Calling Bernie Sanders a Nazi, Sex Pistol v. pork chop and Venezuelan political hijinks

- Venezuelan despot/Presidente Nicolas Maduro is at it again. The tyrannical leader routinely tramples the basic rights and freedoms of those around and beneath his iron-fisted rule, so the real question is not if, but when he’ll be abusing his power next. The latest target is Venezuela's biggest businessman, who has probably done nothing wrong in this particular situation other than offending his think-skinned leader, but is nonetheless facing presidential calls for prosecution of for allegedly conspiring to destabilize Maduro’s  socialist government. Lorenzo Mendoza is president of the Empresas Polar conglomerate that is the nation's largest food supplier and his life became much more complicated last week when state (i.e. sympathetic to Maduro) TV aired a phone conversation of Mendoza with a Harvard University professor who suggested the oil-rich nation needs a $40 billion International Monetary Fund bailout to pull out of a worsening fiscal crisis marked by triple-digit inflation and major economy shrinkage. That economist, Venezuelan Ricardo Hausmann, pointed to an estimated 10 percent shrinking of the Venezuelan economy this year and that’s a sore spot for the Maduro regime. In response, the dictator whined to the same state TV station that Mendoza seemed to be speaking on behalf of the government and conspiring with its opponents. In a very logical response, Mendoza explained that he regularly speaks to economists across the political spectrum. He boldly went on to accuse the government of violating his privacy, which is a great way to encourage the Maduro regime to violate much more than privacy………

- Professional athletes getting paid for doing nothing more than running on underwater treadmills and receiving electrical stimulation in a physical therapist’s office is nothing new. Athletes signing multimillion dollar deals, then getting hurt and rehabbing is a way of life in pro sports, but the way Cleveland Browns cornerback Ifo Ekpre-Olomu collected $3 million on Monday was a new twist on the idea. Ekpre-Olomu, then a cornerback for the University of Oregon, tore his ACL in practice two weeks before the college football semifinal playoff game at the Rose Bowl against Florida State. As a result, a player projected to be picked among the top 12 in the first round of the NFL draft slipped to the seventh round. The good news for Ekpre-Olomu is that he bought a loss of value insurance policy prior to his senior season. The policy insures the player if he slips in the draft and means that he receives a payment of half the value of what he would have gotten had he not gotten hurt and therefore been picked higher in the draft. The first team All-America cornerback, who revealed soon after the draft that he had also dislocated his knee and is expected to miss the entire 2015 season for the Browns, cashed in on his policy this week with a $3 million payment because he lost at least 50 percent of his value. Loss of value policies are attached to permanent disability policies and they’re nothing new. In this case, Ekpre-Olomu will collect $3 million, but he can still play the “What if?” game because his injury still cost him about $4 million as a likely top-12 pick……….

- Mission successful, Texas State Rep. Jason Villalba, R-Dallas. Before last week, no one knew or gave a damn who Texas State Rep. Jason Villalba, R-Dallas was. This week, pretty much no one cares, but at least we all know who you are. You’re that ass hat who felt the need to weigh in on the Democratic presidential race by tweeting that, "Bernie Sanders admits he is a Democratic Socialist. … Nazis were Democratic Socialists." Uh-oh. Nothing says, “Hey world, look at me!” quite like a misplaced Nazi analogy. The obvious question here is why a lowly, anonymous state representative from Texas felt the need to weigh in on the Democratic presidential race. The next person who can explain why Villalba’s opinion on this - or any other - topic not pertaining to what he puts on his turkey sammitches and how to govern his district is relevant will be the first. Villalba’s ill-fated rant began during the first Democratic presidential debate. "The modern Democrat Party is filled with Democratic Socialists and soft socialists. Is this where we are in America?" Villalba tweeted. He went on to post an image of what looked like an old document stating: "That awkward moment when … 1) Bernie Sanders admits he is a Democratic Socialist. 2) Nazis were Democratic Socialists 3) America fought an entire World War to stop the advance of Democratic Socialists. Sincerely, Sane Americans." Oh, you posted that on behalf of sane Americans? It’s all good then, J-Money. Villalba later claimed the meme was one he found online and that he “absolutely (was) not” trying to link Sanders and Adolf Hitler’s Nazi Party. Sorry my man, but that’s exactly what you did. Rather than deny it, own it because it’s the only reason anyone outside your district knows your name……….

- Punk rockers are supposed to be wild, crazy badasses who can drink like they have four livers and snort drugs like a Shop Vac. They’re not supposed to be terrified of something lurking inside the well-lit confines of the refrigerated cases at the deli counter in their local butcher shop. John Lydon doesn’t seem to subscribe to this theory, otherwise he wouldn’t be sharing the revelation that he’s deadly afraid of pork chops. The former Sex Pistols frontman says he "can't go near a pork chop" because of a lifelong phobia of the meat product based on a serious case of meningitis during his childhood. "I caught meningitis at seven. I went into a coma for three months and stayed for much of a year," Lydon said. "I'd had a pork chop the night before I was hospitalized and I've associated pork chops with illness to this day." The power of association is a strong and dangerous thing and yet, the idea of fans being able to badly rattle one of the most iconic frontmen and biggest wild men in punk rock not by doing anything outlandish, but by hurling a freshly cut hunk of pork at the stage during a show, is hilarious. Yet even through he can’t "go near a pork chop" now, Lydon isn't entirely terrified of all pork products. He added that "nothing will keep me away from my smoky bacon,” which makes sense because no matter your nationality or rock star status, there is no day in the world that cannot be made better by the magical, mystical and salty power of a slice of bacon……..

Ethiopia goes high-speed rail, NBA Slip-N-Slide fun and Drake wants to act again

- Fugitive sex must be pretty damn amazing if two people are willing to ignore police during a standoff so they can get their freak one last time before one of them is hauled off to jail. Either that or Ryan Patrick Bautista and his lady, Leanne Hunn, are just two incredibly stupid human beings who prolonged a standoff with Jacksonville police to have one final romp between the sheets. According to police, they responded to a Jacksonville mobile home in search of Bautista, who was wanted on several warrants. He and Hunn were holed up in the mobile home and because, well, white trash, they refused to come out when police commanded them to. Instead, a standoff ensued and for a short time, police were in contact with the couple. At some point, communications broke down and officers were unable to make contact with Bautista and Hunn for about 45 minutes. Negotiators were eventually able to get Hunn on the phone and she told them that she would eventually surrender, but first she wanted to have sex with Bautista "one last time." Eventually, a SWAT team and its own negotiators arrived on the scene and from there, it didn’t take police long to bring the standoff to an end. Both suspects were arrested and charged with resisting arrest and false imprisonment, but hopefully wherever they are eventually imprisoned, conjugal visits are allowed. Given these two’s recent track record, they don’t do well when deprived of one another’s physical company……….

- Amazingly, there are people out there with the good sense to want nothing to do with the entertainment stylings of Drake. Who those people are is unclear, but what we know is that the wildly overrated sorta-rapper wants to start acting again, but Hollywood is giving him the cold shoulder that the music world has sadly never discovered. After breaking into the entertainment world in the Canadian teen drama “Degrassi: The Next Generation,” Drake grew out of the show and well, let’s allow him to tell his version of the story in which he was (allegedly) kicked off the show because he was spending too much time on his rap career. "Eventually, they realized I was juggling two professions and told me I had to choose. I chose this life," he whined. But when someone becomes extremely successful in one aspect of the entertainment - or even sports - world, they inevitably want to branch out and prove they’re not one-dimensional. Thus, Drake’s desire to build on his forgettable cameo in the even more forgettable “Anchorman 2.” "I can’t wait to get back into acting,” he said of his future plans. “No one ever asks me to do movies, and, although music is my focal point now, I’d love to do a film." Hear that, world? Drake still wants to spend most of his time dissing Meek Mill and hanging with Serena Williams, but when he has a free moment or two, he would like you to throw some choice movie and television roles his way. Just don’t tell him he has to choose between the two worlds because he doesn’t want to hear it and he’ll just whine a lot if he doesn’t get what he wants………..

