to make determinations as to what is in the best interest of those who come into his court room, especially the children, and this guy clearly takes his job seriously. How do I know that? Because for a second consecutive time, he's made the absolute right call by upholding a suspension of Brit's visitation rights with her two young sons, Sean Preston and Jayden James. Her regular benders, bizarre aversion to wearing underwear in public and standoff with police last month when she refused to give up her kids at the end of a court-supervised visit are evidence that she's not fit to raise kids, and at a hearing this week, her visitation rights, which have been under suspension, remained that way.Another hearing was set for Feb. 19, but in between not and then Brit will be allowed to have zero contact with her kids. It's sad, but the fact is that this is the absolute right call. No mom who asks her 2-year-old to fetch her cigarettes for her and attacks paparazzi's cars with umbrellas is a good mother, period. She's not sane, she's not a functional person and the fact that her knocked-up 16-year-old sister is the responsible, mature kid in the family is all you need to know about the Spears clan. Thanks for nothing, y'all.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
I excoriate writers and producers, I assail corrupt governments and I rant about Pacman Jones
- Just when you think that the furor surrounding Rich-er Fraud-riguez's departure from the University of West Virginia has finally died down, something happens to revive the inferno. First it was Fraud-riguez leaving just one year after flirting with the University of Alabama about taking their vacant head football coaching position before returnign to WVU and professing his love for the school (even signing a contract extension). But after Fraud-riguez left for the Univeristy of Michigan, the uproar started about his trying to weasel otu of paying the $4 million buyout from his contract at West Virginia in order to go to Michigan. The school filed suit and the case is now headed to court, but that's not the end of this mess, oh no. Apparently Fraud-riguez is also a big fan of the boys at Enron, becuase just as those guys did when trying to cover up their shady business practices, Fraud-riguez now stands accused of destroying or stealing all records associated with the school's football program, a topic the agent for former coach Rich Rodriguez says will be addressed in court documents when the time is right. News came out Tuesday that files kept in Rodriguez's private office disappeared between Dec. 16 and Jan. 3, along with strength and conditioning records from the weight room. The reports claimed the missing documents included players' personal contact information, scholarship payments and class attendance records, as well as strength and conditioning records and photographs that tracked players' physical progress. Fraud-riguez's team of lackeys and spin doctors are trying to talk him out of this mess once again, saying that the copies their man stole, er, destroyed, er, just happened to go missing weren't the only copies and that other coaches had copies as well. Correct me if I'm wrong here, Fraud-riguez apologists, but I don't remember ever hearing another coach shredding, burning or otherwise destroying all of the player records upon leaving a school. It sounds suspicious, vindictive, shady, take your pick. All I know is that nothing about Fraud-riguez's departure from WVU has been handled the right way and he's made himself look like a ginormous, classless ass all along the way, Worst wishes to you at Michigan, Rich-er, because the bad karma wave is building momentum right behind you.
- Hope you are enjoying the new episodes of One Tree Hill, because it looks like very shortly it will be the only series airing new episodes, but more on that in a minute. Last night's episode of OTH found all of the gang now entrenched back in Tree Hill, beginning the uphill climb to reaching their life's dreams. For Lucas Scott, that meant dealing with a pathetic excuse for a Tree Hill varsity basketball team that he's supposed to coach back to prosperity and dealing with an insecure girlfriend at the same time, all while trying to start writing his second novel. Forcing his team to run for the entire practice each day if they couldn't make their free throws solved the first problem, but the last two wouldn't go away so easily. With editor/girlfriend Lindsey, or as she's been labeled on the show, "Lucas's Lindsey," worried that the arrival of hot ex-girlfriends Peyton and Brooke in town might tempt Lucas to go back with one of them, the claws came out. Peyton continued to insist she's not after Lucas but felt like Lindsey was sending a message that she needed to back off. Lucas found a good diversion by finally starting to write his next book, but something tells me this drama will rear its head throughout the season. Peyton had her own challenges anyhow, trying to get her new record label up and running. For some reason, the first band she tried to sign was fronted by a character played by Kevin Federline and we're supposed to believe that he's a legit musician on TV even though he's a total hack in real life...but for now, let's try to move past that. Peyton makes her pitch and initially gets shot down, but of course this is TV, so she makes a plucky, inspired rebuttal speech the next day and the band relents and agrees to sign with her. She still isn't happy about the "lucky bamboo" plant Lindsey gave her that came with an unspoken warning about staying away from Lucas, but signing her first band made her day. Brooke's day was made and then came crashing down, as she opened a store for her Clothes Over Bros fashion line in Tree Hill and bought a waterfront house, but constant nagging from her business manager turned into a nightmare when that business manager came to Tree Hill to demand that Brooke return to New York. It was then we learned that this uber-bitch is actually Brooke's mom....yikes. Elsewhere on the show, Marvin "Mouth" McFadden continued to be run ragged by his boss at the local TV station and turned to Antwan "Skills" Taylor for advice. Skills advised him to do what he himself did with a female professor who dogged him during his last semester of college; kiss her, because she's only dogging you because she's hot for you and needs a way to deal with the sexual tension. When Mouth puts that advice to use in a tense moment, initially it gets him a "You're fired!" but as he prepares to leave the office later on, his cougar of a boss returns his lip lock and they get busy right there in her office.....only on TV. Nathan has a hot newcomer of his own to deal with, a nanny who just happens to have a great body and remember his now-dead basketball stardom. She agrees to drive him on an errand - to go see his father, Dan, at the prison where he's serving his life sentence. Dan is glad to see him, but Nathan is there for a one-time visit to put Dan behind him. As he leaves, Nathan vows to never let his son play basketball because the game ruined his own life. Dan warns him otherwise, but it takes the new nanny showing him a mini-shrine that son Jamie has built in his closet to Nathan to convince him to allow Jamie to play ball. The new nanny also talks Nathan into shaving that ugly-ass beard, which was a good idea. Nathan's wife Hayley needs all the help she can get because her new job teaching English at Tree Hill HS is still kicking her butt. She can't get through to Quentin, the trouble-making student and basketball star who hasn't come to class since he got kicked off the basketball team. Let's hope this predictable, sappy storyline doesn't play out the way I think it will, because writing that predictable and obvious doesn't deserve air time on any network. Oh, and Karen, Lucas' mom, is still traveling Europe with her young daughter, born at the end of last season, but sooner or later that vacation has to end one way or another, right? If Moira Kelly has left the show, quit the pretense already. Anyhow, that's all the Tree Hill news for this week, back next week for another go-round....
- Pacman Jones is the dumbest guy who ever lived, the biggest piece of crap I've ever seen and he's also freaking crazy. I already knew those things before this week, given Jones' body of work. He's been part of multiple strip club melees, he's assaulted women while in college, he's been arrested or wanted for questioning by the police literally a dozen times and he's currently serving a one-year suspension from the NFL for the fallout from a strip club brawl in Las Vegas that left one bouncer permanently paralyzed from the waist down. During his time off, Jones has run afoul of the league and his team, the Tennessee Titans, by venturing into the world of pro wrestling and forcing the Titans to seek a court injunction to keep him from engaging in any physical contact while involved with wrasslin'. Also, on the eve of a visit with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell to discuss his suspension, Jones decided that of the thousands of places to eat in New York City, he would go to....yup, a strip club. However, his latest incident proves beyond ten thousand degrees of reasonable doubt that Jones is 1) a moron, 2) a huge moron, 3) a ginormous moron, 4) crazy and 5) a misogynist. Yesterday, we learned that a woman has accused Jones, who was suspended for the entire 2007 season, of sucker-punching her at an Atlanta strip club on January 3. Wanda Jackson, an employee at the club, filed an application with the Fulton County Magistrate Court asking a judge to consider issuing a warrant against Jones. In her complaint, Jackson said Jones became angry after accusing the club's management of stealing money and a bracelet from him. She also claims he was pissed that management accused Jones' crew of having an unpaid tab and also because he believed that money was stolen from him. "I was sitting in the office and he lunged at me numerous times in an effort to do grave bodily harm," Jackson wrote in her complaint. "Veronica Jones, an owner, went into the hall to deal with a member of his entourage. I followed to gawk. He was in the hall, surprisingly reached over or around a security guard and sucker punched me in my left eye." The Titans declined to comment on the latest incident involving Jones, who was suspended by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell for an accumulation of off the field incidents. In November, Goodell denied Jones' appeal for an early return. "As we have said throughout his suspension, we will not comment on Adam Jones until he is reinstated by the commissioner," the Titans said in a statement. When Jones' appeal was turned down, an NFL spokesman said Goodell would revisit the situation after the Pro Bowl, which will be played February 10. Call me crazy, but at this point, the NFL just shouldn't bother. This guy is clearly a moron and he doesn't deserve to play in the league. He has more athletic ability than nearly anyone in the league, but dude is an idiot. It's not like he's being done in by something like a drug or alcohol addiction; dude is being taken down by a STRIP CLUB ADDICTION. He can't stay away from them even though every time he goes to one, something bad happens and people end up sucker-pucnhed, paralyzed and hospitalized. Adam, you may like women taking their clothes off, but you're telling me the only place you can get that is at a strip club? Get real, man. You need to learn that hitting women is not cool, and you also need to figure otu that you plus money plus a strip club equals trouble. But most importantly, you need to learn that lesson far away from the NFL on a permanent basis. You obviously value going to nudie bars more than making millions playing pro football, so you've made your choice, now live with it. Don't bother reconsidering that suspension, Commissioner Goodell, save yourself the time and make it a lifetime ban right now.
- The TV season is officially dead, damn you writers and producers both. The deadline for saving this season came and went at noon today and when no deal was reached or even close to being reached by then, this season on all of the major networks flat-lined. Furthermore, preparations for next season are now in danger, so this strike could wreck not one, but two seasons. Shows like 24 and Lost, which were to return mid-season, are now in major limbo, with Lost having eight episodes in the can but nothing else beyond midseason and 24 unsure of when it will return, which could end up being as many as two years after the last episode aired, depending on how long this interminable mess goes on. Writers are making their own preparations for a prolonged stoppage, with today being the deadline for proposals for Strike TV, a new online channel that striking members of the WGA are setting up. The site, which will live on the United Hollywood website, will feature original video shorts and shows created by "working professionals" in the TV and film biz, and is set to launch in February. Great, but I think I'll pass. What I want is the damn shows I like to watch with new episodes, not some lame YouTube rip-off where striking writers post video shorts and their own lame attempts at shows. Initially I was siding with the writers in this strike, being a writer myself, but that was under the premise that there was still a chance to save this season. Now that it's officially dead, the gloves come off. I'm pissed at the writers, I'm pissed at the producers and I'm pissed at anyone who has had anything at all to do with creating this mess or keeping it going. I'm making no distinction between the involved parties now; you are ALL the enemy. You've collaborated to ruin this season and possibly next season and you all officially suck. You're all greedy, you're all being idiots and you should have figured out a solution to this mess long before now. If you can't, why don't you all just get the hell out. Clear out your offices, take your knick-knacks, office plants and pictures of your family with you and allow people who aren't selfish, greedy, ignorant a-holes to take your jobs over. I don't care what breakdown you all want for the revenues from the digital sale of your shows and movies, just pick a freaking number and settle this. Either that or get your sorry asses out of the way, I quite frankly don't care.
- Alleging government corruption and election fraud is awesome. Always has been, always will be, So thousands of citizens calling for a recount in the Republic of Georgia, located in eastern Europe. Tens of thousands of Georgians took to the streets in the capital of Tbilisi to demonstrate against the election victory of U.S.-allied President Mihail Saakahvili on the grounds that the election was fixed. The protesters want a recount because they don't believe that Saakahvili wasn't elected legally and I support their claim. After all, he is backed by the W. administration, and if they show as little regard for their own constitution as they have so far, how little respect can they have for the laws of another country? The massive demonstration has raised serious concern about political instability in the former Soviet Bloc country. It's an especially ironic turn of events for Saakahvili, who rose to power in 2003 as the hero of the Rose Revolution protest against fraudulent elections. Since that time, he's faced allegations of being an oppressive, authoritarian ruler and he approval ratings have plummeted. The cynic might say that when they become unhappy with a leader, Georgians cry election fraud, but let's try to be positive here. You've got tens of thousands of protesters marching through the streets of Tbilisi, ignoring the freezing weather and carrying signs and banners demanding a recount of the country's Jan. 5 election. If the estimate of 100,000 protesters is true, then this is a major event and one that could cause waves for a long time in the country. The power of the people has been heard and seen, so let's hope it's a force that starts to reshape a country that has been struggling for quite a while now.
