Friday, February 27, 2009

A very cool teen beauty queen, the first of many Jimmy Fallon late-night train wrecks and the amazing, imploding Detroit Pistons

- Takin’ it to the streets, booyah! Riot Watch! is back, believe it. Journey with me to Islamabad, Pakistan, where supporters of Pakistani opposition leader Nawaz Sharif took to the streets Thursday, burning cars and damaging shops after the Supreme Court ruled that he and his brother cannot hold elected office. I’ll stop for a minute so both you and I can savor those beautiful words and the mental images they conjure up, burning cars and damaging shops…………………okay, enough savoring. Let’s get down to the details of the case, because the Supreme Court ruling wasn’t the only thing that precipitated these great riots. The demonstrations also resulted from President Asif Ali Zardari imposing governor's rule in the state of Punjab, Pakistan's most populous state. Because Punjab is the power center for Sharif's party, and his brother, Shahbaz, was chief minister there, you can see where the people might react angrily to Zaradri’s decision. Imposing executive rule there for two months, suspending the state's parliament and the Supreme Court ruling were enough to ignite this powder keg. Thankfully, the trio of inciting factors sparked thousands of people to take it to the streets in cities in Punjab, Sindh and Balochistan. Thousands of people are getting their riot on, even as Zardari's spokesman tried to justify the need for executive rule because "an unprecedented and unique constitutional void had been created" when the court stripped Shahbaz Sharif of his post. Zadari and Sharif are bitter, bitter rivals and when the Supreme Court disqualified Sharif because of a criminal record that dates to the late 1990s, when he refused to allow an airliner carrying then-military chief Gen. Pervez Musharraf to land, the sh*t hit the fan. Sure, Sharif was ultimately convicted of hijacking and treason AND also was convicted of corruption that year. Rather than go to prison, he went into exile but returned to Pakistan to challenge Musharraf's rule. Honestly, who can’t get with a guy like that? Clearly he’s willing to do whatever it takes to get the job done, and I do mean whatever it takes. If your leader will hijack, commit treason and engage in rampant corruption, you know this guy will not take no for an answer and that’s the kind of man you want leading your country. So riot on, Sharif-heads (my name for his supporters, like the Cheese-heads are Green Bay Packers fans), riot on……..

- Boy, that escalated quickly. I mean, it really got out of hand. It jumped up a notch, didn’t it? I am, of course, referring to the sudden and amazing implosion of the Detroit Pistons, formerly one of the NBA’s best teams and now a shell of their former selves, rocking a 27-29 record and eight-game losing streak. For a team that has reached the Eastern Conference finals for seven straight seasons, this sort of collapse is totally bizarre. Sure, the Pistons were expected to take a slight step back this season with an aging roster of mostly past-their-prime stars, plus trading venerable point guard and team leader Chauncey Billups four games into the season in a salary cap-motivated move. In return, the Pistons received shoot-first, tough-as-nails guard Allen Iverson, a former league MVP who still has quite a bit left in the tank. Ultimately, the trade robbed Detroit of their leader, their floor general and apparently any chance of remaining a title contender. With Iverson, they are 23-29, with literally no hope of a division title and a tenuous grip on the seventh spot in the Eastern Conference playoff race. Of course, if they continue at the robust .227 winning percentage (5-17) they’ve been putting up the past 22 games, that grip will slip away. Perhaps no one player better illustrates the Pistons’ demise better than noted hothead Rasheed Wallace, who is once again leading the NBA in technical fouls. He’s led the league in T’s nearly every year of his career and in Wednesday night’s loss at New Orleans, Wallace received two more techs, one for arguing with the officials following a non-call on a Hornets’ offensive rebound and a second one (resulting in his ejection) for ripping a towel from a ball boy and knocking it into the crowd. After that temper tantrum, Wallace hurled a towel in the direction of Pistons coach Michael Curry, completing an infantile behavior trifecta that only he could pull off. It was believed that those two techs would result in a suspension for Wallace, as he had accrued the 16 T’s necessary for an automatic one-game suspension from the league. However, Wallace temporarily avoided that punishment because the league revealed that the technicals Wallace received Dec. 23 and Feb. 7 were rescinded. That leaves Wallace with 14 this season, so go ahead and figure he’ll pick up those final two needed for a one-game vacation within the next week or so. When he does, it’ll be just another black eye for the Pistons in a season that has become a total disaster and looks to be getting worse by the day…….

