- Idiots tend to hang out with idiots. For additional proof
of this truth, enjoy the tale of Barre, Vermont resident William Holmes, who
gets a limited amount of credit for trying to do the right thing and be a good
friend by showing up to a police station to pick up a female friend accused of
drunken driving. That is where Holmes’ credit begins and ends, because Holmes
did not exactly show up at the jail in a proper state in which to help his pal.
According to police, this would be designated driver had apparently spent his evening
designating which domestic beers in his fridge should be poured down his
gullet, because Holmes showed signs of impairment during his conversation with
police and therefore, rather than being allowed to pick up Mechelle Metzler,
who was taken to the department earlier in the night, both Holmes and Metzler
were fingerprinted, photographed and released on a citation, presumably with a
sober individual on hand to pick them up and take them straight to rehab
because clearly, these two need some new voices of reason in their lives. Their
next DUI-related activity - at least their next officially scheduled one, is
Feb. 2, when this dynamic drinking duo are scheduled to appear in court.
Hopefully by then, they find a sober friend with a vehicle who can get them
from their latest binge drinking session to court safely and legally…..
- No one thinks of Pierce Brosnan as either a badass or a
legitimate action star, which is why there are a few James Bond movies that
suck worse than the others, but that doesn’t stop Hollywood from trying to
shoehorn the aging Brit into action movies. Thus, Brosnan could be starring as
Cable in “Deadpool 2,” a possibility the film’s star, Ryan Reynolds hinted at
by sharing photo of himself alongside Brosnan and Wolverine star Hugh Jackman. The
role of Cable hasn’t been officially cast and Kyle Chandler has also been
rumored for the role, but Reynolds posted a shot on Instagram and captioned it,
“Wolvie. Bond. Wade.” In the photo, the three men posted in a, “Hear no evil,
speak no evil, see no evil” pose, suggesting that they have a super top secret
to hide from the world. For the non-comic book dorks out there, Cable is a
time-traveling mutant also known as Nathan Summers, the present day son of
X-Men leader Cyclops, who was infected with a lethal techno-organic virus. Cable
travels to the future to survive before coming back to the present as a bounty
hunter and in no way, shape or form does that sound like a role in which Brosnan
would be a wise choice. Producers Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick decided to cut
down his role in “Deadpool 2” because it was too complicated and explaining it
properly would have taken up too much of the movie. Still, Cable will be a part
of the project and what better way to make the most out of his reduced screen
time than casting a retirement-age Brit who is all about being stiff and formal
and expecting him to deliver an action-packed, compelling performance where the
ass-kicking he does will be wholly believable……..
- Border walls are suddenly becoming a thing. While
Americans with an IQ above 45 and a healthy aversion to xenophobia laughed at a
certain president-elect’s suggestion of a massive wall along the border between
the United States and Mexico, the rest of the world has gone wall crazy and the
latest entrant into the fray comes from Eastern Europe, where Lithuania has
announced it will begin construction on a fence on its border with Kaliningrad,
the small Russian exclave bordering the Baltic Sea. This wall will be small by
Trump-ian standards, reportedly spanning 80 miles and standing 8 feet tall with
plenty of bells and whistles, including electronic surveillance systems and
drones. The fence is a curious choice, as hundreds of thousands of Russian
troops and military equipment are based in Kaliningrad, but Lithuania presented
the move as a way to fight endemic smuggling. "We have to prevent
smuggling and strengthen the external borders of the European Union. We
understand well what is going on in the Russian exclave," Lithuanian
Interior Minister Eimutis Misiunas explained. What’s the major contraband
Lithuania is looking to prevent? That would be lung darts, as amost a million
cigarette packs were smuggled last year from Russia and Belarus according to
the Lithuanian interior ministry. The cost of the wall/fence/lung dart
deterrent is expected to be about $3.85 million and yet, the project is
scheduled to be completed by the end of the year. No word on whether it will be
done bigly………..
- Suspended by your sport’s world governing body for doping
but still feel like competing and trying to rack up more (tainted) prize money
before you actually start, you know, being suspended? Then just follow the
example of Russian skier Maxim Vylegzhanin, a man lacking in both vowels and a
basic understanding of what it actually means to be suspended. Vylegzhanin is
suspended for being implicated in a doping inquiry, yet has continued to
compete. He was suspended last month by the International Ski Federation (FIS)
after he was accused of being one of 12 medalists at the 2014 Winter Olympics
in Sochi whose doping samples were allegedly swapped for clean ones. Yet in the
face if his ban, Vylegzhanin has continued to compete in Russian events,
winning two races this month organized by a regional body of the Russian
Cross-Country Skiing Federation. Russia ignoring rules and laws in the name of
sporting glory is nothing new and thus, it should surprise no one that the FIS
says this appears to break its rules on suspensions, yet skier and country
could not care less. In response, the federation says his actions could result
in Vylegzhanin serving a longer ban if he is found guilty of a doping offense.
"FIS is currently following up with the Russian national ski association
to ensure that during ineligibility these rules are correctly understood and
followed," FIS spokeswoman Jenny Wiedeke said. "If an athlete does
not respect his/her status during ineligibility, then the time of the
provisional suspension will not be credited against the final suspension period
(if any)." In a verrrry convincing defense, Vylegzhanin has said he
believed his suspension applied only to international events, not Russian
competitions and denies that he doped, so clearly everyone should do the same
as him, believe his lies and keep acting as if his suspension is like Monopoly
money - it doesn’t count in real life……..
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