- Hope you are enjoying the new episodes of One Tree Hill, because it looks like very shortly it will be the only series airing new episodes, but more on that in a minute. Last night's episode of OTH found all of the gang now entrenched back in Tree Hill, beginning the uphill climb to reaching their life's dreams. For Lucas Scott, that meant dealing with a pathetic excuse for a Tree Hill varsity basketball team that he's supposed to coach back to prosperity and dealing with an insecure girlfriend at the same time, all while trying to start writing his second novel. Forcing his team to run for the entire practice each day if they couldn't make their free throws solved the first problem, but the last two wouldn't go away so easily. With editor/girlfriend Lindsey, or as she's been labeled on the show, "Lucas's Lindsey," worried that the arrival of hot ex-girlfriends Peyton and Brooke in town might tempt Lucas to go back with one of them, the claws came out. Peyton continued to insist she's not after Lucas but felt like Lindsey was sending a message that she needed to back off. Lucas found a good diversion by finally starting to write his next book, but something tells me this drama will rear its head throughout the season. Peyton had her own challenges anyhow, trying to get her new record label up and running. For some reason, the first band she tried to sign was fronted by a character played by Kevin Federline and we're supposed to believe that he's a legit musician on TV even though he's a total hack in real life...but for now, let's try to move past that. Peyton makes her pitch and initially gets shot down, but of course this is TV, so she makes a plucky, inspired rebuttal speech the next day and the band relents and agrees to sign with her. She still isn't happy about the "lucky bamboo" plant Lindsey gave her that came with an unspoken warning about staying away from Lucas, but signing her first band made her day. Brooke's day was made and then came crashing down, as she opened a store for her Clothes Over Bros fashion line in Tree Hill and bought a waterfront house, but constant nagging from her business manager turned into a nightmare when that business manager came to Tree Hill to demand that Brooke return to New York. It was then we learned that this uber-bitch is actually Brooke's mom....yikes. Elsewhere on the show, Marvin "Mouth" McFadden continued to be run ragged by his boss at the local TV station and turned to Antwan "Skills" Taylor for advice. Skills advised him to do what he himself did with a female professor who dogged him during his last semester of college; kiss her, because she's only dogging you because she's hot for you and needs a way to deal with the sexual tension. When Mouth puts that advice to use in a tense moment, initially it gets him a "You're fired!" but as he prepares to leave the office later on, his cougar of a boss returns his lip lock and they get busy right there in her office.....only on TV. Nathan has a hot newcomer of his own to deal with, a nanny who just happens to have a great body and remember his now-dead basketball stardom. She agrees to drive him on an errand - to go see his father, Dan, at the prison where he's serving his life sentence. Dan is glad to see him, but Nathan is there for a one-time visit to put Dan behind him. As he leaves, Nathan vows to never let his son play basketball because the game ruined his own life. Dan warns him otherwise, but it takes the new nanny showing him a mini-shrine that son Jamie has built in his closet to Nathan to convince him to allow Jamie to play ball. The new nanny also talks Nathan into shaving that ugly-ass beard, which was a good idea. Nathan's wife Hayley needs all the help she can get because her new job teaching English at Tree Hill HS is still kicking her butt. She can't get through to Quentin, the trouble-making student and basketball star who hasn't come to class since he got kicked off the basketball team. Let's hope this predictable, sappy storyline doesn't play out the way I think it will, because writing that predictable and obvious doesn't deserve air time on any network. Oh, and Karen, Lucas' mom, is still traveling Europe with her young daughter, born at the end of last season, but sooner or later that vacation has to end one way or another, right? If Moira Kelly has left the show, quit the pretense already. Anyhow, that's all the Tree Hill news for this week, back next week for another go-round....
- Pacman Jones is the dumbest guy who ever lived, the biggest piece of crap I've ever seen and he's also freaking crazy. I already knew those things before this week, given Jones' body of work. He's been part of multiple strip club melees, he's assaulted women while in college, he's been arrested or wanted for questioning by the police literally a dozen times and he's currently serving a one-year suspension from the NFL for the fallout from a strip club brawl in Las Vegas that left one bouncer permanently paralyzed from the waist down. During his time off, Jones has run afoul of the league and his team, the Tennessee Titans, by venturing into the world of pro wrestling and forcing the Titans to seek a court injunction to keep him from engaging in any physical contact while involved with wrasslin'. Also, on the eve of a visit with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell to discuss his suspension, Jones decided that of the thousands of places to eat in New York City, he would go to....yup, a strip club. However, his latest incident proves beyond ten thousand degrees of reasonable doubt that Jones is 1) a moron, 2) a huge moron, 3) a ginormous moron, 4) crazy and 5) a misogynist. Yesterday, we learned that a woman has accused Jones, who was suspended for the entire 2007 season, of sucker-punching her at an Atlanta strip club on January 3. Wanda Jackson, an employee at the club, filed an application with the Fulton County Magistrate Court asking a judge to consider issuing a warrant against Jones. In her complaint, Jackson said Jones became angry after accusing the club's management of stealing money and a bracelet from him. She also claims he was pissed that management accused Jones' crew of having an unpaid tab and also because he believed that money was stolen from him. "I was sitting in the office and he lunged at me numerous times in an effort to do grave bodily harm," Jackson wrote in her complaint. "Veronica Jones, an owner, went into the hall to deal with a member of his entourage. I followed to gawk. He was in the hall, surprisingly reached over or around a security guard and sucker punched me in my left eye." The Titans declined to comment on the latest incident involving Jones, who was suspended by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell for an accumulation of off the field incidents. In November, Goodell denied Jones' appeal for an early return. "As we have said throughout his suspension, we will not comment on Adam Jones until he is reinstated by the commissioner," the Titans said in a statement. When Jones' appeal was turned down, an NFL spokesman said Goodell would revisit the situation after the Pro Bowl, which will be played February 10. Call me crazy, but at this point, the NFL just shouldn't bother. This guy is clearly a moron and he doesn't deserve to play in the league. He has more athletic ability than nearly anyone in the league, but dude is an idiot. It's not like he's being done in by something like a drug or alcohol addiction; dude is being taken down by a STRIP CLUB ADDICTION. He can't stay away from them even though every time he goes to one, something bad happens and people end up sucker-pucnhed, paralyzed and hospitalized. Adam, you may like women taking their clothes off, but you're telling me the only place you can get that is at a strip club? Get real, man. You need to learn that hitting women is not cool, and you also need to figure otu that you plus money plus a strip club equals trouble. But most importantly, you need to learn that lesson far away from the NFL on a permanent basis. You obviously value going to nudie bars more than making millions playing pro football, so you've made your choice, now live with it. Don't bother reconsidering that suspension, Commissioner Goodell, save yourself the time and make it a lifetime ban right now.
- The TV season is officially dead, damn you writers and producers both. The deadline for saving this season came and went at noon today and when no deal was reached or even close to being reached by then, this season on all of the major networks flat-lined. Furthermore, preparations for next season are now in danger, so this strike could wreck not one, but two seasons. Shows like 24 and Lost, which were to return mid-season, are now in major limbo, with Lost having eight episodes in the can but nothing else beyond midseason and 24 unsure of when it will return, which could end up being as many as two years after the last episode aired, depending on how long this interminable mess goes on. Writers are making their own preparations for a prolonged stoppage, with today being the deadline for proposals for Strike TV, a new online channel that striking members of the WGA are setting up. The site, which will live on the United Hollywood website, will feature original video shorts and shows created by "working professionals" in the TV and film biz, and is set to launch in February. Great, but I think I'll pass. What I want is the damn shows I like to watch with new episodes, not some lame YouTube rip-off where striking writers post video shorts and their own lame attempts at shows. Initially I was siding with the writers in this strike, being a writer myself, but that was under the premise that there was still a chance to save this season. Now that it's officially dead, the gloves come off. I'm pissed at the writers, I'm pissed at the producers and I'm pissed at anyone who has had anything at all to do with creating this mess or keeping it going. I'm making no distinction between the involved parties now; you are ALL the enemy. You've collaborated to ruin this season and possibly next season and you all officially suck. You're all greedy, you're all being idiots and you should have figured out a solution to this mess long before now. If you can't, why don't you all just get the hell out. Clear out your offices, take your knick-knacks, office plants and pictures of your family with you and allow people who aren't selfish, greedy, ignorant a-holes to take your jobs over. I don't care what breakdown you all want for the revenues from the digital sale of your shows and movies, just pick a freaking number and settle this. Either that or get your sorry asses out of the way, I quite frankly don't care.
- Alleging government corruption and election fraud is awesome. Always has been, always will be, So thousands of citizens calling for a recount in the Republic of Georgia, located in eastern Europe. Tens of thousands of Georgians took to the streets in the capital of Tbilisi to demonstrate against the election victory of U.S.-allied President Mihail Saakahvili on the grounds that the election was fixed. The protesters want a recount because they don't believe that Saakahvili wasn't elected legally and I support their claim. After all, he is backed by the W. administration, and if they show as little regard for their own constitution as they have so far, how little respect can they have for the laws of another country? The massive demonstration has raised serious concern about political instability in the former Soviet Bloc country. It's an especially ironic turn of events for Saakahvili, who rose to power in 2003 as the hero of the Rose Revolution protest against fraudulent elections. Since that time, he's faced allegations of being an oppressive, authoritarian ruler and he approval ratings have plummeted. The cynic might say that when they become unhappy with a leader, Georgians cry election fraud, but let's try to be positive here. You've got tens of thousands of protesters marching through the streets of Tbilisi, ignoring the freezing weather and carrying signs and banners demanding a recount of the country's Jan. 5 election. If the estimate of 100,000 protesters is true, then this is a major event and one that could cause waves for a long time in the country. The power of the people has been heard and seen, so let's hope it's a force that starts to reshape a country that has been struggling for quite a while now.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Prison Break review, rappers on 'roids and The King cracks triple digits the wrong way
- Since when are double amputees considered to have an advantage over able-bodied people? Since now, if you ask the International Association of Athletics Federations, the governing body for Olympic sports and the idiots who have declared that double-amputee Oscar Pistorius, a South African sprinter, cannot attempt to qualify for his nation's Olympic track team because his "Cheetah blade" prosthetic legs give him an unfair advantage over runners competing on their own natural legs. Yes, a physically-handicapped person is being cited as having an unfair edge over people who actually haven't had to see their own legs amputated. Good call, IAAF. "An athlete using this prosthetic blade has a demonstrable mechanical advantage when compared to someone not using the blade," the IAAF claimed in statement. What's funny is that Pistorius has long refused to consider his artificial limbs a handicap, and he won't even park his car in handicapped spaces. He finished second last year in the 400 meters at the South African championships against able-bodied runners. For a guy born without fibulas - the long, thin outer bone between the knee and ankle and was 11 months old when his legs were amputated below the knee, Pistorius has led a remarkable life in his first 21 years and deserves the right to challenge for a spot in the Olympics. He didn't choose to have the prosthetics and I'm sure if given the chance, he would elect to have natural, functioning legs like most everyone else. Instead, he's making the best of what he has and he shouldn't be barred from competing for an Olympic spot by the small-minded idiots at the IAAF because of things he can't control. Pistorius has said he'll challenge the ruling to the highest possible levels, but the International Olympic Committee has already acted like a dumb, slow sheep and fallen in line with the IAAF's ruling, so it looks like my man Oscar is screwed. Too bad, because I would love to see him compete in Beijing and try to win a medal there.....
- The weekend box office was led by a movie about to geriatric old dudes trying to get a few last thrills before they croak. Need I say more? A good weekend for the movies it was not, with The Bucket List starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman as two terminally ill senior citizens seeking a few final defining moments before they die. The movie took in $19.5 million, which should be another indication that it was a down weekend at theaters. If the top-earning movie can't crack $20 million, you can be sure that most of America had better things to do than to go see extremely mediocre films at inflated ticket prices. Coming in second was a movie that was certainly worse than the top film, First Sunday, a lame comedy starring Ice Cube, Tracy Morgan and....never mind, that says more than enough right there. The film is about those two trying to rip off the congregation at a church and it bombs miserably. The best movie around over the weekend was Juno, the comedy featuring Michael Cera and Ellen Page that has held strong for a while now near the top of the box office standings. National Treasure: Book of Secrets was next, yikes. Let's hope next weekend is better, because it certainly can't be worse without every theater worldwide being sucked into some evil demon vortex and tearing a hole in the space/time continuum of suckitude......
