- Some intrepid prankster in Westmoreland County, Pa. deserves some credit. Police in the area might be pissed off that “vandals” opened at least 36 fire hydrants within a few hours time early Monday morning, but that’s only because The Man never has a sense of humor. The Man can't appreciate a good prank, which is part of what makes him The Man. Yet I can’t help but laugh at the mental picture of a bunch of young dudes (because you know it was guys, you know they were between the ages of 18 and 35 and you can be fairly certain that alcohol was involved) sneaking around in the middle of the night, removing steam nozzles from a total of 36 hydrants in Sewickley Township. The first nozzle-less hydrant was found around 1:30 a.m., but investigators eventually found all 36 hydrants that were missing steam nozzles. The no-sense-of-humor-having stiff at the Hutchinson Fire Department say it’s a prank that is dangerous and costly. Sure, low water pressure could make it difficult to fight a fire, but was there a problem? Not in this case, so simmer down. "You got a lot of volunteers out here, in these tough economic times, that will miss work tomorrow. They have been out for multiple hours working on multiple back roads with no lighting. It is a hazard to firemen at any time," said Frank Sever with Sewickley Emergency Management. Hey Frank….shut it. It’s only a hazard if there was a problem because of the prank and there wasn’t one. Firefighters turned off the hydrants and checked each one Monday for damage, finding none. What’s bizarre about this story is that the removal of a steam nozzle from a fire hydrant is a federal offense, so these intrepid pranksters face serious charges if caught. Police are claiming to have a lead in the case, but so far no arrests have been made. Here’s hoping it stays that way……
- Admittedly, I paid attention to a story about the illegal bootleg release of an album by “Drake” because I thought it might be from the late, great folk singer Nick Drake. Had I known it was from some hack job, hip-popper whose garbage, bubble-gum hip hop is extremely popular with teenage girls, I probably would have steered clear. But since I did learn about this whole mess, I may as well share. Seems that Drake (not nearly enough to rock the one name, even if it is a stage name, by the way) and his legal representation are enraged over the release of an unauthorized album, "The Girls Love Drake," which features selections from the Toronto rapper's mixtape "So Far Gone" and other tracks. The album was released May 28th by a label called Canadian Money Entertainment and distributed by the Independent Online Distribution Alliance (IODA) on iTunes, Rhapsody and Amazon. Before the album was yanked from retailers, it was actually set to debut at No. 101 on the Billboard 200, No. 16 on the Digital Albums chart and No. 1 on the Heatseekers tally. "Best I Ever Had" and "Every Girl" (credited to Young Money), two tracks on the mixtape that have previously charted, appear on this week's Hot Digital Songs chart thanks to downloads of "The Girls Love Drake." That would be the case…..if Drake's management hadn’t found the album on iTunes and sent a cease-and-desist notice to the retailer. iTunes was the first to take the album down, with Rhapsody and Amazon lagging behind but eventually complying with the order. “This is a straight bootleg, a scandal. We are behind promoting records at radio, but haven't sold it," Al Branch, Drake's manager, declared. "iTunes' position is that they are a store and they stock everything. They have a waiver and as long as people sign it and are responsible for the product they submit, then they go for it.” A scandal? Really? Look, it’s bad business and it’s bad for you and your client, but a scandal? Hardly. My man, you’re not representing U2, the Beatles, the Who, Pearl Jam, Kings of Leon or Elvis Costello. You represent Drake, so check yourself. Go ahead and file a lawsuit against Canadian Money Entertainment if that helps you sleep at night. Go after Canadian Money Entertainment founder Peter Greenwood, who says his company has been releasing mixtapes for unsigned artists since 2003 and contends that their purposes in releasing "The Girls Love Drake" was never ill-intended. Heck, Greenwood admits to being ignorant of the legalities of selling a mixtape on iTunes, so tear him a new one, legally-speaking. Just quit acting all indignant and offended, like this guy ripped off some great musical masterpiece and that Drake is the sh*t. He’s not, his music is not and odds are that this is the most pub dude is ever going to get for any of his musical efforts……
- I’m not an auto racing fan, not in the least. I don’t like IndyCar, NASCAR or any other type of auto racing, but I may have found something about auto racing that I do like: drivers on meth. If more NASCAR drivers were like Jeremy Mayfield and tested positive for methamphetamine during a random drug screening, I would probably pay more attention to racing. The positive test took place on May 1 and two independent sources verified it. Mayfield himself acknowledged that he had ingested a double dosage of over-the-counter allergy medication Claritin-D immediately prior to the Richmond drug test. His contention is that he was taking prescription Adderall-XR to treat Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), as prescribed by his doctor. Those two drugs were reportedly in his system at the time of the test, but a third drug appeared and although the name of that drug has been redacted from court documents and was not specified by either Mayfield or NASCAR because of the conditions of a May 29 gag order issued by Mecklenburg Count Superior Court in North Carolina, reports have meth being that third drug. Judge Forrest Bridges threw down that gag order, but even he couldn’t stop the meth train from rolling down the tracks. NASCAR officials managed to put down the moonshine, take the chewing tobaccy out of their mouths and stop adjusting their straw hats and bib overalls (just kidding, NASCAR) long enough to make some ominous remakrs about Mayfield’s drug usage. NASCAR attorney Paul Hendrick described the unidentified drug as a "dangerous, illegal banned substance." and NASCAR chairman Brian France used the words "serious infraction" to describe Mayfield’s drug problem. To his credit, Mayfield and his legal team fought back with a countersuit filed in federal court on June 5, claiming that the allegations made by NASCAR officials were founded upon "excessive aggression or exaggerated self-confidence as well as numerous other physical and mental side-effects detrimental to the health and safety of a stock car driver.” You might wonder just how Mayfield explains away popping positive for meth and as you would expect, his excuse is flimsy. He’s trying to argue that it was either a) a false positive test reading, b) triggered by either a mixture of the two acknowledged drugs ingested or c) by poorly executed testing procedures. The old “lab error” defense…..yeah, because that worked well for Floyd Landis in his doping case. Oh, and how do you ingest two legal medications and have them miraculously turn into meth once inside your body? I’m guessing meth addicts worldwide would be all over that cocktail if it existed. Mayfield’s legal team is also attacking the credibility of AEGIS Sciences, the corporation contracted by NASCAR to conduct the league's random drug screenings. This is the first year for the screenings, so it should be interesting to see if there are more similar occurrences in the months ahead. At this point, the next court date for the case isn’t set. That’s because prior to filing their June 5 countersuit, NASCAR successfully petitioned to have the case moved to U.S. federal court. That ruling happened to coincide with the scheduled vacation time of the presiding federal judge, so it will be at least the end of the month before the case is heard. Before wrapping this up, I also felt compelled to include the following quote from Mayfield, which actually makes him sound more like a meth addict than any positive drug test ever could . "I don't need to go to rehab," Mayfield angrily declared at Lowe's Motor Speedway on May 16, a surprise track visit that violated the terms of his suspension. "Because I don't have a problem.” Wow, “I don’t have a problem and I don’t need rehab” is the quintessential angry denial from any addict when confronted with their addiction. Not saying J. Mayfield is a meth addict, but I am saying that I have more interest in NASCAR now than I did before hearing that he might be…….
