- Boy, this is a rarity. Normally you don’t have to hold teenagers at gunpoint in order to get them to smoke pot and have sex. Yet that’s exactly what three gunmen in Salemburg, N.C. were charged with after their arrest Tuesday. The three men also allegedly fired four shots into the floor of the home where they took the teens hostage. Again I have to ask, what kind of accomplishment is there in forcing teens to do something that most of them probably already do anyhow? That’s like pointing a gun at Lindsay Lohan and “forcing” her to have a drink or eight, or maybe point a 9mm at Paris Hilton and demanding that she have sex with the nearest available dude. Not that I advocate taking hostages for no reason and point guns at them (it’s OK for O.J., he’s already headed straight for eternal damnation, so anything he does from here on out can’t make matters worse for him, but the rest of you find another way to settle your disputes), but statistics show that most people both smoke weed and have sex before they turn 18, so exactly what do you get out of making them do those things. If it’s a thrill for you to make other people have sex and watch, then you’re just a sick perv. What high (pun intended) you get from making them smoke the hippie lettuce, I don’t know. Hope your few minutes of enjoyment is worth the time you’re going to spend in the hole, losers.
- Can anyone explain to me why I should waste $100 to buy the sixth season of The Sopranos on DVD? This isn't just because I don’t like the show and have never understood its appeal; I simply find it offensive that HBO Video would try to blatantly rip off people by charging them twice (or three times) as much for a season of this show on DVD as it would cost for a single season of superior shows like Lost, Prison Break or Gilmore Girls. I suppose I just have to hunker down and endure this last wave of Sopranos hysteria, because the show is now officially over and the awards it won at the Oscars Sunday night will be its last, along with the knowledge that the release of the show on DVD will end soon now that the series has ended. Gosh, this has to be the most overhyped show in the history of television, narrowly edging out the desperate-middle-aged-woman favorite Sex and the City.
- I would buy the O.J. Simpson book If I Did It: Confessions of a Killer, but I’m holding out. For what, you ask? Clearly, I am waiting for Simpson’s next book, If I Burglarized a Hotel Room and Stole Back My Memorabilia at Gunpoint, Here’s How It Happened. We all know the facs of how the Juice (allegedly) murdered his wife and her friend, but who doesn’t want to hear behind-the-scenes details of O.J. putting together his personal swat team at a wedding reception and setting up a sting in a Vegas hotel room where he and his crew conducted their very own commando-style raid? The first 200,000 copies of O.J.’s how-to murder book may be selling in rapid-fire fashion, necessitating the printing of 50,000 more copies, but I’d much rather hear about the ill-fated plot that has resulted in 11 criminal charges against the Juice, including 10 felonies. Also, I want the inside scoop on who was idiotic enough to decide that publicly alleging that O.J. is being set up and railroaded in this case as some sort of sinister legal payback for his getting over on the murder charges against him back in 1994. Simpson’s lawyer floated that idea out there, and it ranks near the top of the most laughable developments in this case thus far. You do have to love the irony, that Simpson could brutally murder two people (allegedly, probably, almost certainly) and get away with it, but he breaks in to a hotel room and steals some sports memorabilia and he could end up spending the rest of his life in jail for it because one of the knuckleheads in his posse was packing heat. Great plan, Juice, you’re the best. Now beat these charges and stay a free man because only you can find the real killers…..
- I actually was feeling generous with my TV time tonight and gave one of the CW’s new shows, Gossip Girl, a try. After one episode, I can honestly say I was neither impressed nor disappointed. The show was exactly what the promos portrayed it as, no more, no less. It was a so-so hour of television, a bunch of spoiled rich kids in Manhattan, drinking, partying and with all the normal drama of high school. The format of a narrator guiding the whole show all hour long took some getting used to. It helped that the narrator was one of my fave actresses, Kristin Bell (Veronica Mars, we miss you!). On a side note, Bell will also be appearing this season on Heroes, further cementing her role at the top of my list of awesome actresses. (She also had a chance to be on Lost but decided against it. Man, is this girl in demand.) I didn’t see enough from Gossip Girl to want to commit to watching it every week, but next Wednesday night if I’m in front of the TV and there’s nothing else of note on, I might give it another shot…..
- Nobody dislikes Terrell Owens more than I do, but even I don’t have a problem with T.O.’s antics following his touchdown reception in Sunday’s game against Miami. In case you missed it, T.O. caught a touchdown pass in the fourth quarter and sprinted through the end zone to a spot just beside/slightly behind the goal post. From there, he held the football up in front of him like an old movie camera and used his off hand to turn an imaginary crank, as operators of those old movie cameras had to do. Owens aimed his “camera” at the sideline, clearly making light of the recent controversy involving the New England Patriots blatantly cheating by filming the signals given by opposing coaches. The NFL fun police clearly were not down with T.O.’s act, because they fined him a crisp $7,500 for the celebration. I won't beat around the bush on this one – this fine is a total load of crap. The ruling by the NFL says that you can’t use the ball or other props in the end zone to do a touchdown celebration, because as we all know, that would bring the entire league crashing down. The apocalypse would set in if a guy came up with a creative touchdown celebration and he wasn’t fined and penalized heavily for it. The NFL needs to lighten up and remove that ginormous stick from up its butt, because of all the things T.O. has pulled, this is probably the least offensive. It’s not even as bad as him pulling a Sharpie from his sock, autographing a ball and tossing it to a friend in the stands as he did on Monday Night Football a few years ago. For once, T.O. was actually funny and not being an a-hole, but the NFL just had to fine him anyhow…..
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Non-athlete Tasering, a desolate wasteland on TV and the danger for Saudi women seeking to drive
- Calling something a desolate wasteland is a severe statement, certainly not something you throw around lightly, but last night the selection of shows on TV was absolutely a desolate wasteland. I knew it was going to be bad because for the first time since last century, Gilmore Girls wasn’t a part of the lineup for the CW/WB in its usual Tuesday, 8 p.m. time slot. Furthermore, Veronica Mars had also been cancelled by the CW, and those were my two Tuesday night staples. However, I wasn’t even close to prepared for the absolute horr-a that I found when I turned on the TV. NBC was sporting one of the many fat people reality shows on TV, The Biggest Loser. CBS was offering up something called The Power of 10, which I guess is some sort of quiz show or game show based on popular opinion polls. I don’t know exactly what the show entails, but I do know that it’s hosted by Drew Carey, which is more than enough reason for me to skip it. Then you had the CW, perhaps the worst of all the major networks in this (and any other) night, with two full hours of Beauty and the Geek, which continues to crack me up, but not in a good way. How hilarious is it that this show is still being billed as a “social experiment,” when in reality it’s an excuse to laugh at nerdy guys and air-headed bimbo girls who are usually sporting fake racks and arrogant personalities. Oh, and now the CW is trying to push the idea that this is some sort of growth experience for these contestants to better themselves and become more accepting of others who aren’t like them? Yeah, because clearly this is an altruistic endeavor through and through. This show in no way exploits people who fit into an easily mockable social category. Making matters worse was that ESPN, a network I rely on for my sports fix, had neither a college football game nor a professional baseball game on. So what was ESPN rocking on this night? Yup, you guessed it, poker. For the last freaking time, poker is not a sport and it does not belong on a sports network. Welcome to Tuesday nights in Fall 2007, TV’s desolate wasteland…..
- Style can come with a price, but that price usually isn't a serious injury by way of an escalator. Kids wearing Crocs, the popular soft-soled clogs, are paying the price firsthand. An increasing number of incidents involving young children having their shoes get caught in escalators have been occurring lately, with most of the children escaping with minor injuries. These mishaps have occurred not only in the United States, but also in distant locations such as Japan and Singapore. Apparently the way Crocs are designed makes them susceptible to getting caught in the “teeth” at the top or bottom of escalators, or in the crack between the edge of the steps and the side of the escalator. One injury involving Crocs and elevators occurred in northern Virginia last month when 4-year-old Rory McDermott was riding up a mall escalator with his mother when his right foot became entrapped and he lost most of the nail on his big toe and suffered heavy bleeding after his mom was able to dislodge the foot and pull him free. Crocs Inc., the manufacturer of the shoes, predictably claims it doesn’t keep records of reported injuries to people wearing Crocs, but they’d better start doing so because I have a feeling they’re going to be getting sued by angry parents whose kids were injured while using their product. Some of those lawsuits will probably include the malls and the escalator companies too. However, I think we can all agree that at day’s end, the important question to ask is whether the kids look stylish in their Crocs and if so, what’s a little personal harm in the name of good fashion? Well done, Crocs Inc., you should be very proud.
- Saudi Arabia has long been the only country in the world with misogynistic driving laws. A group of women in the Middle Eastern nation is looking to change that, forming a committee to lobby King Abdullah to give women the right to drive. Currently, Saudi laws ban women from getting behind the wheel, and observers believe that those laws are likely to remain in place because the issue is a highly controversial and divisive one and the king unlikely to make such a major change. “We would like to remind officials that this is, as many have said, a social and not a religious or political issue,” explained Fowziyyah al-Oyouni, a founding member of the Committee of Demanders of Women’s Right to Drive Cars. “And since it’s a social issue, we have the right to lobby for it.” First, Fowziyyah, you all really didn’t do a great job of choosing the name for your committee. You do know that making your name excruciatingly long and cumbersome doesn’t have any effect on your impact and persuasiveness, right? But getting beyond the name, yes, you do have a right to lobby for driving privileges, but a monarchy is not a democracy and the will of the people often gets quashed by the rulers in a monarchy. Your king is going to take one look at your request and shoot it down, even if it is unfair and unjust that women are banned from driving simply because they’re women. Personally I’d like countries all over the world to ban drivers who can’t figure out how to use their gas pedal correctly, who can’t grasp the concept of not pulling out in front of people who are two seconds away from them and who drive in the freaking left lane even though they’re the slowest car on the road, but that ain’t happening either. For now, Saudi women are stuck riding the horses and camels, which actually get much better gas mileage than most cars anyhow, so be thankful for that.
- So the question has been answered: Sarah Wayne Callies will NOT be back on Prison Break. She had been out on maternity leave and gave birth to a daughter, then decided not to return to the show. It was apparently her decision, as per TV Guide’s word, but that bit of hope thrown out to fans during the season premiere when her name was mentioned by multiple characters and the storyline of Sara and L.J. being caught and held for ransom was nothing more than a tease. However that storyline plays out, it won't end with screen time for Dr. Sara Tancredi. As I wrote Tuesday, while it would have been nice to have Callies back, her departure from the show isn't a fatal blow from where I sit. This show is just so layered, fast-paced, detailed and is always weaving new characters into the plot to the extent that losing one character, albeit an important one, isn't a death blow. Obviously things couldn’t continue with out Michael and Lincoln, but other than them, anyone else’s departure can be overcome. This doesn’t dampen my enthusiasm for this season at all, and best wishes to Callies for whatever she decides to do next.
- Personally I think that anyone wasting their time at a John Kerry speech should run the risk of being Tasered, but that doesn’t mean I think it was right for university security to bum rush University of Florida student Andrew Meyer, 21, simply for taking up too much time in the Q&A portion of the speech and asking too many questions. Yeah, because when a dude starts asking Kerry if he was ever in the same Skull & Bones group that W. was reportedly in, you need to cut him off. Better yet, you need to tackle him and have three or four university cops hold him down and administer a Taser blast when he resists. What, did you all think he was some drunk pro athlete who refused to obey your directions when you pulled him over? That’s when you use a Taser, when you have some 300-pound lineman getting belligerent and threatening to harm you. You don’t need a Taser when one officer with a pair of handcuffs could subdue some guy whose biggest crime is being annoying. UF President Bernie Machen called the incident “regrettable,” a vast understatement and a bit of a disappointment in vocabulary from a man who certainly could come up with a better word to describe this egregious abuse of power. Hey kids, come to the University of Florida, where you can't ask too many questions and will be brutally assaulted by the police if you dare to challenge anyone in authority!
- Style can come with a price, but that price usually isn't a serious injury by way of an escalator. Kids wearing Crocs, the popular soft-soled clogs, are paying the price firsthand. An increasing number of incidents involving young children having their shoes get caught in escalators have been occurring lately, with most of the children escaping with minor injuries. These mishaps have occurred not only in the United States, but also in distant locations such as Japan and Singapore. Apparently the way Crocs are designed makes them susceptible to getting caught in the “teeth” at the top or bottom of escalators, or in the crack between the edge of the steps and the side of the escalator. One injury involving Crocs and elevators occurred in northern Virginia last month when 4-year-old Rory McDermott was riding up a mall escalator with his mother when his right foot became entrapped and he lost most of the nail on his big toe and suffered heavy bleeding after his mom was able to dislodge the foot and pull him free. Crocs Inc., the manufacturer of the shoes, predictably claims it doesn’t keep records of reported injuries to people wearing Crocs, but they’d better start doing so because I have a feeling they’re going to be getting sued by angry parents whose kids were injured while using their product. Some of those lawsuits will probably include the malls and the escalator companies too. However, I think we can all agree that at day’s end, the important question to ask is whether the kids look stylish in their Crocs and if so, what’s a little personal harm in the name of good fashion? Well done, Crocs Inc., you should be very proud.
- Saudi Arabia has long been the only country in the world with misogynistic driving laws. A group of women in the Middle Eastern nation is looking to change that, forming a committee to lobby King Abdullah to give women the right to drive. Currently, Saudi laws ban women from getting behind the wheel, and observers believe that those laws are likely to remain in place because the issue is a highly controversial and divisive one and the king unlikely to make such a major change. “We would like to remind officials that this is, as many have said, a social and not a religious or political issue,” explained Fowziyyah al-Oyouni, a founding member of the Committee of Demanders of Women’s Right to Drive Cars. “And since it’s a social issue, we have the right to lobby for it.” First, Fowziyyah, you all really didn’t do a great job of choosing the name for your committee. You do know that making your name excruciatingly long and cumbersome doesn’t have any effect on your impact and persuasiveness, right? But getting beyond the name, yes, you do have a right to lobby for driving privileges, but a monarchy is not a democracy and the will of the people often gets quashed by the rulers in a monarchy. Your king is going to take one look at your request and shoot it down, even if it is unfair and unjust that women are banned from driving simply because they’re women. Personally I’d like countries all over the world to ban drivers who can’t figure out how to use their gas pedal correctly, who can’t grasp the concept of not pulling out in front of people who are two seconds away from them and who drive in the freaking left lane even though they’re the slowest car on the road, but that ain’t happening either. For now, Saudi women are stuck riding the horses and camels, which actually get much better gas mileage than most cars anyhow, so be thankful for that.
- So the question has been answered: Sarah Wayne Callies will NOT be back on Prison Break. She had been out on maternity leave and gave birth to a daughter, then decided not to return to the show. It was apparently her decision, as per TV Guide’s word, but that bit of hope thrown out to fans during the season premiere when her name was mentioned by multiple characters and the storyline of Sara and L.J. being caught and held for ransom was nothing more than a tease. However that storyline plays out, it won't end with screen time for Dr. Sara Tancredi. As I wrote Tuesday, while it would have been nice to have Callies back, her departure from the show isn't a fatal blow from where I sit. This show is just so layered, fast-paced, detailed and is always weaving new characters into the plot to the extent that losing one character, albeit an important one, isn't a death blow. Obviously things couldn’t continue with out Michael and Lincoln, but other than them, anyone else’s departure can be overcome. This doesn’t dampen my enthusiasm for this season at all, and best wishes to Callies for whatever she decides to do next.
- Personally I think that anyone wasting their time at a John Kerry speech should run the risk of being Tasered, but that doesn’t mean I think it was right for university security to bum rush University of Florida student Andrew Meyer, 21, simply for taking up too much time in the Q&A portion of the speech and asking too many questions. Yeah, because when a dude starts asking Kerry if he was ever in the same Skull & Bones group that W. was reportedly in, you need to cut him off. Better yet, you need to tackle him and have three or four university cops hold him down and administer a Taser blast when he resists. What, did you all think he was some drunk pro athlete who refused to obey your directions when you pulled him over? That’s when you use a Taser, when you have some 300-pound lineman getting belligerent and threatening to harm you. You don’t need a Taser when one officer with a pair of handcuffs could subdue some guy whose biggest crime is being annoying. UF President Bernie Machen called the incident “regrettable,” a vast understatement and a bit of a disappointment in vocabulary from a man who certainly could come up with a better word to describe this egregious abuse of power. Hey kids, come to the University of Florida, where you can't ask too many questions and will be brutally assaulted by the police if you dare to challenge anyone in authority!
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Buddhist monks are same tough dudes, Prison Break kicks off in style and an Arkansas football player is both smart and stupid
- Clearly I’ve underestimated the Buddhist monks in Myanmar, because these dudes definitely mean business. Last week they staged a protest march that ended when the police opened fire on them with warning shots, but the monks were not to be deterred. I had thought of monks as peaceful, quiet, humble servants of God, but these monks either don’t know that code or have elected to ignore it, because their response has been violent and aggressive. They have vandalized the shops of those supporting the country’s dictatorship, they have briefly taken local leaders hostage and now they are threatening a boycott of the country’s military and the families of military members. Exactly how one boycotts the military, I don’t know. This isn't like refusing to shop at a certain store because you are boycotting their policies on dolphin-safe tuna. The military’s service is protection, so to boycott them you would either have to leave the country or openly enable those wishing to attack your country. Simply by living your daily life you’re basically using the “services” provided by the military. However, nonsensical thinking aside, I’m with the monks 105%. These guys know their scriptures, they can stage protests, they can dish out violence and property destruction and they oppose dictatorships. All of these are worthy ideals to espouse, and I hope that others in Myanmar step up to fight this worthy fight with the world’s most badass monks.
