Saturday, February 13, 2010

Riot Watch! returns, recapping Smallville and fighting off cougars with ninja swords

- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Yes, it is once again time for another edition of everyone’s favorite overview of social dissidence ‘round the globe. Journey with me to Tehran, Iran, where demonstrators battled with security forces Thursday as Iran marked the 31st anniversary of the Islamic Revolution. The riots took place even as thousands of sycophants packed a Tehran square to hear dictator Mahmoud Ahmadinejad president announce the expansion of Iran's nuclear program. There were hundreds of Pro-government security personnel -- both plainclothes and uniformed – on the streets, both on foot and in armored vehicles. Leading the anti-Ahmadinejad crowd were Mehdi Karrubi, a reformist leader who ran for president in the disputed June presidential elections, and former President Mohammad Khatami. Channeling their inner power abuser, pro-government militia members also beat the wife of opposition leader Mir Hossein Moussavi with batons. They were attempting to prevent opposition leaders and their followers -- the so-called Green Movement -- from reaching Azadi Square (Freedom Square) in central Tehran. Why, you ask? Because that’s where dictator Mahmoud Ahmadinejad delivered an anniversary address boasting about Iran’s “achievement” of enriching its uranium to a level of 20 percent. To defend that speech, government forces unleashed live fire and pepper spray on some demonstrators and members of the Basij, the paramilitary force loyal to Iran's hard-line leadership, also reportedly attacked two different vehicles in which Karrubi rode. "The guards attacked and the crowds came to him. When the crowds started to come, and surrounded him, again the guards attacked with tear gas, tear as well as the batons and different kinds of weapons against the people. And unfortunately my father received very bad gas tears and his face is burned," Mohammad-Taghi Karrubi, the opposition leader’s son, said. Iran's Press TV took was dismissive of the opposition protests, saying "a few hundred supporters" of Moussavi and Karrubi gathered in a western Tehran district. But perhaps my favorite part of the day was oppisition groups alleging that the pro-government demonstration at Ahamdinejad’s speech was a heavily choreographed event wherein government officials distributed cartons of milk, juice boxes, lemonade, and cupcakes in the crowds. As big a sucker as I am for juice boxes and cupcakes, I would definitely not be selling out my political ideologies for them and for anyone who took a free government cupcake with sprinkles and a Hi-C fruit punch juice box in order to show up and support their fascist dictator should be ashamed. But all in all, a solid day of civil obedience and social dissidence, so thumbs up there……………

- Oh, if I could count all the times I’ve had to use ninja swords to fight off some rabid cougar, battling the skank back as she……oh, that’s not the kind of cougar we’re talking about here? My bad. In that case, I don’t know what it must have been like for Marquel Dawson of Fairfield, Calif., as he used a ninja sword to fend off a cougar or mountain lion after it attacked his dog Wednesday afternoon. Dawson was playing with the pit bull/German shepherd mix in a nature area near Fairview Place at about 1:30 p.m. when the mountain wild cat attacked. Thinking quickly, Dawson rushed back home and grabbed the sword out of his family’s garage. Kind of makes you wish your family stashed ninja swords in its garage, no? Dawson then ran back to the park and although his dog was putting up a good fight, the cougar was slowly gaining the upper hand. "I see this big cat," Dawson said. “It was about the size of German shepherd police dog -- like big -- about twice the size of my dog.” Using the sword, he was able to fend the cougar off and his dog only suffered minor injuries in the incident. The family took the dog to the veterinarian, who stated that the animal was lucky to not be injured more seriously by the attack. Authorities aren’t completely sure what species of cat was responsible for the attack, but investigators with the Department of Fish and Game continue to look into the situation. Regardless of the specific species of cat it turns out to be, big ups to my man Marquel Dawson for thinking fast, acting decisively and manning up when danger came his way. I may not like pit bulls and they may be responsible for a lot of bad attacks on humans, but that doesn’t mean I want to see one mauled by an angry cougar for no good reason…………


- Not that I needed to be encouraged to avoid jury duty like the plague, but this latest decision by the Judicial Conference of the United States, the policy-making body of the federal courts, will definitely do the trick. Jury duty is already a major bum-out for twelve fools not smart enough to find a way to avoid it and now those fools will have to go through their service to their community and country without communicating about their case by any means of electronic communication. Yes, judges routinely inform jurors to remain mum and not conduct any research about the case until a verdict or discuss it with anyone outside the jury, but because of the growing popularity of Twitter, Facebook, text messaging, etc., the JCUS felt the need to make it official that electronic communication is included in any such directive. "You may not communicate with anyone about the case on your cellphone, through e-mail, Blackberry, iPhone, text messaging, or on Twitter, through any blog or website, through any internet chat room, or by way of any other social networking websites, including Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn and YouTube." U.S. District Judge Julie Robinson of Kansas, the chair of the Judicial Conference Committee on Court Administration and Case Management wrote in a Jan. 28 memo. Judges now have the responsibility to inform jurors they must not electronically discuss cases they are hearing. The Judicial Conference released the model jury instructions the to the federal judiciary in late January to "address the increasing incidence of juror use, of such devices as cellular telephones or computers, to conduct research on the internet or communicate with others about cases." Robinson, rightly sensing that most jurors are tools who don’t know any better, told his fellow judges that "more explicit mention in jury instructions of the various methods and modes of electronic communication and research would help jurors better understand and adhere to the scope of the prohibition against the use of these devices." In other words, you all know the type of morons we deal with on a regular basis, so structure your directions to them in such a way that a brain-damaged ferret could understand and we’ll all be a lot better off. There are no uniform instructions for jurors in state courts nationwide because each state adopts its own set of jury instructions. So if you are one of the morons, er, um, concerned and patriotic citizens who end up with jury duty, be advised that you best not be Tweeting about the case while it’s going on, or else…………


