Helping the FAT, Holocaust survivor pageants and Katie Holmes finally free

- Detroit needs a morale boost right about now. DOVE Ice Cream understands that and gave the Motor City a bit of relief on a hot summer day Friday. Perhaps because DOVE felt sorry for Detroit in its dilapidated, crime-riddled state, it was named one of the 10 cities to receive a visit from the special-edition “Adults Only” ice cream truck. Before any wild ideas of whiskey-flaved ice cream or a gin and tonic with a side of moose tracks ice cream pop into your mind, there was no alcohol involved – at least not alcohol provided by DOVE. The truck, which opened up shop at 11:30 a.m. Friday at the corner of Cadillac Square and Woodward in Detroit, next to Campus Martius Park, offered creamy, rich chocolate folded over cold vanilla ice cream. Patrons could also enjoy a free five-minute back and neck massage by a licensed massage therapist and a free manicure. There were no bombsicles and orange creamsicles, only DOVE bars and massages. Oh, and none of the annoying calliope music played over loudspeakers that ice cream truck drivers/pedophiles use to muffle the screams of children they’re molesting, er, attract young customers, there was only relaxation. After a few hours downtown in which those operating the truck managed to avoid getting robbed, they moved to Saline Road in Ann Arbor and continued selling DOVE bars until they ran out. Those who were late to the party were reminded of the same harsh life lesson children learn early on in their existence: First come, first served and if you’re late, you lose out……….

- In the quest to take the fight to FAT, science has added another bullet to the gun of obese individuals and their physicians. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration Wednesday approved Belviq, or lorcaserin hydrochloride, a weight-loss pill to be combined with a reduced-calorie diet and exercise. The FDA approved Belviq for overweight or obese adults who have one or more medical conditions due to their weight, such as high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes or high cholesterol. The drug works by activating a receptor in the brain that helps a person to eat less and still feel full. Tricking the stomachs of people without the self-discipline or will power to back away from the all-you-can-eat buffet at Golden Corral may be the best option and in clinical trials, 47 percent of patients without type 2 diabetes lost at least 5 percent of their body weight. By contrast, just 23 percent of patients treated with placebo lost at least 5 percent of their weight. In a second part of the trial, 38 percent of participants with type 2 diabetes lost at least 5 percent of their body weight compared to just 16 percent of those who received the placebo. Those numbers aren't overwhelming, but most medical experts agree that even a 5 percent weight loss has significant implications in improving the overall health of obese individuals, specifically but reducing the risk of obesity-associated diseases including heart disease and diabetes. Before Belviq is available to the public, manufacturer Arena Pharmaceuticals will be required to conduct six additional studies, including a long term cardiovascular trial to assess the risk of heart attack and stroke. As with any medication, there are a few delightful side effects, including headache, dizziness and fatigue, and in diabetic patients low blood sugar and pain, according to the FDA…………

- The “Free Katie Holmes” campaign has finally worked. It took five long years, but the brainwashing job Tom Cruise did on the girl America came to know as Joey Potter on the late ‘90s teen TV soap opera has finally worn off. That’s right, five years-plus after the couple married in an Italian castle in November 2006 after dating for one year, they are divorcing. "This is a personal and private matter for Katie and her family," Holmes' attorney Jonathan Wolfe said in a statement. "Katie's primary concern remains, as it always has been, her daughter's best interest." The daughter would of course be 6-year-old Suri, who will undoubtedly have a completely normal life given her questionably sane father and growing up in the media spotlight her entire life. Almost since the day Cruise and Holmes began dating, insanity and a certain sadness have permeated their relationship. Cruise, who went mental patient when he jumped up and down on a couch on “The Oprah Winfrey Show” to declare his love for Holmes, was largely viewed as the kooky Scientologist who took a sweet, loveable young actress and warped her mind and rooting for Holmes to escape his clutches. That dream has now been realized and Holmes is free. Best of all, she is apparently the one who decided to end the marriage. "Kate has filed for divorce and Tom is deeply saddened and is concentrating on his three children. Please allow them their privacy to work this out,” Cruise’s spokesperson said in a statement. Cruise is inching towards becoming a modern-day, male version of Elizabeth Taylor, as this marks his third failed marriage after failed attempts at wedded bliss with Mimi Rogers and Nicole Kidman…….

- An unusual beauty pageant in Israel is either a cool idea to honor women who lived through the biggest genocide in human history or an affront to the memory of those who perished in that genocide, depending upon who you ask. Israel's first "Miss Holocaust Survivor" pageant featured 14 women who survived the horrors of the Second World War. In a country where the horrors of the Holocaust are still fresh in the memory of the very people Adolf Hitler attempted to exterminate, the idea of bringing together a group of older women and judging them on appearance has been decried by some as going against everything Jewish culture is about. "It sounds totally macabre to me," said Colette Avital, chairperson of Israel's leading Holocaust survivors' group. "I am in favor of enriching lives, but a pageant masquerading [survivors] with beautiful clothes is not what is going to make their lives more meaningful." Others have applauded the idea of recognizing beauty in women all past their 70th birthday. The winner of the controversial event was Chava Hershkovitz and even if Avital and others believe the event was inappropriate, Hershkovitz and her 13 fellow Holocaust survivors’ willingness to appear, along with the smiles on their faces throughout the event, suggest that those who actually lived through one of the biggest tragedies in world history, suggest that not everyone feels "Miss Holocaust Survivor" was a mistake……….

- The door is now officially open. For NFL franchises wishing to jump ship from their current location and take up residence in sunny southern California, the road to Los Angeles has been clearly mapped out by commissioner Roger Goodell. The commissioner sent a five-point memo to each of the league's 32 teams Friday outlining the proper procedure for franchises considering a relocation to Los Angeles and even suggested that more than one team could move to the City of Angels. "Although substantial uncertainties remain, stadium development in Los Angeles has advanced to the point where the prospects for a new facility are better than they have been in many years," Goodell wrote. "At least two potential sites have well-developed plans, and both have moved forward to obtain necessary government approvals." The move could occur as early as the 2013 season and interested franchises must send a relocation application to the NFL between Jan. 1 and Feb. 15, 2013, if they want to play in Los Angeles the following season. The possibility that two teams could move was enhanced later in the memo when Goodell explained that t a new stadium in Los Angeles must fit two teams but doesn't necessarily have to be downtown. "Given that simultaneous league-wide investment in two stadiums in the same community is unlikely, we believe that the best approach will be a single site where an iconic facility could credibly both host two teams and provide ancillary entertainment and development opportunities," he wrote. Fans in Jacksonville, Minnesota, Oakland and San Diego, you can officially start to worry……….

Gone country, rock/paper/scissors robots and Georgia football felons

- Georgia football is back, baby. No, not because the Bulldogs posted a 10-4 record last season and played in the Outback Bowl. Instead it’s the arrest of running back Isaiah Crowell on weapons charges by Athens-Clarke County police early Friday morning that indicates the program is back to its old ways and traditions. Although coach Mark Richt has often bristled at suggestions that his program has a discipline problem, the Bulldogs did have 11 players arrested in 2010 and they will start the 2012 season with four defensive starters suspended for discipline issues. They may be without Crowell for much longer after he was charged with a felony count of possessing a weapon in a school zone, a felony count of altered identification mark and misdemeanor count of possession/carrying a concealed weapon. Oddly enough, his arrest came after 2 a.m., which is bizarre because nothing bad ever happens when you’re out at that time of the morning. Crowell was arrested around 2:20 a.m. ET after being stopped at a vehicle checkpoint near the Georgia campus and booked at 3:37 a.m. Considering he was in and out of Richt's doghouse as a freshman for various knucklehead acts, maybe Crowell’s arrest isn’t so surprising. He spent the night in jail after his bond was set at $7,500. Richt won't have a chance to let him off the hook for his crime, as UGA Athletic Association policy stipulates that student-athletes charged with felonies are immediately suspended from the team. Crowell faces two felonies and a misdemeanor and Georgia senior associate athletics director Claude Felton said the school was aware of Crowell's arrest. The unusual altered ID-mark charge stems from a tampered serial number and that the gun in question was a 9mm Luger. Either Crowell really likes guns or the Georgia campus is much more dangerous than anyone knew, because rolling with a Luger isn’t normal. Oh, and the reason police pulled his 2005 Mercury Grand Marquis over in the first place was the smell of marijuana inside the vehicle. "[Crowell] consented to a search of the vehicle, and officers didn't find the marijuana," Athens-Clarke County Police spokeswoman Hilda Sorrow said. In other words, he and his four passengers were at someone’s apartment or off-campus house getting baked, maybe on their way to Taco Bell, and they were pulled over. It certainly is good to have real Georgia Bulldogs football pride back…………

