Saturday, November 13, 2010

Tanning beds in Russian prisons, Ferris Bueller keepsakes and R.J. Reynolds targeting hipsters

- Giving incarcerated felons much better treatment and more amenities than they deserve: It’s not just an American thing. The communists in Russia are apparently no different when it comes to lavishing ridiculous perks and bennies on inmates, as evidenced by the fact that one of Russia's most notorious prisons will soon install sunbeds to improve the health of its inmates. For a prison created in the likeness of a brick fortress, the 19th century Butyrka prison in central Moscow isn’t really known as a cosmopolitan, trendy place to be jailed. But perhaps the prison that has held famous news ranging from persecuted Soviet-era writers Alexander Solzhenitsyn and Isaak Babel to Adolf Hitler's nephew Heinrich is trying to change its image and tanning beds are where that change begins. "We are developing additional medical services ... and even sunbeds will be put in place," Butyrka's head Sergei Telyatnikov said - presumably with a straight face. Telyatnikov insisted that the tanning beds/cancer boxes would be used for medical purposes, which would certainly be a first. In the rest of the world, cancer boxes are used to blast the skin of naïve, paying customers/narcissists with artificial UV rays, giving them an orange-ish color year round while drastically upping their chances for skin cancer. Perhaps that data has yet to reach Russia or maybe the Russians just don’t care and are looking to off prisoners by any means possible, even if it means appealing to their vanity. After all, the nation’s prison system is overcrowded and poorly run, as the world learned during a period of intense scrutiny that followed the November 2009 death of jailed lawyer Sergei Magnitsky, who spent much of the last months of his life in Butyrka. Magnitsky (whose name is fun to say) died under questionable circumstances and his attorneys later argued that he was kept in custody illegally and not given proper medical treatment in prison despite repeated requests. In a shocking turn of events, the Federal Prison Service actually admitted it was partly responsible for Magnitsky's death. That was followed by the admission that almost half of Russia's inmates are ill, many infected with HIV or with tuberculosis. Officials blamed outdated medical equipment for the problem, by which they apparently meant a lack of tanning beds. In addition to adding cancer boxes to Butyrka, inmates will also have access to ultrasound systems to "check up on their health," and could even have spa facilities such as mud baths in the future. Furthermore, they will also be allowed to use Skype to make voice and video calls over the Internet to relatives. Suddenly, life in a Russian prison doesn’t sound quite so harsh and unwelcoming………


- Have you been holding on to the ‘80s with fanatical devotion, reveling in the ridiculous implausibility and predictability of John Hughes movies, longing for the days of hilariously oversized hair and parachute pants and rocking your “Frankie Says Relax” t-shirt like nobody’s business? If that description fits you and if you have a few (hundred thousand) dollars lying around, this piece of real estate news might interest you. A certain house at 370 Beach Street in sunny southern California is currently on the market, a property better known to children of the '80s and other John Hughes aficionados as Cameron's house from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off.” The unique midcentury modern home was the setting of the famous scene in which Cameron, Ferries and Sloane stole Mr. Freye's 1961 Ferrari, tooled around downtown Chicago in it for a day and then attempted an ill-fated return of the car that ended in disaster. The home, of course, is perched over the ravine
where the classic car later met its demise. "The Ferrari that went through the window was of course a mock-up of the real car," says the property's realtor, Meladee Hughes. "They could not have an explosion in the ravine so smoke bombs were put in the shattered car for effect. The window was Hollywood glass and the original window was replaced after the shoot." Architecture buffs may also have an interest in the home because it was designed by acclaimed architect James Speyer, who was Mies Van Der Rohe's first graduate student and protégé. The 4- bedroom, 4-bathroom home was built in 1953 and since it was built, the home has been owned by famous textile designer Ben Rose and his wife. "Later in their lives [they] were European race car drivers and traveled the world collecting objects of art. His work and the architectural works of James Speyer are at the Art Institute in Chicago,” Meladee pointed out. The home is still on the market, although Meladee is currently negotiating with a “serious” buyer. If you want to swoop in and steal this piece of cinematic history, better act now………


