Comedy in Congress, a drastic need for Jack Bauer and the death of rock and roll continues

- Since when does Congress take itself so seriously? Apparently when a television personality whose job it is to often ridicule and belittle them, our nation’s senators and representatives feel the need to put their serious faces on and act all tough. Never was that more evident than Friday, when Comedy Central's Stephen Colbert testified before the House Judiciary Committee’s Subcommittee on Immigration on Capitol Hill Friday about the conditions facing America's undocumented farm workers. Colbert had filmed a series of humorous video shorts for his show, The Colbert Report, this week and in doing that series he worked with committee Chairman Rep. Zoe Lofgren. Lofgren invited him to Friday’s hearing and the host of The Colbert Report told members of a House Judiciary subcommittee that he hoped to bring attention to the workers' hardships. "I certainly hope that my star power can bump this hearing all the way up to C-SPAN 1," he quipped. "America's farms are presently far too dependent on immigrant labor to pick our fruits and vegetables. Now, the obvious answer is for all of us to stop eating fruits and vegetables. And if you look at the recent obesity statistics, many Americans have already started." All joking aside, Colbert did bring a substantial amount of attention to a hearing that otherwise would have been an also-ran in a normal week in Washington. He added that "we all know there is a long tradition of great nations importing foreign workers to do their farm work." To promote his appearance before the committee, Colbert aired a video on the Thursday edition of his show in which he packed corn and picked beans on a farm as part of a challenge from a pro-immigrant-labor group. "I'll admit I started my work day with preconceived notions of migrant labor," Colbert said. "But after working with these men and women ... side by side in the unforgiving sun I have to say -- and I do mean this sincerely -- please don't make me do this again. It is really, really hard." Colbert sat down alongside several people with actual ties to the issue at hand, including United Farm Workers President Arturo Rodriguez, whose group launched "Take Our Jobs," a campaign that challenged U.S. citizens to replace immigrants in farm work. Amazingly, only seven American citizens or legal residents have taken up the challenge. Rodriguez argued that this is evidence that immigrant workers aren't taking citizens' jobs. As such, he’s pushing for a bill that would give undocumented farm workers currently in the United States the right to earn legal status. In responding to criticisms of his appearance before the committee, Colbert took shots at the various committees who had brought such luminaries as Christie Brinkley and Elmo of “Sesame Street” fame to testify. Yet some members of the committee still wanted to make their displeasure known that someone who might actually be smarter and sharper than they are dared to tread on their hallowed ground. "Maybe we should be spending less time watching Comedy Central and more time considering all the real jobs that are out there -- ones that require real hard labor and ones that don't involve sitting behind a desk," said Rep. Steve King, R-Iowa. That comment came after Michigan Rep. John Conyers asked Colbert to leave the room before the hearing even began. Conyers claimed he feared Colbert would create a "circus" atmosphere, but after a question-and-answer session with the subcommittee, Conyers conceded that the funny man turned out to be "profound.” Glad to see at least one person kept an open mind in all of this……….

- Whatever you say, Jerr-uh. Dallas Cowboys owner/general manager Jerry Jones can insist all he wants that head coach Wade Phillips' job is not in any jeopardy, but let’s hear Jones say that if the ‘Boys lose to Houston Sunday and fall to 0-3. "I can just give you a very affirmative 'no,' " Jones told a Dallas radio station when asked whether he has lost any confidence in his coach. He maintained that Phillips would not be fired in the event of an 0-3 start, a claim that is easy to make now but might be hard to back up if the 0-3 becomes reality. Sure, Phillips signed a new two-year contract after last season, but last season’s 12 wins and victory in the postseason to end a 12-year playoff win drought might as well be two decades ago. The Cowboys have been receiving plenty of buzz about the possibility to be the first team to both host and play in a Super Bowl, as this year’s championship game will be played in Jones' new $1.2 billion stadium, but that buzz is virtually dead at this point and a third straight loss to open the season would be the ultimate kill shot. Even Phillips referred to this week's game against the 2-0 Houston Texans as an "emergency" situation, so how can his job not be in danger if Dallas loses? "I do believe in Wade and the staff and the players," said Jones. "The thing about it is when you have that kind of commitment, one of the No. 1 things you have it for is those situations. Those people are supposed to really be there in hard times. Hard times. That's when you've got to make your best grade if you're deserving of that commitment and we're in hard times. That's why I'm in the saddle with Wade and in the saddle with the staff and the team." You might be in the saddle now, but odds are you’ll be looking for a new horse if Phillips and offensive coordinator Jason Garrett continue to throw the ball 50 times a game and get beaten by two teams that didn’t even come close to making the playoffs last season. Only five teams in NFL history have overcome an 0-3 start to make the playoffs and the way the Cowboys have looked thus far, they aren’t going to be the sixth……….

