- Wow. What an awesome, amazing episode of Lost last night. “The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham” was a mind-blower, to be sure. It was all about how John Locke/Jeremy Bentham lived and died once he left the island in an attempt to find the Oceanic 6 and convince them to return to the island. First, Locke was standing on a beach on an island (The Island, as it turned out), surrounded by a bunch of strangers. Around him, two people from the group stood out. One, a woman named Ilana, went to find a man named Caesar, who was inside a nearby building, searching through a lab/office for something and perusing a binder with a Dharma Initiative logo on it. Ilana informed Caesar that a man had been found who wasn’t “on the plane.” It turned out that the wreckage of Ajira Airways flight 316 was the plane in question and Locke was the unknown man. As he sat on the beach, Locke was approached and questioned by Caesar, but wasn’t able to offer much information. The next morning, when Ilana brought Locke a mango for breakfast, she asked him who he was and how he came to be on the island - in a nice suit, no less. Locke replied cryptically that he was wearing the suit “they were going to bury me in.” After that, it was flashback time. Locke turned the mysterious wheel on the island, deep inside the cave where Christian Shephard was urging him on, and landed in the middle of the Tunisian desert, the same desert we once saw Ben Linus in, wearing a Dharma Initiative coat. As Locke lay there with the compound fracture in his lower leg pulsing with agonizing pain, he noticed a surveillance camera and hundreds of yards of electrical wiring leading from it. For the rest of the daylight hours, Locke lay on the ground in pain, pleading for someone to come and help him. It wasn’t until after dark that a truck full of men speaking Arabic came hurtling toward Locke, stopping a few feet from the spot where he lay, lifting him off the ground and dropping him into the bed of the truck. From there, it was off to some sort of basic, Spartan hospital where a doctor gave Locke some sort of sedative, put a bite bar in his mouth to keep him from biting through his lip from the pain and then reset the bone in his leg. Weirdly enough, Locke also saw Matthew Abbadon across the room, the same man who was an orderly in the hospital back in L.A. when Locke was hospitalized after his dear old dad threw him out of a window and left him crippled and wheelchair-bound. Abbadon also told Locke he should go on the Australian walkabout that led to him ending up on Oceanic 815 to begin with. With the bone reset and the sedative kicking in, Locke goes out like a light and wakes up to find none other than Charles Widmore bedside. Widmore explains to Locke that he remembers meeting Locke on the island when he was 17, but to Locke all the years in between have been only four days because of the time travel factor now in play on the island. Widmore also explains that he was once the leader of the Others before Ben Linus booted him from the island and that he wants to help Locke gather the Oceanic 6 so Locke can return and take his rightful position as the Others’ new leader. Widmore also reveals that he’s been watching the Oceanic 6 and provides Locke with a passport as Jeremy Bentham (named after a British philosopher), plus all of the money and supplies he’ll need to track down his friends. Abbadon is to go with Locke to protect and assist him and although his broken leg means a temporary return to a wheelchair for Locke - a jarring moment to be sure - Locke and Abbadon set off, first for Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic. There, Locke finds Sayid, working on a volunteer building project with a group called Build A World. Locke tries to talk Sayid into returning to the island, an attempt that fails. Sayid says leaving the island allowed him to spend nine months with the woman he loved, Nadia, before she was killed (which we saw happen last season. Locke leaves, but not before telling Sayid that if he changes his mind, he can find Locke at a hotel in L.A. From Santo Domingo, it’s off to New York, where Locke visits Walt, son of Michael Dawson who escaped the island at the end of Season 2 with his dad and never returned. We saw Walt last season, visitng Hurley at the mental hospital. Walt now attends a private school in Manhattan, but Locke doesn’t try to recuit him back to the island because “he’s been through enough.” Locke only checks to make sure Walt is okay, telling the boy that the last he knew of his father was on the freighter near the island. After visiting Walt, who told Locke he’d been having dreams about him back on the island, it was off to Santa Rosa, where Locke also visited Hurley at the mental hospital and after convincing Hurley that he was real, was trying to talk the big guy into returning to the island when the sight of Abbadon nearby sent Hurley into a panic. Hurley recognizes Abbadon as the man who came to visit him posing as an Oceanic rep and trying to find out information about the island. With Hurley down firmly in the “no” column, Locke goes to L.A. to visit Kate, who also turns him down and says Locke fought to remain on the island because he didn’t have