- Guess the "Do you know who I am card?" doesn't work for King James. On Tuesday, Jan. 1, Cleveland Cavaliers star LeBron James cracked triple digits, which would have been amazing if it had been for points scored on the court and not the miles per hour on his car's odometer. The King was nabbed by a highway patrol deputy on Interstate 71 heading south from Cleveland for driving 101 mph in a 65-mph zone. For those of you a little slow on the math, that'd 36 miles an hour over the speed limit, enough to land you a citation for reckless driving in addition to the speeding ticket. For an explanation, James offered this gem: "I was driving fast. I wasn't drunk or anything. You have to abide by the rules and I made a mistake." Great, King, but something tells me this isn't a mistake in terms of you driving this fast and it being a one-time thing. It seems a lot more like a mistake in that you do it all the time and the mistake was getting caught, or more specifically getting caught by a cop who wasn't awed by your celebrity and willing to let you off with a warning as long as you signed some autographs for his kids and promised him tickets for an upcoming game. No, this isn't some huge red flag on James' character the way a DUI or assault charge would be, but that doesn't mean it's not funny imagining him sitting there in the driver's seat, muttering under his breath and sweating bullets like the rest of us would in the same situation. Normally I don't like cops or authority figures of any kind, but hats off to this particular cop for not having a double standard and treating James just like he would treat anyone else. Memo to the King: You might be above the law on the court, where referees allow you to get away with certain things because you're a star, but off the court, you need to learn that you're no different than the rest of us, with the exception of being able to pay off your traffic fines with money you fish out from between your sofa cushions.....
- I've made no bones about the fact that not only am I not a fan of Mary J. Blige's music, I flat-out hate it. Not her, mind you. I don't know her and don't have an opinion on Blige as a person, but her music I despise. Now comes a pretty good indication that she's not the most high-character individual as well as being a lousy musician. The names of Blige, along with rap artists 50 Cent, Timbaland and Wyclef Jean, and award-winning author and producer Tyler Perry, have emerged in an investigation of steroids trafficking, the Albany Times Union is reporting. Good call, all, because clearly you are people who would need steroids. After all, isn't bigger, faster, stronger and quicker to heal from injury the official motto of hip-hop and rap? What rapper or hip-hopper doesn't need to be able to improve their dead lift and bench press or heal up quicker from injuries sustained during those intense studio sessions? Umm, sure. Whereas I can see why athletes want to 'roid up for a competitive advantage, what are musicians doing trafficking steroids? It doesn't make a ton of sense, but according to confidential sources, information surfaced recently showing those stars are among tens of thousands of people who may have used or received prescribed shipments of steroids and injectable human growth hormone in recent years. I suppose of all the names on the list, 50 Cent does make sense because how else do you explain a fast and miraculous recovery from being shot nine times? It is important to note that law enforcement officials have said they have no evidence that customers violated any laws. The real targets in this investigation are anti-aging clinics, doctors and pharmacists who prescribed the drugs. Nevertheless, good to know that some of music's biggest names are busy pumping harmful substances into their bodies - well, other than copies amounts of booze and hippie lettuce, that is. Sadly, the revelation that Blige and Timbaland have acquired and ostensibly used steroids confirm that 'roids do nothing to help improve the quality of your music, so strike that from the list of possible benefits to be derived from using them.....
- Welcome back, Prison Break. The best show on FOX and the only good one on the entire network outside of the perpetually-postponed 24 came back last night for the start of a five-episode run that will end once the show runs out of new episodes thanks to the writers' strike. The show returned with its protagonist, Michael Scofield, in a familiar place: in the office of the person in charge of the prison of which he is a resident. In Season One, it was Michael befriending warden Henry Pope and then using that trust to help facilitate his escape plan. This week's episode kicked off where the last one ended, with Michael being led out of SONA. However, the assumption I and many others made that he was being shipped out of SONA proved wrong. Instead, he was taken to the office of a general from the Panamanian army who was in charge of the prison. After being questioned and refusing to cooperate, Michael is put in a special kind of solitary confinement. He's crammed inside a small metal wire cage slightly bigger than a phone booth and wrapped in plastic wrap over most of its surface. The cage is left out in the middle of the open space between the outer wall of the prison and the fence surrounding the perimeter. Everyone in the prison, both allies and foes, watches his plight, with veteran prisoners knowing he faces two choices: cooperate or die. On the outside of the walls, Lincoln is taken to see his son LJ, who is still alive but in captivity. Gretchen Morgan, the Company's representative in Panama and Linc's contact with them, has LJ and wants to remind Linc than in light of the failed escape attempt to break James Whistler out of SONA, she still has something he wants. Sucre, still hanging around as a member of the prison work crew, arrives for work and sees Michael in solitary confinement. He relays the news to Linc, but but this time Michael has agreed to cooperate with the general's investigation into the attempted escape. He fingers Whistler, who is pulled out of an equally interesting scene inside the prison, There, Lechero's role as leader continues to be under fire, as his top lieutenant, Sammy, is contacted by a friend on the outside who has a package delivered for Sammy to use on Lechro - a pistol. Also fighting for survival is Brad Bellick, who runs afoul of one of the prison's badder hombres and is challenged to one of the prison's patented two-men-enter, one-man-leaves fights. Using hand wraps with a potent cocktail of chemicals, Bellick is able to subdue and kill his opponent, keeping him alive for now. Alex Mahone is also back at SONA, his deal for a transfer back to the U.S. on lessened charges falling through once he was deemed an unreliable witness. He wants in on the escape plan, but at the moment his bigger problem is fighting the withdrawal symptoms now that he can't get his hands on the prescription drugs he needs. Out of this mess, Whistler is summoned and questioned by the general, who by now has been able to verify much of Michael Scofield's story. At first Whistler plays dumb, but he soon caves and fingers Gretchen, who just happens to be meeting with Linc in Panama City in one hour. The general goes and nabs her from the hotel bar where the meeting takes places, then hauls her off to SONA for torture/questioning. She endures a lot of pain, then appears to fold, admitting her part in the escape plan as well as in LJ's kidnapping. She says she'll take the general to where LJ is, but once there, Gretchen goes Kill Bill on their a**es and kills them both, then calls for a car to come get her. With the general dead, a new man comes to take charge at SONA and he has no interest in taking up the general's investigation. He sends Scofield and Whistler back into SONA, where they're met with a less-than-warm response. Michael immediately finds Lechero and re-starts their escape plan through a tunnel underneath the prison, a plan which stalled out with Michael in solitary. Now the question is whether they can make it out in time, before Sammy kills Lechero, before too many people find out about the plan and before the weak roof of the tunnel caves in - and most importantly, before LJ is killed. Oh, I forgot to mention the coolest moment of the episode - when Michael finally comes face to face with Gretchen while she's being questioned by the general (before he was killed, obviously), he asks if she's the one who killed Sarah. She plays dumb but it's clear Michael knows the truth, because he glares at her and icily remarks, "I'm coming for you." It was a chilling moment and one I'm looking forward to seeing come to fruition in the episodes ahead. Until next time....
- The weekend box office was led by a movie about to geriatric old dudes trying to get a few last thrills before they croak. Need I say more? A good weekend for the movies it was not, with The Bucket List starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman as two terminally ill senior citizens seeking a few final defining moments before they die. The movie took in $19.5 million, which should be another indication that it was a down weekend at theaters. If the top-earning movie can't crack $20 million, you can be sure that most of America had better things to do than to go see extremely mediocre films at inflated ticket prices. Coming in second was a movie that was certainly worse than the top film, First Sunday, a lame comedy starring Ice Cube, Tracy Morgan and....never mind, that says more than enough right there. The film is about those two trying to rip off the congregation at a church and it bombs miserably. The best movie around over the weekend was Juno, the comedy featuring Michael Cera and Ellen Page that has held strong for a while now near the top of the box office standings. National Treasure: Book of Secrets was next, yikes. Let's hope next weekend is better, because it certainly can't be worse without every theater worldwide being sucked into some evil demon vortex and tearing a hole in the space/time continuum of suckitude......
- Guess the "Do you know who I am card?" doesn't work for King James. On Tuesday, Jan. 1, Cleveland Cavaliers star LeBron James cracked triple digits, which would have been amazing if it had been for points scored on the court and not the miles per hour on his car's odometer. The King was nabbed by a highway patrol deputy on Interstate 71 heading south from Cleveland for driving 101 mph in a 65-mph zone. For those of you a little slow on the math, that'd 36 miles an hour over the speed limit, enough to land you a citation for reckless driving in addition to the speeding ticket. For an explanation, James offered this gem: "I was driving fast. I wasn't drunk or anything. You have to abide by the rules and I made a mistake." Great, King, but something tells me this isn't a mistake in terms of you driving this fast and it being a one-time thing. It seems a lot more like a mistake in that you do it all the time and the mistake was getting caught, or more specifically getting caught by a cop who wasn't awed by your celebrity and willing to let you off with a warning as long as you signed some autographs for his kids and promised him tickets for an upcoming game. No, this isn't some huge red flag on James' character the way a DUI or assault charge would be, but that doesn't mean it's not funny imagining him sitting there in the driver's seat, muttering under his breath and sweating bullets like the rest of us would in the same situation. Normally I don't like cops or authority figures of any kind, but hats off to this particular cop for not having a double standard and treating James just like he would treat anyone else. Memo to the King: You might be above the law on the court, where referees allow you to get away with certain things because you're a star, but off the court, you need to learn that you're no different than the rest of us, with the exception of being able to pay off your traffic fines with money you fish out from between your sofa cushions.....
- I've made no bones about the fact that not only am I not a fan of Mary J. Blige's music, I flat-out hate it. Not her, mind you. I don't know her and don't have an opinion on Blige as a person, but her music I despise. Now comes a pretty good indication that she's not the most high-character individual as well as being a lousy musician. The names of Blige, along with rap artists 50 Cent, Timbaland and Wyclef Jean, and award-winning author and producer Tyler Perry, have emerged in an investigation of steroids trafficking, the Albany Times Union is reporting. Good call, all, because clearly you are people who would need steroids. After all, isn't bigger, faster, stronger and quicker to heal from injury the official motto of hip-hop and rap? What rapper or hip-hopper doesn't need to be able to improve their dead lift and bench press or heal up quicker from injuries sustained during those intense studio sessions? Umm, sure. Whereas I can see why athletes want to 'roid up for a competitive advantage, what are musicians doing trafficking steroids? It doesn't make a ton of sense, but according to confidential sources, information surfaced recently showing those stars are among tens of thousands of people who may have used or received prescribed shipments of steroids and injectable human growth hormone in recent years. I suppose of all the names on the list, 50 Cent does make sense because how else do you explain a fast and miraculous recovery from being shot nine times? It is important to note that law enforcement officials have said they have no evidence that customers violated any laws. The real targets in this investigation are anti-aging clinics, doctors and pharmacists who prescribed the drugs. Nevertheless, good to know that some of music's biggest names are busy pumping harmful substances into their bodies - well, other than copies amounts of booze and hippie lettuce, that is. Sadly, the revelation that Blige and Timbaland have acquired and ostensibly used steroids confirm that 'roids do nothing to help improve the quality of your music, so strike that from the list of possible benefits to be derived from using them.....
- Welcome back, Prison Break. The best show on FOX and the only good one on the entire network outside of the perpetually-postponed 24 came back last night for the start of a five-episode run that will end once the show runs out of new episodes thanks to the writers' strike. The show returned with its protagonist, Michael Scofield, in a familiar place: in the office of the person in charge of the prison of which he is a resident. In Season One, it was Michael befriending warden Henry Pope and then using that trust to help facilitate his escape plan. This week's episode kicked off where the last one ended, with Michael being led out of SONA. However, the assumption I and many others made that he was being shipped out of SONA proved wrong. Instead, he was taken to the office of a general from the Panamanian army who was in charge of the prison. After being questioned and refusing to cooperate, Michael is put in a special kind of solitary confinement. He's crammed inside a small metal wire cage slightly bigger than a phone booth and wrapped in plastic wrap over most of its surface. The cage is left out in the middle of the open space between the outer wall of the prison and the fence surrounding the perimeter. Everyone in the prison, both allies and foes, watches his plight, with veteran prisoners knowing he faces two choices: cooperate or die. On the outside of the walls, Lincoln is taken to see his son LJ, who is still alive but in captivity. Gretchen Morgan, the Company's representative in Panama and Linc's contact with them, has LJ and wants to remind Linc than in light of the failed escape attempt to break James Whistler out of SONA, she still has something he wants. Sucre, still hanging around as a member of the prison work crew, arrives for work and sees Michael in solitary confinement. He relays the news to Linc, but but this time Michael has agreed to cooperate with the general's investigation into the attempted escape. He fingers Whistler, who is pulled out of an equally interesting scene inside the prison, There, Lechero's role as leader continues to be under fire, as his top lieutenant, Sammy, is contacted by a friend on the outside who has a package delivered for Sammy to use on Lechro - a pistol. Also fighting for survival is Brad Bellick, who runs afoul of one of the prison's badder hombres and is challenged to one of the prison's patented two-men-enter, one-man-leaves fights. Using hand wraps with a potent cocktail of chemicals, Bellick is able to subdue and kill his opponent, keeping him alive for now. Alex Mahone is also back at SONA, his deal for a transfer back to the U.S. on lessened charges falling through once he was deemed an unreliable witness. He wants in on the escape plan, but at the moment his bigger problem is fighting the withdrawal symptoms now that he can't get his hands on the prescription drugs he needs. Out of this mess, Whistler is summoned and questioned by the general, who by now has been able to verify much of Michael Scofield's story. At first Whistler plays dumb, but he soon caves and fingers Gretchen, who just happens to be meeting with Linc in Panama City in one hour. The general goes and nabs her from the hotel bar where the meeting takes places, then hauls her off to SONA for torture/questioning. She endures a lot of pain, then appears to fold, admitting her part in the escape plan as well as in LJ's kidnapping. She says she'll take the general to where LJ is, but once there, Gretchen goes Kill Bill on their a**es and kills them both, then calls for a car to come get her. With the general dead, a new man comes to take charge at SONA and he has no interest in taking up the general's investigation. He sends Scofield and Whistler back into SONA, where they're met with a less-than-warm response. Michael immediately finds Lechero and re-starts their escape plan through a tunnel underneath the prison, a plan which stalled out with Michael in solitary. Now the question is whether they can make it out in time, before Sammy kills Lechero, before too many people find out about the plan and before the weak roof of the tunnel caves in - and most importantly, before LJ is killed. Oh, I forgot to mention the coolest moment of the episode - when Michael finally comes face to face with Gretchen while she's being questioned by the general (before he was killed, obviously), he asks if she's the one who killed Sarah. She plays dumb but it's clear Michael knows the truth, because he glares at her and icily remarks, "I'm coming for you." It was a chilling moment and one I'm looking forward to seeing come to fruition in the episodes ahead. Until next time....
