- How proud you must be, Portland, Oregon. It’s not every day the world’s most famous porn star opens an upscale swingers club in your town. Never mind any cause for civic pride you may have clung to before now, Ron Jeremy is here to make you forget it and embrace your city’s new claim to fame: Club Sesso. Yes, all of the freaks out there who are bored with the idea of actually sleeping with the person they married will now have a new place to go and swap out their spouse for a few hours so they can sex it up with a total stranger. Club Sesso's grand opening is set for June 19, but if you were to wander by the building at 824 SW 1st Ave. near the Portland World Trade Center, you would have no clue what was inside. Because the club is private, there is no sign on the building. Inside are 11 private rooms with king-size beds, a large group area and a couples-only lounge. Sounds…..umm, freaky. Jeremy and business partner Paul Smith say their new club for deprived freaks answers "an overdue demand for an exciting upscale swinger's nightclub in Portland." What, have you done research on this? Maybe a focus group on how many people in the city would be open to the idea of going to some greasy, sleazy club and whoring out their marriage for a few hours while their spouse does the same? Was there a poll done as well? I don’t doubt that there will be some freaks who sign up to be a member of this club; I just know that each and every last one of them will be as jacked-up and morally-bent as they can be. Here’s a novel idea: if you don’t want to be tied to one person and you want to be able to sleep with as many people as you want, don’t get married. Marriage implies that you’re sticking with one person. Like I said, what a day this is for all residents of Portland……
- When some masked loser attempts to rob a convenience store and the owner of that store is a pissed-off, prepared dude with a gun, the ending of the attempted robbery is typically messy and often deadly. When you’ve got people with guns and neither of them is exactly a trained soldier or skilled with their weapon, bloodshed and death are frequently byproducts. This is the first time I can remember a store owner pulling a gun on a would-be robber and a) having the robber get down on his knees and beg for his life and b) decide to change his religion to that of the store owner who pulled the gun on him. That bizarre scene unfolded on Long Island in New York, where Mohammad Sohail was closing up his convenience store just after midnight on May 21. The store’s surveillance camera shows a man entering the store holding a baseball bat and demanding money. "He said, 'Hurry up and give me the money, give me the money!' and I said, 'Hold on'," Sohail recalled. Realizing that the robber had brought a bat to a gun fight, Sohail reached under the counter, grabbed his gun and told the robber to drop the bat and get down on his knees. "He's crying like a baby," Sohail said. "He says, 'Don't call police, don't shoot me, I have no money, I have no food in my house.’” Interesting plea…..and the cynic among us would wonder if this tool was just saying that to get out of a tough spot. Yet as the man continued to profusely apologize, Sohail said he felt compassion for the man. Sohail made the man promise never to rob anyone again and when he agreed, Sohail gave him $40 and a loaf of bread. That gesture proved to be a life-altering one for both men. “When he gets $40, he's very impressed, he says, 'I want to be a Muslim just like you,' " Sohail said. He had the robber-turned-beggar recite a Muslim oath and told him, “Congratulations. You are now a Muslim and your name is Nawaz Sharif Zardari.'” Oddly enough, neither Sohail nor the police know the identity of the robber. After becoming a Muslim, the man fled the store as Sohail went to get him some free milk. For his part, Sohail doesn’t intend to press charges even if police find his new friend. “The guy, you know, everybody has a hard time right now, it's too bad for everybody right now in this economy," he said. Truly a bizarre scene and thankfully, a convenience store robbery didn’t end in bloodshed for once……..
- I hesitate to bring this next story up because doing so will dredge up the painful memories of Prison Break’s all-time awful final scene, but I’ll forge ahead for your sake. Over all four seasons of Fox’s stellar series about a group of cons breaking out of Fox River Penitentiary in Illinois and their subsequent run from various government agencies, Robert Knepper became a huge fan favorite. For a guy who plays a convicted child rapist and murderer who is every bit as despicable as you’d expect and then some. Yet Knepper so brought the character of Theodore "T-Bag" Bagwell to life that you could never have imagined the show without him. But now that PB has ended, I’m happy to see Knepper joining antoehr of my absolute favorite shows: NBC's Heroes. He’ll appear when Heroes returns this fall and follow in the shoes of actors like Malcolm McDowell, who have played the role of the uber-villain for a given season of the sci-fi thrill ride.