anyone he loved to come back to. That comment causes Locke to reflect on his former lady friend Helen and to direct Abbadon, his driver/confidant to take him to Helen. However, the proves to be a disappointment when Abbadon takes him to a grave in Santa Monica where Helen was buried after dying of a brain aneurysm. That leads to a discussion of fate, with Abbadon saying Helen’s path led her to that grave, while no matter what Locke does, his path leads back to the island. As the pair gets into the car to leave, Abbadon is shot and killed, leaving Locke, broken leg and all, to drive away in a panic. A couple of blocks later, he’s in a massive car accident and ends up at the hospital where Jack Shephard works. Jack recognizes Locke and confronts him about what he’s doing in L.A., leading to another of their patented debates about science vs. faith. The only way Locke can get through to Jack is relaying the message that Jack’s dad Christian gave Locke in the cave right before he left the island: “Say hello to my son.” A message from his deceased dad jars Jack, but he still says no to retuning to the island. Feeling he’s a failure, Locke returns to his hotel room and tries to hang himself after penning the suicide note to Jack we saw in last week’s episode. Before Locke can off himself, Ben bursts into the room and stops him, telling Locke he’s willing to help him get back to the island and that Charles Widmore is just using him. After talking Locke literally out of his own noose, Ben coaxes him into a wheelchair so ostensibly they can go talk to the Oceanic 6 again and try one more time to win them over. But the instant Locke gives Ben the name of Eloise Hawking, the woman who we now know has the scoop on getting back to the island, as the person he must go see for help, Ben turns on Locke and kills him. Ben chokes him out using the same extension cord Locke was about to hang himself with, then wipes the room down and stages it to look like Locke did actually hang himself. That ends the flashback portion of the show, and back in the present Locke tracks down Caesar in the same lab/office where the episode began. Caesar asks Locke to explain how he came to be on the island, detailing the flash of light that hit the plane and how some of the passengers - including Hurley and the other members of the Oceanic 6 - were eerily calm during the duress. Because Locke was dead at the time, he isn’t sure how to explain things. He says he must find his friends to know for sure what happened, but when Caesar tells him about those who were injured in the crash and takes Locke to see them, a surprise awaits. It’s Ben, in bad shape on a cot in the makeshift infirmary, not conscious. Locke recognizes him and that’s where it ends, setting up some drama for next week….I hope. The show has shown an irritating tendency to set up great drama one week and then have an episode that has nothing to do with that drama the next week. So tune in next Wednesday to see how this plays out……
- Here’s a good rule for life: if you’re not strong or tough enough to steal a laptop and printer from a 75-year-old man, you deserve whatever punishment and humiliation you can get, doubled. Samuel Dallas Jarvis OF Stuart, Fla., I’m looking right at you. You may stand 6’1 and weigh 230 pounds, but you proved no match for an elderly man nearly five decades older than you and for that reason, you should be ashamed. See, Jarvis was lurking outside of the Best Buy at 2555 N. Federal Highway in Stuart when Joseph Kohl, 75, was coming out of the store with his new laptop and printer, waiting for his wife to pick him up at the curb. He was standing at those big concrete pillars in front of every Best Buy to keep people from driving through the door opening for any reason and set his new lapper and printer down on the ground beside him. That’s when Jarvis seized the chance to run in and snatch the items, but the old man had a little something for the would-be thief. He ran about 8 feet, grabbed the thief and tried to get back his items. “I have no idea what computers are about, but I didn’t want him taking my first one,” he said. Great, so you’ve got some technologically clueless senior citizen who finally makes the plunge, overcomes their irrational fear of all things computer and ponies up for his very first laptop. They want to email their grandkids, get all those lame pictures of the kids playing in the backyard on the swing set and what not, so they buy their computer, come out of the store and some idiot tries to rip it from them before they even get in the car. Unfortunately for Jarvis, off-duty Martin County Sheriff’s Office deputy Don Kelly was coming out of the store and jumped in to assist Kohl. “It was over in a minute,” said Kohl. “Having the off-duty cop there ended the situation right there. He showed his badge and the kid gave up.” Still, Jarvis didn’t give up easily and was still scrapping with both Kelly and Kohl when Stuart Police arrived. Jarvis was arrested and charged him with robbery and battery on a person over age 65. Kohl plans to enroll in computer classes and learn how to use his new computer, which is probably a good idea because clearly he doesn’t need to waste time or money on self-defense classes…….