- Who isn't fired up when science tackles and conquers life’s most important issues? Researchers coming up with a cure for a fatal disease, scientists finding ways to make cars more fuel-efficient, dieticians creating a new pill to help FAT people lose weight or creating a robot that cannot be beaten at “Rock, paper, scissors,” those are great feats. Wait…..what? There is a robot that is unbeaten at one of the lamest ways to decide who rides shotgun on the road trip to Niagara Falls or who gets the last piece of leftover pizza from last night? Yes, yes there is. Scientists at Ishikawa Oku Laboratory as the University of Tokyo have developed a janken, or rock-paper-scissors robot, that wins every time. The artificial hand is part of a class of robots that utilize human-machine cooperation. It wins its contests by detecting which gesture will be thrown with vision-based motion detectors. Hardcore RSP players would argue that this is cheating by one millisecond, but the number of world problems this robot will solve should quell any dissent. Its sensors determine the angle of the human’s wrist join and uses that information to decide which motion the hand is about to make. What makes this entire story even better is that the Ishikawa Oku Laboratory team built on years of past research on optics in computing to make the janken robot possible. If only those past researchers had known the important discoveries their findings would be used to facilitate….they probably would have burned all of their files. Perhaps the best way to forget how ridiculous all of this is would be reading the Ishikawa Oku Laboratory mission statement, which reads, “Interactions in the real world (not only physical but also social and psychological interactions) are inherently parallel phenomena. By constructing models and engineering systems that take into account such parallelism, one can expect a better understanding of the real world as well as enhanced performance of systems when dealing with practical applications. These fundamental considerations lead us to concentrate on parallel processing for sensory information.” Anyone still awake after reading that is probably too confused and discombobulated to think about how absurd an RSP robot is. Eventually, the application of a robot with such a quick reaction time could range from assistance in surgical procedures to preventative military technology, so maybe this train wreck can be salvaged eventually………

- Umm…..was someone counting on a large amount of weapons, including rockets and automatic machine guns, to be transported to or through Egypt to fuel their uprising against their fascist government? If so, it’s time for Plan B because Egyptian Interior Minister Gen. Mohammed Ibrahim announced Friday that security forces have confiscated this impressive cache of weapons smuggled into the country from neighboring Libya. Ibrahim said security forces acting on a tip Friday stopped a car and truck packed with munitions on the highway near the Egyptian coastal city of Marsa Matrouh and after a brief firefight in which one of the transporters was killed, security forces seized the weapons and apprehended the transporters. It was a banner day for the Interior Ministry, as Ibrahim described the bust as "the biggest" in the history of the organization. The weapons were smuggled from the Libyan city of Sirte and during questioning, one of the men arrested confessed that the weapons were being taken to the Sinai Peninsula to be smuggled to the Gaza Strip. Smuggling weapons out of Libya has become increasingly common since the country's 2011 revolution, but with additional smuggling comes the need for more smugglers and the more smugglers one needs, the better chance some less-than-brilliant individuals will be employed in this capacity. So to whoever was counting in those weapons to be the muscle in their revolt, dial up another arms dealer and see what kind of deal you can get for buying in bulk……….

- What would go through a person’s mind if they learned the soil all around their town was laced with arsenic? Residents of Middleport, N.Y. are facing that scary reality and the massive arsenic cleanup project in Middleport could affect the entire village. The New York Department of Environmental Conservation has expressed concerns that the soil in yards, gardens and even a school campus may have to be dug up and carted away. The DEC wants to remove soil from 101 properties in the village where previous EPA testing has shown elevated levels of arsenic, including homes, commercial lots and Royalton-Hartland Central Schools. While it is not a huge place, Middleport is similar in size to about 500 football fields. "Our cleanup level would be 20 parts per million, which is the background level in this area of Niagara County," said DEC Engineer Robert Schick. Where did all of that arsenic come from? The FMC pesticide plant in the village apparently has not done a good job of being environmentally responsible and to clean up their mess, workers would have to dig up and truck away the soil and dispose of it in a commercial landfill or a special area on the FMC site. "It will take some time. We estimate that it would be done in about five years. It may require multiple crews," Schick said. Five years? In that time, the entire town could pick up and move. Maybe there is a giant plot of vacant land elsewhere in the state of New York where Middleport could be rebuilt and restarted. FMC isn't exactly a willing and helpful participant in the process, not if spokesman Robert Forbes truly represents their thoughts on the topic. "We've addressed the major issues in Middleport already that need to be remediated. We've addressed them and our risk assessment suggests that their isn't a concern here and there is no benefit from further removal of the arsenic,” Forbes said. Some residents are behind FMC and were swayed by different remedial plans presented by the DEC Wednesday evening, which suggested that the only way for a person to be directly exposed to the arsenic is ingestion, i.e. eating the soil. In other words, parents of every child under the age of 6 in Middleport would be infinitely terrified. The issue remains open for public debate through July 30 and after that, the DEC will go through the comments and make a final decision by the end of the calendar year………..

- His band being back on the scene after a long hiatus and releasing a solid album on their own label just wasn’t enough for Garbage drummer/über-producer Butch Vig. Garbage recently released “Not Your Kind of People” and he is renowned for producing Nirvana's seminal release “Nevermind.” Vig should be living high (literally and/or figuratively) off his rock success, but instead he’s venturing into the world of…..country music? Sadly, it’s true. Vig's new country and folk music band Emperors of Wyoming will put out their debut, self-titled LP on Sept. 17 and unfortunately, this is no joke. The band is made up of singer/ songwriter Phil Davis of Fire Town, Pete and Frank Anderson of Call Me Bwana and Vig on drums. Although they have been together since 2009, Emperors of Wyoming have never released any albums. Their sound blends bluegrass, country and acoustic folk music using "cutting edge technology and ancient instruments.”
Maybe Vig is stuck in an eff-you period where he wants to fly in the face of everything that is expected of the man who helmed Nirvana’s most iconic release, because a country album is not exactly good for his look. But after Garbage self-released “People,” their first release since 2005’s “Bleed Like Me,” because they didn't like the experience of being on major record labels, Vig might be tired of major-label and mainstream bullsh*t. "We started out on independent labels both in the UK and in the US and then they ended up getting bought up by bigger corporate labels. In the end, no one from those labels seems to care or know who you are as a band and we just didn't like that experience,” he fumed. "We wanted to embrace exactly who we are as a band and just make a Garbage record, we like to do what we like to do and we'll do that and not give a sh*t about what anyone else thinks." All right then……….

How rebels do business, busy indie bands and Google's new tablet

- Everyone wants to topple the iPad as the dominant tablet on the market. Google has tried several approaches and on Wednesday, the search giant dove back into the pool with the unveiling of the Nexus 7 tablet at its I/O developers conference in San Francisco. Built by noted maker of chintzy computers Asus, the seven-inch tablet will sell for $199. It went on sale Wednesday in the Google Play market and it will begin shipping in mid-July. The Nexus 7 seems more positioned to battle the popular 7-inch Amazon Kindle Fire tablet, which also sells for $199,, and will feature content like magazines, books and movies. A home page widget called  "My Library" features tiles with the latest content a user has read or watched and by tapping on the “My Library” tile, users can launch that content right where they left off. The Nexus 7 weighs 12 ounces, two ounces lighter than the Fire, and it also sports an improved HD screen and a faster graphics chipset. Just one year ago at the same event, Google launched the high-end Samsung Galaxy Tab tablet and it has been an unmitigated disaster. Apple sued Samsung because their tablets were so much alike and on Tuesday, Apple won an injunction to prevent further sales of Samsung's device in the United States. Microsoft also entered the fray last week when it unveiled its Surface tablet, which will be priced comparably to the iPad. Low-end tablets have not fared well thus far and the iPad continues to dominate the tablet market with an estimated 62 percent of tablet sales this year. Research In Motion has failed miserably with its BlackBerry Playbook for around $200 and there are few indicators that a better screen and improved graphics will help the Nexus 7 fare much better. Google’s quest for world domination appears to have hit a snag and perhaps the search titan has reached a bit too far this time……….

