Bad news for mis amigos the druggies of the U.S., advice on green-card marriages and vomiting on kids at baseball games

- Dammit, this is not going to help my amigos, the friendly neighborhood coke addicts and stoners of these here United States. I always have my friends’ backs and who is more of a friend to one and all than the druggie sitting on his or her couch, either stoned out of their mind of paranoid to no end because of whatever they are peaking on at the time? Any news that negatively impacts these souls is a problem for me and I have a huge, huge issue with Brazilian police for arresting a suspected Colombian drug kingpin wanted in the U.S. on smuggling and money laundering allegations. According to a police statement, Nestor Caro Chapparro is "one of Colombia's top four drug traffickers." That’s right, a freaking top-four drug trafficker and this guy is out of the game. Those at fault for this terrible interruption of the drug pipeline to the U.S. are numerous, so don’t place all of the blame on Brazilian police. They were merely acting on the orders of Brazil's Supreme Court , which issued a warrant for Chapparro’s arrest. He was arrested Friday at his Rio de Janeiro home, although Brazilian police probably aren’t going to cash in on the $5 million American authorities were offering for Chapparro's capture. The U.S. has also asked for his extradition based on accusations of smuggling more than 5,000 kilograms of cocaine from Brazil to the U.S. in the late 1990s. The U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency also accuses him of money laundering, so clearly this guy is a dual threat and having him off the streets is going to negatively impact the flow of precious illegal narcotics to the average drug user on the street who can’t afford to see the price of his or her dime bag or eight ball skyrocket just because police in some South American nation just had to go and arrest one of the men who was truly prolific in getting those drugs across borders………….

- Oprah Winfrey leaving the world of syndicated daytime talk shows, moving her show to her new OWN network and taking things on the road to exotic locations around the globe isn’t going to hurt Oprah, but it will hurt people like Sue Compton. Sure, Compton is a newly minted millionaire, courtesy of her Pillsbury Bake-Off win. However, the announcement of her victory came live Wednesday morning on "The Oprah Winfrey Show." Compton’s original recipe for Mini Ice Cream Cookie Cups won her the 44th annual contest, but it also got me thinking. Seeing the joy on Sue Compton’s face, I can't help but think that once Oprah is jet-setting around the globe, talking to international figures on their stomping grounds and leaving the little people of the world with big stories - people like Sue Compton - behind. Just listen to Compton talk about her moment in the sun and see if you can’t understand why Oprah heading off to Tibet to powwow with the Dalai Lama would crush her. "Just once and done. For real. It just came together and I'm very lucky,” Compton explained. "The ideas came as a result of trying to combine ingredients I thought would taste good together. I like desserts a lot, and you don't see people getting tired of cookies or ice cream.” But if Oprah is racking up frequent flier miles and rubbing elbows with the world’s elite, is she going to have time for people like poor Sue Compton in the same supply she had had it for the past 25 years? Obviously not. In a world without Oprah on syndicated TV and tied to a studio in Chicago, Compton would still be some anonymous lady from Delanco, New Jersey, with a penchant for cooking up tasty desserts. Her delicious recipe for Mini Ice Cream Cookie Cups, containing Pillsbury Ready to Bake refrigerated sugar cookies, Fisher Chef's Naturals walnuts, Hershey's semisweet chocolate baking chips and Smucker's Seedless Red Raspberry Jam would not have gotten national TV exposure and instead, Oprah may have been off chillaxin’ with Nelson Mandela in South Africa. Hope you don’t mind ripping the joy and time in the spotlight of these ordinary folks, Oprah……………

- Why do fathers take their kids to baseball games? The reasons may vary from a chance to spend quality time together to teaching the kids a lesson about sportsmanship, competition and fair play, but I feel fairly confident in saying that never in the history of the world has a dad taken a son or daughter to a game in the hopes that some drunken idiot would upchuck on both of them. Meet Michael Vangelo, an off-duty Easton (Pa.) police officer who took his 11-year-old daughter to Wednesday night's Phillies-Nationals game in Philadelphia. It appeared to be a recipe for a great night out as the defending National League champions were facing one of the worst teams in baseball and had a great chance to win and send the Vangelo’s home happy. Their night was going fine right up to the point they had the misfortune of finding themselves in the immediate vicinity of Matthew Clemmens, of Cherry Hill, N.J. Clemmens was in a foul mood because a friend he came to the game with had been kicked out for unruly behavior. Doing what any good drunk would do, he decided to let security know how he felt……by forcing himself to vomit all over Vangelo and his daughter. Police say Clemmens made himself vomit on the two by putting his fingers down his throat and allowing nature to do the rest, Philadelphia police say Clemmens also punched Vangelo and vomited on an arresting officer. Quite the act, to be sure. Hopefully that sick display was worth it because Clemmens is now in custody on charges including assault and harassment and bail is $12,000. How a person gets from the point of going to a game looming to have a good time to intentionally throwing up on a little girl, her dad and a police officer, I don’t know. I’ve been around drunk people and they do some stupid sh*t, but I don’t ever remember anyone purposely hurling on an innocent kid. Drunk people throw up a lot, but usually they are looking for a potted plant to do it in or a balcony the spew chunks off. Banning this tool from Phillies game for the rest of his life would be an excellent starting point for Clemmens’ punishment and complemented by a nice stretch of jail time, I can at least see a positive direction for this situation moving forward…………

