- Request denied. You know if you have read this space the past few months that among the many problems I have had with this season of 24, the preeminent one has been the lame, unnecessary and terrible story line involving Katee Sackhoff’s CTU analyst/mole character, Dana Walsh. The idea of her redneck ex-boyfriend/partner in crime showing up in New York in the midst of a national security crisis and blackmailing her into helping he and a scumbag buddy of his commit crimes to earn fast money has dragged the entire show down and made large chunks of it utterly un-watchable. Yet executive producer Howard Gordon is not only trying to defend the indefensible, he actually wants us to silence our valid criticisms and give the show’s producers and writers another chance as the series winds toward its finale. “God almighty there has been a Dana backlash,” Gordon lamented, adding that “thrillers have a finite number of tropes. It’s like saying, ‘Another murder on CSI? Are you kidding?!’ Moles and betrayals are the stock-in-trade of the show. I understand how it appears [to be] tiresome and lazy storytelling, but I really would betray anyone to try to sit in our chair and figure out how to do 24 continuous, real-time episodes, without using certain devices,” the exec continues. I would implore people to be more patient with Dana.” No and no, Howie. See, our problem is not with Dana ending up as a mole. The problem has been you wasting a third of every episode with a lame, weak story line that has a new character, Dana Walsh, that we neither know nor care about because she has no history on the show, engaging in inane, moronic activities like helping two rednecks rob an NYPD storage locker. This story line has received more backlash than any I can ever remember seeing on 24 and with good reason. It’s poorly conceived, poorly written and to cap it off, poorly executed. The fact that it comes in the show’s final season and will be one of the last memories the series leave with fans only makes it worse. Thanks for nothing, Howie, so consider your request denied.………….
- There are a few things in this world that we all need to be more careful with when handling them. Bombs would be the foremost example, along with glass items, the fragile egos of needy Hollywood celebrities and anyone over the age of 90. Also on that list would be large concentrations of ammonia gas, much like the ammonia gas contained in two rail cars on a train that derailed at the Port of Tampa at Shoreline and Maritime Blvds on Wednesday morning. The rail cars went off track and although fire officials say there are no leaks at this time, that doesn’t mean everything will remain safe. Sure, dozens of rescue workers and Tampa Fire Rescue crews quickly responded to the scene, but how did this even happen in the first place? The fact that those two cars even came off the tracks at all is a problem. Don’t believe me? Just ask Tampa Fire Captain Bill Wade his take on the situation "An ammonia leak would be one of those bad things we don't want to see,” Wade stated. Why is that? Well, because anhydrous ammonia is a severe skin irritant and can cause serious injuries. Couple that with the fact that each car holds about 30,000 gallons of the product and could create a leaking ammonia cloud that could easily drift into downtown Tampa and well, you can see where I’m going with this. With the scores of hazardous chemicals regularly shipped into the Port of Tampa and you can see where this problem could potentially, to use a bad pun, come off the tracks. Let’s step your game up, rail companies carrying hazardous chemicals in and around the Tampa area. Chemical threats against this country should be coming from external terrorist groups, not inept doofuses who don’t know how to properly transport those chemicals…………
- Time for a “World Powers Gang Up on Iran” party! Wahoooooo! We haven’t had one of these über-fun parties in too long and I was beginning to forget how great they could be. Because let’s face it: If mutual hatred toward and outrage against those tyrannical, fascist kooks in Iran can't bring us all together, then nothing can. So it is with great joy and happiness that I bring to you news that six major world powers have agreed to begin scheming up proposed new sanctions against Iran over its burgeoning nuclear program. The last holdout had been China, but the Communists came around and now all six nations can get back to concocting plans to sanction the daylights out of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Co. I suppose that one fascist nation is loathe to punish another, so it makes sense that the Chinese held out this long. But today, they relented and signaled their willingness to consider a U.N. Security Council sanctions resolution. This greatly improves the chances for passing a resolution aimed at increasing economic and diplomatic pressure on Iran to rein in its nuclear ambitions. Tehran continues to insist that is only wants to develop nuclear power for peaceful purposes, which is as believable as me waking up tomorrow and hearing someone claim that Paulie Shore is a leading contender for next year’s Oscar for best actor. Perhaps having the Chinese on board is already making an impact, as Iran's state media reported Wednesday that the country's top nuclear negotiator will travel to Beijing to discuss possible U.N. sanctions. Saeed Jalili will meet Thursday with senior Chinese officials "concerning the nuclear program." In the end, I don’t expect the talks to lead anywhere because Iran isn’t giving up its nuclear program for anyone and whether Ahmadinejad wants to admit it or not, he very much wants the capability to bomb Israel right off the map. The five permanent members of the Security Council can do and say whatever they want and cite the newfound support they have from China, but Iran is like Brett Favre in that a) everyone either publicly or secretly despises them and wishes they would go away and leave us alone and b) they are going to do what they want, when they want and the rest of us be damned.