- Groups, organizations and causes that believe billboards are still a great way to launch a campaign for or against an issue are quite pathetic. Unless the world just jumped back in time four decades and Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, Skype and Pinterest don’t exist, dropping one’s message onto a billboard and hoping it changes the world view of multitasking motorists whisking by at 65 mph is pitiable. That message would have been helpful to the Wisconsin-based Freedom From Religion Foundation, which is battling against the Catholic Church on the issue of contraception. The organization has rented a billboard along I-30 in Arlington and posted a message that scolds bishops and urges Catholics to give up the church. It reads, "Put Women's rights over bishop's wrongs.” Freedom From Religion Foundation, which doesn’t seem to think too highly of organized religion of any kind, chose the Arlington location because both the Fort Worth diocese and the Dallas diocese are suing the Obama administration over the contraceptive mandate. The billboards have ruffled a few feathers in the area and local diocese officials say they have received a few complaints. "We have taken calls mainly from women who are angry and offended," said Dallas diocese spokeswoman Annette Gonzales Taylor. FFRF also has plans to place billboards in several other cities, including Chicago and St. Louis. Those additional billboards are scheduled to go up in place about 30 days, coinciding with the date the contraceptive mandate goes into effect………

- Apparently, offering a man an amount of money to play football that nears the gross domestic product for some Third World countries can also be construed as negotiating in bad faith. So says the NFL Players Association, which has asked the NFL to investigate if the New Orleans Saints are negotiating with their franchise player in good faith. Drew Brees and the Saints have struggled through negotiations during the offseason, with the two sides remaining far apart. They have until July 16 to agree to a long-term contract or Brees must play under his one-year franchise tender in 2012, worth $16.371 million. In its letter to NFL commissioner Roger Goodell asking the league to check into the Saints' negotiations with Brees, the NFLPA vowed to file a complaint with the National Labor Relations Board if the league doesn't start an investigation before the July 16 deadline. Why would a team jerk with its most important player, a legitimate MVP candidate and the man who led the franchise to its first Super Bowl win? Apparently some members of the NFLPA believe the Saints might be punishing Brees for the vocal role he took during last year's lockout. He was one of the 10 named plaintiffs on the antitrust suit filed against the league during the work stoppage, but the Saints’ reluctance to give him the new deal he wants seems to reek more of being cheap than vindictive. The union specifically wants the NFL to investigate whether the Saints had violated Article 49, Section 1 of the collective bargaining agreement, which states: "No Discrimination: There shall be no discrimination in any form against any player by the NFL, the Management Council, any Club or by the NFLPA because of race, religion, national origin, sexual orientation, or activity or lack of activity on behalf of the NFLPA." Saints general manager Mickey Loomis submitted a revised proposal to Brees' representatives earlier this month, but the offer was not enough to break the stalemate. Mix in a grievance hearing that took place Wednesday morning with arbitrator Stephen Burbank to determine the designation of Brees' franchise tag was legal and it’s fair to say that a seemingly simple struggle over a player wanting north of $20 million a season has evolved into a much bigger issue……….

- The multinational indie rock outfit known as Guillemots are an ambitious lot. In a time when most artists are content to release a single 10-song, 38-minute album every two years, Guillemots are aiming higher – much higher. The band plans to release four albums over the course of the next six months. While they may not be Grateful Dead-length efforts, the four LPs are still a sizeable undertaking in a six-month span. The first of the four albums is entitled 'Hello Land!' and is out now. Described by the band as an "ode to springtime," it was produced by Jonas Raabe and features the Norwegian Flute Ensemble. Yes, a flute ensemble and a Norwegian one at that. Making the album all the more eclectic and inherently indie, the band have said that the music has all been made in the Norwegian countryside in "our little Narnia.” A fuller description of the LP was offered on the band’s official website, Guillemots.com. “We decided last year that we didn't really want to make another record in the traditional cycle where you record an album, as a press campaign builds up to its release, and then tour it for months afterwards,” the message explains. "It feels way more exciting to make as much music as we can, put it out as soon as it's ready, and let people gradually find out about it through the year." Still, at the end of the year all four albums will be released in a box for those who still prefer to have an album in a more traditional, collective form………

- Now THAT is how opposition groups accomplish important goals. As the civil war rages on in Syria and despot Bashar al-Assad continues to deny that his forces are murdering civilians and obliterating cities, ordinary Syrians are rising up and fighting back. On Wednesday, a few of those ordinary Syrians took the fight to a pro-government TV station Wednesday near the Syrian capital, Damascus, and stormed the building. Inside, they killed seven employees and sent a clear message as world powers prepared for a high-level meeting that the U.S. hopes will be a turning point in the crisis. Special envoy Kofi Annan will host a gathering Saturday in Geneva for the five permanent members of the U.N. Security Council — including Syrian allies Russia and China to discuss what can be done to prevent further bloodshed in the conflict. Russia continues to be the poop in the ice cream of conflict resolution by refusing to agree to any sort of outside intervention in the crisis or to removing the decades-old Assad family control of Syria. Assad has magnanimously taken to admitting his country is in "a genuine state of war," but has warned that any military involvement from other nations would have dire consequences. He also continues to deny there is any popular will behind the uprising, which is in its 16th month. Witness accounts of the attack on the Al-Ikhbariya TV station in the town of Drousha, about 14 miles south of Damascus, told of bloodstains and bullet holes around the compound. The attack damaged the five portable buildings used for offices and studios by Al-Ikhbariya, which is privately owned but strongly supports the regime. Information Minister Omran al- Zoebi went with the party line in describing the attack, blaming terrorists, or at the rest of the world calls them, rebels against fascist regime. Only a small number of staffers were at the complex during the attack, which occurred just before 4 a.m. Several guards were reportedly taken hostage by the rebels. The station was back on the air within a few hours……….

Police employing the homeless, a key loss for coke smugglers and the Knicks knocked down again

- Dammit. The Ecuadorian coast guard is NOT helping the cokeheads of the Western Hemisphere any favors and seizing a semisubmersible capable of transporting 10 to 15 tons of cocaine is a major shot across the bow of cartels and junkies alike. While the vessel was under construction on a small island in the Gulf of Guayaquil and not quite seaworthy just yet, it could have been a major weapon in the battle to bring 8 balls, dime bags and bricks of the Colombian nose candy north. In an official statement, the coast guard says in a statement that the vessel was 50 feet long and 13 feet wide and estimated that the project was about 70 percent finished. The craft was reportedly similar to a semisubmersible seized Monday by Colombia off the neighboring country's southwest coast, so it has been a thoroughly terrible week for druggies needing to get their fix as cheap as possible. Manufacturing these semisubmersible crafts is apparently growing into a cottage industry in Ecuador, as the one discovered Tuesday was the second semisubmersible found this year in the country. These knock-off versions of actual submarines move just below the water's surface, requiring air intake and exhaust pipes as they are powered by internal combustion engines. They are a common method of smuggling cocaine to Mexico for transit to the United States and if the militaries of various South and Latin American nations are going to continue seizing them and hamstringing those who rely on them to do business, the cost of being a cokehead is going to become too high for a lot of addicts to continue the way of life to which they have become accustomed……….

- Putting laid-off police officers and educators back to work has been a frequent campaign promise on both side of political spectrum during the increasingly combative presidential campaign, but for now times remain tough for school districts and law enforcement agencies. To cope with budgetary shortfalls, police departments are trying all sorts of creative initiatives to do their jobs with a minimum of resources. The Marysville (Calif.) Police Department is caught in just such a bind and while the problem of vandalism at a local cemetery isn't exactly at the top of the list in a world where murders, robberies and rapes are all too common, the MPD is seeking options to police the historic Marysville Cemetery, which has sustained $28,000 in damage over the past year. To keep an eye out for cemetery shenanigans, the department has hired a homeless man to be the caretaker for the property and in return, Donald "Shortstack" Oliver will get a place to live. Oliver will live in a city-leased trailer overlooking the cemetery and watch for any sort of criminal activity on the property. "I never thought in my lifetime I'd be overseeing a graveyard, but hey the good Lord has his ways," Oliver said. He has been homeless for three years, but has gained a reputation around town for going out of his way to help fellow homeless people and police. His trustworthiness has led police to believe that he can oversee the gravestones that date to 1850. "You should respect the people who are buried here. Each life, every headstone has a story.
 It represents a life that's been lived and you should respect that," Oliver proclaimed. He and his dog Rosie hope to combat the vandalism problem as a group of volunteers from the Marysville Cemetery Commission seek to restore old gravesites. When he’s not keeping an eye out for evildoers, Oliver clears brush from the cemetery, which is next to a high school and a popular bike trail. Perhaps his stroke of positive fortune will lead to other good things in the future for a man who seems to deserve a break……….

- Napping it out: It’s a solid life strategy for the successful, not just for slackers. A research team from Northwestern University provided credence to the philosophy espoused by successful coaches, athletes and entertainers, including North Carolina basketball coach Roy Williams and two-time NBA MVP Steve Nash, that napping it out for half an hour or an hour in the middle of the day actually paves the way for increased productivity. The Northwestern team asked volunteers to learn how to play two artificially generated musical tunes requiring well-timed key presses. They recorded the songs and played one of them while the participants took a 90-minute nap, but did not play the second song. After waking from their nap, participants made fewer errors trying to play the song that was played while they slept, compared to the one that was not played during their nap. The findings build on existing evidence suggesting memories can be reactivated during sleep and storage of them can be strengthened in the process, according to Northwestern psychology Professor Ken Paller. "Our results extend prior research by showing that external stimulation during sleep can influence a complex skill," Paller said. While the findings don’t mean throwing on a Rosetta Stone CD while you sleep will allow you to learn Russian or Mandarin Chinese faster, they do indicated that a person can strengthen their grasp on something that is already in their mind. "The critical difference is that our research shows that memory is strengthened for something you've already learned," study co-author Paul J. Reber said. "Rather than learning something new in your sleep, we're talking about enhancing an existing memory by re-activating information recently acquired." Yet another reason why it pays to nap it out……….