- The fact that sub-Saharan Africa is just now getting its first urban metro service is both awesome and sad. Such services exist in the northern portion of the continent, but those living in some of the world’s poorest nations have been denied a cheap, fast way to move around their cities when the truth is that few need such a service more. That’s changed in Addis Ababa, a city of over 4 million people, which has finally moved past mini vans as its primary method of business travel. Ethiopia's capital now offers the $475 million Light Rail Project, a joint venture between Ethiopia and China and the first of its kind for the city. Set aside for a moment the shivers that go down your spine on account of China’s involvement and focus on the fact that this project is set to transform the way people in get to work. "There has been a lot of positive economic development in the last 20 years," Dr Getachew Betru, CEO of Ethiopian Railways Corporation. "You would not imagine to have that in a sub-Saharan city.” The primary focus of the service is taking 60,000 people who live in the suburbs and bringing them towards the center of the city so they can get to work. There are  two lines that connect the east and west and north and south and tickets cost a mere 6 bir, around $0.27. The rail line runs between 6 a.m. and midnight and everyone involved seems genuinely fired up. "It's really exciting" says Behailu Sintayehu, Manager of the Light Rail Project. "Recalling the situation 3 years ago, it didn't feel like it would happen like this. We are in a hurry to open up the other line as soon as possible." This enviro-friendly project uses energy generated from big dams located all over the country: "We do not share the power from the city of Addis and also we will not have continuous interruptions or power shortage problems," Sintayehu noted. The light rail system is still progressing toward completion and will eventually connect with the national train system of Ethiopia. By 2025, there will be 5,000 kilometers of track across the whole of the country. The eventual goal is to connect not only Ethiopia, but to link the country with Djibouti, Sudan and Gabon………..

- Preseason games in virtually any sport are worthless. They don’t count in the standings, their stats are cast aside instantly and players only want to make it through them without getting injured. Fans get gouged for regular-season ticket prices at these exhibition contests and season ticket holders are often forced to buy preseason tickets as part of their package. Bearing all of that in mind, is it too much to ask that the NBA not allow its exhibition games to turn into a giant Slip-N-Slide on the hardwood? Enter the Los Angeles Lakers and Golden State Warriors, who played less than 75 percent of what vaguely resembled an NBA game at the Valley View Casino Center before the contest was called off late in the third quarter because of poor conditions on the court, with players from both teams continually slipping on wet spots. "It was bad. I don't know why we played that game. It was dangerous,” Warriors center Marreese Speights said. The tipping point game with 2:16 left in the third quarter after Warriors guard Leandro Barbosa slipped on the court and finally admitting that there was far too big a risk to players’ health to continue, officials discontinued the game. The Lakers led 85-70, but Lakers coach Byron Scott wasn’t exactly broken up about the game being called off after he spoke with Warriors interim coach Luke Walton and agreed the game should end immediately.  "It seemed to be on that left side of the court in front of our bench was the worst. "One time we were running, I was holding my breath a little bit," Walton said. Players on both sides said they told their coaches that they were playing cautiously because they were afraid of getting hurt and if there’s anything worse than NBAers who make seven or eight figures annually sleepwalking through a game they don’t really care about, it’s those players dialing it down even further so they don’t blow out their knee or go skidding into the scorer’s table after hydroplaning at midcourt in pursuit of a loose ball. Stick to actual NBA arenas with legit playing surfaces and maybe next time your game won't requite floaties, water wings and non-slip shoes, NBA………..

P.O.D. and their pal Katy Perry, pot-loving TSA agents and Thai lotto/common-law-wife/love child drama

- How does a man win the lottery and still lose big? You roll the way Thammarong Keawsuanjik rolled when he won nearly $1 million in a Thai lottery. Keawsuanjik had himself a day when he won the 30 million baht ($857,000) prize and for a clothing store security guard in northeastern Thailand, that’s a massive sum. Winning that money can change a person’s life and that’s precisely what Keawsuanjik had in mind when he surveyed his existence and tried to figure out what he wanted to do with the golden opportunity life had given him. The first step was shaking free of the unsightly hag with whom he was currently involved. Yes, Keawsuanjik decided to break up the woman with whom he was living, who also happened to be the mother of his son. Better still, he broke her off via text message just a few weeks after winning the lottery. The woman, Saowanee Thongwiset, received a text message from Thammarong saying, "Let's break up.” That was bitter news for Thongwiset, who not only saw the man she loved walk out the door, but saw that man take nearly $1 million with him. What’s a scorned woman to do? How about sue her now-former lover for child support in the amount of 10 million baht ($286,000), one-third of that her common law husband won. Her lawyer, Theerapon Pochanukul, claims that the couple cashed the winnings together at a local bank and deposited the money in the man's account. A few days later, Keawsuanjik transferred 700,000 baht ($20,000) into the accounts of the wife and their son, which is being maintained by the mother. Somewhere along the way, he did an about-face and bought land with the money, land upon which he is now building a house. In addition to wanting to get paid, Thongwiset also wants the Juvenile and Family Court to make the man register their baby as his lawful son. In the ultimate “F*ck you” moment, Keawsuanjik has now suggested that he might actually counter-sue for custody of the 8-month-old baby he was perfectly willing to walk out on a few weeks ago……..

- Should have gone to the University of Montana or Idaho State, Benjamin Knox and Lamar Robbins. The two University of South Florida football players have been arrested and suspended from team activities for allegedly firing a gun on campus and while such antics might be easier to explain at schools located in über-rural, bear-infested states, maybe you just want to Glock-down and not squeeze off a few rounds regardless of your setting. Police arrested Robbins after an investigation into the Oct. 11 arrest of Knox, a freshman reserve offensive lineman. According to the long arm of the law, Knox fired a gun at a dorm on the campus near Tampa and in the process, he may or may not have passed his piece to his teammate to join in on the fun. That’s not the story these two knuckleheads told police that night, according to police, who said a statement that they spoke with Robbins early in the investigation and he gave false information. Amazingly, this future Mensa didn’t spin a convincing enough tale and following further investigation, Robbins was charged with discharging a weapon on campus, a second-degree felony, and giving false information to a law enforcement officer. "They will remain so as we continue to gather more information through the proper authorities," the university’s athletic department said of the two’ players suspended status. "We cannot state strongly enough our commitment to the values of our institution and that any behavior inconsistent with those will not be tolerated." Yes, schools rarely tolerate bench players and third stingers doing stupid sh*t like this. Now, if these two were All-Americans and future first-round NFL draft picks……….

- Why can't the just chill out, pack a bowl and relax man? Why does The Man need to be so harsh on former TSA officer Deondre Smith, who has been charged with counts of conspiracy to distribute marijuana and bribery of a public official for allegedly accepting bribes to allow checked bags filled with marijuana to pass through security checkpoints at Los Angeles International Airport. The South Los Angeles resident allegedly accepted at least $500 to make sure checked baggage filled with marijuana pass through screening checkpoints at the airport, according to the indictment, which is disappointing because he should have asked for some of that quality dank as payment instead of cash. In this scam of which Smith was a small, yet important piece, the bags of ganja were flown to Charlotte Douglas International Airport in North Carolina and from there, they were distributed for sale on the street. According to the U.S. Attorney’s Office, there were at least nine incidents over a two-year period where Smith allowed marijuana to pass through security. “Knowing that the luggage contained marijuana, Smith would temporarily take possession of the luggage from the other co-conspirators and either personally escort the luggage through LAX baggage screen checkpoints, or deliver the luggage to make sure the baggage containing marijuana passed through security,” the indictment said. U.S. Attorney Eileen M. Decker, putting on her judging pants, was all too ready to drop the hammer on Smith. “I expect all federal employees to meet the high standards of ethical behavior. Any acceptance of bribes to influence official conduct will not be tolerated,” Decker said of Smith, who is facing a maximum 5-year sentence for drug trafficking conspiracy and a maximum 15-year sentence for the bribery count. All in the name of helping stoners get their hands on some decent lettuce……….