- Always, always read the fine print. If you don’t, you could wind up with some stupid video game maker owning the rights to your eternal soul. That’s the lesson learned by thousands of online shoppers who found themselves on the short end of an unusual predicament thanks to entertainment firm GameStation. The company added the "immortal soul clause" to the contract signed before making any online purchases from its site earlier this month and the clause states that customers grant the company the right to claim their soul. "By placing an order via this Web site on the first day of the fourth month of the year 2010 Anno Domini, you agree to grant Us a non transferable option to claim, for now and for ever more, your immortal soul. Should We wish to exercise this option, you agree to surrender your immortal soul, and any claim you may have on it, within 5 (five) working days of receiving written notification from gamesation.co.uk or one of its duly authorized minions," the clause reads. GameStation's form also points out that "we reserve the right to serve such notice in 6 (six) foot high letters of fire, however we can accept no liability for any loss or damage caused by such an act. If you a) do not believe you have an immortal soul, b) have already given it to another party, or c) do not wish to grant Us such a license, please click the link below to nullify this sub-clause and proceed with your transaction." Not surprisingly, this ridiculous ploy was initially posted on April Fool's Day as a prank. Like all other April Fool’s pranks (as I covered in detail in this very space before and on April 1), this one sucks by definition. But according to Game Station, the clause was added to prove a point: No one reads the online terms and conditions of anything they do, buy or sign up for and companies are free to insert whatever language they want and could put users in a very real bind if they so chose. Despite being given a very simple way to opt out of handing their eternal soul over to a video game company with no actual way to collect on that deal, very few did so even though checking the box to opt out would have rewarded them with a $5 voucher. Although it did not cite any actual evidence, GameStation claims believes as many as 88 percent of people do not read the terms and conditions of a Web site before they make a purchase. It also plans to e-mail customers nullifying any claim on their soul, which I’m sure will put them at ease. In the future, let’s all agree to stop pulling stupid April Fool’s pranks like this and the world will be a better place for it…………

- Sham green-card marriages are hilarious. People who have no legal basis to enter a country entering into holy matrimony and making a total mockery of both the marriage and immigration process just makes me laugh in a sad-yet-amused way. When those involved in a green-card marriage are famous (at least in their home country), the situation becomes even more hilarious. Mexican actress Fernanda Romero and her American husband face charges of entering a sham marriage and they were ratted out, in a piece of poetic justice, by a scorned former boyfriend of Romero’s. Fashion photographer Markus Klinko, the jilted lover in question, called the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency. He tipped the feds off to the bogus marriage and now Romero, a well-known Mexican soap opera sta,r and her American husband face federal charges of entering a fraudulent marriage so she could gain legal residency in the United States. "This actor should have realized that posing as a bride for immigration purposes could land her a role in a real-life crime drama," Special Agent Miguel Unzueta said. Bah-dum-chee! Cue the rime shot because agent Unzueta is on a roll. By the way, agent Unzueta, you do realize that this isn’t actually CSI or NCIS, right? You don’t deliver a clever zinger as the camera zooms in for a close-up and a classic track from The Who fades gently in as the opening credits roll. Romero, who appeared in at least 15 television shows and films in Mexico since 2005, allegedly she paid Kent Ross, a pizza delivery man and musician, to marry her. Gee, hard to see why anyone would be suspicious of that. A beautiful actress marries some loser musician who works as a pizza delivery guy to fuel his going-nowhere-anytime-soon music career. Romero appeared before a U.S. magistrate on Friday and was released on a $50,000 signature bond with orders to surrender her passport and not to leave Southern California. She will be monitored electronically while free and could get between 15 and 21 months in prison if convicted. The case is abnormal because marriage fraud charges are usually litigated by immigration authorities rather than prosecuted as criminal cases, but perhaps the feds are looking to make a point with someone who is at least slightly famous in another country. According to the federal complaint filed Thursday, Romero paid Ross to "marry" her on June 12, 2005, but they never lived together as a couple. So what? A lot of married couples pay one another to wed and then never share a residence, c’mon! And just because Romero began dating Klinko a month after her marriage and lived with him for a few months instead of with her husband, that doesn’t mean anything. Having said that, if a person was theoretically going to do a green-card marriage, it would be a good idea not to date outside of that marriage or at least to keep the marriage hidden from the person you date. That way, if you break up with that person you are dating, they can’t come back and burn you by ratting you out to the feds. Also named in the complaint is Michael Ball, founder of the Rock & Republic jeans company. The feds allege that he helped arrange the sham marriage while Romero was modeling for his company. Hmm, if I didn’t know better, I’d think he did that to help his company score a beautiful model to work for them and to have her under his thumb in case he felt like she was being disloyal or wanted to pay her less than market value for her modeling efforts……….