- Allison Mack was in the director’s chair for last night’s episode of Smallville and for the most part, I thought the episode was good and that she did a solid job. The episode begins at Metropolis’ resident dork fest, the Met Con comic book convention. It’s a blatant rip-off of Comic-Con, the annual Mecca for dorks in San Diego. A young boy makes his way through the convention center and stops at a stand with a classic classic issue of "Warrior Angel." The dork-rific salesman leaves the keys in the lock on the case when he becomes distracted and the opportunistic boy seizes the chance to grab the comic and make a run for it. As he runs from the convention center, the boy bumps into Lois Lane dressed as a storm trooper and trying to find a subject for a human interest story for the Daily Planet. She’s accompanied by Chloe and is subjecting her cousin to an awkward chat about her lack of intimacy with Clark. Chloe is saved when Oliver texts her to tell her that their target has been acquired. Lois foils that plan by insisting that Chloe put away her Blackberry enjoy the convention. Meanwhile, the "Warrior Angel" thief finds a back room to read stolen comic and the story magically comes to life in a very literal way, as the boy is suddenly transformed into Warrior Angel. At the same time, Met Con loses power and debris nearly falls on Chloe. She's saved by the a guy calling himself Stephen Swift. Lois places a call to Clark and asks him to pick something up from her apartment, but he’s busy capturing some of Metropolis’ bad guys. Once he’s done with the bad guys, Clark super speeds to Lois’ apartment to run her errand for her. Meanwhile, Chloe has latched onto Stephen Swift and offers to help him. "I'm sort of in the business of helping superheroes," she says. Despite being a 10-year-old who stole a comic book and morphed into a superhero, he takes Chloe up on her offer to go for coffee. Back at the convention, a guy shows up dressed as up as the Red-Blue Blur, but Clark arrives looking decidedly un-Blur. He delivers Lois’ garment bag to her, but they are interrupted by the magical Zatanna, who returns to Smallville for another episode and needs to "borrow" Clark for a bit, much to Lois’ dismay. Zatanna tells Clark that her father had cursed several things in his time as a mad magician and she's been trying to round them all up. One of the items is the “Warrior Angel” comic book that Stephen Swift stole. Clark agrees to help, but before he can get to work, he must rush off to attend to a screaming Lois. She’s actually fine, but the dorks attending the convention are in serious trouble as Lois walks out of the men's room decked out in a Wonder Woman costume. She decides to go on her own quest to find the missing comic book and Clark heads his own way. At the same time, Chloe and new pal Stephen are having coffee and Stephen oddly orders a glass of milk (he is 10, after all). "You really know superheroes?" he asks in amazement. He then tells a story of how that he's an orphan and was sent to live with his aunt when he was little. Adding to his work of fiction liberally, he goes on to spin a yarn about being in a chemical fire, which led to his new powers, one of which is super hearing. His first “save” is to give a wedgue to a bully who is picking on a young boy and Chloe definitely enjoys the display. Clark is putting on a display of his own in searching for the missing comic book and finds it using his X-ray vision. Zatanna is duly impressed by the extent Clark’s powers and decides to use her own powers to have a little fun. She suggests "a tiny moment of true fantasy to remind you of what the sparks are all about." She seduces him, using her power to get him to kiss her and things heat up until he comes out of his mini-trance. Instead, Clark zips over to the Planet, where he spots Oliver planting a kiss on Lois' head. "You may be bullet proof, but you might want to duck and cover in there," Ollie tells Clark before exiting stage left. Lois immediately mentions Zatanna while simultaneously trying to pretend that she's not jealous. "I have nothing to worry about because Clark Kent, he's the most honest man that I know," she says hopefully. She has also found out the identity of the comic book thief: missing child Alec Abrams, a.k.a. Stephen. Alec once wrote letters to the Blur wishing he could be a superhero just like him and was almost the subject of a Planet feature story. Alec/Stephen is busy getting himself invited up to Chloe’s apartment, but not for the obvious reasons. No, it’s because he wants to play……..with Lois’ Xbox. "When's the last time you had any fun?" he asks her. He goes on to share his powers with Chloe and actually learns he can fly right in the middle of her living room. He has his own Superman-esque moment, holding his hand out to Chloe before taking off out her window, zooming over the Metropolis skyline. Over at Watch Tower, Chloe walks in on Clark and Zatanna discussing the curse of the "Warrior Angel" comic book. Chloe is deflated to learn that the new hero in her life is only a kid and she rushes off to find Stephen just before Clark and Zatanna realize that the story in the comic book isn't about the origins of a hero, but the creation of a villain. Chloe finds Stephen and she fesses up to knowing how he actually became Warrior Angel. He angrily tells her that his life sucked before it happened and that he has no intention of going back. As he yells at her, the monster inside of him bursts through, turning him into the villain Devilicus. At the same time, Clark is using Watchtoer’s gadgets to find Alec and finds out that he had interacted with Chloe at Met Con. Clark speeds off to save his friend while Zatanna begins her spell to reverse Stephen/Alec’s power. While Clark tries to locate Chloe, she is on a rooftop in Metropolis, trying to convince Stephen that he is a good guy, not a villain. Zatanna’s spell begins to take effect and the comic book itself burns, taking away Stephen’s powers. The energy generated as a result throws Chloe from the roof, but Clark is there to catch her. When the dust clears, Devilicus is gone and Alec is back. The next day, Clark welcomes to boy to the farmhouse on the Kent farm and Alec apologizes profusely for what he did. "The test of a true hero is not letting the sadness and the loneliness take over," Clark tells him. "I do it because I want to help people, like you. Not because I have to, but because I choose to." As a gesture of thanks, Alec gives him a drawing that looks very similar to Superman, though the costume says "RBB" for Red-Blue Blur. " Clark reunites the boy with his aunt at the Daily Planet. Zatanna suggests that she and Clark continue working together, but he turns her down because he’s happy with Lois. "It must be love," Zatanna says before heading out. Clark then mans up and admits to Lois that Zatanna kissed him, but he never meant for it to happen. "I was wondering how long it would take for you to fess up," she replies. He assures her it will never happen again, but Lois decides to exact some revenge by kissing a random Planet worker who happens to walk by. Love is also in the air for Chloe, who returns to Watchtower to find Oliver practicing his archery skills. They commiserate over their no-fun-having existences. "Sometimes it's right in front of your face, you just have to want to see it," he tells her. That leads to Oliver giving a hero’s take on a classic hook-up scene, instead of “showing” a girl how to play pool or swing a bat/club, they get close when he shows her how to shoot an arrow. "How do I know when to let go?" she asks. It’s a loaded question, one driven home with a close-up of their hands meeting, Chloe shooting the arrow and the requisite fade to black, end of episode. Overall, an interesting story and although it didn’t involve Zod, the Kandorians or Tess Mercer (after he big reveal as a Checkmate agent last episode), it wasn’t too bad………….


