- There are many ginormous groups of losers in this world who deserve constant ridicule, but what happens when one person falls into two of those groups and must make a choice about which realm of loser-dom to reside in? I am, of course, referring to smokers and obsessive pet owners, both of whom have their own special spot in the kingdom of losers. Loser pet owners buy things like sweaters and special beds for their dogs, feed them better than most humans and refer to their pooch as if it were the human friends they are far too loser-ly to have. Smokers are losers by virture of paying big money to shove cancer sticks in their pie holes, upping their chances of lung cancer and the chances of those around them for lung cancer, turning their skin into a wrinkled, green-ish mass, infesting their clothes, cars and furniture with the smell of smoke and looking like a tool while doing so. So what happens when one loser habit, smoking, negatively impacts your other loser habit, spoiling your dog? According to a new study, one in three smokers would consider kicking the habit after learning that smoking poses a danger to pets. Only one in three? So two of every three smokers would keep smoking even if it harms their beloved pet? Well, I suppose if these ass hats won't quit smoking even though secondhand smoke causes almost 50,000 deaths in adult nonsmokers in the United States each year, why should they give a damn about animals? Sure, studies have linked smoke exposure to oral cancer and lymphoma in cats and nasal and lung cancer in dogs and even birds, but what’s suffering an agonizing death when it can buy your owner a few extra puffs on their cancer sticks? Yes, pet owners spent an estimated $10.5 billion in the United States in 2008 on pet supplies and over-the-counter medications, and yes that total could go down if people took better care of their pets (i.e. by not smoking around them), but what the hay? Puff away. The best hope is that the 3,300 pet owners who took part in this study and the 28.4 percent of them who said they would consider quitting after learning that secondhand smoke posed a danger to their pet will actually live up to their word and that other loser smokers will follow suit. One side benefit of this study could be for doctors looking for additional ways to help people kick their smoking habits. “Clearly people love their pets," says study author Sharon Milberger, of the Henry Ford Health System's Center for Health Promotion and Disease Prevention in Detroit. "This may be a way to reach them." Honeslty…..whatever works. I don’t care what you need to do to stop people from smoking, do it. These a-holes are ruining the air that the rest of us need to breathe and incurring all sorts of illnesses that drive up the costs of insurance and medical coverage/care for the rest of the population, so by any means necessary, stop them……..
- These are the problems you have when you’re a second-rate computer company with the world’s worst operating system. You end up with hackers creating a powerful computer virus that could lead to millions of PCs being hijacked and find yourself offering a $250,000 reward for information leading to the arrest and conviction of said hackers. Welcome to Microsoft’s world, where a virus that has been baffling Internet experts and creating a panic in the PC community (a.k.a. Loserville). No one can figure out the true purpose of the Conficker or Downadup virus, but that isn’t stopping observers from labeling it one of the most dangerous viruses ever. The way the worm works is by exploiting a bug in Microsoft Windows to infect mainly corporate networks, then opening a link back to its point of origin, meaning it can receive further orders to wreak havoc. Something of a Trojan horse, although at this point the Greeks have yet to jump out of the horse and storm the city, i.e. no actual damage has been done yet. Microsoft’s response - other than offering a quarter of a million dollars in a pathetic attempt to track down the culprits - has been to issue a patch to fix the bug. The problem with that solution is that if a single machine is infected in a large network, it will spread unchecked -- often reinfecting machines that have been disinfected. Joining Microsoft to fund the $250,000 bounty are several other leading technology companies, all of them pooling their cash (tough economic times for everyone, I guess) and offering up the $250,000 reward for information to track down those behind Conficker. "As part of Microsoft's ongoing security efforts, we constantly look for ways to use a diverse set of tools and develop methodologies to protect our customers," said George Stathakopoulos, of Microsoft's Trustworthy Computing Group. At least two million IP addresses have been identified as infected, but each IP address could represent more than one computer, so this is definitely a big problem. But like I said, when you own a computer with a third-rate operating system, this is the kind of headache you’re in for……
- Well this should be a lot of fun. Famed (I use that term liberally) soccer guy David Beckham won’t be realizing his “dream” of returning to play soccer in a place where people actually give a damn about the sport - Europe. Becks’ desire to make his two-month stint with Euro club team AC Milan permanent is a no-go after AC Milan and Becks’ American team, the L.A. Galaxy, couldn’t reach terms on an agreement for Becks to join AC Milan on more than a loaner basis. He’s been playing in Italy the past couple of months while the Major League Soccer offseason takes place and the Galaxy don’t need his services. The warm reception in Italy and the experience of being somewhere that he’s recognized and respected made Becks want to stay, going so far as to say it would be “a dream.” Instead, the English midfielder will return to the Galaxy team next month as scheduled after his two-month loan agreement with AC Milan ends. Tim Leiweke, president of Galaxy parent AEG, said Friday the Italian club didn't make a second offer to the Galaxy to keep Beckham so it’s back to the U.S. of A. “We didn't receive an offer today," Leiweke said after the team rejected AC Milan’s first offer. “We will abide by the commissioner's wishes, so we are clear at this point that we don't want to have any further conversations.” For Beckham, that means he’s still under the five-year contract he signed with the Galaxy and MLS, due in the Galaxy’s training camp on March 9. Honestly, this should be interesting to watch, because a pissed, irritated Beckham and a Galaxy team that can’t be too happy with him should be great. And no, I don’t buy Leiweke’s take that everything will be fine and that both sides will move forward amicably. "We look forward to seeing David back in camp. We need to have a good season and we need to live up to a higher expectation." Leiweke said, "We heard loud and clear this week from our contractual partners that they wanted an end to this. We look forward to having him back with the club.” Sure you do, T. I’m also sure that Becks will say that he’s disappointed but will do his best to make things work and give his all for the Galaxy this season. Oh, and I’m sure that both of you are lying through your teeth. He’s bent about having to come back and play in a second-rate league in a country where he’s a nobody instead of making more money to play in a better league in a country where soccer is the top sport. You’re going to be bent because last season dude helped lead you to the worst record in the league and now he’s going to be mailing it in and you’re going to suck again while still having to pay him ridiculous jack. Let the good times roll…….
