- It was “Welcome back, Sawyer” night on Lost. No, there was no official party, but when one of the show’s primary characters is given no screen time for a solid month of episodes, his return warrants some celebration. The hour kicked off with Sawyer and Jin in jungle, waiting for faux Locke to return from his visit to the temple. Sure enough, faux Locke waltzes out of the jungle with his posse that now includes Kate, Claire and Sayid. Off island, Sawyer is sleeping in motel room with an unidentified woman (Jodi Lynn O’Keefe) after a night together and he gets up to go to a meeting. As we’ve seen him do in flashbacks from previous seasons during his time as a con man, he briefcase flies open and stacks of money come falling out. The woman immedaitely calls him out for being a con man and trying to take her in what is known as a pigeon drop. She pulls a gun on him, but he says he’s a cop who is actually trying to set up her husband and she was supposed to take the briefcase back to him so the police could find him. When the woman seems ready to put a bullet in his chest, Sawyer says he only has to say the magic word and a dozen cops will come crashing in. She doesn’t believe him, but when he says, “LaFleur,” (his name when he returned to the island and found himself in the Dharma Initiative circa 1974), the door is kicked in and a S.W.A.T. team rushes in. Leading the team is none other than Miles, who is Sawyer’s partner on the force and tosses him his badge. Back at the precinct, Sawyer is working the phones hard on some sort of case, looking for a man named Anthony Cooper, but when Miles asks what it’s about, Sawyer, who is going by his real name, James Ford, in this version of reality, hedges and won't answer. He also fumbles when asked about his recent trip to Palm Springs and caught completely off guard when Miles informs him that he has set him up with one of his friends on a blind date for that night. Back on the island, faux Locke promises to answer all the group’s questions but says they must walk for now while it’s still light out. As they near the end of their march, he informs them that they are almost to a clearing where they will spend the next couple of days. An angry Sawyer asks why they need to be there for two days and faux Locke pulls him aside for a chat. In the chat, faux Locke admits to being the Black Smoke Monster and killing all of the people at the temple, but claims it was because they didn’t heed his warning to leave and thought they are protecting island from him when all he wants to do is leave it. Faux Locke then sends Sawyer off on a recon mission to Hydra Island to observe the Ajira 316 passengers who remained there after the crash landing that brought the Oceanic Six back to the island. Furthermore, faux Locke says they will fly off island in the Ajira plane. Back off the island in Oceanic-land, Sawyer shows up for his blind date and finds out that girl he’s set up with is Charlotte, who in the shoe’s alternate version of reality was a member of the team Charles Widmore sent to the island two seasons ago. The date goes well, so well that they end up sleeping together. However, things go horribly wrong afterwarf when Charlotte wants to borrow a t-shirt to wear and in looking through the drawer, finds a binder labeled “Sawyer.” Inside, she sees the news clippings and pictures of Sawyer/Ford as a boy with his parents. He comes back into the room, sees her looking at the very personal folder and flies into a rage. He throws her out, abruptly ending the date. Back on the island, Kate sits down to talk to Sayid. He is eerily distant and detached and when she asks if he believes faux Locke, he says yes. However, he then says no when asked if he is okay. Their chat is interrupted when Claire attacks Kate from behind with knife for taking Aaron, Claire’s son, off the island. Faux Locke pulls her off, slaps her and informs Claire that her actions not appropriate. Kate is badly rattled, but while she fumes, Sawyer is off on Hydra, where he finds the Ajira plane. Beside the plane is a fire that is still warm and not far from the plane, the stench of death smacks Sawyer in the face. He walks up a hill to find heap of dead, decomposing bodies. A lone survivor takes off running and he pursues her. Off the island, Charlie Pace’s (Oceanic 815 passenger Charlie) brother shows up at the police station looking for his brother (who was arrested for drug possession aboard flight 815). Sawyer blows him off but Miles pulls him into the police locker room and confronts him about going to Australia when he said his trip