- This is one trend I would love to see continue. Any time race car drivers want to issue apologies for the crappiness of their little driving competition, I’ll welcome their words with open arms. I’m on the record as a) adamantly believing that auto racing in any form is not a sport and b) that any competition wherein human beings do not provide almost all of the power necessary to take part is not a sport. It doesn’t matter if it’s IndyCar, NASCAR, go karts, Funny Car, drag racing or any other variation on auto racing, they are all equally fraudulent when it comes to being real sports. So when drivers like Scott Dixon describe the IndyCar Series race at Richmond International Raceway as "a bit of a procession, unfortunately," and said the 300-lap event was frustrating, I am behind him 100 percent. I’m even more pumped when runner-up Dario Franchitti apologized to fans for an "awful, awful race.” Gentlemen, I thank you for your honesty and wish that all race car drivers would be so forthright. After every single race, drivers need to hop out of their cars, find the nearest microphone and profusely apologize for what they just took part in. I don’t want canned, rehashed apologies, either; I want a genuine, heartfelt mea culpa for having anything to do with driving cars around in a loop really fast for hours on end and trying to pass it off as a sport. It also wouldn’t hurt to admit that you’re trying to claim as a sport something tens of millions of Americans do every day: getting into a car, driving fast, changing lanes without signaling, cutting off other drivers and trying not t o run into barriers along the side of the road. And no, I don’t want to hear how the apologies from Dixon and Franchitti were because of this specific race at this specific track, which has apparently been problematic for IndyCar in the past as well. I’m going to blow right past those alleged facts and take joy in the fact that for once, participants in an auto race are openly apologizing for how awful their event was and they meant it…….
- Maybe it’s just me, but Republican state Sen. Jake Knotts of South Carolina sounds really angry. Knotts, the chief rival of Gov. Mark Sanford, has already stated his intentions to pursue a criminal prosecution of Sanford -- even if he has to go to Washington. To that end, he’s called on prosecutors to launch a criminal probe and plans to pursue an investigation in the state legislature, the state attorney general’s office and possibly a federal probe. “When you can’t get results in your own state, there is a Justice Department in Washington,” Knotts declared. “I don’t want to go that route. I want us to wash our own laundry and clean up our own act.” All right, I can get with a good laundry metaphor. But let’s carry this thing out all the way, k? You also need to rant on about throwing Sanford’s dirty laundry in the washing machine of the legal system, dumping in the detergent of due process, mixing in the bleach of justice and cleansing away the stains of gubernatorial misconduct and financial irresponsibility.
“Somebody’s gonna look at this,” Knotts said. “Somebody’s gonna look to the bottom of it and somebody’s gonna give me some answers.” Gonna give you some answers? You? Why exactly are they answering to state Sen. Jake Knotts of South Carolina? Look bro, I too would be bitter of the governor of my state had (allegedly) left the state numerous to visit his mistress in Argentina without turning over control to his second-in-command and charged taxpayers for an earlier stop in Argentina where he visited her. I think we’d all be angry about that, even if the offending governor promised to repay more than $8,000 for that stop, which Sanford has done. What seems to be fueling Knotts’ fire is that state legal officials are saying at this point they have nothing to investigate. “At this point we have not launched an investigation,” Reggie Lloyd, Director of the South Carolina law Enforcement Division, told ABC. “We don’t anticipate it unless somebody brought us new facts.” Perhaps Knotts is also livid that Sanford’s office has stated that he intends to remain in office for the remaining 18 months of his term. I can't say either of those things for certain, but what I can say is that of all the people who are upset about this situation, state Sen. Jake Knotts of South Carolina is by far the angriest and most militant person we’ve heard from……..
- When music fans and observers look back at the influential bands to come out of the Pacific Northwest during the 1990s, Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden and even Screaming Trees usually pop up first. A band that doesn’t receive as much recognition is pioneering Seattle rock band Sunny Day Real Estate, which put out some pretty freaking good music in the mid-90s. The problem for SDRE was that the band always seemed to be teetering on the verge of implosion and could never stick and stay together long enough to put out more than an album or two in a row. The release of 1994's "Diary" and the untitled follow-up commonly known as "LP2" or "The Pink Album" in 1995 provided some seminal indie-type rock classics, but tension was always lurking for the band. By the time the second album was released, the band had already broken up, due in part to frontman Jeremy Enigk's conversion to Christianity. Three years passed, with Enigk striking out on his own for some lighter-sounding solo releases while drummer William Goldsmith and guitarist Nate Mendel joined Foo Fighters. In 1998, the band suddenly regrouped with all of its original members - except Mendel, who remained with Foo Fighters. In his place, SDRE trotted out a steady stream of replacement bassists, none of who seemed to allow the band to fully replicate its original sound. The reconfigured SDRE recorded the acclaimed album "How It Feels to Be Something On.” The new version of the band made it all of two years and released a second album, album "The Rising Tide," before falling apart again. This time, Enigk, Mendel and Goldsmith reunited shortly after the break-up under the name Fire Theft. Fire Theft put out all of one album, 2003’s self-titled effort, but that was the end of the line for them. Enigk has since released two solo albums and an EP, the most recent of those coming out last month on his own label. Now, Sunny Day Real Estate is set to reunite with its original lineup for the first time since 1998. The band will reissue its first two albums and hit the road this fall, marking SDRE’s first shows of any kind since November 2000. Dates begin Sept. 17 in Vancouver and run through Oct. 16 in Seattle. The set lists for the shows, which will include stops in place like Salt Lake City, Detroit, Chicago, New York, Atlanta, Houston and Anaheim, will be heavy on material from the band’s first two albums. “Some songs make me cringe, and some still blow me away," Enigk said 2003 during an interview about the legacy of Sunny Day Real Estate. "Some songs that made me cringe once, blow me away now.” It will be good to see the band back together and out on the road, although history would suggest that this reunion isn’t likely to be long lived……
- No matter how hard you try, you just can’t give some morons a second chance. Journey with me to the town of Watsonville. Calif., where a known gang member took less than 24 hours to throw away an incredibly generous break from a judge. Colby Isidro appeared before Judge Paul Marigonda on felony charges stemming from a December incident, but the judge decided to throw Isidro a bone and reduce the charges to misdemeanors. Isidro was charged with assault with a deadly weapon and being an active member of the Norteno street gang, so it’s amazing that Judge Marigonda treated him as kindly as he did. All Isidro had to do was serve 3 years probation and 180 days of work furlough, which is a pretty sweet deal. Don’t take my word for it; the Santa Cruz District Attorney called it a "sweet deal" as well. So what to do with new-found, unmerited freedom? How about trying to flee from the cops when they pull over your car, getting caught a ways down the road and being discovered with a loaded gun? Now he’s back where he belongs - in the clink. Isidro has been charged with possession of a loaded gun and attempting an act of street terrorism in the name of the Norteno gang. He handled his first hearing in this new case with unquestionable class and intelligence, pleading not guilty. When told that he would need to waive his right to a speedy trial if he wanted to be represented by the same attorney that had just gotten him out of a felony assault charge and gang enhancement, he replied, "No speedy trial, let's get this show on the road!" Never mind that both parts of that statement mean the same thing, idiot. Let’s focus on the fact that you managed to get yourself saddled with a public defender and when you return to court on July 10, you’re going to be facing one very pissed off judge. Perhaps this will teach Judge Marigonda a valuable lesson about trying to be lenient and giving idiots like Colby Isidro a chance to redeem themselves……..
- Color me doubtful, but I have a very tough time believing that the alleged dispatches from North Korea's state news agency showing up on Twitter are legitimate. A Twitter feed using the name "kcna—dprk" — acronyms of Pyongyang's state Korean Central News Agency and the country's official name, the Democratic People's Republic of Korea — purports to be the real deal, but so do a lot of bogus Twitter feeds of famous people and entities. Whoever set up this practical joke did some serious work, as the feed provides links to hundreds of the agency's English-language stories. and rocks a background showing the North's red-and-blue national flag. News-relay feeds on Twitter are nothing new and have popped up on the site with regularity almost since its creation. Ironically, even if the Twitter feed were really from the government of North Korea, its people still would not have access to the site or the Internet itself. The dictatorial, Communist regime restricts Internet access to high-ranking officials while keeping all of its 24 million people from surfing the Web at all. Most of those people likely have no idea what Twitter is or that kcna—dprk had tweeted 562 stories since late April. Just another of the many perks and bennies to living in one of the world's most isolated nations. And as I said, there is a definite precedent for pulling this sort of stunt, pretending to be someone of importance on Twitter. Other Twitter users have operated similar news-relay feeds in the past, including one for CNN. That situation actually worked out quite well for James Cox, the man who started the feed for CNN reports under the handle "cnnbrk.” The network actually bought it from Cox, which is probably more than he deserved under the circumstances. As for "kcna—dprk," the feed has more than 2,800 followers and is following almost as many others, including one tool claiming to be North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il. I doubt the legitimacy of that account even more than I doubt "kcna—dprk," given the fact that the bio for “Kim Jong Il” describes himself as "the ruler of North Korea. I like leading, chillaxin', inventing things, and following my dreams. I'm better at everything than you." While I don’t doubt that K.J. Il2 thinks he is better at everything than everyone (he once claimed to have shot ten holes-in-one during the first round of golf he ever played), let’s go ahead and assume that the dictator of a nation in possession of nuclear weapons and looking to launch WWIII isn’t using the word “chillaxin.” Nice try, though……..
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Why the NCAA needs to grow a sense of humor, dorks develop iPhone apps featuring porn and a weekend military coup livens up life in Honduras
- Lighten up, NCAA. I know you feel the need to be the big, bad arm of the law for collegiate athletics, but it would really be better for everyone if you would just loosen up. For example, when five Division II wrestlers, one head coach, two assistant coaches and a donor attend the D-2 the national championships in Houston, get liquored up and trash hotel rooms, you should consider not suspending them and perhaps even applauding them for bringing some fun and excitement to what could otherwise be an extremely dull few days. Let’s face it: who gives a crap about the NCAA Division II wrestling championships? The overwhelming majority of sports fans don’t care or know about the D-I wrestling championships, so there’s no way they have any interest in the second-tier of the sport. Instead of reprimanding and fining these nine individuals, you should be celebrating them. I’ll assume that the fines were levied against the non-athletes, as the NCAA can't exactly impose financial penalties on student-athletes. The fines weren’t huge, totaling only $4,000, but it’s the principle of the thing, dammit. Fine, upstanding colleges and universities such as Nebraska-Omaha, Findlay, Upper Iowa, Newberry and Minnesota State, Moorhead had their names sullied because the NCAA has no sense of humor or concept of fun. Big deal, one wrestler, both assistant coaches and a donor were arrested for public intoxication, another wrestler was arrested for evading arrest and the others were cited for unruly behavior and property damage. They are likely not the first to do property damage to the Hyatt Regency in Houston and I’m guessing they won't be the last. At least people are talking about the NCAA Division II wrestling championships, which is something you can't normally say…….
- Nothing livens up a weekend quite like a military coup and the arrest of a country’s president. That means Honduras is having quite a fun time at the moment, given the fact that the Honduran military arrested President Jose Manuel Zelaya Sunday morning, the same day he vowed to follow through with a referendum that Honduras' Supreme Court had ruled illegal. A government official confirmed that Zelaya was detained and sent out of the country, landing in Costa Rica later in the day. He was seized at his official residence by a military team, which encountered resistance from Zelaya's guards. Reports on whether Zelaya was injured during his capture varied, but it is not believed that he was seriously harmed in any way. He has been a lightning rod of controversy since being elected in 2005. Zelaya is an extreme leftist who has openly opposed the other branches of government. Their issues came to a head over the issue of Sunday's planned referendum, which would ask voters to place a measure on November's ballot allowing the formation of a constitutional assembly that could modify the nation's charter to allow the president to run for another term. In other words, dude doesn’t want to leave office and is looking to rig the constitution to allow him to run again. Why he doesn’t just force the legislature to pass such a measure, as Hugo Chavez did, or fix the election, as Mahmoud Ahmadinejad did, I don’t know. Zalaya’s four-year term ends in January 2010 and the current law prevents him from running for re-election. In a desperation measure, he attempted to push the issue to a vote and it took the Honduras Supreme Court all of a few days to rule the poll illegal. Congress and the top military leaders agreed, but Zelaya wasn’t hearing it. When he went ahead with printing the ballots, the military confiscated them from the presidential residence. The military also ripped the state-run television news station from the air, further silencing Zelaya’s voice. In response, Zelaya fired the country's top military commander, Gen. Romeo Vasquez Velasquez. He also dubbed the court as the "Supreme Court of Injustice," which would be funny if it weren’t so unimaginative. I do like the fact that Zelaya was so intent on holding his referendum that he led a protest to the military base where the ballots were being held and took them back. That being said, the military ruled Honduras for 25 years, right up to the point a democratically elected civilian government came to power in 1982, so it’s not as if they don’t know how to seize control and rule with an iron fist. Still, I would be remiss if I didn’t thank everyone involved for an extremely entertaining spectacle, regardless of how it turns out…….
- Here’s someone you’re going to want to avoid inviting to your birthday party. Taylor Chee Walls of Naples, Florida isn’t exactly the most gracious, giving party guest. In fact, not only is she not very giving, she’s much more focused on taking. According to police reports, Walls went to Ryan Fibble’s house on June 18 to help celebrate his birthday. The two are (or were) apparently friends and so it made sense that she would go over and help him celebrate his birthday. Other friends came as well and brought gifts and cash for the birthday boy, but those gifts wouldn’t be in Walls’ possession for long. When Fibble woke up in the morning, he found that Walls and all of his birthday gifts— including $300 cash— were missing. Uh oh. He immediately contacted the Collier County sheriff’s office after learning that Walls dropped off an Adidas bag full of the stolen gifts, minus the $300, in the driveway of another friend’s house. Hmm, so the gifts disappear and then reappear and she’s the one bringing them back, except that the cash is missing. Do you think that perhaps she’s the one who stole the….no, it can't be. Wait, you mean to tell me that later in the day, Walls was dumb enough to send Fibble a text message, offering to repay him the stolen $300? Oh. But wait, there’s more. Later in the day, she reversed field and sent a second text message taking back her offer to return the cash. Good one, lady. No one is going to think you have the stolen cash then! Just tell the guy that you were kidding about offering him the money back because you don’t have it and that the person who saw you dump the bag of stolen gifts in their driveway was just hallucinating. Police didn’t seem confused by Walls’ antics at all, tracking her down at her home, arresting her and charging her with felony grand theft. It has been a while since I offered up a lesson from my seminar for aspiring-but-stupid criminals, so let’s break one out here. If you are enough of a scumbag to steal $850 worth of presents and cash from your friend at their birthday party, do not return the non-cash gifts by dumping them in the driveway of a mutual friend and do not, under any circumstances, send a text message, email or leave a voice mail offering to return the stolen money. Take the money and run, both from the police and the realization that you are a douche bag without a soul and don’t deserve any friends. Thank you to Ms. Walls for providing me a chance to teach that valuable lesson…….
- Hmm…..the tech dorks out there looking to come up with new iPhone apps are among the least likely to have kissed an actual girl or had sex with one in their life, so they would probably be among the chief consumers of online porn, no? Sounds like solid reasoning to me, which is why I’m not the least bit surprised at reports that Apple was considering the approval of the first iPhone apps containing pictures of naked women. Reports that Hottest Girls had become the first application approved for sale in the iTunes App Store that contains nudity proved to be premature. The app itself is nothing new, but what has changed is the addition of topless women to its gallery of “2200+ sexy bikini babes and lingerie models.” Of course, pathetic losers have been able to access all the porn they need on their iPhone through its Internet browser, but this would have been the first time Apple officially sanctioned images of naked women for the iPhone. With the addition of expanded parental controls in the new iPhone 3.0 OS software, some industry observers felt that approving a porn app might make more sense. Those who have test-driven the Hottest Girls app haven’t exactly given it glowing reviews, but then again, it’s porn, so what sort of quality is to be expected. As long as there are pictures of naked chicks to be seen, pathetic losers everywhere will come a flockin’. But not only did Apple not approve the porn twist add-on for Hottest Girls; the app actually disappeared from the iTunes store shortly after news of the approval began circulating. Of course, a website allegedly run by Hottest Girls app developers had an explanation locked and loaded for the situation. “The Hottest Girls app is temporarily sold out. The server usage is extremely high because of the popularity of this app. Thus, by not distributing the app, we can prevent our servers from crashing. Those who already have the app will still be able to use our app. To answer the question on everyone’s mind: Yes, the topless images will still be there when it is sold again.” Thanks for that, never-kissed-a-girl dork. Apple also had its say on the matter, with Apple spokesman Tom Neumayr weighing in thusly: “Apple will not distribute applications that contain inappropriate content, such as pornography. The developer of this application added inappropriate content directly from their server after the application had been approved and distributed, and after the developer had subsequently been asked to remove some offensive content. This was a direct violation of the terms of the iPhone Developer Program. The application is no longer available on the App Store.” Sounds to me like the Hottest Girls app developer is a lying sack of sh*t attempting to obscure the truth about what really happened. Oh well, I guess dorks will have to go back to getting their iPhone porn the old-fashioned way, through the Web browser……..
