- Shocker…..people aren’t interested in watching noted tool Sarah Palin and her family tool around the frozen tundra that is Alaska. Perhaps some were thrown off the trail when Sarah Palin's Alaska opened to nearly five million viewers last week, becoming the best launch in TLC history. But even the crappiest new shows draw their highest ratings in the first week, when people have yet to see and understand how truly wretched they are. By the time viewers have clued in to their awfulness, the ratings for the first episode are much higher than they should be on the strength of the show’s quality. Thus, it’s best to wait until Week 2 to seriously consider the ratings and give any weight to them. So how did the ratings look for Week 2 of TLC's Sarah Palin's Alaska? Awful…..abysmal……horrific…..gawd-awful….pick any of the above or throw in your own adjective for bad and it fits. The second episode of the docu-series, which follows the former governor and her family, plummeted 40 percent and drew just three millions viewers. Worse still, the episode drew just 85,000 in the coveted adults 18-to-49 demographic. In other words, the people who like this show are old. How old? The median age of the show is 57 — 15 years older than the network's average. Now, I’m no ratings guru and I’ve never programmed an over-the-air or cable network, but I’d say those numbers indicate that this series is at least a little bit short of destined for greatness………
- The drama is over, Penn State fans. Your octogenarian, possibly alive and probably senile head football coach will be back next season. Joe Paterno announced Tuesday that he plans to return as Penn State coach next season. Of course, Paterno is the source of endless speculation every single season because a) he’s old and b) his teams haven’t been very good of late. Fans and media wonder if he might want to retire and spend time with his grandchildren, perhaps buy a bag of Wether’s Original candies from the local drug store or go sit on a park bench and feed the bird with stale bread. Given that his Nittany Lions are a so-so 7-4 this season, that speculation was again building up until his proclamation. As Penn State prepares for its final regular-season game against Michigan State on Saturday, the 83-year-old coach had made it clear that he is not coaching his final game at Beaver Stadium. He said even though his team has struggled at times this year because of youth and injuries, the Nittany Lions have a chance to be good next year. "I'm looking forward to it. ... We've struggled a little bit this year, the youth and the injuries and the whole bit," Paterno said at his weekly news conference at Beaver Stadium. "But I think with a good spring and preseason practice ... We're going to be a good football team, and I'd like to [be] part of it." Speaking as someone who has heard him give numerous interviews this season, I have to say…..I’m concerned. He sounds old-people confused, borderline senile and like he shouldn’t be left alone for extended periods of time. He may not want to retire and ride off into the proverbial sunset, but it’s freaking time. Sure, he’s snarky when asked about retirement, shooting a, "Yeah, why you know something I don't know," when the question was asked. But being cantankerous and irascible isn’t good enough to make you a successful college football coach and if Paterno doesn’t a) kick the bucket or b) have a change of heart, he’s going to have the same awkward, contentious parting with the university that Bobby Bowden had at Florida State……….
- Score another win for stoners! I have no problem being the biggest honk around for stoners and celebrating every single victory they achieve in their quest to a) get high and b) get their beloved hippie lettuce legalized in these here United States. Safe to say that an Arizona doctor unveiling a new pot vending machine counts as one of those victories. This hero’s name is Dr. Bruce Bedrick, CEO of Kind Clinics. Dr. Bedrick’s new invention incorporates biometric security technology to dispense medical marijuana and he says his clinic will assist future medical marijuana dispensary owners with everything from licensing to marketing.
“We are the in the business of helping people get into the business and operate medical marijuana dispensaries,” he explained. The big unveil for this miracle machine was Monday, when Bedrick raised the curtain on an invention he believes will streamline the process, be convenient for patients, and her pot heads get buzzed more easily, er, um allow for better compliance with existing laws. Undoubtedly, he had this idea in the works well before Arizona voters approved medical marijuana earlier this month. Still, the timing couldn’t be better and now the world has a device that looks like an ATM and dispenses a measured amount of medical marijuana. Theoretically, the machine would help curb fraud because it would collect all of the patient’s information and store it electronically, thus allowing dispensaries and the government to keep digital tabs on who’s buying, how much and where. Additionally, the machine relies on biometric security technology, meaning that before a patient can select a variety of marijuana on their prepaid debit card, loaded with points rather than money, they have to submit their index finger to be scanned to verify their identity. The problem, of course (assuming you’re anti-stoner) is that people can still fake medical conditions to get a prescription for the chronic or have a friend who has a prescription get it for them. So while Dr. Bedrick hopes Arizona can set a new standard in the delivery of medical marijuana to be an example for other states considering legalizing medical marijuana, I choose to stand and cheer this moment as the one when getting bong fuel just became that much easier for Arizona stoners. State health leaders are still writing the first rough draft of the rules and regulations involving dispensaries and plan to release the primary version of the rules to the public on December 17, so stay tuned for big news next month, all……..