- Interesting, very interesting. The season premiere of Prison Break last night raised a lot of questions and took some time to digest, but as always, it was top notch. In typical PB fashion, some details about SONA were released, but those details raised more questions than they answered. As it turns out, SONA is some sort of reengage Panamanian prison where the inmates are so out of control and animalistic that the guards pulled out over a year ago. Martial law rules there now, with the inmates governing themselves and the government guarding the perimeter, shooting anyone who tries to escape but doing nothing else. The prison is run by a large black man whose name wasn’t given, but he has his own private “suite” with a flat screen TV and underlings who help him keep order. Disputes are settled by the two dissenting parties fighting to the death in the prison yard. Bellick is in with Michael Scofield, as is Mahone and later in the episode, T-Bag. Bellick is having the hardest time adjusting, stumbling around in a pair of tighty-whities (a disturbing image) the entire show and being given the dirtiest, most disgusting job. Mahone and Scofield are uneasy allies, with Mahone actually saving Michael’s life in a fight. T-Bag is his usual self, schmoozing, scheming and trying to get ahead. On the outside, we learn that Lincoln, L.J. and Sarah are still alive, but the good news ends there. While Linc fights to clear his brother’s name, Sarah and L.J. are captured and held hostage by the Company. Even after learning he’s been cleared of all wrongdoing, Linc has to hassle the American embassy to find Sara, get Michael transferred to a safer prison and work toward Michael’s trial on the charges against him resulting from the murdered woman setup that T-Bag sprung on him in last season’s finale. Just when it appears that Michael is about to get that transfer to a different prison, an old acquaintance of Linc’s, Pamela (XXXXX) meets him at the spot he was supposed to meet his son at and delivers a message. Linc passes that message along to his brother, that there is a man inside SONA he must rescue and help to escape if he wants his freedom. There’s also a mysterious stranger who visits SONA and offers Michael help in escaping and fleeing, but that’s about as far as that went this episode. Judging from the season preview at show’s end, most of the season is going to be at SONA, so escape doesn’t appear imminent. The questions raised by this episode are obvious. First, who is Kenneth Whistler, the man Michael is supposed to rescue? Second, why is Whistler trapped behind a wall in the wet, slimy, dungy basement at SONA? Thirdly, with Sara Wayne Callies’ name not in the opening credits and her face not in the show at all, is she really still a part of the cast? Fourth, where is Sucre and more importantly, where has Bellick hidden his beloved Maricruz? The preview, by the way, did show Sucre visiting Bellick at SONA, gun in hand, so ask this very question. Also, who is this mysterious inmate leading SONA and can Michael find a way to make peace with him? This is the kind of episode that was great when you watched it, but it’s twice as good once you get a chance to think about and digest it. I’m pumped for this season, which continues next Monday at 8 p.m. on Fox.
- University of Arkansas football player Ernest Mitchell has been suspended for UA’s game against No. 21 Kentucky this week after a confrontation with an opponent in last week’s game against Alabama. Coach Houston Nutt clearly wasn’t pleased when Mitchell grabbed an opponent’s helmet and hit him with it, but I wish Nutt were a sunny, positive, glass-half-full guy like me, because then he would see the silver lining in this situation. See, normally football players make the dumb mistake of punching an opponent in the head while that opponent is wearing a helmet, but not Mitchell. He was intelligent enough to keep his own helmet on, then grab his opponent’s helmet and hitting him with it. Let’s give Mitchell credit for using his head to inflict damage on someone else’s head, shall we? In a world where dumb jocks reign supreme, let’s applaud an industrious young man who took the tools available to him and used those tools to assault a fellow athlete while keeping himself protected. Good thinking, E., even if it did earn you a suspension and prevent you from being on the field to help your team as it looks to rebound from a tough loss against a good opponent.
- Amazingly, America wasn’t down with an Academy Awards broadcast that was excruciatingly long, boring, pointless and filled with wall-to-wall self-congratulation by wealthy celebrities. The show received what is believed to be the lowest ratings in Oscar history, with a paltry 13.1 million viewers tuning in to see the effeminate, metrosexual loser Ryan Seacrest host an awards show that was shockingly similar to the dozens of other awards shows that happen on a monthly basis in this country. The viewer numbers are 3 million less than last year’s broadcast on NBC and 700,000 lower than the previous record low of 13.8 million on ABC three years ago. It appears that America has lost its interest in canned, predictable, disingenuous acceptance speeches, scripted and lame on-stage banter and celebrities in expensive outfits sitting around giving out awards to one another.
- Degenerate gamblers, take notice, because if the governor of Massachusetts has his way, you could soon be throwing away your income and your life at one of three new casinos in his fine state. Gov. Deval Patrick has proposed the building of three full-scale casinos in Massachusetts, one each in the state’s western and southeastern regions and one in the Boston area. Patrick made the usual appeal that politicians make when they want to bring casinos into their area; namely, that the casinos will generate jobs and revenue for their state, city, etc. They ever seem to mention the rise in crime that comes in any area where a casino is built, nor do they ruminate on the negative effects a casino will have on people with gambling addictions in the area who now have a huge temptation in their neighborhood that will allow them to fully engage an addiction that could bankrupt them completely. The figure that the governor threw out was $2 billion annually in revenues from the casinos, but even if that figure is accurate (and you can be sure it’s not), at what cost in non-financial terms? Don’t we already have enough options for people looking to lose their money gambling? I refer you to the website of former mob boss Michael Franzese, who travels the country speaking to college and pro athletes, warning them about the dangers of gambling, if you have any doubts as to the powerful and negative impact gambling can have on lives. It’s michaelfranzese.com, and it’s an eye opener.
- Interesting, very interesting. The season premiere of Prison Break last night raised a lot of questions and took some time to digest, but as always, it was top notch. In typical PB fashion, some details about SONA were released, but those details raised more questions than they answered. As it turns out, SONA is some sort of reengage Panamanian prison where the inmates are so out of control and animalistic that the guards pulled out over a year ago. Martial law rules there now, with the inmates governing themselves and the government guarding the perimeter, shooting anyone who tries to escape but doing nothing else. The prison is run by a large black man whose name wasn’t given, but he has his own private “suite” with a flat screen TV and underlings who help him keep order. Disputes are settled by the two dissenting parties fighting to the death in the prison yard. Bellick is in with Michael Scofield, as is Mahone and later in the episode, T-Bag. Bellick is having the hardest time adjusting, stumbling around in a pair of tighty-whities (a disturbing image) the entire show and being given the dirtiest, most disgusting job. Mahone and Scofield are uneasy allies, with Mahone actually saving Michael’s life in a fight. T-Bag is his usual self, schmoozing, scheming and trying to get ahead. On the outside, we learn that Lincoln, L.J. and Sarah are still alive, but the good news ends there. While Linc fights to clear his brother’s name, Sarah and L.J. are captured and held hostage by the Company. Even after learning he’s been cleared of all wrongdoing, Linc has to hassle the American embassy to find Sara, get Michael transferred to a safer prison and work toward Michael’s trial on the charges against him resulting from the murdered woman setup that T-Bag sprung on him in last season’s finale. Just when it appears that Michael is about to get that transfer to a different prison, an old acquaintance of Linc’s, Pamela (XXXXX) meets him at the spot he was supposed to meet his son at and delivers a message. Linc passes that message along to his brother, that there is a man inside SONA he must rescue and help to escape if he wants his freedom. There’s also a mysterious stranger who visits SONA and offers Michael help in escaping and fleeing, but that’s about as far as that went this episode. Judging from the season preview at show’s end, most of the season is going to be at SONA, so escape doesn’t appear imminent. The questions raised by this episode are obvious. First, who is Kenneth Whistler, the man Michael is supposed to rescue? Second, why is Whistler trapped behind a wall in the wet, slimy, dungy basement at SONA? Thirdly, with Sara Wayne Callies’ name not in the opening credits and her face not in the show at all, is she really still a part of the cast? Fourth, where is Sucre and more importantly, where has Bellick hidden his beloved Maricruz? The preview, by the way, did show Sucre visiting Bellick at SONA, gun in hand, so ask this very question. Also, who is this mysterious inmate leading SONA and can Michael find a way to make peace with him? This is the kind of episode that was great when you watched it, but it’s twice as good once you get a chance to think about and digest it. I’m pumped for this season, which continues next Monday at 8 p.m. on Fox.
- University of Arkansas football player Ernest Mitchell has been suspended for UA’s game against No. 21 Kentucky this week after a confrontation with an opponent in last week’s game against Alabama. Coach Houston Nutt clearly wasn’t pleased when Mitchell grabbed an opponent’s helmet and hit him with it, but I wish Nutt were a sunny, positive, glass-half-full guy like me, because then he would see the silver lining in this situation. See, normally football players make the dumb mistake of punching an opponent in the head while that opponent is wearing a helmet, but not Mitchell. He was intelligent enough to keep his own helmet on, then grab his opponent’s helmet and hitting him with it. Let’s give Mitchell credit for using his head to inflict damage on someone else’s head, shall we? In a world where dumb jocks reign supreme, let’s applaud an industrious young man who took the tools available to him and used those tools to assault a fellow athlete while keeping himself protected. Good thinking, E., even if it did earn you a suspension and prevent you from being on the field to help your team as it looks to rebound from a tough loss against a good opponent.
- Amazingly, America wasn’t down with an Academy Awards broadcast that was excruciatingly long, boring, pointless and filled with wall-to-wall self-congratulation by wealthy celebrities. The show received what is believed to be the lowest ratings in Oscar history, with a paltry 13.1 million viewers tuning in to see the effeminate, metrosexual loser Ryan Seacrest host an awards show that was shockingly similar to the dozens of other awards shows that happen on a monthly basis in this country. The viewer numbers are 3 million less than last year’s broadcast on NBC and 700,000 lower than the previous record low of 13.8 million on ABC three years ago. It appears that America has lost its interest in canned, predictable, disingenuous acceptance speeches, scripted and lame on-stage banter and celebrities in expensive outfits sitting around giving out awards to one another.
- Degenerate gamblers, take notice, because if the governor of Massachusetts has his way, you could soon be throwing away your income and your life at one of three new casinos in his fine state. Gov. Deval Patrick has proposed the building of three full-scale casinos in Massachusetts, one each in the state’s western and southeastern regions and one in the Boston area. Patrick made the usual appeal that politicians make when they want to bring casinos into their area; namely, that the casinos will generate jobs and revenue for their state, city, etc. They ever seem to mention the rise in crime that comes in any area where a casino is built, nor do they ruminate on the negative effects a casino will have on people with gambling addictions in the area who now have a huge temptation in their neighborhood that will allow them to fully engage an addiction that could bankrupt them completely. The figure that the governor threw out was $2 billion annually in revenues from the casinos, but even if that figure is accurate (and you can be sure it’s not), at what cost in non-financial terms? Don’t we already have enough options for people looking to lose their money gambling? I refer you to the website of former mob boss Michael Franzese, who travels the country speaking to college and pro athletes, warning them about the dangers of gambling, if you have any doubts as to the powerful and negative impact gambling can have on lives. It’s michaelfranzese.com, and it’s an eye opener.
Monday, September 17, 2007
W. has made a decision, a down weekend at the movies and the Red Sox are torturing me
- This is about as easy a choice for an appointment to a major political office as you can get. Of course, when W. is involved, it’s also going to be an incredibly difficult choice to make. Our un-esteemed leader has made his decision on a replacement for Alberto Gonzales, naming Michael B. Mukasey as his nominee for attorney general. The easy part of the equation is that when you’re choosing a successor for a ginormous tool like Gonzales, no matter who you choose you’re almost guaranteed that he or she will be markedly better than ol’ Alberto. However, the downside is that it is still W. making the choice, and that man couldn’t decide between crunchy peanut butter or creamy if his life depended on it because he’s just not smart enough to make those kinds of challenging choices. Mukasey is retired federal judge from New York who has handled terrorist cases in the U.S. legal system for years. The choice of a nominee who is largely agreeable to Democrats is being pointed to as an indication of W.’s weakening political power, but let’s face it, he probably played a game of “Pin the Tail on a Nominee” and thus came up with Mukasey. Or maybe he just thought that Mukasey sounded like a funny name, so he liked that. Mukasey is actually a judicial advisor to Republican presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani, so at least he won't have any sort of divided attention. Odds are that Mukasey will be approved by Congress, so like it or not, he’s your next attorney general. But hey, if you don’t like him, no worries, in a year a whole new regime will roll into Washington…..
- You’re killing me, Boston Red Sox, absolutely killing me. You have me and every other Yankee-hating baseball fan across America behind you and you are slowly, steadily choking away what was once a 14-game lead in the American League East. With Monday’s loss to the mediocre Toronto Blue Jays, the Sox have seen their lead shrink to a measly 3.5 games over the hated Pinstripes, a lead that doesn’t feel even remotely safe despite the fact that only 11 games remain in the regular season. As much as I hate to admit it, the Yankees have been playing winning baseball for several months now, but that doesn’t excuse Boston giving back nearly all of that massive lead by playing some of the most inconsistent, uninspired baseball they’ve played in a long time. The reality that both teams are almost certain to make the playoffs does little to assuage my rage, because 1) I hate the Yankees and seeing them in the playoffs in any form is inherently repulsive, and 2) If the Yankees are going to make the playoffs, then let it be as the wild card so their run of division titles can end. I realize that Boston is missing Manny Ramirez and that Man-Ram is a major part of the offense, but many of Boston’s recent losses have been because of lackluster pitching, not offensive deficiencies. All it will take for the Sox to win the division is a run of 7-4 or 8-3 to close the season, because as well as they’re playing, the Yankees will lose a few down the stretch. Pull yourselves together, Red Sox, because a nation’s hopes are resting on you.
- A very underwhelming weekend at the box office, that’s for sure. When the leading earner in ticket sales is bringing in $14 million, as The Brave One did, you know people are finding much better ways to spend their time than going to the movies. The $14 million for that particular movie is actually what I would expect, because a movie starring Jodie Foster as a vigilante with a gun terrorizing criminals in a big city is about as believable as a prison movie starring Pee Wee Herman and David Spade. The runner up was 3:10 to Yuma, the remake of the 1950s Western starring Russell Crowe and Christian Bale. Coming in third was a movie I am definitely going to avoid, Mr. Woodcock, partly because the name creates a lot of bad mental imagery and partly because I’m sure the horr-a that is this movie would create even more bad imagery. That these three movies combined brought in just over what half of The Bourne Ultimatum raked in during its opening weekend is a definitive statement that the summer blockbuster season is over and that we’re in that dead period before the big holiday film season gets rolling.
- So the Oscars were an unqualified success, and there’s one simple reason for that: Britney Spears wasn’t performing or associated with the show in any way. That alone is reason to enjoy any event, because let’s face it, an over-the-hill, overweight, flabby, lip-syncing pop tart trying to fake her way through a performance of a song so gawd-awful that no one could make it sound good is an absolute buzz kill. Of course, the reasons to celebrate the Oscars begin and end there. Besides that small triumph, you have a room full of rich, spoiled, surgically-enhanced movie stars and their massive egos gathered together in one ginormous, self-congratulatory heap. Everyone applauds everyone else and pretends to act humble as they congratulate one another and give each other awards to celebrate their greatness. Oh, and the show was hosted by the patron saint of the man blouse, Mr. Ryan Seacrest. I’m betting he had his teeth bleached and his tips frosted especially for the show. I watched bits and pieces of the broadcast, but only because it’s hard to sarcastically mock something you didn’t see….hard, but not impossible. Still, the only truly funny moments of the night came when Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert presented an award together, with Colbert sporting a leaf blower on his shoulder that runs “on Al Gore’s tears.” Other than that moment of levity, it was every bit as bad as one might expect. The best part is that we now have about a day and a half to get ready for the next overblown, self-congratulatory awards show, then two more days to get ready for the one after that, and the one after that…..
- Welcome to Denny’s, would you like an appetizer and an offensive racial slur to get you started? I didn’t know that was an appropriate greeting at any restaurant, but at one particular restaurant in East St. Louis, Ill., that’s exactly what a black family of 15 received along with their meal at a local Denny’s eatery. The family then sued Denny’s and has won that suit, with the settlement in the amount of $600,000 for the entire family. That works out to $40,000 each for the 15 family members, although I’m sure if you ask them, they would have gladly taken paying for their meal, not having their waiter ignore them and use ugly racial slurs and not having to sue over the way things transpired. Part of me thinks that I’d happily take that sort of shallow, ignorant remark and indifference for a $40,000 payout, but I’m more amazed that there are still people out there who are not only bigoted and ignorant enough to think the way that waiter did, but some of them are so arrogant and idiotic as to say those things in public to people who can take action against them. Just goes to show you that trends come and go, but stupid never goes out of style.
