- Well lookee here, one sucky artist and their crap-tastic album replacing another sucky artist and their crap-tastic album at the top of the Billboard 200 chart. After three weeks of Michael Jackson owning the top selling album in the U.S. despite being one of the most overrated musical acts of all-time, former American Karaoke contestant Daughtry has taken the top spot with "Leave This Town," which tops after selling 269,000 units. Compounding the errors of idiot, no-taste music fans, this is the second time this clown has had an album at the top of the Billboard 200. No, this hack also had his self-titled debut make it to No. 1 nine weeks after its release in November 2006. I cannot even begin to communicate how utterly and completely disappointed I am in you, America. I felt like we had established that ANYONE who ever participated in AK forfeited ALL of their musical credibility for the rest of time. I don’t care if someone appears on that ridiculous show that bastardizes music as we know it and then writes an album full of songs that put John Lennon and Pete Townshend to shame, they get no credit or respect (not that such a thing has happened or ever will come close to happening). It just shows that by and large, America is filled with musically clueless morons who are the ultimate sheep. These fools will follow along with the rest of the herd, right off the cliff and into the musical abyss below. Because of that, the first single off Daughtry’s new album, "No Surprise," is the act's sixth-straight top five hit on the Adult Top 40 radio airplay chart. But fear not, fans of the late freak known as Jack-O, your man is still hanging around. For the tracking week that ended on July 19, his "Number Ones" hits collection was his best-seller, shifting 192,000 units. That makes the 2003 release No. 1 on the Catalog chart and No. 2 on Top Comprehensive Albums. There is some hope on the Billboard Top 200 if you scan down a bit to the No. 6 spot, where Jack White’s latest musical project, The Dead Weather, checks in with its album "Horehound." The band consists of White (of the White Stripes and the Raconteurs), Alison Mosshart (of the Kills), Dean Fertita (of Queens of the Stone Age) and Jack Lawrence (of the Raconteurs and the Greenhornes). This marks the sixth top 10 album for White, counting his three top 10s with the White Stripes, two with the Raconteurs and the new Dead Weather set. Other than that, the only bright spot in the top 10 is Kings of Leon's "Only By the Night" (up four to No. 10 -- 33,000 units). So there are signs of hope for you, American music fans, but not nearly enough……
- My position on governments persecuting drug cartels and other organizations looking to provide pot, crack, heroin, ice, X and other drugs to the good, kind drug users of this world has long been that governments need to back off and stop persecuting drug users who never did anything directly to them. That remains my take, but I may have to issue myself a temporary reprieve based on the announcement by U.S. authorities that they are offering up to a $50 million reward for the arrest of leaders in the northern Mexico-based Gulf Cartel, one of Mexico's most notorious drug cartels. With the announcement of that handsome reward, the government also released new details about the so-called Gulf Cartel's operations and its leaders. All of this is a result of the unsealing of a federal indictment which charges Miguel Trevino Morales, a leader of the northern Mexico-based Gulf Cartel, of operating a criminal enterprise, cocaine distribution and firearms violations. In other words, they’re prosecuting this guy for being a hard-working entrepreneur. A separate indictment also charges three other top leaders of the Gulf Cartel: Antonio Cardenas Guillen, Jorge Eduardo Costilla and Heriberto Lazcano, for drug trafficking related crimes, along with fifteen other suspected cartel members. "We have learned that the most effective way to disrupt and dismantle criminal organizations is to prosecute their leaders and seize their funding," Assistant Attorney General Lanny Breuer said in a statement. So let’s see, I have my disdain for The Man weighed against the fact that $50 million is a freaking lot of money. Where do I come down, on the side of my principles in opposing all efforts of The Man to keep people down or on the side of my bank account? Well, seeing as I don’t have much of a hankering to travel to Mexico right now and thus won't really be able to gain the information necessary to garner that reward, let’s stick with principle. I appreciate the offer, U.S. government, but I’m not selling out. You can do what you want to attack the Gulf Cartel and its ruthless enforcement arm, known as Los Zetas, just don’t count on any help from me. These guys are smuggling coke and weed into the U.S. and as we all know, that helps my friend, Joe Pot Head and his amigo Joe Coke Head. I cannot and will not turn my back on them and you can designate the cartel’s leaders as Specially Designated Narcotics Traffickers and freeze any assets they hold in the United States if you want, I don’t care. In the end, sticking to The Man is better than any $50 million reward that I have absolutely no shot at collecting……………
- I don’t think that this is what Chasity Erbaugh of Tyler, Texas had in mind when she picked up some greens from the frozen foods section of her local supermarket to serve her family for dinner. Erbaugh purchased a package of Great Value brand steamable green beans from the local Walmart and brought them home to cook up for her kids. She was preparing the meal when she discovered something odd in the bowl where she had dumped the beans. "Thank goodness I had put butter in the bottom of the bowl," said Erbaugh. "I went to stir it and there's this brown clump." The “brown clump” turned out to be the whole front end of a frog, with the spinal cord and everything attached, in her green beans. The frog's tongue was even hanging out. "That's a frog!" she said. "Or worse than that, it's part of a frog - 75% of it. They didn't even give me the frog legs with it." Ba-dum-CHEE! Thanks for coming, please tip your waitress. But seriously, that is truly a pretty revolting story. It’s revolting enough that the store pulled all bags of Great Value frozen vegetables from its shelves as a precautionary measure. Great Value should be on its knees thanking Walmart for that, because if any sort of animal or non-food item had been found in any of those other packages, the company would have taken a freaking ginormous hit. A formal complaint will now be sent to the Food and Drug Administration and the appropriate punishment for Great Value will be decided. As for Erbaugh, she has elected to go the safe route and use fresh vegetables only from here on out. Probably a safe move, unless those fresh veggies were sprayed with pesticides or grown using some other kind of chemical……..