- This next story is a truly sad one. I want to wish a very melancholy happy trails to legendary infomercial pitchman Billy Mays, who died at his Tampa, Florida, home Sunday morning. First and foremost, thoughts and prayers to the Mays family for what appears to be a totally unexpected tragedy. Mays, ironically enough, was 50 years old, the same age as Michael Jackson, who died Thursday. The one complicating factor in Mays’ death could be the fact that he was on the US Airways flight from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, to Tampa on Saturday that had a hard landing at Tampa International Airport when the plane's front tire blew out. Although no injuries were reported from the crash, Mays said in an interview that he did take a hit to the head from falling baggage during the bumpy landing. "All of a sudden as we hit you know it was just the hardest hit, all the things from the ceiling started dropping. It hit me on the head, but I got a hard head," he declared. The Hillsborough County medical examiner will perform an autopsy, which should determine if the blow to the head played any role in Mays’ death. He was officially pronounced dead at 7:45 a.m., making him the fourth big-name celebrity (Jackson, actress Farrah Fawcett and TV personality Ed McMahon) to pass away within the past week. Mays was known as a pitch man for a variety of products, but perhaps none more so than his shouting ads for the cleaning product OxiClean. He could also be seen in commercials for ESPN’s “ESPN 360” online video service and on the reality TV show ''Pitchmen'' on the Discovery Channel, which follows pitch people in their jobs. His signature jet-black hair and beard were also key parts of Mays’ persona, which seemed to translate no matter what product he was pitching. His enthusiasm and exuberance drew in people who had no interest in a given product and kept them watching simply to see Billy Mays do his thing. So it is with immense sadness that I once again wish happy trails to Mays and marvel at what a true downer of a week this has been………
- Nothing livens up a weekend quite like a military coup and the arrest of a country’s president. That means Honduras is having quite a fun time at the moment, given the fact that the Honduran military arrested President Jose Manuel Zelaya Sunday morning, the same day he vowed to follow through with a referendum that Honduras' Supreme Court had ruled illegal. A government official confirmed that Zelaya was detained and sent out of the country, landing in Costa Rica later in the day. He was seized at his official residence by a military team, which encountered resistance from Zelaya's guards. Reports on whether Zelaya was injured during his capture varied, but it is not believed that he was seriously harmed in any way. He has been a lightning rod of controversy since being elected in 2005. Zelaya is an extreme leftist who has openly opposed the other branches of government. Their issues came to a head over the issue of Sunday's planned referendum, which would ask voters to place a measure on November's ballot allowing the formation of a constitutional assembly that could modify the nation's charter to allow the president to run for another term. In other words, dude doesn’t want to leave office and is looking to rig the constitution to allow him to run again. Why he doesn’t just force the legislature to pass such a measure, as Hugo Chavez did, or fix the election, as Mahmoud Ahmadinejad did, I don’t know. Zalaya’s four-year term ends in January 2010 and the current law prevents him from running for re-election. In a desperation measure, he attempted to push the issue to a vote and it took the Honduras Supreme Court all of a few days to rule the poll illegal. Congress and the top military leaders agreed, but Zelaya wasn’t hearing it. When he went ahead with printing the ballots, the military confiscated them from the presidential residence. The military also ripped the state-run television news station from the air, further silencing Zelaya’s voice. In response, Zelaya fired the country's top military commander, Gen. Romeo Vasquez Velasquez. He also dubbed the court as the "Supreme Court of Injustice," which would be funny if it weren’t so unimaginative. I do like the fact that Zelaya was so intent on holding his referendum that he led a protest to the military base where the ballots were being held and took them back. That being said, the military ruled Honduras for 25 years, right up to the point a democratically elected civilian government came to power in 1982, so it’s not as if they don’t know how to seize control and rule with an iron fist. Still, I would be remiss if I didn’t thank everyone involved for an extremely entertaining spectacle, regardless of how it turns out…….
- Here’s someone you’re going to want to avoid inviting to your birthday party. Taylor Chee Walls of Naples, Florida isn’t exactly the most gracious, giving party guest. In fact, not only is she not very giving, she’s much more focused on taking. According to police reports, Walls went to Ryan Fibble’s house on June 18 to help celebrate his birthday. The two are (or were) apparently friends and so it made sense that she would go over and help him celebrate his birthday. Other friends came as well and brought gifts and cash for the birthday boy, but those gifts wouldn’t be in Walls’ possession for long. When Fibble woke up in the morning, he found that Walls and all of his birthday gifts— including $300 cash— were missing. Uh oh. He immediately contacted the Collier County sheriff’s office after learning that Walls dropped off an Adidas bag full of the stolen gifts, minus the $300, in the driveway of another friend’s house. Hmm, so the gifts disappear and then reappear and she’s the one bringing them back, except that the cash is missing. Do you think that perhaps she’s the one who stole the….no, it can't be. Wait, you mean to tell me that later in the day, Walls was dumb enough to send Fibble a text message, offering to repay him the stolen $300? Oh. But wait, there’s more. Later in the day, she reversed field and sent a second text message taking back her offer to return the cash. Good one, lady. No one is going to think you have the stolen cash then! Just tell the guy that you were kidding about offering him the money back because you don’t have it and that the person who saw you dump the bag of stolen gifts in their driveway was just hallucinating. Police didn’t seem confused by Walls’ antics at all, tracking her down at her home, arresting her and charging her with felony grand theft. It has been a while since I offered up a lesson from my seminar for aspiring-but-stupid criminals, so let’s break one out here. If you are enough of a scumbag to steal $850 worth of presents and cash from your friend at their birthday party, do not return the non-cash gifts by dumping them in the driveway of a mutual friend and do not, under any circumstances, send a text message, email or leave a voice mail offering to return the stolen money. Take the money and run, both from the police and the realization that you are a douche bag without a soul and don’t deserve any friends. Thank you to Ms. Walls for providing me a chance to teach that valuable lesson…….
- Hmm…..the tech dorks out there looking to come up with new iPhone apps are among the least likely to have kissed an actual girl or had sex with one in their life, so they would probably be among the chief consumers of online porn, no? Sounds like solid reasoning to me, which is why I’m not the least bit surprised at reports that Apple was considering the approval of the first iPhone apps containing pictures of naked women. Reports that Hottest Girls had become the first application approved for sale in the iTunes App Store that contains nudity proved to be premature. The app itself is nothing new, but what has changed is the addition of topless women to its gallery of “2200+ sexy bikini babes and lingerie models.” Of course, pathetic losers have been able to access all the porn they need on their iPhone through its Internet browser, but this would have been the first time Apple officially sanctioned images of naked women for the iPhone. With the addition of expanded parental controls in the new iPhone 3.0 OS software, some industry observers felt that approving a porn app might make more sense. Those who have test-driven the Hottest Girls app haven’t exactly given it glowing reviews, but then again, it’s porn, so what sort of quality is to be expected. As long as there are pictures of naked chicks to be seen, pathetic losers everywhere will come a flockin’. But not only did Apple not approve the porn twist add-on for Hottest Girls; the app actually disappeared from the iTunes store shortly after news of the approval began circulating. Of course, a website allegedly run by Hottest Girls app developers had an explanation locked and loaded for the situation. “The Hottest Girls app is temporarily sold out. The server usage is extremely high because of the popularity of this app. Thus, by not distributing the app, we can prevent our servers from crashing. Those who already have the app will still be able to use our app. To answer the question on everyone’s mind: Yes, the topless images will still be there when it is sold again.” Thanks for that, never-kissed-a-girl dork. Apple also had its say on the matter, with Apple spokesman Tom Neumayr weighing in thusly: “Apple will not distribute applications that contain inappropriate content, such as pornography. The developer of this application added inappropriate content directly from their server after the application had been approved and distributed, and after the developer had subsequently been asked to remove some offensive content. This was a direct violation of the terms of the iPhone Developer Program. The application is no longer available on the App Store.” Sounds to me like the Hottest Girls app developer is a lying sack of sh*t attempting to obscure the truth about what really happened. Oh well, I guess dorks will have to go back to getting their iPhone porn the old-fashioned way, through the Web browser……..
- This next story is a truly sad one. I want to wish a very melancholy happy trails to legendary infomercial pitchman Billy Mays, who died at his Tampa, Florida, home Sunday morning. First and foremost, thoughts and prayers to the Mays family for what appears to be a totally unexpected tragedy. Mays, ironically enough, was 50 years old, the same age as Michael Jackson, who died Thursday. The one complicating factor in Mays’ death could be the fact that he was on the US Airways flight from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, to Tampa on Saturday that had a hard landing at Tampa International Airport when the plane's front tire blew out. Although no injuries were reported from the crash, Mays said in an interview that he did take a hit to the head from falling baggage during the bumpy landing. "All of a sudden as we hit you know it was just the hardest hit, all the things from the ceiling started dropping. It hit me on the head, but I got a hard head," he declared. The Hillsborough County medical examiner will perform an autopsy, which should determine if the blow to the head played any role in Mays’ death. He was officially pronounced dead at 7:45 a.m., making him the fourth big-name celebrity (Jackson, actress Farrah Fawcett and TV personality Ed McMahon) to pass away within the past week. Mays was known as a pitch man for a variety of products, but perhaps none more so than his shouting ads for the cleaning product OxiClean. He could also be seen in commercials for ESPN’s “ESPN 360” online video service and on the reality TV show ''Pitchmen'' on the Discovery Channel, which follows pitch people in their jobs. His signature jet-black hair and beard were also key parts of Mays’ persona, which seemed to translate no matter what product he was pitching. His enthusiasm and exuberance drew in people who had no interest in a given product and kept them watching simply to see Billy Mays do his thing. So it is with immense sadness that I once again wish happy trails to Mays and marvel at what a true downer of a week this has been………
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Where ugly dogs can be king, J.C. Romero's possible 'roid rage and Jim James with some non-MMJ music that should be really good
- When I heard that Philadelphia Phillies pitcher J.C. Romero was involved in an altercation with a fan at a game in Tampa, one question immediately sprung to mind: Was it ‘roid rage? Ironically, the altercation was steroid-related, but I can neither confirm nor deny that it occurred in part because Romero is still using steroids, because I don’t know if he is or isn’t. What I do know is that Romero grabbed and shoved Robert Eaton of New Port Richey, Fla., after the fan made two comments about steroids. Romero was suspended for the first 50 games of the season after testing positive for androstenedione, the steroid precursor that former MLB star Mark McGwire made famous in the 1990s (part of the past that McGwire insisted that he would not talk about when appearing before Congress). The Phillies confirmed the incident and that Romero was the player involved. Eaton claimed in an interview that he called out to Romero after a couple of Phillies brushed off his requests for autographs. His oh, so clever response was to ask Romero to get him some steroids. It was a stupid comment, no doubt, but it didn’t deserve the response it received. According to Eaton’s account, Romero grabbed me by the neck and threw me back.” Who knows, maybe this whole mess has something to do with the fact that the Phillies defeated Tampa Bay in the World Series last year. Perhaps Eaton was bent at the squad that ripped the world title from his favorite team and went to the game looking to hook a player and get him to react. Whatever his motives were, Romero has to be above any sort of baiting and just keep walking. When you accept the big money to play professional sports, part of the understanding is that you will have to overlook a lot of the crap that fans throw at you. There are some lines fans cross that players can react to, namely threatening a player’s family or something along those lines, but taunting a player about a positive drug test isn’t one of them. If you don’t want a fan to bring it up, then don’t test positive for a drug and get suspended. In the end, both parties share some blame for the incident but it’s Romero who comes out of this looking worse…..
- Uh oh, the big, bad National Security Council in Iran is demanding that opposition leader Mir Hossein Moussavi stop what he’s doing and stop it now. The council informed Moussavi that his repeated demands for the annulment of the June 12 election results are "illogical and unethical.” Unethical? How is demanding that a vote conducted under extremely shady circumstances be reviewed unethical? Sure, the National Security Council is a powerful group which includes dozens of political leaders, and has the power to appoint the country’s supreme leader, but that doesn’t mean the council is always right. Oh, and how many freaking councils and rulers does Iran have, anyhow? There’s dictator Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the subject of the bogus election, the supreme leader, the Guardian Council, the National Security Council…..it’s like freaking bureaucracy run amok. For a country that seems to hate the United States with a passion, Iran sure does emulate the U.S. in certain respects. But I digress…..both the Guardian Council and NSC have adamantly maintained that the election was legit and that there will be no re-do or re-count. They insist that Moussavi's demands are based on "erroneous" information. There is also speculation that Moussavi might be under house arrest, which in my opinion would only add fuel to the fire of resentment among his followers. The NSC is also said to be weighing Moussavi’s request to speak directly to the people, a requst that the council appears in no hurry to act on. Maybe they are hesitant to grant a public audience to a man who has openly incited his supporters to take it to the streets in the past couple of weeks, but I have no idea why. Any leader willing to incite a riot is a great leader in my book. Let the guy meet with his supporters in a public place such as the Azadi (Freedom) Stadium to discuss election issues, as Moussavi has sought. The stadium has a capacity of 100,000 and it would be a great place for an “Airing of Grievances,” to borrow a Seinfeld term. The powers that be in Iran need to realize that they can only plug up the dam of discontentment for so long before it explodes and drowns their country in the floodwaters of revolution. Let the people have their voice and quit killing or violently beating them for trying to speak out……
- Jim James, the musical mastermind behind My Morning Jacket, is a busy man these days. He’s temporarily striking out on his own and on August 4, he will release his first solo album under the name Yim Yames. The album will be a tribute to a deceased musical legend who actually merits such a tribute, the late Beatle George Harrison. This isn’t a full-length project, but fans can check out the entire EP starting on July 7 when the set becomes available via Yimyames.com for purchase. Right now you can download one of the album’s tracks, "Behind That Locked Door," for free on the website. Should you be one of those freaks who pre-orders albums (never understood the concept, it will still be available on the day of release and I can order and pay for it then), pre-orders for CD and vinyl versions will start on July 7. A cool side benefit is that a portion of the proceeds will be donated to the Woodstock Farm Animal Sanctuary. “I felt like I was in the weirdest head space when I did that EP,” James said of the 2001 recording session that took place just days after Harrison's death. "I felt really confused a lot of the time. I wanted to just do it and let it come out even if I messed stuff up. It's definitely not the tightest or most professional recording you're ever going to hear in your life but I like that. I think it lends it a more childish atmosphere.” He went on to say that the recordings paint a picture of who he was in 2001 and shows his love for Harrison’s music. While parts of the album will be heavy on acoustic guitars and vocals, some songs will have a different vibe. “Love You To" has banjo accompaniment and "Ballad of Sir Frankie Crisp (Let It Roll)" has James on piano. There won't be any drums and the pace will be fairly deliberate, James explains, but I have a feeling this is going to be a really cool project. Ever the creative enigma, James has been sitting on these recordings for quite awhile. He simply says the time "never felt right until now" to release them. The inspiration for doing so now came partially from James’ participation in David Lynch's "Change Begins Within" concert, where he says Harrison’s name came up a lot. As for a full-length solo album, he admits that he’s just starting to work on the concept but has nothing definite at this point. James will work out of his home studio, tinker around and at some point, come up with the album. I know I’ll be looking forward to it and I have a feeling that a lot of fans of truly great music will be as well……
- If you’re going to spend the rest of your life in prison, you’d better have a damn good reason for it. That reason had better be something along the lines of killing the person who raped and killed your wife or child or something like that. Murder is always going to be a crime, but at least if you do it under those circumstances you can defend your actions and say it was worth it to do what you did, even if you surrender your freedom because of it. Killing a dude because of a dispute over a Sony PlayStation would not qualify as such an instance, suffice it to say. Jonquel Brooks of Fresno, California should have known this valuable lesson before he opened fire on four guys who accused him of stealing the video game system, but clearly he did not. He opened fire on four men, killing one man, Brant Daniels, near the Fresno State University campus two years ago after he was accused of stealing the PlayStation from the men. Brooks claims that the shooting was self-defense, but the jury in his case didn’t buy the explanation and in April, he was found guilty on one count of first degree murder and three counts of attempted murder On Friday, Brooks was sentenced to 100 years to life in prison, meaning it’s unlikely he will ever see the light of freedom again in his life. I know that prisoners tend to be hardest on fellow inmates who harm women and children, but I’d like to think that although they may not target Brooks for such harsh treatment because he didn’t do anything to a woman or child, they will at least relentlessly mock him for his stupidity. Let’s just establish a general rule right now that any crime that stems from a video game system officially qualifies the criminal in question as a moron, okay? It doesn’t matter if the dispute is over the ownership of the video game, something that happened while playing it or any related issue. A video game system should not incite a person to crime, period. Thank you to my man Jonquel Brooks for helping me make that point, although I have a feeling that will be of little solace to him in the days, weeks, months and years ahead……..