- You’re killing me, Boston Red Sox, absolutely killing me. You have me and every other Yankee-hating baseball fan across America behind you and you are slowly, steadily choking away what was once a 14-game lead in the American League East. With Monday’s loss to the mediocre Toronto Blue Jays, the Sox have seen their lead shrink to a measly 3.5 games over the hated Pinstripes, a lead that doesn’t feel even remotely safe despite the fact that only 11 games remain in the regular season. As much as I hate to admit it, the Yankees have been playing winning baseball for several months now, but that doesn’t excuse Boston giving back nearly all of that massive lead by playing some of the most inconsistent, uninspired baseball they’ve played in a long time. The reality that both teams are almost certain to make the playoffs does little to assuage my rage, because 1) I hate the Yankees and seeing them in the playoffs in any form is inherently repulsive, and 2) If the Yankees are going to make the playoffs, then let it be as the wild card so their run of division titles can end. I realize that Boston is missing Manny Ramirez and that Man-Ram is a major part of the offense, but many of Boston’s recent losses have been because of lackluster pitching, not offensive deficiencies. All it will take for the Sox to win the division is a run of 7-4 or 8-3 to close the season, because as well as they’re playing, the Yankees will lose a few down the stretch. Pull yourselves together, Red Sox, because a nation’s hopes are resting on you.
- A very underwhelming weekend at the box office, that’s for sure. When the leading earner in ticket sales is bringing in $14 million, as The Brave One did, you know people are finding much better ways to spend their time than going to the movies. The $14 million for that particular movie is actually what I would expect, because a movie starring Jodie Foster as a vigilante with a gun terrorizing criminals in a big city is about as believable as a prison movie starring Pee Wee Herman and David Spade. The runner up was 3:10 to Yuma, the remake of the 1950s Western starring Russell Crowe and Christian Bale. Coming in third was a movie I am definitely going to avoid, Mr. Woodcock, partly because the name creates a lot of bad mental imagery and partly because I’m sure the horr-a that is this movie would create even more bad imagery. That these three movies combined brought in just over what half of The Bourne Ultimatum raked in during its opening weekend is a definitive statement that the summer blockbuster season is over and that we’re in that dead period before the big holiday film season gets rolling.
- So the Oscars were an unqualified success, and there’s one simple reason for that: Britney Spears wasn’t performing or associated with the show in any way. That alone is reason to enjoy any event, because let’s face it, an over-the-hill, overweight, flabby, lip-syncing pop tart trying to fake her way through a performance of a song so gawd-awful that no one could make it sound good is an absolute buzz kill. Of course, the reasons to celebrate the Oscars begin and end there. Besides that small triumph, you have a room full of rich, spoiled, surgically-enhanced movie stars and their massive egos gathered together in one ginormous, self-congratulatory heap. Everyone applauds everyone else and pretends to act humble as they congratulate one another and give each other awards to celebrate their greatness. Oh, and the show was hosted by the patron saint of the man blouse, Mr. Ryan Seacrest. I’m betting he had his teeth bleached and his tips frosted especially for the show. I watched bits and pieces of the broadcast, but only because it’s hard to sarcastically mock something you didn’t see….hard, but not impossible. Still, the only truly funny moments of the night came when Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert presented an award together, with Colbert sporting a leaf blower on his shoulder that runs “on Al Gore’s tears.” Other than that moment of levity, it was every bit as bad as one might expect. The best part is that we now have about a day and a half to get ready for the next overblown, self-congratulatory awards show, then two more days to get ready for the one after that, and the one after that…..
- Welcome to Denny’s, would you like an appetizer and an offensive racial slur to get you started? I didn’t know that was an appropriate greeting at any restaurant, but at one particular restaurant in East St. Louis, Ill., that’s exactly what a black family of 15 received along with their meal at a local Denny’s eatery. The family then sued Denny’s and has won that suit, with the settlement in the amount of $600,000 for the entire family. That works out to $40,000 each for the 15 family members, although I’m sure if you ask them, they would have gladly taken paying for their meal, not having their waiter ignore them and use ugly racial slurs and not having to sue over the way things transpired. Part of me thinks that I’d happily take that sort of shallow, ignorant remark and indifference for a $40,000 payout, but I’m more amazed that there are still people out there who are not only bigoted and ignorant enough to think the way that waiter did, but some of them are so arrogant and idiotic as to say those things in public to people who can take action against them. Just goes to show you that trends come and go, but stupid never goes out of style.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
O.J. Simpson is amazing, Duke football is finally a winner and Euros have a banking crisis of faith
- O.J. Simpson is a beauty. I don’t know anyone else who could pull the act that the Juice is pulling and still be laughing and smiling as he did it. After being arrested and charged with seven felonies in conjunction with a break-in and burglary in a Las Vegas hotel room, some amazing details are emerging about just how the Juice planned and pulled off his own personal sting operation. First, there’s the fact that the Juice allegedly put together his posse for the raid at a wedding cocktail reception. Yes, dude found four or five guys at a wedding reception and talked them into forming the Juice’s own personal S.W.A.T. team. Most single guys go to wedding receptions to pick up chicks, but O.J. goes there to recruit members for the J.S.W.A.T. Then there’s the fact that TMZ.com is floating an audio tape allegedly from the hotel room when the Juice and his crew burst in to steal back memorabilia he claimed was his. On the tape, a voice believed to be Simpson’s can be heard telling the rest of his posse to not “let anyone out of this room.” Simpson has admitted to being in the room and taking the memorabilia under contentious circumstances, but he also tried to tell police that he was unarmed. Well, apparently at least some of his guys were, which escalates things substantially. Also on the tape, an enraged Juice yells, “You think you can steal my sh*t and sell it? You think you can steal my sh*t?” over and over. The guys he’s screaming at are noticeably panicked (and rightfully so), with one of them trying to throw his buddy under the bus and placate the Juice by saying, “Mike took it.” Good one, because as much as I appreciate loyalty to one’s friends, I appreciate staying alive more and doing anything other than what this guy did could have caused him to receive the Ron and Nicole treatment. The hilarity of this situation doesn’t end with the end of the robbery, though. Apparently O.J. called one of the men he and his posse robbed the next day because in seizing some of his belongings, Simpson also picked up some things that didn’t belong to him. So after robbing these guys in plain sight with no disguise in the most heavily surveilled city in America, he calls one of the victims and leaves a voice mail for the guy, asking how O.J. can give his stuff back to him. The kicker is that when asked about the whole incident, the Juice went with the clichéd Vegas catch phrase, saying, “I thought what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.” Ahhhhh……good one, Juice, you’re hilarious. Or you would be if you weren’t the worst dude in the history of the world. Most of the time you can leave what happened in Vegas in Vegas, but not if you commit burglary and armed robbery, that you can’t leave in Vegas. Still, you have to love the sheer testicular fortitude of a guy who got away with a brutal double murder (allegedly), continues to act like everyone doesn’t know he really is a murderer, goes to Vegas to stage his own commando raid on a hotel room full of memorabilia and has the balls to crack a joke like that. Having said all of this, I have to ask, now that the raid has been completed and your plan executed, Juice, the one question we all want to know is: Has this brought you closer to finding the real killers? Just curious…….
- And the winner is……no one? For the first time in forever, not a single one of the five major TV networks has a schedule that is clearly the best as the fall TV season begins. Mostly that’s because on the whole, every one of the five schedules sucks. Not one of these networks has a single night, let alone a whole week, of shows that are great. For every Prison Break, there’s an Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?, as is the case on Fox. Some networks, such as ABC, don’t even have their best show returning until January, as is Lost. Then you have Fox calling its new crime drama K-Ville a “landmark series,” even though it’s going to last about four weeks before being cancelled and is about as revolutionary as a peanut butter sandwich. Perhaps the most downtrodden of all networks is the CW, for whom I have no sympathy because the suits there have done this to themselves. They’ve systematically eliminated their best shows the past two years and are now left with a smorgasbord of rat feces on nearly every night of the week. The ONLY good show that the network has to offer during its premiere week is Smallville. Teen drama One Tree Hill is being retooled and will return in January with the show’s characters advanced ahead four years in time, past the college years the typically kill such shows. It remains to be seen if the revised version will work, but it definitely can’t be any worse than stinkers like Reaper and Beauty and the Geek. I honestly can't remember a year in which no new shows have excited me enough to watch. Even last season there were Heroes, Traveler and The Black Donnellys. This year there’s…..The Big Bang Theory, a lame half-hour comedy about a bunch of science nerds trying to pull chicks? Thanks, but I’ll pass.
- One college football note I neglected in yesterday’s posting was the ending of the longest losing streak in the nation, with the Duke Blue Devils snapping their 22-game skid. They hadn’t won a game since October 2005, but on Saturday night, the Dukies defeated Northwestern by a 20-14 score. Smart kid on smart kid violence isn't something I usually endorse, but in this case I’ll make an exception. Duke has long been known for two things – well, three if you count their irrepressible arrogance – and those two things are being smart and having a good basketball team that everyone outside of Durham hates with a passion. But for one glorious Saturday in September, the Dukies stopped sucking long enough to win a football game. Personally I’m happy to see it, because I’ve been on teams that go winless for prolonged periods of time and it absolutely sucks. The jubilation from the Duke players and coaches was awesome, and even if that’s the only win of their season, at least they’ve shed the dubious distinction of being the biggest losers in college football. The game came down to the very end, with Northwestern missing its final chance to win with just a few seconds remaining when quarterback C.J. Bachier’s pass fell incomplete in the end zone, sending the Duke sideline into a frenzy. Now if this were the Duke basketball team I would be rooting for their losing streak for reach 15,022, but I am glad to see this football team finally win. Their coach is not a loathsome, rat-like whiny bastard like Duke’s basketball coach, Mike Kryzewski. So well done, Dukie football, you all earned it.
- You know how it’s said that banks operate on the principle that money comes in from deposits, goes out on loans and if every with money in the bank came at once to withdraw their money, there wouldn’t actually be enough on hand to meet the demand. In other words, the bank would crash if everyone tried to take out their money at the same time. Well, many British bank customers seem eager to challenge that logic, because on Saturday, hundreds of customers lined up outside branches of the Northern Rock Bank, desperate to withdraw their money after news came out that the bank had applied for an emergency loan to remain financially solvent. At some locations police were called in to maintain order, but neither the police presence nor assurances from the government that their money was safe dissuaded the anxious Brits. If only they would all follow my lead and place their money in a far safer place…..at their local betting parlor on a wager that O.J. Simpson will officially be named the worst guy ever by the end of the decade……
- I haven’t seen the official numbers yet, but I’ll go out on a limb and say that the current World Cup of women’s soccer is producing some of the lowest ratings numbers of the year for ESPN. And before you pass that off as my bias against soccer or women’s sports (OK, so soccer is boring and women’s sports at any level are substantially less interesting than the same men’s sports at the same level), hear me out. With America being the soccer-loathing nation we are, exactly how many people do you think are tuning in at 4:55 a.m. for some exciting World Cup action between Korea and Nigeria? Yeah, that’s what I thought. I know ESPN is hard up for programming to the point that they regularly broadcast auto racing, poker, dog shows and spelling bees, but while soccer is actually an improvement over those choices, it’s a marginal improvement. People barely give a crap about the men’s World Cup and men’s soccer is a much more established sport. At least we can all take solace in the fact that the airtime being used up for this event is at a time when no one would be watching anyhow. That’s what happens when your games are being played in China, I suppose.
- And the winner is……no one? For the first time in forever, not a single one of the five major TV networks has a schedule that is clearly the best as the fall TV season begins. Mostly that’s because on the whole, every one of the five schedules sucks. Not one of these networks has a single night, let alone a whole week, of shows that are great. For every Prison Break, there’s an Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?, as is the case on Fox. Some networks, such as ABC, don’t even have their best show returning until January, as is Lost. Then you have Fox calling its new crime drama K-Ville a “landmark series,” even though it’s going to last about four weeks before being cancelled and is about as revolutionary as a peanut butter sandwich. Perhaps the most downtrodden of all networks is the CW, for whom I have no sympathy because the suits there have done this to themselves. They’ve systematically eliminated their best shows the past two years and are now left with a smorgasbord of rat feces on nearly every night of the week. The ONLY good show that the network has to offer during its premiere week is Smallville. Teen drama One Tree Hill is being retooled and will return in January with the show’s characters advanced ahead four years in time, past the college years the typically kill such shows. It remains to be seen if the revised version will work, but it definitely can’t be any worse than stinkers like Reaper and Beauty and the Geek. I honestly can't remember a year in which no new shows have excited me enough to watch. Even last season there were Heroes, Traveler and The Black Donnellys. This year there’s…..The Big Bang Theory, a lame half-hour comedy about a bunch of science nerds trying to pull chicks? Thanks, but I’ll pass.
- One college football note I neglected in yesterday’s posting was the ending of the longest losing streak in the nation, with the Duke Blue Devils snapping their 22-game skid. They hadn’t won a game since October 2005, but on Saturday night, the Dukies defeated Northwestern by a 20-14 score. Smart kid on smart kid violence isn't something I usually endorse, but in this case I’ll make an exception. Duke has long been known for two things – well, three if you count their irrepressible arrogance – and those two things are being smart and having a good basketball team that everyone outside of Durham hates with a passion. But for one glorious Saturday in September, the Dukies stopped sucking long enough to win a football game. Personally I’m happy to see it, because I’ve been on teams that go winless for prolonged periods of time and it absolutely sucks. The jubilation from the Duke players and coaches was awesome, and even if that’s the only win of their season, at least they’ve shed the dubious distinction of being the biggest losers in college football. The game came down to the very end, with Northwestern missing its final chance to win with just a few seconds remaining when quarterback C.J. Bachier’s pass fell incomplete in the end zone, sending the Duke sideline into a frenzy. Now if this were the Duke basketball team I would be rooting for their losing streak for reach 15,022, but I am glad to see this football team finally win. Their coach is not a loathsome, rat-like whiny bastard like Duke’s basketball coach, Mike Kryzewski. So well done, Dukie football, you all earned it.
- You know how it’s said that banks operate on the principle that money comes in from deposits, goes out on loans and if every with money in the bank came at once to withdraw their money, there wouldn’t actually be enough on hand to meet the demand. In other words, the bank would crash if everyone tried to take out their money at the same time. Well, many British bank customers seem eager to challenge that logic, because on Saturday, hundreds of customers lined up outside branches of the Northern Rock Bank, desperate to withdraw their money after news came out that the bank had applied for an emergency loan to remain financially solvent. At some locations police were called in to maintain order, but neither the police presence nor assurances from the government that their money was safe dissuaded the anxious Brits. If only they would all follow my lead and place their money in a far safer place…..at their local betting parlor on a wager that O.J. Simpson will officially be named the worst guy ever by the end of the decade……
- I haven’t seen the official numbers yet, but I’ll go out on a limb and say that the current World Cup of women’s soccer is producing some of the lowest ratings numbers of the year for ESPN. And before you pass that off as my bias against soccer or women’s sports (OK, so soccer is boring and women’s sports at any level are substantially less interesting than the same men’s sports at the same level), hear me out. With America being the soccer-loathing nation we are, exactly how many people do you think are tuning in at 4:55 a.m. for some exciting World Cup action between Korea and Nigeria? Yeah, that’s what I thought. I know ESPN is hard up for programming to the point that they regularly broadcast auto racing, poker, dog shows and spelling bees, but while soccer is actually an improvement over those choices, it’s a marginal improvement. People barely give a crap about the men’s World Cup and men’s soccer is a much more established sport. At least we can all take solace in the fact that the airtime being used up for this event is at a time when no one would be watching anyhow. That’s what happens when your games are being played in China, I suppose.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Celebs give Kabbalah a bad name, controversial underwear and more lies about Iraq
- Not a stellar Saturday of college football, I have to say. Now that is a relative statement because even on its worst day, a Saturday of college football is still just about the best thing in sports. Wall to wall action from noon to well past midnight is impossible to beat, but on this particular Saturday, that action was lacking in drama for the most part. An overwhelming majority of top teams (thus teams with games on national TV) had laughers, starting with top-ranked USC. The Trojans embarrassed Nebraska in a 49-31 game that was much more of a blowout than the final score indicates. All of the hayseed, overall-wearing, John Deere-driving Nebraska fans who swore up and down that their boys would take it to those overrated Trojans from the land of botox, spoiled celebrities and tanning booths on every corner ended up with egg on their faces. The blowouts continued with second-ranked LSU (44-0 over Middle Tennessee), third-ranked Oklahoma (54-3 over the might Utah State Aggies) and fourth-ranked Florida (59-20 over Tennessee). Other highly ranked squads were #5West Virginia (by 17 over Maryland), #8 Cal (a 30-point victor over Louisiana Tech) and #11 Ohio State (by 19 over Washington). The best games of the day involved teams totally off the national radar. Ball State and Navy played an amazing back-and-forth contest that saw the Cardinals prevail 34-31 in overtime, despite more than 500 rushing yards for the Midshipmen. Tulsa and BYU also had a classic encounter, won 55-47 by the Golden Hurricane over the visiting Cougars. The only high-profile games to live up to the hype were Arkansas v. Alabama, which was decided on an Alabama touchdown pass with four seconds left for a 41-38 win, and Kentucky vs. Louisville, which saw Kentucky ruin the Cardinals’ national title dreams with a stunning 57-yard touchdown pass with 28 seconds left to snatch a 40-34 win and the Governor’s Cup in the process. Oh, and not only were there massive blowouts by ranked teams, there were blowouts going the other direction as well. UCLA, ranked #11 going into today, was attempting to win this year’s Mormon Challenge Cup by beating Utah following last week’s win over BYU, but the Bruins were smoked by the Utes 44-6. It was one of the most embarrassing losses for a ranked team I can remember seeing, as well as a game that lacked in drama and intensity throughout. The combination of mostly the chalk winning and the blowout nature of a majority of the games I watched put a damper on the day, but again it was a Saturday of college football, which means that it still rocked.