- Aspiring artists and attention-starved people of the world, your chance to shine is here. The famous "empty" fourth plinth in London's Trafalgar Square has been filled by a parade of artists chosen by the Mayor of London's Fourth Plinth Commissioning Group since 2005. Now, artist Antony Gormley has an idea for how the space can be filled for the next 100 days: by volunteers. For 100 consecutive days, 24 hours a day, Gormley plans to line up volunteers to be a part of his work "One & Other," will run from July 6 to October 14 and involve 2,400 people who will stand on the plinth for an hour each. While at their post, volunteers can do anything they like to entertain, be it tell jokes, sing, dance, tell a story or take a nap. Gormley is known for iconic works which include "The Angel of the North," but this will be an interesting piece of performance art quite unlike anything he’s done before. It should also spice up the atmosphere at Trafalqar Square, which is one of London's landmarks. Over the years, it’s become the place for Londoners to celebrate sporting victories, hold national occasions or stage demonstrations. The fourth plinth has gained notoriety because it’s the only one not to hold a statue. It was built in 1841 to hold a tribute to King William IV, but apparently old King Willie wasn’t very popular because the fundraising efforts for the project fell well short of the mark. The plinth remained unoccupied until 1999, when it was decided that a rotating series of artworks should occupy the space. Past pieces to have occupied the space in the past have included a life-size statue of Jesus, an inverted replica of the plinth and a colored glass hotel for the square's famed pigeons. Gormley’s idea is being hailed as “outstanding” and “a public demonstration of democracy in action. "Through putting a person onto the plinth, the body becomes a metaphor, a symbol. In the context of Trafalgar Square with its military, valedictory and male historical statues, this elevation of everyday life to the position formerly occupied by monumental art allows us to reflect on the diversity, vulnerability and particularity of the individual in contemporary society,” Gormley said. “It's about people coming together to do something extraordinary and unpredictable. It could be tragic but it could also be funny.” Should you want to take part, applications will be taken from April, with the winning volunteers randomly selected. Once this interesting exhibit ends, the next display will be artist Yinka Shonibare’s whose scale replica of Lord Horatio Nelson's ship, HMS Victor. Nelso was the hero of the famed 1805 British naval victory against the French for which the square is named. I look forward to seeing how this exhibit turns out…..

- Before I knew who Jimmy Fallon’s first guest would be as host of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, I rightly figured that the show would be an absolute train wreck. Actually, I’m pretty sure the entire stint of Fallon hosting the show is going to totally blow, given the fact that he’s a) not funny and b) really, really annoying. Losing Jay Leno, replacing him with Conan O’Brien and replacing O’Brien with Fallon is a massive downgrade on all fronts, but now the we know the identity of Fallon’s first guest, things have gotten worse - much worse. Weasel-voiced, Michael Jackson rip-off, former man bander Justin Timberlake will be that inaugural guest for Fallon, reuniting the members of a truly forgettable Bee Gees-themed skit for Saturday Night Live. Should you be looking to avoid this debacle, either go to bed early Monday night or just turn to any channel but NBC. Actually, this should be your policy until you have official confirmation that someone funny is actually hoting Late Night, which isn’t going to happen as long as it’s Fallon’s show. Fallon is clearly aiming for the teenage girls demographic early on, as he’ll also have Gossip Girl's Chace Crawford as a first-week guest. Musically, he’s actually off to a good start with indie rockers Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, and somehow Fallon also managed to Jedi mind-trick Robert DeNiro into coming on as well. Should you care for an early look at how bad this whole train wreck is going to be, you can find a series of online-only clips, on NBC’s website, but I’d advise you not to inflict that sort of pain on yourself………

- Rachel Ramonas of Wolcott, Conn. is my kind of beauty queen. Not only does her last name sound a lot like one of the greatest punk bands in history, the Ramones, my girl Rachel is doing her part to keep the tradition of misbehaving beauty pageant contestants alive. She’s doing so by throwing bitchin’ drinking parties for herself and her underage friends, one of which resulted in 24 minors being charged with underage drinking. That’s the kind of act that’s going to show you deserve the title of Miss Connecticut's Outstanding Teen, Rach. The Miss America organization, of which the Miss Outstanding Teen pageant is part, has to be proud to have one of its winners having a cop-raided party while her parents were out of town. "It's just a judgment call, a poor judgment call," Ramonas' mother, Denise Ramonas said. "This is what happens." No, Mrs. Ramonas, it’s not poor judgment, what it is is awesome. You may think it’s out of character for your daughter, but I’m guessing you just don’t know her as well as you thought. You may think of her as the pretty, sophisticated girl who won a $2,000 scholarship when she won the Miss Outstanding Teen Connecticut title at a pageant last summer, but I’m guessing her friends know her a little differently. You don’t just throw a kegger for a couple dozen underage friends and have it be a one-time deal. What’s ironic is that after winning the pageant, Rachel Ramonas described the experience as “really indescribable,” adding, “I had so much fun that week, it was the best week of my life.” No, this current week has to be the best week of your life. This is the week where you should be saying, “I am so proud of myself,” because this week, you showed your true colors and carried on an ages-old tradition of beauty pageant contestants getting wild. Whether it’s drugs, underage drinking, making out with other girls at clubs or posting revealing pictures online, beauty pageants know how to get a little crazy. Heck, I’ll even give you a green light to continue promoting awareness of eating disorders during the week, but on the weekends you need to be trying to throw bigger and better parties. As far as I know, there were no brawls and no major property damage to the house from this party, so there’s room for improvement. You did well this time, especially the beer pong table the cops found, but one thing you do need to clear up is your parents’ ridiculous claims that you yourself didn’t consume any alcohol at the party. No one throws that kind of party and then just sits off to the side saying, “No, you all drink as much as you want, I need to take the high road here.” I’m just hoping that the Miss Connecticut Scholarship Corp. doesn’t overreact and do something stupid like try to strip Ramonas’ title, because it sounds like they might. "This is a very sad day for us today," said Gail McCool, spokeswoman for the Miss Connecticut Scholarship Program. Gail, either you’re misguided, you have a distorted perspective on this or you’re just not very cool, because let’s face it, all the cool people know that this is a great day and that Rachel Ramonas will forever be cemented as a legend among her friends…..

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