Monday, January 14, 2008
A good rock album, news on America's big fence and I call for Isaiah Thomas to quit
- Thanks for nothing, NFL. I'm seriously considering skipping the rest of the NFL playoffs because after the games of this past weekend, everything that could have happened to make the New England Patriots' run to a 19-0 season and immortality as easy as possible fell into place, and it makes me absolutely sick. For starters, the Pats won their game, beating Jacksonville at home Saturday night by a 31-20 score. The Jags put up a good fight and looked like they might have a shot to win, but ultimately their offense sputtered and New England's chugged right along to another victory. Fine, I thought, Indianapolis is at home Sunday against San Diego, the Colts are the defending Super Bowl champs and have Peyton Manning at quarterback, so they'll pull out a win at home and then go to New England and win next week. After all, they nearly beat the Pats in the regular season and they clearly have the talent and experience to win in New England. So what does Indy do? They get their hearts ripped out by a Chargers team playing without its hall-of-fame running back, LaDanian Tomlinson (left the game with a bruised knee), their starting quarterback Phillip Rivers (also left the game with a leg injury) and with their All-Pro tight end, Antonio Gates, hobbled by a bum ankle and able to contribute next to nothing. Needing a defensive stop to secure a win late in the game with with San Diego relying on its backup quarterback, running back and tight end, the Colts failed miserably. Billy Volek led the Chargers down the field and punched in a 1-yard touchdown run. San Diego 28, Indianapolis 24, thanks for nothing, Colts. San Diego played in New England earlier this season and got hammered by three touchdowns, and don't look for that to change now that their three best offensive players are banged up and at less than 100 percent. But clearly that wasn't enough to clear a path for New England to waltz to the title; they still need to play the NFC champion in the Super Bowl. So who was the best team in the NFC? That would be Dallas, the top seed with a 13-3 record. The Cowboys were at home against a New York Giants squad they had beaten handily twice in the regular season. However, Dallas couldn't sustain a strong start in which running back/battering ram Marion Barber ran over and through defenders in a bone-crushing effort, mostly because their defense wilted like week-old roses and their offensive line decided to start their off-season after halftime instead of showing up to play in the second half. The Giants scratched and clawed to a 21-17 lead behind strong play from quarterback Eli Manning, but when Dallas got two great shots late in the game with good field position thanks more to the Giants going uber-conservative than to anything the Dallas defense did, the Cowboys choked. Tony Romo sealed the deal with a boneheaded, terrible interception in the end zone with about a minute left. So other than New England, we have the Giants, Chargers and an overrated Green Bay Packers team left in the playoffs. New England could win these final two games with their backups and not break a sweat doing it. That would be the perfectly horrific capper on a nightmare of an NFL season, with the only horror to surpass the sight of Bill Beli-cheat hoisting the Lombardi Trophy being the Miami Dolphins ripping my heart out by winning that game in Week 15 against Baltimore to throw away their chance at my dream of an 0-16 season. I freaking hate the NFL right now.....
- Memo to that effeminate, waifish, loser karaoke-er Clay Aiken: You'd better check yourself, bro, and be glad that someone like Newsweek even wants to talk to your sorry ass. Your music is worthless, you took part in the biggest abomination of a TV show we've ever seen and the average second-grade girl could beat the crap out of you in between playing with her My Little Pony and braiding her hair. As far as I can tell, you've contributed nothing of worth to the world in general, so your act in a recent Newsweek interview is way, way out of line. The Effeminate One was perfectly happy to talk about American Karaoke, about Monty Python and his problems picking out matching socks in the morning, but when the interviewer dared to ask about his tussle with a fellow airline passenger a few months ago, Flake-en tersely replied, "I'm not going to discuss it." He gave the same reply when asked about his spat with Kelly Ripa, which probably started when Aiken realized she was much tougher and manlier than he is. Finally, the exasperated interviewer asked when Flake-en wanted to talk about, and he shot back, "I think we're done." Seriously? You're trying to big-time someone? You're a glorified karaoke singer with bad hair, the muscular development of a stick figure and the musical legitimacy of Bozo the Clown. Any time you AK fans try to argue that your show is legit, I'm just going to continue pointing to Clay Flake-en and I'll win the argument every day of every week. Your show is a joke and so is anyone who has ever appeared on it.
- Isaiah Thomas refuses to go away. He may be a sexual harasser, he may be a terrible owner (see his decimation of the CBA), he may be a crappy GM and coach (see his current team, the Knicks), but one thing he won't do it quit...even when it's the right and smart thing to do for himself and his team. He bought the CBA (minor league basketball) and ran it into the ground. He moved on to coach the Indiana Pacers and took them nowhere fast before wearing out his welcome, getting fired and seeing the team take off and be extremely successful once he left. He went to the New York Knicks, took over as general manager and assembled a roster that stumbled to the worst record in the NBA. That led to the firing of legendary coach Larry Brown and the installation of Thomas as coach so he could try to clean up the mess he'd made as GM. Since taking on that dual role, Zeke has show remarkable consistency....in continuing to perform so poorly that fans at Madison Square Garden are normally starting their "Fire Isaiah!" chants midway through the first quarter of Knicks' home games. In spite of all that, even though his team is an abysmal 10-26 and again in the running for the league's worst record, Thomas reiterated this week that he's not prepared to give up either his coaching job or his general manager job. When asked about reports that he was considering giving up one of his jobs, he said, "I've never given it that thought. I only think about how to fix it, to make it right." Umm, Zeke, leaving both jobs and never coming near MSG again would be the best fix, just saying.....but as for those reports, Thomas tried his best to shoot them down. "That was just a lie. That was just a flat-out lie. I would never, ever quit. Ever." True, Zeke, true. In all your time in New York, you've never quit....making bad trades, signing players who didn't fit with your team and coaching that team right into the ground. You've never quit doing any of those things, but in order for the Knicks to ever be successful again, they're going to need you to quit as both coach and GM. Otheriwse, they'll stay in the cellar of the Atlantic Division, right where they are now. Do the right thing, Zeke, just quit.
- I'm the first to admit when I've missed out on good music. For a long time, I wasn't a big fan of Philadelphia-founded, Brooklyn-based rockers Marah, but their newest album, Angels of Destruction! is flat-out awesome. The album combines bluesy rock with great guitar play and a hint of folk music, just the right blend to make for a really good album. The band hails from the early '90s, "grunge" (a major misnomer for the era) era, but mixes in an Elvis Costello sound throughout much of their work. Songs like Angels on a Passing Train incorporate folk and rock in a great way, while tunes such as Old Time Tickin' Away just pound out a good rhythm and flat-out rock. As always, the music has thought and depth to it, with much of the album musing about catastrophe and the prospect of redemption. The throaty, coarse vocals of singers Dave and Serge Bielanko punctuate every song on the album and all told, this is one you'll want in your collection. I won't receive tons of notoriety and it won't appear on the Billboard charts, but let's be honest, most of the songs that do score high in those areas suck, so pick up Angels of Destruction! and enjoy a good rock album.
- Maybe if Republican anti-immigrant whackos like Fred Thompson actually took some time to listen to those their idiotic ideas, ideas like a ginormous border fence to keep Mexicans out of the U.S., would affect, they might reconsider those ideas. Then again, seeing how militaristic, maniacal jerks like Thompson view those who try to crash the border, probably not. If he did ask for the input of those who would be affected by the big border fence, here's a sampling of what he would hear. Many landowners are worried about the intermittent 370-mile long fence cutting off portions of their property and creating other real estate nightmares. Some local residents in the Rio Grande Valley refused to give up parts of their land for survey work for the wall and were given 30 days to relent or face a federal lawsuit. The Texas Border Coalition has even banded together people like Mayor Richard Cortez of McAllen, Tex., with people he is politically opposed to, all in an effort to stop this fence from becoming a reality. The government seems set on doing it, dropping this monstrosity right in the back yards of people, ruining their property and inconveniencing them in the process. Suggestions from Cortez and his compatriots are deepening the Rio Grande River to make crossing there tougher, clearing the surrounding land for better surveillance and creating a legal Mexican worker program. All sensible solutions, Mr. Mayor, which means the feds are unlikely to adopt any of them. But I support you and I oppose the wall, so let's hope it somehow gets stopped before it becomes a real-life nightmare.
- Memo to that effeminate, waifish, loser karaoke-er Clay Aiken: You'd better check yourself, bro, and be glad that someone like Newsweek even wants to talk to your sorry ass. Your music is worthless, you took part in the biggest abomination of a TV show we've ever seen and the average second-grade girl could beat the crap out of you in between playing with her My Little Pony and braiding her hair. As far as I can tell, you've contributed nothing of worth to the world in general, so your act in a recent Newsweek interview is way, way out of line. The Effeminate One was perfectly happy to talk about American Karaoke, about Monty Python and his problems picking out matching socks in the morning, but when the interviewer dared to ask about his tussle with a fellow airline passenger a few months ago, Flake-en tersely replied, "I'm not going to discuss it." He gave the same reply when asked about his spat with Kelly Ripa, which probably started when Aiken realized she was much tougher and manlier than he is. Finally, the exasperated interviewer asked when Flake-en wanted to talk about, and he shot back, "I think we're done." Seriously? You're trying to big-time someone? You're a glorified karaoke singer with bad hair, the muscular development of a stick figure and the musical legitimacy of Bozo the Clown. Any time you AK fans try to argue that your show is legit, I'm just going to continue pointing to Clay Flake-en and I'll win the argument every day of every week. Your show is a joke and so is anyone who has ever appeared on it.
- Isaiah Thomas refuses to go away. He may be a sexual harasser, he may be a terrible owner (see his decimation of the CBA), he may be a crappy GM and coach (see his current team, the Knicks), but one thing he won't do it quit...even when it's the right and smart thing to do for himself and his team. He bought the CBA (minor league basketball) and ran it into the ground. He moved on to coach the Indiana Pacers and took them nowhere fast before wearing out his welcome, getting fired and seeing the team take off and be extremely successful once he left. He went to the New York Knicks, took over as general manager and assembled a roster that stumbled to the worst record in the NBA. That led to the firing of legendary coach Larry Brown and the installation of Thomas as coach so he could try to clean up the mess he'd made as GM. Since taking on that dual role, Zeke has show remarkable consistency....in continuing to perform so poorly that fans at Madison Square Garden are normally starting their "Fire Isaiah!" chants midway through the first quarter of Knicks' home games. In spite of all that, even though his team is an abysmal 10-26 and again in the running for the league's worst record, Thomas reiterated this week that he's not prepared to give up either his coaching job or his general manager job. When asked about reports that he was considering giving up one of his jobs, he said, "I've never given it that thought. I only think about how to fix it, to make it right." Umm, Zeke, leaving both jobs and never coming near MSG again would be the best fix, just saying.....but as for those reports, Thomas tried his best to shoot them down. "That was just a lie. That was just a flat-out lie. I would never, ever quit. Ever." True, Zeke, true. In all your time in New York, you've never quit....making bad trades, signing players who didn't fit with your team and coaching that team right into the ground. You've never quit doing any of those things, but in order for the Knicks to ever be successful again, they're going to need you to quit as both coach and GM. Otheriwse, they'll stay in the cellar of the Atlantic Division, right where they are now. Do the right thing, Zeke, just quit.