- What screams spirit of the Commonwealth Games quite like a nice dose of child labor to get the host country ready for them? The primary concern for the games had been the safety and security of Commonwealth Game athletes, but it turns out that Indian officials should have been paying just as a close an eye to child labor. When children as young as seven are being used in the construction of game venues, that could be a problem. For one, these kids cannot possibly have seen enough “Bob the Builder” episodes to fully understand the construction trade. Secondly, how are you going to get anything done when they keep goofing off, throwing things at one another and calling their boss “doodie head” if he tells them to do anything they don’t feel like doing? Oh, and there’s always the issue of them being about four feet tall and not strong enough to lift most of the materials needed to do the job. Child labor is nothing new in New Delhi and anyone who has spent even a few days there can attest to how prevalent the practice truly is. And we’re not talking about kids helping mom or dad out at the family business; kids are swinging hammers, banging stones, paving entry ways and planting grass for hours at a time. With that work structure already in place, it’s no surprise that when the country needed to work around the clock to prepare for a major international sporting event, child laborers were put to work. They do their labor in conditions best described as sub-human, living in the dirt, going to them behind bushes and trees and eating what most of the rest of the world wouldn’t even consider food. Conditions are so filthy that human excrement was found in the athletes village a few days ago. The child laborers have little to no concept of what’s going on or why they are working so hard, yet they follow orders and don’t ask questions. Indian officials have not responded to the child labor claims directly and when pressed on a Harvard study done on the issue, insisted that they had no knowledge of any such practice. Uh-huh, sure you don’t……….

- Another week, another piece of highly sophisticated malicious software threatening to take over the tech world. This time it’s the Stuxnet computer worm that…..wait for it……targets Windows-based machines. Of course it does. The worm spreads through previously unknown holes in Microsoft's Windows operating system and seeks out a type of software made by Siemens and used to control industrial components, including valves and brakes. As you might imagine with this type of worm, it is targeted at and has already infected an unknown number of power plants, pipelines and factories over the past year. The worm is unique because it is the first program designed to cause serious damage in the physical world. Complicating matters further, Stuxnet can hide itself, wait for certain conditions to occur and give new orders to the components that reverse their normal functions. With such an extremely specified group of commands, the worm is almost certainly aimed at an industrial sector, but officials do not know which one or what the affected equipment might do. Because of its focus on physical destruction, Stuxnet is a very different player in the game of cyberwarfare than previous worms. The matter is serious enough that a closed-door conference about it was held this week in Maryland. At the conference, Ralph Langner, a German industrial controls safety expert, postulated that Stuxnet might be targeting not a sector but perhaps only one plant. As if to make the situation even scarier, he then speculated that it could be a controversial nuclear facility in Iran. Symantec, the tech firm investigating the virus, intends to publish details of the rogue commands on Wednesday and seemed to back Langner’s theory by confirming that Iran has had far more infections than any other country. Because of Stuxnet's knowledge of Microsoft's Windows operating system, the Siemens program and the associated hardware of the target industry, experts have pegged it as the handiwork of a extremely well-financed, organized group. Honestly, it sounds like something out of a James Bond movie except that this time, there’s no quick-quipping Brit with a remote-controlled BMW riding in to save the day. In keeping with the James Bond motif, may experts also believe that the worm is most likely associated with a national government. Stuxnet has actually been spreading for more than a year, but until now the knowledge base on its effects has been rather limited. Microsoft has done its best to patch the vulnerabilities in Windows, but let’s be honest……..it’s still Windows. An anti-virus software package from German conglomerate Siemens has already been downloaded 12,000 times, so the fight has at least begun in earnest now………

- What the heck has happened to rock and roll? There was a time when getting arrested and charged with battery, public intoxication and resisting law enforcement, doing $200 damage to your dressing room and binging on drugs and alcohol would make you the most celebrated rock star of the age. Now…..it’s a reason to go to rehab. That sad development is illustrated by the plight of singer Justin Townes Earle, who posted a statement Thursday on his Web site announcing that he is suspending his tour and entering a rehabilitation facility. His publicist confirmed the announcement and now the 2009 Americana Music Association new/emerging artist winner will become decidedly un-rock and roll by going to rehab instead of celebrating and reveling in his excess and unruliness. He is accused of trashing his dressing room after a Sept. 16 show in Indianapolis, then assaulting the club's owner. That led to his arrest and the subsequent postponement of U.S. and British dates in support of his new album, "Harlem River Blues," through Nov. 14.
For some odd reason, Earle made a point of saying that he is "committed" to confronting his problems with addiction and the New York-based artist will try to sell that story to a judge when he has his next court date in the case on Oct. 19.
For the record, he does deny published descriptions of the altercation. Somewhere, proud papa and Grammy-winning country artist Steve Earle has to be proud, or he would be if his son understood what rock and roll is all about……….