- And so it begins. As the first and most vocal person to insist that North Korea is hell-bent on beating Iran to the punch and being the one to kick off World War III, I feel compelled to alert you all to the fact that my (dire) prediction is finally coming true. Yes, so far we only have North Korea firing about 100 rounds of artillery at Yeonpyeong Island in the Yellow Sea and South Korea's military responding with more than 80 rounds of artillery and deployed fighter jets. But don’t think on a small scale; this thing has the potential to escalate and escalated quickly. Already, South Korean President Lee Myung-bak is ratcheting up the angry rhetoric and throwing down the linguistic gauntlet. "The provocation this time can be regarded as an invasion of South Korean territory," the president said at the headquarters of the Joint Chiefs of Staff in Seoul. He added that "enormous retaliation" is needed to stop Pyongyang's incitement even as international diplomats appealed for him to exercise restraint. Those pleas may fall on deaf ears because President Lee has to explain to his people what he’s going to do about an attack in which two South Korean marines died and which is "the first direct artillery attack on South Korean territory since the Korean War ended in an armistice" in 1953, according to state media in South Korea. Not only must Lee respond to this direct threat to his nation’s manhood, he also must retaliate for the 15 South Korean soldiers and three civilians who were wounded when North Korea fired. These survivors and their families will undoubtedly demand justice. North Korea could have achieved its goal of starting WWIII in one fell swoop had its attack managed to injure or kill any of the U.S. forces who were in the area helping the South Koreans in a military training exercises. The cynic might argue that the attack had something to do with South Korea and the rest of the world outside of China insisting that North Korea was responsible for sinking a South Korean warship, the Cheonan, back in March. Tensions have been high between the two nations ever since and I don’t suppose this will help, not when Lee is saying that "indiscriminate attacks on civilians are a grave matter" and that, since "North Korea maintains an offensive posture," South Korea's military forces -- the army, air force and navy -- "should unite and retaliate against [the North's] provocation with multiple-fold firepower." Immediately after the attack, the South Korean government "banned its nationals from entering the communist state, indefinitely postponed scheduled Red Cross talks and began looking at ways to push the United Nations to condemn Pyongyang." That message was unnecessary as it relates to the U.S. because President Barack Obama swiftly condemned the attack. North Korea responded by attempting to place blame on South Korean maritime military exercises, code named Hoguk, and called the exercises "war maneuvers for a war of aggression." The "South Korean puppet group" engaged in "reckless military provocation" by firing "dozens of shells" inside its territorial waters "despite the repeated warnings of the DPRK" or Democratic People's Republic of Korea, the North's military claimed in a statement. The North then issued a chilling warning that it is “a traditional mode of counter-action of the army of the DPRK to counter the firing of the provocateurs with merciless strikes." Not to go all clichéd on you, but them there are fightin’ words. Whenever this thing does escalate into WWIII, all of you who took part in my “North Korea v. Iran to start WWIII” office pool, make sure you pay up what you owe………
- OMG! 911. WTF! BRB, K? That might seem like something you would text to your BFF at 2 a.m. when you can’t get to sleep and are texting to pass the time, but the truth is that it could well be the text message you send to save your (or someone else’s life) in an emergency. Our very own government feels it’s time to bring the 911 emergency service "into the 21st century" by allowing text, photo and video reports from mobile phones. According to statistics released by the Federal Communications Commission on Tuesday, 70 percent of 911 calls come from mobile phones. Furthermore, there are certain emergencies - say a home invasion - where a person might not be able to make a voice call safely. "Today's 911 system [launched in 1968] doesn't support the communication tools of tomorrow," FCC chairman Julius Genachowski said in a statement. "We primarily use our phones to text, [but] right now, you can't text 911. It's time [for] the digital age." What’s the solution, you ask? That would be "Next Generation 911," a proposal that would allow emergency call centers to receive text messages and use mobile photo or video for information about the situation in progress. Not only does the FCC want to allow texts for emergenices, but it also wants to include automatic reports coming from medical devices, car electronics, security cameras and more. The problem with all of this at the moment is that today's 911 call centers are not well equipped technologically and some even lack access to broadband Internet. For now, Genachowski, the FCC chairman, will launch a program in December to get public input on the changes to 911 services. Until then, this GR8 idea will have to W8………
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