- It’s refreshing to see people who aren’t so wrapped up in their dog and making it look as cute and stylish as possible. Slamming a sweater or jewelry on a dog is, was and always will be completely absurd and indefensible, so big ups to everyone who took part in Friday’s World’s Ugliest Dog Contest at the Marin-Sonoma Fair in Petaluma, California. The winner was Pabst, the toothy Boxer mixed-breed and a former shelter dog that garnered $1,600 in prize money, a modeling contract, and a table-full of collars, leashes and toys just for being ugly. Since I’m not an expert in the area of ugly dogs (or non-ugly dogs, for that matter), I don’t know who the favorites were heading into this competition, but apparently a former world champion Chinese Crested named Rascal was in the field and expected to be a serious contender. From what I’m told, the butt-ugly Chinese Crested breed has dominated the contest for over seven years. More than half of this year’s entries were Chinese Crested dogs, but owner Miles Egstad and Pabst took the crown anyhow. Egstand explained that he named his dog after the pooch’s “bitter beer face.” The World’s Ugliest Dog Contest dates back to 1976, so this is actually an event with some history. Judges for this year’s contest included Jon Provost, who played Timmy on the television show “Lassie”; Karen "Doc" Halligan from “Groomer Has It,”; and Sonoma-Marin Fair board member Brian Sobel. In my book, these owners are all winners for the simple fact that they don’t view their dogs as some beautiful, pampered quasi-child to be revered and catered to……..
- Uh oh, the big, bad National Security Council in Iran is demanding that opposition leader Mir Hossein Moussavi stop what he’s doing and stop it now. The council informed Moussavi that his repeated demands for the annulment of the June 12 election results are "illogical and unethical.” Unethical? How is demanding that a vote conducted under extremely shady circumstances be reviewed unethical? Sure, the National Security Council is a powerful group which includes dozens of political leaders, and has the power to appoint the country’s supreme leader, but that doesn’t mean the council is always right. Oh, and how many freaking councils and rulers does Iran have, anyhow? There’s dictator Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the subject of the bogus election, the supreme leader, the Guardian Council, the National Security Council…..it’s like freaking bureaucracy run amok. For a country that seems to hate the United States with a passion, Iran sure does emulate the U.S. in certain respects. But I digress…..both the Guardian Council and NSC have adamantly maintained that the election was legit and that there will be no re-do or re-count. They insist that Moussavi's demands are based on "erroneous" information. There is also speculation that Moussavi might be under house arrest, which in my opinion would only add fuel to the fire of resentment among his followers. The NSC is also said to be weighing Moussavi’s request to speak directly to the people, a requst that the council appears in no hurry to act on. Maybe they are hesitant to grant a public audience to a man who has openly incited his supporters to take it to the streets in the past couple of weeks, but I have no idea why. Any leader willing to incite a riot is a great leader in my book. Let the guy meet with his supporters in a public place such as the Azadi (Freedom) Stadium to discuss election issues, as Moussavi has sought. The stadium has a capacity of 100,000 and it would be a great place for an “Airing of Grievances,” to borrow a Seinfeld term. The powers that be in Iran need to realize that they can only plug up the dam of discontentment for so long before it explodes and drowns their country in the floodwaters of revolution. Let the people have their voice and quit killing or violently beating them for trying to speak out……
- Jim James, the musical mastermind behind My Morning Jacket, is a busy man these days. He’s temporarily striking out on his own and on August 4, he will release his first solo album under the name Yim Yames. The album will be a tribute to a deceased musical legend who actually merits such a tribute, the late Beatle George Harrison. This isn’t a full-length project, but fans can check out the entire EP starting on July 7 when the set becomes available via Yimyames.com for purchase. Right now you can download one of the album’s tracks, "Behind That Locked Door," for free on the website. Should you be one of those freaks who pre-orders albums (never understood the concept, it will still be available on the day of release and I can order and pay for it then), pre-orders for CD and vinyl versions will start on July 7. A cool side benefit is that a portion of the proceeds will be donated to the Woodstock Farm Animal Sanctuary. “I felt like I was in the weirdest head space when I did that EP,” James said of the 2001 recording session that took place just days after Harrison's death. "I felt really confused a lot of the time. I wanted to just do it and let it come out even if I messed stuff up. It's definitely not the tightest or most professional recording you're ever going to hear in your life but I like that. I think it lends it a more childish atmosphere.” He went on to say that the recordings paint a picture of who he was in 2001 and shows his love for Harrison’s music. While parts of the album will be heavy on acoustic guitars and vocals, some songs will have a different vibe. “Love You To" has banjo accompaniment and "Ballad of Sir Frankie Crisp (Let It Roll)" has James on piano. There won't be any drums and the pace will be fairly deliberate, James explains, but I have a feeling this is going to be a really cool project. Ever the creative enigma, James has been sitting on these recordings for quite awhile. He simply says the time "never felt right until now" to release them. The inspiration for doing so now came partially from James’ participation in David Lynch's "Change Begins Within" concert, where he says Harrison’s name came up a lot. As for a full-length solo album, he admits that he’s just starting to work on the concept but has nothing definite at this point. James will work out of his home studio, tinker around and at some point, come up with the album. I know I’ll be looking forward to it and I have a feeling that a lot of fans of truly great music will be as well……
- If you’re going to spend the rest of your life in prison, you’d better have a damn good reason for it. That reason had better be something along the lines of killing the person who raped and killed your wife or child or something like that. Murder is always going to be a crime, but at least if you do it under those circumstances you can defend your actions and say it was worth it to do what you did, even if you surrender your freedom because of it. Killing a dude because of a dispute over a Sony PlayStation would not qualify as such an instance, suffice it to say. Jonquel Brooks of Fresno, California should have known this valuable lesson before he opened fire on four guys who accused him of stealing the video game system, but clearly he did not. He opened fire on four men, killing one man, Brant Daniels, near the Fresno State University campus two years ago after he was accused of stealing the PlayStation from the men. Brooks claims that the shooting was self-defense, but the jury in his case didn’t buy the explanation and in April, he was found guilty on one count of first degree murder and three counts of attempted murder On Friday, Brooks was sentenced to 100 years to life in prison, meaning it’s unlikely he will ever see the light of freedom again in his life. I know that prisoners tend to be hardest on fellow inmates who harm women and children, but I’d like to think that although they may not target Brooks for such harsh treatment because he didn’t do anything to a woman or child, they will at least relentlessly mock him for his stupidity. Let’s just establish a general rule right now that any crime that stems from a video game system officially qualifies the criminal in question as a moron, okay? It doesn’t matter if the dispute is over the ownership of the video game, something that happened while playing it or any related issue. A video game system should not incite a person to crime, period. Thank you to my man Jonquel Brooks for helping me make that point, although I have a feeling that will be of little solace to him in the days, weeks, months and years ahead……..
- It’s refreshing to see people who aren’t so wrapped up in their dog and making it look as cute and stylish as possible. Slamming a sweater or jewelry on a dog is, was and always will be completely absurd and indefensible, so big ups to everyone who took part in Friday’s World’s Ugliest Dog Contest at the Marin-Sonoma Fair in Petaluma, California. The winner was Pabst, the toothy Boxer mixed-breed and a former shelter dog that garnered $1,600 in prize money, a modeling contract, and a table-full of collars, leashes and toys just for being ugly. Since I’m not an expert in the area of ugly dogs (or non-ugly dogs, for that matter), I don’t know who the favorites were heading into this competition, but apparently a former world champion Chinese Crested named Rascal was in the field and expected to be a serious contender. From what I’m told, the butt-ugly Chinese Crested breed has dominated the contest for over seven years. More than half of this year’s entries were Chinese Crested dogs, but owner Miles Egstad and Pabst took the crown anyhow. Egstand explained that he named his dog after the pooch’s “bitter beer face.” The World’s Ugliest Dog Contest dates back to 1976, so this is actually an event with some history. Judges for this year’s contest included Jon Provost, who played Timmy on the television show “Lassie”; Karen "Doc" Halligan from “Groomer Has It,”; and Sonoma-Marin Fair board member Brian Sobel. In my book, these owners are all winners for the simple fact that they don’t view their dogs as some beautiful, pampered quasi-child to be revered and catered to……..
Saturday, June 27, 2009
How bad "Transformers" is, one area where the Browns are dominating the NFL and the showdown over a climate-change bill
- I could sit here and tell you how great "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" is……but I would be lying. Fact is, as bloated and overrated as the first “Transformers” movie was, this one is even more so. Back in 2007, everyone was pumped about the idea of director Michael Bay bringing one of the most legendary cartoons and toy lines to life on the big screen - right up to the point that the movie hit screens around the country. Once everyone saw the reality of the project and what it turned out to be, the excitement gave way to horror and disappointment. In spite of that, its initial blockbuster status earned enough that the suits at the studio felt like giving Bay the green light for a sequel was a good idea. Big ups to Mike Bay for proving those suits wrong with one of the worst sequels in recent memory, possibly worse than “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End” and “Spiderman 3” combined. This monstrosity lumbers on for freaking 149 minutes, meaning anyone unfortunate enough to see it will suffer for more than two hours. The plot isn’t complicated or sophisticated: the Decepticons are back to destroy Sam (Shia LaBeouf), Optimus Prime and the Earth. It’s filled with explosions galore and is basically one non-stop kaboom, to be honest. There’s no flow or rhythm to the movie at any point and often things are so chaotic that figuring out who the good Transformers (Autobots) are and who the bad ones (Decepticons) are is often tough. Bay also seems to be overly reliant on slow-motion shots of the ubar-hot Megan Fox running to or from danger, which isn’t a bad thing but shouldn’t be the chief draw of a movie. Aside from having Fox as eye candy, the special effects are the best part of the movie. They’re great throughout, which definitely can't be said of the script or the acting.
Even in the action movie genre, where the focus is less on quality acting and well-scripted exchanges, this movie falls incredibly short of the mark. It’s as bad a “blockbuster” as you’ll ever see and hopefully for your sake, you never have the misfortune of seeing it at all……..
- The Cleveland Browns haven’t dominated much of anything in the National Football League since they returned to the league in 1999 - unless you count occupying last place more than anyone else as dominance. However, there has been one area where the Browns have consistently gone above and beyond what any other team has been able to do: staph infections. An NFL physicians survey of the 32 teams determined there were 33 MRSA staph infections leaguewide from 2006-08. Of those 32, the Browns had six. For the math-challenged among you, that’s just a shade under 19 percent of the league’s staph infections for one team. With that many staph infections hitting key players, the jokes about the cleanliness and sterility of the team’s training facilities came fast and frequently. But jokes are one thing; lawsuits are another. The rash of staph infections for the Browns has finally led to its first lawsuit, filed by former receiver Joe Jurevicius. Jurevicius sued the team and the Cleveland Clinic on Friday, saying the team misrepresented the cleanliness of its training facility and blaming doctors with negligence over a staph infection in his right knee that kept him from playing last year. In the suit, Jurevicius alleges that physicians Anthony Miniaci and Richard Figler failed to warn Jurevicius that therapy equipment was not always sanitized at the team's training facility in Berea, located just outside of Cleveland. Jurevicius contracted his staph infection following arthroscopic surgery at the Cleveland Clinic in January 2008. His case includes an affidavit by Dr. Bonnie Bock, an infectious diseases specialist from Newport Beach, Calif., who said her examination of the case showed that the player's staph infection was due to circumstances outlined in the suit. "Sterile techniques were not at all times used at the Browns training facility," she said. Surprisingly, Jurevicius is only asking for damages in the range of $25,000, plus unspecified punitive damages, attorney and expert fees and related costs. I’d think he would sue for a lot more, but then again, this is a guy who grew up in the Northeast Ohio area as a Browns fan and attended plenty of games at the old Cleveland Stadium. Now, his NFL career could be over and Jurevicius seems to believe that his favorite team is responsible. For their part, the Browns deny the claims in the suit and maintain that their facilities are compliant with all NFL requirements. Jurevicius is no longer with the team and the career totals - 323 receptions for 4,119 yards and 29 TDs - that he has posted in 11 seasons with the New York Giants, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Seattle Seahawks and Browns could be his final tallies unless something changes drastically in terms of his health. But who knows, maybe his legacy will grow to include inspiring the other five Browns who suffered staph infections to file suits of their own or perhaps band together for a class-action suit…….
- In the race to see who is the most reprehensible human being alive in 2009, a new leader has emerged. His name is Frank Lombard and this certified piece of crap has been charged in federal court with offering his 5-year-old adopted son up for sex. Lombard, associate director at Duke University's Global Health Institute, was arrested Wednesday in Raleigh. He was ratted out by an unidentified informant who faces child porn charges in a different child sex case. The informant pointed investigators to Lombard, whom he met on the Internet four years ago. That Lombard was looking to pimp out his own adopted son becomes less surprising when you hear what sort of freakery he was allegedly involved in leading up to it. According to this informant, he observed Lombard molesting an African-American child on four occasions over an Internet video chat service called ICUii. In court documents, Lombard is alleged to have told the informant that the African-American child was one of two adopted kids in his custody. Lombard, who is white, later made the offer for sex with the child he was shown abusing in the video. He has been charged with attempting to induce someone to cross state lines to engage in sex with a child, punishable by a maximum sentence of 20 years in prison. Personally, I’d give him 20 years behind bars just based on the fact that on his profile posted on the Internet service used to conduct his video chats, he "stated he was interested in "perv fam fun," and referred to "incestuous child molestation." When a customer service complaint tipped the video chat site off to his perversion, a police detective investigating the initial case decided to set up chats with the user who turned out to be Lombard. Posing as another video chat user looking to score sex with a child, the detective says he was invited to fly to Raleigh to have sex with the person's 5- year-old adopted child. Det. Timothy Palchak wrote in his affidavit that he chatted with someone using the screen name "FL" who provided nude pictures of himself. The person with the unenviable task of examining the photos found that they were a match to Lombard's North Carolina driver's license photo. While talking to the undercover detective, the freak known as "FL" stated that he had himself molested his child, whom he adopted as an infant, and that he had allowed others to molest his child. This piece of crap went on to hang himself by declaring that “the abuse of the child was easier when the child was too young to talk or know what was happening, but that he had drugged the child with Benadryl during the molestation.” And yes, I’m throwing up in my mouth right now, just as you are. That is some of the most vile, revolting stuff I have ever heard. If Lombard is convicted, he should feel fortunate that he’s not shot on the spot. I’m sure that the Duke University Global Health Institute will reeeeeally miss this guy, being the quality human being that he is……..
