Insane men as their own attorneys, the perfect match of pop hack and karaoke contest and Riot Watch! in Kashmir

- The line about those who represent themselves in court being fools is as clichéd as they come, but does the cliché apply to the insane? In other words, is it so crazy for certifiably insane person to represent himself or herself in court? That question will soon be proven in the trial of Umar Farouk AbdulMutallab, the man accused of trying to blow up a plane last Christmas and said in court Monday that he no longer wants to be represented by federal defenders and would act as his own attorney. "I prefer to represent myself," AbdulMutallab explained. "I don't feel any representation I get would suit -- would represent me in a way that is in my best interest." Whatever you say, U. Represent yourself, have a court-appointed attorney…..I doubt it’s going to make much of a difference. Judge Nancy Edmunds granted the request while also appointing standby counsel for AbdulMutallab. Before giving her final approval, she did ask him a series of questions about his knowledge of law, the case and the charges he faces. As far as crazy, psychopathic maniacs who attempt to set off bombs hidden inside their underwear aboard a plane from Amsterdam, Netherlands, to Detroit, Michigan, on Christmas Day, you could do worse when it comes to the mental capacities of the accused and his or her capability to act as an attorney. AbdulMutallab, is the British-educated son of a Nigerian bank executive (save the jokes about all the Nigerian Internet scams by purported princes waiting for their inheritance), so he comes from a good family at least. He did admit, under questioning from Edmunds, that he has not studied law or represented anyone in court before. Additionally, Edmunds asked whether his defenders had failed him in some significant way and he answered that they had not. She gave her approval only after labeling AbdulMutallab’s decision to represent himself "unwise." The U.S. Justice Department, which is prosecuting the case, had no comment on the decision but you’d have to imagine that they’re thrilled to have their job get that much easier. Prosecuting a defendant on six federal charges would normally be a challenging task, especially when one of those charges is attempted use of a weapon of mass destruction and willful attempt to destroy an aircraft. Not that anyone who has ever flown hasn’t wanted to do some sort of damage to airline property at some point over a lost bag, canceled flight or missed connection, but most of us would simply gouge a hole in the seat fabric with our car keys or something like that. AbdulMutallab (allegedly) took a different tact and his self-defense began somewhat on Monday when he asked the judge: "If I want to plead guilty to some counts, basically, how would that go?" How will it go? Poorly, I would guess. Following in the illustrious shoes of Zacarias Moussaoui, the first man charged in connection with the September 11 attacks, isn’t something anyone should strive for. Of course, Moussaoui lost his right to act as his own council after the judge in his case got tired of warning him to stop filing what she termed frivolous and disrespectful court orders. Stay tuned for the next step in this exciting legal drama, which takes place at AbdulMutallab's next court date on October 14. I know I can’t wait………

- The perfect match has finally come to be. A talentless, lip-syncing pop hack who relies on computer-generated beats, sampled loops and studio enhancements to make her non-existent vocal skills passable may soon become the next judge on the single worst thing ever to happen to music, American Karaoke. Jennifer Lopez and her incredible posterior have reportedly reached a $12 million deal with Fox Broadcasting Company to put her alongside whichever other musical credibility bastardizing fools they slam on the AK “judging” panel for next season in what should be a futile grasp at reviving the show’s fading ratings. An anonymous source confirmed the deal, which made me laugh because in whose world is any AK story serious enough that a person doesn’t want to go on the record in speaking about it? Rumors of Lopez becoming a judge for the world’s largest karaoke contest have been swirling for some time and based on the fact that she hasn’t put out a good album in…..well, ever…..she should have accepted the moment that phone call came. Seriously, don’t even wait for Fox to spell out the terms. Just say yes, sign the deal and ask questions later. I know it’s bizarre for me to recommend anyone joining the AK crew because I feel the entire show is fundamentally evil and all, but Lopez is on the same low musical level as this abortion and so she’s not really losing anything in the exchange. For a few weeks, the reported deal seemed on the verge of collapse over what were deemed “diva” demands on Lopez’s part. Sources close to the show have downplayed those reports, claiming that they may have been nothing more than other candidates for the post trying to cast aspersions on Lopez. Hopefully her selection means that Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler will not be taking a blowtorch to all of his musical integrity by joining the AK panel, meaning I won't have to immediately set fire to every piece of Aerosmith music I own. No word on whether Lopez was able to get provisions in the deal that would have guaranteed her movie and TV pilot deals from Fox, but it’s not like either side would be selling out or looking worse if that happened because, well……both already did those things a long time ago……….

- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! It’s time to stand up and be counted, Indian protesters. Thousands of members of your nation’s security forces just spat directly in your face on Tuesday when they dispersed across the combustible Kashmir region, announcing over loudspeakers that they would shoot anyone defying a curfew imposed a day after 18 people were killed in clashes between police and protesters. The Kashmir region is always in upheaval because of its people’s continual quest for autonomy and the resulting struggle against The Man. Still, Monday’s outburst of angry demonstrations was impressive even by Kashmir standards. The riots were sparked by rumors and innuendo about the proposed Koran burning by idiotic Florida pastor/hatemonger Terry Jones. But to blame the riots completely on Jones is unfair because the entire summer has been marked by anti-Indian protests in Kashmir and these demonstrations quickly turned into another of those. Fact is, Kashmir residents hate the Indian military presence continually hanging over them and pelting security forces with rocks is a given at this point. So far, least 88 people have been killed in the riots and thus the curfew, which is not likely to have an impact - at least not the one the government wants. Turning a profitable, prosperous region into a locked-down war zone blanketed by Indian security forces posted in bunkers on nearly every street is bad enough, but expecting the people to sit back and accept it is worse. But accept it, Kashmirians have not. In defiance of the curfew, hundreds of protesters took to the streets Tuesday. They were met with live ammunition and tear gas from security forces and so the battle rages on. Facing what many are calling the strictest curfew in memory, the people are pushing back. Riot on, people of Kashmir, riot on…………

- And that’s why it’s a terrible idea to expect professional athletes to comment intelligently on social issues. As soon as the New York Jets were accused of sexually harassing reporter Ines Sainz, you knew that the media would ask other players on other teams about the issue and it was only a matter of time before a guy responded without truly considering his answer or a guy who just isn’t that smart was asked the wrong question by a reporter. That man turned out to be Washington Redskins running back Clinton Portis, who said in a radio interview this morning that it's almost certain that a female reporter "is going to want somebody" when she goes into an NFL locker room. Yes, he basically implied that female reporters are simply going to want to sleep with one or more players the instant they enter a locker room instead of doing their job. His answer came in response to a question about the NFL's investigation of the Jets' treatment of Sainz at a practice last week. "I think you put women reporters in the locker room in position to see guys walking around naked, and you sit in the locker room with 53 guys, and all of the sudden you see a nice woman in the locker room, I think men are going to tend to turn and look and want to say something to that woman," Portis said. Unsurprisingly, he doubled back before the end of the day and tried frantically to distance himself from his comments. "I was wrong to make the comments I did, and I apologize. I respect the job that all reporters do. It is a tough job and we all have to work and act in a professional manner. I understand and support the team on these issues," Portis said in a statement released by the team. Hmm, something tells me that the man also known as Coach Spanky Janky, Dolla Bill, Dolomite Jenkins and Sheriff Gonna Gethca (some of the personas Portis has adopted in the past when he dressed up for interviews and got into character) didn’t write that apology himself. The NFL came out quickly and swiftly against Portis’ remarks, with league spokesman Greg Aiello calling Portis' comments "clearly inappropriate, offensive, and have no place in the NFL." Not to be rude, G., but you didn’t honestly expect anything more, did you……..

- Ready for a smartphone for the common man? Well, the common man still can't afford a truly tricked out smart phone because the common man is fighting bitterly just to put food on his table, but if he were able to eke out a few extra dollars for a BlackBerry, the common man would have a new smartphone on his radar: the new BlackBerry Curve 3G 9330. Research In Motion and Verizon announced the new model today and the big selling point is its retail price of $29.99 after a $100 mail-in rebate and a new, two-year customer agreement. What do I get if I buy this new piece of shiny-yet-affordable technology, you ask? Well, the BlackBerry Curve 3G ships with BlackBerry 5 but is BlackBerry 6-ready. When you open the box, you’ll find a smartphone with built-in Wi-Fi and GPS, a 2-megapixel camera, a microSD slot expandable to 32GB and support for BlackBerry App World. Sure, the phone doesn’t have all of the features and toys that many other smartphones have, but it costs a lot less and in the world we reside in, that means a lot to the vast majority of people. You’ll still have BlackBerry Messenger and the BlackBerry’s QWERTY keyboard, so it’s not all that bad. The Curve 3G will be available for purchase through Verizon business channels on September 16 and at Verizon retail stores and the web in the next month or so. Do what you will with those morsels of tech goodness……….