- At this point, the New Jersey Nets are dead to me. They threw away their chance at history by inexplicably winning three of their four games over the past week, pushing them to 10 wins and eliminating them from contention to be the worst NBA team of all-time. The 1972-73 Philadelphia 76ers will keep that distinction with their 9-73 record and I will forever hate the Nets and everyone associated with the franchise for ruining my dream. With the team being dead to me, I seriously debated just blowing right past this next story and moving on. However, I have written about it before and as such, I felt the need to bring a certain degree of closure to it. Back when the Nets had only seven wins and still had their shot at history (historical ineptitude) intact, Nets chief executive Brett Yormark got into an angry confrontation with Nets fan Chris Lisi, who wore a paper bag to a home game against Miami to show his disgust for the team’s lackluster performance this season. Yormark saw the bag-headed Lisi, doubled back and began screaming him down. That led to scores of scathing columns and rants against Yormark and with good reason. A person in his position cannot publicly be screaming down the paying customers, not when the paying customer is right on the money with his criticisms. So of course Yormark did what anyone in his position has to do: make a big, public apology and effort to mend fences. He did so by sitting down for a 30-minute "brown bag" lunch on Tuesday with Chris Lisi, Lisi’s brother Rob and two members of the Nets' radio broadcasting team. McDonald’s seized on the promotional opportunity by providing the five men with hamburgers, fries and salads and brown bags. "Today was another good example of us being able to tell our fans, 'Hey, when you want a voice, you'll get one with us,'" Yormark said. "That's who we are, the type of franchise we are and we want to be. I think resorting to a brown bag doesn't do anyone any good and they realize that, and they were very nice and had good things to say about the franchise." Wrong again, CEO Yormark. Clearly, putting a paper bag on one’s head at a game does a lot of good. Whether I like it or not (and I don’t), the Nets have won three of four games since Lisi’s display and he’s drawn a whole lot of attention to the sucky job you and the rest of the team’s front office has done in assembling this team. He’s made you look like a sucker who got hooked by some random fan and he’s gotten a lot of publicity and a free lunch out of it. So I’d say Lisi’s display did a lot of good and his presence made the lunch so popular that when it was streamed over the Nets' Web site, the broadcast shut down because so many people logged on. Yormark also spoke with the Lisi brothers after the lunch and invited them to attend another game. "I think, in many respects, a lot of good things have come out of this," Yormark said. "We were able to reinforce our message to season ticket-holders. We don't have any more brown bags in the building, not that we had a lot to begin with before that incident -- our players seemed to rally around it and we are playing our best basketball of the season. "I don't know if it was a negative.” Attaboy, Yormark. You get out and spin this like you actually believe what you’re saying. No one else does, but keep convincing yourself! Plus, the Nets used the incident as a promotional gimmick by offering any fan who put a paper bag on his head during a recent game against the Sacramento Kings a nylon Nets bag containing a poster, a pack of player trading cards and a printed note from Yormark that said: "Thanks for letting us see your face. We hope to see it more often at Nets' games." Two people accepted the offer, which is actually quite pathetic. So I have done my part, I have seen this story through and I will now commence ignoring the Nets from here on out because they have dashed my dreams and I will never forgive them…………
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