- Wow, this is quite a change. From an administration that couldn’t care less about the environment and seemed as devoted as anyone in world history to denying the existence of global warming, we’ve moved into an administration that is looking to take real, tangible steps toward combating global warming and changing U.S. energy policy. The process is currently underway in Congress, where the House of Representatives has passed a major climate change bill. "Today the House of Representatives took historic action with the passage of the American Clean Energy and Security Act," President Obama said of the bill's passage. "It's a bold and necessary step that holds the promise of creating new industries and millions of new jobs, decreasing our dangerous dependence on foreign oil.” The bill now moves on to the Senate, where it could be tweaked a bit but will no doubt be subjected to intense scrutiny. The Obama administration claims that the bill would combat global warming and give a much needed overhaul to U.S. energy policy, but critics are claiming everything from bad timing to the fact that the bill could cause job losses in the U.S. It’s a hotly contested issue, having passed the House by a very close 219 to 212 vote. The vote was so close that Democrats called Rep. Patrick Kennedy, D-Mass., out of rehab so that he could vote. I don’t know if there are any senators currently in rehab, but Democrats will need to pull out all of the stops to push the bill through over objections that it will drastically raise the nation’s energy costs. President Obama has been burning up the phone lines trying to rally support for the bill in the Senate. The so-called “cap-and-trade" bill would mandate a nationwide system to curb greenhouse gas emissions, which is in and of itself a great goal. “I'm the first one to acknowledge that the United States over the last several years has not been where we need to be," Obama admitted. "We're not going to get there all in one fell swoop. But I'm very proud of the progress that's being made.” Under the law that this bill would create, companies like power plants would be permitted to emit only a certain amount of the gases. A company’s allotted emissions amount could be traded, bought and sold with other companies like any other commodity, just as long as the nation’s greenhouse gas emissions go down. The ultimate goal would be to reduce greenhouse gas emissions by 17 percent below 2005 levels by 2020. Something to appreciate about the bill, whether it passes or not, is that it inspired the always-fun filibuster attempt by House Republican Leader John Boehner. He called the bill "a bureaucratic nightmare" and tried the House-version of a filibuster. In a “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington” moment, he attempted to slow down the process by reading the entire bill - all 1,400 pages of it. That’s technically his right and it’s actually pretty funny, but it’s also total bullsh*t. Vote for the bill or against it, but allow it to make its way through the system and either pass or fail on its merit. Don’t try to hijack the process, dude. No matter how this bill ends, it is nice to see a shift from the W. administration’s “f**k the environment” policy………
- I get that Bernard Madoff ripped off a lot of people for a lot of money and he needs to be severely punished for his crimes, but I have a question for acting U.S. Attorney Lev Dassin, the lead prosecutor in the case. What exactly is the point of attempting to have a 71-year-old man sentenced to 150 years in prison? That’s what Dassin is looking for, along with having Madoff’s wife Ruth forfeit more than $170 billion in assets. You’ve got a 71-year-old guy who, at best, might live another 30 years, although I dobut he’d last that long behind bars. But under the sentence Dassin is asking for, Madoff would be in prison until he is 221 years old. Now I wonder wheter that means that he has to remain in prison for the next 150 years, even if he’s dead. That’s the only way this sentence makes any sense at all. As for the financial side of the deal, a U.S. District Court judge Friday did enter a preliminary order calling on Ruth Madoff to forfeit $170 billion in assets. She will be allowed to keep $2.5 million in funds "in settlement of the claims she would have otherwise brought against the property," according to Dassin. To refresh your memory, Madoff, who pleaded guilty to 11 counts, including fraud, money laundering and perjury, is to be sentenced Monday. He will be forfeiting all of his remaining assets, which include millions of dollars in loans made to family members, employees and friends, all personal property, including paintings, jewelry and furniture, millions of dollars in investment and banking accounts and several pieces of property. Under the direction of the humorously named U.S. District Judge Denny Chin, the U.S. Marshals Service will be selling off a $7.5 million co-op apartment in New York, a $7 million property in Montauk, New York, and a $7.45 million property in Palm Beach, Florida, along with several cars and boats. Dassin argued before Judge Chin that hitting Madoff with a 150-year sentence would help "promote general deterrence." What, for all of the other billionaire investors out there looking to run a ginormous Ponzi scheme and defraud investors of hundreds of billions of dollars? Madoff’s attorney is taking the opposite extreme, arguing that his client should serve only 12 years in prison. I’ll land somewhere in the middle, say 50 years. A safe compromise, plus I’m factoring in the fact that any idiot dumb enough to believe the promises of a person who says they can deliver incredibly high returns with very low risk almost deserves to be ripped off. If you are the victim of a Ponzi scheme, you too deserve a little punishment. Perhaps that punishment is best delivered in the loss of whatever money you invest, which is fitting. Now it’s up to Judge Chin to find a punishment that fits Bernie Madoff……..
Even in the action movie genre, where the focus is less on quality acting and well-scripted exchanges, this movie falls incredibly short of the mark. It’s as bad a “blockbuster” as you’ll ever see and hopefully for your sake, you never have the misfortune of seeing it at all……..
- The Cleveland Browns haven’t dominated much of anything in the National Football League since they returned to the league in 1999 - unless you count occupying last place more than anyone else as dominance. However, there has been one area where the Browns have consistently gone above and beyond what any other team has been able to do: staph infections. An NFL physicians survey of the 32 teams determined there were 33 MRSA staph infections leaguewide from 2006-08. Of those 32, the Browns had six. For the math-challenged among you, that’s just a shade under 19 percent of the league’s staph infections for one team. With that many staph infections hitting key players, the jokes about the cleanliness and sterility of the team’s training facilities came fast and frequently. But jokes are one thing; lawsuits are another. The rash of staph infections for the Browns has finally led to its first lawsuit, filed by former receiver Joe Jurevicius. Jurevicius sued the team and the Cleveland Clinic on Friday, saying the team misrepresented the cleanliness of its training facility and blaming doctors with negligence over a staph infection in his right knee that kept him from playing last year. In the suit, Jurevicius alleges that physicians Anthony Miniaci and Richard Figler failed to warn Jurevicius that therapy equipment was not always sanitized at the team's training facility in Berea, located just outside of Cleveland. Jurevicius contracted his staph infection following arthroscopic surgery at the Cleveland Clinic in January 2008. His case includes an affidavit by Dr. Bonnie Bock, an infectious diseases specialist from Newport Beach, Calif., who said her examination of the case showed that the player's staph infection was due to circumstances outlined in the suit. "Sterile techniques were not at all times used at the Browns training facility," she said. Surprisingly, Jurevicius is only asking for damages in the range of $25,000, plus unspecified punitive damages, attorney and expert fees and related costs. I’d think he would sue for a lot more, but then again, this is a guy who grew up in the Northeast Ohio area as a Browns fan and attended plenty of games at the old Cleveland Stadium. Now, his NFL career could be over and Jurevicius seems to believe that his favorite team is responsible. For their part, the Browns deny the claims in the suit and maintain that their facilities are compliant with all NFL requirements. Jurevicius is no longer with the team and the career totals - 323 receptions for 4,119 yards and 29 TDs - that he has posted in 11 seasons with the New York Giants, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Seattle Seahawks and Browns could be his final tallies unless something changes drastically in terms of his health. But who knows, maybe his legacy will grow to include inspiring the other five Browns who suffered staph infections to file suits of their own or perhaps band together for a class-action suit…….
- In the race to see who is the most reprehensible human being alive in 2009, a new leader has emerged. His name is Frank Lombard and this certified piece of crap has been charged in federal court with offering his 5-year-old adopted son up for sex. Lombard, associate director at Duke University's Global Health Institute, was arrested Wednesday in Raleigh. He was ratted out by an unidentified informant who faces child porn charges in a different child sex case. The informant pointed investigators to Lombard, whom he met on the Internet four years ago. That Lombard was looking to pimp out his own adopted son becomes less surprising when you hear what sort of freakery he was allegedly involved in leading up to it. According to this informant, he observed Lombard molesting an African-American child on four occasions over an Internet video chat service called ICUii. In court documents, Lombard is alleged to have told the informant that the African-American child was one of two adopted kids in his custody. Lombard, who is white, later made the offer for sex with the child he was shown abusing in the video. He has been charged with attempting to induce someone to cross state lines to engage in sex with a child, punishable by a maximum sentence of 20 years in prison. Personally, I’d give him 20 years behind bars just based on the fact that on his profile posted on the Internet service used to conduct his video chats, he "stated he was interested in "perv fam fun," and referred to "incestuous child molestation." When a customer service complaint tipped the video chat site off to his perversion, a police detective investigating the initial case decided to set up chats with the user who turned out to be Lombard. Posing as another video chat user looking to score sex with a child, the detective says he was invited to fly to Raleigh to have sex with the person's 5- year-old adopted child. Det. Timothy Palchak wrote in his affidavit that he chatted with someone using the screen name "FL" who provided nude pictures of himself. The person with the unenviable task of examining the photos found that they were a match to Lombard's North Carolina driver's license photo. While talking to the undercover detective, the freak known as "FL" stated that he had himself molested his child, whom he adopted as an infant, and that he had allowed others to molest his child. This piece of crap went on to hang himself by declaring that “the abuse of the child was easier when the child was too young to talk or know what was happening, but that he had drugged the child with Benadryl during the molestation.” And yes, I’m throwing up in my mouth right now, just as you are. That is some of the most vile, revolting stuff I have ever heard. If Lombard is convicted, he should feel fortunate that he’s not shot on the spot. I’m sure that the Duke University Global Health Institute will reeeeeally miss this guy, being the quality human being that he is……..
- Wow, this is quite a change. From an administration that couldn’t care less about the environment and seemed as devoted as anyone in world history to denying the existence of global warming, we’ve moved into an administration that is looking to take real, tangible steps toward combating global warming and changing U.S. energy policy. The process is currently underway in Congress, where the House of Representatives has passed a major climate change bill. "Today the House of Representatives took historic action with the passage of the American Clean Energy and Security Act," President Obama said of the bill's passage. "It's a bold and necessary step that holds the promise of creating new industries and millions of new jobs, decreasing our dangerous dependence on foreign oil.” The bill now moves on to the Senate, where it could be tweaked a bit but will no doubt be subjected to intense scrutiny. The Obama administration claims that the bill would combat global warming and give a much needed overhaul to U.S. energy policy, but critics are claiming everything from bad timing to the fact that the bill could cause job losses in the U.S. It’s a hotly contested issue, having passed the House by a very close 219 to 212 vote. The vote was so close that Democrats called Rep. Patrick Kennedy, D-Mass., out of rehab so that he could vote. I don’t know if there are any senators currently in rehab, but Democrats will need to pull out all of the stops to push the bill through over objections that it will drastically raise the nation’s energy costs. President Obama has been burning up the phone lines trying to rally support for the bill in the Senate. The so-called “cap-and-trade" bill would mandate a nationwide system to curb greenhouse gas emissions, which is in and of itself a great goal. “I'm the first one to acknowledge that the United States over the last several years has not been where we need to be," Obama admitted. "We're not going to get there all in one fell swoop. But I'm very proud of the progress that's being made.” Under the law that this bill would create, companies like power plants would be permitted to emit only a certain amount of the gases. A company’s allotted emissions amount could be traded, bought and sold with other companies like any other commodity, just as long as the nation’s greenhouse gas emissions go down. The ultimate goal would be to reduce greenhouse gas emissions by 17 percent below 2005 levels by 2020. Something to appreciate about the bill, whether it passes or not, is that it inspired the always-fun filibuster attempt by House Republican Leader John Boehner. He called the bill "a bureaucratic nightmare" and tried the House-version of a filibuster. In a “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington” moment, he attempted to slow down the process by reading the entire bill - all 1,400 pages of it. That’s technically his right and it’s actually pretty funny, but it’s also total bullsh*t. Vote for the bill or against it, but allow it to make its way through the system and either pass or fail on its merit. Don’t try to hijack the process, dude. No matter how this bill ends, it is nice to see a shift from the W. administration’s “f**k the environment” policy………
- I get that Bernard Madoff ripped off a lot of people for a lot of money and he needs to be severely punished for his crimes, but I have a question for acting U.S. Attorney Lev Dassin, the lead prosecutor in the case. What exactly is the point of attempting to have a 71-year-old man sentenced to 150 years in prison? That’s what Dassin is looking for, along with having Madoff’s wife Ruth forfeit more than $170 billion in assets. You’ve got a 71-year-old guy who, at best, might live another 30 years, although I dobut he’d last that long behind bars. But under the sentence Dassin is asking for, Madoff would be in prison until he is 221 years old. Now I wonder wheter that means that he has to remain in prison for the next 150 years, even if he’s dead. That’s the only way this sentence makes any sense at all. As for the financial side of the deal, a U.S. District Court judge Friday did enter a preliminary order calling on Ruth Madoff to forfeit $170 billion in assets. She will be allowed to keep $2.5 million in funds "in settlement of the claims she would have otherwise brought against the property," according to Dassin. To refresh your memory, Madoff, who pleaded guilty to 11 counts, including fraud, money laundering and perjury, is to be sentenced Monday. He will be forfeiting all of his remaining assets, which include millions of dollars in loans made to family members, employees and friends, all personal property, including paintings, jewelry and furniture, millions of dollars in investment and banking accounts and several pieces of property. Under the direction of the humorously named U.S. District Judge Denny Chin, the U.S. Marshals Service will be selling off a $7.5 million co-op apartment in New York, a $7 million property in Montauk, New York, and a $7.45 million property in Palm Beach, Florida, along with several cars and boats. Dassin argued before Judge Chin that hitting Madoff with a 150-year sentence would help "promote general deterrence." What, for all of the other billionaire investors out there looking to run a ginormous Ponzi scheme and defraud investors of hundreds of billions of dollars? Madoff’s attorney is taking the opposite extreme, arguing that his client should serve only 12 years in prison. I’ll land somewhere in the middle, say 50 years. A safe compromise, plus I’m factoring in the fact that any idiot dumb enough to believe the promises of a person who says they can deliver incredibly high returns with very low risk almost deserves to be ripped off. If you are the victim of a Ponzi scheme, you too deserve a little punishment. Perhaps that punishment is best delivered in the loss of whatever money you invest, which is fitting. Now it’s up to Judge Chin to find a punishment that fits Bernie Madoff……..
Friday, June 26, 2009
Bears on trampolines, Riot Watch! goes to prison and Milton Bradley goes Milton Bradley
- In the best of times, Milton Bradley is a tolerable headache for your baseball team, a guy who has immense talents on the field and equally powerful abilities to wreck a clubhouse off of it. He’s a head case who has slammed plastic bottles down at the feet of fans during games, sought to storm the press box during a game to confront an announcer who was being critical of him, interjected himself into the middle of someone else’s traffic stop on an Ohio highway and attacked multiple umpires on the field to dispute calls. He’s been with a multitude of different teams because his act wears thin so quickly and no one wants to put up with his volatility for long even if he’s producing on the field. The Chicago Cubs are his latest victim/franchise, bringing Bradley in this season to provide some left-handed power in their lineup as they look to contend for another NL Central crown. To say that Bradley has been a disappointment would be putting it lightly; he’s batting a hearty .237 with 5 HR and 16 RBI. Those aren’t good numbers for anyone, but they become even worse when you consider the other crap Bradley has been pulling. Two weeks ago, he mistakenly thought a ball he caught in right field was the third out of an inning and threw the ball into the stands. His mental error allowed a crucial run to score in a game the Cubs lost and afterward, Bradley didn’t seem all that heartbroken by his actions. That was followed up by an incident in today’s game between the Cubs and Chicago White Sox in which Milton Bradley went full-on Milton Bradley. After flying out in the top of the sixth, an unhappy Bradley return to the dugout and proceeded to attack the water cooler in the dugout. That’s become a trend for the Cubs of late, with pitchers Carlos Zambrano and Ryan Dempster also attacking the cooler in recent weeks. However, manager Lou Piniella took exception to Bradley’s tirade and order the temperamental outfielder to head to the clubhouse, change out of his uniform and go home. Piniella then followed Bradley up the tunnel and the two exchanged words. “This has been a common occurrence and I've looked the other way a lot and I'm tired," said Piniella after the game. "I'm not into discipline, I'm really not. I'm going to put his name in the lineup tomorrow and that's it.” In other words, Piniella is going to overlook this meltdown and pretend that all is well. Bad move, Lou. Another Milton meltdown is coming soon and another one after that, so it’s time that you accept that reality and ask your general manager to find a way to move this hothead out of town before he ruins whatever slim playoff chances your mediocre team still has……
- If I had to put a percentage on the number of Mexican police officers who are corrupt and accepting bribes from the various drug cartels running amok south of the border, I’d go with a solid 45-47 percent. That may even be low, because every time I look it seems that there is another story of federal agents in the country conducting a sting to take down corrupt cops. The latest came Wednesday in the city of Hidalgo in central Mexico, where federal agents arrested 92 municipal police officers accused of providing information and security to one of Mexico's most ruthless drug cartels. The arrests stemmed from an investigation that started in October and has led to the arrests of 124 suspects and the discovery of 12 safe houses in which 14 secret graves were found. The feds are placing blame for most of the operation on the Zeta drug cartel, so if you have any Zeta members in your drug cartel fantasy league, you may want to consider putting them on the bench for now. Having the feds run a major sting operation on your cartel just isn’t going to allow Zeta members to put up the sort of production that has made them one of the strongest sources for fantasy drug cartel league production in the past. They won't be able to do nearly as much kidnapping, extortion and drug trafficking in Hidalgo now that the feds are on their case. Authorities also allege that Zetas were paying the Hidalgo police officers 3,000 to 5,000 pesos ($228 to $380) every two weeks, which doesn’t seem like a lot until you consider the fact that this is Mexico, where many people make significantly less than that on a biweekly basis. Since the announcement of these arrests came on Wednesday, I’d be looking for the next mass arrest of Mexican police on corruption charges to come late next week or early in the following week. That would keep up the pace we’ve been on recently, although it would be less than stunning to see that pace quicken even further……..
