Wednesday, April 17, 2013

How to know when you're a rock star, a $40K martini and livin on Mars


- Waaaaaaiitttt a minute…....the University of Oregon’s football program really did commit major NCAA violations in connection with recruiting? No way. A program that became extremely successful and had a flashy head coach who liked scoring a ton of points while competing for conference championships and who just jumped to the NFL didn’t play by the rules? Of course, Oregon’s drama is not new. In 2010, the NCAA began looking into possible violations following reports about payments Oregon made to recruiting services, including a $25,000 payment to Willie Lyles and Houston-based Complete Scouting Services in 2010. Lyles’ connection to Oregon recruit Lache Seastrunk was curious, as was the fact that Oregon seemed to have paid him $25,000 for video scouting materials it could not show investigators and which weren’t documented. The investigation has marched forward and Oregon now knows it’s in deep sh*t, as evidenced by the fact that it n has acknowledged its violations and proposed a self-imposed two-year probation with the loss of one scholarship in each of the next three years. These not-shocking revelations were made in a summary disposition report included in the documents released Monday and the case is far from over because Oregon and the NCAA have failed to come to an agreement on the matter. The case will go before the infractions committee at some point this year, but until then everyone can feel better because Oregon's athletic department issued a statement that said: "The review is ongoing until the NCAA Committee on Infractions issues its final report. The integrity of the process and our continued full cooperation with the NCAA prohibits us from publicly discussing the specifics of this matter." The university continues to insist that the violations were not intentional in nature, but even if they are, the man largely responsible for them is long gone. Chip Kelly is now the head coach of the Philadelphia Eagles. He exited Eugene with a 46-7 record with appearances in four straight BCS bowl games and even if the Ducks are hammered with NCAA sanctions, he won't be affected………


- There are many ways to react to the result of an election, but the most dramatic is undoubtedly happening right now in Venezuela. As the South American nation moves forward sans the late despot Hugo Chavez and his handpicked successor has emerged as the apparent victor, those who were looking for a shift in philosophy at the top haven't taken it well. A day after election authorities proclaimed Nicolas Maduro to be the winner of the election to replace his mentor, at least seven people were killed and 61 were injured in post-election violence across Venezuela. So far, authorities have arrested 135 people in connection with political violence and candidate Henrique Capriles Radonski’s followers are staunchly behind his demand for a recount after Maduro secured 50.8 percent of votes in Sunday's election, while Radonski was credited with 49 percent. According to the government, the violence boils down to aggression by Radonski’s supporters against the followers of the President-elect, with government health clinics, food distribution centers, a bank and a preschool program the targets of violence. It’s worth noting that the reports of violence have not been independently confirmed and could well be the work product of a conniving regime seeking to maintain its grasp on power. To keep up plausible deniability in any attacks, both Capriles and Maduro have publicly urged supporters to remain peaceful in reacting to the election results. They have alternated those pleas with accusations of violence against one another, simultaneously provoking more unrest. Capriles has also called for a recount and Maduro has responded by promising to use an iron fist to crack down on any attempts to unseat him from the presidency. In other words, it’s as if Chavez never left. Capriles’ complaints center on problems with voting machines, inconsistencies in tallies reported by voting centers and reports that opposition witnesses were forced out of hundreds of polls. He also insisted that anyone who takes to the streets Wednesday as part of previously schedule protests is not affiliated with his campaign. "The government wants there to be deaths in the country," he said. As it turns out, there already have been……..