- Great news on the war in Iraq……Secretary of Defense Robert Gates says that the number of troops in Iraq, fighting a war they should never have been involved in, could be cut by as many as 100,000….if conditions in Iraq improve enough to merit their leaving. Pardon me if I’m not excited by that announcement, Bobby, because that’s the same as me saying that if tomorrow I wake up and find $900 million on my doorstep, I’ll buy a new home for every poor family in America. Neither one is going to happen, but in actuality the $900 million on my doorstep is more likely. Exactly what Gates means by his expression of, as he puts it, a hope rather than a definite plan by the W. administration, is unclear. He didn’t spell out what the progress would be that would allow those 100,000 soldiers to come home, but that is the way this administration operates. Lots of double talk, denials, vague statements and generic proclamations in order to avoid ever having to be held accountable or admit that they were wrong. Gates quickly retreated into approved administration rhetoric after making this out-of-character statement, attacking senators who dared call on W. to change the failing, floundering, directionless, worthless and pointless plan in Iraq because it isn't succeeding. This came after the Senate took in the testimony of Ryan Crocker, U.S. Ambassador to Iraq, and Gen. David Petraeus, the commanding officer for the American forces in Iraq, and issued a report saying that the president’s plan for the war-torn nation is failing badly. So pardon me for being suspicious of your vague, dubious “hope,” Bob-O.
- I would say this is a fall from grace for Fred Durst, but let’s face it, Durst was never really esteemed that highly by anyone but Britney Spears for that one night of….never mind. The former (I think former, does anyone know if Limp Bizkit is still technically together? Does anyone care?) Limp Bizkit front man has pled no contest to not one, not five but seven misdemeanors, including assault, battery and reckless driving after intentionally hitting two people with his vehicle while driving in Los Angeles. Durst received a suspended 120-day jail sentence, a $1,500 and must perform 20 hours of community service as part of his plea. Additionally, Durst has been slapped with a restraining order by the people he hit and must remain at least 100 feet from them at all times. The incident itself actually happened in October 2006, with charges filed in January. And no, there is no truth to the rumor that Durst was merely driving along that night and just decided to “keep rollin’, rollin’, rollin’,” right into the victims……..
- Usually when there’s this much of a controversy over underwear, it’s because Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears aren’t wearing them. This time, however, it’s because several prisoners at the Guantanamo Bay prison camp were found to be wearing unauthorized underwear and now officials are investigating how the prisoners got the contraband undergarments. Two prisoners were caught wearing Under Armour briefs and one prisoner had a Speedo on, which is a whole ‘nother problem. Personally, I’m punishing the guard who gave the guy the Speedo more harshly than anyone, and I’m also punishing the guy who wore the Speedo severely as well. There are just some things that no one in this world should ever have to see, and one of them is a dude in a Speedo. The contraband items were not issued by the prison nor were they sent by regular mail, so there are concerns about smuggling and what other items could get into the hands of the prisoners. What could be more offensive than a guy receiving and wearing a Speedo, I don’t know.
- Ah, the allure of following the current trendy religion so you can be both stylish and spiritual at the same time…..it never fails to draw in celebrities. Madonna, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are three of the celebs on the Kabbalah train right now, and they were in Tel Aviv this week for a conference celebrating the Jewish New Year. It never ceases to amaze how celebrities bandwagon religious ideals like Kabbalah or Scientology, but it is funny when celebrities whose entire lifestyle screams excess, morally bankrupt behavior and a total lack of class espouse religious beliefs that stand in direction contradiction to those lifestyles. Take Madonna, for example, who has built her reputation on being crude, crass, sexually explicit and was photographed a week or so ago walking out of a store with a sex toy known as “The Purple Penetrator.” Yeah, because I’m sure the Kabbalah gives a thumbs up to that sort of thing, as well as to graphically sexual books like the one Madonna wrote. I’m also sure that the Kabbalah is down with movies about being a stripper, as Demi Moore has done, and ones all about getting high and wasted, a la Dude, Where’s My Car?, as Kutcher has done. Yes, I can think of no finer trio of celebrities to be representing my religion than these three, that’s for sure. Thankfully, I’m not a big Kabbalah-head, so I don’t have to worry about that.
- Great news on the war in Iraq……Secretary of Defense Robert Gates says that the number of troops in Iraq, fighting a war they should never have been involved in, could be cut by as many as 100,000….if conditions in Iraq improve enough to merit their leaving. Pardon me if I’m not excited by that announcement, Bobby, because that’s the same as me saying that if tomorrow I wake up and find $900 million on my doorstep, I’ll buy a new home for every poor family in America. Neither one is going to happen, but in actuality the $900 million on my doorstep is more likely. Exactly what Gates means by his expression of, as he puts it, a hope rather than a definite plan by the W. administration, is unclear. He didn’t spell out what the progress would be that would allow those 100,000 soldiers to come home, but that is the way this administration operates. Lots of double talk, denials, vague statements and generic proclamations in order to avoid ever having to be held accountable or admit that they were wrong. Gates quickly retreated into approved administration rhetoric after making this out-of-character statement, attacking senators who dared call on W. to change the failing, floundering, directionless, worthless and pointless plan in Iraq because it isn't succeeding. This came after the Senate took in the testimony of Ryan Crocker, U.S. Ambassador to Iraq, and Gen. David Petraeus, the commanding officer for the American forces in Iraq, and issued a report saying that the president’s plan for the war-torn nation is failing badly. So pardon me for being suspicious of your vague, dubious “hope,” Bob-O.
- I would say this is a fall from grace for Fred Durst, but let’s face it, Durst was never really esteemed that highly by anyone but Britney Spears for that one night of….never mind. The former (I think former, does anyone know if Limp Bizkit is still technically together? Does anyone care?) Limp Bizkit front man has pled no contest to not one, not five but seven misdemeanors, including assault, battery and reckless driving after intentionally hitting two people with his vehicle while driving in Los Angeles. Durst received a suspended 120-day jail sentence, a $1,500 and must perform 20 hours of community service as part of his plea. Additionally, Durst has been slapped with a restraining order by the people he hit and must remain at least 100 feet from them at all times. The incident itself actually happened in October 2006, with charges filed in January. And no, there is no truth to the rumor that Durst was merely driving along that night and just decided to “keep rollin’, rollin’, rollin’,” right into the victims……..
- Usually when there’s this much of a controversy over underwear, it’s because Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears aren’t wearing them. This time, however, it’s because several prisoners at the Guantanamo Bay prison camp were found to be wearing unauthorized underwear and now officials are investigating how the prisoners got the contraband undergarments. Two prisoners were caught wearing Under Armour briefs and one prisoner had a Speedo on, which is a whole ‘nother problem. Personally, I’m punishing the guard who gave the guy the Speedo more harshly than anyone, and I’m also punishing the guy who wore the Speedo severely as well. There are just some things that no one in this world should ever have to see, and one of them is a dude in a Speedo. The contraband items were not issued by the prison nor were they sent by regular mail, so there are concerns about smuggling and what other items could get into the hands of the prisoners. What could be more offensive than a guy receiving and wearing a Speedo, I don’t know.
- Ah, the allure of following the current trendy religion so you can be both stylish and spiritual at the same time…..it never fails to draw in celebrities. Madonna, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are three of the celebs on the Kabbalah train right now, and they were in Tel Aviv this week for a conference celebrating the Jewish New Year. It never ceases to amaze how celebrities bandwagon religious ideals like Kabbalah or Scientology, but it is funny when celebrities whose entire lifestyle screams excess, morally bankrupt behavior and a total lack of class espouse religious beliefs that stand in direction contradiction to those lifestyles. Take Madonna, for example, who has built her reputation on being crude, crass, sexually explicit and was photographed a week or so ago walking out of a store with a sex toy known as “The Purple Penetrator.” Yeah, because I’m sure the Kabbalah gives a thumbs up to that sort of thing, as well as to graphically sexual books like the one Madonna wrote. I’m also sure that the Kabbalah is down with movies about being a stripper, as Demi Moore has done, and ones all about getting high and wasted, a la Dude, Where’s My Car?, as Kutcher has done. Yes, I can think of no finer trio of celebrities to be representing my religion than these three, that’s for sure. Thankfully, I’m not a big Kabbalah-head, so I don’t have to worry about that.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Mascot violence, Prison Break news and Ricky Williams on the comeback trail
- Too often people think of mascots as warm, fuzzy, oversized cartoon characters come to life. Kids love them and they mug for cameras during the game to the point that they can become annoying. Not the University of Oregon’s mascot, though. The UO duck is one tough mo-fo. The mascot, known simply as the Duck, will be serving a one-game suspension this Saturday as Oregon takes on Fresno State because back in Oregon’s opener on September 1, the Duck got into a mascot brawl with Shasta, the mascot for the University of Houston Cougars, who were UO’s opponent that day. The Duck took umbrage when Shasta (played by UH student Matt Stolt, who is also a walk-on with the football team) copied his patented touchdown celebration of doing push-ups equal to the number of points Oregon has scored in that particular game. The two mascots got into a fight on the sideline, with the Duck administering an animalistic beatdown of Shasta/Stolt, pummeling him with rights, lefts, kicks and pinning him to the ground. Well, as much as one can pummel someone else when both are wearing padded, furry mascot costumes. There were actually two separate altercations, the first a mere shoving match. "He kept coming after me so I pushed him off of me a little bit and then he kind of slapped my head gear around." Stolt said. The second encounter was the more violent of the two. "(I) went out there and did push ups," Stolt continued. “He came out, kicked me and it wasn't a hard kick. So, I figured he was just playing. Then he did something else. He made some obscene gestures and I lost it. I got up and that's the part where you see me running and tackling him.” As always, good to see mascots conducting themselves with class and dignity, two traits they are known for worldwide. The Duck’s actions continue a trend of violent and crazy behavior by mascots from the Pac 10 Conference, which saw the Tree, Stanford University’s mascot, suspended last basketball season because the student who plays the Tree at games showed up to a men’s basketball game drunk out of his mind. I’m not sure whether to be amused or disturbed by this, but I’ll err on the side of good humor and just laugh it off.
- Someone needs to brief O.J. Simpson on the laws in this country, because clearly the Juice doesn’t quite grasp them and their significance. Already he’s proven that he doesn’t understand that it’s wrong to murder two innocent people by turning them into human Pez dispensers, and now he’s demonstrated that he doesn’t get the notion of breaking and entering or what burglary means. Las Vegas police have officially named Simpson as a suspect in an incident at the Palace Station hotel/casino in which sports memorabilia was taken from a hotel room. Simpson admitted to entering the room and taking the memorabilia, but he claimed it was simply a retrieval of stolen mementos that included his Hall of Fame certificate and a picture of the running back with J. Edgar Hoover. Initially the incident had been reported as an armed robbery involving guns, but so far police have not recovered any weapons. Simpson said auction house owner Tom Riccio called him several weeks ago to say some collectors "have a lot of your stuff and they don't want anyone to know they are selling it.” Thus, the Juice set up his own sting operation, with Riccio posing as a potential buyer for the items. Then, the Juice and some friends raided the room and took the memorabilia, but the people whose room it was came back and discovered what was going on. Right now it’s not clear whose version of the story is true, but how about the absolute brass pair displayed by the Juice here, pulling this kind of stunt. Look, Juice, I know you think you’re smarter than the cops because you brutally murdered two people and got away with it, but that doesn’t mean you can do your own commando-style raid of a hotel room to recover some memorabilia you think belongs to you. This isn't one of those crappy action movies you’ve acted in where you can administer your own vigilante justice. If someone has something that belongs to you, rather than setting up one of the most poorly concocted, ill-conceived sting operations ever, just call the cops and let them sort things out. You’ve already cheated justice once in the most offensive fashion possible, so don’t push your luck. You should be sitting on death row right now but instead you’re free, so enjoy your freedom, maybe use your time in your quest to find the “real killers.”
- Call me crazy (go ahead, I’m used to it), but the will she/won’t she debate about Sara Wayne Callies’ return to Prison Break for this coming season hasn’t dampened my enthusiasm for the show one bit. For a while now, the prevailing belief has been that Callies is gonzo, as evidenced by her near-total absence from the season premiere, with only a back-to-the-camera appearance done by a body double. However, Fox has now issued a news release saying that Callies will have a “major role” in this season’s storylines, so you can choose who you want to believe on this one. As I said, I really don’t care that much, I think it will be a great season with or without her, although if given a choice, who wouldn’t want Dr. Tancredi back? However, with an amazing cast of great (and diverse) characters, PB could still have a great year without Callies. I’m much more interested to find out what the frak SONA is and why Michael is being held there. Either way, the show returns Monday at 8 p.m., so be sure to tune in for the one great show that Fox has. This will be the one week for a while you can focus solely on Prison Break on Monday night, because the show is getting a one-week head start on Heroes, soon to return on NBC.
- Few bets in sports have been safer in recent years than banking on the fact that as he tries his never-ending comeback to the NFL, Ricky Williams is going to screw up somehow and lose his shot to play football once again. This guy has tested positive for marijuana and other drugs so many times you’d think he was a regular passenger on Willie Nelson’s tour bus. But the Rick-ster is again on the comeback trail and plans on applying for reinstatement to the NFL once he becomes eligible on Oct. 1. Ricky has been suspended four tiems for violating the league’s substance abuse policy, with the most recent ban coming in April 2006. He played in the Canadian Football league last season, but hasn’t played in the NFL since 2004. He’s tried traveling the world, going into holistic medicine, living in India, playing Canadian football, but nothing has worked in terms of keeping him clean. His attorney, David Cornwell, spoke with the blunt-loving running back this week and relayed what Williams told him. "He sounds wonderful," Cornwell said. "He sounds like he's in a great place, and I'm confident that will come through to the commissioner.” Hmm, was he very mellow and laid back on the phone? Did it sound like he was munching on Cheetos and watching a Planet Earth DVD while talking to you? I’ll believe Ricky is clean when I see it, although I’m sure some NFL team will give him a shot if Commission Roger Goodell reinstates him.
- While I don’t know that his particular brand of comedy is ideal for an awards show, I’m glad to see that Jon Stewart will be hosting the Oscars again in 2008. The host of TV’s best fake news show will take to the stage on Feb. 24 for the 80th annual Academy Awards show. Stewart hosted in 2006 and did well, so he’s getting another shot at standing in front of a room of pompous, egotistical, self-important stars who are in full self-congratulatory mode as they give out awards to themselves. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences didn’t officially say why Stewart will host instead of 2007’s choice, un-funny comedienne Ellen Degenerate, er, Degeneres, but I have a guess. How about because Degeneres isn't funny, entertaining or interesting? How’s about because chicks should not be sporting the same haircut as dudes when that cut is as short as Degeneres’? As I said, Stewart’s self-effacing, sarcastic style might not be typical for award show hosts, but he’s a thousand times better of a choice than Degeneres.
- Stoners and rock fans of all ages rejoice, because for the first time in nearly two decades, Led Zeppelin will reunite as a band to play a show. Jimmy Page and Robert Plant will bring their band back together for a one-time gig to honor the memory of Ahmet Ertegun, the late co-founder of Atlantic Records. Led Zep hasn’t played together since 1987, but they will reunite to play the concert at the 02 venue on the banks of the Thames River in London on Nov. 26. John Paul Jones and the late John Bonham’s son Jason will join Page and Plant for what should be a great show.
- Someone needs to brief O.J. Simpson on the laws in this country, because clearly the Juice doesn’t quite grasp them and their significance. Already he’s proven that he doesn’t understand that it’s wrong to murder two innocent people by turning them into human Pez dispensers, and now he’s demonstrated that he doesn’t get the notion of breaking and entering or what burglary means. Las Vegas police have officially named Simpson as a suspect in an incident at the Palace Station hotel/casino in which sports memorabilia was taken from a hotel room. Simpson admitted to entering the room and taking the memorabilia, but he claimed it was simply a retrieval of stolen mementos that included his Hall of Fame certificate and a picture of the running back with J. Edgar Hoover. Initially the incident had been reported as an armed robbery involving guns, but so far police have not recovered any weapons. Simpson said auction house owner Tom Riccio called him several weeks ago to say some collectors "have a lot of your stuff and they don't want anyone to know they are selling it.” Thus, the Juice set up his own sting operation, with Riccio posing as a potential buyer for the items. Then, the Juice and some friends raided the room and took the memorabilia, but the people whose room it was came back and discovered what was going on. Right now it’s not clear whose version of the story is true, but how about the absolute brass pair displayed by the Juice here, pulling this kind of stunt. Look, Juice, I know you think you’re smarter than the cops because you brutally murdered two people and got away with it, but that doesn’t mean you can do your own commando-style raid of a hotel room to recover some memorabilia you think belongs to you. This isn't one of those crappy action movies you’ve acted in where you can administer your own vigilante justice. If someone has something that belongs to you, rather than setting up one of the most poorly concocted, ill-conceived sting operations ever, just call the cops and let them sort things out. You’ve already cheated justice once in the most offensive fashion possible, so don’t push your luck. You should be sitting on death row right now but instead you’re free, so enjoy your freedom, maybe use your time in your quest to find the “real killers.”