In the Season 4 volume "Redemption," Knepper will play Samuel, the charismatic yet wicked ringmaster of a literal circus. As you’d expect, he’s far from the only addition to the cast. Heroes will also be adding Californication's Madeline Zima as a Gretchen, a prickly, cantankerous fellow student that Claire Bennet (Hayden Panettiere) encounters as she heads off to college (apparently fulfilling the wishes of dad H.R.G. to at least try and have a normal life - or at least pretend to). There is also the show’s new start time to discuss: Monday nights at 8 p.m., an hour earlier than in the past. Also, rather than break up the season into two ambiguously labeled, disjointed parts in the fall and spring, the plan for this season appears to be a continuous season as other mega-shows like are Lost wont to do. Oh, and gotta love the ambiguity on NBC’s part as to how many episodes Season 4 will consist of. At the network’s May upfronts, boss Ben Silverman explained that NBC has ordered "around 19 episodes" of the series. Don’t be too specific there, B. Wouldn’t want fans to know classified, highly valuable intel like how many episodes they’ll have to watch…….
- Count me as one of the many who are extremely happy to see new NFL Players Association executive director DeMaurice Smith stepping up to help the scores of former players who were all but ignored by his predecessor, the late Gene Upshaw. I take no joy in being critical of someone who passed away less than a year ago, but Upshaw incorrectly believed that he was under no obligation to help former players who suffered from debilitating injuries and illnesses caused by their time in the NFL. His reasoning was that he was there only for the current players, even if the current players would have virtually none of their luxurious lifestyles if not for those former players. After Upshaw passes away, Smith was selected as the new NFLPA leader and among the things he has done in his short time on the job, reaching out to the various groups of former players that have formed to fight for their rights is the most noteworthy from where I sit. Last November, a group of retired players led by former Green Bay Packers and Dallas Cowboys cornerback Herb Adderley won a lawsuit against the NFLPA for $28.1 million. Adderley was the lead plaintiff in a class action suit on behalf of 2,056 retired players who claimed the union had breached licensing and marketing terms for use of their images in video games, sports trading cards and other dealings. Rather than do what Upshaw probably would have done - namely fight the judgment as long as possible and drag it out in court for years - Smith elected to live up to his call for unity between active and retired players. Under his leadership, the NFLPA has settled the lawsuit for nearly $26 million. The agreement was formally announced today, although news of the deal came out yesterday. A 10-person federal jury in a San Francisco court made a unanimous finding in favor of the players, but the amount awarded in the case was far short of the $90 million in damages that the plaintiffs claimed. Instead, the jury awarded $7.1 million in actual damages and $21 million in punitive damages. A U.S. District Judge upheld the award in January, with the NFLPA’s lead attorney on the case, Jeff Kessler, vowing an aggressive appeal of the verdict. Instead, Smith was chosen as the new union head in March and steered the conflict toward a peaceful resolution instead of another all-out brawl. Props on that, D. Smith. Here’s hoping that this is the start of a beautiful working relationship and perhaps even a friendship between the NFLPA and former players…….
- Are you getting uppity with us, Cuba? We were good enough to agree to sit down and talk with you about reopening diplomatic relations and various other subjects and now you’re copping an attitude? After the Organization of American States was magnanimous enough to lift the 47-year-old suspension of your country's membership, you’re going to reject that offer? Ricardo Alarcon, president of the National Assembly, made the announcement Friday, turning down the multinational organization’s olive branch after nearly five decades of banishment. Alarcon’s announcement was merely a formality after former Cuban President Fidel Castro had said earlier this week that Cuba had no interest in rejoining the 35-nation group. Apparently the reason Cuba rejected the offer was because as part of the deal, Latin American leaders set up a mechanism by which Cuba could rejoin and much of the dialogue would have centered on human rights. When U.S. Secretary of State Hank Clinton applauded that decision, I’m guessing Cuban leaders didn’t appreciate it much. Actually, the United States had sought to obtain concessions from Cuba this year in exchange for readmission to the OAS, so the decision by Latin American leaders to impose certain standards on the Cubans follows in that same vein. As for Cuba….look, I understand your thing is being the badass, rogue Communist nation that doesn’t take orders from anyone. You’re going to ruthlessly run your country and you don’t want outsiders bossing you around. However, now is not the time for you to channel your inner evil Cuba and throw a temper tantrum just because the U.S. is asking you to grant greater political and personal freedoms for your island's 11 million citizens. What’s wrong with a few basic personal freedoms for your people? Is that going to be the end of the world? You’re sending very conflicting messages about whether you want to be a part of the civilized world and global community, Cuba. Make up your mind and let us know some time soon, if you don’t mind…….
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