- So who WASN’T drugged up on something during this year’s World Baseball Classic? Just a day after Chicago Cubs catcher Geovany Soto admitted that he tested positive for marijuana while playing for Puerto Rico in the WBC, it was revealed that Kansas City Royals pitcher Sidney Ponson tested positive for a stimulant during the tournament and has been banned from international competition for two years. Soto issued a well-written, smartly crafted statement apologizing for being a stoner and claiming that it was an “isolated” incident. Riiiight, because everyone who gets popped for smoking the hippie lettuce says that. Why exactly would someone decide to toke up for the first time during a huge international tournament where they are playing for their entire country? Nice try, Geo. It may be an isolated incident in terms of you getting caught, but it is not the first time you’ve hit the bong. As for Ponson, International Baseball Federation said that Ponson tested positive for Phentermine, a weight-loss drug that is similar in chemical structure to an amphetamine. He apparently was drugging up while pitching for the Netherlands last March in the WBC and throwing well enough to earn a minor league contract with Kansas City. He has struggled mightily this season, going 1-5 with a 7.27 ERA as a starter and reliever for the Royals. Of late, Ponson has been on the 15-day disabled list because of a strained right elbow. The positive test does place Ponson into Major League Baseball’s drug program, although he will not be suspended. Instead, he will be treated as a first-time offender and is subject to a medical review and fine. Kansas City manager Trey Hillman claims that Ponson alerted all relevant baseball officials that he was taking the drug and yet was still flagged for a positive test. His agent is also taking up the fight, stating that Ponson was given the drug by his doctor. “During the offseason, Sidney consulted with a physician about weight loss and was prescribed a common appetite suppressant," agent, Barry Praver declared. "Under the belief that this was sufficient, he did not seek further authorization, which he now understands would have been granted.” Give whatever excuse you want, but the bottom line is that Sid Ponson and Geovany Soto were both using illegal drugs during the WBC and must now suffer the consequences. Whether you are a stoner or a FAT guy looking to shed a few pounds, the rules still apply to you……..
- Speaking of FAT people….police in Bellingham, Massachusetts are hoping that the girth of a bank robber will help make him that much easier to track down. They are still searching for the man who robbed the Milford National Bank on Hartford Avenue in Bellingham just before 10:30 a.m. using a silver hand gun. The man has one distinctive feature that no mask, disguise or sunglasses can hide. "He was a very large man, 300 pounds or over, white, with facial hair," said Sgt. Lee Rolls, of the Bellingham Police Department. Even in the United States of America, the world’s FAT-test nation, being over 300 pounds definitely helps to narrow the suspect pool. Other details about the robber include his age (believed to be in his 30s) and that he was wearing a Patriots sweatshirt and a Red Sox hat. According to the police report, the man walked in, flashed a gun and demanded money. Once the teller handed over the cash, the suspect jumped into a gold or brown four-door sedan and fled…..as his car’s suspension groaned and strained under the pressure from his enormously FAT frame. Police are, as always, asking for the public help in identifying and locating the suspect. I’m guessing he shouldn’t be that tough to find; just start looking at all of the places where a person with an ungodly appetite could buy large quantities of unhealthy food for a fairly reasonable price. You don’t even need to send that many officers after this guy because there is no way he’s going to outrun even out-of-shape cops….I think. Look for this robber to cite his addiction to food and the need to feed that addiction as the reason for his crime when this case goes to court……..
