- Fittingly, “Seinfeld” comedy icon George Costanza once
worked for the New York Yankees and his TV father, Frank, created a fictional
holiday called Festivus, which included a ceremony of gathering loved ones
around the dinner table and telling them ALL THE WAYS THEY HAD DISAPPOINTED YOU
IN THE PAST YEAR. Those fake facts are fitting because Yankees owner Hal Steinbrenner had himself a sort of personal airing
of grievances Tuesday at a press conference to announce Yankee Stadium's new
long-term deal to host college football's Pinstripe Bowl. Speaking about
injured third baseman and confirmed steroid cheater Alex Rodriguez,
Steinbrenner responded to a question about GM Brian Cashman’s suggestion on
Monday that Rodriguez "probably ... couldn't live up to" the 10-year
contract extension the team gave him after he opted out of his original
10-year, $252 million contract following his 2007 MVP season. The owner
admitted the Yankees have been "disappointed" with their $275 million
third baseman but expressed hope that Rodriguez would contribute something to
the team this season. "That may be true. It's a big contract,"
Steinbrenner said. "That's a philosophical argument, I guess. It's a big
contract. We all hope he's going to act like a Yankee and do the best he can to
live up to it. How about that?" Rodriguez is out until at least the
All-Star break after undergoing a second hip surgery in January and while he
waits, Major League Baseball is investigating him for his alleged involvement
with the Biogenesis "anti-aging clinic" in Miami. Steinbrenner wasn’t
even willing to say that A-Rod was acting like a Yankee, saying, "We'll
see. We'll find out when he comes back.” However, his harshest comments came
when pressed as to whether or not the team was disappointed in Rodriguez, has
averaged 17 home runs and 60 RBIs over the past two seasons. "There have
no doubt been times that we've been disappointed in him and we've conveyed that
to him," Steinbrenner said. "He understands that.” So do the Yankees’
accountants and fans who have paid exorbitant ticket prices to see A-Rod play
the past two seasons………
- Employing cats to run covert missions in and out of
high-security prisons seems a bit risky, but the practice has been picking up
some momentum of late. In fact, cat smugglers received a boost on Monday when prison guards in Russia's northern
Republic of Komi have caught a cat with banned objects, namely cell
phones and chargers, attached to its body. The brave cat’s capture
was announced by the region's penitentiary service on its website
after the felonious feline was caught while climbing the fence of the
Penal Colony No. 1 near the republic's capital Syktyvkar. "Two
packages were taped to the animal's back. When the packages were
unwrapped, guards found objects prohibited in the penitentiary
facility — two cell phones with batteries and chargers,"
the Republic of Komi penitentiary service department said in a
statement posted on its website. As per a communist hellhole’s typical
practices and habits, Russian officials did not release any information about
the cat’s fate. It is the first such incident in the Komi prison, but
cats have previously been used by Russian inmates to deliver drugs
and have been employed by inmates at prisons in South and Central America as
well. In fact, it was just last August when narcotics police in South
Russia's Rostov region unearthed a scheme in which a cat was
used to smuggle heroin into a penitentiary facility. Released inmates
carried the heroin cat with them in a bag when they were let out and handed it
over to drug dealers waiting outside the prison fence. The dealers
quickly stuffed the feline's collar with heroin and released
the animal, which sneaked back into the prison. Another
heroin-smuggling cat was killed by a jail dog while trying to transport
his payload to a convict in Russia's Volga Republic
of Tatarstan. Drug-smuggling cats have been dying or getting captured at
an increasing rate of late, including one in Brazil's northeastern Alagoas
state that was caught while trying to slip through the prison gates
with numerous tools taped to its body, including a saw
and drills. Maybe these cats will wise up eventually and let another kind
of animal do the dangerous work……..
