- Because #Florida. The Sunshine State is where a man can come
home to find something surprising - or something that would be surprising if he
lived in any other state. Instead, when Warren Woodard of Longwood, Florida spotted
a black bear at his doorstep, it was just another day in the life of America’s
wackiest state. Woodard initially thought the animal was snoozing or hurt after
he met his wife at the garage and she told him that there was a snoozing bear
lying at the door. He initially didn't believe her in the same way so many
long-married men think their wife is lying about a large, furry killing machine
napping it out near their home, but saw the bear through the front door.
Woodard did what anyone living in 2017 would do, namely snap photos with his
smartphone before using said phone to call 911. Police responded to the scene
and according to this photo-loving homeowner, a second officer who showed up
somehow startled the bear because the animal jumped up and ran off. Thr working
theory at the Woodard homestead is that the bear may have been attempting to
avoid rainy weather and perhaps sleeping near the house provided some shelter
from the precipitation. Either that or the bear realized his chance of running
into many of Florida’s bat-sh*t insane residents was significantly lower if he
simply stayed close to the door of just one of their places of residence…….
- Dear Los Angeles Clippers power forwards…please stop
trying to smash people’s faces in with your fists. Maybe new Clippers forward
Danilo Gallinari saw the example current star forward Blake Griffin set when
Griffin punched a team equipment manager in a fight outside a restaurant,
breaking his hand in the process and missing several weeks of action. Gallinari,
who signed a four-year, $65 million deal with the Clippers in July, moving from
the Denver Nuggets in a sign-and-trade agreement, hasn’t even suited up for one
of the NBA’s most perennially disappointing teams and already, he’s living up
to the Clippers’ tradition of letting people down. The Italian forward suffered
a right thumb injury when he landed a punch in a European exhibition game for Italy
and though the injury isn't expected to require surgery, Gallinari will miss
the Eurobasket tournament. The good news is that he’s expected to be fully
recovered for the start of Clippers training camp in September and Clippers
doctors are planning to examine the injury soon, but the current prognosis is for
a month of rest and rehabilitation on the thumb. Oh, and the other good news is
that Gallinari slugged the Netherlands' Jito Kok - whoever the
hell he is - in a scuffle, causing the injury that sent him to a local hospital,
so he proved he’s tough, or that he’s a short-sighted moron…….
- How magnanimous of you, Morocco's King Mohammed VI. The
African monarch has pardoned some people jailed during a protest movement that
has affected an impoverished northern region for months. In announcing his
decision, the king denounced politicians and public officials for their
"unprecedented irresponsibility." During a speech, King Mo explained that
he granted early releases and reduced sentences to 1,178 inmates and other
convicts, including an undisclosed number of protesters detained during
unauthorized demonstrations in the El Hoceima region and other parts of the
country. According to the government’s official mouthpiece/news agency, Mo VI criticized
some officials for displaying an "unacceptable attitude" during the
protests that have turned into a major grassroots movement, one that was
sparked by the death of a fish vendor who was crushed by a garbage compactor
while trying to save fish that officials had confiscated in October. It was one
of the few revolutions in world history that originated on the strength of
scaly sea dwellers and those who sell them on the street, but as this act by
the king illustrates, an uprising is an uprising no matter whether it’s about
fish, tea, freedom or music. That doesn’t mean Morocco is any less of a
restrictive place to live, of course, but at least it proves that the king will
excuse some revolts as long as they don’t have any chance of even remotely
affecting his ironclad grip on power in the country……
- Well, it’s better than being revealed as one of White
Bread Mitt Romney’s favorite bands. That was tough for Las Vegas natives The
Killers to live down, so maybe the band that Brandon Flowers built revealing that
they have held secret jam sessions with Prince Harry for over a decade is their
attempt to make everyone forget about being loved by an extremely square, über-conservative
Republican presidential candidate. Killers drummer Ronnie Vanucci Jr. revealed
that the prince, who was recently spotted taking in the band’s British
Summertime gig, first met up with them after attending a show more than 10
years ago. “He just showed up at a show one time and we got along. I mean, it’s
been ten years I guess. There’s been a lot of long nights,” Vanucci said. He
noted that some of the prince’s cousins have also come to hang with the band
and admitted that he and his bandmates didn’t really know to much about royal
protocol. “It’s safe to say we didn’t grow up with the sort of bedazzlement of
having a Royal Family or anything, so I wasn’t educated in what it means to
know these people first,” Vanucci added. “Maybe that’s what made things cool.
It was just like, ‘Hey, man.’” That’s cool, but if it ever comes out that
Romney so much as showed up backstage and banged a tambourine once while a
single member of The Killers was in attendance, then all of the cool factor
from Prince Harry is gone in a heartbeat and it ain’t ever coming back…….
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