- Memo to everyone in the New York Mets organization: Do not cross vice president for player development Tony Bernazard under any circumstances - ever. He has proven twice in the past two weeks that he will go anywhere, at any time even though he’s a 52-year-old front office executive. The first likes-to-fight incident came when Bernazard was visiting the team’s Double-A franchise, the Binghamton Mets, after the team had stumbled through a 1-6 homestand and had lost three of those games by at least seven runs. On top of that, there were allegations of regular underage drinking on the team, so my man T. Bernazard felt compelled to step in. He convened a meeting with the team, ripped into them for their poor play and underage consumption and then ripped off his shirt and challenged the entire team to a fight. He also called out middle infield prospect Jose Coronado and hit him with a female anatomy blast that I’m sure you can figure out, one that begins with a “p.” That aside, how awesome is it for some 52-year-old former player who is now an executive with an MLB team being so enraged and out of his mind that he’s willing to not only scream down an entire minor league team, not only challenge them all to a fight, but to go all Hulk Hogan and tear off his shirt while doing so? This guy needs to be running his own team and/or have his own reality show immediately. Any time someone is acting like a knucklehead, T. Bernazard can swoop in, berate them and tear off his shirt before challenging them to a fight. Honestly, the Binghamton Mets probably deserved everything they got from Bernazard and then some. As of today, the team was 37-58 and in last place in the Eastern League Northern Division. Oh, and any of the players and their friends who weren’t down with this guy’s act, you’re just wrong. "It's ridiculous that anyone in a professional baseball environment thinks it's acceptable," a friend of several players said. No, friend of the players, you’re the one who is ridiculous and unacceptable. A grown man ripping off his shirt and challenging an entire minor league baseball team to a fight is not only not ridiculous, it’s awesome. As to whether or not this actually happened….go ahead and assume it did. Mets GM Omar Minaya admitted as much when he said that Bernazard spoke to the minor-league team in a "stern voice," but said he had no knowledge of the particulars. "I know he did have a team meeting with them. It was not a 'you-guys-have-been-great meeting,'” Minaya admitted. In other words, yes it happened and I’m fine with it. But wait, Bernazard wasn’t done, not by a long shot. While attending a recent Mets-Diamondbacks game at Citi Field, Bernazard had his eyes on a seat behind home plate that was occupied by an Arizona Diamondbacks scout. I don’t know if he had any right to that seat, but when Bernazard informed a subordinate that he wanted to sit there and that the scout should be relocated, he didn’t like the response he received. That subordinate suggested the wait until the half-inning was over to take the seat, but knowing my man Tony, he wasn’t waiting for anything. He then unleashed a profanity-laced tirade against that subordinate and I’m guessing he was sitting in that seat sooner rather than later. Bottom line here: Don’t f**k with Tony Bernazard. Let that be a warning to all of the Mets’ other minor-league teams, because you don’t want this guy coming to see you……….
- There’s just a beautiful synergy in the fact that the Manhattan district attorney will not pursue the head-butting case against 24 star Kiefer Sutherland, I must admit. With the eighth season of Fox’s hit drama set in the Big Apple, it would just be bad karma to have the city’s top law enforcement official pressing a case against the show’s star. "We declined to prosecute after a full investigation," Alicia Maxey Greene stated. "That included speaking to the complaining witness, who was quite uncooperative." That witness would be fashion designer Jack McCullough, who had an altercation with Sutherland at a charity event in May. McCullough accused Sutherland of breaking his nose by head-butting him after an argument broke out about an incident between McCullough and Brooke Shields. Somewhere along the way, Sutherland and McCullough were able to resolve their differences outside of court, with my man Jack Bauer issuing an apology that McCullough accepted. I don’t know what K. Sutherland said or did, or how much he paid McCullough to make the case go away, but I suspect he did so because keeping this case out of court means Sutherland also no longer faces a violation of his five-year probation term following a DUI conviction in 2007.
"Based on the evidence and information received from New York officials, as well as our own independent review of the evidence, we will not be seeking a violation of Sutherland's probation," Los Angeles city government spokesman Frank Mateljan explained. So there’s one less potential bump in the road for the next season of 24, but I’m sure there will be a few more along the way………
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