- First and foremost….condolences to the family and friends of Michael Jackson. Losing a loved one, especially when he or she is only 50 years old, it tragic. Having a father, sibling or close friend pass away suddenly and unexpectedly is absolutely awful and for that reason, thought and prayers for those close to Jackson. On the most basic human level, your heart breaks in these situations because no one with a soul wishes anything so terrible on another person. That being said…..all of the people out there who didn’t know Jack-O at all and were merely fans of his music need to get a grip on themselves. For starters, anyone who is heartbroken at the death of a celebrity they didn’t know is way off base. Just because you listened to their music, watched their movies or saw them play a sport, that doesn’t mean you had a real connection to them. Save your emotions for those you know and love. Crying, engaging in midnight vigils and acting like the celeb who died was your best friend is just sad and misguided. Secondly, and I say this without looking to denigrate Jackson, his musical career was quite possibly the most overrated in history. Those who label him a visionary, a revolutionary and some sort of musical savant are just wrong. He was called the King of Pop, after all. Mainstream pop is the single-most patently offensive music genre for anyone who loves actual musical talent. It is over-produced, synthesized, glitzy, bubble-gum crap that basically focuses little on substance and actual music skill and more on what a producer with some technology at his disposal can do to make a song as slick and radio-friendly as possible. Jackson’s shtik was throwing on a single sequined glove, ugly sequined outfits and dancing around in music videos. I’ve never found his music compelling or good and doubt that I ever will. Today, as everyone with access to airspace went with their favorite Jackson songs in heavy rotation (a great reason to never rely on the radio as your music source), I didn’t hear a single song I liked or one that didn’t make me want to change the channel immediately. Remember, just because a song or artist is popular doesn’t mean they are good. Simply put, there are a lot of morons out there with bad taste in music and a bunch of them gathering together in support of a particular artist in no way constitutes a validation of their act. Thirdly….Jack-O basically inspired that weasel-on-helium-voiced former man-bander Justin Timberlake’s entire act. Timberlake basically lives by ripping off/recycling Jackson’s gimmicks, which further denigrates Jack-O’s musical career. Inspiring a hack like Timberlake just doesn’t reflect well on you, period. Oh, and I should also mention that Jackson was a known pedophile with an alarm outside his master bedroom to alert him when he was inside with a child and an adult approached the room. He once paid $20 million to settle a civil suit against him by the family of an alleged victim of his perverted ways, even if he was never convicted for the crime. In other words, he wasn’t a great guy outside of his overrated musical career. For that reason, I’m no sadder about his passing than I am about the deaths of any of the other people around the country and world today. Many people lost their loved ones and they deserve just as much sympathy and just as many prayers as Jackson’s family, because he was no more important than any of them…….
- Are the United States and Venezuela finally making nice? Not really, but at least the two oft-sparring nations are taking the small step forward of reinstating each others’ ambassadors. Some nine months after a diplomatic spat resulted in their respective expulsions, the ambassadors will be allowed to return to their posts in the days ahead, according to the State Department. U.S. Ambassador Patrick Duddy will be allowed to return to Venezuela and Venezuelan Ambassador Bernardo Alvarez Herrera will retake his post in Washington. “With (Duddy’s) return, full diplomatic representation will resume,” State Department spokesman Ian Kelly said. “This will help advance and enhance our outreach to the Venezuelan people.” Ironically, this little diplomatic dust-up began with a disagreement between the U.S. and Bolivia. Bolivian President Evo Morales expelled the U.S. ambassador from his country to protest what he called American interference in his country. For some odd reason, Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez felt like he had to follow suit and gave Duddy the boot from his country in September. It took the United States all of one day to return the favor and from there, it was on. Making matters a bit awkward has been the fact that the United States accounts for about 60 percent of Venezuela’s total exports. In other words, we’ll buy your goods but we don’t want any sort of diplomatic relationship with you. Relations between the two countries have been improving ever so gradually since Barack Obama took office in January, so it’s not the biggest surprise that the reinstatement of ambassadors is taking place. “The Obama administration wants to have more fluid communication and to improve relations,” said Nicolas Maduro Moros, Venezuela’s minister for foreign affairs. “Our position on this issue is very clear, and we are ready to move forward.” Full diplomatic relations between the U.S. and Venezuela still haven’t been restored, but I suppose this is a nice step in that direction……….
- Quite an eclectic group of performers that will be taking to the stage at the 11th annual Voodoo Experience music festival, taking place Halloween weekend in New Orleans. Not that the people of the Crescent City need an excuse to put on bizarre costumes and drink a lot of alcohol, but this will provide them with one. The list of scheduled acts includes Eminem, Kiss, Jane's Addiction, the Flaming Lips, Ween, Silversun Pickups, Wolfmother, Eagles of Death Metal, the Black Keys, New Orleans natives Mutemath, Black Lips, Mates of State, All Time Low, Robert Randolph & the Family Band, the Knux and George Clinton & Parliament-Funkadelic. It should be quite a show, with more than 150 acts total who will play on eight stages in three separate areas -- named Le Ritual, Le Flambeau and Le Carnival -- around the city. It will be Eminem’s first full-length concert in four years, which not-so-coincidentally comes as he’s looking to drum up support for his new album, "The Relapse.” The festival will be covered on-air and online by Fuse, a cable network that many of you have probably never heard of. Should you be looking to head to the Big Easy and get your drink on, er, hear some great music and possibly enjoy a beer or fifteen, tickets for the weekend are available for $169. If you can afford to step up to the VIP level, LOA Lounge VIP passes are priced $475. One benefit for all festival goers this year is that Voodoo organizers are absorbing any surcharges, so tickets will be slightly less expensive than they could have been. I definitely wish I could be on hand for this, because Halloween is already an insane party in New Orleans, but adding a ton of great bands on three stages around the city is going to make it even better……..
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