- Hey there. Have you had enough of Earth and are you longing to shoot yourself out into space, never to return and very probably to never be heard from again? Your chance has come…..just as soon as 2023 gets here. That’s when Mars One, the private company that hopes to land a person on the surface of the red planet by that particular year, is planning to make history. Those who want in on this fool’s mission will begin their journey this summer, when the application process for aspiring astronauts who hope to be the first human beings to set foot on Mars begins. Mars One will throw open its virtual doors and begin accepting videos made by prospective astronauts along with a small application fee that will serve to bilk them out of their hard-earned money, er, fund the Mars colonization project. "We expect a million applications with 1-minute videos, and hopefully some of those videos will go viral,” Bas Lansdorp, Mars One co-founder and chief executive officer. Those interested in moving to Mars will need to be fairly sure about leaving Earth, as here are no current plans for a return journey from Mars. The 24 saps who make this commitment will be counted on to establish a permanent Martian colony. Not surprisingly in a world full of kooks, 45,000 people have registered on the company’s mailing list and 10,000 would-be astronauts have expressed a desire to apply. Of course, there is a chance that a maximum application fee will of just $25 will prevent Mars One from reaching its funding goal, seeing as the company estimates that it will cost a whopping $6 billion to send the first four astronauts to the red planet. How will it make up for that shortfall? By pimping out it its application, selection, and training phases as reality television offerings. “We can prove to the broadcasters that there is real demand and interest, and we will start negotiations after the [astronaut] selection procedure begins,” Lansdorp added. In its website listing for the program, Mars One included resiliency, adaptability, curiosity, ability to trust, and creativity/resourcefulness as the six most important qualities for an applicant. “The applicant must be free from any disease, any dependency on drugs, alcohol or tobacco, must have the normal range of motion and functionality in all joints, visual acuity in both eyes of 100% (20/20) either uncorrected or corrected with lenses or contact lenses, free from any psychiatric disorders,” the website adds. Act now, as space is limited……..


- Do rich people still enjoy paying ridiculous amounts of money for sh*t they don’t need merely so they can say that they did? Well……are 400-thread-count sheets made of Egyptian cotton still the only way to sleep in luxury? The White Barn Inn restaurant in Kennebunk, Me. knows this and it’s why the eatery is celebrating its 40th anniversary by introducing a limited-edition, $40,000 cocktail. What makes a simple alcoholic beverage worth $40,000? Trick question. The answer is nothing because there isn't a cocktail in the world worth $40,000, but the White Barn Inn is artificially inflating the value of its offering by adding Hanger One Vodka, St. Germain Elderflower, fresh squeezed grapefruit juice, pomegranate, a spoonful of rose water……..and a four-carat ruby. That’s right, they are dropping an actual gemstone into the drink and that’s supposed to make it exclusive and incredibly desirable. Now, if a person wants to enjoy all of the above ingredients sans the ruby and the resulting $40,000 price tag, they can take a sip of this martini for a mere $18 – still overpriced, but slightly less so. This shameless publicity stunt masquerading as a  $40,000 cocktail will be available in June through the end of the year. The real catch here is that in order to drink a $40,000 cocktail, a person must first figure out where the heck Kennebunk, Maine is and figure out a justifiable reason to go there…….


- There are a few ways a rock star can tell when they’ve really made it. Waking up pants-less in the Playboy mansion after a night DJing for Hugh Hefner and his pals of the porn model variety is one of those ways and it’s already happened to Bloc Party frontman Kele Okereke. Okereke and his bandmates released one of 2012’s best albums, “Four,” but his great night that turned into a great morning at the Playboy mansion came during his DJ days. He was asked about his wildest nights ever as a rock star and when the discussion turned to the strangest place he had ever woken up, he conceded that it was without underpants on a piano owned by Hugh Hefner the morning after a big party. "A basketball court in Philadelphia. That was pretty strange. A skip. A jail cell," he said before arriving at the right answer. "The Playboy mansion, that was a strange night. I was DJing somewhere in the States and a bunch of playmates came and partied with us. Nothing naughty happened but I did wake up on top of a piano and I wasn't wearing any underwear. I had a shirt on and my shoes but my jeans were on the floor. I think I had been to the toilet and forgotten to put them back on." Nothing naughty? Does anyone hang out with Playboy playmates for any other reason? They’re not exactly renowned for their intellectual conversations and intense philosophical debates and they’re not called Mensa’s Scholarly Ladies of the Month. Bloc Party is currently on the road promoting “Four,” so Okereke’s next party with the ladies of Playboy will have to wait for now……

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