- After a season that didn’t exactly surpass expectations, the New York Knicks aren't exactly having a stellar offseason. First, 11-time NBA champion Phil Jackson blasted their roster’s construction as “clumsy” and suggested stars Amare Stoudemire and Carmelo Anthony didn’t fit well together after he wasn’t contacted as a possible head coaching candidate. Then there was Anthony showing up for the unveiling of his own wax figure at Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum in New York and insisting that with LeBron James having finally won a ring, “My time is coming.” There was no talk of “our time” or raising the Knicks up with him, only boasting about him winning a ring soon. Now there is Stoudemire, slapped with a $50,000 fine by the NBA for sending out a gay slur in a direct message to one of his Twitter followers. Stu Jackson, the league's executive vice president of basketball operations, announced the fine Tuesday in a release, labeling Stoudemire's language offensive and derogatory. While Stoudemire was at least smart enough not to use the slur in a tweet that all of his followers could see, the end result was the same after the fan, @BFerrelli, challenged the All-Star to "make up for this past season." Stoudemire, smart enough not to tweet his slur back but still dumb enough to get hooked by a fan, sent d a direct message containing an expletive and the slur. The message came from the account Twitter verifies as Stoudemire's and @BFerrelli, identified as Brian Ferrelli, posted a screen shot of the direct message. Realizing how bad he looked, Stoudemire apologized Sunday to Ferrelli and also issued an apology in a statement on Tuesday. "I am a huge supporter of civil rights for all people," he said. "I am disappointed in myself for my statement to a fan. I should have known better and there is no excuse." No, there’s not and the stigma from your slur is going to stick with you much longer than the impact of that measly $50,000 fine, Amare……….

- Clearly, anything can be turned into a musical or Broadway show these days. Mike Tyson has shoehorned his bizarre life story into a one man show slated for a run on the Great White Way next month and across the Atlantic Ocean, a thoroughly ridiculous effort is coming to the state of the West End's Piccadilly Theatre. Truly forgettable ‘90s girl pop group Spice Girls will be saluted in a musical based on their greatest hits, which should make it a very short show if the term hits is to be taken literally. To announce the musical, Spice Skanks members Victoria Beckham, Melanie Chisholm, Emma Bunton, Geri Halliwell and Melanie Brown reunited Tuesday for the first time since 2008, gathering at the St. Pancras Renaissance Hotel to promote the show. The appearance was a look to the future as well as an homage to the past, as the five of them posed for pictures on the staircase at the hotel where they shot the 1996 music video for their single track "Wannabe.” "Good morning London!! Song of the Day (is) Reunited (by) Peaches and Herb... Sunny day in London, so nice being home!!!" Beckham wrote on her Twitter account. Brown was equally cheery and slightly more profane, tweeting, "Whoop whoop where my spice biatches at!!!... Lovin All spice fans always!” Because no one is going to pay for a musical featuring the zeros and zeros of actual, legitimate hits the group had, producers have loosened the definition of the term and will feature 18 of the Spice Skanks’ songs in the show when it opens in December. The group formed in 1994, but have obviously gone their separate ways to varying degrees of failure since splitting up in 2001 and briefly reuniting in 2006……….

Haitian uprisings, Playboy model lifers and electric cars in California

- Josh Hamilton is having an MVP-quality year for the Texas Rangers, but even his life still has its challenges. In between bashing home runs for the first-place Rangers and having a Hollywood screenwriter turn his life story into a movie script, Hamilton is trying to stop his chewing tobacco habit. He said Monday that he's stopped dipping the past two days and is instead using some tea tree oil and menthol toothpicks that teammate Brandon Snyder gave him. "It was time to do it," Hamilton said. "It's a habit and I don't really enjoy it like I used to." He has quit in the past, but has always returned to the habit. Having beaten drug and alcohol addictions in the past, chewing tobacco should not be his most difficult fight and if special oils and toothpicks, so be it. "The tea tree oil helps kill all the bacteria in your mouth, so it's really good for you. The menthol is like a mint, but it's for your oral fixation, the habit of having something in your mouth," said Snyder. As he attempts to beat back tobacco, Hamilton is also trying to break a recent slump. He is hitting just .194 in June with one homer and seven RBIs after winning AL player of the month honors for April and May, but is still hitting .319 on the season. Throw in the intestinal virus he has battled the past few weeks and life is suddenly no picnic for Hamilton. Manager Ron Washington, who has himself used cocaine in the past, is trying to get his star back in the right frame of mind. "I'm not trying to put too much on Hamilton's mind," Washington said. "He'll figure it out. It's not going to be a quick fix." His struggles at the plate are hurting his chances of another MVP award and his team’s chances for a return trip to the playoffs, but his addiction to chewing tobacco could well kill a lot more than that if he doesn’t quit. It should make for another interesting inclusion in that move script……..

-  Tesla: A name synonymous with retro rock and now, electric cars. The Tesla that manufactures automobiles has cranked out its first round of first mass-market sedans and must now wait to see if the cars will be successful on the road. Ten of the sedans, called the Model S, rolled off the production line at the company's Fremont factory during a weekend ceremony that was part pep rally, part corporate gathering. A lineup of self-important luminaries, including California Gov. Jerry Brown, spoke to the crowd of thousands, which erupted in cheers as the first cars left the building. Tesla Motors, a Palo Alto-based company that is the brainchild of PayPal billionaire and SpaceX founder Elon Musk, claims 10,000 people have put down a refundable deposit for the five-seat sedan and officials say they expect to sell close to 5,000 this year. "This is another example of California on the move," Brown told the crowd. "This is a great car. You're a bunch of great workers." Tesla Vice President George Blankenship explained that the cars would be delivered using a  "personal delivery program." One of the cars was headed to Palo Alto, while two others were going to buyers in Chicago. "Arguably, it may be the most beautiful sedan in the marketplace," a rather biased Blankenship said. The Model S is an expensive whip, selling for $49,900 after a tax credit. It can go approximately 155 miles on a single charge and Tesla is hoping the car sells well after it lost nearly $1 billion selling an earlier model, a high-end electric sports car called the Roadster. Just 2,150 Roadsters have been sold since 2008 and Tesla’s hopes for surviving in the auto world are fading fast. Musk doesn’t fail in business often, but if the Model S bombs out, this could be one such occasion……. 

- Damn you, bears. America has had enough and thanks to the gun-loving nuts of the National Rifle Association, many of us are licensed to pack hat. As such, your furry selves need to be aware that more incidents like the one that took place Sunday morning at Ponderosa Campground in the Tonto National Forest will not be tolerated. The man, whose identity was not disclosed, was a Tempe resident who was injured after a bear attacked him in his tent, gaming officials said. It was the third attack in the Tonto National Forest since May 31 and two of the attacks have occurred at Ponderosa Campground. Sunday’s attack caused park officials to temporarily close the campground and the closure includes Christopher Creek and Sharp Creek campgrounds, said Forest Supervisor Neil Bosworth. "We simply cannot ensure camper safety in these areas and need to take more immediate steps to protect the public," Bosworth said. Wrong-O, Neil. You CAN ensure camper safety and it can be done with five simple words: dudes with high-powered rifles. Station a sharpshooter in a high perch near the camping area and if a bear attacks, put that beast down. Rather than close the campgrounds until July 15, put some bullets in some bear skulls and see if that doesn’t solve the problem. The Arizona Game and Fish Department said that during Sunday’s attack, the victim suffered lacerations and bites to his head and arm when the bear entered his tent and attacked him. His fiancée and a 1-year-old child were also in the tent, but they escaped unharmed and sounded the alarm so other campers could get away from the area. Shortly after the attack, a camper at a nearby campsite shot at the bear several times with a handgun at close range, but the bear left the area and it was not known if any of the shots found their mark. "Extensive efforts are being made to locate and remove the animal for the public's safety, which is our top priority," said Rod Lucas, regional supervisor for the AGFD. In the two previous attacks, a 74-year-old woman at Ponderosa Campground was clawed during the night by a bear and suffered bruises and a laceration on her scalp and Glendale resident Jason Amperse was bitten by a bear and suffered a bite mark on his right leg and claw marks on his left leg. Connections between the attacks are irrelevant because the only numbers that matter are three and seven, as in three attacks in the past month and seven in the past 22 years. Whether it is the state's drought and scarce wildlife food resources that wildlife officials blame for the bears’ aggressive behavior or not, the time has come for the humans – the ones in this battle with opposable thumbs – to literally fire back…………

