Thursday, February 25, 2010

The U.S. Navy gets with the times a bit, I defend my pal Caron Butler's right to chew straws and Google goes color-coded

- The housing market is bleak for everyone right now, even fictional families of hunky vampires. Yes. the house in Vancouver, British Columbia that home to the Cullen clan in Twilight: New Moon is on the market. Better still, it has been on the market so long at its original asking price that the owner is slashing that price tag and you can now own this piece of cinematic history for a mere $2,998,000. Right, because $3 million even would have been just excessive. That $2,000 under the $3-mill mark makes all the difference in the world. In the movie, the Cullen family eschews the typical vampire dwelling places of coffins and creaky old castles and lives in the most luxurious house in town. The estate used in the movie is located in western Vancouver and it is being sold by real estate agent Jason Soprovich. Soprovich scored this primo gig and he is listing the five-bedroom, four-bath home for the current owner. Why is this local looking to sell? According to Soprovich, this individual is “looking for a change of pace.” Allow me to decode that for you from real estate-ese: Too many no-life-having, pathetic, gawky Twilight losers, er, um, fans, are prowling around, trying to snap pictures and catch of glimpse of the place the dreamy Edward Cullen called home in a FICTIONAL MOVIE THAT HAS ABSOLUTELY NO TIES TO REALITY WHATSOEVER. But I suppose that’s the price you pay when you agree to allow a movie to use your property, even if they do compensate you handsomely for the privilege to do so. Should you have $3 million lying around and aren’t smart enough to use it to purchase a property somewhere warm and tropical, this could be just the investment for you…………

- While the fate of “Don’t ask, don’t tell” is still uncertain, the United States Navy is prepared to change another long-standing policy and make itself much more inclusive on a daily basis. Last week, Secretary of Defense Robert Gates notified Congress of plans to allow women to serve aboard submarines. If you aren’t very familiar with the U.S. Navy and its operations, it may surprise you to learn that at present, women are not allowed on submarines. Heck, I’m stunned that N.O.W. and other femi-Nazi groups aren’t picketing this policy on a daily basis outside the Pentagon. But the fact is that although women joined the crews of the Navy's surface ships in 1993, that decision did not apply to submarines. Naval officials cited limited privacy and the cost of reconfiguring the vessels as the arguments against including women on the crews of subs. Somewhere along the way, that line of thinking took a different turn and in September, Chief of Naval Operations Adm. Gary Roughead (sounds like a porn name, no?) said he was "very comfortable addressing integrating women into the submarine force." Asked again about the issue of accommodating the ladies on submarines, he seemed cautiously optimistic. "Accommodations are a factor, but not insurmountable," he said. As is its custom, Congress has requested briefings on the matter. Right, because what would any bureaucratic decision be without lots and lots of meetings and red tape? In response to that request, the Navy sent letters of intent to Congress Monday. However, there will be no vote on the matter in Congress. The official recommendation for the change came from Adm. Roughead (bow-chicka-bow-bow), the secretary of the Navy and Gates. A source close to the situation said that there was no opposition to the move among Navy leaders. The implementation of the decision would then be done in phases, with officers -- who already have separate living quarters -- the first to go co-ed, followed by crews, with the women bunking together, the source said. Prior to that final step, crew space would have to be. As for the submarines that would host the first female crew members, at least initially they would be the larger ones -- nuclear-power, missile-carrying submarines known as SSBN and SSGN. I have to say, I support this decision fully. Women should be allowed to take the same risks and serve their country in the exact same way that their male counterparts do. In other words, it’s about freakin’ time……………


- Fans of ESPN’s popular "Pardon The Interruption" sports talk show will be without one of the show’s co-hosts for the next couple weeks after the network suspended Tony Kornheiser for two weeks following comments he made on his Washington-based radio show last week. Not to reiterate Kornheiser’s stupid remarks, but he made critical comments about the wardrobe of morning "SportsCenter" co-anchor Hannah Storm. Being the oversensitive corporate entity it is, ESPN of course had to overreact. ESPN executive vice president of content John Skipper released a statement regarding the decision: "Tony Kornheiser's comments about Hannah Storm were entirely inappropriate. Hurtful and personal comments such as these are not acceptable and have significant consequences. Tony has been suspended from PTI for two weeks. Hannah is a respected colleague who has been an integral part of the success of our morning SportsCenter." Yeah, not so much. Don’t get me wrong, Hannah Storm is good at her job and all, but she is definitely not an integral part of the success of “SportsCenter.” She hasn’t been with ESPN all that long and “SportsCenter” was a massive success long before she arrived. In response to the backlash and ESPN’s decision to suspend him, Kornheiser apologized for the remarks on his radio show Friday. The two-week ban is a bit excessive, but at least Kornheiser didn’t receive the same treatment that former NBA player and ESPN contributor Paul Shirley suffered after he made an offensive post about the post-earthquake relief efforts in Haiti on a blog he writes for that has no ties to ESPN whatsoever. Shirley, only a part-time contributor to ESPN.com at the time of his infraction, was dismissed almost immediately. Welcome to the Worldwide Leader in Sports, where we can have a sense of humor about things……as long as no one is making fun of us and everyone toes the same corporate line…………


