- Professional hockey players are supposed to be among the
toughest, most badass athletes in the world. So why the hell does the NHL feel
the need to enact new rules strengthening it’s admittedly weak stance on
flopping? Sure, soccer needs stronger penalties for flopping because the
mulleted, dive-happy divas who populate the beautiful game will go down as if
they’ve been shot the instant anyone passes within 15 feet of them on the
pitch. Even in the NBA, defenders looking to draw charging fouls rather than actually
playing good defense and stopping their man from scoring will take a dive if
they think it can earn a favorable call from the officials. But is it really
necessary in the NHL, where dudes lose teeth during games and keep playing
because that’s what they’re supposed to do? The league must feel flopping is an
issue, as it is toughening its penalties for taking a dive, but don’t get
carried away. If league officials really were concerned about the impact of
flopping on their fine sport, they would implement a policy with actual teeth
to it rather than dinging the wallets of offenders for minimal amounts if they
dare to fake contact. See, the supplementary discipline
penalties associated with Rule 64.3 (Diving/Embellishment) will be revised and
fines will be assessed to players and head coaches on a graduated scale….that
amounts to pocket change for all involved. For a first offense, players will
receive a warning but no fine. Their second offense will net a fine of $2,000,
with the amount rising to $3,000 for a third offense, $4,000 four a fourth
offense and $5,000 per offense from there. Coaches will be fined on the same
graduated scale beginning with the fourth offense by one of their players. Way
to bring the hammer, NHL………
- Stoners do lots of stupid sh*t. Witness the scene Sunday
in Amsterdam if you doubt the power of high-quality chron to influence people’s
willingness to participate in absurdity. In Amsterdam's central Dam square, a
group of 2,000 tomato-wielding
protesters got together to take part in a messy demonstration to (allegedly)
protest Russia's ban on the import of Dutch produce. The plan was to get a
sh*t-ton of tomatoes together, charge people $18 to get into the party and
allow them to chuck round vegetable at one another in a blatant rip-off of Spain's
famed annual "La Tomatina" festival. Organizers purchased 120,000
tomatoes labeled unfit for human consumption for the event and were pretty
fired up about it. "We
want to support duped Dutch farmers hit by the Russian ban by buying their
tomatoes for a good price and staging a fight on September 14," organizer
Joep Verbunt said. Sadly, the less-than-balmy weather meant there was none of
the half-naked nuttiness that fills the Tomatina festival and that event isn't
tagged with the thinly veiled premise of helping people who are suffering due
to Vladimir Putin’s ass-hated vendetta against the West. Give some blame for
this lame publicity stunt to entrepreneurs who have seized upon
Russia's boycott of European produce to put together an event where goggles
were recommended but an actual social conscience or knowledge of the issues
surrounding the event was not. Most participants showed up eager to dot their
friends and total strangers with rotten tomatoes and little else on their
minds. The tomato chucking lasted for an hour and all proceeds (allegedly) will
go to tomato growers hurt by the sanctions. The good news is that afterward,
everyone could find the nearest coffee shop and smoke a nice, big fattie to
forget it all…….
- Good deeds were not necessary to win at the box office
this weekend. That explains how “No Good Deeds” scared its way to the top of
the earnings list in its debut with $24.5 million. It did more than enough to
edge out fellow newcomer “Dolphin Tale 2,” which somehow squandered the magical
magnificentness of Morgan Freeman’s melodious voice and could do no better than
second place with its $16.6 million effort. Both new movies pushed their way
past “Guardians of the Galaxy,” which won last weekend but dropped to third
this time with $8 million. The superhero blockbuster has banked $305.9 million
in domestic earnings through seven weeks and has also done respectably on a
global scale. Fourth place went to “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,” recipient of
$4.8 million in movie dollars for the frame and owner of $181 million overall
in six underwhelming weeks of release. “Let’s Be Cops” conjured up enough
laughs for $4.3 million on the weekend, giving the overachieving comedy $73
million in five productive weeks of release. The third newcomer in the top 10
was “The Drop,” which opened in limited release (829 theaters) but still
garnered $4.2 million to place sixth. “If I Stay” snagged seventh place with
$4.1 million in its fourth weekend and with an $11 million budget at its core,
the film has turned a tidy profit at $44.9 million in domestic earnings. “The
November Man” geezer-fought its way to a $2.8 million weekend and has accrued a
measly $22.4 million in three lame weeks. “The Giver” was next in ninth place
thanks to a $2.7 million weekend, giving it $41.3 million in its first five
weeks in theaters. The final top 10 spot went to “The Hundred-Foot Journey,” it of
the $2.4 million weekend earnings and $49.4 million overall in six weeks of
mostly limited release. “When the Game Stands Tall” (No. 11), “As Above/So
Below” (No. 12) and “Lucy” (No. 13) all lost their top 10 spots from one
weekend ago………
- ‘Bout damn time. A smelly problem has pervaded taxicabs
all around the world for far too long and thankfully, someone is finally taking
action. Cab drivers tend to have a certain, um, scent about them and that can
make for an uncomfortable ride for their passengers. The powers that be at San Diego International Airport know all
too well how real this problem is and it explains why body odor is among 52
criteria that officials use to judge taxi drivers. While that’s a long list,
let’s just remember what it’s like to be trapped in the back seat of a cab with
a stank-ass driver for half an hour and then reconsider the situation. After
that, we can all universally condemn accusations by leaders of the United Taxi
Workers of San Diego union who claim that the new standards are prejudicial and
discriminatory while also perpetuating a nasty stereotype that predominantly
foreign-born taxi drivers smell bad. Just for shits and giggles, let’s take a
look at what else is on the list. There are also entries for proof of
insurance, functioning windshield wipers, adequate tire treads and good brakes.
What’s worse still for defenders of odoriferous drivers is that they won't be
fired, suspended or even told to go home for the day if they are found to be
nasally offensive. They will merely be told to change their clothes before
picking up another customer. Airport authority spokeswoman Rebecca Bloomfield
admitted there is “no standard process” to testing, but there doesn’t need to
be because there is no such thing as a B.O. meter. The airport authority insists
it is enforcing a policy of the San Diego Metropolitan Transit System, which
regulates taxis throughout the region, and that should be enough……
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