Friday, February 13, 2009

Looking for a felon for your NFL team, looking for silver linings in the Chris Brown saga and how red and blue may affect you

- Psychology has always been fascinating to me, learning about the various factors that influence how we feel, think and live, often without us even realizing it. All sorts of environmental factors can influence people in profound ways, things like the color you put on your walls or the screen on your computer. Colors were at the center of a new study by researchers at the University of British Columbia who found that the color red can make people’s work more accurate, and blue can make people more creative. The study was published on the Web site of the journal Science, with its findings based on tests conducted with 600 people to determine whether cognitive performance varied when they saw red or blue. Study participants performed various tasks with words or images displayed against red, blue or neutral backgrounds on computer screens. Those who did their tasks with red backgrounds were more successful on tests of recall and attention to detail, like remembering words or checking spelling and punctuation. Conversely, the blue groups were much better when it came to tests requiring imagination, like inventing creative uses for a brick or creating toys from shapes. “If you’re talking about wanting enhanced memory for something like proofreading skills, then a red color should be used,” said Juliet Zhu, an assistant professor of marketing at the business school at the University of British Columbia and one of the co-leaders of the study. These findings should be of interest not only to scientists who have long debated whether color can color performance or emotion, but also to advertisers, sports teams and restaurateurs. At least one athletic program clearly believes in the impact of colors on mood and performance: the University of Iowa. For many years now, the UI football team has painted the walls in the visiting locker room at Kinnick Stadium pink, theoretically to bring down opponents and make them feel less aggressive. The fact that the Hawkeyes get their asses kicked on an annual basis and never finish any higher than the middle of the pack in the Big Ten would indicate that the pink walls don’t have a huge impact, but this study could provide evidence to the contrary. A study of the 2004 Summer Olympics by anthropologists at Durham University in England found that boxing, wrestling and martial arts competitors in red gear defeated evenly matched opponents wearing blue gear 60 percent of the time, suggesting that red could affect perceptions of judges and referees as to who is the dominant competitor. Another study, conducted at the University of Rochester, found that men considered women shown in photographs with red backgrounds or wearing red shirts more attractive than women with other colors. Experts say that these effects may be due to the moods the colors affect in people, although the study in British Columbia didn’t account for cultural influences on color, such as countries like China, where red symbolizes prosperity and luck. Do with it what you will, but for my money, seems like red is the color you want to wear, paint with and slam on your computer’s desktop, because it makes you more attractive, more focused and more likely to win a match in an Olympic combat event……..

- Where some people see a bad situation, I like to try and find the silver lining. That’s just me, a guy who is always thinking positive and looking for the best in a terrible situation. So while I absolutely can’t condone an alleged case of domestic violence by anyone, including singer Chris Brown, I have found some great news in the aftermath of the allegations against him. As you probably know, Brown is dating pop singer Rihanna, although it hasn’t been made clear what, if any, involvement she has in the altercation that led to Brown’s arrest. The positive to be drawn from this is that because of the incident, Rihanna has canceled not one, not two, but three scheduled concerts. If you’ve ever heard the garbage this chick calls music, then you know why canceling one of her shows is so great. She manages to weave some of the worst elements of pop, dap, R&B and reggae into a singularly abysmal mix, so ear-assaultingly bad that she should be paying people money to listen to her. Because of the allegations against Brown, Rihanna first axed her scheduled performance at the Grammys on Sunday. Then on Tuesday, she pulled the plug on a concert in Malaysia, followed by a cancellation of today’s scheduled show in Jakarta. The promoter for the show wasn’t coy about explaining why the show was canceled, saying it was due to "an assault case involving Rihanna's boyfriend.” The cancellation marks the second amazingly fortuitous break for the people of Malaysia, who have now managed to dodge two Rihanna concerts in the span of about four months. Back in November, the show didn't go on after the Australian government issued a travel warning in the wake of the executions of the three men convicted of the 2002 Bali bombings. Whatever it takes to postpone a Rihanna show, I always say……..

