Wednesday, June 05, 2013

Subterranean Russian sweatshops, stage-diving music hacks and NBA tampering


- Gym memberships are virtually impossible to escape. Even dying is typically not enough to escape the clutches of a gym contract, so when there is a way to use a legitimate workout facility and not commit to paying thousands of dollars over the course of decades, it’s worth knowing about. Beast Fit Nation in Portland, Ore. is one such facility and the gym is offering free workouts for anyone willing to pay it forward. “(It’s) the world’s first free gym. Everything is free you don’t have to pay me a dollar,” said Sergio Jones, founder of Beast Fit Nation. “All you have to do is promise me you’ll do three random acts of kindness after you leave. You will help out somebody else.” That seems like wishful thinking by an ideological kook, but gym members say they love the idea and motivate each other in their rugged workouts. They think of themselves not just as gym members and workout buddies, but as co-inhabitants of Beast Fit Nation. “After coming here, I do as many random acts of kindness as possible throughout the day,” said member Brandon Stevens. Jones says the acts of kindness extend from simple, basic deeds to gestures on a much grander scale. “You will help your neighbor, pay for the person behind you, call up a friend you haven’t talked to in a while, tell them you miss them,” Jones said. “Do something else for somebody else.” By traveling to Beast Fit Nation, which is located at Southwest 16th Avenue and Southwest Jefferson Street, members believe they are stepping into a movement to help out others. The gym is located next to Lincoln High School and many of those who work out with Jones are members of Beast Fit Nation. Jones’ philosophy has led students to help each other out and also includes an effort to reach out to other businesses in the community to seek sponsorships……..


- It’s about effing time. Jim Morrison, although deceased, has been the Lizard King for decades. How has it taken this long for a scientist to discover a new species of lizard, earn the right to name it and christen it in honor of the late Doors frontman? Jason Head, a paleontologist at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln and a hard-core Doors fan since college, has finally righted this wrong. Head discovered an ancient plant-eating lizard that looked like an iguana but is closer in size to a German shepherd and named it after Morrison. From here on out, the massive creature will be known as Barbature morissoni. “Morrison really liked lizards and snakes, and his lyrics and poetry used a lot of descriptions of ancient places," Head said, "'Barbaturex' means 'bearded king,' and Morrison called himself the Lizard King, so this was perfect.” The only loser in this scenario is the late gonzo journalist Hunter S. Thompson, who was Head’s second choice for lizard naming rights. "If you read 'Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas,' he's hallucinating giant lizards," Head added, "but it wasn't really a contest. It was definitely Morrison." Befitting a true rock star lime Morrison, the lizard bearing his name is the largest plant-eating lizard to have ever walked the Earth. Fossils have been found in Myanmar and they indicate that the lizard flourished about 45 million years ago in the Eocene Epoch, nearly 26 million years after dinosaurs became extinct. The Earth was a warmer, more humid place back then and had much more carbon dioxide and water vapor in the atmosphere. A plant-eating lizard as big as Barbaturex morrisoni could have successfully competed with plant eating mammals for food, but it could only have flourished in a warmer climate than exists on Earth today. That explains why, like its namesake, the lizard is also extinct………