- I'm the first to admit when I've missed out on good music. For a long time, I wasn't a big fan of Philadelphia-founded, Brooklyn-based rockers Marah, but their newest album, Angels of Destruction! is flat-out awesome. The album combines bluesy rock with great guitar play and a hint of folk music, just the right blend to make for a really good album. The band hails from the early '90s, "grunge" (a major misnomer for the era) era, but mixes in an Elvis Costello sound throughout much of their work. Songs like Angels on a Passing Train incorporate folk and rock in a great way, while tunes such as Old Time Tickin' Away just pound out a good rhythm and flat-out rock. As always, the music has thought and depth to it, with much of the album musing about catastrophe and the prospect of redemption. The throaty, coarse vocals of singers Dave and Serge Bielanko punctuate every song on the album and all told, this is one you'll want in your collection. I won't receive tons of notoriety and it won't appear on the Billboard charts, but let's be honest, most of the songs that do score high in those areas suck, so pick up Angels of Destruction! and enjoy a good rock album.
- Maybe if Republican anti-immigrant whackos like Fred Thompson actually took some time to listen to those their idiotic ideas, ideas like a ginormous border fence to keep Mexicans out of the U.S., would affect, they might reconsider those ideas. Then again, seeing how militaristic, maniacal jerks like Thompson view those who try to crash the border, probably not. If he did ask for the input of those who would be affected by the big border fence, here's a sampling of what he would hear. Many landowners are worried about the intermittent 370-mile long fence cutting off portions of their property and creating other real estate nightmares. Some local residents in the Rio Grande Valley refused to give up parts of their land for survey work for the wall and were given 30 days to relent or face a federal lawsuit. The Texas Border Coalition has even banded together people like Mayor Richard Cortez of McAllen, Tex., with people he is politically opposed to, all in an effort to stop this fence from becoming a reality. The government seems set on doing it, dropping this monstrosity right in the back yards of people, ruining their property and inconveniencing them in the process. Suggestions from Cortez and his compatriots are deepening the Rio Grande River to make crossing there tougher, clearing the surrounding land for better surveillance and creating a legal Mexican worker program. All sensible solutions, Mr. Mayor, which means the feds are unlikely to adopt any of them. But I support you and I oppose the wall, so let's hope it somehow gets stopped before it becomes a real-life nightmare.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Prison Break returns, The Amazing Race winds down and I have Hugo Chavez figured out
- Nice of Ringo Starr to give back to the city that helped to launch he and the Beatles as a worldwide phenomenon. The Fab Four all hailed from Liverpool, England, and this past week Ringo was back as one of the headliners at a huge outdoor festival kicking off Liverpool's year as a European Capital of Culture. Starr and Eurythmics lead singer Dave Stewart headed up a great slate of artists that included about 600 performers, musical and otherwise. The festival begins a year in which more than 350 activities are planned in Liverpool, part of the port city's attempt to shed its longtime image as a dirty, destitute and crime-ridden blight on the northwest side of England. Along with performing at the festival, Starr will also star (pun intended) in Liverpool, The Musical, a showcase of the city's strong musical heritage that will also feature the Royal Liverpool Philharmonic Orchestra, indie rock favorites Echo and the Bunnymen, The Farm and up-and-coming rockers The Wombats. If only we could get that kind of musical gathering here in the U.S. instead of crap like Lilith Fair with a bunch of whiny chick music and OzzFest, a collection of mohawk-sporting metal-heads who are into Harleys, death metal and slam dancing. Enjoy your year in the spotlight, Liverpool, you deserve it for giving the world the Beatles, if nothing else.
- If people dare to stand up against the government, throw 'em in jail. Sounds like some oppressive, third-world country, no? Well, the truth is that it happened this past week right here in the good ol' U.S. of A. Eighty good, conscientious Americans decided to take their protest against the U.S. military prison at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba to the highest court in the land and for that, they were thrown in jail. The protesters were arrested at the Supreme Court, where an idiotic ordinance prohibits protesting of any kind on court grounds. Why there is no ordinance prohibiting secret torture techniques in foreign prisons by American intelligence personnel, I don't know. You can waterboard a suspect, use other widely condemned torture techniques and get away with it all as W. and his cadre of ass-hatted cronies willingly turn a blind eye to it all, but don't dare protest that same kind of treatment on Supreme Court grounds or it's off to jail you go. Now I'm sure that these eighty demonstrators aren't going to be locked up long and they're not going to be jailed for years or even months, but the principle behind the whole thing sucks. They stood up to an administration that has stepped all over the Constitution and other rules and regulations and done so constantly and consistently throughout its eight years in office, and they get taken to jail for it. Gotta love America....
- I'm on to you, Hugo Chavez. After seeing your act for a while now, I get it. You're an agitator, someone who thrives on pissing people off. You'll do the dumbest things and pretend you're really convicted about what you're doing, but at the core you're just an a-hole who thrives on creating conflict and angering others. The clincher came a couple of days ago when my boy Hugo decided to take the side of the leftist rebel army in an ongoing conflict in the neighboring country of Colombia. Why the Venezuelan president is so involved in a Colombian conflict makes no sense until you realize Hugo is hell bent on pissing off everyone in sight at any cost. On this particular occasion, Hugo is is calling the rebels "true armies" and saying that they should not be categorized as terrorists. The Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia, or FARC. are battling the U.S.-aligned Colombian government, which is probably the real reason Chavez "supports" the rebels. Anything to piss off the Americanos, eh Hugo? Well I'm not biting. I don't believe for a second that you actually support the rebels. You're baiuting us, and although our leader is every bit dumb enough to take the bait, I won't. Support whomever you want, advocate whatever wacky cause you wish, call foreign leaders names and provoke them, I don't care. You're a dictator and you're ruining your own country and oppressing your people, but you're not my leader and so I don't give a damn, loser.
- Finally! FOr once, the jerks lost, the most detestable a-holes were booted off before the end of one of the few reality shows worth watching. All season long the uber-detestable couple of Nate and Jen have made us all feel incredibly awkward as we had a front-row seat for their constant b*tching, fighting and verbal flogging of each other. At least a dozen times each episode, they told one another how much they hated the other one, then at the end of the leg they hugged and said they were so happy to still be in the race. They fought over travel arrangements, challenges, directions, the proper technique for padding a rowboat and much, much more. This week, they took off from Osaka, Japan as the second place team of the four remaining teams in The Amazing Race. In the penultimate episode of this season, Ahead of them were Ron and Cristina (father and daughter), and behind them were Nic and Don (grandson and grandfather) and TK and Rachel (dating couple). The teams first had to find a unique building in Osaka with a hole in the middle of it, then locate a hanging garden many stories off the ground. The first three teams started three hours or so ahead of TK and Rachel, who finished far behind everyone else in the last leg. Unfortunately for those three teams, the hanging gardens didn't open until 10 a.m., allowing TK and Rachel to make up major time. At the airport, the four teams scattered across three different flights to Taipei, with Ron and Cristina surging ahead on an early flight, followed by Nate and Jen as well as Nic and Don fifteen minutes later. TK and Rachel were alone on the third flight, landing about twenty minutes behind. As Ron and Cristina sailed along smoothly thanks to Cristina's knowledge of the Chinese language, the other three teams got caught up going through customs. Along the way, Jen never did figure out how to pronounce Taipei (Tie-Pay), continually calling it Tie-Pie, which only made her b*tchy a** more annoying. I probably would have left her by the side of the road halfway through the first episode, so props to Nate for putting up with her for so long. Once they arrived in Taipei, teams made their way to the town of Jiji, where they rode along with professional stuntmen in a jeep that balanced on a rolling platform twenty or so feet in the air, then rode in a second jeep that drove underwater for 17 seconds. After that, they received their next clue. Ron and Cristina breezed through and headed back to Taipei to find the GK Tea Garden to drink cups of tea, at the bottom of which were their next clue. TK and Rachel, having fought all the way back from last place into second place, finished the challenge but then had to do a Speed Bump, a penalty task that only they had to perform because of their last-place finish in the previous leg. Their extra challenge was to take part in a local festival where they donned protective suits and masks, then sprinted through a maze of fireworks being shot off all around (and at) them, then get doused with water. After that, they returned to the Jeep challenge to get their clue. During that time, both Nate and Jen and Don and Nic passed them by, but all three teams bunched up again at the train station as they waited for a bullet train back to downtown Taipei. Jen took the opportunity to make herself look like even more of a b*tch, whining about how unfair it was that TK and Rachel had caught up to them again because she felt that she and Nate were trying harder than TK and Rachel. As TK astutely pointed out when Nick and Don relayed her complaints, she felt that way because unlike Nate and Jen, TK and Rachel have remained calm during the race, haven't spent 80 percent of every episode treating their partner like crap and acting like spoiled brats with the mouth of a sailor. Back in Taipei, teams got their message from the tea cup and went to find a clown on a unicycle at a nearby all-night market. The clue gave them a choice between two tasks: sending up 20 paper lanterns to the sky propelled by fire inside the lantern or walking 220 feet along a path made of sharp stones at the Youth Park, a local park popular with kids, then turning around and going back down the path to where they started. All four teams elected for the stone walk, with Ron and Cristina going through the challenge smoothly one more time and reaching the pit stop, the Memorial Hall Plaza, in first place. TK and Rachel raced past Nic and Don along the path and reached the pit stop in second place, securing them a spot in the final three for next week's season finale. That left Nic and Don against Nate and Jen for the final spot. CBS tried to used tricky editing, showing the teams struggling to find a taxi who knew where the pit stop was, showing them finding taxis at about the same time, then battling traffic and setting up the ever-dramatic shot of the finish mat at the pit stop as the third-place team approached. Who would it be? Nic and Don, of course, securing that third spot in the finale and sealing Nate and Jen's fate. If you heard a loud cheer and whooping when Nate and Jen finally finished and were officially eliminated from the race, that would have been me. They said the usual things people say when they're eliminated, that they did their best and wanted to win more than anything. Then there was an emotional scene in which they seemed to be saying that they had ruined their relationship by the way they had treated each other during the race, but no definitive conclusion was shown and I think we're supposed ot wonder and care if they ended up breaking up or staying together, but I honestly don't give a rat's a**. Stay together and continue to make one another miserable, fine by me, as long as I no longer have to see it. Break up and go make someone else miserable, also acceptable. Either way, the race ends next week with three great teams racing to the finish for the $1 million prize. Honestly, I'll be happy with any of the three remaining teams winning. Ron and Cristina are likable despite Ron's often thick-heaed ways, mostly because it really does appear like their relationship is changing and improving thanks to the race. You also know that I love America's toughest, crustiest, saltiest 69-year-old Don and Nic seems like a slightly dorky but cool guy, so them winning would also be great. And of course, everyone's favorite mellow, stoner-ish couple, the Bohemian TK and Rachel, have been fun to watch and they bring a nice calm to the race, so them winning would be sweet. Tune in next Sunday night at 8 p.m. to find out who the winner is.....
- One more TV note, since this is a biggie and I don't want anyone missing out. One of television's absolute best shows, Prison Break, returns to the air tomorrow night at 8 p.m. It's been away for a couple of months now and is coming back in the time sl;ot that 24 was supposed to occupy until production delays and Keifer Sutherland's alkie ways put the kibosh on that. So Michael Scofield and his crew are back Monday night, at least for the next five weeks. Thanks to the writers' strike, there are only five new episodes of the show left to air before the producers run out of script and new material. So do your best to put it out of your mind that after these five weeks we're going to be hitting a major wall where there shouldn't be one and probably left with some cliffhangers that were only supposed to last a week but will now last months thanks to the strike and just enjoy these five episodes. Tune in to FOX and see what happens at SONA all the way down in Panama. It'll be intense, it'll be dramatic and it won't disappoint, which is more than you can say for the rest of the TV season at this point.
- If people dare to stand up against the government, throw 'em in jail. Sounds like some oppressive, third-world country, no? Well, the truth is that it happened this past week right here in the good ol' U.S. of A. Eighty good, conscientious Americans decided to take their protest against the U.S. military prison at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba to the highest court in the land and for that, they were thrown in jail. The protesters were arrested at the Supreme Court, where an idiotic ordinance prohibits protesting of any kind on court grounds. Why there is no ordinance prohibiting secret torture techniques in foreign prisons by American intelligence personnel, I don't know. You can waterboard a suspect, use other widely condemned torture techniques and get away with it all as W. and his cadre of ass-hatted cronies willingly turn a blind eye to it all, but don't dare protest that same kind of treatment on Supreme Court grounds or it's off to jail you go. Now I'm sure that these eighty demonstrators aren't going to be locked up long and they're not going to be jailed for years or even months, but the principle behind the whole thing sucks. They stood up to an administration that has stepped all over the Constitution and other rules and regulations and done so constantly and consistently throughout its eight years in office, and they get taken to jail for it. Gotta love America....