- I’ll say this once and I had better not have to repeat it to the NBA and any of the Association’s teams that forward Caron Butler plays for in the future: Freaking leave Caron Butler alone or you’re going to have a brawl on your hands and that brawl is going to be with me. I say this after the NBA forced Butler to cease and desist his in-game habit of chewing straws on the sidelines. Yes, the NBA has a policy against players chewing on plastic straws during games. NBA executive vice president Stu Jackson phoned Butler on Tuesday and told him that his straws were no longer permitted on the bench. The issue came up after Butler was traded to the Dallas Mavericks as part of a seven-player trade that sent he, center Brendan Haywood and guard DeShawn Stevenson from Washington to Dallas. His new teammates noticed his chewing habit immediately and the league also took notice, as did the Dallas front office. "It's against the rules," Mavericks owner Mark Cuban said. Honestly, this is possibly the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard of in terms of legalism in professional sports. It’s right up there with the NFL dictating exactly how high players can wear their socks, what they can write on their eye black and what size towels they can tuck into their waistband during games. What’s dumb about this situation in particular is that Butler didn’t just start chomping on plastic straws when he came to Dallas. He has reportedly chewed plastic straws at a rate of 12 per game for years, dating back to high school. He even discussed the habit in a chat on NBA.com in March 2009. "It calmed me down," he said in the chat. "Then it became one of those things you keep doing." In response to the NBA’s idiotic stance on the issue, a local radio sports talk show host encouraged fans to come to Wednesday night's game against the Lakers bearing straws to show their support for Butler. Sadly, Butler did not play against the Lakers due to a reaction to medication, so the protest didn’t have as much impact. This all comes on the heels of a battle between Butler and his previous team, Washington, over his Mountain Dew habit. Seems that Butler would down a 2-liter of the Dew before games or even a 1-liter bottle at halftime and also chug it before practice. Eventually, the Wizards came down on the practice and demanded that he stop. In summer 2009, Butler blogged on NBA.com that he had lost 11 pounds just by defeating his "addiction" of drinking at least six 12-ounce bottles of Dew a day. "I was going through withdrawals," Butler wrote on NBA.com. "Honestly, those first two weeks without the Dew [were] the roughest two weeks of my life. I'm talking headaches, sweats and everything." Honestly, I’d like to know what The Man’s fascination with persecuting Butler is. He doesn’t shoot guns into the air outside strip clubs, he doesn’t bring guns into the locker room, he’s not getting arrested for domestic violence, he’s not (that we know of) a major stoner and all he wants to do is drink Dew, chew straws and ball. Why can't the league and his teams leave him alone and let him do those things…………


- Great. Not only does our country’s terror alert system run on an infuriating and hard-to-remember color code (what level of danger does turquoise indicate again?), but now Google’s Gmail service will do the same. Apparently so, based on a new Gmail layout that the company unveiled this week. In Gmail, red boxes indicate e-mails sent from friends, bright green labels are attached to messages from e-mail lists, notes from family members in gold and gray messages are bills. The system of color-coded messages is intended to save users time and organize their emails more efficiently, but to me, it just sounds confusing. Rather than learn a color code, how’s about you just look at the damn email and decide if it’s important or not. How is seeing a color any easier than seeing who a message is from and having the wherewithal to decide if it is important? Until Wednesday, the color system was classified by Google as a beta-stage feature in Gmail Labs. Gmail Labs is the location the company refers to as "a testing ground for experimental features that aren't quite ready for prime time." But now it appears they were just short-selling the color system because it was clearly closer to being ready for use than Google let on. Along with five other new features, the color system has become a full-time part of Gmail. Additionally, Google also held "funerals" Wednesday for five Gmail Labs features that were unpopular with e-mail users: muzzle, which hid away messages from online friends; fixed width font; e-mail addict, which let users force themselves to take a break; location in signature; and random signature. Ah…..how very clever of you, Google. I’m laughing my ass off……or I would be if it were at all funny or amusing. While ditching those five functions, Google will keep the following Gmail functions: search autocomplete; forgotten attachment detector; YouTube previews; custom label colors; and vacation dates, which sets up away-from-e-mail messages to coincide with trips. In adding the color system and ditching unpopular features, Google is seeking to keep up with its espoused philosophy of developing products that people enjoy using, getting those products out to the public as soon as possible, and allowing consumers to think it's OK for things to malfunction during the learning process. "At Google, in general, the philosophy is to get things out quickly in front of our users and not make huge promises," said Ari Leichtberg, a Google engineer who has developed multiple Gmail Labs products. "Gmail was a beta app for a while in itself and that kind of let us as a company not be too afraid about getting something out that may screw up once in a while." Now we’ll see if the color system is as widely ripped as the release of two recent Google products, Buzz and Wave. I’d expect a solid influx of vitriol and unhappiness and if I actually used any of Google’s products other than its search engine, I would probably have further thoughts as well……….

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