- You can go one of two ways on the new comic book adaptation “Watchmen” as director Zack Snyder’s newest film hits the big screen this weekend. If you’re a dork, er, comic book enthusiast and purist, you probably aren’t too happy that Alan Moore's graphic novel has been made into a movie by the same director who copied two prior comic book stores ("Dawn of the Dead” and "300"), a director whose movies that Moore has refused to attach his name to in any way. If the man who created the Watchmen universe, the one you dorks, er, fan boys are so devoted to, wants nothing to do with this movie, how do you dorks reconcile the situation? Moore won't even accept reimbursement from the film and its use of his intellectual property in order to protest the entertainment industry's fundamental lack of respect for intellectual property. If you’re not a comic book dork and just a movie fan, you can probably go see “Watchmen,’ enjoy a pretty interesting, action-packed movie and not worry about much beyond that. If you’re not familiar with the world of “Watchmen,” here are the basics: it’s set in 1985, where Richard Nixon is still president and the U.S. actually won in Vietnam (see, it truly is a work of fiction). America has a fantastic weapon to combat the evil Soviets: Dr. Manhattan, a kind of quantum ghost in the machine capable of reconstituting matter (and nuclear warheads) at will. The comic book drowns in pop cultural angst, with undertones nihilism and disillusionment throughout, on display through masked crime fighters and one genuine, possibly radioactive, superhero. In the comic, Dr. Manhattan morphed between New Jersey and Mars, cutting between a doomsday conspiracy threatening the Earth and flashbacks tying into the stories of half-a-dozen "watchmen," a group of masked superheroes forced to abandon the fight for good when the world turned against them in the late 1970s. For better or worse, Snyder and screenwriters David Hayter and Alex Tse show little imagination or creativity in bringing Moore’s vision to the big screen with any flair. The movie drags on for an uber-long 163 minutes of stop-and-start action, with too much dialogue at times and the glaring omission of several key pieces of the story from the comic book. There are a few shining moments where Snyder and Co. realize that they don’t have to turn in an exact replica of Moore’s thoughts, but those scenes are few and far between. The movies isn’t helped at all by the limited acting skills of actress Malin Akerman (Laurie, aka Silk Spectre II) and Matthew Goode (Adrian Veidt). The lone standout performance is by Jackie Earle Haley as the angry reactionary Rorschach. Bottom line here is that no matter what group you fall into - devoted fan boy, casual moviegoer or somewhere in between, this movie is likely to disappoint you on some level and do so often for nearly three full hours……
- My, what fine individuals are working at our nation’s schools. While teacher after teacher is found to be having an affair with a student, perhaps no school employee is greasier and more repulsive than George Francis, a former Broward County School employee who allegedly sent sexual messages to elementary school students from his MySpace account and texts from his cell phone to three 12-year-old students. Francis’ job at the school - you’ll LOVE this - was as a child care monitor. He monitored the children, no doubt, just not in the way I’m sure the school district intended. According to police, Francis sent sexual messages to three girls he met at Pines Lakes Elementary. Not only that, he tried to arrange sexual encounters with two of the three former students. "The third victim, he [Francis] sent a picture via his cell phone of a private part of his, then he asked that the victim send a picture as well, he would pay him for it, $80," said Pembroke Pines Police Sergeant John Gazzano. What’s worse is that the $80 offer in exchange for a naked picture did happen, although thankfully police say that Francis did not actually make physical contact with any of the three students. On Feb. 4, Francis resigned from his job and on that same day, one of the victim's parents came forward after they discovered the alleged lewd messages on their child's MySpace page. And yes, I’m going to say it again. MySpace, the freaking pedophile capital of the world. How long do we really need to allow this to drag on? Can’t we just shut this whole thing down, get rid of MySpace for good and force these sick freaks cruising the Internet for kiddie porn and underage sex to go elsewhere? Unfortunately, not all of this pervs can be taken care of as Francis was by the judge in his case, who has ordered him not to use the Internet. Oh, and feel free to view this as an opportune time to review and update your personnel and hiring standards, Broward County School district…….
- What is it with stupid women and having lots of kids? Why do those with such low IQs always become the ones who are bringing a half dozen kids or more into this world? Aside from that asinine, imbecilic wench Octo Mom, who figured having another kid (which turned into eight) when she already had six kids she couldn’t support, we now have an unidentified mother in Chandler, Ariz. who already had seven kids and ended up delivering her eighth bundle of joy at an Arizona gas station early Friday. What a proud story of birth this woman can tell her daughter, of being in the car with grandma and pulling into the Diamond Shamrock parking lot in Chandler, where the woman began giving birth. The elder woman ran into the store and asked for an ambulance to be called, but the baby was already out and she switched her request to one for scissors. Thankfully, gas station attendant Gaudencia Black was able to get through to an ambulance and the paramedics informed her that it’s not a good idea cut the cord with scissors. Emergency crews picked up the new mother at the gas station and transported her and her baby to a nearby Gilbert Mercy Hospital, where both are doing fine. Here’s hoping that Vivid Video is waiting in the wings with another $1 million, one-time porn offer for this woman like they tendered to that freak Octo Mom. Heck, maybe these two women can even star in a movie together, good times……..
- Nobody puts Pluto in a corner. In 2006, the International Astronomical Union may have voted to demote it from its status as one of the solar system’s nine planets and downgrade it to dwarf planet status, but two states in the Union aren’t standing idly by while the work of legendary astronomer Dr. Clyde Tombaugh is shoved to the side. No, Illinois and New Mexico are boldly doing what the IAU is no longer willing to do: recognize Pluto, which Tombaugh discovered when he worked at the Lowell Observatory in Flagstaff, Ariz., as a planet. The Illinois State Senate has passed a bill stating that Pluto was "unfairly downgraded" by the IAU and that it is still a planet - at least in Illinois. On March 13, the state of Illinois will honor Tombaugh, the Streator, Ill.-born astronomer who discovered Pluto in 1930 by declaring "Pluto Day." The resolution adopted by the legislature states that Pluto was "unfairly downgraded" and deserves its rightful place among the planets. The State of New Mexico's legislature passed a similar resolution honoring Tombaugh, a long-time resident of that state. Props for the Illinois version of the legislation goes to Sen. Gary Dahl, (R)-Springfield, who clearly has his eyes on the prize when it comes to the issues of the most relevance to his constituents. Now all of the planet-heads in Illinois have just under a week to put together their Pluto parties, contact all of their fellow astronomy dorks and decide how to best commemorate Pluto’s big day……
- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Folks, it’s time to stop thinking of the tiny French Caribbean island of Martinique as a tranquil, peaceful and tropical place to go for vacation so you can kick back on the beach with a fresh, fruity drink with an umbrella in the glass. Yes, Martinique is also where my dreams of violent, fiery riots take place. Early yesterday, hundreds of protestors took to the streets in downtown Fort-de-France and in one of the most beautiful sights in any act of social dissidence, they set several stores ablaze. Responding to the riot were hundreds of police officers, who tried in vain to keep the rioters from torching any more buildings. No official word was immediately available on how many storefronts were burned or what the extent of the damage was, but it really doesn’t matter. Burn one building or burn 20, the spirit of the riot and the intent to send things up in flame is the same. Oh, and not that you need a reason to riot, but the cause for these demonstrations was low wages for workers on the island, which I think we can all agree is a good reason to riot - again, not that you need one. After hours of battling, police were finally able to bring the riots to an end by late Friday evening, dispersing the rioters and allowing those whose property was targeted in the attacks to begin cleaning up. So way to go, rioters of Martinique, I’m exceptionally proud of you and so are riot lovers the whole world ‘round……
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