Sunday, May 14, 2017

Goose v. plastic bat, Deadpool 2 v. excess and Browns-ness vs. NFL draftees


- You can draft a dozen new players, but you can not un-Browns the Cleveland Browns. No matter what school you draft players, no matter what round you draft them in or what position they play, eventually those players must set foot in the team’s training facility in Berea or First Energy Stadium and when they do, the aura of all things Browns is waiting to sniper them and imperil their career. The latest victim of this interminable phenomenon is cornerback Howard Wilson, the team’s fourth-round pick in last month’s draft, who fractured his kneecap late in the team's first rookie minicamp practice and will miss "significant time," coach Hue Jackson said. Jackson expressed hope that Wilson wouldn’t miss the entire season, but these are the Browns, so there’s at least a decent chance Wilson will not only miss the season, but never play football again and possibly have his leg amputated.  "It's disappointing, but this a part of playing football," Wilson said in a written statement, which is probably best because releasing your words on a sheet of paper or in an email might be the safest way to handle any situation when you’re connected to the Browns. “I'm a positive person, so I will have the surgery, work hard in my rehab, and look forward to getting back to out there and helping this team win some games." Ah, that rookie delusion, believing that anyone, regardless of their football talent, can help the Browns win games. Sure, the Browns drafted Wilson because they needed depth in their defensive backfield behind Joe Haden and Jamar Taylor, but ultimately it doesn’t matter who suits up for them because in the end, the Browns-ness of it all will triumph……..


- Must be nice, Egypt. Every other day or so, someone in your country seems to stumble across some amazing historical site or artifact that further underscores just how much of the world’s ancient history is housed within your borders. The finds keep piling up, creating more reasons for travelers to brave the Middle East turmoil and visit a country where history is the present, and the latest discovery was announced by Egypt's antiquities ministry, which says it has found a necropolis with at least 17 mummies near the southern city of Minya, the first such find in the area. It was a big day in the village of Tuna al-Gabal, a vast archaeological site on the edge of the western desert, an area that hosts necropolises mainly for animals and birds and was the site of this big news. Minister Khaled al-Anani, who has a lot of practice organizing and speaking as such events and probably has a standard, pre-written announcement handy for them in a pinch, said in an address at the site that the necropolis dates back to the pharaonic Late Kingdom and Greco-Roman periods. He noted that the find is still in a preliminary stage, but said more mummies are expected to be discovered in the area. It’s a conveniently timed discovery given that Egypt is struggling to revive its tourism sector, partially driven by antiquities sightseeing, in the wake of the 2011 uprising that sparked years of turmoil that is only just beginning to subside. Toss in a few more “new” finds and there just might be enough incentive to head to Africa’s northeast corner……..


- There’s nothing about “Deadpool 2” that doesn’t seem wholly excessive. The number of trailers, promotional videos, guest appearances in the opening credits of other Marvel movies and general hype for the sequel have been over the top, so let’s keep that theme going with three more X-Force character, Sunspot, Feral, and Shatterstar, set to appear in the film alongside Ryan Reynolds’ titular character. The pre-production process is well underway and with Reynolds locked in as the leading man and Josh Brolin cast as Cable, the rest of the cast is still shaping up. One X-Force character set to join the cast is Domino, with both Janelle Monae and Kerry Washington linked to the role. In a teaser for the movie, released on Reynolds’ YouTube page and titled “No Good Deed,” Reynolds’ character Wade Wilson is seen at the start of the short film listening to John Parr’s ‘St. Elmo Fire’ and responding to a street robbery in progress in his typical, snarky, meta way - with a  cameo from former Marvel President Stan Lee. There aren't too many clues in the teaser, even when parsed to the most minute degree by devoted fanboys, not even when fans can expect the sequel, with the final message reading: ‘Deadpool… coming … not soon enough.’ In between now and whenever that is, expect a dozen or so more trailers, maybe another guest spot or five in the opening or closing credits of other Marvel movies and every other promotional opportunity the studio can find to shove the star of one of last year’s most commercially successful movies down everyone’s throats……..


- No one likes wild geese. They’re filthy, imposing nuisances who crap on your lawn and are belligerent any time you roll up on them, even if they’re on your property. The idea of taking a blunt object to once of these wildlife menaces is an appealing one, but just make sure that you aren't too mean to the poor, winged intruder coming after you or your child, lest the city of Indianapolis lay the legal smackdown on you. Enter  James McDaniel, an Indianapolis man who was cited by police for using a PLASTIC bat to protect his 4-year-old son from an overly aggressive Canada goose. According to McDaniel, the goose came charging across a field and began chasing his son, prompting dear ol’ dad to step to the goose and take a plastic bat to its feathered ass. He said afterward that the goose was "clearly attacking" the boy and he was only doing what he could to protect him, but rather than earn praise as a responsible dad, Marion County animal services ticketed McDaniel for animal cruelty. In an incident report, officers noted that witnesses reported that McDaniel hit the bird three times and he’ll have his day in court this week. When he does, he’ll have to convince the court that he stayed within Indiana Department of Natural Resources guidelines, which state that people are allowed to protect themselves or others from wildlife, but may only use a reasonable amount of force. In this case, the use of force is being prosecuted in a way that makes the entire situation seem like a colossal farce……..

No comments: