- How freaking magnanimous of Nike to finally return those tapes of LeBron James getting dunked on by Xavier recruit Jordan Crawford to the two accredited journalists who filmed them. The dunk itself proved to be a huge dud, a decent dunk that was blown up to be much more than what it was precisely because Nike went all Big Brother/censorship and ripped the tapes to begin with so the world wouldn’t see some kid fresh out of high school throwing down on LBJ, er, uh, because of its media guidelines that no pickup games be filmed. Whatever you say, Nike. You can give back the tapes now and issue a lame statement trying to explain away your actions, no one is buying it. "It was never about the play or the player, it was always about our media policy," Nike said. "The interest in the tapes has greatly overshadowed the focus of the camp, which is to help young athletes improve their skills, and that is regrettable. It was Nike's decision to take these tapes based on our media guidelines, which we will continue to enforce." Thanks for taking the time to issue a canned statement lying to us all, we appreciate it. But finally Nike has given the tapes back to their rightful owners, which is an utterly meaningless gesture now that the footage has been leaked to the Internet and we’ve all see Crawford dunking over James during a pickup game at James’ camp in Akron. Nike also did its best to downplay what was on the two tapes, saying only one of the tapes captured the dunk. In the end, it was merely James coming over as a help defender and getting there at the last minute when Crawford was driving to the basket to throw one down. It’s nothing we haven’t seen before in NBA games when other pros have thrown down over the King. As has been accurately observed, had Nike not tried to channel its inner North Korea and enforce unjustified censorship in the first place, this whole thing would have blown over almost instantaneously and would never have become anywhere near as big a deal as it has turned into……
- There have to be some very unhappy fanatical kooks out there right now. How do I know that? Because when I first touched on the case against evangelist Tony Alamo and the multiple felony charges against him a few months ago, I heard from a few of those fanatical kooks. Despite overwhelming evidence that Alamo had indeed done unspeakable things to young girls, those fanatical kooks were adamant that Alamo was a good man and that I was waaaay out of line for daring to rip him. I’ll take your apologies now, fanatical kooks, you know where to find me. Of course, you morons might still believe that your boy T. Alamo is innocent and simply the victim of some vast government conspiracy even after a jury in Arkansas convicted him on Friday of 10 federal counts of taking minors across state lines for sex. Those charges were the reason for the September raid authorities staged on Alamo’s 15-acre compound near Texarkana, Arkansas. Jurors took all of eight hours to deliberate, which I’m guessing included a power nap or five and a few bathroom breaks, because it couldn’t have taken that long to agree that this scumbag was guilty. Each count carries a maximum sentence of 10 years, so let’s just say that Alamo should join Bernie Madoff in having no hope of getting out of prison for the rest of his natural life. That’s exactly what you deserve when between March 1994 and October 2005, you transport five girls younger than 18 across state lines for sex. That cannot be the work God would want from the founder and leader of Tony Alamo Christian Ministries, right? T he case relied heavily on the accounts of three of the girls Alamo was ultimately convicted of sexually assaulting, two of whom were 17 when the complaint was filed last year and one who was 14. All three girls bravely testified that Alamo sexually abused them. Oh, and come to find out that Alamo’s real name is Bernie Hoffman. Bernie Hoffman? What, can’t do God’s work with the name Bernie Hoffman? That’s pretty absurd that an alleged man of God feels that he has to change his name like a Hollywood star in order to get the job done. Perhaps nothing was more haunting during this entire ordeal than Alamo/Hoffman trying to liken himself to Jesus Christ, claims that seem to have -5,000 percent truth to them. Yes, negative 5,000 percent. "Why were they after Jesus," Alamo/Hoffman asked in an interview. "It's the same reason. Jesus is living within me." Yes, but Jesus didn’t sexually assault any young girls and then lie about it, T……...
- Now here’s a festival/convention I can get with. As opposed to all of those pale, basement-dwelling dorks at Comi-Con, the hearty souls who gathered recently just outside Seattle, Washington, for the Lebowski Fest, are my kind of people. When the Coen brothers classic "The Big Lebowski" hit theaters in 1998, it was a critical and box office flop. No one seemed to get the movie or its unique brand of humor, but as it moved to VHS/DVD, the movie found a rabid cult following. Actor Jeff Bridges’ brilliant portrayal of the “The Dude,” a sliding-along slacker who wanted to do little more than bowl, sleep, get high and find the rug that was stolen from his home (“It just tied the room together”) became legendary. The movie became such a cult favorite that it spawned the Lebowski Fest outside of Seattle, where co-founders Scott Shuffitt and Will Russell launched their idea after coming up with it in 2002 while quoting lines from the movie during a slow day selling T-shirts at a tattoo expo in Louisville, Kentucky, where they live. This year, the Seattle Lebowski Fest drew about 200 attendees to watch the movie, bowl, drink the film’s signature white Russians and of course quote their favorite lines from the film. I like this event so much that I’m going to waive my normal rule that it’s unacceptable for adults to dress up like characters from a movie any time other than Halloween. Seeing images of a dozen guys dressed like the Dude or his gun-toting, ‘Nam-flashback-having buddy Walter (player by John Goodman) is freaking hilarious. I am also confident that these guys aren’t going around year-round dressed like this or completely consumed in the world of Lebowski the way Star Wars or Star Trek dorks are engrossed in their little fantasy worlds. "These guys are not the 'Star Trek' fans, they are not the 'Star Wars' fans, they are a different class. They are not the nerds. They are the slackers," said attendee Scott Glancy. Well put, Scotty. "There's a certain community thing that goes on when you hang out and watch your favorite film," said Shuffitt. "When you are watching it with 700 people who love it just as much as you do and everyone's quoting from it, it's just a really nice community." The Lebowski Fest has actually been held 25 times in the United States and overseas since its inception. This year alone, the roving party will visit 15 cities, including Chicago, Illinois, New York and Washington. And what’s the most important lesson to be learned from this? As always, the Dude abides……….
- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! This is a freaking awesome edition of everyone’s favorite watch of social dissidence around the world, if I do say so myself. If giant slingshots are involved, you know it’s good. This edition emanates from Seoul, South Korea, where a group of 500 workers and 200 sympathizers remained holed up at a Ssangyong Motor Co. factory complex. After being canned, the workers took over the complex in suburban Seoul on May 31 and shut down production. They’ve remained entrenched for seven weeks and on Thursday proceeded to use giant slingshots to fire nuts, bolts and other projectiles at police. Are you freaking kidding me? That is….AWESOME! How can you not get with a group of fired workers commandeering their former place of employment, shutting it down and waging an intense war against The Man using giant slingshots to fire nuts and bolts at the police? Sure, Ssangyong Motor Co. has been hit hard by the global recession and letting these workers go was likely a tough decision, but that doesn’t mean the workers can't fight back. This small army actually started the standoff in the main factory but has since been driven to the South Korean auto maker's painting facility on the premises. However, that game them the chance to spray-paint a message on the building that said, "If you are not going to talk, kill us all." Hmm…..dramatic, fatalistic, borderline insane….I like it. I also enjoy the fact that these workers are ignorning the South Korean government’s efforts to persuade many companies and unions to avoid confrontation during the economic downturn. Even though the government pressed companies to use pay freezes, job-sharing and other methods rather than layoffs, Ssangyong Motor Co. decided to do its own thing. Suffering your second-biggest loss ever -- 710 billion won, or about $567 million -- in 2008 can do that to a company. Also, the company is actually owned by Shanghai Automotive Industrial Corp. of China, so there isn’t exactly a strong bond there in terms of national interests. But I digress, because the real story here is these awesome workers who have held off police for nearly two months with makeshift weapons and willpower. When the number of holdouts began to dwindle, they were reinforced by about 200 people from other unions and companies. Even after suffering a setback on Monday when more than 2,000 police in riot gear moved in to the complex and cleared the way for several thousand other workers to restart assembly lines, the fired workers hung tough by finding a new home base in the paint facility. They’ve begun fortifying it and forced police to use metal barricades to shield themselves. Police are hesitant to enter the building by force because it’s filled with flammable liquids and based on their act thus far, these crazies are likely to light something on fire. "We're waiting, for the time being," a police spokesman said Thursday. Go ahead, keep waiting, just as long as that means more giant slingshot and crazy spray-painted messages for the rest of us……..
- Don’t mess with the zebras. It’s true for college football players on the field and it’s obviously true off the field as well. Don’t believe me? Just as Joe Windscheffel, a linebacker/safety for NCAA Division II power Pittsburg State, who will miss the 2009 season after throwing down with a zebra at his summer job. Windscheffel was working on a farm near Lawrence, Kansas for the summer and was told to paint a fence along a pasture line. No big deal, painting a fence in a remote pasture should be a relaxing task and a chance to enjoy the summer sun while getting some work done, right? It would have been if not for the four zebras Windscheffel had to move in order to paint the fence. The three female zebras complied and gave Windscheffel no trouble, but the lone male zebra in the group was having none of it. The animal charged Windscheffel and bit his arm. Not satisfied with the damage it had inflicted, the zebra dragged the 6-foot-2, 225-pound man until two fellow farmhands came to his aid. The incident left Windscheffel with a compound fracture that is likely to sideline him for the upcoming season. "You only see zebras on television getting eaten by lions, but they are stronger than they look," Windscheffel said. "It was just a freak deal." A freak deal and a valuable life lesson for us all, my man. I do wonder what the heck zebras were doing in Kansas. Seriously, was this Kansas or were you painting a fence in the Serengeti? This is why I avoid working with wildlife if at all possible……..
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