- They’re quite an odd pair. On the one hand, you have dreadlocked, heavily tattooed Christian metal band P.O.D. and on the other, the quintessential fabricated, stylized and overproduced pop singer, Katy Perry. It just feels weird to have P.O.D. rushing to defend Perry, i.e. Katy Hudson, amidst the “revelation” that the band used her as a backing vocalist back in the day before she sold out and became a label creation who combined limited musical ability with the best professional songwriting and marketing money could buy. For some reason, Perry's forgotten cameo on P.O.D.’s 2005 track “Goodbye for Now” is suddenly a thing and the footage of her appearing in a supporting capacity during the band’s appearance on “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” is viral. Perry, who previously had an underwhelming early career in Christian music before going mainstream pop, has been labeled as a former backup singer for P.O.D. and the band is having none of it. "This is revisionist history and disrespectful to our girl Katy who was NEVER a back-up singer,” the band said in a statement making unnecessary use of the CAPS LOCK key on its keyboard. “We invited her to participate on our record as she was and is still is one of the few pop artists with strong musicianship roots… She paid her dues not as a back-up singer but in a van going town to town.” The funny thing is that the quality of Perry’s pop music rates on a level for which she should still be traversing America in a jam-packed conversion van, playing in dive bars for crowds numbering in the dozens. But as always, there is no explaining musical taste………

Bitter Sammy Watkins, murderous Christian zealots and "Homeland" racism graffiti

- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Kosovo’s government and its people don’t seem to be on the same page right now and there is no clearer, more vivid illustration of this fact than Kosovo Prime Minister Isa Mustafa proclaiming that his cabinet is determined to continue EU-mediated talks with Serbia despite violent opposition protests that have only grown in venom and intensity in recent days. The opposition has gone directly at Mustafa in the form of hurling both tear gas canisters and eggs at Mustafa at the Parliament, proving that while they want to bring tears to his eyes, they also want to provide protein for the target of their ire. The opposition has demanded that the government withdraw from its deals with Serbia on giving more powers to the Serb-dominated areas and on border demarcation with Montenegro. A defiant Mustafa responded by calling on the opposition to renounce "ultimatum demands" and join efforts in Kosovo's state-building process. That seems a bit delusional given the vitriol being spewed by those on the other side of this fight, but then again, getting everyone on the same page hasn’t really been Kosovo’s modus operandi ever since it unilaterally declared independence in 2008. Serbia still refuses to recognize Kosovo as a nation even though most leading European countries as well as the United States have exchanged diplomats with Kosovo. How can a nation possibly hope to be legitimate on the global stage if it has such internal dissent and cannot convince a large chunk of the country to get on board with the government’s vision for the future………

- There are fans, critics and Internet trolls who study the most minute details of hit TV shows far too intensely. They break down fictional events on scripted shows as if they were real, speculate about what certain characters will do next season and obsess over the true meaning of events and words that are completely made-up and meaningless. As it turns out, sometimes those items of minutiae can have actual meaning beyond a sound stage and HBO’s hit drama “Homeland” proves that point. Enter graffiti artists Heba Amin, Caram Kapp and Stone, who were hired to decorate the set of the hit series by painting Arabic script on the walls of a fictional Syrian refugee camp to add "authenticity" to a scene. It seemed like a smart touch by producers and it might have been if they’d had the foresight to ask what was being painted or perhaps had someone who could read Arabic examine the tags painted on the walls once the artists were done. Instead, the artists got over by hiding subversive messages accusing the show of racism and a few viewers with sharp eyes caught the communication. "Given the series' reputation, we were not easily convinced, until we considered what a moment of intervention could relay about our own and many others’ political discontent with the series. It was our moment to make our point by subverting the message using the show itself,” the artists said in a statement. "The content of what was written on the walls... was of no concern. “Homeland” has taken heat in previous seasons based on its alleged negative portrayal of Muslims and the Middle East as a whole and Amin said he and his cohorts believe the show “perpetuates dangerous stereotypes by diminishing an entire region into a farce.” Next time, read the graffiti before you put it on air, HBO……….

- And many Christians wonder why the world has a negative view of them as a whole. While it’s obvious that a small number of delusional kooks can spoil the image of an entire group, it’s hard to argue in favor of a particular faith when you have a group of zealots turning counseling session on the spiritual state of two brothers into a fatal beatdown that left one brother in the morgue and another hospitalized. Let’s check in at Word of Life Christian Church in New Hartford, New York, where Lucas Leonard and his 17-year-old brother Christopher were having a few issues in their relationship. Why their church felt the need to get violently involved is unclear, but the congregation held what New Hartford Police Chief Michael Inserra called a "counseling session" for the two brothers. The ringleaders for this circus of carnage was the brothers’ parents, Bruce T. Leonard and Deborah R. Leonard, who now face one count each of first-degree manslaughter, a Class B felony, for Lucas’ death after being violently beaten by church members. Take it away, Chief Inserra. "Both brothers were continually subjected to physical punishment over the course of several hours in the hopes that each would confess to prior sins and ask for forgiveness," he said. Right, because that always works. Four other church members were charged with second-degree assault, also a felony, while Lucas Leonard was rushed to the hospital, where he was pronounced dead with multiple contusions from blunt force trauma to the torso and extremities. His younger brother was hospitalized in serious condition after suffering blunt force trauma injuries as well following the Sunday night service at the church, which is located about 250 miles north of New York City. It’s awesome that people who would say they’re all about the love of Christ didn’t stop pummeling a young man until they realized he had stopped breathing. Oh, and those involved also initially told police that Lucas Leonard had been shot and officers only learned of the assaults after interviewing church members. Go ahead and find a Bible passage to justify this mess, you ass hats………

- Buffalo Bills wide receiver Sammy Watkins is bitter and his ego is hurting. The No. 4 overall pick in the 2014 NFL draft has been sidelined since suffering a calf injury in the first quarter of the Bills' Sept. 27 win over the Miami Dolphins, but not being able to help his team on the field hasn’t kept the dreadlocked deep threat from throwing haymakers at it. Watkins believes the team doesn’t throw him the ball enough and admitted that he and his agent told the team that they were making him "look bad.” Sounding very much like a typical diva receiver, Watkins laid out his case for more targets in the passing game.  "I need the ball at least 10 times -- I need 10 targets -- and I'll be fine with however many yards I get," Watkins said. "And that's what I addressed in talking with my agent. We reached out to a couple people and tried to pull some string like, 'Hey, I need my targets. You came up to draft me and I'm not getting targets -- that's a problem.'” That last part was an allusion to the Bills trading the No. 9 overall pick in 2014 and their 2015 first-round pick to the Cleveland Browns to move up five spots to select Watkins. "'You're making me look bad, and you're making yourself look bad. Why not make both of us look good?'" Watkins added. Further underscoring tensions between the two sides, Watkins insisted he wants to return to the field Sunday, but coach Rex Ryan reiterated that it's not Watkins' decision to make. Watkins chooses to ignore the fact that he was targeted 10 times in the two games before his injury, tied with Percy Harvin and Charles Clay as the most on the team. Apparently the offense needs to revolve completely around Sammy Watkins or else he’s not going to be happy…………

"Back to the Future 4," Periscope + drunk chicks and Russia tries to betray itself

- Baseball’s insistence on remaining stuck in the 1940s is no longer amusing. For a while, the sport could hang onto the fact that it was built on tradition and a sort of throwback to a kinder, gentler time in America. That era has been on life support for some time, but it officially died Wednesday night due to a very large splinter directly to its heart. The idea of a “code” by which players must live is both infuriating and delusional, as the so-called code isn't even fully understood by even those who claim to abide by it and can’t be explained in total by anyone. It governs how players interact, what is or isn't a dirty play, what sorts of cheating are acceptable and so much more. It’s definitely an old-school concept and for a sport that is dying out because its fan base is aging out, Jose Bautista's home run celebration -- The Bat Flip Heard 'Round The World -- after blasting a game-winning moon shot in Game 5 of the American League Division Series was the tipping point. Texas Rangers reliever Sam Dyson served up an absolute meatball that Bautista blasted more than 400 feet, prompting a reaction that was less bat toss and more caber toss and leaving Dyson sounding like a spoiled 8 year old after losing the Little League championship game. "I told him Jose needs to calm that down," Dyson said of his comments to Blue Jays designated hitter Edwin Encarnacion in the next at-bat after Bautista's homer. "Just kind of respect the game a little more. He's a huge role model for the younger generation that's coming up and playing this game. He's doing stuff that kids do in whiffle ball games and backyard baseball.” And the problem is? Baseball needs younger fans, emotion is a bigger part of sports than it has ever been and there shouldn’t be a bench-clearing brawl over a grown man chucking a slice of lumber a few dozen feet to celebrate a massive home run………

- Seriously, Russia? You’re that one friend we all have in college who is literally never sober, yet somehow manages to stumble through life in a drunken stupor and pass enough classes to earn a degree after seven or eight years on campus. Don’t go changing now because you’re worried that you might be a little too dependent on the drinky drinky. The problem here is the Moscow and St. Petersburg city governments, which are reportedly debating a ban on the sale of alcohol once a week in the country's two main cities. Russia, which pours vodka on its breakfast cereal and considers a shot glass to be its beverage container of choice, has to wonder if this could really happen given that both the head of the national consumer protection agency and a top member of the Public Chamber, a Kremlin advisory body seem to support this idiotic idea. Yes, the life expectancy for Russian males born in 2006 is just 61 years, according to a U.N. Development Program report, but does anyone remember to the last Soviet leader who tried to tame alcoholism? That would be Mikhail Gorbachev, whose efforts to impose production limits and raise prices crashed and burned. When communism fell, booze could be bought around-the-clock from kiosks on almost every street and gulped walking down the sidewalk or riding public transit. That sadly changed in 2013, when kiosk sales were banned, alcohol sales at grocery stores cut off from 11 p.m. to 8 a.m. and consumption in public spaces was forbidden. That should have been more than enough, but it clearly wasn’t for St. Petersburg city legislator Andrei Anokhin, who dropped a nuke this week by saying the city council would consider banning alcohol sales for the whole day every Wednesday. That led to his counterparts in Moscow saying they would consider a similar measure and next thing you know, Russians have to consider stockpiling vodka like most people hoard canned goods and batteries ahead of a natural disaster………

- This is why an app like Periscope was invented. While most observers would ramble on about an app needing to be commercially profitable in order to be great, the simple fact is that the invention of one that allows a completely hammered, slurring mess of a human being to live broadcast her drunken drive home and serve up all the evidence police needed to arrest and charge her in the process is what really matters.  Lakeland, Florida resident Whitney Marie Beall is the innovator responsible for showing Periscope what it could be and for giving all of the app’s other users something to aspire to based on her actions over the weekend. In the video, Beal is lost, exasperated and in the mood to let everyone know just how drunk she is. "Where am I right now, people?" she asks in the video. "I have to go home." Home was not her ultimate destination that evening, as police began receiving calls from people who saw her broadcast and were alarmed. "She was out of it. And it's obvious from watching that live-streaming video how bad she was," Lakeland police Sgt. Gary Gross said. When she was finally pulled over, Beall was found to be driving on a flat tire and she reeked of alcohol. She was arrested after she refused a breathalyzer and failed field sobriety tests. Given the very public and very clear evidence against Beall, her attorney wasn’t conceding anything.  "She is a young professional with a bright future. When her court date is set, I will be entering a plea on her behalf of not guilty," attorney Lee Cohen said in a statement. "I'll be investigating the case and that starts now. I am waiting to see all the evidence, and I will take a look at it.” You’re waiting? Why? The rest of the world has already seen the biggest piece of evidence in the case and it’s an ironclad one………

- Much to the surprise of no one, actor Christopher Lloyd is down for a fourth chapter in the “Back to the Future” franchise. Lloyd, who hasn’t exactly been tearing it up with major roles of late and probably doesn’t have a ton of time left in his career, is best known for his role of as Doc Brown in “Back to the Future.” The first film in the series was released in 1985, with sequel “Back to the Future Part II” hitting theaters in 1989, “Part III” dropping in 1990. When asked if he would be willing to accept a nice, fat paycheck for a possible third sequel, Lloyd said that he "would love to do Doc again, no question.” However, he cautioned that it would be tough to revive a cinematic classic. "It's tough to come up with an idea that contains the excitement of the original three," Lloyd said. "So it would be a real challenge for the writers to come up with an original Back To The Future story that has the same passion and intensity and excitement as the other three. But it could be done, you never know.” According to Lloyd, co-star Michael J. Fox would be willing to be part of the project despite Fox’s ongoing battle with Parkinson's disease since 1991. "I think regardless of the Parkinson's, he'd probably jump on the role and he'd be great," Lloyd added. "I can't see doing another sequel without him... It's hard to replace Marty. Michael J Fox was so wonderful in the role." Either that or maybe you let a true classic stand the way it is and don’t ruin it………..

Soccer reclaims its rightful place in America, Maldives espionage fun and Five Finger Death Punch v. Kanye West

- Chain restaurants enrage some people. They hate the idea of heavily processed food made in assembly line fashion, with speed and cost prioritized over quality. That may or may not have been the reason an Alaska woman took off her clothes and put on her inner Hulk this week at a Subway restaurant in Anchorage. What’s clear is that the naked nihilist entered the restaurant on Tudor Road fully clothed at around 5 p.m. and went into the restroom, where she removed all of her clothing and returned to the dining area in a full-on rage. She began to break the furniture, pull down ceiling tiles and throw around the food, tables and chairs in a display that probably would have fit better at an establishment such as Taco Bell with its hazardous-to-your-health-and-fit-to-be-destroyed “food” offerings. Terrified employees called police, who responded to the scene and were able to apprehended the woman and bring an end to her rampage. You may or may not believe this, but officers speculated after arriving on the scene that the naked woman may have been on drugs, perhaps spice. Either that or she simply is not a fan of cheap, quick submarine sandwiches bundled with tiny and wildly overpriced bags of salty snacks and cookies. Oh, and there’s also the chance that she simply realized she lives in a frigid wasteland devoid of sun and warmth for the majority of every single year. Either way, props to this woman for making others’ lives more interesting for a few brilliant minutes………

- Five Finger Death Punch are good people. Ivan Moody’s rock outfit may not be considered among the best bands in rock and roll, but anyone who disses them should hear them out on their views regarding a certain egomaniacal, wildly overrated rapper with a fondness for attention whoring before rendering a final verdict on FFDP. Specifically, check out their recent show in Chester, Pennsylvania, which contained a moment that has to rank as the best and biggest in Moody’s life. There he and his bandmates were, rocking out and getting the crowd moshing when Moody took a moment out of the noise to issue a proclamation that led to hundreds and hundreds of people chanting a statement that is as true and just as any that has ever been uttered. "Let's make one more statement right now: F*ck Kanye West. Yes, I f*cking said it and I don't regret it,” Moody shouted to the crowd. It’s not the first time those words have been uttered and they’ve been totally justified every time, but rarely does someone a) grab a microphone on stage in front of a crowd and say it and b) not have West bum-rush the stage and hijack the mic from them. Moody proceeded to lead a chant of "F*ck Kanye!" before adding, "I'm gonna hear about that tomorrow on Facebook and I really don't give a sh*t." It was the sort of concert we should all aspire to be at and FFDP are the sort of band that we can all rally behind whether we’re fans of their particular brand of rock and roll or not………

- Someone’s feeling a bit oversensitive and paranoid, eh Maldives President Yameen Abdul Gayoom? My man, you’re the leader of a small, weak chain of islands that form a nation most people could not find even with the assistance of Google Maps, so you have to expect that with your lofty position you’re going to be a target for those who either want your throne or feel like you’re not doing a good enough job. Therefore, you can't be acting a fool and firing your defense minister in what is believed to be part of an overhaul after an explosion on your speedboat last month, one officials suspect was an assassination attempt. Gayoom broke off Defense Minister Moosa Ali Jaleel, the president’s spokesman announced in, of all places, a tweet. Hey Yameen, if it’s not too much to ask from the leader of a country, do you think you can let the world know in an official statement rather than one contained in 140 characters on social media? Why not hit that with #yourefire #trytoblowmeupidetonateyourcareer? Best of all, the tweet didn’t give a reason for Jaleel’s firing, which just coincidentally comes amid arrests and transfers in the defense minister that followed the Sept. 28 blast that wounded Gayoom's wife, an official and a bodyguard. The big boom came as Gayoom and his wife were returning by boat from the country's airport to the capital. The airport and capital are on separate islands in the archipelago state. So far, two soldiers have been arrested in conjunction with the bombing, but this (alleged) conspiracy is still being unspooled………

- Hey America, remember when our soccer team was the next big thing on our national sports scene, inspiring World Cup viewing parties attended by thousands? Neither do we. Let’s all just agree to act like those never happened and none of you tried to tell anyone who would listen that the United States was on the verge of becoming a global soccer power. That has never been further from the truth right now following the last three major outings for the U.S. men’s national team. First, there was 2015 CONCACAF Gold Cup semifinal loss to Jamaica. Up next was a Confederations Cup loss to Mexico in which the Americans were thoroughly outplayed. To cap it off, the U.S. dropped a 1-0 decision to lowly Costa Rica in an international friendly played in some place called Harrison, New Jersey. Joel Campbell delivered the dagger that downed the Americans in front of a meager crowd of just 9,214 and let’s just say those hearty soccer souls were not enthusiastically behind embattled U.S. coach Jurgen Klinsmann. Klinsmann was booed when he was announced before the game and the loss didn’t exactly endear him to the fans. Afterward, the wildly overrated coach offered little encouragement about his team’s current state. . "The Saturday night clash with Mexico was still heavy in the air," Klinsmann said. "Heads were full. We were not able to shake this off within two days. It was too much a disappointment but also too much on their shoulders. There are not only sunshine days. We had a lot of sunshine 2012, 2013, 2014. Now it's raining a little bit and you've got to go through that.” Sunshine days? That’s all you have? J., your team is preparing for the kickoff of a new World Cup qualifying campaign in exactly a month and pundits and fans across the United States are calling for your head. Maybe you want to come up with something better than sunshine days before the U.S. is dropping 5-0 decisions to the likes of Trinidad & Tobago……….

Rock stars crying at work, $1,000 pizza delivery tips and Riot Watch! Catalonia

- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! There is literally nothing about Catalonia’s long-running, ongoing flirtation with secession from Spain that isn't a reason for those on either side of the debate to lose their sh*t. Pro- and anti-secession groups have loudly made their respective points on the issue and various legal and electoral steps have been taken in the secession direction, but for now Catalonia remains part of the motherland. The current drama involves the start of a Spanish court investigation into the regional government's staging of a symbolic referendum on secession last year. That development sparked a massive protest in Barcelona by thousands of pro-Catalan independence supporters enraged by the investigation. This wasn’t some ragtag group of renegades, either; new Barcelona mayor Ada Colau headed up the protest and read a statement backing Catalonia's demand for the right to self-determination. Sadly, there were no police cars overturned and set on fire, no storefronts smashed and looted, no Molotov cocktails hurled at police and none of the mayhem that much such gatherings truly epic. Amidst the protesting, a regional official and a former regional deputy president appeared for questioning over their suspected roles in holding the poll. The next man to be questioned is acting regional President Artur Mas over his role in the Nov. 9, 2014, referendum Catalonia held even though Spain's Constitutional Court suspended the vote. Undeterred, about 2.3 million Catalans — out of 5.4 million eligible — voted anyhow, with 80 percent in favor of breaking away from Spain………..

- With all the problems the NFL has - players involved in domestic violence incidents, players driving drunk, former players suffering debilitating effects of concussions sustained during their playing careers, just to name a few - and especially when it comes to players abusing women and showing little contrition until it’s beneficial to do so, wouldn’t it behoove the league to remove its sartorial head from its way-too-tight ass and just let  Pittsburgh Steelers running back DeAngelo Williams think pink? Like most other NFLers, Williams is wearing pink shoes, gloves, wristbands and other uniform accessories this month in honor of breast cancer awareness. Where Williams diverges from the pack is his desire to keep pinking up for the rest of the season because he lost his mother, Sandra Hill, to breast cancer in May 2014. All he wanted was to wear pink shoes or pink wristbands throughout the year, but he was told over the phone by NFL vice president of football operations Troy Vincent that  he would not be allowed to do so. Why? Because the NFL, that’s why. The league that has uniform police who measure the length of towels tucked into players’ waistbands and double-check the height of their socks before games is so wardrobe-repressive that it seems to care more about ensuring that all players’ gear looks the same than it is about eliminating domestic violence from the league. Williams was told  there are no exceptions to the uniform policy and therefore, he cannot honor his mother and those who have lost loved ones to breast cancer. "The same way it made you feel after you heard it -- like, man," Williams said of his reaction to getting the news. "He told me no. I'm assuming they are telling everybody else no as well. ... It wasn't about selling it." Maybe if someone convinced the NFL there was a way to increase its 10-figure annual profit by letting Williams pink it up for the rest of the season………….

- There’s going to be a brawl at the distribution end of the pizza oven at every pie-making shop in Pickerington, Ohio in the event Sycamore Creek Church decides it’s in need of another slab of dough covered in cheap sauce and mozzarella cheese. Normally, pizza delivery drivers are either high school or college students who can’t find a better gig or down-on-their-luck stoners not capable of functioning in a gig more demanding than carrying cheap cardboard boxes filled with greasy food to and from their car and handing said boxes to paying customers, but the motivation to do a largely thankless job tends to go up with a $1,000 tip is the end result. Enter a Domino's driver who showed up to SCC when the Ohio church congregation ordered a pizza during a service. At first, it didn’t seem like a promising stop for the female driver, as it was a $5.99 pizza that seemed likely to elicit a tip of just a few dollars. When the driver arrived,  Rev. Steve Markle brought her onstage and asked her the biggest tip she'd ever received. When the woman said $10 was the largest gratuity anyone had ever given her, Markle responded by giving her more than $1,000 that had been collected for the offering. The reverend explained that the church had been about generosity so the congregation had taken up an offering for her, at which point the driver broke into tears. The theme of the sermon series? "I was Broke. Now I'm Not." The  500 to 600 people who attend SCC every week definitely know how to make an impact on the life of a total stranger, even if it means buying the world’s most expensive pizza……….

- Speaking of crying at work…..Brand New singer Jesse Lacey. Aside from minimum wage-earning pizza delivery drivers who receive $1,000 tips and those who receive news of the death of a loved one or life-altering medical news, people can not cry at work. Lacey, whose Long Island band has hinted that it might release its fifth album this year, had himself a bad night at a show in Nashville, Tennessee over the weekend. After Brand New debuted “Mene,” its first studio recording in six years, back in April, fans began to get excited about the possibility the band’s musical drought ending. That may still happen, but even if it does, the good news train may not roll on for very long. During the Nashville show, a tearful Lacey told the crowd that life has changed for both he and the best and as a result, Brand New’s future was uncertain at best. "I’m gonna have a new daughter. We’ll hopefully have a record for you. I wanna tell you right here and now, this isn’t gonna last much longer, but it’s been so special for so long,” Lacey said. “For as long as it does last, we're so grateful to you all for being here." Hmm, very cryptic and ominous. Lacey described it as their last show "for a while” and playing in Nashville is great end point for a band in virtually any genre, but final show or not, you cannot shed tears on stage unless someone just told you that a loved one died or has a fatal illness or you just got the news that Nickelback is playing the halftime show at next year’s Super Bowl. Crying at work is unacceptable for adults, especially one whose band crafts some pretty angry lyrics…….

Snoop's new reality show = contact high, uniting Cyprus and Medieval Weapons Dork 1, Intruder 0

- Tearful press conference apologies from athletes found to have used performance-enhancing drugs are not a new phenomenon. Tearful press conference apologies from college athletes found to have used performance-enhancing drugs, however, are much less common. Scenes like the one involving Florida Gators quarterback Will Grier just don’t happen because college athletes are much more likely to abuse Keystone Light and cheap ganja than they are to stock up on designer PEDs that will give them an edge on the playing field. Yet here’s Grier, getting suspended for one year for violating NCAA rules and holding a weepy press conference in which he owned his mistake and promised to do better next time.  "I took an over-the-counter supplement that had something in it," Grier said. "I did not check with the medical staff before taking it. I hope that people can learn from this, learn from my mistake. I'm really sorry to everyone, just really sorry." Head coach Jim McElwain announced that Grier had tested positive, which carries an automatic suspension of one calendar year from the NCAA, meaning Grier would not be eligible to return until Florida's seventh game of the 2016 season. He would return as a redshirt sophomore, although McElwain said the school will appeal the suspension. The first-year head coach said he was made aware of Grier's failed test on Sunday and allowed the freshman to address his team during Monday's team meeting before speaking publicly about the suspension. Predictably, the players were largely supportive of their teammates and Grier will continue to practice with the team. "It's something he feels horrible about," McElwain said. "It's an honest mistake, and yet can be prevented by checking with our medical staff.” As always, college is a time to do stupid sh*t and learn from it and at least this mistake didn’t land Grier in a courtroom………

- The miracle of all miracles has happened. World, we’ve finally found the one and only instance when being an absolute dork trained in medieval combat is a good thing. The pioneer proving this point is Karen Dolley, an Indianapolis woman who is getting props for her quick thinking and brave response after fighting off a home intruder and keeping the man subdued until help arrived. Dolley was alone at her home late at night when an intruder snuck into her home. She was asleep when the break-in happened and awoke to the voice of a man inside her home. Armed with the dork-tastic knowledge she had gained hanging out in Loserville with her fellow medieval pals, Dolley went to the living room and instead of panicking or hiding under her bed to call police, she went H.A.M. on the intruder, identified as Jacob Wessel. Using ye olde skills, Dolley overpowered Wessel despite standing a mere 5-foot-6. She attacked, punching him over and over again as he struggled to respond. Dolley was so calm and collected that she even went looking for her gun - medieval gun? - but opened the wrong drawer and ended up pulling out her sword. It’s at this point Dolley needs to take some heat for bastardizing and intermingling her eras of weapons and fighting styles because the sword is not medieval, but rather a Japanese-style weapon called the Ninjato. Sure, Dolley used it to hold Wessel captive in the corner of her bedroom while she dialed 911 and officers soon showed up to apprehend the intruder. Wessel confessed to entering Dolley’s home from her back door and was arrested and hauled off to a holding cell………

- It’s time to answer the ages-old question: Can you get a contact high from a television show? BET aims to answer that question with a new reality series featuring the one and only Snoop Dogg. The man who single-handedly does more for the marijuana industry than anyone outside of the entire state of Colorado will star alongside fellow rappers Birdman and Jermaine Dupri, as well as Jay-Z’s former manager Damon Dash in an as-of-yet untitled, eight-episode series that will begin in Los Angeles next month. “From family to business to their love lives, the series will be packed with drama, laughs and hashtag-worthy one-liners," BET wrote on its website in announcing the show. The show has a relatively simple premise, focusing on the daily lives of its stars, and in the case of Snoop, that daily life includes mountains and mountains of the best dank available. Snoop has done the reality TV thing before, first with “Snoop Dogg’s Father Hood” on E! from 2007-09, then making a return to the genre earlier this year with an ESPN reality show following his son  Cordell Broadus’ attempts to break into the NFL. The show and the younger Broadus’ quest for a spot in the NFL both fizzled out, but it’s clear that cable networks believe that Snoop’s mix of charisma, blood coursing with THC and rapping ability are still a solid foundation upon which to build a reality show. Then again, no one has ever accused BET of being a brilliantly run TV pioneer, so even if this show fails, the network’s reputation isn't exactly going to take a massive hit………

- The dream is alive. A united Cyprus has eluded Cypriots for four-plus decades, ever since the island nation was split in two in 1974 when Turkey invaded after a coup aimed at uniting the island with Greece. There have been pushes to reunite the island over the years and each has failed for its own reasons, but Cyprus' rival leaders say they will "significantly intensify" the pace of negotiations aimed at reunification. Their reason is actually fairly unimaginative, as leaders of the ethnically divided island recognize that "serious work" still remains before any peace deal can be struck. United Nations envoy Espen Barth Eide paints a rosy picture, claiming that Greek Cypriot President Nicos Anastasiades and breakaway Turkish Cypriot leader Mustafa Akinci had a "constructive exchange" on issues that still separate them over forging a federation. Eide spoke after the two leaders met and said both men are aware of the need to keep the momentum going after talked resumed following several months of silence triggered by a spat over the island's offshore gas deposits. Ah yes, the always-present brawl over money. It spoils peace talks and negotiations of all types between groups and individuals around the world and has for ages, but let’s all just naïvely believe that two rival groups who both want control of a Mediterranean island will simply put their petty, greedy differences aside and come up with a fair and just agreement that will finally put the two pieces of this puzzle back together……….

College yacht club drama, the Lance Armstrong movie and witchcraft kooks in Britain

- How are the Backstreet Men still a thing? Did no one tell the BSM that the man-band era, arguably the second-darkest in music history behind disco, is mercifully over and that the likes of One Direction are merely ugly aberrations that will eventually fade away? Yet here is Backstreet Man A.J. McLean - you know, one of those other dudes in the group that no one ever really cared about but who was just there to fill out the lineup - announcing that his merry band of musical miscreants will return to the studio this week and might even unleash the unholy hell of touring with one of their fellow mid-‘90s pop disasters, The Spice Girls. McLean confirmed that after being involved with the zombie movie “Dead 7,” written by fellow BSM member Nick Carter, the group are energized to make what they try to pass off as music again. "The Spice Girls tour has been this idea bouncing around for the past year and a half, and it's something we're still talking about," McLean said. "But we're going back in on the 12th to dust off the cobwebs. We're working with a new producer, Jay Cash, who wrote 'Sugar' for Maroon 5. This is just the beginning phase, but we're hoping to have the album done before our cruise in May." Yes, another man band cruise. Because merely living in a world where this awful brand of hot pop music garbage exists isn't enough and some people need to willingly trap themselves on a boat at sea with it and have no means of escape. The last BSM album, “In a World Like This,” was a totally irrelevant 2013 release that the world has managed to forget, so by all means, record another one to be ignored as well………..

- Way to keep it weird, Britain. Not a good kind of weird, by the way. No, it’s definitely the bad kind of weird when the British Metropolitan Police report a significant increase in the number of child abuse cases that involve allegations of witchcraft and exorcism. Yes, you read that correctly. Children are being abused, sometimes to the point of putting their lives in danger, because their parents are kooks who believe that either they or their child is being harassed by, possessed by or otherwise maliced by evil spirits. According to police, a special unit received 46 such cases in 2014, more than twice as many as the year before. The Project Violet unit deals with these unusual cases and not only did the number skyrocket in 2014, but 60 incidents have been reported so far this year, continuing the upward trend. Detective Sergeant Terry Sharpe admitted that while the total number of incidents remains "small in number, "there has been a significant increase." Sharpe pointed to one heinous incident in which a 9-year-old boy was called a "devil child" and thrown out of his home by his parents. Oh, and there was also a mentally unstable mother who believed her son was a witch and tried to bite and smother him. Britain is far from alone in having an unnerving number of ass hats whose connection to reality is tenuous at best and deadly at worst, but it would still be nice to know why this ugly trend is picking up speed so quickly in the British Isles……….

- The sports world has largely forgotten about disgraced former Tour de France champion Lance Armstrong, but his scandalous career is still making waves in certain corners of the globe. Mostly that’s because of people who are still trying to make a name for themselves - and maybe a few dollars along with it - by releasing a movie about Cheat-strong that will detail his systematic doping regimen that allowed him to battle back from nearly being killed by cancer to win seven Tour de France titles. “The Program” is due out this week in Italy, prompting Armstrong's former physician to file a lawsuit aiming to halt distribution of the film in Italy. Lawyers for Dr. Michele Ferrari have requested that the "The Program” be sequestered from distributor Videa and that the producers pay damagers. Those legal eagles claim Ferrari never administered EPO to Armstrong Tour de France victories and banned for life from professional cycling in 2012 after  a U.S. Anti-Doping Agency investigation found that he had used PEDs during his cycling career. In the movie, French actor Guillaume Canet portrays Ferrari, so perhaps having a Frenchman play you on the big screen is even more infuriating for an Italian. Either way, director Stephen Frears and everyone involved with the film can't be too worried about this lawsuit, largely because it appears to have little merit and also because it’s creating a ton of free publicity for their movie. It’s an all-around win for a film that probably won't be garnering any Oscars any time soon……

- Who doesn’t love a good yacht club?  Other than the 99.75 percent of us who don’t know and could never afford a yacht and are therefore infused with a lifetime of resentment for those arrogant pricks who believe that spending $100,000 for a boat they use a few times a year and stock with premium liquor and food to consume while cruising the high seas with their fellow rich friends, of course. So what’s the problem if exclusive (i.e. irrationally expensive) Pitzer College in Claremont, California wants to have itself a student yacht club? Sure, the arrogant young a-holes in this club didn’t actually earn their wealth and are merely coasting off the fortunes mommy and daddy have amassed, but that’s no reason for the student senate at Pitzer to vote to deny instating a yacht club at the school because a majority of these fake educational legislators “found the name 'yacht club' to have a particularly offensive association with yacht clubs and a recreation known for being exclusive," according to Taylor Novick-Finder, a Pitzer College senator. When you’re school’s cost of tuition is reportedly $64,000 per year, exclusivity is implied and there is zero chance of anyone getting into Pitzer without a firm knowledge of the fact that they’re living in a small, pricy bubble with little connection to reality or to the filthy, unwashed masses for whom they possess such a healthy disdain. Since the controversy sparked up, the school issued an obligatory statement explaining that the school "respects the diverse views of our student body," but believes that "discussions, and sometimes debate, on opposing views, are part of the educational process." Whatever you feel is going to keep the poor, ugly undesirables from lighting their torches, sharpening their pitchforks and attempting to storm the gilded gates of your prestigious institution…….

MMA + ganja, Detroit needs humor and Fred Durst looms over Crimea

- Things are getting tense in the Caribbean and this island is currently not big enough for both Haiti and the Dominican Republic. At the heart of the heat is, what else, money. Haiti started the showdown by dropping a ban on some goods entering overland, banning 23 products from crossing by land its border with the Dominican Republic, seeking to improve tax collection and ensure better quality control. Not to be disrespected, merchants in the Dominican Republic have shuttered the biggest border market for trade with Haiti. It’s an economic pissing match that will likely hurt consumers more than anyone, which is always a nice side effect when governments and businesses declare fiscal war on one another. Haiti’s ban went into effect Oct. 1 and includes items such as drinking water, flour and construction materials. Under the terms of the ban, those items can arrive only by air or sea - in other words, not from the Dominican Republic. Dominican traders in the market town of Dajabon weren't about to take that sort of blatant disrespect without returning fire and on Friday, they launched a strike to pressure Haiti to lift its ban. Union leader Freddy Morillo described the work stoppage at Dajabon as "indefinite." To illustrate what’s at stake, the banned goods represent $500 million in annual sales and make up 6 percent of all Dominican exports. The Dominican government has complained to the World Trade Organization, but bureaucratic organizations like the WTO aren't exactly known for delivering swift remedies for contentious situations………

- Keep rollin, rollin, rollin….to the store to buy some ear plugs, residents of Crimea. That’s the only proper response when you hear music murderer/Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst talking about his plans to move to your corner of the world. You might know Crimea as the region of Ukraine recently annexed by Russia, or you may have heard of it because of Crimean authorities recent plea for Western celebrities to obtain residence in the territory. Prime Minister of Crimea Sergey Aksyonov, possibly after downing a few fifths of quality vodka, went so far as to lay out his vision of the region as "the new Beverly Hills." Yes, Beverly Hills minus the amazing climate, film and television industiries, trapping of Western fame and celebrity and most everything else that makes people want to move to Beverly Hills. But that offer must have been enough to entice Durst, who may have also seen former boxing champion Roy Jones Jr. say recently that he wants to obtain a Russian passport and pursue business interests there. Durst recently indicated his desire to do the same. "I wouldn’t mind getting a Russian passport. If you have communication with the relevant authorities, which could assist with obtaining it… share,” he said. Durst actually does have ties to the region as his wife, Kseniya Beryazina, is originally from Crimea. She’s apparently teaching him Russian and as terrifying as it is to imagine the sickeningly bad, poorly sung lyrics of the Bizkit spoken in Russian and written in Cyrillic, at least America could finally be free of Durst if he truly is willing to spend half of the year in Crimea  working on TV and film content. The Russian Embassy in the United Kingdom heard the news and tweeted of the news: "@FredDurst of @LimpBizkit says he wants to live in Crimea – welcome!" Be careful what you ask for, Russia……….

- This is surprising news, Detroit. Of all cities across the United States, few should be more accustomed to this sort of sight than you. A bankrupt town where packs of rabid dogs roam the streets, entire neighborhoods are abandoned like they’re ground zero for a nuclear blast and hope in scarcer supply than skinny people in Mississippi should be totally used to seeing a body lying facedown on the ground. So why are so many of you getting Jedi mind-tricked by Larethia Haddon’s attempt at Halloween humor? The Detroit woman’s Halloween decorations have prompted repeated visits by police namely because each day she places  a dummy face down in her front yard. “We received one call each about the dummy on the sixth, seventh and eighth,” police officer Jennifer Moreno said. Haddon said she places the dummy facedown in a different location of her yard every morning and then gets laughs out of the reactions of passersby as she sips her morning coffee and starts her day. A few especially clueless saps have attempted CRP and “once they find out it’s a dummy, it’s so hilarious.” Detroit should have known what was coming, as Haddon ran the same prank before moving to town. “I used to live in Redford Township, and oh God — the police department, fire department, they would come out every day,” Haddon said. “Everywhere I’ve ever lived, it’s always been this way. But this year, for some reason, it’s getting a lot of attention.” This creative lady started her kooky tradition because her husband’s birthday is on Halloween and as she sees it, the running gag should be welcome in the Motor City. “I’m trying to bring laughter to Detroit,” she said. “We really need it.” Almost as much as Detroit needs sound fiscal management……….