- I'm on to you, Hugo Chavez. After seeing your act for a while now, I get it. You're an agitator, someone who thrives on pissing people off. You'll do the dumbest things and pretend you're really convicted about what you're doing, but at the core you're just an a-hole who thrives on creating conflict and angering others. The clincher came a couple of days ago when my boy Hugo decided to take the side of the leftist rebel army in an ongoing conflict in the neighboring country of Colombia. Why the Venezuelan president is so involved in a Colombian conflict makes no sense until you realize Hugo is hell bent on pissing off everyone in sight at any cost. On this particular occasion, Hugo is is calling the rebels "true armies" and saying that they should not be categorized as terrorists. The Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia, or FARC. are battling the U.S.-aligned Colombian government, which is probably the real reason Chavez "supports" the rebels. Anything to piss off the Americanos, eh Hugo? Well I'm not biting. I don't believe for a second that you actually support the rebels. You're baiuting us, and although our leader is every bit dumb enough to take the bait, I won't. Support whomever you want, advocate whatever wacky cause you wish, call foreign leaders names and provoke them, I don't care. You're a dictator and you're ruining your own country and oppressing your people, but you're not my leader and so I don't give a damn, loser.
- Finally! FOr once, the jerks lost, the most detestable a-holes were booted off before the end of one of the few reality shows worth watching. All season long the uber-detestable couple of Nate and Jen have made us all feel incredibly awkward as we had a front-row seat for their constant b*tching, fighting and verbal flogging of each other. At least a dozen times each episode, they told one another how much they hated the other one, then at the end of the leg they hugged and said they were so happy to still be in the race. They fought over travel arrangements, challenges, directions, the proper technique for padding a rowboat and much, much more. This week, they took off from Osaka, Japan as the second place team of the four remaining teams in The Amazing Race. In the penultimate episode of this season, Ahead of them were Ron and Cristina (father and daughter), and behind them were Nic and Don (grandson and grandfather) and TK and Rachel (dating couple). The teams first had to find a unique building in Osaka with a hole in the middle of it, then locate a hanging garden many stories off the ground. The first three teams started three hours or so ahead of TK and Rachel, who finished far behind everyone else in the last leg. Unfortunately for those three teams, the hanging gardens didn't open until 10 a.m., allowing TK and Rachel to make up major time. At the airport, the four teams scattered across three different flights to Taipei, with Ron and Cristina surging ahead on an early flight, followed by Nate and Jen as well as Nic and Don fifteen minutes later. TK and Rachel were alone on the third flight, landing about twenty minutes behind. As Ron and Cristina sailed along smoothly thanks to Cristina's knowledge of the Chinese language, the other three teams got caught up going through customs. Along the way, Jen never did figure out how to pronounce Taipei (Tie-Pay), continually calling it Tie-Pie, which only made her b*tchy a** more annoying. I probably would have left her by the side of the road halfway through the first episode, so props to Nate for putting up with her for so long. Once they arrived in Taipei, teams made their way to the town of Jiji, where they rode along with professional stuntmen in a jeep that balanced on a rolling platform twenty or so feet in the air, then rode in a second jeep that drove underwater for 17 seconds. After that, they received their next clue. Ron and Cristina breezed through and headed back to Taipei to find the GK Tea Garden to drink cups of tea, at the bottom of which were their next clue. TK and Rachel, having fought all the way back from last place into second place, finished the challenge but then had to do a Speed Bump, a penalty task that only they had to perform because of their last-place finish in the previous leg. Their extra challenge was to take part in a local festival where they donned protective suits and masks, then sprinted through a maze of fireworks being shot off all around (and at) them, then get doused with water. After that, they returned to the Jeep challenge to get their clue. During that time, both Nate and Jen and Don and Nic passed them by, but all three teams bunched up again at the train station as they waited for a bullet train back to downtown Taipei. Jen took the opportunity to make herself look like even more of a b*tch, whining about how unfair it was that TK and Rachel had caught up to them again because she felt that she and Nate were trying harder than TK and Rachel. As TK astutely pointed out when Nick and Don relayed her complaints, she felt that way because unlike Nate and Jen, TK and Rachel have remained calm during the race, haven't spent 80 percent of every episode treating their partner like crap and acting like spoiled brats with the mouth of a sailor. Back in Taipei, teams got their message from the tea cup and went to find a clown on a unicycle at a nearby all-night market. The clue gave them a choice between two tasks: sending up 20 paper lanterns to the sky propelled by fire inside the lantern or walking 220 feet along a path made of sharp stones at the Youth Park, a local park popular with kids, then turning around and going back down the path to where they started. All four teams elected for the stone walk, with Ron and Cristina going through the challenge smoothly one more time and reaching the pit stop, the Memorial Hall Plaza, in first place. TK and Rachel raced past Nic and Don along the path and reached the pit stop in second place, securing them a spot in the final three for next week's season finale. That left Nic and Don against Nate and Jen for the final spot. CBS tried to used tricky editing, showing the teams struggling to find a taxi who knew where the pit stop was, showing them finding taxis at about the same time, then battling traffic and setting up the ever-dramatic shot of the finish mat at the pit stop as the third-place team approached. Who would it be? Nic and Don, of course, securing that third spot in the finale and sealing Nate and Jen's fate. If you heard a loud cheer and whooping when Nate and Jen finally finished and were officially eliminated from the race, that would have been me. They said the usual things people say when they're eliminated, that they did their best and wanted to win more than anything. Then there was an emotional scene in which they seemed to be saying that they had ruined their relationship by the way they had treated each other during the race, but no definitive conclusion was shown and I think we're supposed ot wonder and care if they ended up breaking up or staying together, but I honestly don't give a rat's a**. Stay together and continue to make one another miserable, fine by me, as long as I no longer have to see it. Break up and go make someone else miserable, also acceptable. Either way, the race ends next week with three great teams racing to the finish for the $1 million prize. Honestly, I'll be happy with any of the three remaining teams winning. Ron and Cristina are likable despite Ron's often thick-heaed ways, mostly because it really does appear like their relationship is changing and improving thanks to the race. You also know that I love America's toughest, crustiest, saltiest 69-year-old Don and Nic seems like a slightly dorky but cool guy, so them winning would also be great. And of course, everyone's favorite mellow, stoner-ish couple, the Bohemian TK and Rachel, have been fun to watch and they bring a nice calm to the race, so them winning would be sweet. Tune in next Sunday night at 8 p.m. to find out who the winner is.....
- One more TV note, since this is a biggie and I don't want anyone missing out. One of television's absolute best shows, Prison Break, returns to the air tomorrow night at 8 p.m. It's been away for a couple of months now and is coming back in the time sl;ot that 24 was supposed to occupy until production delays and Keifer Sutherland's alkie ways put the kibosh on that. So Michael Scofield and his crew are back Monday night, at least for the next five weeks. Thanks to the writers' strike, there are only five new episodes of the show left to air before the producers run out of script and new material. So do your best to put it out of your mind that after these five weeks we're going to be hitting a major wall where there shouldn't be one and probably left with some cliffhangers that were only supposed to last a week but will now last months thanks to the strike and just enjoy these five episodes. Tune in to FOX and see what happens at SONA all the way down in Panama. It'll be intense, it'll be dramatic and it won't disappoint, which is more than you can say for the rest of the TV season at this point.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Opposing Hank Clinton, creating glowing pigs and NFL draft news
- Of all the things we count on science for, I think all of us can agree that paramount among them is........creating green piglets. What? You disagree? How can you say that? Scientists at Northern Agricultural University in China have created a cloned pig whose organs are genetically engineered to make the animal glow green and that pig has passed that trait to its offspring. Yes, we can now create pigs that glow green, which will really help in providing night-vision pigs to carry with you on camping trips and late-night trips into the jungle. Or maybe you can use them for road crews working late at night on the highway, just give them a few glowing green pigs to light the way and mark their location for motorists. Props to professor Liu Zhonghua and his team of researchers for having this important scientific breakthrough, I'm sure your glowing pigs will be of great value. At least you avoided my biggest beef with scientific studies, that too many of them research blatantly obvious conclusions that everyone with an IQ above 40 already knows. I don't think anyone really knew or cared that it was possible to breed pigs whose genetically engineered organs cause them to glow green......
- You've mastered the art of getting your agent to buy you a vehicle when doing so violated NCAA rules (allegedly) and of getting into late-night fights at bars that end with you being cuffed and led off by the cops, so you must be ready for the NFL, eh Darren McFadden?
McFadden, the University of Arkansas star runner who finished as the Heisman Trophy runner-up in each of the past two seasons, will forego his final season of college eligibility and enter the 2008 NFL draft. Multiple sources said McFadden's father, Graylon McFadden, submitted the necessary paperwork to the NFL office earlier this week. League and team officials, by policy, are precluded from commenting on underclass players who have petitioned for early draft entry until after the deadline for doing so has passed. The deadline is Jan. 15, and the NFL will release a full list of underclass prospects after that. It was widely assumed that McFadden would turn pro, especially after his coach, Houston Nutt, was forced out and noted liar, scumbag and deceiver Bobby Petrino was named head coach.At this point, it's hard to say where individual players rank in the draft because not everyone has declared yet, but many league scouts feel that McFadden could be the most talented prospect in the player pool. Even though he's leaving Arkansas a year early, McFadden still holds the school record for single-season and career rushing yards. He's a three-time All-American and also won the Doak Walker Award as the country's top running back for both 2006 and 2007. Some scouts did note that teams interested in choosing McFadden will investigate an early Thursday incident in which he was briefly handcuffed and then released following a disturbance outside of a Little Rock piano bar that was described by a police spokesperson as "a pretty rowdy scene." Well, it was a piano bar, so maybe he's not exactly NFL-ready yet. You need to be getting into brawls at strip clubs, D., not outside piano bars, that's not big time. But you can work on that, so no worries. No charges have been filed against McFadden. His mother, Mini Muhammad, said that her son was protecting his younger brother, Daryl, in the fracas, which is always a great excuse. The cops will definitely let you off the hook for fighting if you were just defending someone else. As for the whole illegal car dilemma, a local television station in Fayetteville reported that sports agent Mike Conley, a former track and field star, had arranged for McFadden to purchase a Cadillac Escalade. The station subsequently backed off the report, and McFadden termed the story "uncalled for." Sure, bro, whatever you say. I'm sure you found a way to tiptoe around the rules on that one. Conley is not actually certified to represent NFL Players, the NFL Players Association confirmed for ESPN.com on Friday. The players union is the body which accredits agents and Conley, who applied for certification last year, apparently did not meet the requirements. Conley cannot become certified before the draft. Guess you'll have to find someone else to break the rules, er, negotiate your contract for you, Darren.
- If you're at all squeamish, you're going to want to skip over this next story. It's equal parts insanity, revulsion, lunacy and nastiness. It comes to us from Hayden, Idaho, where a very disturbed, unidentified man had a definite break with reality. The man, in his mid-20s, believed he saw "the mark of the beast" on his hand and in a next step that's going to make me throw up here, he used a circular saw to lop off the hand. Seemingly that would be enough, given the fact that he had to be in intense and excruciating pain at this point and that there was undoubtedly blood everywhere. But no, this guy was so crazy that he took the severed hand and proceeded to cook it in the microwave.....excuse me for minute while I go vomit..................ok, I'm back. After cooking the hand in his microwave, the man called 911. He was taken into protective custody in the mental health unit at Kootenai Medical Center. "It (the hand) had been cooked by the time the sheriff's deputy arrived," explained Capt. Ben Wolfinger (ironic name under the circumstances). "He got a tourniquet on his arm before, so he didn't bleed to death. That kind of mental illness is just sad." Yeah, I have to agree with that. I really can't add much there, because it's heartbreaking that someone is so mentally ill that they would do that to themselves. It's scary to know that there are people like that out there in the world, walking amongst us, as well. A hospital spokesman would not say whether any attempt was made to reattach the hand, but here's hoping it was, and also that this troubled young man will get all the help he needs.