- Ripping a kid is never something I want to do, so I’ll handle this next story a bit differently. Instead of mocking 13-year-old Whitney Lapic of Shillington, N.J., I’m going to focus more on her mother, Debra Stanley-Lapic. Whitney Lapic is the National Marbles Tournament champion after beating out a competitor from Allegheny County in Wildwood, New Jersey. Yes, I said the national marbles championship. Nothing says winner quite like being a standout marbles player. But as I said, I’m going to go easy on this kid and so her mother is the logical target. Debra Stanley-Lapic was herself the national marbles champion 36 years ago, yet she allows her kid to embrace full-on dork-dom and become a competitive marbles player too? If you’ve gone through the experience of playing marbles and being rightfully ridiculed by your peers for it, why would you allow your child to follow in your footsteps? It’s hard enough being a kid and growing up with having the added burden and stigma of playing marbles. If it’s possible, marbles might be an even dorkier competition than those kids who are slammed into the spelling bee and look really awkward and nervous trying to spell difficult words on national television. Who still plays marbles anyhow? What is this, 1959 or 2009? It doesn’t matter that Debra Stanley-Lapic and Whitney Lapic are the first mother and daughter to win a national championship, because that’s not a distinction anyone should be proud of. The blame here doesn’t go on the kid, because she’s just too young to know better. The mother takes the brunt of the responsibility for this one and unless she wants her daughter to spend the next 4-5 years of school being shoved inside lockers, given swirlies and having her book knocked out of her hands, she should find a new hobby for the girl……….
- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Prison riots are always fun to see, mostly because as long as prison officials stay out of harm’s way, there are no losers. You have a bunch of convicted criminals rioting and getting out of control, so even if some of them are injured in the process, it’s no big loss. Plus, these are usually some of society’s most violent individuals and as such, you know they’re putting on a good riot. This edition of Riot Watch! takes us to Pelican Bay State Prison in Northern California. An uprising at the maximum-security prison resulted in a seriously injured inmate being taken to an outside hospital for treatment and six other inmates suffering minor stab wounds and other injuries. To quell the unrest, which took place in the prison's main exercise yard and involved about 17 inmates, officers used pepper spray and rubber bullets. Oh, and you’ll be absolutely stunned to learn that authorities believe that this mini-riot was gang-related. A gang-related riot in a maximum-security prison? No way! I do want to give credit to the inmates who manufactured the seven weapons found at the scene of the riot by prison officials. I love hearing about inmates scrapping together whatever materials they can find, having people smuggle things into the prison for them and finding a way to carve out a shiv. It’s a bit like MacGuyver fashioning a bomb out of a toothpick, a watch and a piece of gum, only MacGuyver wasn’t looking to cut someone with his creation, he was looking to escape or take down the bad guys. So all in all, not a large-scale riot and nothing was burned or destroyed as far as I can tell, but still a solid 5.5 on the Riot-O-Meter, so I’ll take it…….
- One of the best YouTube moments of all time is the bear that was caught in a residential area, hit with a tranquilizer dart and subsequently fell from a tree and bounced up and down on a trampoline before falling to the ground. I can never get enough of that clip, but I’m guessing it wasn’t quite as funny for the residents of a Highlands Ranch, Colorado neighborhood who spotted a large black bear wander from the woods and into their lives. A resident on Ramshead Court in Highlands Ranch heard several dogs barking about 9 a.m. Friday and looked out the window to see what was going on. "Then I started focusing and saw a big bear claw. And then I called neighbors and told them to get their dogs in and their kids because we have a lot of kids in the cul-de-sac," Rod Michotte said. Michotte clearly isn’t the best thinker in tiems of crisis, because after calling the neighbors, he eschewed the idea of calling 911 and instead dialed his wife at work to let her know what was happening. “I said, 'Get off the phone and call 911!" Cindy Michotte said. Well said, Cindy. Following his wife’s sage advice, Rod Michotte called 911 and Douglas County deputies notified the Division of Wildlife. Police kept an eye on the bear until wildlife officers arrived, with the animal mostly sitting in a tree and not looking to do much damage. Also, the bear weighed in at only 150 pounds, so this wasn’t a huge, hulking animal. DOW officers hit the bear with two tranquilizer darts and the black bear fell onto the family's trampoline, severely bending it. Too bad no one videotaped it, because this could have been another classic YouTube clip. Bears bouncing on trampolines are always good for a laugh or 50. Oh, and the Michotte children are apparently angry because the falling bear messed up their trampoline, so a word of advice for them: get over it. Sometimes in life, a tranquilized bear falls onto your trampoline and screws it up. Laugh about it, get a new trampoline and move on. As for the bear, wildlife officials placed the 2-year-old animal in a bear container and took it back to the foothills, where it was set free. Officials say that roaming bears are common in Douglas County and that there are typically several sightings every year. Bears receive one free pass when they wander into a residential area, but if they do so a second time they are put down. Here’s hoping that this bear stays in the woods and off of trampolines from here on out so that it can live a long and happy bear life……
- If I had to put a percentage on the number of Mexican police officers who are corrupt and accepting bribes from the various drug cartels running amok south of the border, I’d go with a solid 45-47 percent. That may even be low, because every time I look it seems that there is another story of federal agents in the country conducting a sting to take down corrupt cops. The latest came Wednesday in the city of Hidalgo in central Mexico, where federal agents arrested 92 municipal police officers accused of providing information and security to one of Mexico's most ruthless drug cartels. The arrests stemmed from an investigation that started in October and has led to the arrests of 124 suspects and the discovery of 12 safe houses in which 14 secret graves were found. The feds are placing blame for most of the operation on the Zeta drug cartel, so if you have any Zeta members in your drug cartel fantasy league, you may want to consider putting them on the bench for now. Having the feds run a major sting operation on your cartel just isn’t going to allow Zeta members to put up the sort of production that has made them one of the strongest sources for fantasy drug cartel league production in the past. They won't be able to do nearly as much kidnapping, extortion and drug trafficking in Hidalgo now that the feds are on their case. Authorities also allege that Zetas were paying the Hidalgo police officers 3,000 to 5,000 pesos ($228 to $380) every two weeks, which doesn’t seem like a lot until you consider the fact that this is Mexico, where many people make significantly less than that on a biweekly basis. Since the announcement of these arrests came on Wednesday, I’d be looking for the next mass arrest of Mexican police on corruption charges to come late next week or early in the following week. That would keep up the pace we’ve been on recently, although it would be less than stunning to see that pace quicken even further……..
- Ripping a kid is never something I want to do, so I’ll handle this next story a bit differently. Instead of mocking 13-year-old Whitney Lapic of Shillington, N.J., I’m going to focus more on her mother, Debra Stanley-Lapic. Whitney Lapic is the National Marbles Tournament champion after beating out a competitor from Allegheny County in Wildwood, New Jersey. Yes, I said the national marbles championship. Nothing says winner quite like being a standout marbles player. But as I said, I’m going to go easy on this kid and so her mother is the logical target. Debra Stanley-Lapic was herself the national marbles champion 36 years ago, yet she allows her kid to embrace full-on dork-dom and become a competitive marbles player too? If you’ve gone through the experience of playing marbles and being rightfully ridiculed by your peers for it, why would you allow your child to follow in your footsteps? It’s hard enough being a kid and growing up with having the added burden and stigma of playing marbles. If it’s possible, marbles might be an even dorkier competition than those kids who are slammed into the spelling bee and look really awkward and nervous trying to spell difficult words on national television. Who still plays marbles anyhow? What is this, 1959 or 2009? It doesn’t matter that Debra Stanley-Lapic and Whitney Lapic are the first mother and daughter to win a national championship, because that’s not a distinction anyone should be proud of. The blame here doesn’t go on the kid, because she’s just too young to know better. The mother takes the brunt of the responsibility for this one and unless she wants her daughter to spend the next 4-5 years of school being shoved inside lockers, given swirlies and having her book knocked out of her hands, she should find a new hobby for the girl……….
- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Prison riots are always fun to see, mostly because as long as prison officials stay out of harm’s way, there are no losers. You have a bunch of convicted criminals rioting and getting out of control, so even if some of them are injured in the process, it’s no big loss. Plus, these are usually some of society’s most violent individuals and as such, you know they’re putting on a good riot. This edition of Riot Watch! takes us to Pelican Bay State Prison in Northern California. An uprising at the maximum-security prison resulted in a seriously injured inmate being taken to an outside hospital for treatment and six other inmates suffering minor stab wounds and other injuries. To quell the unrest, which took place in the prison's main exercise yard and involved about 17 inmates, officers used pepper spray and rubber bullets. Oh, and you’ll be absolutely stunned to learn that authorities believe that this mini-riot was gang-related. A gang-related riot in a maximum-security prison? No way! I do want to give credit to the inmates who manufactured the seven weapons found at the scene of the riot by prison officials. I love hearing about inmates scrapping together whatever materials they can find, having people smuggle things into the prison for them and finding a way to carve out a shiv. It’s a bit like MacGuyver fashioning a bomb out of a toothpick, a watch and a piece of gum, only MacGuyver wasn’t looking to cut someone with his creation, he was looking to escape or take down the bad guys. So all in all, not a large-scale riot and nothing was burned or destroyed as far as I can tell, but still a solid 5.5 on the Riot-O-Meter, so I’ll take it…….
- One of the best YouTube moments of all time is the bear that was caught in a residential area, hit with a tranquilizer dart and subsequently fell from a tree and bounced up and down on a trampoline before falling to the ground. I can never get enough of that clip, but I’m guessing it wasn’t quite as funny for the residents of a Highlands Ranch, Colorado neighborhood who spotted a large black bear wander from the woods and into their lives. A resident on Ramshead Court in Highlands Ranch heard several dogs barking about 9 a.m. Friday and looked out the window to see what was going on. "Then I started focusing and saw a big bear claw. And then I called neighbors and told them to get their dogs in and their kids because we have a lot of kids in the cul-de-sac," Rod Michotte said. Michotte clearly isn’t the best thinker in tiems of crisis, because after calling the neighbors, he eschewed the idea of calling 911 and instead dialed his wife at work to let her know what was happening. “I said, 'Get off the phone and call 911!" Cindy Michotte said. Well said, Cindy. Following his wife’s sage advice, Rod Michotte called 911 and Douglas County deputies notified the Division of Wildlife. Police kept an eye on the bear until wildlife officers arrived, with the animal mostly sitting in a tree and not looking to do much damage. Also, the bear weighed in at only 150 pounds, so this wasn’t a huge, hulking animal. DOW officers hit the bear with two tranquilizer darts and the black bear fell onto the family's trampoline, severely bending it. Too bad no one videotaped it, because this could have been another classic YouTube clip. Bears bouncing on trampolines are always good for a laugh or 50. Oh, and the Michotte children are apparently angry because the falling bear messed up their trampoline, so a word of advice for them: get over it. Sometimes in life, a tranquilized bear falls onto your trampoline and screws it up. Laugh about it, get a new trampoline and move on. As for the bear, wildlife officials placed the 2-year-old animal in a bear container and took it back to the foothills, where it was set free. Officials say that roaming bears are common in Douglas County and that there are typically several sightings every year. Bears receive one free pass when they wander into a residential area, but if they do so a second time they are put down. Here’s hoping that this bear stays in the woods and off of trampolines from here on out so that it can live a long and happy bear life……
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Lots of drugs at the World Baseball Classic, lots of good Halloween weekend music in New Orleans and thoughts on Jack-O
- So who WASN’T drugged up on something during this year’s World Baseball Classic? Just a day after Chicago Cubs catcher Geovany Soto admitted that he tested positive for marijuana while playing for Puerto Rico in the WBC, it was revealed that Kansas City Royals pitcher Sidney Ponson tested positive for a stimulant during the tournament and has been banned from international competition for two years. Soto issued a well-written, smartly crafted statement apologizing for being a stoner and claiming that it was an “isolated” incident. Riiiight, because everyone who gets popped for smoking the hippie lettuce says that. Why exactly would someone decide to toke up for the first time during a huge international tournament where they are playing for their entire country? Nice try, Geo. It may be an isolated incident in terms of you getting caught, but it is not the first time you’ve hit the bong. As for Ponson, International Baseball Federation said that Ponson tested positive for Phentermine, a weight-loss drug that is similar in chemical structure to an amphetamine. He apparently was drugging up while pitching for the Netherlands last March in the WBC and throwing well enough to earn a minor league contract with Kansas City. He has struggled mightily this season, going 1-5 with a 7.27 ERA as a starter and reliever for the Royals. Of late, Ponson has been on the 15-day disabled list because of a strained right elbow. The positive test does place Ponson into Major League Baseball’s drug program, although he will not be suspended. Instead, he will be treated as a first-time offender and is subject to a medical review and fine. Kansas City manager Trey Hillman claims that Ponson alerted all relevant baseball officials that he was taking the drug and yet was still flagged for a positive test. His agent is also taking up the fight, stating that Ponson was given the drug by his doctor. “During the offseason, Sidney consulted with a physician about weight loss and was prescribed a common appetite suppressant," agent, Barry Praver declared. "Under the belief that this was sufficient, he did not seek further authorization, which he now understands would have been granted.” Give whatever excuse you want, but the bottom line is that Sid Ponson and Geovany Soto were both using illegal drugs during the WBC and must now suffer the consequences. Whether you are a stoner or a FAT guy looking to shed a few pounds, the rules still apply to you……..
- Speaking of FAT people….police in Bellingham, Massachusetts are hoping that the girth of a bank robber will help make him that much easier to track down. They are still searching for the man who robbed the Milford National Bank on Hartford Avenue in Bellingham just before 10:30 a.m. using a silver hand gun. The man has one distinctive feature that no mask, disguise or sunglasses can hide. "He was a very large man, 300 pounds or over, white, with facial hair," said Sgt. Lee Rolls, of the Bellingham Police Department. Even in the United States of America, the world’s FAT-test nation, being over 300 pounds definitely helps to narrow the suspect pool. Other details about the robber include his age (believed to be in his 30s) and that he was wearing a Patriots sweatshirt and a Red Sox hat. According to the police report, the man walked in, flashed a gun and demanded money. Once the teller handed over the cash, the suspect jumped into a gold or brown four-door sedan and fled…..as his car’s suspension groaned and strained under the pressure from his enormously FAT frame. Police are, as always, asking for the public help in identifying and locating the suspect. I’m guessing he shouldn’t be that tough to find; just start looking at all of the places where a person with an ungodly appetite could buy large quantities of unhealthy food for a fairly reasonable price. You don’t even need to send that many officers after this guy because there is no way he’s going to outrun even out-of-shape cops….I think. Look for this robber to cite his addiction to food and the need to feed that addiction as the reason for his crime when this case goes to court……..