- Here’s another issue where I’m just torn. I love stoners - some of my favorite people in the world - and the idea of placing an added financial burden on these good citizens is troublesome. At the same time, the concept of legalizing marijuana in the state of California beyond medicinal use is also appealing. So where to come down on the idea of taxing weed in order to provide a much-needed financial boost for the state’s flagging economy? Assemblyman Tom Ammiano from San Francisco, a member of California's state assembly, is the man introducing legislation to make California the first state to tax and regulate recreational marijuana. Ammiano says the measure would boost state revenues while putting a damper on drug use by teens, cutting police costs and even helping the environment. “I know the jokes are going to be coming, but this is not a frivolous issue,” said Ammiano, a Democrat elected to the assembly in November. “California always takes the lead.” Unfortunately, the squares who are a part of various anti-drug groups in California and nationwide are doing their best to ruin a possible landmark day for potheads. “Legalizing drugs like this would create a whole new set of costs for society,” whined Calvina Fay, executive director of Save Our Society From Drugs. First off, C., how narcissistic and self-absorbed was your old man, so set on naming you after himself even though you were a girl that he just slammed an “a” on the end of your name and gave you a horrible moniker like Calvina? But I digress….if implemented, Ammiano's measure essentially would apply the same the regulatory structure used for alcohol to pot, i.e. stoners under the age of 21 would still have to get baked illegally. Ammiano’s point, one I agree with, is that this new measure would allow police to focus on more serious crimes. Also, he feels that legalizing the hippie lettuce would eliminate the many destructive pot plantations that negatively impact fragile ecosystems, thus helping the environment. Of course, the one figure that politicians have to like regarding this proposal is the $1 billion (yes, with a “b”) that such a tax could bring in based on an estimated $14 billion pot industry in the state. All politicians like the idea of more money for them to waste, right? With their state posting a $42 billion budget deficit last year, the state’s legislators need to be actively seeking out new sources of income and a tax on the chronic just might be part of the answer. “Generating new revenue is crucial to the state's long-term fiscal health", said Betty Yee, California's Board of Equalization chairwoman. She and her board support Ammiano's proposal. That being said, I do feel bad for all my stoner buddies, because while not being thrown in jail for sparking up would be nice, the added price of pot with a tax on the product might be too much for the lowly stoner to afford. So I’m not sure where to come out on this, but I think for right now I’m going to advocate keeping pot illegal so potheads can maintain their outcast, renegade image……..