- A few months away from turning 40, Jenny McCarthy is proving that her life really hasn’t gone anywhere in the past two decades. The host of NBC’s crap-tacularly awful reality “dating” series “Love in the Wild” as well as a veteran of scores of equally forgettable TV series over the years, McCarthy is set to make her seventh – SEVENTH – appearance sans clothes in the pages of Playboy. Not only that, she will grace the cover of the July/August issue that hits newsstands Friday. While some might argue that a woman still being deemed attractive enough to pose for the cover of a sleazy skin mag at age 40 is a sign that she is in great shape and still desirable, the fact that McCarthy hasn’t found anything better to do with her life in the past 15-20 years than make some extra cash by taking off her clothes for millions of desperate, horny dudes to enjoy is more than a little sad – just don’t tell her that. "I'm really proud of it," McCarthy proclaimed. "The pictures are really gorgeous and classy. They could be out of W magazine. They're really elegant. It's probably a lot more sophisticated than a lot of the stuff you'd see of people with their clothes on." Oh, the old, “They’re really classy and well done and I had TOTAL artistic control” explanation for why your primary skill in life is being ogle-able for men who peruse skin mags for the articles. McCarthy also explained that she likes posing for Hugh Hefner’s publication because the magazine doesn’t glamorize only thin women – although it could be easily argued that having women take their clothes off for money doesn’t glamorize them at all. "The one thing I like about Playboy is they don't have the anorexic look," she said. "The women are voluptuous. So I didn't really want to diet. I just wanted to tone up." Best of success in finding something better to do with your life so you don’t end up back on the pages of Playboy and hosting reality shows five or 10 years from now, J………..

  

- Start small and build it big, angry Haitians.  The sight of more than 1,000 Haitians marching through the capital city of Port-au-Prince Monday to protest a reported plan to destroy their hillside shanties for a flood-control project before they find better, more permanent dwellings is inspiring, but the scale of the effort needs to increase rapidly if this effort is going any place significant. The government wants to demolish the shelters, which were built in the wake of a devastating earthquake. In one of the poorest nations in the world, that sort of idea riles the masses and so it was Monday as protestors marched and police overreacted by firing ear gas in an attempt to control the protesters, some of whom threw rocks. The march wound through the Port-au-Prince metropolitan area, fueled by the chanting of threats to burn down the affluent district where the shanties sit if the authorities flatten the disputed homes. Arson threats command attention and those chants were a smart play. Pierre Andre Gedeon, the No. 2 official at the Environment Ministry, inspired the uprising last week when he said during a local radio broadcast that officials want to demolish several hundred homes to build channels and reforest the hillsides in an effort to curb the deadly floods that come with the annual rainy season. Sure, the goal itself is noble, but that doesn’t make suddenly homeless people feel better. The majority of the threatened homes are in Jalousie, a cinderblock shantytown that spreads across a mountainside alongside the affluent city of Petionville that comprises the Port-au-Prince metro area. Maybe if President Michel Martelly had followed through on his promise to build homes destroyed in the 2010 earthquake, the protest wouldn’t have been necessary. Yes, the government is building hundreds of homes north of the capital, but not nearly enough homes. Housing issues are not new in the city of some 3 million and many homes crash down the hills every year during the country's rainy seasons. The pertinent question is why it took so long for a protest like this to take place. Big ups to the protestors who kicked the march off by hurling rocks at a towering hotel financed in part by the Clinton Bush Haiti Fund. In a country where there is little to do other than figure out where one’s next meal and next night of sleep will come from, a protest or riot is a great way to pass the time while also making an emphatic point………..

Fleeting pop stardom, Greece v. Macedonia and Lana Del Rey is scared

- The world is going to be a scary place for a long, long time for pop music hack Lana Del Rey. She has no discernable musical talent an apparently, the reality that people will recognize her complete limitations and decide they don’t want to listen to the garbage she calls music is terrifying to her. She admitted she found it "scary" when people decided they didn't like her following her rise to her 15 minutes of fame last year. On the “strength” of her chart-topping single “Video Games,” Del Rey achieved a few fleeting minutes of fame and is now on her way to fading right back into the obscurity from whence she came. "What's scary is when you have your focus on being a writer for 10 years, and after that people decide they don't like you," she said. "That's off-putting, because when you've put all your work into crafting words and melodies, and then people start just thinking about you and judging you as a person that's a little off-putting. But the rest of it isn't scary, it's just sort of different." Know what else is off-putting, L? Your gawd-awful music, that’s what. Del Rey seems to believe, mistakenly, that she is being judged for her personality rather than her musical ability.

 Believing that people are criticizing you because they have some false image of who you are is a nice way to divert attention from the fact that your music is absolute sh*t and that’s why hate is flowing your way. Del Rey is currently on tour promoting her one and only album and is set to play a host of UK festivals in the next few weeks…………

- Greece and Macedonia, can the two of you not learn how to play nice and just get along? For that to happen, Greek border authorities will probably need to stop placing stickers on Macedonian cars that have license plates with the country designator MK. License plates in all European Union nations have a two-letter designator indicating what country they are from and the country codes are at the heart of an ongoing territorial dispute between the two nations. Since Macedonia gained independence from Yugoslavia in 1991, the Greek government has argued that the MK moniker implies a territorial claim on its northern region of Macedonia — a claim rejected by its neighbor. Macedonian Foreign Minister Nikola Poposki responded furiously Monday after border agents began applying the stickers, which are written in Greek and English with the message "Recognized by Greece as FYROM" — referring to the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia — the country's provisional name at the United Nations. Poposki called the action "illegal and a pointless provocation." Greece continues to c*ck-block Macedonia's accession to NATO over the dispute even though more than 130 nations recognize the country as Macedonia. Subscribing to the theory that stickers on cars win wars and are the most effective tool in making a statement like your child being an honor student at Anytown Junior High or asking why we can’t all just coexist is risky, but credit to the Greeks for throwing some much-needed business the way of their local Kinkos to crank out thousands of stickers. That should be just what Greece needs to get its economy going…………

- The end of a football player’s college career and his transition to the NFL can be a stressful time. Leaving behind the world of showing up for class occasionally and wearing your sweats when you do attend, subsisting on ramen noodles and Easy Mac for weeks on end and trying to find a kegger to enjoy every night of your weekend and becoming a professional is challenging. Being paid to play and having your new team expect professionalism and responsibility is not always easy and for some players, the strain is tough to handle. Count new Seattle Seahawks – SEATTLE SEAHAWKS – defensive end Bruce Irvin as one of the guys for whom the transition has been a bit overwhelming. Irvin, who balled at big-time party school West Virginia and may have boozed away one too many brain cells during his time in Morgantown, is trying to settle in to his new home in the Pacific Northwest and during an offseason camp, he appeared on The Real Rob Report, a production of Seahawks Pro Bowl fullback Michael Robinson. Asked to predict what impact he will have on his new team, Irvin predicted he will have double-digit sacks in his rookie season, but refused to pick a specific number in order to avoid jinxing himself. The interview then came off the rails when Irvin discussed the moment he learned he’d been drafted by Seattle. “I saw a Washington number,” Irvin said. “I said, ‘Who’s calling me from Washington?’ Picked it up, it was John Schneider. They asked me if I wanted to be a Redskin and I was like, ‘Hell yeah.’ It’s a great organization.” Umm….Bruce….you play in Washington STATE, not Washington, D.C. You’re a Seahawk, not a Redskin. You may want to figure that out before you put on that helmet with a picture of a bird on both sides, not a picture of a Native American with a feather in his hair. Robinson interrupted Irvin after his misspeak, asking, “Asked if you wanted to be a who?” Realizing what he had done, Irvin kept it laugh and tried to laugh it off. “I mean a Seahawk,” Irvin said with a chuckle. “I f–ked up. I f–ked up.” Seattle fans had better hope the team didn’t f*ck up by selecting him with the 15th overall pick and if he can live up to his lofty expectations for his rookie season, he’ll be the one who is laughing………

- Stonehenge has remained one of the most compelling mysteries in the world for decades. Theories abound to explain how it was built, why it was built and what it means. A tea of researchers from the University of Sheffield’s Department of Archaeology have spent the past decade digging (no pun intended) in to the mystery of the site and of course, they have a theory of their own. The British archaeologists have proposed that the rocky site may represent a monument to unity among the dwindling peoples of the ancient British west. It’s a simple, non-glamorous concept, so of course it won't gain much traction with the conspiracy theory-loving masses. Sheffield professor Mike Parker Pearson has written a book about the study, titled “Stonehenge: Exploring the Greatest Stone Age Mystery,” and states in the book that his team believes that indicators at the site reveal that the monument’s construction required a tremendous amount of cooperation between the various groups inhabiting western Britain when Stonehenge was erected around 4,000 to 4,500 years ago. The unusual monument sits on a grassy plain near Salisbury, and is constructed of massive blocks of stone arranged in a very ordered way. Inquiring minds have been attempting to unravel Stonehenge’s mysteries since 1130 A.D., when an English historian said that “no one can conceive how such great stones have been so raised aloft, or why they were built here.” Among the theories are aliens building the monument to it being a tribute to an ancient fertility god. More sensible minds have credited the structure to the influences of architecture of the time in which is was supposedly built. Stonehenge appears to have been the last gasp of the Stone Age culture of Britain’s Neolithic people, who were isolated from the rest of Europe for centuries. The Sheffield team noted the vast resources and thousands of workers that would have been required for the project and thus, point to Stonehenge as a unifying force among the people in the area. They also believe that Stonehenge’s location was chosen on the basis of a natural coincidence because its main avenue lined up with the sunrises of the yearly solstices and also with features in the surrounding landscape. “When we stumbled across this extraordinary natural arrangement of the sun’s path being marked in the land, we realized that prehistoric people selected this place to build Stonehenge because of its pre-ordained significance,” Parker said. And so is fired another shot across the bow of those rooting for aliens to be the true creators of one of the world’s greatest wonders………..