was to Palm Springs. We find out that it is just two days after Oceanic 815 landed in Los Angeles. Miles tersely informs Sawyer that they are no longer partners and in response, Sawyer punches and breaks a mirror. On the island, faux Locke talks to Kate, apologizes for Claire and promises to keep Kate safe. He also agrees to show her where Sawyer went. As for Sawyer, he catches up to the fleeing Ajira 316 survivor, who says her name is Zoe. She explains how she came to island, how her fellow passengers died (she was out gathering fire wood and didn’t see anything) and asks to go back with Sawyer. As they walk back to the boat he paddled to the island, Zoe asks how he came to island, how many people are with him and if they have guns. He sniffs out her lies, pulls a gun on her and soon finds himself outgunned and outnumbered when she calls out to friends in bushes. They all have guns and Sawyer sets his own weapon down and sarcastically remarks, “Take me to your leader.” Off island, Sawyer comes home from work, watches an old Michael Landon show on TV and chows down on a TV dinner with a side of beer. Later, he goes to apologize to Charlotte, but she wants nothing to do with him. Flipping back to the island, Kate and faux Locke sit on the beach and talk. He tells her about his crazy mother and how he once used to be a normal person with a mother just like everyone else, before he “came to look like this,” this meaning some sort of non-human entity inside someone else’s body. He explains that this is relevant because now Aaron has a crazy mother too. Over on Hydra Island, Sawyer is walked through the jungle and to the dock, where he is led aboard the submarine that Charles Widmore and his crew piloted to the island at the end of last week’s episode. He is led inside to meet Widmore, but before getting there, Sawyer tugs on the lone locked door in the sub and asks what’s inside. Zoe refuses to tell him and ushers Sawyer to Widmore’s small office. There, he offers to sell faux Locke out in exchange for the safety of the others in his new group and safe passage off the island. He and Widmore strike a deal even though it is clear neither of them trusts the other. Off island Sawyer, pulls up in front of the police station to meet Miles and inside the car, he spills his Sawyer secret to Miles. He shares the story of the con man who caused his father to shoot his mother and then himself and vows to kill the man named Sawyer when he finds him, thus his trip to Australia. Before he can say any more, a car rear ends them and the driver immediately flees on foot as the police give chase. Sawyer/Ford drives after the suspects in pursuit, then jumps out and tackles the individual at the end of an alley. It turns out to be Kate, who is clearly still fleeing from the authorities after escaping the custody of her bounty hunter at the airport. Sawyer recognizes her from their encounter in the airport elevator at LAX. Back on the island, Sawyer returns from his recon mission and tells the truth to faux Locke about Widmore, his team setting up pylons to keep the Black Smoke Monster out and his own offer to sell faux Locke out and lead him into Widmore’s trap. Sawyer then walks off to find Kate, who is cooking something that looks like rabbit over the fire. She asks why he’s running errands for faux Locke and he quips that he’s no one’s errand boy. In actuality, he plans to allow faux Locke and Widmore to fight it out and while they are focused on one another, steal Widmore’s sub and leave the island. “Freckles, we’re gettin’ off of this damn island,” he remarks as the episode comes to an end. Oh, and I almost forgot, key characters totally excluded from this episode: Jack, Hurley, Jin, Sun, Ilana, Ben, Lapidus and Jacob. That’s all for now…………
- Toyota seems to have an insurmountable lead when it comes to recalling cars and causing potentially lethal problems for drivers with its various Car Parts of Death, but let no one say that Honda isn’t making a valiant attempt to keep the race close. Honda announced Tuesday it is recalling more than 400,000 vehicles in the United States after consumers complained of brake pedals feeling "soft." The recall includes 344,000 Odyssey minivans and 68,000 Element crossover vehicles in the 2007-2008 model years. Unlike Toyota, Honda actually has a clue what sort of repair is needed and customers who take their vehicles in for repairs will have their vehicle stability assist modulators worked on. The fault lies in the assembly of the modulators, some of which were put together in a way that could allow air to enter, Honda said in a release. In turn, the trapped air could cause the brake pedal to fall closer to the floor before the car stops, leaving drivers unable to use the brake pedal to, um, actually brake. Worse still, in affected vehicles, the problem tends to worsen over time. Although not all vehicles in the recall are likely to have the problem, Honda is still going to fix them all to cover its own rear. Affected cars will be recalled starting at the end of April
