Monday, September 06, 2010

Non-apology apologies, jurors are still morons and how to prevent a child from becomign FAT

- Gee, that was a genuine apology by Chicago White Sox rental hitter Manny Ramirez, wasn’t it? Two years after quitting on the Boston Red Sox and becoming such a clubhouse cancer that the team had to basically give him away at the trading deadline in 2008, Man-Ram actually pretended to feel bad about his actions in an interview given as he returned to Fenway Park, this time as a member of the White Sox. Having done the same thing to the Los Angeles Dodgers this season that he did to the Red Sox two years ago, Manny perhaps realizes what an absolute and total a-hole he is……or he realizes that he’s going to be a free agent this offseason and wants to salvage as much of a payday as he can at this point. I’m going with the latter because when Friday's game was postponed due to Hurricane Earl, Manny hit in the cage and then offered a truly un-Manny mea culpa for the way his Red Sox career ended. "I think everything was my fault," Ramirez said. "But, hey, you've got to be a real man to realize when you do wrong. Hey, it was my fault. I'm already past that stage and I'm happy with my new team.” Hmm, that sounded forced, contrived and very much like a man setting up a massive cash grab. That isn’t the attitude Man-Ram displayed in the weeks prior to the three-team trade that sent him to the Los Angeles Dodgers in 2008, when he and teammate Kevin Youkilis got into a fight in the dugout at Fenway Park. But no worries on that one either, because Manny said Friday afternoon that he apologized to Youkilis when he was in town during interleague play in June. "When I went to first base and saw Youkilis, I said, 'Hey, what happened between you and me, I'm sorry. That's my fault.' So it takes a real man just to go and tell a person it was my fault. That's what I did." Nothing like an apology mid-game at first base, how very Manny of him. Asked if he would change anything about his time in Boston if given the chance, Man-Ram said, "That's in the past. I would have been more relaxed. More patient. In life, you pass every stage, and I'm already past that stage. You keep growing, and when you look back you say, 'Oh, I did this wrong.' What is done is done. All you can do is go and play the game and finish your career good.” See, it’s that “finish your career good” part I think Manny is most focused on here, as in finish with a big payday. If he gave a crap about finishing the right way on the field, he wouldn’t be doing things like intentionally getting himself ejected from his last game as a Dodger because he knew that he had been placed on waivers, claimed by the White Sox and was on his way of L.A. That makes his comments about his time in L.A. all the more laughable. "I was happy the whole time," he said of his time in Dodger blue. The last Man-Ram gem on the day was his response to queries about whether he would play beyond this season. "Only God knows if I'm going to stop or keep playing," he said. “Only God is going to tell me when to stop. I'm not going to go out and say this is my last year. He hasn't told me that." Hmm……why do I get the impression that God is going to tell you to make one last reach for a big contract, try to rope some naïve team into giving it to you and then to do what you’ve always done, burn bridges and infuriate those who gave you a chance…………

- Perhaps the time has come to modify instructions given to jurors before every criminal and civil trial in the United States. In addition to not discussing the case without any outside parties or accepting anything from those outside parties to alter the verdict, judges should consider instructing the 12 bozos not smart enough to find a way out of jury duty that they also cannot Tweet or Facebook status update on the verdict before it’s announced in open court. I say this because of the case of Warren (Mich.) juror Hadley Jons, who told a judge Thursday she was "very sorry" for announcing a guilty verdict on Facebook before the trial was over. Somehow, this chick got off with a measly $250 fine and an assignment write a five-page essay on the constitutional right to a fair trial, courtesy of Macomb County Circuit Court Judge Diane Druzinski. A five-page paper? Seriously, is this a court of law or an eighth-grade classroom? Why not strip Jons of recess for two days or send her to detention? If there’s one thing I’m certain of in the f**ked up morass that is the American legal system, it’s that a plaintiff shouldn’t be able to log onto Facebook and read about their verdict before it’s handed to the bailiff and read by the judge and jury foreman. This wimpy fine and paper-writing assignment don’t exactly communicate that message in strong fashion. So what exactly did Jons do? Well, she was a juror in a resisting-arrest case and on a day off from the trial, Aug. 11, Jons wrote on Facebook it was "gonna be fun to tell the defendant they're GUILTY." That grammatically stunted Tweet landed Jons in trouble, but it’s sentence construction actually becomes incredibly impressive when you consider that Jons is…….wait for it……a community college student! That’s right, she’s a member of the 13th grade at Macomb Community College. And you all thought I was exaggerating when I said that juries were comprised of 12 idiots who couldn’t think their way out of jury duty. The only silver lining in this case is the fact that the defense attorney in the case spotted Jons’ post and alerted Druzinski, who removed Jons from the jury the next day. In the end, Jons’ prediction of a guilty verdict for defendant. Still, defense attorney Saleema Sheikhs supports my take on the case and remains unconvinced that Jons will learn her lesson. "Two hundred and fifty dollars ... is not that big of a hit, considering the offense," Sheikh said. Agreed and agreed, counselor……….