- For small, local breweries looking to find their niche and build their brand, coming up with the perfect flavor and ideal sales gimmick is essential. These are two of the primary means a small brewery has for distinguishing itself from the massive population of microbrews and homemade beers on the market. For the Rogue Brewery in Portland, Ore., the quest for a unique adult beverage gas taken a disturbing turn inspired by the hirsute facial fashions of brew master John Maier. Maier has been channeling his inner NHLer during a playoff run since 1978, growing a thoroughly ridiculous beard that is equal parts revolting and astonishing. Like any group of dudes given enough time and sufficient lack of control, Maier and his boys decided to send a sample from his beard in for scientific testing to see what it contained. Combine that burst of stupidity with the need for a new yeast strain for their beer and….bam, there it was. The beard yeast turend out to be perfect for making beer. “I think people are going to be excited about it,” said Rogue Brewery employee John Couchot. “I mean this really is the needle in the haystack, and to find it on our brewmaster is phenomenal." Excited is not the reaction most beer drinkers will have; revolted is probably a better description. However, the public can rest assured that Rogue Brewery is not going to simply unleash this follicular brew on the world without doing its homework. The beard yeast is currently being used in test brews and the finished product is scheduled to be released early next year………..

Riot Watch! Sudan, wine for mothers-to-be and MLB bounties

- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Sudan isn't only feuding with its former friends who seceded and formed the new nation of Southern Sudan, it is also tearing apart from the inside. Both the government and the president found themselves on the receiving end of some pointed rage from their constituents throughout this past week. The uprising culminated in violent clashes Saturday between police and protestors who gathered to demonstrate against government austerity measures and call for the president's ouster. An increasing number of angry Sudanese have rallied in the capital against government spending cuts and other measures over the past seven days and many of them were angry enough to lob rocks at police, burn tires and police trucks and block off roads. Friday’s festivities began after Friday prayers, with crowds pushing for the toppling of President Omar al-Bashir. "Leave, Bashir, leave!" they chanted. "Khartoum, people, please revolt against humiliation and dictatorship." That led to head of Sudan's police force having a little Saturday refresher course with his officers on how to deal with riots, groups targeting property and arbitrary road closures by protesters "in accordance with the laws." Gen. Hashim Osman Hussein also made a public plea with citizens to "cooperate with the police in doing its job to enforce the law aimed at securing the homeland and its citizens.” Bzzzzzzzzzz! Wrong-O, Gen. Hussein. If the people need to rise up and brawl with The Man to make their voice heard, so be it. Officers responded with a typical show of excessive force, detaining a number of opposition figures and using batons to beat down as many protestors as possible. None of Saturday’s excitement would have been possible without a televised speech on state media last week in which al-Bashir pleaded with citizens to understand the new harsh austerity measures, which lifted fuel subsidies and cut the Cabinet by half to reduce expenses. Instead, opposition groups continued the buildup toward their vow to hold mass rallies June 30, when the ruling party celebrates 24 years in power. Looks like more good times are straight ahead……….

- Major League Baseball now has its own bounty problems. Well, assuming that players putting a $5,000 bounty on knocking a baseball out of the park is a problem. That’s the amount Philadelphia Phillies closer Jonathan Papelbon paid teammate Jim Thome for saving the Philadelphia Phillies on Saturday after Papelbon blew a two-run lead in the top of the ninth inning. Thome, in his 22nd season and set to turn 42 later this year, hit a pinch-hit home run leading off the bottom of the ninth inning to lift the Phillies to a 7-6 win over the Tampa Bay Rays after Papelbon blew his first save chance in 18 tries this season. Prior to Thome stepping to the plate as a pinch-hitter, Papelbon informed him in the on-deck circle that he would give him $5,000 if he hit a homer. "That was a huge pickup by Jim Thome," Papelbon said. "I couldn't be happier for anybody in the clubhouse." Papelbon said he wrote the check in the clubhouse while admitting he needed to step his game up for the struggling Phillies, who are four games below .500 and 8.5 games out of first place in the National League East. "I've got to do a better job," Papelbon said. He needn’t be too harsh on himself, as the outing was the first one in which he allowed earned runs in a save situation this season. Thome, as he had done 12 times previously in his Hall of Fame-bound career, homered to win the game. His opposite-field blast off Jake McGee for home run No. 609 tied Sammy Sosa for seventh place on baseball's career list. "You never forget them," Thome said. "These are moments you never know how long you'll have them." Maybe Bud Selig doesn’t need to look in to this particular bounty after all……….

- Kooks of PETA, it has been not long enough. Your kook-tacular ways are never welcome, never sensible and never worth anyone’s time. So when a number of animals at a Duluth, Minn. zoo were killed amid flash flooding, it was only a matter of time before People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals stuck their nose in the middle of a tragedy and demanded that the zoo be held accountable for a natural disaster. Right on cue, PETA issued a press release calling for “appropriate charges” in response to the deaths of several animals at Lake Superior Zoo earlier this week after zoo workers reported several barnyard animals — which included a donkey, sheep, and goats — were killed Wednesday morning. A mini-horse named Darla was the only barn animal from the zoo that survived, although a number of other animals escaped their enclosures during the flooding, including Berlin the polar bear and Feisty and Vivian, a pair of seals. Why does PETA want charges pressed against zoo employees? Because apparently they should have been aware of the danger their animals faced due to flooding from the nearby creek two years ago. “The zoo failed to take necessary action to safeguard these animals’ lives, and those responsible must be criminally charged,” said Daphna Nachminovitch, vice president of cruelty investigations with PETA. Vice President Ass Hat and her cohorts believe the zoo violated Minnesota’s cruelty-to-animals statute and now, they want someone to pay…………

- It was a “Brave” new world at the movies this weekend as the animated flick from Disney debuted in first place, making $66.7 million in its first weekend. “Brave” trounced the competition and was the first part of a two-pronged animated grip on the top of the earning list, followed by “Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted” in second place. By adding another $20.2 million to its coffers, “Madagascar” upped its three-week total to $157.6 million. Newcomer and historical abomination “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” scored a third-place finish in its opening weekend with $16.5 million, a modest beginning for a much-hyped movie. “Prometheus” fell two spots to No. 4 and made $10 million to boost its three-week domestic total to $108.5 million. Tom Cruise’s portrayal of an ‘80s rock star continued to not impress audiences as “Rock of Ages” dipped to fifth place, making $8.2 million for a two-week haul of $28.7 million. Sixth place belonged to “Snow White and the Huntsman,” which notched an $8 million take and has fairy-taled its way to $137.1 million in one month of work. Not surprisingly, the last terrible Adam Sandler movie, the bomb-tastic “That’s My Boy,” went from fourth place in its opening weekend to seventh place in its second weekend, managing just $7.9 million and a two-week total of $28.1 million so far. “The Avengers” ranked eighth and added $7 million to its ginormous cumulative total of $598.3 million and counting. “MIB 3” held down the ninth spot with $5.6 million, while the Steve Carrell-led newcomer “Seeking a Friend for the End of the World” wrapped up the top 10 with $3.9 million. “Moonrise Kingdom” (No. 11), “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel” (No. 12) and “Battleship” (No. 14) all dropped out from last week’s top 10…………

- Raise a glass, mothers-to-be. Science now says it’s OK for you to consume a low or moderate level of alcohol in early pregnancy. A Danish study suggested one to eight drinks a week was not linked to developmental problems in 5 year olds. Granted, the study was done in a country where, “Have another beer” is pretty much the national mantra, but never mind that. In Denmark a standard drink has 12g of alcohol and lead authors Ulrik Schiøler Kesmodel of Aarhus University and Prof Erik Lykke Mortensen of the University of Copenhagen wrote in their findings that women should be able to safely drink no more than one or two units, once or twice a week. Binge drinking during pregnancy is still a bad idea, what with being inked to miscarriage, fetal alcohol syndrome and low birth weight, but drinking in moderation is not, according to Kesmodel and Mortensen. More than 1,600 pregnant women took part in the study after being recruited at their first antenatal visit. Half of them were first-time mothers and more than 500 were dumb enough to smoke during their pregnancy. However, this study was not about excoriating them for their stupidity and was instead about asking them questions concerning their alcohol intake. For purposes of the study, low average consumption was defined as one to four per week, moderate as five to eight drinks and high levels as nine or more per week. Binge drinking was defined as having five or more drinks on one occasion. During the study, researchers measured the effects of alcohol on IQ, attention span, executive functions such as planning, organization, and self-control in the five-year-olds who took part. For mothers who engaged in low to moderate weekly drinking in early pregnancy, there was no significant effect on neurodevelopment of children at the age of five. There were likewise no differences in IQ test results in children whose mothers drank one to four units per week or five to eight units per week in pregnancy compared with children of abstaining mothers. However, mothers who downed more than nine drinks per week had children with a significantly lower attention span. "High prenatal exposure to alcohol has consistently been associated with adverse effects on neurodevelopment,” Kesmodel and Mortensen wrote. "Areas such as intelligence, attention and executive functions have been found to be particularly vulnerable. Our findings show that low to moderate drinking is not associated with adverse effects on the children aged five." So instead of pouring one out, mothers in waiting can down pour one (or two) down the hatch and not be worried about harming their baby………..