- It’s Important Scientific Discovery Time, when I share with all of you exciting news in the world of science that may have no direct bearing on your life but are still exciting for reasons that may be clear only to the scientific community. Our latest discovery comes from the dark expanse located some six hundred feet below the Antarctic ice, where no light can be found. No light? No problem for NASA, whose scientists discovered a swimming shrimp-like creature that could drastically alter the idea of where and how forms of life can survive. Although the creature is a mere three inches long, its impact on the scientific community could be inversely proportionate to its size. Its mere presence in such a dark, remote location could signal that life is able to survive in a much wider range of climates and settings than previously thought. The NASA team that found the shrimp-like thingy was actually lowering a small video camera to get the first-ever photograph of the underside of an ice shelf. That’s when they saw the shrimp-like creature swimming in the water, according to a NASA document. "We were operating on the presumption that nothing's there," NASA ice scientist Robert Bindschadler explained. "It was a shrimp you'd enjoy having on your plate. We were just gaga over it.” Officially, the creature is a Lyssianasid amphipod. Its discovery could lead to larger expeditions into harsher environments that scientists previously believed could not support life – both on the Earth and on frozen moons in space. In other words, a bunch of people are going to be sent to very remote locations where they will find absolutely nothing and waste their time, all because a three-inch Lyssianasid amphipod was found six hundred feet below the Antarctic ice. Oh, and I forgot to mention that with the Obama administration cutting funding for space exploration, NASA would have to do all of this without the funding it has come to rely on. Best of success with that, space dorks…………
- Every now and then, an infomercial project is just horrible and offensive enough to catch my attention and send me into a rage. Most of these inane products are flat-out dumb, but they are dumb in an uninteresting way and not atrocious enough to merit a full-on rant. This week I caught an ad for a project truly ridiculous enough to justify such a rant: the Slim-T. To put it bluntly, the Slim-T is a mirdle - a male girdle. It is in the shape of a t-shirt but billed as something to help FAT, lazy men not look like the FAT, lazy men they are. The product’s ad and Web site bill it as a product that: Reshapes Instantly/Helps you Look Firmer, Younger Well Toned and Inches Slimmer, all with: No Diets, Exercise, Pills, Gym Memberships or Surgery, all courtesy of: Special Spandex-Blend Fibers in a garment that: is Un-Noticeable, is Not Constricting, Won’t Raise Body Temperature and Fits Under Any Other Garments. All of that taken directly from www.tryslimts.com, where for a mere $29.95 plus $9.95 shipping and handling, you can purchase a three-pack of mirdles. So why, you ask, does this so upset me? Because of seven simple words: GET OFF YOUR FAT ASS. GO EXERCISE. Here’s the great thing for all of the FAT men out there: It costs nothing to go out and walk or run. You can do push-ups and sit-ups also for free and for a very low price you can buy a used bike that can also be ridden free of charge. Exercise doesn’t have to cost anything and taking the easy, lazy way out is what put you 50 pounds over your ideal weight in the first place. Stop looking for the path of least resistance, stop being a lazy piece of crap and for the love of God, do not wear a mirdle to hide your gut, man boobs or love handles. No matter what the makers of this product promise, you can bet that justice will prevail and people will find out. When they do, you will be (rightly) mocked mercilessly, much more than you would have been had you simply gone out as your normal FAT self, sans mirdle. Take my advice, take advantage of the free phenomenon known as exercise and your life will be better for it…………
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