- Want to stop your cute little baby from becoming a FAT, gross adult? According to a new study published Monday in the journal Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine, you need to make sure that your newborn doesn’t become one of the children under the age of 5 getting less than 10 hours of sleep at night because those children are more likely to be overweight or obese five years later. Tying obesity to a lack of sleep later in life is a curious case, especially when you factor in that the study’s authors stipulated that daytime naps are not a substitute for sleep at night. "This is something we may be able to change to address the growing obesity problem," said study author Dr. Janice Bell from the University of Washington. Bell’s team reviewed a nationwide survey in 1997 and 2002 and found that babies and children up to age who didn’t sleep enough at night were "80 percent more likely to be obese [five years later] compared to other[s] who had long sleep." The trend only applied to children under the age of 5 and didn’t translate to older children (between the ages of 5 and 13). Bell (probably correctly) claims that hers is the first large, nationally representative study to suggest lack of sleep contributes to obesity in children. Scientists have long suspected a similar connection in adults, but not children. The odd aspect of daytime naps not impacting obesity the same way as night sleeping is apparently because day and nighttime sleep serve different functions. While naps might be a good stress reducer, nighttime sleep involves "complex biological, psychological and restorative functions." The Centers for Disease control recommends that a 1-year old baby should sleep 13-15 hours at night and 3-5 year-olds need 11-13 hours of nighttime sleep. The findings don’t vary across social or ethnic lines, so all parents would be well-advised to ensure that their tots are hitting the sheets early and staying there, lest they become tomorrow’s flabby adults………


- Is any position in the entertainment industry more of a revolving door than bassist for Jane’s Addiction? Aside from possibly being Donald Trump’s arm candy or Hugh Hefner’s girlfriend, no position has seen as much turnover as bass player for the temperamental band fronted by Perry Farrell. The latest to fill the role was former Guns N’ Roses rocker Duff McKagan, who was named to the band just five months ago and is already on the outs. The band and the bleached-blond rocker have parted ways and an official announcement came in an email from the remaining members. “Hey we wanted to thank Duff for helping us write songs for our new record,” the email read. “We love the songs we worked on with him — and the gigs were a blast — but musically we were all headed in different directions. From here Duff is off to work on his own stuff so we wish him all the best.” Nothing like recruiting a new band member so you can bang out an album, make a few bucks performing and selling your new material and then going your separate ways. Farrell seemed to indicate that McKagan was primarily responsible for his departure, saying the bassist has other plans for the future: “Jane’s wishes Duff much luck with his band Loaded. What a fun time we all had working together. Look out for his record and tour this fall.” And with that, the book closes on the fifth bassist for Jane’s Addiction since the band formed in 1985. If nothing else, McKagan was a part of the band accomplishing something monumental - at least for them - by finishing their first album in seven years. Bassist No. 6 should have a lot of fun stepping in and joining the band on its album-promoting tour……until he too is replaced about five months from now……….


- What if you had elections…..and no one showed up to vote. Sounds like the result we’re headed for here in the United States within a few years, but Moldova nearly beat us to the punch Sunday when a referendum they organized flopped due to an abysmal turnout. The turnout was so small, in fact, that the country’s leaders agreed on Monday to call new parliamentary elections in a second attempt to break Moldova’s political deadlock. "The situation ... means we must now go to the Constitutional Court for advice on dissolving parliament and announcing a date for new elections," said acting president Mihai Ghimpu. Ghimpu and the Alliance for European Integration, which had called the referendum to win people's approval for a plan to switch to presidential elections by popular vote rather than by parliament, had to be crushed to see voter turnout fall three percentage points short of the 33 percent required for the referendum to be valid. How ironic that in a referendum designed to give power to the people to elect their leader that the people respond by saying, “Nah, we’re good, don’t really have time to get out and vote. The result was a humiliating blow for Alliance leaders and a triumph for the opposition Communists, who were ousted in July 2009 and called for people to boycott Sunday's poll. Nice to know that the voice of the Commies still prevails somewhere……..

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