- First and foremost….condolences to the family and friends of Michael Jackson. Losing a loved one, especially when he or she is only 50 years old, it tragic. Having a father, sibling or close friend pass away suddenly and unexpectedly is absolutely awful and for that reason, thought and prayers for those close to Jackson. On the most basic human level, your heart breaks in these situations because no one with a soul wishes anything so terrible on another person. That being said…..all of the people out there who didn’t know Jack-O at all and were merely fans of his music need to get a grip on themselves. For starters, anyone who is heartbroken at the death of a celebrity they didn’t know is way off base. Just because you listened to their music, watched their movies or saw them play a sport, that doesn’t mean you had a real connection to them. Save your emotions for those you know and love. Crying, engaging in midnight vigils and acting like the celeb who died was your best friend is just sad and misguided. Secondly, and I say this without looking to denigrate Jackson, his musical career was quite possibly the most overrated in history. Those who label him a visionary, a revolutionary and some sort of musical savant are just wrong. He was called the King of Pop, after all. Mainstream pop is the single-most patently offensive music genre for anyone who loves actual musical talent. It is over-produced, synthesized, glitzy, bubble-gum crap that basically focuses little on substance and actual music skill and more on what a producer with some technology at his disposal can do to make a song as slick and radio-friendly as possible. Jackson’s shtik was throwing on a single sequined glove, ugly sequined outfits and dancing around in music videos. I’ve never found his music compelling or good and doubt that I ever will. Today, as everyone with access to airspace went with their favorite Jackson songs in heavy rotation (a great reason to never rely on the radio as your music source), I didn’t hear a single song I liked or one that didn’t make me want to change the channel immediately. Remember, just because a song or artist is popular doesn’t mean they are good. Simply put, there are a lot of morons out there with bad taste in music and a bunch of them gathering together in support of a particular artist in no way constitutes a validation of their act. Thirdly….Jack-O basically inspired that weasel-on-helium-voiced former man-bander Justin Timberlake’s entire act. Timberlake basically lives by ripping off/recycling Jackson’s gimmicks, which further denigrates Jack-O’s musical career. Inspiring a hack like Timberlake just doesn’t reflect well on you, period. Oh, and I should also mention that Jackson was a known pedophile with an alarm outside his master bedroom to alert him when he was inside with a child and an adult approached the room. He once paid $20 million to settle a civil suit against him by the family of an alleged victim of his perverted ways, even if he was never convicted for the crime. In other words, he wasn’t a great guy outside of his overrated musical career. For that reason, I’m no sadder about his passing than I am about the deaths of any of the other people around the country and world today. Many people lost their loved ones and they deserve just as much sympathy and just as many prayers as Jackson’s family, because he was no more important than any of them…….
- Are the United States and Venezuela finally making nice? Not really, but at least the two oft-sparring nations are taking the small step forward of reinstating each others’ ambassadors. Some nine months after a diplomatic spat resulted in their respective expulsions, the ambassadors will be allowed to return to their posts in the days ahead, according to the State Department. U.S. Ambassador Patrick Duddy will be allowed to return to Venezuela and Venezuelan Ambassador Bernardo Alvarez Herrera will retake his post in Washington. “With (Duddy’s) return, full diplomatic representation will resume,” State Department spokesman Ian Kelly said. “This will help advance and enhance our outreach to the Venezuelan people.” Ironically, this little diplomatic dust-up began with a disagreement between the U.S. and Bolivia. Bolivian President Evo Morales expelled the U.S. ambassador from his country to protest what he called American interference in his country. For some odd reason, Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez felt like he had to follow suit and gave Duddy the boot from his country in September. It took the United States all of one day to return the favor and from there, it was on. Making matters a bit awkward has been the fact that the United States accounts for about 60 percent of Venezuela’s total exports. In other words, we’ll buy your goods but we don’t want any sort of diplomatic relationship with you. Relations between the two countries have been improving ever so gradually since Barack Obama took office in January, so it’s not the biggest surprise that the reinstatement of ambassadors is taking place. “The Obama administration wants to have more fluid communication and to improve relations,” said Nicolas Maduro Moros, Venezuela’s minister for foreign affairs. “Our position on this issue is very clear, and we are ready to move forward.” Full diplomatic relations between the U.S. and Venezuela still haven’t been restored, but I suppose this is a nice step in that direction……….
- Quite an eclectic group of performers that will be taking to the stage at the 11th annual Voodoo Experience music festival, taking place Halloween weekend in New Orleans. Not that the people of the Crescent City need an excuse to put on bizarre costumes and drink a lot of alcohol, but this will provide them with one. The list of scheduled acts includes Eminem, Kiss, Jane's Addiction, the Flaming Lips, Ween, Silversun Pickups, Wolfmother, Eagles of Death Metal, the Black Keys, New Orleans natives Mutemath, Black Lips, Mates of State, All Time Low, Robert Randolph & the Family Band, the Knux and George Clinton & Parliament-Funkadelic. It should be quite a show, with more than 150 acts total who will play on eight stages in three separate areas -- named Le Ritual, Le Flambeau and Le Carnival -- around the city. It will be Eminem’s first full-length concert in four years, which not-so-coincidentally comes as he’s looking to drum up support for his new album, "The Relapse.” The festival will be covered on-air and online by Fuse, a cable network that many of you have probably never heard of. Should you be looking to head to the Big Easy and get your drink on, er, hear some great music and possibly enjoy a beer or fifteen, tickets for the weekend are available for $169. If you can afford to step up to the VIP level, LOA Lounge VIP passes are priced $475. One benefit for all festival goers this year is that Voodoo organizers are absorbing any surcharges, so tickets will be slightly less expensive than they could have been. I definitely wish I could be on hand for this, because Halloween is already an insane party in New Orleans, but adding a ton of great bands on three stages around the city is going to make it even better……..
- Speaking of FAT people….police in Bellingham, Massachusetts are hoping that the girth of a bank robber will help make him that much easier to track down. They are still searching for the man who robbed the Milford National Bank on Hartford Avenue in Bellingham just before 10:30 a.m. using a silver hand gun. The man has one distinctive feature that no mask, disguise or sunglasses can hide. "He was a very large man, 300 pounds or over, white, with facial hair," said Sgt. Lee Rolls, of the Bellingham Police Department. Even in the United States of America, the world’s FAT-test nation, being over 300 pounds definitely helps to narrow the suspect pool. Other details about the robber include his age (believed to be in his 30s) and that he was wearing a Patriots sweatshirt and a Red Sox hat. According to the police report, the man walked in, flashed a gun and demanded money. Once the teller handed over the cash, the suspect jumped into a gold or brown four-door sedan and fled…..as his car’s suspension groaned and strained under the pressure from his enormously FAT frame. Police are, as always, asking for the public help in identifying and locating the suspect. I’m guessing he shouldn’t be that tough to find; just start looking at all of the places where a person with an ungodly appetite could buy large quantities of unhealthy food for a fairly reasonable price. You don’t even need to send that many officers after this guy because there is no way he’s going to outrun even out-of-shape cops….I think. Look for this robber to cite his addiction to food and the need to feed that addiction as the reason for his crime when this case goes to court……..
- First and foremost….condolences to the family and friends of Michael Jackson. Losing a loved one, especially when he or she is only 50 years old, it tragic. Having a father, sibling or close friend pass away suddenly and unexpectedly is absolutely awful and for that reason, thought and prayers for those close to Jackson. On the most basic human level, your heart breaks in these situations because no one with a soul wishes anything so terrible on another person. That being said…..all of the people out there who didn’t know Jack-O at all and were merely fans of his music need to get a grip on themselves. For starters, anyone who is heartbroken at the death of a celebrity they didn’t know is way off base. Just because you listened to their music, watched their movies or saw them play a sport, that doesn’t mean you had a real connection to them. Save your emotions for those you know and love. Crying, engaging in midnight vigils and acting like the celeb who died was your best friend is just sad and misguided. Secondly, and I say this without looking to denigrate Jackson, his musical career was quite possibly the most overrated in history. Those who label him a visionary, a revolutionary and some sort of musical savant are just wrong. He was called the King of Pop, after all. Mainstream pop is the single-most patently offensive music genre for anyone who loves actual musical talent. It is over-produced, synthesized, glitzy, bubble-gum crap that basically focuses little on substance and actual music skill and more on what a producer with some technology at his disposal can do to make a song as slick and radio-friendly as possible. Jackson’s shtik was throwing on a single sequined glove, ugly sequined outfits and dancing around in music videos. I’ve never found his music compelling or good and doubt that I ever will. Today, as everyone with access to airspace went with their favorite Jackson songs in heavy rotation (a great reason to never rely on the radio as your music source), I didn’t hear a single song I liked or one that didn’t make me want to change the channel immediately. Remember, just because a song or artist is popular doesn’t mean they are good. Simply put, there are a lot of morons out there with bad taste in music and a bunch of them gathering together in support of a particular artist in no way constitutes a validation of their act. Thirdly….Jack-O basically inspired that weasel-on-helium-voiced former man-bander Justin Timberlake’s entire act. Timberlake basically lives by ripping off/recycling Jackson’s gimmicks, which further denigrates Jack-O’s musical career. Inspiring a hack like Timberlake just doesn’t reflect well on you, period. Oh, and I should also mention that Jackson was a known pedophile with an alarm outside his master bedroom to alert him when he was inside with a child and an adult approached the room. He once paid $20 million to settle a civil suit against him by the family of an alleged victim of his perverted ways, even if he was never convicted for the crime. In other words, he wasn’t a great guy outside of his overrated musical career. For that reason, I’m no sadder about his passing than I am about the deaths of any of the other people around the country and world today. Many people lost their loved ones and they deserve just as much sympathy and just as many prayers as Jackson’s family, because he was no more important than any of them…….
- Are the United States and Venezuela finally making nice? Not really, but at least the two oft-sparring nations are taking the small step forward of reinstating each others’ ambassadors. Some nine months after a diplomatic spat resulted in their respective expulsions, the ambassadors will be allowed to return to their posts in the days ahead, according to the State Department. U.S. Ambassador Patrick Duddy will be allowed to return to Venezuela and Venezuelan Ambassador Bernardo Alvarez Herrera will retake his post in Washington. “With (Duddy’s) return, full diplomatic representation will resume,” State Department spokesman Ian Kelly said. “This will help advance and enhance our outreach to the Venezuelan people.” Ironically, this little diplomatic dust-up began with a disagreement between the U.S. and Bolivia. Bolivian President Evo Morales expelled the U.S. ambassador from his country to protest what he called American interference in his country. For some odd reason, Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez felt like he had to follow suit and gave Duddy the boot from his country in September. It took the United States all of one day to return the favor and from there, it was on. Making matters a bit awkward has been the fact that the United States accounts for about 60 percent of Venezuela’s total exports. In other words, we’ll buy your goods but we don’t want any sort of diplomatic relationship with you. Relations between the two countries have been improving ever so gradually since Barack Obama took office in January, so it’s not the biggest surprise that the reinstatement of ambassadors is taking place. “The Obama administration wants to have more fluid communication and to improve relations,” said Nicolas Maduro Moros, Venezuela’s minister for foreign affairs. “Our position on this issue is very clear, and we are ready to move forward.” Full diplomatic relations between the U.S. and Venezuela still haven’t been restored, but I suppose this is a nice step in that direction……….
- Quite an eclectic group of performers that will be taking to the stage at the 11th annual Voodoo Experience music festival, taking place Halloween weekend in New Orleans. Not that the people of the Crescent City need an excuse to put on bizarre costumes and drink a lot of alcohol, but this will provide them with one. The list of scheduled acts includes Eminem, Kiss, Jane's Addiction, the Flaming Lips, Ween, Silversun Pickups, Wolfmother, Eagles of Death Metal, the Black Keys, New Orleans natives Mutemath, Black Lips, Mates of State, All Time Low, Robert Randolph & the Family Band, the Knux and George Clinton & Parliament-Funkadelic. It should be quite a show, with more than 150 acts total who will play on eight stages in three separate areas -- named Le Ritual, Le Flambeau and Le Carnival -- around the city. It will be Eminem’s first full-length concert in four years, which not-so-coincidentally comes as he’s looking to drum up support for his new album, "The Relapse.” The festival will be covered on-air and online by Fuse, a cable network that many of you have probably never heard of. Should you be looking to head to the Big Easy and get your drink on, er, hear some great music and possibly enjoy a beer or fifteen, tickets for the weekend are available for $169. If you can afford to step up to the VIP level, LOA Lounge VIP passes are priced $475. One benefit for all festival goers this year is that Voodoo organizers are absorbing any surcharges, so tickets will be slightly less expensive than they could have been. I definitely wish I could be on hand for this, because Halloween is already an insane party in New Orleans, but adding a ton of great bands on three stages around the city is going to make it even better……..
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Unlikely Riot Watch heroes in Iran, where your pal hypocrisy has been lately and the Cavs make a trade that accomplishes very little
- Props to the Cleveland Cavaliers for at least trying to do something to improve their team after getting completely and totally overmatched in the Eastern Conference finals this season. It’s about four months late and it’s a move that isn't actually going to help them win an NBA championship next season or any other season, but at least they’re trying. Of course, I’m referring to the trade of also-rans Ben Wallace, who may or may not still alive at this point, and Sasha Pavlovic for the aging, out-of-shape Shaquille O’Neal. The trade for Shaq allows the Cavs and their fans to think that they’re doing something to improve their team after the Orlando Magic soundly throttled them in the playoffs this season. Never mind that the Cavs should have made a trade – they even discussed this very deal – before the NBA trade deadline in February. They had an expiring contract to trade in Wally Sczerbiak and probably could have found someone willing to give them a valuable contributor using Sczerbiak and a few other pieces. Instead, GM Danny Ferry and his crew elected to stand pat and go forward with the team they had. We all saw the result of that and now the Cavs are making a move to bring a 37-year-old guy with a body that is probably closer to 47 years old, with tons of mileage on it and who clearly hasn’t made any significant effort to stay in shape over the years. O’Neal has become an increasingly bitter, contentious guy who seems unable to deal with the fact that he just can’t dominate games the way he used to. Sure, he averaged 18 points and eight rebounds a game for Phoenix this past season, but don’t let the numbers obscure your view of the truth. Shaq no longer dominates games the way he once did and there is no way he can stay on the floor for prolonged periods of time. He’ll come into Cleveland with a lot of fanfare and perhaps even the glowing approval of LeBron James, but anyone who thinks that the Cavs will win the NBA championship next season if they don’t make other moves besides this one are begging. Give this one a passing grade for effort on the Cavs’ part an a failing grade everywhere else – i.e. the places it counts……….
- This is exactly what I like to see. When one country stumbles and can’t keep up its end of the drug-producing load for the world, other countries have to step their game up. For years, Colombia has been the lead dog in terms of supplying the world with its drugs, specifically cocaine. The Colombians have dominated in distributing blow and that fact has undoubtedly been a source of immense pride for the entire country. However, the United Nations reported this week that coca cultivation and cocaine production have decreased in Colombia. That’s bad news, because your friendly neighborhood coke heads won't be quite as friendly if their supply dries up and prices skyrocket. However, there is good news in this seemingly terrible story. Even though Colombian cultivation was down 18 percent and production decreased 28 percent in 2008, Bolivia and Peru have risen to the occasion by upping their contributions to the world of narcotics. The U.N. Office on Drugs and Crime issued a report Friday saying that cultivation increased 6 percent in Bolivia and 4.5 percent in Peru, while production went up 9 percent in Bolivia and 4.1 percent in Peru. One nation may not be able to fill the gap left when Colombia falls short, but when two nations like Bolivia and Peru team up, the burden is lessened. "The increases for Bolivia and Peru show a trend in the wrong direction," said Antonio Maria Costa, executive director of the U.N. drug office. Not really, Antonio. You’re looking at this the wrong way and I am here to help you get your focus right. While you might think that the manual eradication of 237 acres of coca, an increase of 44 percent over 2007, and the spraying of another 328 acres with herbicide are good things, but not so. See, having production levels at a 10-year low isn’t going to eliminate the Colombian nose candy from the world - it’s simply going to create problems when people can't get their coke or have to pay more for it. Various government and law enforcement groups can celebrate the fact that the value of coca leaf in Colombia is decreasing, but they are deluding themselves if they think that this is a fight they can win. Sure, it’s less attractive for farmers in Colombia to grow coca plants, but there will always be someone else there to meet the demand. Bolivia and Peru are just the tip of the cocaine iceberg; other nations will stand tall and help fill the void as well. It may have nothing to do with a sense of being neighborly and helping out when your fellow coke producers trip up, but the end result is that there will be product there and the system will keep chugging along……..