Pakistani political chaos, Lance v. the feds and Newark's superhero mayor

- It’s one hell of a re-election campaign Newark (N.J.) mayor Cory Booker is running – and he’s not even up for re-election. When Booker does need the voters of his fine Garden State city to support him, he’ll have plenty of goodwill in the bank because by that point, he will probably have saved the lives of three-fourths of his constituents, or at least the life of someone they love. Booker, who was hospitalized for a few hours in April after he and two members of his security detail attempted to rescue next-door neighbors trapped in a burning home in the Upper Clinton Hill neighborhood on Hawthorne Avenue, was at it again Thursday morning. His latest heroic act came when he rushed to the aid of a man struck by a car. While seeing the accident before it happened and pulling the victim out of the way would have been awesome, Booker was on his way back from speaking at a graduation ceremony when he and his security came upon an accident scene at the corner of Clinton Avenue and Parkhurst Street. Police were on the scene, but Booker got out of his car and spotted a man in his 50s, bleeding profusely from his head, and lying in the street, unconscious. He sprinted the man’s side, held his hand and began to talk to him, according to his office. The man regained consciousness and asked  “Are you Mayor Booker?” Booker posted a series of tweets about the encounter, writing “Driver did the right thing & stayed & helped me & others aid man until medical help arrived,” followed by, “There is nothing more uplifting to the soul than human kindness and determined decency,” and the finale, “In a cynical world, good deeds resound more loudly than any negative words.” Unlike the heroic save from the house fire, Booker was not taken to a local hospital suffering from smoke inhalation and second-degree burns on his hand and simply walked away from this one……….

- Sonic Youth’s Thurston Moore is turning into the next incarnation of Jack White. White has more side projects and jobs than just about anyone else in rock even though the one he’s best-known for, the White Stripes, is now defunct. Moore is closing fast after the revelation this week that he, ex-wife and still fellow Sonic Youth member Kim Gordon and Yoko Ono are set to release a mini-album entitled “YOKOKIMTHURSTON” on Sept. 24. The six-track album will feature the 14-minute-long single, “Early In The Morning.” With the future of Sonic Youth in doubt after Gordon and Moore announced their split last October after 27 years of marriage and their record label, Matador, admitting that plans for the band remained "uncertain," Moore is adding to his musical to-do list by adding a new band he unveiled Friday, named Chelsea Light Moving.
The band features Keith Moore on guitar, Samara Lubelski on bass and John Moloney on drums and it definitely has eclectic origins, as its first release, “Burroughs,” is inspired by the last words of beatnik author William S. Burroughs. The band announced plans to debut a new track next week and should Sonic Youth not return from its indefinite hiatus, Moore should have plenty to keep himself busy and channel his creative energies now that his muse, Gordon, is no longer his loving wife……….

- The U.S. Anti-Doping Agency has fired and Lance Armstrong has fired back. Facing what only seems like the 157th doping allegation against him and his former cycling team, the seven-time Tour de France champion filed a scathing response Friday to USADA’s claims that Armstrong used performance-enhancing drugs and other improper methods to win cycling's premier event from 1999-2005. Friday was the final day of the 10-day time period for Armstrong and his legal team to respond to USADA's warning that charges were pending before his case moves to the next stage. After an initial denial of the charges, Armstrong filed a formal response and in it, accused the agency of violating its own rules and possibly breaking federal laws during its investigation. In an 11-page filing Armstrong's attorneys claimed they still haven't been allowed to see the evidence against him, including witness names and any expert analysis to support USADA's claim that 2009 and 2010 blood tests are "fully consistent" with blood doping. In facing a series of accusations from the federal government, former teammates and anti-doping agencies over the past decade, Armstrong has repeatedly said he is the most tested athlete in the world and has never failed a single test. He has steadfastly denied doping and reacted swiftly and angrily to each new claim again him. If he is found guilty of doping by USADA, he could be stripped of his titles and banned from cycling, though he retired from the sport last year. In the letter, Armstrong’s attorneys said USADA's case is "long on stale allegations disproved long ago and short on evidence" and "offensive to any notions of due process." USADA officials have denied access to a list of witness names and any expert analysis to support its claims, allegedly in order to protect witnesses from possible intimidation. With Armstrong’s response submitted, USADA will now decide whether to file formal charges. If the agency does so, the case could go to a three-person arbitration panel by November. The letter outlines Armstrong’s potential strategy, which focuses in his inability to mount a legitimate defense until he's able to see the evidence against him. In the event of an arbitration hearing, Armstrong will be allowed to review the evidence in advance and will be allowed to cross-examine witnesses. For its part, USADA claims it has 10 of Armstrong’s former teammates willing to testify that they either know he used performance-enhancing drugs or talked about using them and encouraged them within the team. Those PEDs allegedly included the blood-booster EPO, steroids and improper blood transfusions. Armstrong disputes those claims, believes investigators coerced false testimony from witnesses, questions whether USADA improperly gained access to testimony in a recent federal grand jury criminal investigation that ended in February and challenges d the 2009-10 blood tests, which were taken during his two-year comeback from retirement. The fight is on……….

- Facebook’s financial troubles just took a turn for the worse. A botched, possibly fraudulent initial public offering (IPO) of its stock was a bad first step and now, a court settlement in a class-action lawsuit by a group of users of the social networking site is set to take away a large chunk of cash from Mark Zuckerberg’s operation. The case had to do with the privacy and persona information of users and what Facebook does with that data. The company reportedly agreed to a settlement last month and as part of the agreement, it will pay $10 million to a charity as part of the settlement, $10 million for the plaintiff attorneys' fees and give users more notice and information regarding their appearance in ads and other forms of sponsored content. It will also allow users to opt out of its Sponsored Stories ads, which include users' Likes, names and pictures. According to the agreement, Facebook must give users the ability to "prevent individual interactions and other content from appearing in additional Sponsored Stories.” The lawsuit originated last year, when five Facebook users sued the company, alleging that the Sponsored Stories benefited from Facebook users' Likes without giving them compensation or a chance to opt out. Facebook took the wise route by settling, avoiding billions of dollars in potential losses. Under the terms of the agreement, the changes must remain in place for at least two years and Facebook's advertisements will also undergo changes. To answer the most obvious question, yes, you can still share your favorite memes, photos of yourself from two feet away taken from your camera phone and b*tch about whatever the latest site changes Facebook makes…………

- The governmental efficiency in Pakistan continues to plumb new depths and shows no signs of improving any time soon. Keeping a prime minister in office is a major problem at the moment and should continue to be an issue after lawmakers elected a ruling party loyalist with a checkered past to the post on Friday, restoring government to the country after days of political turmoil but creating a wave of speculation that Raja Pervaiz Ashraf could be ousted in a matter of days. His predecessor, Yousuf Raza Gilani, was dismissed by the Supreme Court earlier this week for refusing to initiate a corruption investigation against his boss, President Asif Ali Zardari. In a nuclear-armed country locked in a pitched battle with the United States over the latter’s continued drone strikes within Pakistan, political turbulence is not helping calm matters. Ashraf was selected after the first choice for the post, outgoing textile minister Makhdoom Shahabuddin, was removed from the race by the minor, nagging issue of an arrest warrant for his role in a drug import scandal. An anti-narcotics force run by the military issued the warrant. The force wields significant political power and has staged three coups in Pakistan's short history. A coalition within the parliament elected Ashraf as prime minister by a vote of 211 to 89. Ashraf addressed lawmakers after his election, telling them the economy, the power crisis and inflation were his main priorities. "Our country cannot afford politics of confrontation at this time," he said. He spoke in both Urdu and English during the speech and warned there would be no peace in Pakistan without peace in Afghanistan. As he takes power, the current government faces an earlier-than-expected end to its term, which was scheduled to conclude in March 2013. Ashraf could also be on his way out if the Supreme Court — a panel of activist judges — does as it is expected to do and issues the same demand to him as it made to Gilani. The case dates back to allegations that Zardari laundered state money in Switzerland more than a decade ago and has now become a giant political hand grenade no one wants to handle. As he assumes power, Ashraf doesn’t have much goodwill in the bank. He served as head of the water and power ministry for three years and became a punch line for claiming the power crisis would be over by "December" only to have daily blackouts and other issues occur routinely in the months that followed. Critics suggested the coalition chose Ashraf because they knew he wouldn't last long in office and didn’t want to “waste” an appointee of whom they thought highly in a no-win situation. Wonder if they considered Mitt Romney………