- I know that a lot of people have been busy ripping Nadya Suleman, a.k.s. the Octuplet Mom, but to be honest, she’s not important enough for me to rush when it comes to commenting on her idiotic act. I’m not sure what’s more offensive; that this wench was looking to get knocked up again when she already had six kids she couldn’t afford to support, or the fact that she has now set up the Nadya Suleman Family Web Site has been set up to collect donations for the children. Seriously? Why should anyone feel bad for you or give a single cent to help you out? What kind of stupid b’otch gets pregnant when she’s a) unemployed, b) has six kids and c) can’t afford to support the ones she already has? That might be the single most selfish act in the history of mankind, I kid you not. It’s not good for the kids you already have, because you know they’re already not getting what they need in terms of food, clothing, etc. It’s bad for the kid(s) you have next, because they’re entering a crappy situation with a mom whose IQ and bank account are both hovering precariously close to zero. It’s bad for society, because they’re the ones who will shoulder the burden of supporting these kids through welfare when their jobless mom can’t get it done. The only - ONLY - person who benefits is the mom because she so badly wants more kids. Look, I know that you couldn’t have expected eight babies when you set off to get pregnant for a seventh time, but the thing is, even one kid (which would obviously be the bare minimum) on top of what you had already was too much. Did you not realize that you were caring for your six other children with the help of $490 a month in food stamps, plus Social Security disability payments for three of them? Did you not understand that California's taxpayers, those who do actually bother to have jobs and not just sit around getting knocked up, would have to step up and shoulder much of the financial burden of your 14 children when you inevitably failed to come through? Yeah, because setting up a website looking to leech money from others is a great plan to care for your kids. Plus, I’m sure that Medi-Cal, the state's Medicaid program, can really afford to pay for the seven to 12 weeks of care of the premature babies for which the hospital is requesting reimbursement. Normally I’m the last person to say that anyone but you has the right to tell you what to do with your life and your body, but in this case I’m making an exception and agreeing with those demanding that Suleman be sterilized. Clearly this woman cannot help herself and would probably have a couple of dozen kids if she could, so step in and do what she’s unwilling or unable to do: stop her from adding to the 14 she now has……….

- See what happens when you pit a wealthy, egotistical, gangsta rapper against a pompous, egotistical, self-promoting county sheriff? The match in question is rapper DMX, in prison in Maricopa County, Arizona on felony drug possession and posing-as-someone-else-and-running-up-a-$7,500-hospital-bill charges, and legendarily arrogant Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio. You may recall Arpaio recently inked a deal with Fox Reality Channel for a show called "Smile: You're Under Arrest,” in which he uses elaborately staged ruses to lure in and arrest suspects. Clearly, DMX has issues with authority (nothing wrong with that), because he reportedly refused to report for work on the prison work crew he has been assigned to and when deputies insisted that he fall in line, X became verbally abusive, telling deputies “I already have a job and don’t need this (expletive).” He obviously felt that these deputies were disrespecting him by refusing to give him preferential treatment and expecting him to act like any other con, so he decided not to show up for his medication and also told officers he “might assault somebody to get some respect.” Interesting, and normally you’d be right, just not here. It is true that in prison, you want to find the biggest, baddest dude on your cell block on the very first day you’re there and jack him up to show everyone not to mess with you, but that adage doesn’t apply to those running the prison. You jack them up (or threaten to) and not only will you not get more respect, you’ll get more time in the hole. Or in the case of DMX, you’ll get Sheriff Joe Arpaio placing you on lockdown by sheriff’s deputies and putting you on a diet of only receive bread and water.” DMX will be treated like any other prisoner in my jail and I will not tolerate him threatening my staff,” Arpaio declared while preening for the cameras. Part of me thinks Arpaio probably was pissed by DMX’s actions, but part of me thinks he was secretly happy because it gave him another chance to shove his face in front of cameras and microphones……..

- I’m trying to find a suitable analogy for what it would be like trying to trade Michael Vick, but there just aren’t that many parallels to trying to trade a convicted dog killer/dog fighter/dog fighting ring operator with marginal NFL quarterbacking skills and immense athletic ability being released from prison and having every dog lover and animal rights organization for thousands of miles screaming for his head on a pike. Let’s just say I don’t envy Atlanta Falcons general manager Thomas Dimitroff, who admitted today on the team's Web site that the Falcons have decided to trade the rights to Vick. The quarterback remains suspended by the NFL and even after he exits the halfway house he’ll likely be headed to following his release from federal prison in Leavenworth, Kan., there is no guarantee when the NFL will reinstate him. “With regards to Michael Vick, we've decided to seek a trade of his contractual rights to another NFL club," Dimitroff said on AtlantaFalcons.com. "We took a number of steps in the 2008 season, including using our first pick to draft a quarterback. We feel a trade is the best move for the Falcons, and it's also in the best interest of Michael.” Allow me to translate from Gm-ese: We drafted a quarterback who is a thousand times better than Vick without any of the baggage. “Our fans would kill us if we brought this guy back, he’d be a remind of a terrible era for this team and he can just go somewhere else and be someone else’s headache. At this point, we’d take a microwave, an annual subscription to Rolling Stone and a case of Funjuns in return for him.”
Of course, none of this talk is relevant until Vick is released from that stint at the federal pen in Kansas and does his time at a halfway house in his hometown of Newport News, Va. As of now, he is scheduled for release from Leavenworth on July 20, but that’s subject to change. Vick’s contract with the Falcons currently runs to 2013 and calls for him to receive a base salary of $9 million and a bonus of $6.43 million in 2009. Guess the Falcons aren’t eager to pay out the remaining $45.11 million on the deal when they already have their quarterback of the present and future in Matt Ryan. Because Vick is still under suspension by the NFL, the Falcons can’t have official trade talks with other teams, but Dimitroff admits that “we think some teams might be interested in exploring a trade.” You heard that, fans of the NFL’s 31 other teams, a convicted felon fresh out of the can and nowhere near football shape could be bringing his dog-murdering, gambling act to your town, good times………….

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