- Anyone who didn’t have a rooting interest in tonight’s marquee boxing match between Manny Pacquiao and Antonio Margarito prior to this week should definitely have one now. Margarito has his share of detractors, as would anyone who had been found guilty of doctoring his hand wraps before one of the biggest matches of his career and cheating for a win. Still, hating on a guy for cheating in a boxing match is one thing, while hating the guy for mocking someone suffering with the terrible illness that is Parkinson’s disease is something else entirely. That’s what Margarito and his crew are guilty of after a video interview posted by Elie Seckbach of FanHouse went viral, a video in which Margarito and training partner Brandon Rios appear to mock the Parkinson's disease of Roach, the hall-of-fame trainer for Pacquiao and former fighter. In the video, Margarito contorts his face and raises a shaking hand for the camera before it pans to Rios, who also makes faces and stutters while saying Pacquiao's name. Since it went up initially, the video has been edited and Rios has been cut, making it seem that Margarito is doing a scared impression of Roach, who has been a vocal critic of Margarito's integrity following the hand-wrapping scandal two years ago. Trainer Robert Garcia also jumps in on the video hilarity, holding up a thick chunk of metal and taunting Roach that he'd better watch as Margarito's hands are wrapped so that it doesn't end up under the tape. Typically, when a video like this surfaces, the people in it are quick to claim that it was taken out of context and try to spin it in their favor somehow. But there’s no mistaking the point of this video, so much so that Garcia apologized for the video before even talking about the junior middleweight title bout during a news conference Wednesday at Cowboys Stadium. Granted, his explanation was a total lie, but he did try to explain. "This was nothing to do with the disease that Freddie Roach has. We know it's something that we don't wish [on] nobody," Garcia lied. "It's something personal, something between Team Pacquiao and Team Margarito. I just wanted to make that clear." Oh, okay. So you can't say exactly what it is, but it’s not what we can all obviously see that it is. Roach clearly didn’t buy Garcia’s explanation. "It affects a lot more people than me," Roach said. "A lot of people have Parkinson's. They're so disrespectful to me and the hand pad issues. ... It's like a slap in the face, like 'we got caught with something, but we're still here fighting. ' I think it shows his true character. I don't think they are a good group of people. I'm not going to bother Manny Pacquiao with that. Manny doesn't hate anybody and so forth, but I do hate those guys." Roach said he has both Parkinson's and Parkinson's Syndrome, which can be caused by repeated blows to the head and can almost certainly be traced to his time as a journeyman lightweight in the 1980s. But regardless of what caused him to be stricken with Parkinson’s, the fact that anyone would be classless and soul-less enough to mock it in any way, shape or form is detestable, horrific and stomach-turning………


- Just die, cancer stick makers, just die. The world would be a much better, healthier place if you merchants of death via lung cancer and/or emphysema would cease and desist - permanently. Instead, tobacco titans like R.J. Reynolds keep trying to pull a Madonna and reinvent themselves in order to turn a profit. R.J. Reynolds’ latest effort centers on the so-called hipster capital of New York state, Williamsburg. The city is the target market to the newest line of Williamsburg Camel cigarettes. Packaging for these cancer sticks will feature the company’s well-known camel mascot on what appears to be Kent Avenue, with a background of the old Domino Sugar factory and the Williamsburg Bridge. On the Camel Web site, a message about the new line mentions the neighborhood as "the most famous hipster neighborhood," and describes the Williamsburg experience as being "about the last call, a sloppy kiss goodbye and a solo saunter to a rock show in an abandoned building." Pardon me while a vomit in my mouth……okay, we’re go-…….no, more vomit…..okay, I think we’re do-…..nope….more vomit…..all right, let’s continue. Look, I don’t want to be the killjoy out there stamping out the entrepreneurial flames of those who want to make a fortune and live a better life in these here United States……unless their business of choice is tobacco. I can and will look to rain on every one of those losers’ parades, especially when they’re launching a 10-week "Camel Break Free" promotion that is redesigning the Camel Blues pack, formerly known as Camel Lights. Part of me believes that even the hipsters in Williamsburg are smart enough to see through this campaign and that belief was bolstered when one local resident said, "Smoking is so 90's though, it's kind of silly." That attitude and the belief that they are already much cooler than everyone else could help Williamsburg hipsters see through Camel’s promise that switching to the brand will earn "serious street cred." Clothing manufacturer American Apparel and real estate companies such as Douglaston Development have previously aimed campaigns at the neighborhood, with varying degrees of success, but I think we can all agree that this campaign is one that can, should and probably will fail miserably………


- Boy, Twitter users pick some bizarre causes to rally behind. Supporting breast cancer or victims of domestic violence is one thing, but coming to the defense of a Twitter user convicted of tweeting a message threatening to blow up an airport is a first. Paul Chambers has become an Internet celebrity since sending the following tweet in January: "Crap! Robin Hood Airport is closed. You've got a week and a bit to get your s--- together, otherwise I'm blowing the airport sky high." His tweet came out of frustration, as he had been planning to go to Belfast, Northern Ireland, to meet a woman he had met through Twitter. Now, was this meeting more than a little creepy, pathetic and weird? Sure. Is Chambers a loser who has to meet women from other countries via Twitter rather than in person? Absolutely. But that doesn’t mean he should be charged with and convicted of a crime……right? Not if you ask the South Yorkshire Police Department. Chambers was arrested, charged and summarily convicted of sending a "menacing" electronic communication. Following his conviction, he was ordered to pay a $621 fine and something called a victim surcharge in the amount of $24. He appealed the conviction and on Thursday, the appeal was rejected by a north England court. The court ordered Chambers to pay the fines along with prosecution costs totaling $4,193. His appeal centered on the claim that Twitter was not a "public electronic communications network" within the meaning of the relevant law. The judge disagreed and dismissed Chambers' appeal on every count, ruling that because the Tweet was discovered when an airport manager, who was not a Twitter member, searched for "Robin Hood Airport" on Twitter, Chambers’ defense was invalid. The decision hasn’t lessend Chambers’ online support; if anything, that group is growing faster than before. Hundreds of Twitter users have launched a campaign based on the idea of retweeting his message and tweaking it to include other locations they might blow up or otherwise destroy. Some of the United Kingdom’s most famous faces, including comedian Stephen Fry, have joined the effort and perhaps some of them will be inspired enough to help Chambers pay his legal bills………

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