- Call me crazy (go ahead, I’m used to it), but the will she/won’t she debate about Sara Wayne Callies’ return to Prison Break for this coming season hasn’t dampened my enthusiasm for the show one bit. For a while now, the prevailing belief has been that Callies is gonzo, as evidenced by her near-total absence from the season premiere, with only a back-to-the-camera appearance done by a body double. However, Fox has now issued a news release saying that Callies will have a “major role” in this season’s storylines, so you can choose who you want to believe on this one. As I said, I really don’t care that much, I think it will be a great season with or without her, although if given a choice, who wouldn’t want Dr. Tancredi back? However, with an amazing cast of great (and diverse) characters, PB could still have a great year without Callies. I’m much more interested to find out what the frak SONA is and why Michael is being held there. Either way, the show returns Monday at 8 p.m., so be sure to tune in for the one great show that Fox has. This will be the one week for a while you can focus solely on Prison Break on Monday night, because the show is getting a one-week head start on Heroes, soon to return on NBC.
- Few bets in sports have been safer in recent years than banking on the fact that as he tries his never-ending comeback to the NFL, Ricky Williams is going to screw up somehow and lose his shot to play football once again. This guy has tested positive for marijuana and other drugs so many times you’d think he was a regular passenger on Willie Nelson’s tour bus. But the Rick-ster is again on the comeback trail and plans on applying for reinstatement to the NFL once he becomes eligible on Oct. 1. Ricky has been suspended four tiems for violating the league’s substance abuse policy, with the most recent ban coming in April 2006. He played in the Canadian Football league last season, but hasn’t played in the NFL since 2004. He’s tried traveling the world, going into holistic medicine, living in India, playing Canadian football, but nothing has worked in terms of keeping him clean. His attorney, David Cornwell, spoke with the blunt-loving running back this week and relayed what Williams told him. "He sounds wonderful," Cornwell said. "He sounds like he's in a great place, and I'm confident that will come through to the commissioner.” Hmm, was he very mellow and laid back on the phone? Did it sound like he was munching on Cheetos and watching a Planet Earth DVD while talking to you? I’ll believe Ricky is clean when I see it, although I’m sure some NFL team will give him a shot if Commission Roger Goodell reinstates him.
- While I don’t know that his particular brand of comedy is ideal for an awards show, I’m glad to see that Jon Stewart will be hosting the Oscars again in 2008. The host of TV’s best fake news show will take to the stage on Feb. 24 for the 80th annual Academy Awards show. Stewart hosted in 2006 and did well, so he’s getting another shot at standing in front of a room of pompous, egotistical, self-important stars who are in full self-congratulatory mode as they give out awards to themselves. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences didn’t officially say why Stewart will host instead of 2007’s choice, un-funny comedienne Ellen Degenerate, er, Degeneres, but I have a guess. How about because Degeneres isn't funny, entertaining or interesting? How’s about because chicks should not be sporting the same haircut as dudes when that cut is as short as Degeneres’? As I said, Stewart’s self-effacing, sarcastic style might not be typical for award show hosts, but he’s a thousand times better of a choice than Degeneres.
- Stoners and rock fans of all ages rejoice, because for the first time in nearly two decades, Led Zeppelin will reunite as a band to play a show. Jimmy Page and Robert Plant will bring their band back together for a one-time gig to honor the memory of Ahmet Ertegun, the late co-founder of Atlantic Records. Led Zep hasn’t played together since 1987, but they will reunite to play the concert at the 02 venue on the banks of the Thames River in London on Nov. 26. John Paul Jones and the late John Bonham’s son Jason will join Page and Plant for what should be a great show.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Soccer fan goes soccer fan, Greg Oden goes down and so does the metric system
- It’s almost as if soccer fan just can’t help himself. Soccer fan must stay true to his nature and go soccer fan at some point, no matter what the circumstances. Never was this more evident that last night during a European Cup match between the Netherlands and Albania, when a flare thrown from the stands hit an Albanian player in the head and forced the premature end of a match that had a few minutes left on the clock. To be fair, the Albanian team did have the audacity to be losing 2-1 to the Dutch, so I guess the Albanian players deserved a lit flare to the head, right? Way to go soccer fan, thanks for reminding the rest of us why you’re such a bunch of degenerate a-holes. Things don’t go your way, riot. Your players don’t play as well as you think they should or make a single mistake, throw a lit flare or urine bomb at them. Opposing fans getting on your nerves? Start a full-on gang war in the stands, setting things on fire and using any blunt object you can find as a weapon. It’s great that you all love your soccer team and follow them so passionately, but did you know that you can still be fanatical about your team without rioting and throwing flares at the players? Stadiums should not have to erect barricades and barbed wire fences around the field to protect the players, but many Euro venues do for soccer games. Seriously, you Euro soccer fans make Philadelphia fans booing Santa Claus and cheering opposing players suffering concussions seem classy by comparison.
- Sam Bowie and Bill Walton, meet Greg Oden. Oden, the top pick by the Portland Trailblazers in June’s NBA Draft, today had arthroscopic and microfracture surgery to repair articular cartilage damage in his right knee and will miss the entire upcoming season. Oden joins Walton and Bowie as Trailblazer centers who have had their promising careers wrecked by injuries, although Oden’s career hasn’t even started in earnest. He only played two summer league games before having a tonsillectomy and missing the rest of the summer schedule. Now, he will be MIA for a team that wasn’t counting on him to be the cornerstone of its resurgence. This is a catastrophic setback for the franchise, which has been donut-like in its continual inability to fill the hole in its inside game for years. Ironically, this injury by the top lottery pick in the 2007 draft could propel Portland to the bottom of the standings and a very good shot at the top pick in the 2008 draft. You do feel bad for Oden because although he did sign his rookie contract guaranteeing him several million dollars, he now has to sit by and watch the team he was supposed to help to prosperity struggle through another losing season. Also, coming back from microfracture surgery is a huge challenge, and until Amare Stoudemire did so last year, there really hadn’t been a single athlete who had undergone the procedure and made it back to anything close to the level of play he or she had been at before surgery. Best wishes to Oden for a full recovery, but this is just about the worst start to an NBA career that you could cook up in your worst nightmare.
- So the U.S. Senate isn't really buying what W. administration honks like Ambassador Ryan Crocker and Gen. David Petraeus are selling. Why that is, I really don’t know, because I felt that both Crocker and Petraeus were verrrrrry convincing as they sat before the various Senate committees looking like they were facing a firing squad armed with AK-47s. In no way did it sound like they were just administration lackeys, spouting rehashed and recycled political speak supplemented by some colorful charts they had done at Kinko’s the night before the hearings like two slacker college students trying to score a passing grade on their big project. And I for one found it extremely convincing when Crocker and Petraeus tried to explain how, despite the situation in Iraq becoming less stable and more violent by the day, we can still win if we just do a whole bunch of things that we can’t possibly do in reality. It was also nice to see how the senators did such a nice job of remaining neutral and balanced, because in no way could I tell what the opinions of congressmen like Sen. Joseph Biden, D-Del., were as he opened the hearing of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee with a ten-minute monologue openly criticizing every aspect of W.’s plan in Iraq. The senators just didn’t seem enthused by the fact that the number of civilian deaths in Iraq has recently gone down from a whole bunch to only quite a few and that some of the many warring tribal factions within Iraq have expressed “some interest” in cooperating with American plans for the country. Oh, and I guess Crocker and Petraeus just didn’t get around to explaining why we’re in Iraq to begin with, because I’m sure they both had very good explanations for that, what with the mythical weapons of mass destruction ultimately proving to be a figment of W.’s imagination. None of the senators in the hearings, not even the Republicans, seemed to accept what Crocker and Petraeus were saying. This was supposed to be a major milestone in the war in Iraq, the September trip to Capitol Hill by administration representatives to update Congress on the Mess O’Potamia. It turned out to be nothing more than a depressing confirmation of what we already knew, that things are going poorly in Iraq and they’re not going to get better any time soon. Even Crocker basically admitted as much, saying that any progress we make won't have any highly visible, tangible benchmarks that we can point to. In other words, you want us to believe that things will get better, we just won't be able to see it. Yeah, pardon me if I don’t believe you when you say that. After watching those hearings, my feelings are even stronger that we need to leave Iraq - NOW.
- Well a big, hearty F’you right back at ya, Bolivia. Apparently the Bolivian government is like an annoying seven-year-old who just got made fun of on the playground, because on Tuesday the South American nation announced that it will begin requiring visas for U.S. tourists beginning Dec. 1, following through on a promise to treat Americans in the same fashion that Bolivians entering the United States are treated in, a fashion the Bolivians find unfair and objectionable. A 30-day tourist visa for an American visiting Bolivia will cost $134, an amount shockingly similar to the one paid by Bolivians visiting the U.S. According to Bolivian Foreign Minister David Choquehuanca, U.S. citizens will now fall under Bolivia’s most highly regulated migratory category. Yeah, that’s really necessary. Like a lot of Americans are going to want to stay in your crap hole of a country for a prolonged period of time. Nice of you to basically copycat everything we’re doing, Bolivia, it shows a total lack of both creativity and maturity. You can’t even come up with own original visa policies, you have to mimic ours out of spite. Let’s face it, you always have been and always will be an afterthought for anyone looking to take a vacation to South America. I’ll stick to Brazil with maybe a side of Argentina and Chile…….
- Haven't we all heard this lie before……the metric system is coming and pretty soon, we’re all going to be using it so you’d better learn it and learn to love it. Every generation since World War I has heard the same spiel, I think, yet none of us has ever seen the metric system come to be the rule in America and it’s a good bet that we never will. The people of Ireland and Britain are right there with us, as they have successfully fought off the European Commission’s attempts to impose the metric system on their countries. Back in 1999, the European Union drafted rules designed to phase out imperial measures like the mile and the pint by 2009, but public outcry over the impending change forced the EU to reconsider and now the Brits and Irish will get to keep their systems of measurement. Personally, I’m glad to see it, because it just wouldn’t feel right to see Irishmen ordering a liter of Guinness at the local pub. It’s a pint now and it should stay a pint. Besides, now we can stop having absurd stories like the one that came out a few years ago when a British grocer was convicted of a crime for selling bananas by the pound rather than by the kilo. We’ve got the metric system on the run now, keep up the fight………
- Sam Bowie and Bill Walton, meet Greg Oden. Oden, the top pick by the Portland Trailblazers in June’s NBA Draft, today had arthroscopic and microfracture surgery to repair articular cartilage damage in his right knee and will miss the entire upcoming season. Oden joins Walton and Bowie as Trailblazer centers who have had their promising careers wrecked by injuries, although Oden’s career hasn’t even started in earnest. He only played two summer league games before having a tonsillectomy and missing the rest of the summer schedule. Now, he will be MIA for a team that wasn’t counting on him to be the cornerstone of its resurgence. This is a catastrophic setback for the franchise, which has been donut-like in its continual inability to fill the hole in its inside game for years. Ironically, this injury by the top lottery pick in the 2007 draft could propel Portland to the bottom of the standings and a very good shot at the top pick in the 2008 draft. You do feel bad for Oden because although he did sign his rookie contract guaranteeing him several million dollars, he now has to sit by and watch the team he was supposed to help to prosperity struggle through another losing season. Also, coming back from microfracture surgery is a huge challenge, and until Amare Stoudemire did so last year, there really hadn’t been a single athlete who had undergone the procedure and made it back to anything close to the level of play he or she had been at before surgery. Best wishes to Oden for a full recovery, but this is just about the worst start to an NBA career that you could cook up in your worst nightmare.
- So the U.S. Senate isn't really buying what W. administration honks like Ambassador Ryan Crocker and Gen. David Petraeus are selling. Why that is, I really don’t know, because I felt that both Crocker and Petraeus were verrrrrry convincing as they sat before the various Senate committees looking like they were facing a firing squad armed with AK-47s. In no way did it sound like they were just administration lackeys, spouting rehashed and recycled political speak supplemented by some colorful charts they had done at Kinko’s the night before the hearings like two slacker college students trying to score a passing grade on their big project. And I for one found it extremely convincing when Crocker and Petraeus tried to explain how, despite the situation in Iraq becoming less stable and more violent by the day, we can still win if we just do a whole bunch of things that we can’t possibly do in reality. It was also nice to see how the senators did such a nice job of remaining neutral and balanced, because in no way could I tell what the opinions of congressmen like Sen. Joseph Biden, D-Del., were as he opened the hearing of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee with a ten-minute monologue openly criticizing every aspect of W.’s plan in Iraq. The senators just didn’t seem enthused by the fact that the number of civilian deaths in Iraq has recently gone down from a whole bunch to only quite a few and that some of the many warring tribal factions within Iraq have expressed “some interest” in cooperating with American plans for the country. Oh, and I guess Crocker and Petraeus just didn’t get around to explaining why we’re in Iraq to begin with, because I’m sure they both had very good explanations for that, what with the mythical weapons of mass destruction ultimately proving to be a figment of W.’s imagination. None of the senators in the hearings, not even the Republicans, seemed to accept what Crocker and Petraeus were saying. This was supposed to be a major milestone in the war in Iraq, the September trip to Capitol Hill by administration representatives to update Congress on the Mess O’Potamia. It turned out to be nothing more than a depressing confirmation of what we already knew, that things are going poorly in Iraq and they’re not going to get better any time soon. Even Crocker basically admitted as much, saying that any progress we make won't have any highly visible, tangible benchmarks that we can point to. In other words, you want us to believe that things will get better, we just won't be able to see it. Yeah, pardon me if I don’t believe you when you say that. After watching those hearings, my feelings are even stronger that we need to leave Iraq - NOW.
- Well a big, hearty F’you right back at ya, Bolivia. Apparently the Bolivian government is like an annoying seven-year-old who just got made fun of on the playground, because on Tuesday the South American nation announced that it will begin requiring visas for U.S. tourists beginning Dec. 1, following through on a promise to treat Americans in the same fashion that Bolivians entering the United States are treated in, a fashion the Bolivians find unfair and objectionable. A 30-day tourist visa for an American visiting Bolivia will cost $134, an amount shockingly similar to the one paid by Bolivians visiting the U.S. According to Bolivian Foreign Minister David Choquehuanca, U.S. citizens will now fall under Bolivia’s most highly regulated migratory category. Yeah, that’s really necessary. Like a lot of Americans are going to want to stay in your crap hole of a country for a prolonged period of time. Nice of you to basically copycat everything we’re doing, Bolivia, it shows a total lack of both creativity and maturity. You can’t even come up with own original visa policies, you have to mimic ours out of spite. Let’s face it, you always have been and always will be an afterthought for anyone looking to take a vacation to South America. I’ll stick to Brazil with maybe a side of Argentina and Chile…….
- Haven't we all heard this lie before……the metric system is coming and pretty soon, we’re all going to be using it so you’d better learn it and learn to love it. Every generation since World War I has heard the same spiel, I think, yet none of us has ever seen the metric system come to be the rule in America and it’s a good bet that we never will. The people of Ireland and Britain are right there with us, as they have successfully fought off the European Commission’s attempts to impose the metric system on their countries. Back in 1999, the European Union drafted rules designed to phase out imperial measures like the mile and the pint by 2009, but public outcry over the impending change forced the EU to reconsider and now the Brits and Irish will get to keep their systems of measurement. Personally, I’m glad to see it, because it just wouldn’t feel right to see Irishmen ordering a liter of Guinness at the local pub. It’s a pint now and it should stay a pint. Besides, now we can stop having absurd stories like the one that came out a few years ago when a British grocer was convicted of a crime for selling bananas by the pound rather than by the kilo. We’ve got the metric system on the run now, keep up the fight………
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Rosie O'Fat, you still suck, so does DWTDLS and how the MTV VMAs could have sucked a little less
- Wow, ABC must really be starved for programming, because I really cant think of any other excuse to make the premiere of Dancing With the (D-List) Stars an “three-night event.” Look, I know thousands and thousands of women in the 18-49 age bracket will watch this show because for whatever reason, women are more inclined to like dancing than men. Of course, that still doesn’t explain why anyone likes this bomb of a show, with people who are so far removed from being actual stars that not even a compass, map and GPS could get them in the same time zone as stardom. Calling it a three-night event doesn’t obscure what a joke your show is, nor does it lend it any legitimacy. The premiere of Lost will be a television event, the start of the NFL season was an event, but a bunch of hack D-list celebs all looking to jump start their acting careers that are deader than W.’s chances of being remembered as our greatest president ever, getting together and doing lame ballroom dances is not an event. Again, I ask how you morons cancelled a show like Traveler and yet you fill your hours of programming with this drivel? Why is it that the dumbest people in television are the ones making the schedule instead of the ones serving the Jell-O in the cafeteria?