- Every Toyota model currently on the market or that has been on the market at any time in the company’s history would seem to be destined for a recall at some point. The latest to join the recall parade is the Toyota Prius, which some owners and safety experts claim sometimes accelerates while in cruise control, blowing right past the set speed and sending drivers on wild, dangerous rides. Leading the charge is perhaps the richest Prius owner around, Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak. Wozniak actually owns of several Priuses, including a 2010 model. "This new model has an accelerator that goes wild but only under a certain condition of cruise control," Wozniak said. But instead of blaming the obvious culprit – Toyota’s Floormats of Death or its Gas Pedal of Death – Wozniak pointed the finger at bad software, something he should be able to identify, having been a chief competitor of Microsoft for years now. "I don't know a way to get heard," he said. "I don't know a way to get through to the government, the government safety people." Wozniak isn’t the only angry Prius owner, as Clarence Ditlow, the executive director of the Center for Auto Safety, a Washington-based group focused on car safety, said his group has received about 10 cruise-control complaints from Prius owners. "We do have reports from some consumers that the vehicle does some things erratically," Ditlow said. "Do we know what's causing it to do that? No. But it's not what the agency [NHTSA] is looking at." The Prius is now among some 8.5 million Toyota vehicles recalled in recent months for problems related to gas pedals and brakes AND earlier this week, Toyota recalled hundreds of thousands of 2010 Priuses for problems associated with its brake system. Yet Toyota fool-heartedly insists that the problems with the world’s most-owned hybrid don’t extend beyond these issues. "There aren't any other issues we're looking at with this vehicle," said Brian Lyons, a Toyota safety and quality communications manager. Owners would seem to disagree and so would Rep. Edolphus Towns, chairman of the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform. Rep. Towns wants to know how closely Toyota has examined its acceleration issues and how confident the company is that its diagnosis of the issue is accurate. "Is Toyota confident that the electronics are not involved in this problem?" Towns asked in a February 3 letter to Toyota CEO Yoshimi Inaba. Towns' committee will hold a hearing on February 24 to further probe the issue and ask question of Toytota executives. Of course, the CEOs of our nation’s hideously operated banks were called before congressional committees as well and that didn’t exactly do a lot of good, but perhaps this time will be different…………

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