- Mixed martial arts, it’s time we had a talk. No, not about the scores of IQ-deprived, Tapout shirt-wearing, monster truck-driving, protein powder-chugging sycophants who support your sport, nor about the fact that you pay people to beat one another within inches of their life. What we need to talk about is this inexplicable beef you have with keef. You know, your insistence on testing your fighters for marijuana even though the benefits of being a stoner run contrary to everything MMA is about. Potheads are mellow to a fault, they lack energy and they tend to have as much aggression as a Care Bear mixed with glitter. There are plenty of performance-enhancing drugs out there, but ganja is not one of them. This matters because of situations like the one involving former Bellator featherweight and bantamweight champion Joe Warren, who  faces a possible 90-day suspension for a  positive result in his post-fight drug test following his decision win over LC Davis at Bellator 143 on Sept. 25. Warren is a known stoner whose positive test in 2007 kept him from participating in the 2008 Olympic Games, where he was the favorite to take home gold in Greco-Roman wrestling. This time, he was barely over the acceptable limits, testing for 53 ng/ml, according to Texas Combative Sports Program documents, just above the legal limit of 50 ng/ml. The fact is that even if you try to argue that pot helps relieve pain and therefore might benefit an MMA fighter, if a dude is willing to have his body battered, choked out, arm-barred and pummeled for a living, allowing him to hippie lettuce his way to comfort is the least you can do for him. Stop persecuting stoners, MMA promotions of all sizes, and marvel at the fact that a guy can get baked and still have the level of rage necessary to climb into the cage and try to tear another person’s limbs from their sockets………

The Taylor Swift covers circle, frat bros stay true to themselves and a beef beef in India

- There is a beef beef in India and Prime Minister Narendra Modi is trying to calm things down before this goes nuclear. Modi called for religious harmony after a week of silence following the mob killing of a Muslim man rumored to have slaughtered a cow. The cow murder sparked fears that Hindu zealots were targeting minorities and while the prime minister waiting a week to actually take a public stance on an issue like this isn't exactly bold leadership in motion, at least Modi finally said something at an election rally in the northern state of Bihar. "We must decide whether Hindus and Muslims should fight each other, or against poverty," he said. "Only peace and goodwill can take this country forward." It was a solid appeal for Indians to ignore hate speech, which is why it probably won't do much good. When a Muslim man is beaten to death over rumors that he butchered a cow, a few reassuring words from the prime minister aren't nearly enough to calm the waters, not when politicians of Modi's Bharatiya Janata Party previously made statements in defense of the Hindu mob that killed the accused cow hitman. In the wake of the cow culling, a long-running debate about laws on the killing and eating of cows flared back up and Modi has long supported  a nationwide ban on cow slaughter and criticized the previous government for promoting beef exports. Many Hindus consider cows holy and as they form a majority of India's population of 1.2 billion, that means more available beef for some of the country's minority Muslims and Christians, as well as many lower-caste Hindus. The violence over this latest incident even reached the national legislature, where lawmakers from Modi's Hindu nationalist party punched and slapped a Muslim opposition politician in disputed Kashmir, for serving beef in a government building. "I have done nothing wrong," said Abdul Rashid Sheikh, the attacked politician. "I consumed beef. It is my religious right and also my fundamental right." Damn straight, Abdul……..

- Many college athletes are thinking it at any time, but UCLA linebacker Myles Jack is willing to say it. Jack, who suffered a season-ending knee injury two games into his junior season, has already decided to leave UCLA and enter the 2016 NFL draft rather than rehab, stay in school while applying for a medical redshirt and possibly have two more years of eligibility. In explaining why he not only decided to bolt for the pros, but did so in such an expedited fashion, Jack cited a truth that many college athletes can rally behind. "When you see people making money off of your likeness and your name ... nobody else wears No. 30 at UCLA. That jersey is mine," Jack said. “"I would like to receive compensation for what I've done. That's definitely something you're thinking about. I took all of that into consideration.” He went on to say that he felt he “had done enough at UCLA” and now wants to focus on himself, on getting healthy and getting his knee back in shape to be ready for the draft. UCLA head coach Jim Mora has not-so-subtly questioned Jack’s decision, saying in interviews he believes the decision is “risky” for the versatile junior, who also played running back for the Bruins. Yet Jack projected to be a first-round draft pick before the season and this wouldn’t be the first time an NFL team took a major gamble on a top-tier talent coming off a devastating knee injury. “In regards to my injury, I wanted to have the best training possible and put myself in the best position to be ready for the combine,” Jack said. Everyone out there who believes college athletes should be paid from the immense pool of income their schools and the NCAA makes off their backs has to be roundly applauding Jack on this one………..

- Bros will be bros. Why does no one seem to understand that, instead insisting that the guys with Greek letters on their chests even though they have barely gained a functional understanding of English act like civilized, respectable human beings with consciences, dignity and whatnot? The latest instance of a college community getting all pissy with frat dudes simply for being frat dudes comes to us from Bloomington, Indiana, where the charter of an Indiana University fraternity has been revoked after a video surfaced showing members cheering on a brother involved in a sexually explicit act with a woman. Let’s start with the obvious. First, this was not a sexual assault heinously perpetrated on a woman either drunk, drugged or otherwise incapacitated. Secondly, it was not an encounter that an unsuspecting female had that she thought was private and didn’t know was being filmed. Thirdly, the females in the video were not underage. So with all of that in mind, why would the national organization of the Alpha Tau Omega fraternity shut down the Indiana chapter following the release of the "highly inappropriate and vulgar" video? According to the national chapter's chief executive officer, Wynn Smiley, the man in the video was an initiated member and the two women were exotic dancers hired by a frat member. In other words, a frat bro got after it with a couple of strippers during an unauthorized event involving about half the chapter membership. No one was forced to participate in what happened in the video, but Smiley - not living up to his name - deemed it “highly offensive." With the revocation of the charter, the fraternity is closed immediately and both Alpha Tau Omega and the school seem pretty proud of themselves. "Indiana University takes its responsibility to foster a culture of care and respect among the students on its campuses extremely seriously," the school said in a statement. Keep telling yourself that this was some serious breach of that supposed culture, IU………

- There is a vicious circle of parasitic behavior encircling the latest release by country-pop starlet Taylor Swift and the real question is where it will end. First, indie rock icon Ryan Adams did a full cover album of “1989” as a tip of the cap to Swift, who called the cover project a dream come true due to her longtime admiration for Adams. Had it ended there, it would have been a fairly nondescript story, but of course, there’s more. Former Fleet Foxes member Father John Misty, formerly known as J. Tillman, made headlines of his own for releasing cover version of Adams' covers of Swift, which is kind of like a photo of a photo inside of a photo, but less interesting. Misty covered Swift's 'Welcome To New York' and 'Blank Space' in the style of The Velvet Underground after Ryan Adams released his Smiths and Springsteen-influenced covers album, but later decided to take down his versions for an unusual reason. He said that late rock legend Lou Reed appeared to him in a dream, saying "Delete those tracks, don’t summon the dead, I am not your plaything." Reed fronted The Velvet Underground, so his ghostly presence clearly has the right to make such demands.  "From conception to it being a global news item was like an hour," Tillman said of his covers album of a covers album, one he created despite allegedly never hearing Swift’s originals. “I’m sure I’ve been walking by a Cinnabon or something at the airport and heard it. On some level I knew that it would resonate. By the time I got back to the bus that night, my TM [tour manager] was like, ‘It’s the top trend on Facebook! It’s on USA Today!' And I was like, ‘This is ridiculous,’ so I went and took them down.” What’s funny is that Tillman claims to have received messages Swift's camp asking him to put the songs back online. Now, who wants to cover Misty’s covers of Adams’ covers of Swift’s songs………..