- Google is really missing the point. No one who invents any
Internet-connected product in 2013 should ever make a point of excluding porn
from their device’s content stream because…..well, the Internet is porn and
porn is the Internet. Nudity-centric cites comprise a majority of the World
Wide Web and saying no to porn is saying no to all the pervs with curiously
high amounts of disposable income that allow them to waste lots of cash getting
their online freakiness fix. That makes it both head-scratching and illogical
that Google has declared porn verboten
for its new Google
Glass device. No sooner than the first Google Glass porn app was announced, the
tech giant announced that it violated the most recent additions to its developer
policies for the futuristic eyewear, which ban sexually explicit material. "Our
policies make it clear that Glass does not allow Glassware content that
contains nudity, graphic sex acts, or sexually explicit material. Any Glassware
that violates this policy will be blocked from appearing on Glass," a
Google spokesperson said. The app in question was released by MiKandi, an adult
app store that has a successful Android app store for adult apps. With the app,
Google Glass wearers could look at photos and watch videos filmed using Google
Glass. MiKandi wanted to expand from first-person point of view videos to
one-on-one interactions between adults who both have Glass. In other words,
virtual sex. Maybe MiKandi’s leaders should have reviewed the new section Google
added to its developer policies for Google Glass late last week, a section
banning apps from delivering sexually explicit content. Porn is now treated the
same way on Google Glass as gratuitous violence, hate speech and gambling. The
device’s headset features a tiny screen above the right eye that can display
Internet content, but it is still in beta mode and is not expected to go on
sale to the general public until late this year or early 2014. That a porn app
sprang up so soon is not surprising and the real stunner is that it didn’t
happen sooner. Prior to Google’s announcement, more than 10,000 people have
visited the landing page for the porn app, and a dozen Glass owners have signed
up with the app, MiKandi CEO Jesse Adams said. MiKandi will supposedly develop
a neutered version of the app that somehow doesn't include any of the forbidden
content. "Although the app is still live and people are using it, at this
point we must make changes to the app in order to comply with the new policies.
Expect to see changes to the application tomorrow," Adams added. A truly
sad day for pervs everywhere………
- Speaking of pervs…..take center stage, California state Sen.
Jerry Hill (D-San Mateo). Sen.
Hill doesn’t understand that freaks, losers and degenerates need a place – real
or virtual – to get their freak on and for that very reason, he is using his
position as an elected official to push for the termination of a long-running
and extremely lucrative tax break for women who take their clothes off for
money. The tax break applies to Deja Vu Showgirls and Gold Club
Centerfolds, two clubs in Hill’s district that are part
of a program from the 1980s to spur economic development in troubled areas. The
idea was somehow to promote economic growth by allowing coke-addled strippers
with daddy issues to keep more of the $1 bills lecherous losers shove into their
G-strings. Hill terms the current law a loophole allowing a $37,000 tax break
for each employee. “It was intended to do a good thing, but the problem is it
has been gamed,” Hill said. He added that strip clubs are not the only
businesses cashing in on the loophole. “A lot of this is going to Walmart,
Fed-Ex—large corporations that move not because of tax credits, but because
they want to go to that area,” he continued. Thankfully, someone is fighting
back on behalf of Ginger, Bambi, Cinnamon and the other lovely ladies of Deja
Vu Showgirls and Gold Club Centerfolds. The Association of Club Executives—the
national group that oversees nightclubs— is arguing that these two clubs are being
unfairly targeted. “The enterprise zones landed on these clubs that were
already there,” said ACE spokesman Matt Gray. “A business is a business. It
employs people legitimately, and I think the employees are more than happy to
pay their rent and put food on the table like anyone else.” Hill is attempting
to close the loophole, but it sounds like he may have a fight on his hands…….
- The only moment anyone is going to remember five years
from now about from last month’s Billboard Music Awards has nothing to do with
the deluge of crappy pop that plagued the broadcast from start to finish. Pop
singer Miguel took to the stage to sing….umm….one of his crappy mainstream pop
songs and mid-performance, he exited the stage by going airborne and proceeded
to clobber two fans in the head with a Hulk Hogan-esque leg drop. In the
aftermath of the incident, the singer claimed he simply got caught up in the
moment and for lack of a better term, that “rock made him do it.” The fact that
nothing about his hacky act even remotely resembles rock and roll must have
been lost on him, but apparently so were the specific instructions he received
from the show’s producers not to attempt the jump that morphed into a failed
WWE finishing maneuver. Reports surfaced Tuesday that Miguel was ordered not
to attempt his dangerous jump over the crowd because producers believed the
potential for an accident was too high. Ever the artist (sans any actual talent
that an artist might have), Miguel reportedly ignored the order, but only after
approaching the producers before rehearsals and asking if he could try to jump
over the crowd during his performance. They either doubted his athletic prowess
or recognized him as a full-fledged moron (possibly both) and shot the idea
down emphatically. When the show started, his crappy music was being piped
through the auditorium and his pre-recorded vocals were cranking, Miguel blew
right through the stop sign producers put up and the producers' fears were
realized when he botched the jump and leg-dropped two female fans, slamming one
fan’s head against the stage. For some odd reason, that fan has hired a lawyer
and that lawyer claims his client may have suffered a brain injury and says a
lawsuit could be imminent………
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