Karma's revenge on Ole Miss, banning bank attire and the Spice Skanks musical no one asked for is happening anyhow

- Karma has come back to bite you in the backside, University of Mississippi football program. You welcome a career criminal in the making like Jeremiah Masoli into the fold and then go to war on his behalf when the NCAA initially rules him ineligible, odds are that the great equalizing force of the universe is going to have a little something for you. In this case, that something was an über-humbling, even embarrassing 48-47 double-overtime loss to lowly Division 1-AA opponent Jacksonville State. Worse still, Ole Miss blew an 18-point second quarter lead and the Rebels completed their collapse on an insane final play of the game when Jacksonville State running back Calvin Middleton found himself in the middle of a mass of bodies and on the receiving end of quarterback Coty Blanchard’s 2-point conversion pass in the end zone. Middleton came down with the football as the Gamecocks celebrated an improbable and unpredictable win. "The coaches called a shovel pass," Middleton said. "I don't even know if [Blanchard] saw me, but I knew if I could catch it I was deep enough in the end zone to score. This means everything." Credit Jacksonville State coach Jack Crowe for having the kahones to go for the win in what is clearly the most important win in program history. "I just didn't think we could play defense again," Crowe said. The win was especially ironic for Crowe because he was fired in 1992 after a similar loss when his Arkansas Razorbacks lost to The Citadel -- which was also a lower-level program. "If you stay in this long enough, it goes both ways," Crowe said. It may go both ways, but it shouldn’t go the way of a team from the Ohio Valley Conference outscoring an SEC team 21-3 in the fourth quarter to force overtime. "Without a doubt, it's the worst loss of my career," Ole Miss coach Houston Nutt said. Thanks for the words of hope and resilience, coach. Nothing like being on the wrong end of history in helping Jacksonville State set a record for largest comeback in program history. As for Masoli, the rap-sheet-sporting quarterback that Ole Miss fought so hard to get on the field, it was a moderately successful day for Masoli and by that I don’t mean he wasn’t accused of a first-degree felony. What I mean is that Masoli completed 7 of 10 passes for 109 yards and one interception and led the Rebels on both of their touchdown drives in overtime. Unfortunately for the Rebels, Masoli doesn’t play defense and could offer no help in preventing the Gamecocks from scoring on their final six possessions, including touchdowns on the last five. Not what one would hope for from a defense that ranked in the top half of the Southeastern Conference in most major categories last season. Lots of success trying to contain potent SEC offenses like Florida, Alabama and Arkansas if Jacksonville state can work you over like that………

- I’m calling sartorial discrimination on this one. Banks on Henrico, Va. are enacting very biased, small-minded clothing rules for customers that enter their establishments. Under the advice of police, banks in the area have posted signs demanding that patrons remove their hats, hoods, and sunglasses and put down their cell phones. If customers leave those items of clothing on, they are not allowed inside. So why did police recommend those specific guidelines? Well, because history shows they're the wardrobe of choice for would-be robbers. "It's a protection for our customers and for our employees," said “Hello” Kitty Buckner, branch manager for a C&F bank branch in East Henrico. "When someone comes in with a hood up, you can't see their faces." C&F has been one of the banks hit hardest by robberies, including one branch in Henrico that was robbed five times in seven years. That branch began imposing clothing guidelines and since then, there hasn’t been a single robbery. Now, odds are that these inane, overbearing rules are driving away so many customers that would-be robbers pick other banks to target because those other banks will have more money, but whatever works, I guess. Based on the success of the impromptu C&F pilot program, police are now working to ban the items at more banks, including Henrico Federal Credit Union. Tellers say they feel safer with the ban in place and I can see why. Some dude in a $150 pair of Oakleys would scare the crap out of me too. One may wonder why the ban of cell phones is tangled up in this mess. That would be due to the tendency of robbers will to coordinate with their getaway driver during a robbery. All in all, it makes me wish I lived in Virginia so I could put on a hat, hoodie and shades and walk into a bank, be denied service and file a lawsuit in response………