- It was absolutely awesome to hear the news that Buffalo Bills backup tight end Kevin Everrett is likely to walk again after suffering a catastrophic neck injury in Sunday’s game against Denver. Originally the prognosis for Everett had not been good, with his doctor doubtful that he would ever make a full neurological recovery. Yet as the day progressed on Tuesday and updates began coming out, optimism that Everett would walk again soared. His doctor revised his prognosis and said that once Everett was allowed out of his heavily sedated state, he began to show major signs of improvement, moving all of his extremities voluntarily. I am thrilled to hear that he will make a full recovery, because his injury happened on such a normal looking play that you would never expect anyone to be hurt this seriously during it. Why is it, by the way, that the plays on which guys suffer serious neck and spinal injuries seem to so often look benign and harmless, yet the plays where a guy really gets blown up or hit hard don’t seem to be the ones resulting in such serious injuries? I’m sure as Everett went in to make the tackle, the idea that something like this could happen never crossed his mind. I don’t know if he’ll ever play again (I would doubt it, but you never know), but even if he doesn’t, simply by walking again he’ll have made a heroic effort. I also hope that the Bills, the NFL and the players’ association take care of him financially and medically if his career is indeed over, because he deserves all the those three can give him. Get well, Kevin, we all hope to see you back on your feet (literally) soon.
- There are few (possibly none) things you can point to, say “That’s wrong,” and have everyone agree. The world just doesn’t work that way because we’re all different and diverse – except for when it comes to the situation I’m about to mention. There is no way this is ok or acceptable on any level at any time, period. It happened recently when Brian Christopher Thomas, a University of Texas fan, walked into a Henry Henderson’s Pub in Oklahoma City, which is a bar normally packed with fans of the University of Oklahoma, Texas’ biggest rival. Thomas was sporting his burnt orange UT gear, which he had to know was going to cause some trouble. However, when I say “some trouble,” I don’t mean that he should have known that another bar patron would grab him by the package and slam him to the ground, all the while refusing to release his kung-fu death grip on Thomas’ junk. Yet there was 53-year-old Allen Michael Beckett, trying to perform his own unofficial sex change operation by removing Thomas’ bag, even as other patrons tried to break it up. Far be it from me to tell people what they can or can’t do for fun, but if you’re a 53-year-old and you still want to frequent sports bars and hang with the college crowd, the least you can do is not act like a drunk 19-year-old. What’s worse is that based on police reports from the incident, Beckett was the instigator, talking smack to Thomas as soon as he entered the bar and keeping it up even as Thomas paid his tab and went to leave. What Beckett did is wrong on so many levels, I wince in pain just thinking about it. You can get away with a lot in a bar brawl – gouging the eyes, elbows to the stomach, knee to the midsection, sucker punch – but you absolutely, positively can not, EVER, grab another dude’s package and pull on it. It’s wrong, period, and I hope that the judge in this case stands up for guys everywhere and levies the steepest penalty allowable under the law to one Allen Michael Beckett.
- I’m going to start encouraging everyone right now not to buy Rosie O’Donnell’s upcoming book, Celebrity Detox. There is absolutely no need to perpetuate the continual farce that is O’Fat’s existence and to make her believe that anyone cares or wants t ohear what her fat a** thinks. Do not put any more money in her pocket to buy her massive supply of Ho-ho’s, Ding Dongs, Ring Dings, doughnuts, cupcakes, brownies, pies, Moon Pies, Snowballs, Cheetos, pork rinds, Oreos, etc. The fact is, based on her idiotic and ill-reasoned opinions, reading her book would be a waste of time. Besides, enough of the more interesting tidbits will come out in the public anyhow, so that will give us plenty with which to mock O’Fat. Take, for example, her take on Barbara Walters. Babs needs to hang it up, according to O’Fat, even though at the the age of 77, Walters is still a thousand times sharper and more intelligent than O’Fat. “At some point, a person gets tired. It’s inevitable,” O’Fat writes in her book. Hey Rosie, the reason it’s inevitable that you’ll get tired is because at some point during the day, you’ll have to lug your fat a** up more than two stairs and you’ll end up winded and gasping for air. “Barbara Walters is almost twice my age….at some point it becomes necessary to step back. Everyone has to go. Going is part of the gig,” reads another excerpt from the book. Umm, O’Fat, here again you are showing that you aren’t smart or, as David Beckham might say, too good with the maths. See, you are 45 years old, Walters is 77. Twice your age would be 90, so no, she is not almost twice your age. Almost twice your age would be anyone 85 or over, but nice try. Also, on the part about stepping back and going away…..why don’t you try stepping back from the buffet line first, you fat cow. Second, isn’t it amazing that you wore out your welcome in less than a year and you were the one who had to leave, while Walters is still around and still doing ten times the job you ever did. No one likes you, no one respects you and no one thinks of you as anything other than a flabby, big-mouthed, crass, rude loser and you’re the one who needs to go away permanently. Do I need to pull out one of Donald Trump’s world-class verbal beatdowns of you to shut you up. “Rosie is disgusting, both inside and out,” quoth the Donald. “Rosie is a loser.” Well said Donald, well said.
- We all need to be thankful that the Kid Rock-Tommy Lee fight backstage at the MTV Video Music Awards went down the way it did. Two rail-thin, middle-aged dudes swinging at each other is not a big deal, and it could have been a whole lot worse. Both Rock and Lee are exes of Pamela Anderson, which probably had a lot to do with the fight. But just imagine if every musician or celebrity who had ever f****d Anderson had been involved in the brawl, do you know how bad that would have been? It would have made most prison riots seem small and tame by comparison. Be glad that only two or her former paramours (and two of the less physically imposing ones) were involved, but also be sad because I wish Pam had been there to step in and try to break things up, only to have her top ripped off in the process……but I digress. Bad blood and near-fights have been a part of the MTV Awards for as long as they’ve gone on, ever since the Guns N’ Roses v. Nirvana showdowns in the early ‘90s. Personally I would have rather seen the fight on stage in place of the train wreck that was Britney Spears and the worst lip-syncing effort of all time.
- It was absolutely awesome to hear the news that Buffalo Bills backup tight end Kevin Everrett is likely to walk again after suffering a catastrophic neck injury in Sunday’s game against Denver. Originally the prognosis for Everett had not been good, with his doctor doubtful that he would ever make a full neurological recovery. Yet as the day progressed on Tuesday and updates began coming out, optimism that Everett would walk again soared. His doctor revised his prognosis and said that once Everett was allowed out of his heavily sedated state, he began to show major signs of improvement, moving all of his extremities voluntarily. I am thrilled to hear that he will make a full recovery, because his injury happened on such a normal looking play that you would never expect anyone to be hurt this seriously during it. Why is it, by the way, that the plays on which guys suffer serious neck and spinal injuries seem to so often look benign and harmless, yet the plays where a guy really gets blown up or hit hard don’t seem to be the ones resulting in such serious injuries? I’m sure as Everett went in to make the tackle, the idea that something like this could happen never crossed his mind. I don’t know if he’ll ever play again (I would doubt it, but you never know), but even if he doesn’t, simply by walking again he’ll have made a heroic effort. I also hope that the Bills, the NFL and the players’ association take care of him financially and medically if his career is indeed over, because he deserves all the those three can give him. Get well, Kevin, we all hope to see you back on your feet (literally) soon.
- There are few (possibly none) things you can point to, say “That’s wrong,” and have everyone agree. The world just doesn’t work that way because we’re all different and diverse – except for when it comes to the situation I’m about to mention. There is no way this is ok or acceptable on any level at any time, period. It happened recently when Brian Christopher Thomas, a University of Texas fan, walked into a Henry Henderson’s Pub in Oklahoma City, which is a bar normally packed with fans of the University of Oklahoma, Texas’ biggest rival. Thomas was sporting his burnt orange UT gear, which he had to know was going to cause some trouble. However, when I say “some trouble,” I don’t mean that he should have known that another bar patron would grab him by the package and slam him to the ground, all the while refusing to release his kung-fu death grip on Thomas’ junk. Yet there was 53-year-old Allen Michael Beckett, trying to perform his own unofficial sex change operation by removing Thomas’ bag, even as other patrons tried to break it up. Far be it from me to tell people what they can or can’t do for fun, but if you’re a 53-year-old and you still want to frequent sports bars and hang with the college crowd, the least you can do is not act like a drunk 19-year-old. What’s worse is that based on police reports from the incident, Beckett was the instigator, talking smack to Thomas as soon as he entered the bar and keeping it up even as Thomas paid his tab and went to leave. What Beckett did is wrong on so many levels, I wince in pain just thinking about it. You can get away with a lot in a bar brawl – gouging the eyes, elbows to the stomach, knee to the midsection, sucker punch – but you absolutely, positively can not, EVER, grab another dude’s package and pull on it. It’s wrong, period, and I hope that the judge in this case stands up for guys everywhere and levies the steepest penalty allowable under the law to one Allen Michael Beckett.
- I’m going to start encouraging everyone right now not to buy Rosie O’Donnell’s upcoming book, Celebrity Detox. There is absolutely no need to perpetuate the continual farce that is O’Fat’s existence and to make her believe that anyone cares or wants t ohear what her fat a** thinks. Do not put any more money in her pocket to buy her massive supply of Ho-ho’s, Ding Dongs, Ring Dings, doughnuts, cupcakes, brownies, pies, Moon Pies, Snowballs, Cheetos, pork rinds, Oreos, etc. The fact is, based on her idiotic and ill-reasoned opinions, reading her book would be a waste of time. Besides, enough of the more interesting tidbits will come out in the public anyhow, so that will give us plenty with which to mock O’Fat. Take, for example, her take on Barbara Walters. Babs needs to hang it up, according to O’Fat, even though at the the age of 77, Walters is still a thousand times sharper and more intelligent than O’Fat. “At some point, a person gets tired. It’s inevitable,” O’Fat writes in her book. Hey Rosie, the reason it’s inevitable that you’ll get tired is because at some point during the day, you’ll have to lug your fat a** up more than two stairs and you’ll end up winded and gasping for air. “Barbara Walters is almost twice my age….at some point it becomes necessary to step back. Everyone has to go. Going is part of the gig,” reads another excerpt from the book. Umm, O’Fat, here again you are showing that you aren’t smart or, as David Beckham might say, too good with the maths. See, you are 45 years old, Walters is 77. Twice your age would be 90, so no, she is not almost twice your age. Almost twice your age would be anyone 85 or over, but nice try. Also, on the part about stepping back and going away…..why don’t you try stepping back from the buffet line first, you fat cow. Second, isn’t it amazing that you wore out your welcome in less than a year and you were the one who had to leave, while Walters is still around and still doing ten times the job you ever did. No one likes you, no one respects you and no one thinks of you as anything other than a flabby, big-mouthed, crass, rude loser and you’re the one who needs to go away permanently. Do I need to pull out one of Donald Trump’s world-class verbal beatdowns of you to shut you up. “Rosie is disgusting, both inside and out,” quoth the Donald. “Rosie is a loser.” Well said Donald, well said.
- We all need to be thankful that the Kid Rock-Tommy Lee fight backstage at the MTV Video Music Awards went down the way it did. Two rail-thin, middle-aged dudes swinging at each other is not a big deal, and it could have been a whole lot worse. Both Rock and Lee are exes of Pamela Anderson, which probably had a lot to do with the fight. But just imagine if every musician or celebrity who had ever f****d Anderson had been involved in the brawl, do you know how bad that would have been? It would have made most prison riots seem small and tame by comparison. Be glad that only two or her former paramours (and two of the less physically imposing ones) were involved, but also be sad because I wish Pam had been there to step in and try to break things up, only to have her top ripped off in the process……but I digress. Bad blood and near-fights have been a part of the MTV Awards for as long as they’ve gone on, ever since the Guns N’ Roses v. Nirvana showdowns in the early ‘90s. Personally I would have rather seen the fight on stage in place of the train wreck that was Britney Spears and the worst lip-syncing effort of all time.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
College football player turns killer, Greek ends Season One and the Patriots, the KGB of the NFL
- There are some crime stories involving collegiate athletes that can be taken with a dose of humor or at least not with a stern, serious approach. The story of University of New Hampshire quarterback Hank Hendricks is not one of those stories, to be sure. Late last week, Hendricks was indicted on murder charges by a California grand jury after he allegedly beat a professional surfer to death in May. According to a police report, Hendricks and four other men beat Emery Kauanui to death at his home in La Jolla on May 24. Kauanui died a few days later. Seth Cravens, Eric House, Orlando Osuna and Matthew Yanke also are charged with murder, assault and battery for the incident and have pleaded not guilty. I don’t know exactly what transpired, but this goes to show you that when in groups, guys (especially young guys) tend to do really stupid things. Bottom line, though, no matter whether this guy slept with your girlfriend, scratched your car, talked junk to you and challenged your manhood, stole money from you, when you make the decision that exacting revenge by beating him to death is your best choice you show just how dumb your really are. Now, all four of these guys are likely going to jail for a long, long time all because they couldn’t keep their machismo in check. On a side note, how amazing is it that a guy with a potential murder charge hanging over his head not only returned to school this semester but was actually allowed to remain on the football team up until his suspension once the charges came down. To be fair, Hendricks was a backup and didn’t play much last season, but how is he not indefinitely suspended long before now? Just asking. All in all, just a sad story that’s going to ruin the lives of a whole lot of people by the time it’s done.
- Greek ended its first season last night with a great season finale – assuming you don’t demand wall-to-wall happy endings in order to enjoy a finale. In fact, every single significant character ended the season on a downer, with almost none of the omnipresent humor that has been a staple of the show in its first season. The entire episode centered around an anonymous story published in the campus newspaper at Cyprus Rhodes detailing the wealth of inappropriate, shady and often-illegal activities going on in the Greek system at the university. Dean Bowman (guest star Alan Ruck) calls all of the Greek presidents together and lays down the law, promising serious changes to the Greek system next semester. This scene actually provided the only levity of the entire episode, predictably from Cappie as he challenged the dean as if an attorney in a courtroom. Asked by his sidekick Wade if he had once been pre-law (as per the show’s running joke of the many former majors of Cappie), he replied, “Not yet, but I’m digging the suit.” When Zeta Beta Zeta president Frannie leads everyone in a charge to find out who the mole is that has revealed the damaging information in the story, but that mole hunt doesn’t end up being the theme of the episode that you’d expect it to be. The hunt ends quickly when Jen K., ZBZ pledge and girlfriend of Rusty, confides that she’s the mole. In fact, she only rushed the sorority so she could get the inside scoop for the story, which gets picked up nationally, this forcing her to reveal her identity. From there, the dominos fall and close out a great first season with a sad ending. Rusty can’t handle the deception by Jen K. and what she’s done to the fraternity he’s come to love, so he ends their relationship (idiot! Jen K. is hot, smart and she loves him). The scandalous details in the story come largely from Zeta Beta, so a national representative from the sorority (guest star Charisma Carpenter) comes to investigate. This leads to Frannie trying to stonewall her and being ousted as president (sad ending #2), with Casey taking over as interim president after moving to diffuse the crisis. However, Frannie stirs the pot by putting ideas in Evan’s head about why Casey is with him and the resulting tension leads to Evan and Casey breaking up (sad ending #3). On the side was the Calvin-Ashleigh storyline, with Ashleigh kissing Calvin and him revealing to her that even though she dumped her long-time boyfriend, he’s not interested in her because he’s gay. She’s hurt but rebounds and tries to make amends, only to inadvertently reveal to Calvin’s frat brothers at Omega Chi that he’s gay. This leads to the demise of their friendship (sad ending #4) and Calvin’s decision to leave Omega Chi (sad ending #5). As the episode closes, we find that a drunken Cappie has slept with Casey’s nemesis, Rebecca Logan, despite he and Casey still having feelings for each other (sad ending #6). In the last scene, Rusty and Casey drive off into the sunset as the semester ends, capping nine fun-filled episodes. As I said, it was a dramatic finale with little to no real laughs, and it is rare to see a show end a season with an all-around downer like this, but it was still a good episode. The show will return early next year, and I’m already excited about what Season Two has in store.
- The New England Patriots were already so easy to despise, they really didn’t need to give us another reason to hate them. Nonetheless, Bill Belichick and Co. have done just that, committing one of the most egregious and despicable examples of on-field cheating the NFL has seen in years. According to the Pats’ opponent from last week, the New York Jets, the Patriots were guilty of having one of their video assistants on the sideline, filming the Jets’ defensive coaches making their play calls during the game. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has decided that the Patriots have in fact violated league rules and he will now research the matter further and levy some sort of punishment against New England. So why is what the Patriots did a big deal, you ask? It’s simple actually. Because an overheard Polaroid picture is taken of every single play in every single game, both prior to the snap of the ball and as the ball is snapped, teams can see what formations and alignments opponents are using. If the Patriots took their video from a given play, saw what signal was sent in and matched that up with the defensive formation the Jets used on that play, they would have a huge advantage. As the game went on, they could watch the signals being sent in and when they saw a particular signal, they would know exactly what defensive formation and scheme the Jets were going to use and adjust to counter that scheme. Speculation is that the penalty for this offense could be one or more lost draft picks or a hefty fine, but I’m hoping for both. Take away the Patriots’ first-round pick this year and a second rounder next year and fine them $1 million. Send the message to a team that already lies, deceives, manipulates and skirts the rules when it comes to being forthright on their weekly injury report that their KGB-style operations and undermining of the competitive balance in the NFL is unacceptable. Wipe the smug smirk off that a-hole Belichick’s face by telling him that he’s just lost those two draft picks and cost his team a million dollars because of his sleazy tactics.
