- Someone call the national guard, quick! There’s a massive fire that's razed at least four homes consumed about 3,500 acres in Herriman, Utah and more than 150 firefighters spent all last night battling the blaze and contending with shifting and powerful winds whipping the blaze to and fro. I just think that perhaps the national guard could be of some……wait, it was the national guard that started the f’ing fire in the first place? Never mind. Apparently, the fire was sparked around noon Sunday by guardsmen practicing with a machine gun at the Utah National Guard base nearby at Camp Williams. Squeezing off a few rounds with a machine gun sounds like fun and it probably is, right up to the point where you start a major wildfire. Capt. Brad Taylor, the Unified Fire Authority spokesman, spoke at a pre-dawn news conference Monday and explained that winds gusting up to 50 mph exacerbated the fire, with nearly 1,500 families displaced. The temporarily homeless families flocked to Herriman High School, where the Red Cross had set up cots and was providing food and water. Utah Gov. Gary Herbert clearly decided that he was not going to be left out when it came to holding news conferences about the fire and staged his own late Sunday night. During his address, he ironically that 124 national Guardsman have been called to help battle the ongoing wildfire in the Salt Lake suburb. I think it's still touch-and-go ... I think a lot depends on the weather," Herbert replied when asked if the worst of the fire was over. However, he was quick to insist that the military exercise started during relatively normal conditions. "It was not that windy when they started," Herbert said. "This was a typical weekend situation." Those on the ground in Herriman don’t sound so hopeful about getting the fire under control. "Literally, the whole mountainside is on fire," Lt. Don Hutson of the Unified Police Department said. "The flames are just coming down the backyards and bumping up against many of the structures on the high part of the mountain." Not content to douse any flames of hope with those words, Hutson then described the fire as "extremely fast moving." Based on that description, one has to wonder why Herbert has not declared a state of emergency. Perhaps that declaration is forthcoming because Utah has also requested assistance from the Federal Emergency Management Agency, which has approved a fire management assistance grant (cue the people of New Orleans screaming, “FEMA? NOOOOOOOOOO!). Life in Utah just got a lot more interesting………
- I give up. Joaquin Phoenix’s insanity act over the past year-plus was a hoax, then it was real, then it was a hoax and…..well, I’m not sure where it stands right now. What I do know is that Phoenix’s erratic behavior — the beard, the retirement from acting, the promised hip-hop career - was a massive publicity grab on his part and to that end, it worked expertly. Whether Phoenix has legitimately lost his mind or not, he’s generated plenty of attention for he and Casey Affleck’s now-released mockumentary I’m Still Here. Affleck has admitted that the crazy act was fake and he’s insisted that it was real, so no clarity is forthcoming on his end. But now there is a question as to whether David Letterman was in on the hoax when Phoenix did his infamous crash-and-burn interview last year in which he appeared as disheveled and disoriented as ever. A recent interview with Late Show with David Letterman writer Bill Scheft suggests that Letterman was indeed in on the joke for the interview, during which Phoenix stuck his gum under Letterman’s desk, mumbled answers in between awkward silences and was devoid of both humor and cohesive thought. “Think Andy Kaufman without shaving,” Scheft said. “That’s what he was doing. And Dave knew about it and Dave loved it because he could play along. He could do whatever he wanted with it. And he did, and it was great television. But I will take credit for the line, ‘I think I owe Farrah Fawcett an apology.’ That line was mine. I gave that to him during the break.” What evidence is there for Letterman knowing about the hoax and playing along? For one, Letterman seemed far too at ease with the crazy act and had a ready response every time Phoenix said or did something insane. He played up the tiny indie movie Phoenix was ostensibly there to promote, Two Lovers, had the actor apparently trying to stifle laughter when he cracked, “What can you tell us about your days as the Unabomber?”) and ending the interview by saying “Good job” and shaking his hand, with Phoenix taking his sunglasses off to signal the end of performance. Just another bizarre layer to a story with plenty of them and yet, with seemingly no point at all………