- No matter how terrible the Labor Day traffic jam you find yourself in this holiday weekend, take solace in the fact that you’re not ensnared in the ginormous and absurd pileup currently detaining as many as 10,000 vehicles that are packed fender to fender for 74.5 miles along the north-south Beijing-Tibet expressway in China. The backup has moved into its 11^th day and shows no signs of breaking up any time soon, not with ongoing roadwork with the ironic purpose of alleviating traffic issues still forging ahead. Because of its redonkulous length, the traffic jam is also facing unlikely and unusual problems that even the worst rush-hour crush in the United States doesn’t have: drivers falling asleep at the wheel or abandoning their vehicles entirely. Most of the congestion is located between Inner Mongolia and Hebei province, which is located northwest of Beijing. The majority of the vehicles in the jam are trucks carrying coal and food into Beijing. The mess began late last month when various sections along the expressway were backing up due to road construction. Even after most early blockages were slowly resolved, problems persisted and on Aug. 27 traffic hit a massive bottleneck at the Ji Meng toll stop in Inner Mongolia. Like a row of carbon-emitting, internally combusting dominoes, vehicles soon began piling up and before long, the backup was some 18.6 miles long and was slowing thousands of cars trying to get through the tolls. The repairs that started this all were needed to repair the damage caused by cargo trucks using the expressway. The construction won't be finished until mid-September, so don’t expect this mess to clear up this week. Beijing's Municipal Committee attempted to shift some blame onto other factors, including the overloading of goods on transport vehicles, vehicle breakdowns and the sheer volume of cars on the highway. No matter how you explain it, the reality is that Beijing's traffic levels have increased by 130 percent from 2009 to 2010 and the average daily traffic volume is 14,000 vehicles on a road with a maximum capacity of 10,000…………

- The nightmare is about to become a reality and it will be wearing absurdly high platform heels and tacky, sequined outfits while singing garbage pop songs. That nightmare will be the now-in-production musical based on the vision of hell that we know as the Spice Girls and their musical career. Writer Jennifer Saunders is writing the story for the Spice Girls musical Viva Forever and labeled her emotions as "thrilled and terrified.” I’m terrified as well, but I’m guessing for a different reason than Saunders. She added that the project had been "great fun so far.” Of course it’s been fun; you haven’t had to suffer through the sheer horror of hearing a cast of dozens belting out some of the most mindless pop crap ever written or performed. Not surprisingly, the musical comes from the poisoned, contaminated mind of Judy Craymer, producer of Abba musical Mamma Mia! Anyone who helps to revive the disco era in any way, shape or form is a sick and twisted soul beyond rehabilitation, I always say. So what sort of plot line do you weave into a Spice Girls musical? Well, Viva Forever is based on Spice Girls songs but will feature a "new contemporary story about friendship, celebrity and fame,” Craymer said. Saunders likewise lavished lofty and undeserved praise on the project. “It is very exciting to be writing a musical that encompasses the music and energy of the biggest girl band of all time. My daughters grew up with The Spice Girls - I had to write the book for them as well as myself," she stated. For better or worse, we have a projected premiere date for this freak show: some time in 2012 in London’s West End district. That means there is plenty of time to take drastic countermeasures to ensure that this train wreck in the making never sees the stage……….

- Can I ask why Toshiba has announced the voluntary recall of about 41,000 notebook computers worldwide at risk of overheating and burning users? I don’t doubt that these lappers get red-hot and could leave first-degree burns on the legs of those using them, but what laptop doesn’t? Regardless of what brand you use, which model and how old it is, every single laptop ever made is seemingly capable of producing nuclear-level heat with the potential to turn your legs into well-done ground beef if you leave them in one spot for too long. But for the sake of safety, I will inform you that the recalled models are the Satellite T135, Satellite T135D and Satellite ProT130 notebook computers. The worrywarts at U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission. Consumers are behind the recall and asking anyone with one of these models to immediately download the latest version of a software program called BIOS. The BIOS program measures whether a recalled notebook is overheating and disables the computer's external power while simultaneously alerting the consumer to contact Toshiba for a free repair. If you are reading this on a Satellite T135, Satellite T135D or Satellite ProT130 computer, you can download the free software at http://laptops.toshiba.com/about/consumer-notices. If you don’t have Internet access, you can contact the company for installation of the program. So far, Toshiba has received 129 reports of the computers overheating and deforming the plastic casing around the AC adapter plug. Two cases have included reports of minors burns and two more have been tagged with reports of minor property damage. One could argue that a customer can't possibly expect too much from a lapper that retails for $600 to $800, but no one deserves to get burned - literally - by their new laptop. The offending computers were sold between August 2009 and August 2010 and additional information is available from Toshiba at (800) 457-7777 or http://laptops.toshiba.com/about/consumer-notices. Act now, lest your computer turn into a mini Chernobyl in your lap………