- If only all stoners were as fortunate as my man Michael Phelps. He had an actual photograph taken of him doing a bong hit at a party and yet Richland County (S.C.) Sheriff Leon Lott said Monday that he was not going to charge Phelps with any crime. Lott admitted that he didn't have enough physical evidence to charge the swimmer, but still defended his investigation. "Michael Phelps is truly an American hero ... but even with his star status, he is still obligated to obey the laws of our state," Lott said. Yeah, whatever you say, sheriff. You had a pic of Phelps doing a bong rip at a party in November when he visited the University of South Carolina and you even seized the bong, but you couldn’t prove that Phelps actually smoked from it. "We had a photo and him saying he was sorry for inappropriate behavior. He never said, 'I smoked marijuana.' We didn't have physical evidence," Lott said. You may not have been able to, but Phelps’ fellow stoners at the party seem to believe that he did, because one of them tried to throw than bong up on eBay for $100,000 before the sheriff seized it. Overall, quite a party all the details that have come out. In addition to the bong, there was allegedly a $4,000 game of beer pong going on at one point, a live band and a whole lot more. So while Phelps may be apologizing and saying that he’s “glad this matter is put to rest,” I’m going to go ahead and assume that he’d do it all over again, just minus the bong picture. He may spin it as needing to recognize that he used bad judgment and needs be careful about the decisions he makes, but the only really bad choice he made was not ensuring that no one in the room had a camera or camera phone before he took that bong hit. Of course, he did get a nice three-month vacation when USA Swimming suspended him in the wake of the photo. Sure, he lost his endorsement deal with Kellogg Co., but there will be other endorsement deals. The bottom line is that Phelps is not one of the seven people arrested during the investigation and this not still facing a simple possession of marijuana charge, which carries a maximum penalty of 30 days in jail or a $575 fine. So enjoy the time off, be more careful about where and with whom you bong it up and we’ll never have to through this again, Mike…….
- How magnanimous of you, President Obama, to decide that your administration isn’t going to dick over the American public by supporting a policy of taxing drivers based on their mileage. Yes, these a-holes were actually considering trying to tax us simply for driving, with Transportation Department Secretary Ray LaHood saying recently that it wass an idea "we should look at." In a written statement, the department said, "The policy of taxing motorists based on how many miles they have traveled is not and will not be Obama administration policy." Super, not implementing the ultimate Big Brother idea to implant Global Positioning System (GPS) units in people’s cars and track them. The concept is apparently to use the tax collected to make up for a shortfall in highway funding. I say this without hesitation, you all can put a GPS system in my car and use it to track miles I drive in order to tax me over my cold, dead freaking body. Ass hats, we already have plenty of taxes. The fact that you numb nuts waste them on pork barrel projects and bailouts of every industry under the sun doesn’t mean you should be able to tax us just for driving - no way. There are already significant taxes on gasoline, there are sales taxes when we buy parts and supplies for our cars, there are tolls when we use the turnpike, so f**k off if you think you’re taxing me just for driving, ain’t happening. Yet there was LaHood, an Illinois Republican, saying, "We should look at the vehicular miles program where people are actually clocked on the number of miles that they traveled." Bad idea, you tool. How about we slash the salaries of overpaid, small-brained bureaucrats like you and use that money to help supplement highway funding. Props to the Obama administration of setting the record straight and assuring us that there will be no VMT (vehicle miles traveled) tax program. Aside from the added tax burden, which no one needs and many could not afford, GPS units would also allow the government to keep track of how much each car is driven and where, and also track other things, including the time each car enters a certain zone. Again, can anyone say invasion of privacy? I honestly am not that concerned with your shortage in highway funding, federal government, because I know you waste so much money on unnecessary things and could definitely find ways to be more fiscally responsible, thus ensuring sufficient funds for highway maintenance. Let’s pretend this idiotic idea of a VMT program never even came up and just move on……..