- The new action/crime flick "The International" isn’t a bad movie…..but it’s also not a good movie. It’s basically a paint-by-the-numbers “drama” that’s predictable and neither soars nor bombs out, 118 minutes of mediocrity about the cutthroat world of international banking and crime. All sorts of interesting things are going on, ranging from the trading of Chinese arms to Syria and Iran, the funding of Congolese rebels, fraud, money laundering and murder. All of this is done by one corrupt multinational bank, dudes in tailored pinstripe suits with no scruples. Oddly enough, the title doesn’t specifically tie into any one thing in the movie, so it could refer to Interpol agent Louis Salinger (Clive Owen), to the international banking system that’s the setting for the plot or any number of things. One humorous side note is that the bank in the movie is called "IBBC," a conspicuous echo of BCCI, which is the backwards acronym for the Bank of Commerce and Credit International that was busted on criminal wrongdoing in 1991. Salinger is tasked to take on a ginormous, faceless, amorphous evil entity that is apparently a) global, b) diverse and c) really, really sinister. He’s told that the IBBC is "everybody," from Hezbollah to the EU, the Mafia to the U.S. government. There are all of the usual action movie clichés as Salinger pursues justice: sources snuffed out by snipers before they can tell what they know, evil lawyers protecting the wrongdoers and the requisite dismissive, arrogant executives denying that anything amiss is going on. There are plenty of big, shiny, modern buildings in places like France, Italy, Germany and Luxembourg to impress us. Too bad the movie is so American in mood and attitude despite its European setting. The dialogue is often stilted, contrived and unnatural, like some self-styled proverb that the writers intend to be profound but which just falls flat. That Naomi Watts spends a significant amount of time on screen is a nice bonus, but neither she nor Owen deliver a knockout performance by any stretch of the imagination. Watts looks good on screen, whether it’s after a harrowing car chase or following back-to-back trans-Atlantic flights. Bottom line here is that you’ll know the ending well before it comes and the ride getting there isn’t nearly exciting enough to warrant your $10, so go see something else and wait for this thing to come out on DVD, then burn a copy after borrowing it from someone, er, rent it from your local video proprietor…….
- See, this is why I never, ever, ever go strolling through cemeteries. They’re creepy, they’re scary and oh yeah, you might just stumble into a buried chamber. An unidentified woman who was walking through the Granary cemetery in Boston on Jan. 31 fell 3 feet into a hole that opened up beneath her, tumbling into a vault measuring about 8 feet by 12 feet. The vault, which was sealed, is estimated to be about 350 years old, according to Mary Hines, a spokeswoman for the Historic Burial Grounds Initiative. It’s not the first time rumors of a secret vault lurking beneath the streets of Boston have been discussed, but this time the rumors are true. Nothing like being a tourist traipsing through a cemetery (who the heck wants to cruise cemeteries on vacation?) and falling into a hole where there’s a staircase leading down into an undiscovered vault up. And yes, I realize that the Granary is the final resting place of several notable figures from the city’s history, including Samuel Adams, John Hancock, Paul Revere and five victims of the Boston Massacre, but that doesn’t mean I want to visit it. Adams, Hancock and Revere aren’t there; it’s just their decayed remains. If I’m not having a conversation with a historical figure, I’m not interested. A structural engineer examined this new discovery and decided that the staircase had been decaying for years and finally gave in when the woman stepped on it. Not surprisingly, the discovery has helped create quite a buzz about the Granary and brought in scores of curious losers with nothing better to do than check out secret chambers in city cemeteries. Even more disturbing is that there are actually 14 historical burial grounds in the city, one good reason I’m not planning to live in Boston any time soon…….
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