- Here it is, finally a job offer worth of Nadya Suleman, a.k.a. the Octuplet Mom. What’s a fitting gig for a moron who deliberately got pregnant despite already having six kids she couldn’t support and ended up bringing eight more into this world, kids taxpayers will end up supporting via welfare? How’s about $1 million from some sleazeball porn producer to appear in an XXX-rated film? Sounds like a perfect match for me, since both are the dregs of society. On the one hand, you have a selfish, stupid, small-brained fool like Suleman, who clearly cares for no one but herself and about nothing but her selfish desire to accumulate more kids like most of us collect t-shirts, baseball cards, etc., and on the other hand you have a despicable, filthy scumbag like Vivid Video cochairman Steven Hirsch. Hirsch is offering Suleman "up to $1 million to act in one movie." This may surprise you, but I think Suleman should jump on this offer. Clearly with her uber-limited IQ, she’s not qualified to do much of anything else. Anyone with an IQ above 15 would look at the six kids they already have trouble supporting and think, “Whatever I do, I can’t have any more.” Not Suleman, and for that reason I think she deserves the humiliation of lying on her back and taking some on film with a total stranger so thousands of degenerate freaks can watch it over and over. Hirsch had made a public offer and Suleman needs to accept. As Hirsch accurately put it, she “obviously needs income to assure that her children are secure.” As sad as it sounds, I’d rather see this pathetic wench accept this offer than see her set up a website for contributions and bilk sympathetic people out of their money. Oh, and Vivid's deal would also furnish Suleman with a year of health insurance for her family. “There is a tremendous amount of interest in Nadya,” adds Hirsch. "We can help her capitalize on that interest and put some real cash in her bank account.” Sign the contract, Nadya, and follow in the dirty, slutty footsteps of Pamela Anderson, Kim Kardashian and former soap star/Miss USA Kelli McCarty, all of whom have appeared in Vivid productions. It’s not like there’s any way you can actually lower people’s perceptions of you at this point…….
- Spring training has barely begun, but already it hasn’t been kind to Major League Baseball’s most perpetually inept franchise, the Washington Nationals. The Nats already had a nasty split with pitcher Odalis Perez, who signed a minor league contract for $850,000 and a shot to make the big league roster, then refused to show up for camp because he wanted a better deal. Now the franchise is reeling from an age-changing scandal regarding one of its top prospects that has forced the Nats to restructure their operations in all of Latin America. Less than a week ago, it was discovered that prized prospect Esmailyn Gonzalez, who received a $1.4 million signing bonus in 2006, was actually Carlos Daniel Alvarez Lugo and was four years older than originally thought. The situation became more complicated because prior to signing with the Nationals, Gonzalez/Lugo had trained at the baseball academy of Nationals special assistant Jose Rijo and was represented by trainer Basilio Vizcaino, a childhood friend of Rijo's. Inking a prospect to a fat contract, handing him a signing bonus and then learning that he lied about his age and who he was to get that deal tends to piss teams off. Having one of their own employees involved in said scam would seem to compound that anger, and so it is with the Nats. They have decided to fire Rijo and will shut down the team's academy in the Dominican Republic, which operates out of a complex owned by Rijo in San Cristobal. Also, the Nationals are restructuring their entire Latin American operation, with assistant general manager and vice president Mike Rizzo arriving in Santo Domingo on Tuesday to look for alternative sites for the team's Dominican academy. For the time being, the Nats will use a facility in San Pedro owned by former major league pitcher Balvino Galvez while they look for a long-term solution. Rizzo has also wasted no time in replacing Rijo, barely waiting before he landed on the pavement outside the Nats’ front door before interviewing Fernando Ravelo, general manager for the Dominican Winter League Tigres de Licey, about replacing Rijo as the team's director of Dominican operations. To be fair to alleged cheaters and liars Vizcaino and Rijo, both have both denied any wrongdoing or any knowledge of the Gonzalez/Lugo's actions in regards to the altering of his age. Rijo’s claims might be slightly more believable if the Nationals had not previously acknowledged that general manager Jim Bowden and Rijo are both the subject of a baseball investigation in the Dominican Republic concerning the skimming of bonus money from amateur signees. So Rijo is first suspected of skimming cash from the signing bonuses of young players he’s supposed to be helping and now one of the guys in his academy shaves four years off of his age to bank a fat deal with the team Rijo works for? Sounds pretty suspicious to me, no doubt. Whatever other revisions the Nationals make to their Latin American operations, I’m thinking better background checks before signing prospects would be a good change to make…….
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