Tuesday, April 22, 2014

North Korean shadiness, the hapless 76ers are a success story and "Sherlock" Season 4 on life support


- Fans hoping for a fourth installment of the popular BBC One show “Sherlock” should probably ramp down their expectations before they get too hyped about the idea. Star Martin Freeman dumped some icy cold water on that dream when was asked how long it would be before the cast reconvened and started work on another chapter of the cult favorite show. "It's very hard to get together," Freeman said. "But it's one of those things where you have to at some point just go, 'We're going to do it now' - otherwise we could be having this conversation in three years. There comes a point where you've got to piss or get off the pot." That was a delightfully British way to put it and as Freeman so helpfully noted, the first series of Sherlock aired in summer 2010, with a second run following in early 2012 The success of those initial runs was a two-edged sword for the show, as it built a devoted fan base but also created a high demand for the show’s starts. Freeman has cashed in on that wave of fame as much as anyone and he can currently be seen in the newly launched small-screen adaptation of “Fargo.” His biggest success has come as Bilbo Baggins in Peter Jackson's “The Hobbit” trilogy. Cast mate Benedict Cumberbatch has landed starring roles in several high-profile films, including Star Trek Into Darkness. He is reportedly in the running for a key role in the next James Bond movie. In other words, no one who matters is so hard up for cash or a gig that they are beating down the door at the BBC, demanding that pre-production on the next run of “Sherlock” episodes commence immediately or else……….


- Portland, Ore. is an unusual place. Hippies roam free, indecent exposure is commonplace, the next big indie rock band is always playing in a dive bar just down the street…..and churches are in the business of baking brownies and smiley face sugar cookies for coke-addled skanks who work filthy brass poles and grind on strangers to fuel their drug habit/put themselves through law school. In other words, a church located in southwest Portland is planning its next big outreach effort and the target for this outpouring of love is a local strip club. Church members at Cedar Hills Baptist Church are hyped about their Day of Action event and as part of their ministry on that particular day, some of them will drop off baked goods at Sunset Strip Gentlemen’s Club located on 10205 SW Park Way for all of the club’s employees. On the surface, this might seem like it makes no sense. People whose idea of fun is a potluck dinner followed by singing hymns don’t generally make nice with semi-naked quasi-hookers whose idea of fun is taking it off to some cheesy ‘80s power ballad, but this is actually a nice instance of people who claim to be following the Bible’s teachings being kind to those with whom they don’t agree on much. Besides, the day isn’t all about strippers and 300-pound bouncers in tight black t-shirts. Church members will also take baked goods to other places where kindness can be in short supply, including the local Department of Motor Vehicles bureau. They will also pay back their community’s first responders by sharing their bakes goods with the local fire department……..


- Apple Maps may be a dysfunctional cartographic exercise steeped in tales of colossal failure, but even it isn't capable of lending credence to the long-running Loch Ness Monster myth….right? Push pause on that topic for a moment because over the weekend, tools around the world were sucked in by a ridiculous rumor swirling online that an Apple Maps satellite image showed the famed lake monster of Scotland, swimming around freely and making a mockery of anyone who doubted its presence. Loch Ness Monster Fan Club founder Gary Campbell cashed in by gleefully accepting and honoring every interview request he could find to talk about the now-viral image. “It looks like a boat wake, but the boat is missing. You can see some boats moored at the shore, but there isn’t one here. We’ve shown it to boat experts and they don’t know what it is,” Campbell proclaimed in one of his many, many interviews.  Campbell is correct that the satellite image discovered in Apple’s faulty mapping program shows what appears to be a sizable ripple in the water, similar to a boat wake. He is also correct that in the photo, there doesn’t appear to be a boat. However, numerous experts in boat-type things have pointed out that boats and other vehicles going missing from the satellite maps’ imagery is actually a common occurrence on account of such programs creating their images by stitching together overlapping images to form a coherent picture of the world below. The algorithms upon which such programs are based can malfunction and suggesting that a sketchy image from thousands of feet up in the air is concrete proof that Nessie is real might be Loch Ness Monster enthusiasts might have reached their delusional zenith………


- Give Philadelphia 76ers owner Josh Harris credit. He might be a moron, he may be delusional and his head may be so far up his own ass that it’s making his esophagus hurt, but dude does have a big, brass pair. There is no other way to spin the owner of a professional sports franchise delivering a steam turd pile of a season to his fans, a season in which his team finished 19-63 and tied the NBA record for most consecutive losses, and that owner then turning around and attempting to classify that season as a success. "I think the season has been a huge success for us," Harris said. "Obviously, I don't like to lose. In terms of having to live through a losing season, it's tough…and I want to be back in the playoffs, and I want this team competing for the championship…and that's kind of what we're trying to do, but obviously to do that, to get to that point where you're an elite team for a long period of time, there's no shortcuts.” Harris added that the team entered the season knowing it would be a long one and in truth, its fans knew the same thing. Still, Brown, general manager Sam Hinkie, CEO Scott O'Neil and coach Brett Brown led a team built to tank through a butt-ugly season with no real bright spots and even if it does steer them in the direction of their ultimate goal, an owner cannot tell his fans that his team losing 77 percent of its games is successful. Harris is a fool if he believes that fans will accept or roll with the pile of sh*t he put on the court this season and be cool with the idea that this year was a resounding thumbs up. If the team falls to win the top pick in the June 26 NBA Draft or whiffs on those picks, look for the fan base to rise up swift and strong. Harris’ second moronic remark, taken directly from the official NBA owner’s playbook, was the insistence that the 76ers didn’t tank the season because "we don't use that word." "We played every game to win, and this is where we finished," he said. "It's a very deep draft. I think we're in great shape. … We don't want to be 41-41. We don't want to be one-and-done [in the playoffs].” On some level, that’s actually right. The team the 76ers put on the floor did play hard and compete, but they had no chance to being any good because they were comprised of defective, dollar store parts that added up to 25 percent of what their opponents were. That seems to be the new standard for success in Philly……….


- Never underestimate the shadiness of the corrupt, communist hellhole on the north end of the Korean Peninsula. Yes, North Korea is a place where a repressive government has moved past merely trampling the basic human rights of its people and straight up murders those rights – and its people – and that hasn’t change. What has changed is the world around the corrupt, ruling family despots of North Korea. These high-living scumbags have grown quite accustomed to their luxurious lifestyle and with the world clamping down on so many sources of income in a nation that perpetually antagonizes everyone in sight, alternative sources of income are a must. What is a trapped, desperate bunch of rich people to do when backed into a corner and facing a possible descent into the sort of unsavory poverty in which the rest of their country lives? Sell copious amounts of illegal drugs, of course. According to a new report from the Committee on Human Rights in North Korea, that is precisely what the North Korean upper crust is up to. The report cites evidence of an increasing amount of drugs, counterfeit goods and currency, as well as legitimate trade, being funneled through China. In conjunction with this shift, blatant government-sponsored criminal activity is actually on the decline as scum-baggery goes private – i.e. o a combination of “quasi-private production and crony capitalism” focused largely on its expanding relationship with the Middle East, Africa and especially China. Still, such corruption has the full backing of the government, according to the report. That government is under the Lilliputian direction of third-generation dictator Kim Jong-Un and it is playing an alleged large role in making its drug smuggling and other illegal activities harder to detect. Stir in a few above-board activities to make money and the picture is murkier than ever. Those methods include expropriation of the wages of North Korean laborers sent abroad to Africa and the Middle East and profiting from the increased number of cellphones circulating in politically favored hands in Pyongyang and other cities. Greed. As Gordon Gecko might say, is good in any language……….

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