- The Atlanta Hawks are an incredibly consistent component of the NBA landscape. They are good for 50 wins, a first-round playoff exit and little else. Maybe the front office is tired of that predictable cycle, or at least one marketing department employee who is completely ignorant of the league’s free agency rules. That would go a long way toward explaining why the Hawks sent out a letter to potential ticket buyers that may have violated the NBA's tampering policy. The letter names free-agents-to-be Chris Paul and Dwight Howard both scheduled to become unrestricted free agents on July 1, as players the Hawks will target this offseason. The letter, printed on team letterhead, includes the headline: "Hot New Player news: Chris Paul and Dwight Howard," and claims that player interest in joining the Hawks is "skyrocketing." Sadly, teams cannot mention specific players who are about to become free agents while those players are under contract with their current team. Thee NBA's collective bargaining agreement requires teams to decline comment about potential free agents prior to the beginning of free agency. Paul and Howard, both currently residents of Los Angeles, will be the two most sought-after targets once July 1 arrives. Paul has spent the past two seasons with the Clippers and Howard is coming off a disappointing first season with the Lakers. "The buzz around our offseason is more than heating up," the  Hawks’ letter said. "With massive cap space, 4 draft picks, and free agency rapidly approaching, we sit in the best position in the NBA. Player interest is skyrocketing as the possibilities of landing Chris Paul & Dwight Howard become more and more of a reality.” It went on to provide a link to a story published last week claiming that Paul was angry with the Clippers because he had been widely blamed for the firing of coach Vinny Del Negro. Hawks president Bob Williams was forced to address the letter and called it an "unfortunate" mistake made by a team ticket representative. Paul and Howard have talked in the past about joining forces and could conspire to team up in Atlanta or Dallas next season. As for the Hawks, they’re merely hoping to break the cycle……..


- See what the idiocy of Miguel hath wrought? One moronic pop star attempts an ill-advised stage jump at the Billboard Music Awards  that morphed into a Hulk Hogan-esque big leg drop and left a female member of the crowd with potential brain damage and threatening to sue and suddenly, others are rushing to do the same. Following Miguel’s ass-hatted effort at last month’s Billboard show, obscure British singer Labrinth has done his best to replicate the feat and not surprisingly, he too failed miserably. Labrinth’s failed jump came when he leapt into the audience during a performance at the University Of Kent's Summer Ball on Saturday. For some odd reason, members of the small crowd did not rush to catch him and instead allowed him to tumble to the floor in a heap and start a domino effect that took out "over 50 people", according to the concert-goer who posted footage of the incident on YouTube. The video is great because it allows viewers to experience a brief and entertaining slice of a Labrinth concert without the actual discomfort and boredom of actually having to attend a Labrinth concert. Despite the crash and burn, Labrinth was able to shake off his embarrassing moment and complete his set. He later posted a photo of the incident on his Instagram account and if that photo doesn’t end up being meme-d to death the way screen grabs of Miguel’s fall were, it’s going to be a major disappointment and one of the biggest Internet failures in recent memory. Making fun of Labrinth’s botched crowd-surfing attempt is also easier to do because so far, no one has reported any injuries or brain damage from being stuck by the rapper or one of the many people he knocked down like to many human bowling pins. While the laugh value is high, here’s hoping this is a trend that comes to an end quickly. Leave stage diving to legit, experience rock stars who actually have a clue what they’re doing……..


- This is a new low for Russian sweatshops – literally. Russian sweatshops have gone underground and not in the metaphorical sense. A literal and vast secret underground complex for undocumented migrant workers was discovered beneath a Moscow street, police in Russia said Wednesday. This sweet setup included a canteen, movie theater and chicken coop – yes, the always-vital chicken coop. In the raid of the sweatshop, nearly 200 immigrants, most of them from central Asia, were arrested. Police burst into their subterranean living space and callously hauled them off. After the raid, police released video footage showing the underground complex was almost a complete world of its own. Amenities such as living quarters, work tables with sewing machines, a cafe, and even a casino were all there for these mole people. The sweatshop was located underneath the site of the former Cherkizovsky market, which was one of the largest in eastern Europe until it was shut down in 2009. Moving directly under the marketplace makes sense, as the market attracted many immigrant workers. It was known for trading everything from everything from electrical goods to clothing and even after it shut down, Moscow continued to attract millions of migrants from the former Soviet republics in Central Asia. They flee poverty-stricken nations like Tajikistan, Uzbekistan and Kyrgyzstan in search of a better life and send money back home from their jobs abroad. Some of the underground workers may well be among the 9 million migrant workers who entered Russia in 2011. Human rights groups say raids like the one on Monday do little to end the problem of illegal immigration and are “just for show.” The presence of these migrants also sparks violent clashes with Russian nationalists, thousands of whom took to the streets in Moscow in December 2010 in the worst race riots since the fall of the Soviet Union. Going underground is definitely one way to avoid such conflict……..

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