- Is there anyone who hasn’t made a sex tape at some point in their life? Seriously, when even the irrelevant, cougar-like cast members of crappy reality shows like "Real Housewives of New Jersey” are having to go to court to prevent the release of sex tapes starring themselves, this trned has gone too far. Having never seen any of Bravo's “Real Housewives” shows (I think there are currently 17 and that Bravo is attempting to surpass the record for variations on a single series, currently held by CBS with “CSI”), I have no idea who Danielle Staub, of Wayne, N.J. is and if not for this story, I would still have no idea. However, now that Staub has gone to court to stop her ex-husband, Stephen Zalewski, from releasing a sex tape of the couple, I at least know that Staub is a freak - although I really knew that already by virtue of her being on a reality show. It doesn’t even matter if the sex tape was made by your spouse, because who makes a tape of themselves having sex? You were there, you know what it looks like and feels like. Why would you want anyone else to see you having sex unless you’re a freak? But if you are dumb enough to make a sex tape, go ahead and assume that someone is going to publish or “leak” it at some point. Perhaps Zalewski was looking for revenge on his wife after their divorce or maybe he was jealous of her “fame” and wanted to capitalize on it by putting out this tape. He attempted to distributing explicit photos and a sex tape from their time together, but Staub sued for invasion of privacy, defamation and intentional infliction of emotional distress and won the case in Passaic County Court. Her case was based on claims that she was unknowingly videotaped and photographed while having sex, which the judge apparently believed. Do I believe that? Not really. Then again, the judge in the case didn’t exactly slam the door on Zalewski’s quest to release the video and pictures. Instead, he merely ordered an injunction banning the release of any sex video or racy pictures pending a hearing next month. As for the possible motive of releasing the materials, what does Mr. Zalewski have to say about it? Well, last week he told Star magazine last week that Staub "cost me so much money, why shouldn't I make a few dollars?” Again, I’ve never watched "Real Housewives of New Jersey,” but from what I have heard, Staub is cryptic and secretive about her past on the show. She has admitted to being arrested and changing her name after a 1996 book titled "Cop Without a Badge” was published about Zalewski and alleged that she had ties to prostitution, a kidnapping plot, and a $24,000 dollar drug deal gone awry. Other allegations against her include being part of a prostitution ring and having an even larger role in a variety of other illegal activities. All in all, she sounds like a quality person, no? Just the kind of person you’d expect to end up on a sex tape……..
- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Iran has truly been Riot Central of late, with near non-stop riots in Tehran and other cities around the nation. The upheaval over the bogus, fraudulent re-election of dictator Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has made the streets of Iran’s capital quite possibly the most dangerous place in the world to be. That hasn’t stopped an unlikely group from joining in on the riot fun: Iranian clerics. When your local religious officials jump in on the rioting, you know you’ve got something big going on. It was true when Tibetan monks spearheaded the riots and protests in Tibet last year and it’s true here as a group of Mullahs took to the streets of Tehran to protest election results. No one knows whether these clerics voted for Ahmadinejad or one of the opposition candidates, but the most important thing is that they are willing to defy the will of Iran's supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, who threw down the gauntlet by declaring all anti-election demonstrations illegal. When the country’s conservative clerics, its the guardians of the Islamic revolution and its ideologies decide to jump in and riot, the world takes notice. These guys are ranked only below God and Iran's supreme leader in the Islamic food chain. Now we’re left to wait and see how the country’s military and police will react to the clerics rioting. Will they violently abuse, beat and kill them as they have done to the rest of the protestors? It will be tough to see, given the fact that the Iranian government is attempting to permit any pictures or video of their gross and ongoing abuses of power from getting out. They’re demanding that news outlets report only positive stories that support the current regime or else get out of Iran, so discovering the truth will be tough. I am not Muslim, but I give the clerics of the Islamic Republic props for speaking up for people's right to voice their opinion and in support of new elections. Chief among these brave souls is Grand Ayatollah Hussein Ali Montazeri, who described government efforts to crackdown on the protests as threatening the legitimacy of the Islamic Republic because it was no longer representing all the people. Men like this add yet another layer and much more texture to an already fascinating story of a people fed up with their government and willing to put their lives on the line to speak out and create change. Well done, all Iranian dissidents, I salute you…….
- Wondering where your good friend hypocrisy has been lately? If you haven’t seen hypocrisy around much, it’s probably because that tool Jon Gosselin has bee totally monopolizing hypocrisy’s time. See, you might remember that a couple of weeks ago, this clown angrily proclaimed that the state of his marriage to wife/fellow attention whore Kate was “a private matter” even though I explicitly explained that saying such a thing AFTER being on reality television is the ultimate contradiction. It was then I felt that Jon G. couldn’t take hypocrisy to any higher heights – and of course I was wrong. What says stay out of my private business and marriage quite like announcing your divorce on TV? Because that’s what Jon and Kate did this week on the most recent episode of their TLC reality show, telling the world that they had decided to end things. But wait, I thought your marriage was private and that you wanted people to respect that. This makes no sense. See, if I was angry about people prying into what I felt was a private area of my life, know what I wouldn’t do? Yup, I would not announce my divorce on TELEVISION! It’s like this tool is saying, “Yo, you all need to back off, this is a matter between my wife and I, so give us – wait, hang on a minute. Know what? We’re getting divorced, cue up those cameras and make sure you record this.” The future of the show itself is unclear, as the current “season” will keep on going, but after that…..it’s not known whether TLC will try to string this thing out any further. If they mercifully decide to kill the series, that will be the one positive thing to come out of this divorce, if there can be such a thing. The less of my man Jonny G. I have in my life, the better………
- This is exactly what I like to see. When one country stumbles and can’t keep up its end of the drug-producing load for the world, other countries have to step their game up. For years, Colombia has been the lead dog in terms of supplying the world with its drugs, specifically cocaine. The Colombians have dominated in distributing blow and that fact has undoubtedly been a source of immense pride for the entire country. However, the United Nations reported this week that coca cultivation and cocaine production have decreased in Colombia. That’s bad news, because your friendly neighborhood coke heads won't be quite as friendly if their supply dries up and prices skyrocket. However, there is good news in this seemingly terrible story. Even though Colombian cultivation was down 18 percent and production decreased 28 percent in 2008, Bolivia and Peru have risen to the occasion by upping their contributions to the world of narcotics. The U.N. Office on Drugs and Crime issued a report Friday saying that cultivation increased 6 percent in Bolivia and 4.5 percent in Peru, while production went up 9 percent in Bolivia and 4.1 percent in Peru. One nation may not be able to fill the gap left when Colombia falls short, but when two nations like Bolivia and Peru team up, the burden is lessened. "The increases for Bolivia and Peru show a trend in the wrong direction," said Antonio Maria Costa, executive director of the U.N. drug office. Not really, Antonio. You’re looking at this the wrong way and I am here to help you get your focus right. While you might think that the manual eradication of 237 acres of coca, an increase of 44 percent over 2007, and the spraying of another 328 acres with herbicide are good things, but not so. See, having production levels at a 10-year low isn’t going to eliminate the Colombian nose candy from the world - it’s simply going to create problems when people can't get their coke or have to pay more for it. Various government and law enforcement groups can celebrate the fact that the value of coca leaf in Colombia is decreasing, but they are deluding themselves if they think that this is a fight they can win. Sure, it’s less attractive for farmers in Colombia to grow coca plants, but there will always be someone else there to meet the demand. Bolivia and Peru are just the tip of the cocaine iceberg; other nations will stand tall and help fill the void as well. It may have nothing to do with a sense of being neighborly and helping out when your fellow coke producers trip up, but the end result is that there will be product there and the system will keep chugging along……..
- Is there anyone who hasn’t made a sex tape at some point in their life? Seriously, when even the irrelevant, cougar-like cast members of crappy reality shows like "Real Housewives of New Jersey” are having to go to court to prevent the release of sex tapes starring themselves, this trned has gone too far. Having never seen any of Bravo's “Real Housewives” shows (I think there are currently 17 and that Bravo is attempting to surpass the record for variations on a single series, currently held by CBS with “CSI”), I have no idea who Danielle Staub, of Wayne, N.J. is and if not for this story, I would still have no idea. However, now that Staub has gone to court to stop her ex-husband, Stephen Zalewski, from releasing a sex tape of the couple, I at least know that Staub is a freak - although I really knew that already by virtue of her being on a reality show. It doesn’t even matter if the sex tape was made by your spouse, because who makes a tape of themselves having sex? You were there, you know what it looks like and feels like. Why would you want anyone else to see you having sex unless you’re a freak? But if you are dumb enough to make a sex tape, go ahead and assume that someone is going to publish or “leak” it at some point. Perhaps Zalewski was looking for revenge on his wife after their divorce or maybe he was jealous of her “fame” and wanted to capitalize on it by putting out this tape. He attempted to distributing explicit photos and a sex tape from their time together, but Staub sued for invasion of privacy, defamation and intentional infliction of emotional distress and won the case in Passaic County Court. Her case was based on claims that she was unknowingly videotaped and photographed while having sex, which the judge apparently believed. Do I believe that? Not really. Then again, the judge in the case didn’t exactly slam the door on Zalewski’s quest to release the video and pictures. Instead, he merely ordered an injunction banning the release of any sex video or racy pictures pending a hearing next month. As for the possible motive of releasing the materials, what does Mr. Zalewski have to say about it? Well, last week he told Star magazine last week that Staub "cost me so much money, why shouldn't I make a few dollars?” Again, I’ve never watched "Real Housewives of New Jersey,” but from what I have heard, Staub is cryptic and secretive about her past on the show. She has admitted to being arrested and changing her name after a 1996 book titled "Cop Without a Badge” was published about Zalewski and alleged that she had ties to prostitution, a kidnapping plot, and a $24,000 dollar drug deal gone awry. Other allegations against her include being part of a prostitution ring and having an even larger role in a variety of other illegal activities. All in all, she sounds like a quality person, no? Just the kind of person you’d expect to end up on a sex tape……..
- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Iran has truly been Riot Central of late, with near non-stop riots in Tehran and other cities around the nation. The upheaval over the bogus, fraudulent re-election of dictator Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has made the streets of Iran’s capital quite possibly the most dangerous place in the world to be. That hasn’t stopped an unlikely group from joining in on the riot fun: Iranian clerics. When your local religious officials jump in on the rioting, you know you’ve got something big going on. It was true when Tibetan monks spearheaded the riots and protests in Tibet last year and it’s true here as a group of Mullahs took to the streets of Tehran to protest election results. No one knows whether these clerics voted for Ahmadinejad or one of the opposition candidates, but the most important thing is that they are willing to defy the will of Iran's supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, who threw down the gauntlet by declaring all anti-election demonstrations illegal. When the country’s conservative clerics, its the guardians of the Islamic revolution and its ideologies decide to jump in and riot, the world takes notice. These guys are ranked only below God and Iran's supreme leader in the Islamic food chain. Now we’re left to wait and see how the country’s military and police will react to the clerics rioting. Will they violently abuse, beat and kill them as they have done to the rest of the protestors? It will be tough to see, given the fact that the Iranian government is attempting to permit any pictures or video of their gross and ongoing abuses of power from getting out. They’re demanding that news outlets report only positive stories that support the current regime or else get out of Iran, so discovering the truth will be tough. I am not Muslim, but I give the clerics of the Islamic Republic props for speaking up for people's right to voice their opinion and in support of new elections. Chief among these brave souls is Grand Ayatollah Hussein Ali Montazeri, who described government efforts to crackdown on the protests as threatening the legitimacy of the Islamic Republic because it was no longer representing all the people. Men like this add yet another layer and much more texture to an already fascinating story of a people fed up with their government and willing to put their lives on the line to speak out and create change. Well done, all Iranian dissidents, I salute you…….
- Wondering where your good friend hypocrisy has been lately? If you haven’t seen hypocrisy around much, it’s probably because that tool Jon Gosselin has bee totally monopolizing hypocrisy’s time. See, you might remember that a couple of weeks ago, this clown angrily proclaimed that the state of his marriage to wife/fellow attention whore Kate was “a private matter” even though I explicitly explained that saying such a thing AFTER being on reality television is the ultimate contradiction. It was then I felt that Jon G. couldn’t take hypocrisy to any higher heights – and of course I was wrong. What says stay out of my private business and marriage quite like announcing your divorce on TV? Because that’s what Jon and Kate did this week on the most recent episode of their TLC reality show, telling the world that they had decided to end things. But wait, I thought your marriage was private and that you wanted people to respect that. This makes no sense. See, if I was angry about people prying into what I felt was a private area of my life, know what I wouldn’t do? Yup, I would not announce my divorce on TELEVISION! It’s like this tool is saying, “Yo, you all need to back off, this is a matter between my wife and I, so give us – wait, hang on a minute. Know what? We’re getting divorced, cue up those cameras and make sure you record this.” The future of the show itself is unclear, as the current “season” will keep on going, but after that…..it’s not known whether TLC will try to string this thing out any further. If they mercifully decide to kill the series, that will be the one positive thing to come out of this divorce, if there can be such a thing. The less of my man Jonny G. I have in my life, the better………
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Legal system confusion, P. Hilton vs. will.i.am and John Daly scalps an RV
- Lee Monroe Crider, three years in jail for stealing Lance Armstrong's custom bike? I hate to keep going back to this, but the legal system in south Florida set a terrible precedent when Donte Stallworth was sentenced to exactly one month in jail for getting behind the wheel of his luxury sled while drunk, driving and killing a man. After seeing that happen, Crider getting anything more than a week for thieving a bike, even the bike of the world's most famous cyclist, just seems wrong. Sure, second-degree burglary and grand theft are nothing to scoff at, but when you set the precedent of one month in the hole for the taking of a human life, things become much murkier in the legal sense. Now it wasn't made public whether or not Crider has a previous criminal record and maybe he does, but even that should not be putting him behind bars some 36 times longer than a guy who committed vehicular manslaughter while drunk. Step your game up, legal system, because quite frankly you're just embarrassing yourself at this point......
- I have a tough time with this next one because I quite frankly don't like any of the involved parties. But as for the particulars, seems that flamboyant, loud-mouthed "celebrity" blogger Perez Hilton was jacked up outside of a Toronto night club recently by a member of the entourage rolling with Hack Eyed Peas member will.i.am. The incident was caught on tape and Hilton is on a freaking rampage, cursing and even going so far as to use a popular homosexual slur (f****t), which is ironic because dude is a homosexual and you'd think that after his unprovoked crusade against Miss California USA Carrie Prejean for her stance against same-sex marriage that he'd be a bit slower to throw around homosexual slurs. What is seen on the video is Hilton apparently getting punched right in the face three times by someone he is now alleging to be the Hack Eyed Peas' manager. Hilton and will.i.am are trading snippy online video posts, profanities and accusations and I'm just not sure where to come out on this one. On the one hand, Hilton is a tool who spends his days tearing into the personal lives of others on his Web site and is extremely intolerant of people who disagree with him. On the other hand, will.i.am and his fellow H.E.P. members produce some of the most awful and offensive music known to man and are set to ruin five dates on U2's fall North American tour by performing as an opening act. So there is ample reason to despise both of these jokers and that's exactly what I am going to do. I will celebrate the fact that Hilton got punched in the face and I will celebrate the fact that will.i.am and his manager may face criminal charges and a civil suit. So in that sense, we are all winners here and that's something to feel good about........
- Dear cable news networks: Wanna know when you stop looking the least bit legitimate and start looking like a bunch of insipid ass hats? Here's a hint: right around the time you bring in some sort of so-called expert analyst to break down the divorce announcement of those reality TV knobs Jon and Kate Gosselin. The second that the personal lives of people appearing on reality TV become actual, relevant news and you're devoting a single second of air time to analyzing who will be viewed more favorably by the public and whether one of them will have an easier time dealing with the divorce than the other one, you have officially become a joke. Here's a news flash for you, Fox News: people on reality TV are really, really screwed up. That's why they're on reality TV in the first place. If they were well-adjusted, functional people, they would be nowhere near the set of a reality show - ever. So your coverage of them like they are freaking royalty or important government figures is just sad for all involved, but mostly just for you. The rest of us can change the channel, turn off the TV or just forget about all of it. You, on the other hand, must exist and operate with the knowledge that you are totally and completely ridiculous in every sense of the word and are not going to be getting your dignity back any time soon.......
