- Know what the best job in the world has to be? Publicist for North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il , that’s what. Sure, you work for a fascist dictator who could have you executed or shipped off to a remote prison and confined to a 4x6 room for the rest of your life on a whim, but let’s look at the positives. First and foremost, you know what you need to do: agree with everything my man K.J. Il says. Secondly, you are in no way, shape or form bound by the truth or reality. See, normal public relations professionals can stretch, massage and bend the truth, but in the end they must have at least a tangential relationship with it. On the flip side, the public relations officials for Kim Jong Il spend their days absolutely fabricating ludicrous stories that are obviously false. It’s like being a writer for a Hollywood studio except far less realistic and sensical. We’ve been subjected to some pretty big K.J. Il whoppers over the years, including the tall tale that rainbows appeared over sacred Mount Paekdu where he was born and the one claiming that he once scored 11 holes-in-one in a single round of golf. Those two are absurd enough that topping them would be difficult, but don’t count out the North Korean government and its public relations officials. Now they are claiming that the omnipresent drab blue/gray suit that their leader wears every freaking time he’s seen in public has enraptured the fashion senses of the world and become a global fashion icon and staple. "The reason is that the august image of the Great General, who is always wearing the modest suit while working, leaves a deep impression on people's mind in the world," read an article in the communist party newspaper Rodong Sinmun. “To sum it up, that is because his image as a great man is so outstanding." The article also contained a fabricated quote from a supposedly world-famous international fashion expert saying world fashion follows Kim Jong-Il's style. "Kim Jong-Il mode which is now spreading expeditiously worldwide is something unprecedented in the world's history," the stylist was quoted as saying. Now, if I can stop laughing long enough…..hang on, still laughing hysterically…..okay, as I was saying, if I can stop laughing long enough, I’ll continue. How anyone is supposed to believe that the world is aflutter over an overall-style zipped-up tunic and matching trousers in khaki or blueish-grey? Within North Korea, the populace might be so abjectly terrified of their dictator and his maniacal ways that they claim to love whatever he wears, but if a single person elsewhere in the world feels the same way, I will be stunned beyond belief…………
- Do I sense a double standard here? Tiger Woods cheats with a freaking chorus line of skanks, tramps and hookers and he still has his gig and spot as one of the most popular athletes on the planet but Jesse James cheats on wife Sandra Bullock with one freaky tattoo model and he’s the most evil guy ever? Not only has his marriage gone down the crapper, but his affair has also apparently cost James his Spike TV series, "Jesse James is a Dead Man. A spokesman for Spike TV confirmed that the series aired its last episode in July 2009 and will not be returning to the network. "A decision was made shortly thereafter to not move forward with a second season," the spokesman said. In the series, James filled the role of death-defying daredevil, participating in physical challenges involving cars, motorcycles, weapons and huge machines. Perhaps the series would have died even without James’ revelation as a ginormous scumbag, but that certainly didn’t help his cause. It lasted a whopping three months on air and if you have a hankering for bad reality TV shows featuring total and utter douche bags, fill episodes can still be seen at Spike.com. Oh, and to be fair, there are rumors floating around the James cheated on Bullock with a total of four women, not just the freaky tattoo model. "There is only one person to blame for this whole situation, and that is me," James said in an apology to Bullock and his family. "It's because of my poor judgment that I deserve everything bad that is coming my way." That’s fine, but you’re still more than a half dozen skanks behind Tiger, bro, so it’s not all bad news……….
- This summer’s World Cup is the revival of the biggest event in soccer (or football, if you live outside the United States). It will be held in South Africa, a country very much in need of the boost, both financially and in terms of its status on the world scene. Concerns have arisen over security, stadium construction and the ability of South Africa to put on a world-class sporting event. However, the one concern I don’t remember hearing before now was selling out all tickets to the tournament. Given that this is the biggest event in soccer and that the world’s biggest soccer-loving nations will all be there, you’d assume that unloading ducats would be the least of the organizers’ concerns. Yet as the start of the tournament nears - just over two months away - FIFA, the sport's governing body, and the South African local organizing committee are begging South Africans to buy the remaining 500,000 tickets that have been made available. There are still seats available for 63 matches, excluding the final, and they will go on sale to the general public April 15. Early projections of up to 450,000 foreign coming to Africa's first World Cup was a tad too optimistic. Many of the available tickets have come from FIFA and its affiliates that have decided not to use them. "This final ticket phase is very important," said FIFA Secretary General Jerome Valcke at a press conference in Soweto. "We will not want to give that picture of empty seats to the world; all will need to be done in these last days." The obvious question is what causes have led to slow ticket sales and the most direct answer is that the global economic downturn has made traveling long distances to the tournament infeasible for fans. It is a 15-hour journey from New York by air and eight hours from Sao Paulo, Brazil, so making the journey is a huge ordeal in and of itself. Knowing that ticket purchases from foreign buyers aren’t coming, World Cup organizing head Danny Jordaan made a desperate plea to his fellow South Africans to buy the remaining tickets. "We have done everything we were asked to do. We have created a [reduced price] category of tickets exclusively for South Africa. We have now implemented over-the-counter sales to make sure the tickets are accessible. The final thing is that South Africans must respond. If you are a good host, you must be there." That’s fine and I’m sure many South Africans would love to buy the tickets, but they are no better off (and worse off in many cases) than people in other countries and cannot afford the expense any more than a guy from Brooklyn or a chick from Tokyo. Whether that changes or not, I don’t know, but don’t be surprised to see plenty of empty seats once the games begin……………
- While there has been (and will undoubtedly continue to be) much heated debate over the recently passed healthcare reform bill, the White House’s healthcare cause of choice on Friday is one that I have a feeling we can all support: fighting childhood obesity. To that end, First Lady Michelle Obama held something of an obesity summit at the White House, meeting task force members on Friday to address the issue of childhood obesity and how to attack the problem. Of course, any good bureaucratic endeavor must begin with the formation of a committee or task force, so this was an obvious step No. 1. The task force will prepare a report that will “serve as a very important road map, with goals, benchmarks, [and] measurable outcomes…” Michelle Obama said. In a nation where two-thirds of the population is catergorized as either obese or overweight, one in three children falls into one of those two categories. It’s a freaking crisis and one that slaps you in the face with its love handles, guts, man boobs and flabby rolls of flesh hanging off of un-toned arms every time you step out into the public world. Improving health among the nation’s youth is a key part of the struggle and the government has looked to confront the issue by implementing programs and enacting measures designed to improve the quality of food choices offered to kids. In February, the White House announced the Healthy Food Financing Initiative, a $400 million-a-year initiative to expand access to fresh, healthy food to all urban and rural communities across the country within seven years. The measure also contained a job component, which is nice at least in theory. That very same month, Mrs. Obama launched her own childhood obesity initiative, “Let’s Move.” Its lofty goal is to end childhood obesity within one generation through practical solutions. As far as task forces go, this one is a freaking behemoth. It has more than 100 members, including senior administration officials, doctors, activists, and other individuals committed to ending childhood obesity. The group didn’t exactly get off to a rousing start, spending most of its time bemoaning the cost of childhood obesity, the lack of playgrounds in neighborhoods around the country and more intellectucal issues such as behavioral economics. After that, it was time for some groupthink activities as task force chairman Melody Barnes broke the members into groups with a brainstorming exercise: "Come up with three to five of the best ideas, the important actions, the task force should recommend to the president." From here, who knows where the committee will go. If it is anything like every other bureaucratic entity associated with any government at any level in this country, the end result will be a really thick report with lots of nice concepts, few of which are ever seriously considered or implemented, which is sad considering the importance of the topic at hand…………
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