- If I’m living in the state of Florida right now, I’m doing two things: buying a bulletproof vest and working on my conflict resolution skills. Both are wise choices given the fact that the Sunshine State now has a backlog of 95,000 applications for concealed gun permits and actually is planning to hire more people to handle the paperwork. You may recall that when President Obama was elected, gun nuts around the country went into a mini-panic, believing that it may become harder to get a gun during the Obama administration. Regardless of the motivation, Floridians are going gun happy and as a result, a legislative panel in Tallahassee gave Agriculture Commissioner Charles Bronson permission on Wednesday to spend $3.9-million more so he can hire 61 temporary workers. Those workers will be dealing with a pile of concealed weapon permit applications stemming from the receipt of received 75,679 first-time concealed-weapon permit applications in 2007. 86,269 in 2008, many more so far in 2009 and also from tens of thousands of renewal forms.
All told, nearly 541,000 Floridians have permits for concealed weapons. State law mandates that permit applications must be processed within 90 days. Once a person obtains a permit, they can strap for seven years for a measly $117, which is a small price for the right to be able to pull a gun anywhere, any time. Yes, a mix of lots of guns and lots of old people, quite a melting pot you have there, Florida…..
- Nice try, Bud. Bud Selig may not want to accept any blame for the steroids era in Major League Baseball, blame that is flying around in increasingly high volumes following Alex Fraud-riguez’s revelation as another of MLB’s prominent ‘roiders, but he’s not dodging that Scud. “I don't want to hear the commissioner turned a blind eye to this or he didn't care about it,” Selig said in a phone interview. "That annoys the you-know-what out of me. You bet I'm sensitive to the criticism. The reason I'm so frustrated is, if you look at our whole body of work, I think we've come farther than anyone ever dreamed possible. I honestly don't know how anyone could have done more than we've already done." I do, Commish. You could have given a damn and made an effort to enact a drug policy while the steroid era was actually going on and at its height, that’s what. You could have not made such a point of celebrating and honoring ‘roid-fueled sluggers like Bar-roid Bonds, Mark McGwire (still not here to talk about the past) and Sammy Sosa. You could have done something before this issue blew up in your face and nearly ruined the sport. All of your indignation now about Rodriguez shamed the game and "will have to live with the damage he has done to his name and reputation" would have had a lot more bite if you’d been testing for steroids when he was taking them and caught him at that point. Go ahead and monitor the A-Fraud situation closely now, just realize that it’s too late to save your ass. Just know that what fans are going to remember is you riding along during the home run chase of 1998 between Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa and everything else that happened to the game in the mid-to-late 1990s, when steroids and other PEDs were running wild in MLB. What infuriates me is Selig saying that, “I'm not sure I would have done anything differently" at that point in time. A lot of people say we should have done this or that, and I understand that. They ask me, 'How could you not know?' and I guess in the retrospect of history, that's not an unfair question. But we learned and we've done something about it.” Great, I’m glad you learned and are doing better now, but that doesn’t absolve you of blame for settling for a lesser steroid policy during labor negotiations between owners and the players' association in 2002 and allowing steroids to continue to have a prominent place in the game. You were (and are) the commissioner, which means you should be in charge. It also means you get a lot of the blame for allowing steroids to run wild in baseball. Thus, I don’t give a damn whether you like being blamed for your role in this situation or if you are sensitive to the criticism. No one likes being criticizes, especially when they’ve f’d up. So quit your bitching and whining and swallow your medicine, Commish……
- As you know, I’m not a fan of FAT people or of reality TV (outside of about 1 percent of the dozens of crap-tacular reality shows out there. But weirdly enough, right now is a time when all three of the reality shows that I haven’t deemed totally worthless are on the air. My favorite reality show (much like being the tallest midget) just began a new season Sunday night, The Amazing Race. The show is always fast-paced, goes to all sorts of interesting places around the world and usually has some interesting characters. Survivor is also back and in Brazil, a couple of episodes into a new season. Although the show jumped the shark a while ago, it’s still better than 99 percent of the reality crap out there and as much as it’s one big collection of clichés and people taking a game and themselves far too seriously, it’s not the worst watch. But the reality show I most enjoy tuning into these days is Biggest Loser, mostly because who can’t get with a concerted effort to help really, really FAT people stop being so FAT and not eat themselves to an early grave? Various seasons have had individual competitors or teams of two, with this season being the latter. Although FAT people have no one to blame but themselves for being FAT, it’s still uplifting to see them shed dozens and dozens of pounds and stop being so freaking depressing to look at. I’d encourage you to give the show a chance and see if it doesn’t put a smile on your face as well, which is more than you can say for the bulk of reality TV shows……..
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