- Freaking John Daly. I love he guy, as do many out there, because he's such a tragically flawed and loveable figure. He has his demons - women, booze, gambling, cigarettes, more women, more booze - but he also has a great heart and is by all accounts an extremely nice guy. After serving a six-month suspension from the PGA Tour following his latest round of legal troubles, J.D. is back on Tour and he just can't seem to avoid trouble. Fortunately, this time his trouble isn't because he engaged in any criminal behavior, got married and divorced again or ran up a ginormous gambling debt. While driving the tricked-out RV he takes to tournaments through the Bankhead Tunnel in Mobile, Alabama, J.D. apparently failed to realize that the clearance signs indicating how tall a vehicle could be and still pass through the tunnel meant that his RV was too big to pass through. As a result, Daly and his 17-year-old daughter suffered what had to be a very scary ordeal as the tunnel ripped the roof of the RV to shreds when they tried to navigate the tunnel. Reports have both Daly and his daughter being okay, although the debris from the accident did strike a Cadillac driving behind the RV. What's odd is that the tunnel's 12-foot clearance is marked by chains dangling from the roof that are supposed to set off an alarm if a vehicle makes contact with them. Whether J.D. had the radio on too loud or wasn't paying attention, he didn't react to the alarms and as a result, his RV was scalped. I'm bummed to hear of another bad thing happening to Long John and wish him well gong forward, but J.D. my man, you need to pay attention to those clearance signs from here on out and maybe even break out a tape measure so you know how tall your RV is.......
Monday, June 22, 2009
The U.S. Open finally ends, Chris Brown treated with legal kid gloves and more proof that horse racing isn't a sport
- This isn't helping your argument that your little competition is a real sport, horse racing. I’ve long argued that horse racing isn't a sport, just like any other competition where a human being does not provide the overwhelming majority of the power. My argument is now aided by what happened during Saturday's fifth race at Belmont Park, a horse named Phone Jazz threw off her jockey, Jean-Luc Samyn, while coming out of the gate. So with no little man in a funny outfit on its back, the horse would have no clue what to do, right? Not exactly. See, Phone Jazz kept on running and after staying near the front of the pack for the entire race, the horse bolted to the lead and crossed the finish line first. It may not have counted as an official win for Phone Jazz because the rules of horse racing say the horse and the jockey have to cross the finish line together, but that doesn’t mean that this result doesn’t prove a point, namely that horse racing is not a sport. If human beings are not only an insignificant part of the physical power needed to win but totally irrelevant to the ability of the horse to cross the finish line first, I don’t see how anyone can truly call horse racing a real sport. Because Phone Jazz finished sans jockey, So Hold the Cruiser, who finished second, got the win, followed up by Favorite Colors and Properlyintroduced. I am also glad to hear that Samyn got right up off the ground and wasn’t hurt by the fall. Horse racing may not be a real sport, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be sad to hear that someone was injured while taking part in it. So another chink in your argument, horse racing fans, and I can’t say that I’m the least bit surprised………
- Here’s one tour I wont be rushing to buy a ticket for. The Cyrus family is in the business of making crappy music, whether it’s father Billy Ray and his “Achy Breaky” country garbage, daughter Miley and hr country-pop mixture that combines the worst of her dad’s genre with the worst of my most hated genre of all, mainstream pop, or older brother Trace and his faux punk/actually dance-pop band Metro Station. I once listened to Metro Station not knowing what their sound was and could not turn off the sound quickly enough. Hearing that , Metro Station will be joining Miley Cyrus on her upcoming North American trek, which begins Sept. 14, I felt a lot of different things. Shock, horror, the need for ear plugs and many other emotions coursed through me. As you might expect, the Cyrus family doesn’t share my horror. "I couldn't be more excited," Trace declared. "Honestly, I've been away from home for so long I haven't really gotten to see my family for the past two years. I'm gone on the road more than my dad (country star Billy Ray Cyrus), more than my sister. So the fact I'm gonna get to spend that much time with my family and my band, I couldn't be in a happier position. It's my dream come true; I'm gonna have everyone I love out on the road with me. It's gonna be great.” No it’ not, at least not for anyone who likes good music that isn't grossly over-produced and horrible. It may be good for you because it’ll provide a chance for some together time with little sister, but you could do that without hitting the road and subjecting people to the ear-assaulting sh*t you boh call music. Oh, and how proud Metro Station must be to following in the footsteps of other musical luminaries who have toured with Miley Cyrus, including the immortal Jonas Brothers. Making matters worse, Trace Cyrus says Metro has "well over 20 tracks" written for the follow-up to its self-titled 2007 debut and plans to hit the studio after the tour ends in December with a new release in early 2010. So there’s double-whammy for the music world, a truly awful tour followed by a truly awful album that Trace Cyrus says will be “a little more electronic, with same big pop songs that could be played on the radio.” In other words, they’ve taken what sucked about their debut album and magnified it, yippee! It’s not quite on the American Karaoke level of bad music, but it’s close……….
- One of the more bizarre golf tournaments I’ve ever seen is now over and I’m not quite sure what to make of the 2009 U.S. Open. Lucas Glover did enough to hold on in a final round where the big names, Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson, could never play like the world’s two best players long enough to win and in which play was suspended, postponed and prolonged by one rain delay after another. Glover ended at -4 to win by two shots over a group at -2 that was led by Mickelson and the suddenly resurgent David Duval (welcome back, D.D.). The tournament finally wrapped up this afternoon, half a day over the original schedule. That was actually much sooner than was projected at various points throughout the weekend as the skies opened up and rain fell in heavy doses on Long Island. The sight of grounds crew members pushing squeegees across the greens to squeeze out water and fans huddling under umbrellas will be forever linked to this tournament, which had a resultingly uneven feel. On none of the days, Thursday through Monday, was the traditional one round per day played. It was either a small fraction of a round, as on Thursday, or marathon days in which parts of two rounds were played, as on Saturday. Like many fans, I had heard little or nothing about Glover before this weekend, as he had won only one tournament previously. He could well go the way of former major tournament winners like Ben Curtis and Chad Campbell, who won their major only to fade right back into obscurity. Another thing that will stick with me is seeing Tiger Woods fail to sink putt after putt when he had a wide open door to stage a comeback while others ahead of him on the leaderboard faltered. He was erratic at best with the putter and more than once swung his club through the air in disgust after poor putt. That certainly wasn’t what anyone expected from the world’s best player now that he’s operating on a fully healthy knee and had won in the weeks leading up to the Open. There are still two majors left this year for Tiger to win, but unless he can putt the ball much better, he’s not going to win either of them………
- If anyone in the state of South Carolina has seen its governor, they might want to alert him to the fact that everyone is wondering where he is. Seems that Gov. Mark Sanford has mysteriously disappeared after a rugged session with the state legislature. According to that South Carolina law enforcement officials, the governor took a South Carolina Law Enforcement Division vehicle on Thursday and as of yet, hasn’t returned. Even his wife, Jenny, doesn’t know where Sanford is. What’s odd is that Sanford's office doesn’t seem all that rattled by his disappearance. Sanford spokesman Joel Sawyer said Sanford “put in a lot of time during this last legislative session, and after the session winds down it's not uncommon for him to go out of pocket for a few days at a time to clear his head.” Still, it just strikes me as peculiar that the guy’s wife doesn’t have a clue where he’s at. Also not a good sign that after knocking heads with the state legislature, this guy goes AWOL for a few days. I appreciate the need to clear one’s head as much as anyone, but if you’re going to be in such a high-profile position, you have to be able to handle it better than the average person. If this is a regular thing, as his staff seems to be indicating, that’s a bad sign. The governor can’t be burning out or running away when the big, bad legislature is mean to him. So take your time off, Gov. Sanford, recharge those batteries, but let’s try to make this less of a regular occurrence so your constituents can benefit from that governing they elected (and are paying) you to do……..
- The legal system isn't exactly cracking the whip on singer Chris Brown after he beat the crap out of girlfriend Rihanna. Brown and his legal team have struck a plea deal under which he will serve five years of probation and must serve 180 days in jail or the equivalent -- about 1,400 hours -- in "labor-oriented service," said Sandi Gibbons, spokeswoman for the Los Angeles County District Attorney's office. Ooh, not probation and community service, anything but that! What an amazing country we live in that you can have your special lady friend inside a moving vehicle, beat the crap out of her, threaten her and thwart her attempts to call for help and not go to jail. And no, I don’t care that Brown must also undergo a year-long domestic-violence counseling class, because that’s not exactly hard time behind bars. Those in and around the case insist that Brown's sentence is comparable to other felony sentences when the defendant has no previous record, but if that’s the case then our legal system is even more broken than I thought. All Brown must do in terms of his probation officer is to check in with him or her every three months. A dude should not be able to assault and make criminal threats to their girlfriend and not go to jail. Brown even pleaded guilty to one count of assault with the intent of doing great bodily injury, yet he’s getting off extremely light. In case you’ve forgotten the details of the incident in question, Brown and Rihanna were driving in rented Lamborghini on a Hollywood street in February when she found a text message from an old girlfriend in his phone and flipped out. He went on a rampage, hitting and kicking her and throwing her cell phone out the window when she attempted to call for help. Like many battered, abused women, Rihanna did not file a complaint against Brown, but police were able to build a case based on what she told detectives and on physical evidence collected from her, including photographs of her bruised and battered face. Thankfully, Los Angeles Criminal Court Judge Patricia Schnegg stepped into at least protect her from that which she seems unwilling to protect herself from. Schnegg issued a "stay away" order to Brown, requiring him to stay 100 yards from Rihanna. In keeping with her typical battered woman behavior, Rihanna had requested that such an order not be issued. Schnegg smartly refused that request, although she did revise it to 50 yards -- 10 yards if the two are at the same "industry event" together. The judge will also allow Brown to have his supervised probation and community service moved to his native state of Virginia, another lenient gesture by the court. Hopefully he will take his fortunate breaks from this case, make use of the counseling and guidance being given to him and cease to be a woman-beater. I have my doubts, but I’d love to be proven wrong……..
- Here’s one tour I wont be rushing to buy a ticket for. The Cyrus family is in the business of making crappy music, whether it’s father Billy Ray and his “Achy Breaky” country garbage, daughter Miley and hr country-pop mixture that combines the worst of her dad’s genre with the worst of my most hated genre of all, mainstream pop, or older brother Trace and his faux punk/actually dance-pop band Metro Station. I once listened to Metro Station not knowing what their sound was and could not turn off the sound quickly enough. Hearing that , Metro Station will be joining Miley Cyrus on her upcoming North American trek, which begins Sept. 14, I felt a lot of different things. Shock, horror, the need for ear plugs and many other emotions coursed through me. As you might expect, the Cyrus family doesn’t share my horror. "I couldn't be more excited," Trace declared. "Honestly, I've been away from home for so long I haven't really gotten to see my family for the past two years. I'm gone on the road more than my dad (country star Billy Ray Cyrus), more than my sister. So the fact I'm gonna get to spend that much time with my family and my band, I couldn't be in a happier position. It's my dream come true; I'm gonna have everyone I love out on the road with me. It's gonna be great.” No it’ not, at least not for anyone who likes good music that isn't grossly over-produced and horrible. It may be good for you because it’ll provide a chance for some together time with little sister, but you could do that without hitting the road and subjecting people to the ear-assaulting sh*t you boh call music. Oh, and how proud Metro Station must be to following in the footsteps of other musical luminaries who have toured with Miley Cyrus, including the immortal Jonas Brothers. Making matters worse, Trace Cyrus says Metro has "well over 20 tracks" written for the follow-up to its self-titled 2007 debut and plans to hit the studio after the tour ends in December with a new release in early 2010. So there’s double-whammy for the music world, a truly awful tour followed by a truly awful album that Trace Cyrus says will be “a little more electronic, with same big pop songs that could be played on the radio.” In other words, they’ve taken what sucked about their debut album and magnified it, yippee! It’s not quite on the American Karaoke level of bad music, but it’s close……….
- One of the more bizarre golf tournaments I’ve ever seen is now over and I’m not quite sure what to make of the 2009 U.S. Open. Lucas Glover did enough to hold on in a final round where the big names, Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson, could never play like the world’s two best players long enough to win and in which play was suspended, postponed and prolonged by one rain delay after another. Glover ended at -4 to win by two shots over a group at -2 that was led by Mickelson and the suddenly resurgent David Duval (welcome back, D.D.). The tournament finally wrapped up this afternoon, half a day over the original schedule. That was actually much sooner than was projected at various points throughout the weekend as the skies opened up and rain fell in heavy doses on Long Island. The sight of grounds crew members pushing squeegees across the greens to squeeze out water and fans huddling under umbrellas will be forever linked to this tournament, which had a resultingly uneven feel. On none of the days, Thursday through Monday, was the traditional one round per day played. It was either a small fraction of a round, as on Thursday, or marathon days in which parts of two rounds were played, as on Saturday. Like many fans, I had heard little or nothing about Glover before this weekend, as he had won only one tournament previously. He could well go the way of former major tournament winners like Ben Curtis and Chad Campbell, who won their major only to fade right back into obscurity. Another thing that will stick with me is seeing Tiger Woods fail to sink putt after putt when he had a wide open door to stage a comeback while others ahead of him on the leaderboard faltered. He was erratic at best with the putter and more than once swung his club through the air in disgust after poor putt. That certainly wasn’t what anyone expected from the world’s best player now that he’s operating on a fully healthy knee and had won in the weeks leading up to the Open. There are still two majors left this year for Tiger to win, but unless he can putt the ball much better, he’s not going to win either of them………
- If anyone in the state of South Carolina has seen its governor, they might want to alert him to the fact that everyone is wondering where he is. Seems that Gov. Mark Sanford has mysteriously disappeared after a rugged session with the state legislature. According to that South Carolina law enforcement officials, the governor took a South Carolina Law Enforcement Division vehicle on Thursday and as of yet, hasn’t returned. Even his wife, Jenny, doesn’t know where Sanford is. What’s odd is that Sanford's office doesn’t seem all that rattled by his disappearance. Sanford spokesman Joel Sawyer said Sanford “put in a lot of time during this last legislative session, and after the session winds down it's not uncommon for him to go out of pocket for a few days at a time to clear his head.” Still, it just strikes me as peculiar that the guy’s wife doesn’t have a clue where he’s at. Also not a good sign that after knocking heads with the state legislature, this guy goes AWOL for a few days. I appreciate the need to clear one’s head as much as anyone, but if you’re going to be in such a high-profile position, you have to be able to handle it better than the average person. If this is a regular thing, as his staff seems to be indicating, that’s a bad sign. The governor can’t be burning out or running away when the big, bad legislature is mean to him. So take your time off, Gov. Sanford, recharge those batteries, but let’s try to make this less of a regular occurrence so your constituents can benefit from that governing they elected (and are paying) you to do……..
- The legal system isn't exactly cracking the whip on singer Chris Brown after he beat the crap out of girlfriend Rihanna. Brown and his legal team have struck a plea deal under which he will serve five years of probation and must serve 180 days in jail or the equivalent -- about 1,400 hours -- in "labor-oriented service," said Sandi Gibbons, spokeswoman for the Los Angeles County District Attorney's office. Ooh, not probation and community service, anything but that! What an amazing country we live in that you can have your special lady friend inside a moving vehicle, beat the crap out of her, threaten her and thwart her attempts to call for help and not go to jail. And no, I don’t care that Brown must also undergo a year-long domestic-violence counseling class, because that’s not exactly hard time behind bars. Those in and around the case insist that Brown's sentence is comparable to other felony sentences when the defendant has no previous record, but if that’s the case then our legal system is even more broken than I thought. All Brown must do in terms of his probation officer is to check in with him or her every three months. A dude should not be able to assault and make criminal threats to their girlfriend and not go to jail. Brown even pleaded guilty to one count of assault with the intent of doing great bodily injury, yet he’s getting off extremely light. In case you’ve forgotten the details of the incident in question, Brown and Rihanna were driving in rented Lamborghini on a Hollywood street in February when she found a text message from an old girlfriend in his phone and flipped out. He went on a rampage, hitting and kicking her and throwing her cell phone out the window when she attempted to call for help. Like many battered, abused women, Rihanna did not file a complaint against Brown, but police were able to build a case based on what she told detectives and on physical evidence collected from her, including photographs of her bruised and battered face. Thankfully, Los Angeles Criminal Court Judge Patricia Schnegg stepped into at least protect her from that which she seems unwilling to protect herself from. Schnegg issued a "stay away" order to Brown, requiring him to stay 100 yards from Rihanna. In keeping with her typical battered woman behavior, Rihanna had requested that such an order not be issued. Schnegg smartly refused that request, although she did revise it to 50 yards -- 10 yards if the two are at the same "industry event" together. The judge will also allow Brown to have his supervised probation and community service moved to his native state of Virginia, another lenient gesture by the court. Hopefully he will take his fortunate breaks from this case, make use of the counseling and guidance being given to him and cease to be a woman-beater. I have my doubts, but I’d love to be proven wrong……..
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