-Props to Rachel Bilson if she sticks to her word when it comes to doing nude scenes in movies. In the February issue of Playboy, where she appears in a Q&A segment - no, not T&A, I said Q&A, the actress talks about a variety of topics, one of which is whether she would ever agreed to appear nude in a movie. "I'm pretty strong willed and believe it can be avoided," she stated. "I don't really want it." She also discussed things she's afraid of, which used to include pigeons. Umm, ok....bizarre. What did pigeons ever do to you, Rachel? But thankfully, you PETA freaks can back off, because Bilson says she's over her fear of pigeons and now has moved on to a new phobia, something that is truly disgusting and revolting, something I'm right there with her in despising: mushrooms. Yes, those slimy, nasty, disgusting little buggers people like to throw in salads, pasta sauce, etc. Good call on that one, Rach. Mushrooms are just flat-out evil, period. And no, Summer Roberts fans, Bilson isn't in any sort of revealing pictorial in the magazine, so if you want to catch her in the February edition, it really will have to be for the article.
- Welcome aboard, John Kerry. The 2004 Democratic presidential candidate has thrown his support behind Barack Obama, and as someone who is vigilantly opposed to the potential terror that would be a presidential reign for Sen. Hank Clinton, I could not be more thrilled. Kerry could have endorsed his running mate from 2004, Former Sen. John Edwards of North Carolina,but clearly Edwards is an also-ran in this contest and Obama is the only Democrat with a legitimate chance to save us from Hank's reign of terror. "Martin Luther King said the time is always right to do what is right," said Kerry. ""Now is the time to declare that Barack Obama can be, will be and should be the next president of the United States." I'll settle for winning the Democratic nomination over Hank, but you're thinking being and I like that, J. Kerry. Anyone who wants to put their weight behind Obama and against Hank Clinton will be welcomed with open arms by me. Even Edwards released a statement saying he respects Kerry's decision, which is good because we all need to pitch in for this battle against Hank. That dude scares the crap out of me and I don't want to imagine what Hank would do if elected.Oprah is on board with Barack, John Kerry is an unless you want to see a serious run at W. for the worst presidency in the history of the world, I suggest all of you get behind Obama as well.
- You've mastered the art of getting your agent to buy you a vehicle when doing so violated NCAA rules (allegedly) and of getting into late-night fights at bars that end with you being cuffed and led off by the cops, so you must be ready for the NFL, eh Darren McFadden?
McFadden, the University of Arkansas star runner who finished as the Heisman Trophy runner-up in each of the past two seasons, will forego his final season of college eligibility and enter the 2008 NFL draft. Multiple sources said McFadden's father, Graylon McFadden, submitted the necessary paperwork to the NFL office earlier this week. League and team officials, by policy, are precluded from commenting on underclass players who have petitioned for early draft entry until after the deadline for doing so has passed. The deadline is Jan. 15, and the NFL will release a full list of underclass prospects after that. It was widely assumed that McFadden would turn pro, especially after his coach, Houston Nutt, was forced out and noted liar, scumbag and deceiver Bobby Petrino was named head coach.At this point, it's hard to say where individual players rank in the draft because not everyone has declared yet, but many league scouts feel that McFadden could be the most talented prospect in the player pool. Even though he's leaving Arkansas a year early, McFadden still holds the school record for single-season and career rushing yards. He's a three-time All-American and also won the Doak Walker Award as the country's top running back for both 2006 and 2007. Some scouts did note that teams interested in choosing McFadden will investigate an early Thursday incident in which he was briefly handcuffed and then released following a disturbance outside of a Little Rock piano bar that was described by a police spokesperson as "a pretty rowdy scene." Well, it was a piano bar, so maybe he's not exactly NFL-ready yet. You need to be getting into brawls at strip clubs, D., not outside piano bars, that's not big time. But you can work on that, so no worries. No charges have been filed against McFadden. His mother, Mini Muhammad, said that her son was protecting his younger brother, Daryl, in the fracas, which is always a great excuse. The cops will definitely let you off the hook for fighting if you were just defending someone else. As for the whole illegal car dilemma, a local television station in Fayetteville reported that sports agent Mike Conley, a former track and field star, had arranged for McFadden to purchase a Cadillac Escalade. The station subsequently backed off the report, and McFadden termed the story "uncalled for." Sure, bro, whatever you say. I'm sure you found a way to tiptoe around the rules on that one. Conley is not actually certified to represent NFL Players, the NFL Players Association confirmed for ESPN.com on Friday. The players union is the body which accredits agents and Conley, who applied for certification last year, apparently did not meet the requirements. Conley cannot become certified before the draft. Guess you'll have to find someone else to break the rules, er, negotiate your contract for you, Darren.
- If you're at all squeamish, you're going to want to skip over this next story. It's equal parts insanity, revulsion, lunacy and nastiness. It comes to us from Hayden, Idaho, where a very disturbed, unidentified man had a definite break with reality. The man, in his mid-20s, believed he saw "the mark of the beast" on his hand and in a next step that's going to make me throw up here, he used a circular saw to lop off the hand. Seemingly that would be enough, given the fact that he had to be in intense and excruciating pain at this point and that there was undoubtedly blood everywhere. But no, this guy was so crazy that he took the severed hand and proceeded to cook it in the microwave.....excuse me for minute while I go vomit..................ok, I'm back. After cooking the hand in his microwave, the man called 911. He was taken into protective custody in the mental health unit at Kootenai Medical Center. "It (the hand) had been cooked by the time the sheriff's deputy arrived," explained Capt. Ben Wolfinger (ironic name under the circumstances). "He got a tourniquet on his arm before, so he didn't bleed to death. That kind of mental illness is just sad." Yeah, I have to agree with that. I really can't add much there, because it's heartbreaking that someone is so mentally ill that they would do that to themselves. It's scary to know that there are people like that out there in the world, walking amongst us, as well. A hospital spokesman would not say whether any attempt was made to reattach the hand, but here's hoping it was, and also that this troubled young man will get all the help he needs.
-Props to Rachel Bilson if she sticks to her word when it comes to doing nude scenes in movies. In the February issue of Playboy, where she appears in a Q&A segment - no, not T&A, I said Q&A, the actress talks about a variety of topics, one of which is whether she would ever agreed to appear nude in a movie. "I'm pretty strong willed and believe it can be avoided," she stated. "I don't really want it." She also discussed things she's afraid of, which used to include pigeons. Umm, ok....bizarre. What did pigeons ever do to you, Rachel? But thankfully, you PETA freaks can back off, because Bilson says she's over her fear of pigeons and now has moved on to a new phobia, something that is truly disgusting and revolting, something I'm right there with her in despising: mushrooms. Yes, those slimy, nasty, disgusting little buggers people like to throw in salads, pasta sauce, etc. Good call on that one, Rach. Mushrooms are just flat-out evil, period. And no, Summer Roberts fans, Bilson isn't in any sort of revealing pictorial in the magazine, so if you want to catch her in the February edition, it really will have to be for the article.
- Welcome aboard, John Kerry. The 2004 Democratic presidential candidate has thrown his support behind Barack Obama, and as someone who is vigilantly opposed to the potential terror that would be a presidential reign for Sen. Hank Clinton, I could not be more thrilled. Kerry could have endorsed his running mate from 2004, Former Sen. John Edwards of North Carolina,but clearly Edwards is an also-ran in this contest and Obama is the only Democrat with a legitimate chance to save us from Hank's reign of terror. "Martin Luther King said the time is always right to do what is right," said Kerry. ""Now is the time to declare that Barack Obama can be, will be and should be the next president of the United States." I'll settle for winning the Democratic nomination over Hank, but you're thinking being and I like that, J. Kerry. Anyone who wants to put their weight behind Obama and against Hank Clinton will be welcomed with open arms by me. Even Edwards released a statement saying he respects Kerry's decision, which is good because we all need to pitch in for this battle against Hank. That dude scares the crap out of me and I don't want to imagine what Hank would do if elected.Oprah is on board with Barack, John Kerry is an unless you want to see a serious run at W. for the worst presidency in the history of the world, I suggest all of you get behind Obama as well.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Poking a sleeping bear, the Juice in jail and dumb art thieves
- Today was not a good day for former star athletes and the law. Let's begin our tales of woe with the same thing that pops into everyone's mind when you hear the words "athlete" and "jail" in the same sentence: O.J. Simpson. Yes, the Juice has run....afoul of the law again. Simpson is in jail, accused of violating terms of his bail in an armed robbery case, after a bondsman told authorities the former football star tried to get him to pass a message to a co-defendant. First, I'd like to make a plea to the prosecutor in this case. Can't you just leave the guy alone, it's not like he killed anybody....this time, anyhow. Simpson has a 9 a.m. court hearing on Wednesday, when prosecutors plan to request that Simpson's bail be revoked and he be kept in jail until the trial in April. The Juice arrived in Las Vegas on Friday on a flight from Florida with his North Las Vegas-based bail bondsman, Miguel Pereira. He was taken in handcuffs by a police escort to the Clark County Detention Center. Pereira, of You Ring We Spring, said he was unhappy because he had not been paid for handling Simpson's bail. Pereira added he gave prosecutors the message Simpson wanted him to take to a co-defendant because he didn't want to face criminal charges. "He left a message instructing me to do something violating a court order," the bondsman told The Associated Press after escorting Simpson from his home in Miami. "I don't want to get involved in such a dilemma or a criminal act." Simpson's attorney denied the allegations. Of course the Juice denied the allegations - the man is freaking bulletproof. He;s made some kind of deal with the devil and can get away with murder, literally. His attorney, Yale Galanter, offered this convincing explanation for his client's situation. "O.J. did not try to persuade anybody to contact a witness," Galanter told The Associated Press.The prosecution isn't buying that story, with District Attorney David Roger alleging in a motion filed with the court that the tape-recorded message Simpson left for Pereira on Nov. 16 was an effort to contact co-defendant Clarence "C.J." Stewart, which violated a court order. "I just want, want C.J. to know that ... I'm tired of this [expletive]," Simpson is quoted in the documents as saying on the taped message. "Fed up with [expletives] changing what they told me. All right?" Maybe this is just me, but if the Juice tells me he's fed up with something, I'm not asking questions. Whatever he wants, I'm going to comply, lest he turn me into a human Pez dispenser like his ex-wife (allegedly). Pereira confirmed that Simpson left the message, in which he expressed frustration at testimony during a three-day preliminary hearing in November. Pereira believes the message was discovered by someone tapping Simpson's phone. A Las Vegas police transcript of the message, which is attached to Roger's motion, is titled, "surreptitious recording. "Simpson had been instructed by Las Vegas Justice of the Peace Joe M. Bonaventure in September not to have any contact with anyone involved in the case -- not even by "carrier pigeon." Carrier pigeon? No. Large, lethal knife? That's more the Juice's chosen method of communication, Your Honor. Roger's motion alleges Simpson "committed new crimes," without elaborating. Galanter said he believed the "new crimes" referred to allegations of witness tampering. He called Pereira a member of Simpson's defense team, and said he was "totally miffed" by the effort to use a tape of a permissible phone call to try to revoke Simpson's bail. "He was clearly voicing frustration to a member of the defense team who had been providing security, transportation and investigation services," Galanter said. Pereira said he provided security and transportation, and that Simpson stayed at his home during the preliminary hearing. But he said he and his business, You Ring We Spring bail bonds, were not part of Simpson's legal team. Great name, loser. Who doesn't love a cutesy name for their bail bondsman? No one enjoys a good laugh at a funny name more than an accused criminal. "I'm a separate entity," Pereira said. "Whenever they go into their attorney-client thing, I step out of the room. I'm not an investigator, nor am I hired or paid by their defense team." Pereira said he was upset that Simpson never paid him the $18,750 he was due for posting Simpson's bail. Let it go, Miguel, let it go. If the Juice doesn't want to pay you, don't push it. Would you rather have that $18,750 and end up dead or live and be without it? Be smart, my man. "I'm in the bag for plane tickets, car rental down in Florida, even the $40 filing fee at the jail," he said. Again, do you want to live or die, Miguel? Let it go. Three other former co-defendants in the burglary case, Walter Alexander, Michael McClinton and Charles Cashmore, agreed to plea deals and testified against Simpson at the evidentiary hearing. If I'm those guys, I'm asking for protective custody 24/7 as part of my deal, with that protection extending for the rest of my life. Clearly the Juice, even at age 60, is still a bad dude and the worst guy ever. He will literally kill to even the score, so let's just hope he ends up in the place he should have been since, oh, about 1994......jail.