- I just couldn’t let this event pass without one final salute, so you’ll have to forgive me for indulging my inner TV dork. Tonight, for the last time, Gilmore Girls aired on the CW/WB, ending an amazing, fantastic seven-year run for the best TV show I’ve ever watched. Yes, Gilmore Girls did have its official finale back in May, but throughout the summer, the CW has run the entire seventh season in its entirety in repeats and tonight was the re-air of the finale. Next week, the insipidly stupid next installment of TV’s second biggest waste of time (just behind American Karaoke and just ahead of Dancing with the D-List Stars) Beauty and the Geek, kicks off another season. So I, being the ultimate Gilmore Girls honk, felt compelled one last time to say thanks to everyone involved in my favorite TV show ever. So to all of the cast, crew, writers, producers and executives who were a part of any of the seven seasons, thanks so much to all of you. It was a wonderful ride and one that ended far too soon. Yeah, there are reruns on ABC Family and DVDs for all seven seasons (the complete series on DVD comes out in a package deal in November), but it just won't be the same. Watching tonight and realizing it was the last time I would ever see GG in its Tuesday night, 8 p.m. time slot was sad. There is talk of a possible Gilmore movie written by the show’s creator and longtime producer, Amy Sherman-Palladino, who was forced out after the shows sixth season, so keep your ears peeled for news on that. One last time, I just have to say that Tuesday nights just won't be the same without Rory, Lorelai, Luke and the rest of Stars Hollow. So adios to Gilmore Girls, you’ll be sorely missed. Copper boom!
- Y’know, if this continues, you’re going to start seeing more and more holdouts from terrorists training camps around the world. A California man was sentenced to 24 years in prison Monday for attending an al-Qaida training camp in Pakistan and returning to the United States “willing to wage violent Jihad.” Hamid Hayat, a U.S. citizen, was convicted in April 2006 of giving material support to terrorists and lying to FBI agents, crimes for which he could have received up to 39 years in prison. The true irony here as that Hayat had threatened to hold out from al-Qaida training camp unless the organization renegotiated his contract, which currently puts him in the lower 20 percent of terrorists worldwide in terms of annual salary. In response to those demands, al-Qaida had threatened to slap the franchise tag on Hayat, thereby preventing him from signing with other terrorist organizations unless those organizations provided al-Qaida with substantial compensation, such as two early-round picks in the upcoming terrorist suicide bomber draft. Honestly, training camp is a waste of time anyhow, because as we all know, the best terrorists don’t need to be in camp to get ready for the regular season……
- Greek ended its first season last night with a great season finale – assuming you don’t demand wall-to-wall happy endings in order to enjoy a finale. In fact, every single significant character ended the season on a downer, with almost none of the omnipresent humor that has been a staple of the show in its first season. The entire episode centered around an anonymous story published in the campus newspaper at Cyprus Rhodes detailing the wealth of inappropriate, shady and often-illegal activities going on in the Greek system at the university. Dean Bowman (guest star Alan Ruck) calls all of the Greek presidents together and lays down the law, promising serious changes to the Greek system next semester. This scene actually provided the only levity of the entire episode, predictably from Cappie as he challenged the dean as if an attorney in a courtroom. Asked by his sidekick Wade if he had once been pre-law (as per the show’s running joke of the many former majors of Cappie), he replied, “Not yet, but I’m digging the suit.” When Zeta Beta Zeta president Frannie leads everyone in a charge to find out who the mole is that has revealed the damaging information in the story, but that mole hunt doesn’t end up being the theme of the episode that you’d expect it to be. The hunt ends quickly when Jen K., ZBZ pledge and girlfriend of Rusty, confides that she’s the mole. In fact, she only rushed the sorority so she could get the inside scoop for the story, which gets picked up nationally, this forcing her to reveal her identity. From there, the dominos fall and close out a great first season with a sad ending. Rusty can’t handle the deception by Jen K. and what she’s done to the fraternity he’s come to love, so he ends their relationship (idiot! Jen K. is hot, smart and she loves him). The scandalous details in the story come largely from Zeta Beta, so a national representative from the sorority (guest star Charisma Carpenter) comes to investigate. This leads to Frannie trying to stonewall her and being ousted as president (sad ending #2), with Casey taking over as interim president after moving to diffuse the crisis. However, Frannie stirs the pot by putting ideas in Evan’s head about why Casey is with him and the resulting tension leads to Evan and Casey breaking up (sad ending #3). On the side was the Calvin-Ashleigh storyline, with Ashleigh kissing Calvin and him revealing to her that even though she dumped her long-time boyfriend, he’s not interested in her because he’s gay. She’s hurt but rebounds and tries to make amends, only to inadvertently reveal to Calvin’s frat brothers at Omega Chi that he’s gay. This leads to the demise of their friendship (sad ending #4) and Calvin’s decision to leave Omega Chi (sad ending #5). As the episode closes, we find that a drunken Cappie has slept with Casey’s nemesis, Rebecca Logan, despite he and Casey still having feelings for each other (sad ending #6). In the last scene, Rusty and Casey drive off into the sunset as the semester ends, capping nine fun-filled episodes. As I said, it was a dramatic finale with little to no real laughs, and it is rare to see a show end a season with an all-around downer like this, but it was still a good episode. The show will return early next year, and I’m already excited about what Season Two has in store.
- The New England Patriots were already so easy to despise, they really didn’t need to give us another reason to hate them. Nonetheless, Bill Belichick and Co. have done just that, committing one of the most egregious and despicable examples of on-field cheating the NFL has seen in years. According to the Pats’ opponent from last week, the New York Jets, the Patriots were guilty of having one of their video assistants on the sideline, filming the Jets’ defensive coaches making their play calls during the game. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has decided that the Patriots have in fact violated league rules and he will now research the matter further and levy some sort of punishment against New England. So why is what the Patriots did a big deal, you ask? It’s simple actually. Because an overheard Polaroid picture is taken of every single play in every single game, both prior to the snap of the ball and as the ball is snapped, teams can see what formations and alignments opponents are using. If the Patriots took their video from a given play, saw what signal was sent in and matched that up with the defensive formation the Jets used on that play, they would have a huge advantage. As the game went on, they could watch the signals being sent in and when they saw a particular signal, they would know exactly what defensive formation and scheme the Jets were going to use and adjust to counter that scheme. Speculation is that the penalty for this offense could be one or more lost draft picks or a hefty fine, but I’m hoping for both. Take away the Patriots’ first-round pick this year and a second rounder next year and fine them $1 million. Send the message to a team that already lies, deceives, manipulates and skirts the rules when it comes to being forthright on their weekly injury report that their KGB-style operations and undermining of the competitive balance in the NFL is unacceptable. Wipe the smug smirk off that a-hole Belichick’s face by telling him that he’s just lost those two draft picks and cost his team a million dollars because of his sleazy tactics.
- I just couldn’t let this event pass without one final salute, so you’ll have to forgive me for indulging my inner TV dork. Tonight, for the last time, Gilmore Girls aired on the CW/WB, ending an amazing, fantastic seven-year run for the best TV show I’ve ever watched. Yes, Gilmore Girls did have its official finale back in May, but throughout the summer, the CW has run the entire seventh season in its entirety in repeats and tonight was the re-air of the finale. Next week, the insipidly stupid next installment of TV’s second biggest waste of time (just behind American Karaoke and just ahead of Dancing with the D-List Stars) Beauty and the Geek, kicks off another season. So I, being the ultimate Gilmore Girls honk, felt compelled one last time to say thanks to everyone involved in my favorite TV show ever. So to all of the cast, crew, writers, producers and executives who were a part of any of the seven seasons, thanks so much to all of you. It was a wonderful ride and one that ended far too soon. Yeah, there are reruns on ABC Family and DVDs for all seven seasons (the complete series on DVD comes out in a package deal in November), but it just won't be the same. Watching tonight and realizing it was the last time I would ever see GG in its Tuesday night, 8 p.m. time slot was sad. There is talk of a possible Gilmore movie written by the show’s creator and longtime producer, Amy Sherman-Palladino, who was forced out after the shows sixth season, so keep your ears peeled for news on that. One last time, I just have to say that Tuesday nights just won't be the same without Rory, Lorelai, Luke and the rest of Stars Hollow. So adios to Gilmore Girls, you’ll be sorely missed. Copper boom!
- Y’know, if this continues, you’re going to start seeing more and more holdouts from terrorists training camps around the world. A California man was sentenced to 24 years in prison Monday for attending an al-Qaida training camp in Pakistan and returning to the United States “willing to wage violent Jihad.” Hamid Hayat, a U.S. citizen, was convicted in April 2006 of giving material support to terrorists and lying to FBI agents, crimes for which he could have received up to 39 years in prison. The true irony here as that Hayat had threatened to hold out from al-Qaida training camp unless the organization renegotiated his contract, which currently puts him in the lower 20 percent of terrorists worldwide in terms of annual salary. In response to those demands, al-Qaida had threatened to slap the franchise tag on Hayat, thereby preventing him from signing with other terrorist organizations unless those organizations provided al-Qaida with substantial compensation, such as two early-round picks in the upcoming terrorist suicide bomber draft. Honestly, training camp is a waste of time anyhow, because as we all know, the best terrorists don’t need to be in camp to get ready for the regular season……
Monday, September 10, 2007
B. Spears lives down to my expectations, I hope Asafa Powell is clean and one handyman you do not want to hire
- Congrats to Jamaica’s Asafa Powell on breaking his own world record and establishing a new mark for the 100-meter dash with his 9.74 clocking at a meet in Rieti, Italy over the weekend, here’s hoping his story doesn’t end the way most stories involving world-class sprinters do nowadays. Powell had previously held the record with a time of 9.77 seconds, a mark he had reached three times. Now I’m hoping he can outrun the seemingly inevitable positive test for performance-enhancing drugs that far too many elite track athletes get hit with once they reach the top. Tim Montgomery had it happen to him and lost his title as the world’s fastest man. Back in 1988, Ben Johnson won Olympic gold in the 100 only to lose it and his career after testing positive for ‘roids. Shot putter C.J. Hunter had his career crashed after a positive test, with all three of these guys adding fuel to the argument that track is neck-and-neck with cycling for the title of the dirtiest sport around. I don’t have any reason to suspect that Powell is taking anything he shouldn’t be taking, well, other than the fact that he competes in track and field. But there are no allegations against him and to the best of my knowledge he’s never failed a test, so that’s good news. Still, I cant say I will be at all surprised if, a few months down the road, I read that he has been popped for using steroids, suspended from competition and stripped of his record, if for no other reason than the fact that a whole lot of athletes from every sport you can think of are being linked to steroids on an almost daily basis. Stay clean, Asafa, and give us all a pleasant surprise that all sports fans could really use at this point.
- I’m not a huge fan of Westerns, because they can be some of the cheesiest, most clichéd movies you’ll ever see. There have been a few good Westerns made, though not as many in recent years. Other than The Quick and the Dead, which is kinda recent but still dated, I cant remember the last good Western I saw…..until 3:10 to Yuma, a remake of an old Western that hit theaters this past weekend. The original version was made in 1957 and was based on a short story written in 1953 by Elmore Leonard, a legendary American crime fiction author. It’s a movie with plenty of violence and action, yet set on the beautiful frontier in bygone times. The story centers on rancher Dan Evans (Christian Bale), who will lose his land to the coming raileroad unless he pays off massive debts on the land with money he doesn’t have. To earn that money, he agrees to be part of a group escorting the outlaw Ben Wade (Russell Crowe) to Yuma to board a prison train. Wade has numerous chances to kill Evans but doesn’t because even though he’s an outlaw, he operates on a sort of honor code when it comes to who he kills. I won't spoil any more of the plot for you, but over all it’s a well done film that has a gritty, real quality to it that makes it thoroughly enjoyable. The film was the top box officer earner for the weekend, taking in a modest $14.1 million. (Side note: Superbad was third with $8 million, which was enough to put it over the $100 million mark.) Sadly, 3:10 seems doomed for a disappointing run, as most of its audience thus far has been in the 50+ age bracket, not the ideal demographic for an action movie. I think it’s because many of those people remember the original 3:10 to Yuma and thus wanted to see the remake, but I’m surprised that not a lot of people from younger age groups wanted to see a Russell Crowe flick. No, he’s not Heath Ledger, Orlando Bloom or Johnny Depp, but Crowe still knows how to drink, brawl and chase chicks like those guys and he’s a good actor, so I’d suggest you give this movie a chance, you won't be disappointed.
- Kudos to Britney Spears for living down to expectations with her performance at the MTV Video Music Awards last night. Thankfully I didn’t watch that debacle of an awards show (although with MTV’s re-air rate for awards shows, I’ll have another 1,455 chances between now and Halloween), but I did see a few still images of Spears’ performance and also a über-brief audio snippet of her act and…..wow. Feel free to mix in a salad and cut down from five or six breakfast burritos and sausage biscuits with gravy to one or two, Brit. And before you criticize me to mocking someone’s physical appearance, first I recommend that you take a look at the pictures yourself and then I remind you that when someone wears the kind of revealing, gawd-awful outfit that Spears sported last night, they are fair game for any sort of analysis on their appearance that anyone can come up with. This is a lot more than a girl simply filling out as she grows up, this is a case of packing on the pregnancy pounds for two kids, adding on to that and then attempting some haphazard effort to get into better shape while still eating like a high school wrestler trying to pack on the pounds and move up a weight class for the big meet. Brit, you need to realize that with the abominable crap-ola you call music coming out of your mouth, well, actually coming out of the speakers as you lip sync to it, you had better look really hot if you expect anyone to want to see you perform. If you show up looking like you do right now, you’re nothing more than an out-of-shape, talent-deprived loser who might actually be more musically offensive than an American Karaoke contestant. Shape up or get lost, Spears, because as long as you’re flabby you’ve got no real skills at all.
- If you live in the San Francisco Bay area, I have a strong recommendation for you on one handyman that you should never, ever, under any circumstances hire. His name is Percy Honnibal, and there’s a very simple yet powerful reason not to hire him. It seems Percy, a 51-year-old carpenter from Oakland, has a predilection for plying his craft, um, in the nude. He was recently acquitted by Alameda County Superior Court Judge Julie Conger on charges of indecent exposure after he was spotted building cabinets in the nude at a home where he had been hired to work. The judge ruled that he wasn’t guilty of a crime because he wasn’t acting lewdly or seeking sexual gratification, which of course makes the emotional scarring for anyone who had to see him in that state any less awful. Percy needs to take a cue from one particular episode of Seinfeld where Jerry’s girlfriend liked to hang out naked around the apartment, but when he tried to prove that it bothered him by doing carpentry (specifically, sanding the floor) in the nude, she explained to him that there’s good naked and bad naked, and doing home improvement work in the nude is bad naked. Same goes for you, Percy. And no, I don’t care that you think it’s ok because it’s more comfortable working that way and it keeps your clothes clean. Bro, you’re a carpenter, if you’re worried about clean clothes, you’ve chosen the wrong profession. Also, the great thing about clothes is that they can be washed and you can also put on some less expensive, older clothes that you don’t mind getting dirty if that’s a problem. Plus, I can’t imagine that you sit down and explain to homeowners that you’ll be working naked before you start a job, because if that were the case, the only place I can see you finding steady work is at nudist colonies as a handyman. If you did explain your little perversion to prospective customers, I suspect that your carpentry career would have ended the same day it began. At least put some pants on, because there are plenty of carpentry and construction workers who might take their shirt off from time to time. Just don’t let the fact that you were acquitted in this case give you the impression that what you’re doing is acceptable, because it’s really not.