- No one - and I mean NO ONE - tells me how I can or cannot refer to their nation or region. That includes you, Celebrate Africa Foundation, a nonprofit that supposedly promotes the continent and is attempting to collect more than 2 million signatures that will be submitted to world leaders and international organizations to stop the use of the phrase "Sub-Saharan Africa." What’s so offensive about a term that merely refers to the geographic location of countries to the south of the Sahara Desert? According to the tools at CAF, the term is a "disparaging and contemptuous" reference to nations south of the Sahara. The group hopes to collect its 2 million signatures and deliver them to organizations such as the African Union, the United Nations and the World Bank. "Sub-Saharan Africa is a pejorative term. It is an euphemism for contemptuousness employed by the continent's detractors to delineate between the five Arab countries that make up north Africa from the other 42 countries and the islands that make up the rest of Africa," said Chika Onyeani, chairman of the foundation. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Cry me a freaking river, crybaby. Are you serious? You’re wasting time on this? A continent full of Third World countries comprised of impoverished and starving people and this is what you’re working on? Shouldn’t ending wars, famine and genocide be higher on the list? I seem to recall allegations of human organ trafficking in South Africa not so long ago and you might want to tackle that before whining about people referring to Algeria, Egypt, Tunisia, Libya and Morocco as North Africa and everything else as Sub-Saharan Africa. "Who decided on the line of demarcation between 'northern' and 'southern' Africa?" Onyeani asked in a statement. My man, I will refer to your little cadre of countries any way I see fit and just because you think the term “Sub-Saharan Africa” has negative connotations is no reason for me to adjust my vocabulary and learn to refer to Sub-Saharan Africa by a new name. But Onyeani won't quit and insists that the term started off in the 1990s at the height of the AIDS epidemic in the continent. said the term started on a negative connotation. "It was a way of telling us, 'you people are lepers, you don't belong to the human race,'" he said. "Just because America is below Canada in North America, doesn't make the United States a sub-America.” No, but it does make Canada America’s Hat……so maybe that’s your solution. Instead of demanding that everyone else come up with a new name for your region, just begin referring to North Africa as Sub-Saharan Africa’s Hat. Problem solved and you know where to send the thank you note……….
- Never a good sign when your local prosecutor feels the need to retain an attorney of his own. But when one is accused of ending personal texts to a domestic abuse victim while prosecuting her former boyfriend, outside counsel is a fairly sound idea. District Attorney Ken Kratz is the man at the center of the sh*tstorm and he’s on medical leave, according to the Calumet County District Attorney's office after apologizing for his actions but declaring that he won't step down from office. Apologizing might not be the best move when Wisconsin Department of Justice officials have labeled some of your texts "crossing the line and can be construed as sexual harassment." What, just because Kratz referred to a domestic abuse victim as a "tall, young, hot nymph," and sent her a that read, "You are beautiful and would make a great partner someday," that’s no reason to cry sexual harassment. But just to be safe, if Kratz was going to come out and admit his guilt, he probably shouldn’t have spent several weeks last year denying any wrongdoing when questioned by the Wisconsin Department of Justice. The strategy didn’t work for Floyd Landis and it didn’t work for Kratz, who finally caved last week and admitted, "My behavior was inappropriate." Yet for some odd reason, he stood up at his press conference on Friday and vowed to stay in office "as I have been elected to do." He even tried to make a case for keeping his job by going with the old “I’m going to see a psychologist” excuse. Bro, it didn’t help Tiger Woods save his marriage when he copped to a supposed sex addiction and I don’t think it’s going to work in your situation either, not when you sent 30 text messages over a three-day period to this woman. That would be extremely creepy even if you were dating, let alone if you’re the prosecutor in the case of the man who allegedly abused her. Furthermore, e-mails between Kratz and the state's Department of Justice suggest that the woman later contacted local police and "expressed concerns that if she did not do what [Kratz] wanted her to, [Kratz] might throw her case or possibly retaliate in other ways." Oh, and along the way Kratz also resigned his position as chairman and district appointee to the Wisconsin Crime Victims Rights Board, which was probably a good move. Let’s just go out on a limb here and say that prosecutors should never be texting alleged victims in any case for any reason, nor should they ever use the term nymph in any conversation with said victims…………
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