- Marion Jones and that ginormous gap between her front teeth didn't have a good day, legally speaking, either. Jones had her sentencing hearing today after pleading guilty to lying to investigators about using performance-enhancing drugs and her role in a check-fraud scam., and despite her lawyers and prosecutors not expecting or pushing for prison time, she received a six-month sentence. "I ask you to be as merciful as a human being can be," she implored the judge. Umm, sorry Marion, but when you took part in that check-fraud scam, injected yourself with those 'roids and cheted in meet after meet, you kind of forfeited that right to mercy. Lying to the feds didn't help your case either. Law enforcement tends to be funny about that; you lie to them, they get pissed for some odd reason. Jones, once the premier female sprinter in the world, has been "put through humiliation with great fanfare," said U.S. District Judge Kenneth Karas, who sentenced her. He said Jones damaged two federal investigations with lies that came years apart, so "I don't think the criminal conduct can be written off as a momentary lapse of judgment or a one-time mistake, but instead a repetition of an attempt to break the law." Yeah, you could say that. Lying to the feds isn't exactly an oops, I jaywalked or ran a red light sort of thing, is it? The check-fraud scheme was a major crime and the wide use of steroids "affects the integrity of athletic competition," he said. If Jones had told the truth from the start, he said, it would have been a great help to the ongoing BALCO investigation. Isn't it amazing how no athlete caught up in this BALCO mess seems to be able to tell the truth? Weird. Going down along with Jones was her former coach, Olympic champion Steve Riddick, who was sentenced to 5 years and 3 months in prison for his role in the check-fraud scam. Riddick also was given three years' probation and must pay back $375,000. Jones pleaded with the judge not to separate her from her sons "even for a short period of time," saying she was still nursing the younger one. Although she is happily married now to Olympic sprinter Obadele Thompson after being married to confirmed 'roid user and Olympic shot-putter C.J. Hunter and dating another confirmed 'roider, Tim montgomery, she said she knew from experience the problems of bringing up children in a one-parent household. Karas acknowledged the children were victims, but said criminals "have to realize the consequences of their actions on others." In other words, it's not the court's problem that you're a criminal and have to go to jail, it's your fault, M. "We wouldn't be here today talking about the possibility of incarceration if Ms. Jones-Thompson had told the truth," the jude said. A prison sentence, he said, might make others "think twice before lying. It might make them realize that no one is above the obligation to tell the truth." The judge said he stayed within the six-month maximum suggested by prosecutors because of Jones' sons, her eventual acceptance of responsibility and the good she "can do to debunk the worldwide lie" perpetrated by performance-enhancing drugs. He also told her that 400 hours of community service in each of the two years following her release would "take advantage of Ms. Jones-Thompson's eloquence, strength and her ability to work with kids." He suggested she teach children that "it's wrong to cheat and to lie about the cheating." Karas sentenced Jones to six months on the steroids case and two months on the check fraud case but said the sentences could be served at the same time. He imposed no fine, he said, because Jones can't afford to pay one. In case you hadn't heard that part of the story, a few months ago it came out that Jones has about $2,000 to her name, which would make her sympathetic if you weren't a lying, cheating criminal. After long denying she ever had used performance-enhancing drugs, Jones admitted last October she lied to federal investigators in November 2003, acknowledging she took the designer steroid "the clear" from September 2000 to July 2001. "The clear" has been linked to the Bay Area Laboratory Co-Operative, the lab at the center of the steroids scandal in professional sports. Use your prison time to clean up your act, Marion, and when you come out, try to figure out what life holds for a disgraced former Olympian whose entire career is a sham.
- Since I do such a good job of alerting you to albums to avoid, I figure from time to tiem that I should also point out albums that you want to make sure you listen to and illegally burn copies of, er, buy. One such album comes from a great band from my hometown, the Black Keys, Their garage band, two-man rock outfit has already produced four great albums (Chulahoma, Magic Potion, Thickfreakness and Rubber Factory) and earned them a loyal, devoted follwing among rock fans, and now the duo of Dan Auerbach and Patrick Carney are finally back with a new album. Attack & Release will drop on Tuesday, April 1, and no, this is no April Fool's joke. The album is produced by Danger Mouse of alt-hip-hop act Gnarls Barkley and is the first one the band has produced in an official, standard studio setting. Their previous albums have been recorded in their own digs, which I think helped contribute to the raw, genuine sound of the group. Hopefully going into this new setting won't take away from that, although I don't suspect that it will.
- Simple crimes carried out by simple criminals invariably lead to arrests. Last month, two crooks with little more than a crowbar and a car jack were able to steal millions of dollars in paintings from the Sao Paulo Museum of Art in a matter of minutes. They made a clean getaway but clearly they didn't have a good plan for moving the paintings once they had them, because the two masterminds have been arrested with the paintings in their possession. The art, including works by Pablo Picasso and Candido Portinari, were found along with the thieves not far from where they were stolen. Memo to these two ass hats: When you steal valuable works of art, it's best not to hang around the same city you stole them from. Before you thieve them, you need to have a plan on what to do with them once you steal them, because otherwise you end up right where you are now, in jail and no better off for your effort. If you actually were smart enough to have a plan, you could have moved the art, made millions and been far, far away from Sao Paulo by now. I know I haven't gotten around to finalizing the details from my seminar to help aspiring criminals because you all aren't too bright, but this is a lesson you should know even without my help.
- I often feel the need to step in and head off disasters when I see them start to develop, so I'm going to issue a caution to officials at Folsom State Prison in California. Those officials have pulled the plug on a concert scheduled to take place at the prison to honor the 40th anniversary of legendary singer Johnny Cash's concert at the facility. Cash, who passed away in 2003, performed before Folsom's inmates on Jan. 13, 1968. He had a heart for the inmates and their problems, having seen his own share of trouble in his life. "Johnny was wild at heart, just like these men," said Joe Avila, the executive director of Prison Fellowship Ministries. "But just like him, they can change. They can walk the line." The prison and concert promoter are blaming each other for the cancellation of the show. Prison officials cited problems with media access, filming rights and general security concerns. The original Folsom concert became a legendary live album, but there will be no chance for a redux. Four nonprofit groups were to have underwritten the cost of the show and shared its profits. Instead, a possibility memorable show has been cancelled and I have to say, this could turn ugly. I do hate to butt in here, but pissing off prison inmates is one of the last things you want to do. You had a bunch of guys locked up for varying amounts of time, some bad dudes with lots of pent up anger and the potential to inflict a lot of pain and you're going and ripping a free concert from them? I'm sure all of the guards at the prison are thrilled about this. Way to poke the sleeping bear with a stick, Folsom Prison officials.
- Marion Jones and that ginormous gap between her front teeth didn't have a good day, legally speaking, either. Jones had her sentencing hearing today after pleading guilty to lying to investigators about using performance-enhancing drugs and her role in a check-fraud scam., and despite her lawyers and prosecutors not expecting or pushing for prison time, she received a six-month sentence. "I ask you to be as merciful as a human being can be," she implored the judge. Umm, sorry Marion, but when you took part in that check-fraud scam, injected yourself with those 'roids and cheted in meet after meet, you kind of forfeited that right to mercy. Lying to the feds didn't help your case either. Law enforcement tends to be funny about that; you lie to them, they get pissed for some odd reason. Jones, once the premier female sprinter in the world, has been "put through humiliation with great fanfare," said U.S. District Judge Kenneth Karas, who sentenced her. He said Jones damaged two federal investigations with lies that came years apart, so "I don't think the criminal conduct can be written off as a momentary lapse of judgment or a one-time mistake, but instead a repetition of an attempt to break the law." Yeah, you could say that. Lying to the feds isn't exactly an oops, I jaywalked or ran a red light sort of thing, is it? The check-fraud scheme was a major crime and the wide use of steroids "affects the integrity of athletic competition," he said. If Jones had told the truth from the start, he said, it would have been a great help to the ongoing BALCO investigation. Isn't it amazing how no athlete caught up in this BALCO mess seems to be able to tell the truth? Weird. Going down along with Jones was her former coach, Olympic champion Steve Riddick, who was sentenced to 5 years and 3 months in prison for his role in the check-fraud scam. Riddick also was given three years' probation and must pay back $375,000. Jones pleaded with the judge not to separate her from her sons "even for a short period of time," saying she was still nursing the younger one. Although she is happily married now to Olympic sprinter Obadele Thompson after being married to confirmed 'roid user and Olympic shot-putter C.J. Hunter and dating another confirmed 'roider, Tim montgomery, she said she knew from experience the problems of bringing up children in a one-parent household. Karas acknowledged the children were victims, but said criminals "have to realize the consequences of their actions on others." In other words, it's not the court's problem that you're a criminal and have to go to jail, it's your fault, M. "We wouldn't be here today talking about the possibility of incarceration if Ms. Jones-Thompson had told the truth," the jude said. A prison sentence, he said, might make others "think twice before lying. It might make them realize that no one is above the obligation to tell the truth." The judge said he stayed within the six-month maximum suggested by prosecutors because of Jones' sons, her eventual acceptance of responsibility and the good she "can do to debunk the worldwide lie" perpetrated by performance-enhancing drugs. He also told her that 400 hours of community service in each of the two years following her release would "take advantage of Ms. Jones-Thompson's eloquence, strength and her ability to work with kids." He suggested she teach children that "it's wrong to cheat and to lie about the cheating." Karas sentenced Jones to six months on the steroids case and two months on the check fraud case but said the sentences could be served at the same time. He imposed no fine, he said, because Jones can't afford to pay one. In case you hadn't heard that part of the story, a few months ago it came out that Jones has about $2,000 to her name, which would make her sympathetic if you weren't a lying, cheating criminal. After long denying she ever had used performance-enhancing drugs, Jones admitted last October she lied to federal investigators in November 2003, acknowledging she took the designer steroid "the clear" from September 2000 to July 2001. "The clear" has been linked to the Bay Area Laboratory Co-Operative, the lab at the center of the steroids scandal in professional sports. Use your prison time to clean up your act, Marion, and when you come out, try to figure out what life holds for a disgraced former Olympian whose entire career is a sham.
- Since I do such a good job of alerting you to albums to avoid, I figure from time to tiem that I should also point out albums that you want to make sure you listen to and illegally burn copies of, er, buy. One such album comes from a great band from my hometown, the Black Keys, Their garage band, two-man rock outfit has already produced four great albums (Chulahoma, Magic Potion, Thickfreakness and Rubber Factory) and earned them a loyal, devoted follwing among rock fans, and now the duo of Dan Auerbach and Patrick Carney are finally back with a new album. Attack & Release will drop on Tuesday, April 1, and no, this is no April Fool's joke. The album is produced by Danger Mouse of alt-hip-hop act Gnarls Barkley and is the first one the band has produced in an official, standard studio setting. Their previous albums have been recorded in their own digs, which I think helped contribute to the raw, genuine sound of the group. Hopefully going into this new setting won't take away from that, although I don't suspect that it will.
- Simple crimes carried out by simple criminals invariably lead to arrests. Last month, two crooks with little more than a crowbar and a car jack were able to steal millions of dollars in paintings from the Sao Paulo Museum of Art in a matter of minutes. They made a clean getaway but clearly they didn't have a good plan for moving the paintings once they had them, because the two masterminds have been arrested with the paintings in their possession. The art, including works by Pablo Picasso and Candido Portinari, were found along with the thieves not far from where they were stolen. Memo to these two ass hats: When you steal valuable works of art, it's best not to hang around the same city you stole them from. Before you thieve them, you need to have a plan on what to do with them once you steal them, because otherwise you end up right where you are now, in jail and no better off for your effort. If you actually were smart enough to have a plan, you could have moved the art, made millions and been far, far away from Sao Paulo by now. I know I haven't gotten around to finalizing the details from my seminar to help aspiring criminals because you all aren't too bright, but this is a lesson you should know even without my help.
- I often feel the need to step in and head off disasters when I see them start to develop, so I'm going to issue a caution to officials at Folsom State Prison in California. Those officials have pulled the plug on a concert scheduled to take place at the prison to honor the 40th anniversary of legendary singer Johnny Cash's concert at the facility. Cash, who passed away in 2003, performed before Folsom's inmates on Jan. 13, 1968. He had a heart for the inmates and their problems, having seen his own share of trouble in his life. "Johnny was wild at heart, just like these men," said Joe Avila, the executive director of Prison Fellowship Ministries. "But just like him, they can change. They can walk the line." The prison and concert promoter are blaming each other for the cancellation of the show. Prison officials cited problems with media access, filming rights and general security concerns. The original Folsom concert became a legendary live album, but there will be no chance for a redux. Four nonprofit groups were to have underwritten the cost of the show and shared its profits. Instead, a possibility memorable show has been cancelled and I have to say, this could turn ugly. I do hate to butt in here, but pissing off prison inmates is one of the last things you want to do. You had a bunch of guys locked up for varying amounts of time, some bad dudes with lots of pent up anger and the potential to inflict a lot of pain and you're going and ripping a free concert from them? I'm sure all of the guards at the prison are thrilled about this. Way to poke the sleeping bear with a stick, Folsom Prison officials.
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