- Normally in divorce proceedings where one spouse is looking to jam the other, that spouse will claim that their partner was unfaithful to them and had an affair with someone else. Occasionally a sleazeball husband r wife will have foold around with more than one person, maybe two or three. It’s rare that someone is such a slut that she’s suspected of having cheated on her husband with eleven different men, but such is the case with country singer and former Dancing With the (D-List) Stars contestant Sara Evans. Craig Schleske, Evans former husband, has asked in a court filing that Evans admit to having had affairs or romantic relationships with just shy of a dozen men, including members of her band, singer (I use that erm loosely) Kenny Chesney, Richard Marx, member of the band 3 Doors Down and her former DWTDLS partner Tony Dovolani. So basically, she’s being accused of 1) being a whore, 2) having crappy taste in music and 3) being a rock groupie. Not only is a Kenny Chesney and 3 Doors Down concert one I’d pay not to see, it’s apparently the ideal place for Evans to find her next hookup. Evans hasn’t responded to the filing yet, but honestly I don’t know how you do respond to that. It’s one thing to deny that you cheated with one person, but when the number is alleged to be two shy of a baker’s dozen, it’s hard to argue that your ex is just being crazy and jealous and making things up. I guess the silver lining here is that with Evans now single, she has 11 solid choices in the search for her next husband……
- I’m not a huge fan of Westerns, because they can be some of the cheesiest, most clichéd movies you’ll ever see. There have been a few good Westerns made, though not as many in recent years. Other than The Quick and the Dead, which is kinda recent but still dated, I cant remember the last good Western I saw…..until 3:10 to Yuma, a remake of an old Western that hit theaters this past weekend. The original version was made in 1957 and was based on a short story written in 1953 by Elmore Leonard, a legendary American crime fiction author. It’s a movie with plenty of violence and action, yet set on the beautiful frontier in bygone times. The story centers on rancher Dan Evans (Christian Bale), who will lose his land to the coming raileroad unless he pays off massive debts on the land with money he doesn’t have. To earn that money, he agrees to be part of a group escorting the outlaw Ben Wade (Russell Crowe) to Yuma to board a prison train. Wade has numerous chances to kill Evans but doesn’t because even though he’s an outlaw, he operates on a sort of honor code when it comes to who he kills. I won't spoil any more of the plot for you, but over all it’s a well done film that has a gritty, real quality to it that makes it thoroughly enjoyable. The film was the top box officer earner for the weekend, taking in a modest $14.1 million. (Side note: Superbad was third with $8 million, which was enough to put it over the $100 million mark.) Sadly, 3:10 seems doomed for a disappointing run, as most of its audience thus far has been in the 50+ age bracket, not the ideal demographic for an action movie. I think it’s because many of those people remember the original 3:10 to Yuma and thus wanted to see the remake, but I’m surprised that not a lot of people from younger age groups wanted to see a Russell Crowe flick. No, he’s not Heath Ledger, Orlando Bloom or Johnny Depp, but Crowe still knows how to drink, brawl and chase chicks like those guys and he’s a good actor, so I’d suggest you give this movie a chance, you won't be disappointed.
- Kudos to Britney Spears for living down to expectations with her performance at the MTV Video Music Awards last night. Thankfully I didn’t watch that debacle of an awards show (although with MTV’s re-air rate for awards shows, I’ll have another 1,455 chances between now and Halloween), but I did see a few still images of Spears’ performance and also a über-brief audio snippet of her act and…..wow. Feel free to mix in a salad and cut down from five or six breakfast burritos and sausage biscuits with gravy to one or two, Brit. And before you criticize me to mocking someone’s physical appearance, first I recommend that you take a look at the pictures yourself and then I remind you that when someone wears the kind of revealing, gawd-awful outfit that Spears sported last night, they are fair game for any sort of analysis on their appearance that anyone can come up with. This is a lot more than a girl simply filling out as she grows up, this is a case of packing on the pregnancy pounds for two kids, adding on to that and then attempting some haphazard effort to get into better shape while still eating like a high school wrestler trying to pack on the pounds and move up a weight class for the big meet. Brit, you need to realize that with the abominable crap-ola you call music coming out of your mouth, well, actually coming out of the speakers as you lip sync to it, you had better look really hot if you expect anyone to want to see you perform. If you show up looking like you do right now, you’re nothing more than an out-of-shape, talent-deprived loser who might actually be more musically offensive than an American Karaoke contestant. Shape up or get lost, Spears, because as long as you’re flabby you’ve got no real skills at all.
- If you live in the San Francisco Bay area, I have a strong recommendation for you on one handyman that you should never, ever, under any circumstances hire. His name is Percy Honnibal, and there’s a very simple yet powerful reason not to hire him. It seems Percy, a 51-year-old carpenter from Oakland, has a predilection for plying his craft, um, in the nude. He was recently acquitted by Alameda County Superior Court Judge Julie Conger on charges of indecent exposure after he was spotted building cabinets in the nude at a home where he had been hired to work. The judge ruled that he wasn’t guilty of a crime because he wasn’t acting lewdly or seeking sexual gratification, which of course makes the emotional scarring for anyone who had to see him in that state any less awful. Percy needs to take a cue from one particular episode of Seinfeld where Jerry’s girlfriend liked to hang out naked around the apartment, but when he tried to prove that it bothered him by doing carpentry (specifically, sanding the floor) in the nude, she explained to him that there’s good naked and bad naked, and doing home improvement work in the nude is bad naked. Same goes for you, Percy. And no, I don’t care that you think it’s ok because it’s more comfortable working that way and it keeps your clothes clean. Bro, you’re a carpenter, if you’re worried about clean clothes, you’ve chosen the wrong profession. Also, the great thing about clothes is that they can be washed and you can also put on some less expensive, older clothes that you don’t mind getting dirty if that’s a problem. Plus, I can’t imagine that you sit down and explain to homeowners that you’ll be working naked before you start a job, because if that were the case, the only place I can see you finding steady work is at nudist colonies as a handyman. If you did explain your little perversion to prospective customers, I suspect that your carpentry career would have ended the same day it began. At least put some pants on, because there are plenty of carpentry and construction workers who might take their shirt off from time to time. Just don’t let the fact that you were acquitted in this case give you the impression that what you’re doing is acceptable, because it’s really not.
- Normally in divorce proceedings where one spouse is looking to jam the other, that spouse will claim that their partner was unfaithful to them and had an affair with someone else. Occasionally a sleazeball husband r wife will have foold around with more than one person, maybe two or three. It’s rare that someone is such a slut that she’s suspected of having cheated on her husband with eleven different men, but such is the case with country singer and former Dancing With the (D-List) Stars contestant Sara Evans. Craig Schleske, Evans former husband, has asked in a court filing that Evans admit to having had affairs or romantic relationships with just shy of a dozen men, including members of her band, singer (I use that erm loosely) Kenny Chesney, Richard Marx, member of the band 3 Doors Down and her former DWTDLS partner Tony Dovolani. So basically, she’s being accused of 1) being a whore, 2) having crappy taste in music and 3) being a rock groupie. Not only is a Kenny Chesney and 3 Doors Down concert one I’d pay not to see, it’s apparently the ideal place for Evans to find her next hookup. Evans hasn’t responded to the filing yet, but honestly I don’t know how you do respond to that. It’s one thing to deny that you cheated with one person, but when the number is alleged to be two shy of a baker’s dozen, it’s hard to argue that your ex is just being crazy and jealous and making things up. I guess the silver lining here is that with Evans now single, she has 11 solid choices in the search for her next husband……
Sunday, September 09, 2007
A big night of TV tomorrow, more bad Chinese business news and my new campaign to fire Romeo Crennel
- Should I be relieved that there’s a story revolving around unsavory business practices in China and it doesn’t involve the Chinese exporting toothpaste containing a toxic chemical usually used in antifreeze? Decisions, decisions….I’m going to go with no on this one, because as thankful as I am to avoid any more toxic toothpaste incidents, a baby trafficking ring isn't really an improvement. Police in eastern China have broken up a major baby trafficking ring, arresting 47 people and rescuing 40 infants currently in the custody of those 47 lowlifes. Look, I know there are strict population control measures in place in China, so if you have one kid and then find out you’re going to have another, you need to figure out a plan because you could face severe punishment for breaking the law, but setting up a black market for infants is not the way to go. Or maybe these losers were looking to make some extra cash by selling babies to foreign couples looking to adopt, I don’t know and honestly, it doesn’t really matter. Baby trafficking is just one of those crimes where you don’t need to know all of the details, because no matter what it’s totally reprehensible and without justification. It almost makes toxic toothpaste seem lighthearted by comparison……almost.
- When is winning a lawsuit not really winning? When the losing party that you’re trying to collect a settlement from is none other than one of the United States’ most bitter enemies, Iran. Suffice to say that there aren’t a lot of warm fuzzies being exchanged between the U.S. and the Iranians, so I don’t think the families of 241 U.S. service members killed in the 1983 bombing of a U.S. Marine barracks in Beirut are going to be successful in collecting the $2.65 billion judgment levied against the Middle Eastern nation by a federal judge on Friday. The ruling allows approximately 1,000 family members of the deceased Marines to seek reparations from the Iranian government by seizing assets from sources around the world. If I believed in luck, I would wish all of these families good luck in getting that money, but it’s just not going to happen. Governments, especially ones in rogue nations like Iran, don’t exactly operate on the up and up when it comes to finances. They have all sorts of secret money and assets hidden in all sorts of obscure locations and they’re certainly not going to willingly turn over any of their money to citizens of a nation they despise simply because one of that nation’s judges said they have to. A new law that would make it easier for money to be recovered from foreign governments in cases like this one is under consideration by Congress, but even the potential passing of this new law doesn’t seem like it would be enough to successfully resolve this case.
- That you very much, Romeo Crennel, for doing your part to further my new campaign to fire Cleveland Browns coach Romeo Crennel. Aside from making asinine decisions like naming his starting quarterback on a week-to-week basis (which turned out to be a lie, but more on that in a minute) and refusing to admit who his backup quarterback would be, Crennel has also appeared inept and overmatched when it comes to in-game coaching tactics as well. The collective ineptitude of Crennel, his staff and his team were on display today in an awful 34-7 season-opening loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers that was every bit as bad as the score indicates, if not worse. The Browns turned the ball over four times and changed quarterbacks mid-game, proving that the team’s quarterback isn't on a week-to-week basis, but rather a quarter-by-quarter basis. Really it didn’t matter if it was Charlie Frye throwing the interceptions or if it was Derek Anderson. The supposedly revamped and improved offensive line was atrocious, giving up six sacks and threatening to send whomever was playing quarterback to the emergency room every time they dropped back to pass. The outcome was never in debut as the Steelers led 17-0 at the end of the first quarter. If this is how the Browns are going to look on a weekly basis, my campaign to get Crennel fired should be successful in 3-4 weeks, a record even for my über-powerful campaigns to bring down inept coaches and idiotic leaders. I look forward to hearing plenty of coach-speak and wheelbarrows full of clichés from Browns players and coaches this week as they try to spin this loss into something other than the utter embarrassment it is. Talk all you want about it being only one game with 15 more to go, Brownies, but realize how hollow those words are when you showed absolutely no indication on this day that you are good enough to win even one game this year. Fire Romeo…..chant it with me, Fire Romeo!
- Well the hits just keep on comin’ when it comes to global warming. As W. and his administration of ass hats continue to deny that global warming even exists and pressure scientists to alter their findings on the subject to conform with the fake truth that the administration wishes for us all to believe, the world’ ecosystem continues to take one body blow after another. On Friday, government scientists announced that by their calculations, two-thirds of the world’s polar bears will die off by 2050 because of thinning ice due to global warming in the Arctic. As America, Russia, Canada, Norway and others race to assert sovereignty over the oil and natural gas resources being revealed by the melting ice caps, the issue of polar bears being pushed to the verge of extinction hasn’t been raised once by W. or any of his stooges. Only in the northern Canadian Arctic islands and the west coast of Greenland are any of the world’s 16,000 polar bears projected to survive to the end of this century, a disturbing piece of news for sure. Extinction of the polar bears world definitely put a definite damper on the prospects of those great Coca Cola holiday ads featuring the polar bears drinking Cokes (I know they’re CGI, dammit, I don’t care), that’s for sure. And this is a U.S. Geological Survey, done by government scientists, so you can be sure that these researchers are already under pressure from W. and his minions to revise their report to say that polar bears are not in danger of extinction, but rather are thriving and their population is expected to triple by 2025. Wake up and smell the environmental devastation that your reign of terror in this country hath wrought, W.
- A couple of TV reminders for you as we kick off another week: First, Greek, my favorite summer show, has its season finale tonight with guest stars Alan Ruck (Spin City) and Charisma Carpenter (Charmed, Veronica Mars) on campus as Rusty, Casey and the rest of the Cyprus Rhodes crew wrap up their semester and first season. I have to admit that it surprised me to realize that there have only been nine episodes of the show, because it’s been such a good show that it seems like more. There will actually be an all-day marathon on the show in its entirety, beginning at noon tomorrow on ABC Family. Also tomorrow night, from 8-10 p.m., Prison Break will air the final two episodes from its amazing second season in preparation for the Season Three premiere next Monday night. As it turns out, the third season will begin with Lincoln on the outside of the prison walls, trying to break Michael out, a reversal from how the series began in the first place. Should be a great season, be sure to tune in.
- When is winning a lawsuit not really winning? When the losing party that you’re trying to collect a settlement from is none other than one of the United States’ most bitter enemies, Iran. Suffice to say that there aren’t a lot of warm fuzzies being exchanged between the U.S. and the Iranians, so I don’t think the families of 241 U.S. service members killed in the 1983 bombing of a U.S. Marine barracks in Beirut are going to be successful in collecting the $2.65 billion judgment levied against the Middle Eastern nation by a federal judge on Friday. The ruling allows approximately 1,000 family members of the deceased Marines to seek reparations from the Iranian government by seizing assets from sources around the world. If I believed in luck, I would wish all of these families good luck in getting that money, but it’s just not going to happen. Governments, especially ones in rogue nations like Iran, don’t exactly operate on the up and up when it comes to finances. They have all sorts of secret money and assets hidden in all sorts of obscure locations and they’re certainly not going to willingly turn over any of their money to citizens of a nation they despise simply because one of that nation’s judges said they have to. A new law that would make it easier for money to be recovered from foreign governments in cases like this one is under consideration by Congress, but even the potential passing of this new law doesn’t seem like it would be enough to successfully resolve this case.
- That you very much, Romeo Crennel, for doing your part to further my new campaign to fire Cleveland Browns coach Romeo Crennel. Aside from making asinine decisions like naming his starting quarterback on a week-to-week basis (which turned out to be a lie, but more on that in a minute) and refusing to admit who his backup quarterback would be, Crennel has also appeared inept and overmatched when it comes to in-game coaching tactics as well. The collective ineptitude of Crennel, his staff and his team were on display today in an awful 34-7 season-opening loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers that was every bit as bad as the score indicates, if not worse. The Browns turned the ball over four times and changed quarterbacks mid-game, proving that the team’s quarterback isn't on a week-to-week basis, but rather a quarter-by-quarter basis. Really it didn’t matter if it was Charlie Frye throwing the interceptions or if it was Derek Anderson. The supposedly revamped and improved offensive line was atrocious, giving up six sacks and threatening to send whomever was playing quarterback to the emergency room every time they dropped back to pass. The outcome was never in debut as the Steelers led 17-0 at the end of the first quarter. If this is how the Browns are going to look on a weekly basis, my campaign to get Crennel fired should be successful in 3-4 weeks, a record even for my über-powerful campaigns to bring down inept coaches and idiotic leaders. I look forward to hearing plenty of coach-speak and wheelbarrows full of clichés from Browns players and coaches this week as they try to spin this loss into something other than the utter embarrassment it is. Talk all you want about it being only one game with 15 more to go, Brownies, but realize how hollow those words are when you showed absolutely no indication on this day that you are good enough to win even one game this year. Fire Romeo…..chant it with me, Fire Romeo!
- Well the hits just keep on comin’ when it comes to global warming. As W. and his administration of ass hats continue to deny that global warming even exists and pressure scientists to alter their findings on the subject to conform with the fake truth that the administration wishes for us all to believe, the world’ ecosystem continues to take one body blow after another. On Friday, government scientists announced that by their calculations, two-thirds of the world’s polar bears will die off by 2050 because of thinning ice due to global warming in the Arctic. As America, Russia, Canada, Norway and others race to assert sovereignty over the oil and natural gas resources being revealed by the melting ice caps, the issue of polar bears being pushed to the verge of extinction hasn’t been raised once by W. or any of his stooges. Only in the northern Canadian Arctic islands and the west coast of Greenland are any of the world’s 16,000 polar bears projected to survive to the end of this century, a disturbing piece of news for sure. Extinction of the polar bears world definitely put a definite damper on the prospects of those great Coca Cola holiday ads featuring the polar bears drinking Cokes (I know they’re CGI, dammit, I don’t care), that’s for sure. And this is a U.S. Geological Survey, done by government scientists, so you can be sure that these researchers are already under pressure from W. and his minions to revise their report to say that polar bears are not in danger of extinction, but rather are thriving and their population is expected to triple by 2025. Wake up and smell the environmental devastation that your reign of terror in this country hath wrought, W.
- A couple of TV reminders for you as we kick off another week: First, Greek, my favorite summer show, has its season finale tonight with guest stars Alan Ruck (Spin City) and Charisma Carpenter (Charmed, Veronica Mars) on campus as Rusty, Casey and the rest of the Cyprus Rhodes crew wrap up their semester and first season. I have to admit that it surprised me to realize that there have only been nine episodes of the show, because it’s been such a good show that it seems like more. There will actually be an all-day marathon on the show in its entirety, beginning at noon tomorrow on ABC Family. Also tomorrow night, from 8-10 p.m., Prison Break will air the final two episodes from its amazing second season in preparation for the Season Three premiere next Monday night. As it turns out, the third season will begin with Lincoln on the outside of the prison walls, trying to break Michael out, a reversal from how the series began in the first place. Should be a great season, be sure to tune in.
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