- Boy, it’s just been too long since a nice, juicy police brutality story came along. This one needs to be a doozy, and wouldn’t you know it, it’s a doozy and then some. When you have surveillance video showing a Passaic, New Jersey, police officer beating a 49-year-old man standing idly on a street corner, that’s what I call a doozy. The surveillance tape comes from Lawrence's Grill and Bar in Passaic, which I’m sure is a mighty fine establishment. The footage, recorded on May 29, shows a police car pull up to Ronnie Holloway, who is standing still on the curb outside the restaurant. A couple of minutes pass before the female officer in the car instructs Holloway to zip up his sweatshirt -- at least that’s what he claims. The second office in the car, Joseph R. Rios III, exits the car, must not have liked Holloway’s zipping style, because after that Rios jumps from the car, grabs Holloway and slams him onto the hood of the vehicle. But wait, there’s more! He then beats the crap out of Holloway using both his fist and baton. All of this without Rios and Holloway exchanging a single word, mind you. Following his undeserved beatdown, Holloway spent in a holding cell. His attorney, Nancy Lucianna, claims that Holloway received no treatment for his injuries, which included a torn cornea and extensive bruising to the left side of his body, she said. Oh, and one more thing….Ronnie Holloway is schizophrenic, according to his mother, Betty, with whom he has lived for more than 20 years. Not only that, Lucianna claims that schizophrenia is not the full extent of his mental disabilities and that her client was "mentally challenged on multiple levels." Hmm, wonder if officer Rios bothered to assess Holloway’s condition at all before jumping from the car and assaulting him….I’m going with no. Lucianna also explained that at the time of the incident, Holloway was in the midst of a walk around the neighborhood, which he does regularly. The Passaic Police Department refuses to comment on the beating, er, assault, er, arrest, but officials have filed three charges against Holloway: resisting arrest, disorderly conduct and wandering for the purpose of obtaining controlled dangerous substances. How they know what he was up to, I don’t know. But like I said, who doesn’t love a good case of police brutality, especially against a mentally ill individual? Well done, Passaic Police Department and officer Rios, well done…….
- Few things have been funny in Iraq the past few years (unless you count the tragic humor of all the lies told by the W. administration to get and keep America in an indefensible, unjustifiable war), but I have to say that Stephen Colbert’s stint at Camp Victory this week is one of them. I’m a huge fan of “The Colbert Report,” a Monday through Thursday fake news show on Comedy Central in which Colbert regularly mocks conservative TV talking heads with satirical, sarcastic humor. This week, he’s taking his show on the road for American military personnel stationed in Iraq. To show his solidarity with the troops, Colbert first donned a business suit made of the same camouflaged material used for soldiers' desert uniforms, then allowed his hair to be buzzed off into a military-style buzz cut. Hundreds of U.S. troops witness Colbert’s buzz cut as he kicked off his "Operation Iraqi Stephen: Going Commando" USO tour Sunday in the Baghdad headquarters of the U.S.-led military coalition in Iraq. “It must be nice in Iraq, because some of you keep coming back again and again," Colbert said. He also playfully prodded Gen. Ray Odierno, saying he felt "a little intimidated" by him, not because he was he top U.S. commander in Iraq, but because it felt like he was "interviewing Shrek.” Colbert also earned some laughs and applause by declaring that by the power vested in him, the U.S. had officially won the Iraqi war. Midway through Odierno’s interview, a video clip featuring President Obama appeared on large television screens erected on the set. The commander-in-chief told his general it was time to "cut that man's hair." Ordierno pulled out a pair of white electric hair clippers in his hand and sheared off the host’s hair. After his cut, Colbert ran through the audience, high-fiving the troops. And it wasn’t merely an empty, comedic gesture; one Army major said that "shaving of the hair is an amazing show of support" that was "very touching.” The episodes from Iraq are actually being taped a day in advance, but the are still unique in that this is the first time a show taped in a combat zone has been edited and aired so quickly. Tune in this week and see the combat zone fun for yourself……..
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