Legal system confusion, P. Hilton vs. will.i.am and John Daly scalps an RV

- Lee Monroe Crider, three years in jail for stealing Lance Armstrong's custom bike? I hate to keep going back to this, but the legal system in south Florida set a terrible precedent when Donte Stallworth was sentenced to exactly one month in jail for getting behind the wheel of his luxury sled while drunk, driving and killing a man. After seeing that happen, Crider getting anything more than a week for thieving a bike, even the bike of the world's most famous cyclist, just seems wrong. Sure, second-degree burglary and grand theft are nothing to scoff at, but when you set the precedent of one month in the hole for the taking of a human life, things become much murkier in the legal sense. Now it wasn't made public whether or not Crider has a previous criminal record and maybe he does, but even that should not be putting him behind bars some 36 times longer than a guy who committed vehicular manslaughter while drunk. Step your game up, legal system, because quite frankly you're just embarrassing yourself at this point......

- I have a tough time with this next one because I quite frankly don't like any of the involved parties. But as for the particulars, seems that flamboyant, loud-mouthed "celebrity" blogger Perez Hilton was jacked up outside of a Toronto night club recently by a member of the entourage rolling with Hack Eyed Peas member will.i.am. The incident was caught on tape and Hilton is on a freaking rampage, cursing and even going so far as to use a popular homosexual slur (f****t), which is ironic because dude is a homosexual and you'd think that after his unprovoked crusade against Miss California USA Carrie Prejean for her stance against same-sex marriage that he'd be a bit slower to throw around homosexual slurs. What is seen on the video is Hilton apparently getting punched right in the face three times by someone he is now alleging to be the Hack Eyed Peas' manager. Hilton and will.i.am are trading snippy online video posts, profanities and accusations and I'm just not sure where to come out on this one. On the one hand, Hilton is a tool who spends his days tearing into the personal lives of others on his Web site and is extremely intolerant of people who disagree with him. On the other hand, will.i.am and his fellow H.E.P. members produce some of the most awful and offensive music known to man and are set to ruin five dates on U2's fall North American tour by performing as an opening act. So there is ample reason to despise both of these jokers and that's exactly what I am going to do. I will celebrate the fact that Hilton got punched in the face and I will celebrate the fact that will.i.am and his manager may face criminal charges and a civil suit. So in that sense, we are all winners here and that's something to feel good about........

- Dear cable news networks: Wanna know when you stop looking the least bit legitimate and start looking like a bunch of insipid ass hats? Here's a hint: right around the time you bring in some sort of so-called expert analyst to break down the divorce announcement of those reality TV knobs Jon and Kate Gosselin. The second that the personal lives of people appearing on reality TV become actual, relevant news and you're devoting a single second of air time to analyzing who will be viewed more favorably by the public and whether one of them will have an easier time dealing with the divorce than the other one, you have officially become a joke. Here's a news flash for you, Fox News: people on reality TV are really, really screwed up. That's why they're on reality TV in the first place. If they were well-adjusted, functional people, they would be nowhere near the set of a reality show - ever. So your coverage of them like they are freaking royalty or important government figures is just sad for all involved, but mostly just for you. The rest of us can change the channel, turn off the TV or just forget about all of it. You, on the other hand, must exist and operate with the knowledge that you are totally and completely ridiculous in every sense of the word and are not going to be getting your dignity back any time soon.......

- Freaking John Daly. I love he guy, as do many out there, because he's such a tragically flawed and loveable figure. He has his demons - women, booze, gambling, cigarettes, more women, more booze - but he also has a great heart and is by all accounts an extremely nice guy. After serving a six-month suspension from the PGA Tour following his latest round of legal troubles, J.D. is back on Tour and he just can't seem to avoid trouble. Fortunately, this time his trouble isn't because he engaged in any criminal behavior, got married and divorced again or ran up a ginormous gambling debt.  While driving the tricked-out RV he takes to tournaments through the Bankhead Tunnel in Mobile, Alabama, J.D. apparently failed to realize that the clearance signs indicating how tall a vehicle could be and still pass through the tunnel meant that his RV was too big to pass through. As a result, Daly and his 17-year-old daughter suffered what had to be a very scary ordeal as the tunnel ripped the roof of the RV to shreds when they tried to navigate the tunnel. Reports have both Daly and his daughter being okay, although the debris from the accident did strike a Cadillac driving behind the RV. What's odd is that the tunnel's 12-foot clearance is marked by chains dangling from the roof that are supposed to set off an alarm if a vehicle makes contact with them. Whether J.D. had the radio on too loud or wasn't paying attention, he didn't react to the alarms and as a result, his RV was scalped. I'm bummed to hear of another bad thing happening to Long John and wish him well gong forward, but J.D. my man, you need to pay attention to those clearance signs from here on out and maybe even break out a tape measure so you know how tall your RV is.......