Uruguay legalizes government pot sales, Babara Streisand to direct again and ice on the moon

- Stoners, now is the time to apply for Uruguayan citizenship. Where the United States and other so-called world powers are failing, Uruguay is embracing a novel approach to Latin America's growing fatigue with the war on drugs. The idea is simple: a plan announced by Under Defense Minister Eleuterio Fernández Huidobro Wednesday under which the country would normalize marijuana use and hand over its distribution and marketing to the government. Simply put, Uruguay is going to legalize the sale and use of the hippie lettuce for citizens 18 and older. Huidobro said the government would try to attain "regulated and controlled legalization" on the grounds that the prohibition of drugs and the violence that entails is causing "more problems than the drugs themselves." Forming a nice, neat (and mellow) circle, the government would then se the revenue from its role as marijuana vendor to fund drug-rehabilitation programs. If enacted, the program would make Uruguay the first country in the world where the state took charge of selling marijuana to its citizens. "We are doing this for the young people, because the traditional approach hasn't worked," Uruguayan President José Mujica said during the Rio+20 environmental conference.  "We have to find another way, and some may find this way too bold. Uruguay is a small country, where these sort of things are easier to do.” Exactly, do it for the young people. Legalizing the sale of ganja by the government wouldn’t be a huge leap forward in a country where the use of the chron isn't illegal. Other Latin countries, including Argentina Brazil and Mexico, have liberalized policies on the use of small quantities of narcotics and Uruguay is seeking to follow suit. The only loud voices of dissent on the plan so far are stick-up-the-butt opposition leaders who have complained that rather than address a pressing need to combat insecurity, the government is instead proposing the legalization of drugs. In a country where there are 150,000 consumers of pot out of a population of 3.3 million and where marijuana is a $750 million a year business, maybe that’s not the worst idea………..

- She’s baaaack. Singer and actress Barbra Streisand has been out of the directing business for 16 years, but the "Funny Girl" actress is itching for a return to the director’s chair. Streisand's spokesman on Thursday confirmed that Streisand wants to direct "Skinny and Cat," a love story about late writer Erskine Caldwell and his late wife, American photojournalist Margaret Bourke-White. The project would be her first as a director since "The Mirror Has Two Faces" in 1996. Why now and why this particular project? It could have something to do with the fact that Oscar-winning stars Colin Firth and Cate Blanchett are reportedly attached to play the leads. On the negative side, the project doesn’t have an official green light yet because of financing issues. Having Streisand, Firth and Blanchett all on board could go a long way toward resolving those issues. It was reported last week that screenwriter Linda Yellen’s project needs an additional $20 to finance operations and fundraising was proving to be a difficult task. Meanwhile, Streisand is also working on a movie adaptation of the stage musical "Gypsy" in which she would star, with "Downton Abbey" creator Julian Fellowes adapting the Stephen Sondheim and Arthur Laurents musical for the screen. That Streisand has this much energy and drive at age 70, when she has nothing left to prove, is impressive and if she can pull off “Skinny and Cat” and make a mostly droll project interesting on the big screen, she’ll earn even more cred………..

- Party on the moon, y’all! According to NASA, there is a massive crater on the surface of the moon that could hold water in the form of ice. Ice means party because no one wants a warm drink at a good party and if the moon has ice, it’s time to bring in the turn tables, inflatables and DJ and get the party on. Or, as NASA officials have suggested, a (yawn) lunar base. NASA scientists investigated Shackleton Crater, a crater located almost directly on the moon’s south pole and named after the Antarctic explorer Sir Ernest Shackleton. The massive crater is more than 12 miles wide and 2 miles deep, making it nearly as deep as Earth’s oceans. Making it the perfect place for the aforementioned party, the crater exists in permanent shadow so obviously, glowsticks are in. Right now, scientists aren’t sure how many mysteries lay at the bottom of the crater. The research team, led by Maria Zuber of MIT’s Department of Earth, Atmospheric and Planetary Sciences, intends to find out. They used an instrument called a laser altimeter aboard NASA’s Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter (LRO) to create a highly detailed topographical map of the crater. “Water ice in amounts of up to 20 percent is a viable possibility,” said lead author Maria Zuber, a geophysicist at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. “Don’t get your hopes up, though. The amount of ice in Shackleton Crater “can also be much less, conceivably as little as zero.” Oh no you don’t, Zuber. Don’t be a buzzkill on this one. Simply mapping the crater’s elevations and brightness in extreme detail doesn’t mean you can rain on this parade. The mapping process was perfectly facilitated because the LRO’s path takes it nearly directly over the crater as it orbits the moon from pole to pole as the moon rotates underneath. “We decided we would study the living daylights out of this crater,” Zuber said ironically. “From the incredible density of observations we were able to make an extremely detailed topographic map.” Researchers also used the laser altimeter to measure the crater’s brightness and it absorbed some light based on its own natural albedo, reflecting the rest back to the spacecraft. By calculating the difference, researchers mapped the relative brightness throughout the crater’s floor and walls. The findings support long-held suspicions that the crater is capable of holding moisture, but this project did not determine whether the crater actually holds a large chunk of ice. Zuber believes the water might be buried at extreme depths and NASA’s GRAIL mission will investigate that possibility. If there is a substantial amount of moisture, then Newt Gingrich’s dream of a moon colony has new life as well………

- Bitter ex-jocks are the best. They have a healthy reservoir of resentment because the world has moved on without them and because they are no longer the best in the world at something. Maybe they’re even irritated with the next generation for taking their place. Hall of Famer Rich "Goose" Gossage is one of those bitter ex-jocks and he has targeted his resentment toward the newly exonerated Roger Clemens. Clemens, the seven-time Cy Young Award winner who was acquitted Monday on all charges that he obstructed and lied to Congress in denying he used performance-enhancing drugs because the federal government horribly botched his case, could be back on track for Hall of Fame induction……but not if Gossage has any say. "Are we going to reward these guys for cheating?" Gossage asked during a radio interview. "Even though he was found innocent, it was because of the bad testimony. No one believed (Brian) McNamee and (Andy) Pettitte kind of changed his thing, 'Did I really hear what he told me.'” With Clemens appearing on the Hall of Fame ballot for the first time this fall, voters must decide whether or not a not guilty verdict in a court of law carries any weight for baseball’s highest honor. Gossage went so far as to compare the Clemens trial's outcome to the controversial 1995 verdict in the O.J. Simpson murder trial. "O.J. Simpson, did you believe he didn't kill those two people?" Gossage said Thursday. To further prove just who is clean in baseball and who isn’t, Gossage wants Congress to release the list of 104 names from the anonymous 2003 player survey on performance-enhancing drugs. "Release the whole list and let's get it out there on the table and see who tested positive for these things," Gossage said. In an ironic twist, Gossage candidly admitted he "probably would have" taken performance-enhancing drugs if the circumstances and timing of his career and the steroid era had been different. "I probably would have," Gossage said. But you don’t want a guy in because ‘roids were more prevalent in his era and he took them? Sounds like excellent logic………..

- Snake lovers are a freaky lot. No one who is mildly normal wants a large, scaly, muscular reptile that eats live mice writhing around in a cage in their bedroom or living room. But as odd as the average snake lover is, they do not tend to have the habit of leaving their five-foot jungle carpet python lounging inside a motel room. That terrifying scene (especially to Indiana Jones) greeted a motel maintenance worker in Myrtle Beach, S.C., who was surprised to find the large snake s hanging out on the windowsill of a room the worker was supposed to clean. Motel management said the snake belonged to the room's last guest, who left it behind. There is the obvious question of why a person would go to all the trouble of transporting and traveling with a snake, keeping it in a motel room and then leaving it behind. Why not release it into the wild? Upon discovering the snake, the motel manager contacted local animal control authorities, who apprehended the snake. They called a local snake enthusiast, who adopted the snake and plans to either keep it or find it a good home. As for the snake kook who decided to suddenly become an absent reptile owner and abandon his or her former pet….next time, find a local animal sanctuary and take care of the problem yourself………..